ULPT Request: How to physically but secretly destroy a house?
Posted by JaymiesThrowAway@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 90 comments
Hi there, I'm gonna make this quick. I live in a shitty household with a horrid and abusive woman, see my post history if you want to know further. I'm planning on leaving this house in about a week or two and she deserves some sort of punishment. How would I secretly/stealthily destroy a house or do some sort of major damage? She plans on selling it in the near future. Thanks ULPT!
Away_Industry_6892@reddit
Call the county and report code violations, or something similar?
rotting1618@reddit
pour oil down the drains, if there are plastic fittings on the pipes over tighten them, clog vents not fully but increase the amount of dust or whatever so it looks natural, damage window insulation in a way that it’s hard to see, clog like 30% of a U pipe under the sink, put as much hair as you can in the shower drains, lower the temperature of a fridge a bit to increase electrical bills, if you think it could go unnoticed change light bulbs to ones that consume more energy, as long as you live there take long showers in hot water (after clogging the vents), dirt the dish washer filter, loosen screws
Rey_Miguel@reddit
I read a post a while ago about a landlord that had a tenant that removed some drywall and placed a shit ton of frozen fish the day before moving out. The smell took a while to get noticed and it took him ages to find out where the deadly smell was coming from.
Hot_Baker4215@reddit
Obligatory rotten fish in the drop ceiling
time4meatstick@reddit
Water. Find areas where water/moisture will penetrate the home. You’ll be half way through your next marriage by the time either that house is crumbling or her bank account is by the shear amount of repair costs.
Look on the roof- perforate the flashing by the chimney and any other objects sticking out of the roof. The chimney-work alone will cost mid-five figures.
Slope the landscaping towards the foundation; remove anything from the downspouts that direct water away from the foundation
Pull up the toilets and remove the wax seals-or to be sneaky just damage the shit out of them and replace toilet. Same with sink and tub drains.
Mold, mildew, rot, then failure that is netting financially crippling to remediate. Water is my biggest nightmare in a house.
ChanCuriosity@reddit
You’ve done this before, haven’t you?
time4meatstick@reddit
I used to rob houses of people that were on vacation during the holidays. My buddy wasn’t into it, but as we left each house, I would leave the water running in the sink. When they would get home from their vacation, they would find their house obliterated by our ransacking and our wet business card.
surezalc@reddit
Dirtbag.... sounds like you are proud of it.
Hot_Baker4215@reddit
Watch more movies
Designer_Trash_8057@reddit
Honestly sometimes people on this page will crackdown on illegal stuff and hit back with "omg it's unethical not illegal dumbass!" Then this guy comes out with this story and people are all about it? I just don't get it.
When these people get robbed their up votes will age poorly (then when their wall suddenly develops a huge damp patch out of nowhere the dots will connect...)
time4meatstick@reddit
I’ll tell you man. I lost count at the amount of houses we hit up. We got away with it for years. My buddy, the stones of him, would dress up as a cop and case the joints a week before school vacation let out. One year he dresses up as a damn cop and people were letting him RIGHT inside so he could take a look around! Hell yeah I’m proud.
MaloneSeven@reddit
All the great ones leave their marks.
time4meatstick@reddit
This guy gets it! Careful if you’re home alone when we are out for the holidays.
TheGeckoDude@reddit
Why did you add insult to injury?
time4meatstick@reddit
Just a way to let people know they got GOT by The Wet Bandits
Hexx-Bombastus@reddit
Did you happen to try this one mansion on christmas with a single kid at home?
Independent_Ask9280@reddit
Prawns inside curtain pole
FarmhouseRules@reddit
Oh that is devious. So hard to find!!!
nah2daysun@reddit
Or inside light switch boxes and outlets.
Appropriate_Type_300@reddit
Or inside light switch boxes and outlets.
Appropriate_Type_300@reddit
Or inside light switch boxes and outlets.
andreyred@reddit
Ain’t nobody got time fo dat
Mass-Chaos@reddit
Buy some termites and spread them through the house
Regular_Novel9721@reddit
Use a prepaid cash card that was bought with cash to do this…. And have them delivered to somewhere that you’ve never had anything delivered to.
Poundcake9698@reddit
Forget termites, get some carpenter ants and get some water damage going
short_longpants@reddit
How do you buy termites? Especially queens? I would think that's seriously illegal, especially if it crosses state lines.
HoeLeeFok@reddit
A quick google search came up with a few results.
MaeWest85@reddit
Seeds of a viny plant in a drain that isn’t often used.
