ULPT: How do I stop my roommate and his girlfriend showing PDA in our house?

Posted by throwra_a1rob@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 18 comments

My [24M] roommate [26M] and his girlfriend [20F] have no social awareness or don’t care

I was directed to this subreddit but basically my roommate and his girlfriend make me feel uncomfortable inside my own living space.

I live in this house that I share with my roommate. We both rent this house from a lady. I moved in 2 months ago and signed a 1 year lease. My roommate was already living here before I moved in. We did not know each other prior to moving into this house. My roommate is cool and everything. We get along and go out together sometimes, but when his girlfriend comes over it’s a problem.

My roommate girlfriend act like they’re in a high school relationship. As soon as she walks into the house they’re touching each other. Like they don’t even wait to leave the public area. In the kitchen she’s laid up on the counter where WE EAT. If I walk into the living room and they’re watching TV sharing a blanket I’ve interrupted. I don’t know if they’re just sex addicts or if this is what true love is. I’m loose sleep at night now, because our bedrooms share a wall. The sounds I hear are more dramatic than most adult films. Moaning, slapping, hitting the bed. The final straw that made me ask for help was his girlfriend walking around our house with what I hope to god was lotion on her face. His girlfriend also tried to convince me walking around the house without clothes on was normal behavior.

I have a girlfriend, but the difference is that we don’t inconvenience others to express our love. My girlfriend doesn’t like coming over, because of how uncomfortable my roommate and his girlfriend make her feel. The conflict I have is I have 10 months left on my lease, and that means I have to live with my roommate for that amount of time. If I confront him and have a conversation about how his relationship is affecting me it might ruin the housemate dynamic. I’ve already tried to give him hints about my discomfort, but he seems completely oblivious. My girlfriend has offered me to stay with her free of rent, but on principle if I’m paying rent I want to live there.

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cflres23@reddit

Seducer her to assert dominance

DifferentIsPossble@reddit

Get a s/o. Start doing PDA everywhere. Either they get it or you stop minding.

JimmerAteMyPasta@reddit

Sounds like an accidental foursome to me

MidLifeCrisis111@reddit

I realize this is ULPT, but I suggest talking with your roommate about this. Don’t hint, be direct. You deserve to feel comfortable in your house.

Now, if he gets defensive or refuses to change, here’s two options. Number 1: Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. GF starts coming over regularly for over the top PDA. Number 2: start watching porn loudly (no headphones) whenever they have sex or they’re making out in common areas. Number 3: Next time they finish having loud sex, bang on the wall and yell “Can you keep going? I’m almost there!” If all that fails, piss disk.

adrian123456879@reddit

Throw pee discs at them

fyre_flyy@reddit

I know this is ULPT but dude, just talk to him. I can garuentee whatever you do from here is going to affect your housemate dynamic more than just telling him you're not cool with it. Hell you can even tell him that your gf doesn't want you being exposed to it because she's jealous, if you don't want to be "the reason."

gerardkimblefarthing@reddit

When they get going on the couch, post up with a popcorn bucket and watch intently. They'll sort themselves out fast. Unless, of course, getting caught is their fetish, in which case you may as well stay. Or not.

PirateParts@reddit

Start jerking it to their PDAs.

WeAreyoMomma@reddit

Solo PDA

BEELZEEBUBBA@reddit

Maintaining eye contact.

ToQuoteSocrates@reddit

With the dude

Millzee69@reddit

Knock one off (wank) infront of them, when they complain - say “that’s how it feels” - if they don’t complain, you might get a threesome so win win 👍😁

jericho138@reddit

Air horn

amazonchic2@reddit

This might actually be a good time to spray Liquid Ass. Let me tell you how effective it is. I have cleared two cops out of a convenience store. They thought there was a gas leak, but after having the employees check and finding everything in good order, the cops hightailed it outta there. The stuff stinks. It's pretty fun to use to smoke people out. You can spray it whenever they are being disgusting with their PDA.

It won't necessarily help when they are in the bedroom with closed doors, but aside from that you can use it when they are anywhere else in the apartment. The best part is, since I am used to the smell it really doesn't bother me.

Quarkspiration@reddit

Whenever they start getting mushy, announce loudly that this is perfect content for your new blog.

Start filming. Punctuate any particularly intimate moments with little "oh yeah"s or "mmmhm"s.

They'll get a room real quick.