GnPQGuTFagzncZwB@reddit
ferric chloride on every single piece of copper you can spray it on.
Muufffins@reddit
A slow water leak, like a drop every few seconds, somewhere hard to see, like in a dishwasher line. After weeks or months, the water will do some unnoticed, but serious damage.
iamofnohelp@reddit
The line to the ice maker is hidden behind the fridge....that's another good one that might work out too.
shrapmetal@reddit
Just pour cement down all the drains and drop the mic 🎤 on the way out.
VariousLet1327@reddit
Quick dry cement down the toilet Clog the dishwasher filter Leave the fridge door open and burn out the compressor Clog the gutters or damage the downspouts
TR6lover@reddit
I'm not sure but it likely involves piss discs.
langecrew@reddit
Get up into the attic when nobody's home and drill a whole shit ton of 1/4 inch holes through the roof. That's bound to cause some serious damage
Ryolu35603@reddit
Bacon grease down the sink while they’re at it.
Embarrassed_Flan_869@reddit
Aim for the edges and corners. That way it will leak into the walls and not just the ceiling. Will take even longer to notice and much more damage.
Silent_Technology540@reddit
Order a vile of bed bugs and dump them out on your way out or if you want to destroy their property value
Dump a few Chinese notes weed saplings they'll grow like we'll weeds
RooTheDayMate@reddit
TIL the collective term for bedbugs is "vile" : ))
olalof@reddit
Do you order that on bedbugsandbeyond.com ?
Silent_Technology540@reddit
Don't know but it's what I've read that someone did on here
SeaworthinessLoud992@reddit
Meth use or meth lab contamination. most insurances wont cover cleanup costs & most states require disclosure
JustLikeNothing04@reddit
Put a sponge in the toilet then flush it
Pickled_Popcorn@reddit
Keep in mind that a lot of damage will go unnoticed until the new owners live there. Make sure you pick something that will only affect her.
I suggest ruining the curb appeal. It's an easy fix for the next people but a huge nuisance for her.
Im__fucked@reddit
Inject milk into the carpet, the couch, the mattress.
CaptainLucid420@reddit
If the crawlspace has wire grates that allow for ventilation cut some out and dump in a big bag of dog food. Wait and see what moves in under the house.
midwestcatlady333@reddit
This is actually genius... I have a very rural relative who has taken to feeding the raccoons near his farm and insists that they're his babies. He leaves CAT FOOD out for them so of course they bring all their friends. The raccoons have taken up in the roof eaves of the garage and now the house and they're completely destroying the property. But they're his babies.
OneWholePirate@reddit
Frozen sardines in the curtain rods, then super glue them shut right before you leave. Should take a week or so before the smell is too offensive while they defrost but she'll never find them and the smell will get into EVERYTHING
OlyVal@reddit
By the time slow, sneaky something really bad happens to the house, she will have sold it and you are punishing the wrong person.
Let's see... how about something she won't notice until it's inspected for the new owner? Like drill big holes through the floor joists under the house. Nothing so big the place collapses but big enough to get noticed by the inspector.
JaymiesThrowAway@reddit (OP)
Honestly this is sort of the right answer. I should've re-worded my post to say something like this. I wouldn't want to fuck with the future home-owners but I would at least want to leave a nasty mess for her to clean up once I'm out.
OlyVal@reddit
Glad I could help! Haha!
MVHood@reddit
I once bought a house very cheap because it had an odor. It wasn't super strong, but lingering and unsettling. House sat empty on the market for six months (bank owned) and then they lowered the price by $25,000 and I took the leap. While having the crawl space cleaned out we discovered a mummified cat body. Once we hauled it out and tossed it, the smell went away. If you could orchestrate something similar it would be a loss for the loony and a boon for someone needing a home!!
Juanita_Yo@reddit
leave cracked eggs in various spots around the house (vents, high up places, etc.), leave an upper decker, lightly coat any blinds in the house with mayonnaise, stick moist jolly ranchers on glass surfaces or mirrors.
ChanCuriosity@reddit
Do you mean actual mayonnaise or man-mayo?
jmdaltonjr@reddit
Man mayo has DNA which is traceable.
Juanita_Yo@reddit
Actual mayo lol, it won't be super visible on white blinds but the smell will be putrid after a few days
Worth-Economics8978@reddit
None of these will do structural damage.
If you want actual structural damage, you need to get some hydraulic jacks, get them under the house on the support boards, make sure the weight is distributed evenly and then jack up the house evenly on one side, then just leave it that way.
Over time the foundation will settle, crack and start to fall apart.
ConsiderationSure192@reddit
Plant bamboo by the foundation or anywhere. Or fuck her dad
MistakeBeginning664@reddit
https://iso-flora.com/
Isopods could be a LOVELY parting gift.
Article_Even@reddit
Revenge is never ever worth it. Bad energy out to the universe
jorstar@reddit
My sister had a dishwasher line break on the second floor of her house. It cost $40,000 and 5 months of reconstruction to replace the damaged floors, walls, ceilings, and cabinets. So yeah, a water leak (not too fast) could be a real expense pain in the ass.
Icy_Republic_1794@reddit
Shrimp shells in the hollow part of curtain rods. Will totally make the house unlivable about 5 days after placement. Almost impossible to locate source.
mrkwns@reddit
Termites
mrkwns@reddit
Termites
Phillimac16@reddit
Shrimp tails in the curtain rods
Danger_Daza@reddit
Plant bamboo in a hard to see spot
hoboshoe@reddit
My dad said plant a plum tree within a foot of the foundation and in a few years, it'll crack that shit open.
yellowbrickstairs@reddit
Whole dead fish in the ceiling. You're welcome
jjjjjjj30@reddit
Since she owns the home, insurance is gonna cover most damage that you could do to the house. Maybe try destroying the land/lot instead...? Idk, I've heard grub worms will fuck up the yard.
What about instead of destroying the house you make it unlivable by making it smell unbearable. Like hide a dead fish in the duct work? Something along those lines.
ethical_arsonist@reddit
Can I ask that you don't destroy the house because we need houses but do go wild on fucking the person up. Destroy the value of the house in a non permanent way.
OppositeChocolate687@reddit
build a very small fire in the crawl space that no one will notice until you are well gone and the fire grows larger /s
(obviously don't do this. Damaging the house isn't the way to take revenge. put inching powder in her underwear or something)
urmomshowerhead@reddit
Piss disc
Aggravating-Fee-8556@reddit
Bamboo seeds everywhere but especially near paving, walkways, drainage areas and property lines.
Vegaprime@reddit
I just want to apologize in advance if I ever upset any of you in the future. This house is done for.
darknessandpolaroids@reddit
Cut the underneath the sofa, put chunks of raw fish in there. Failing that, you could pour milk into the mattresses. If you want to go nuclear, Japanese knotweed in the garden 😂
More-Ad2642@reddit
Order cock roaches and let them loose in attic!
SystemFolder@reddit
Use a very small drill bit to drill tiny holes in the copper water supply lines throughout the house.
Hodgepodge_mygosh@reddit
What kind of pipes are there? If it’s cast iron, I’d make sure the local realtors know. It’s expensive to replace and heaven forbid the sewer line is cast iron. Pray they are on a slope to the house.
Hexx-Bombastus@reddit
You can order live termites online.
Ok_Chair6348@reddit
Japanese knotweed,
Grow the heck out of it in the garden,
I personally woukd advise you to not do anything and jjst move on,
But Japanese knotweed throws the value of the house into the dirt, nobody will even buy it. And it will start to destroy the house.
technicastultus@reddit
My ex brother in law was pissed at his LL and pushed a tray of raw hamburger down the heat vent and shoved it way in with piece of wire. Guy was a total pig. He was growing dope in the house and clogged the toilet out in the street. Fearing the cops he couldn't call a plumber so he put a bucket in his basement and used that. For 3 years. Ya, he's dead now.
The-all-seeing-pie@reddit
Fairly sure it’ll involve liquid assets, piss discs and syringes of milk.
ChanCuriosity@reddit
And prawns in the curtain rods. And upper-decking the bog.
Nother1BitestheCrust@reddit
Flush swifter wipes down the toilet.
IrradiantFuzzy@reddit
If you can time it right, gas leak. The fumes will knock her out, then the house will explode.
onekeanui@reddit
Termites is the way. Little bastards.
Think-Tip9414@reddit
Order termites/mice/both and let them go to town
Mike_XXX_69@reddit
Go to the store get some raw fish. Throw said fish deep into the AC vents. Might not do permanent damage per se, but the smell will be putrid very quickly and make the home unbearable.
NatashaBadenov@reddit
Go to the thrift store. Go to the holiday section. There might be boxes of ornaments there. Sometimes you’ll see a cockroach egg in the box. Sometimes two. Nobody charges for those. Take them home and put them somewhere nice and out of the way.
ojo05@reddit
If you can grow specific mushrooms somewhere hidden, they can spread onto walls and cause damage