How did you feel less than a month before you moved countries? Guilt/nerves/cold feed/excitement? Does this get any better once your there?

Posted by Realistic-Quality877@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 30 comments

Feeling a lot of guilt and shame around moving... there is nothing wrong with my life in the UK but I have always wanted to move to the US and my partner is there. I wonder that I have grass is greener syndrome. I am going to be renting my house and in my head I am telling myself it is for 6 months and I can always come home, for some reason this makes me feel a lot better than thinking the move is permanent (is this normal?)

When I look at it as an adventure and I am coming home I feel calm, when I look at it as forever I feel overwhelmed with nerves and feel sick. I thought i'd be excited :( I am in waves... I am moving my pets so just worry I am putting them through this stress for nothing if I do return home. Also moving through the winter to cold short days... just worried I will get depressed & lonely. Any tips and is this normal? How did you feel before?

[-]

LuxRolo@reddit

Very stressed but also excited. I had all my paperwork in order as well as was moving to my SO, so less worries than if I moved without that support, but it was a stressful thing to go through for me, I have anxiety with a lot of things and the immigration process really pushed me to my limit in some ways, but I got through it and am stronger for it.

I felt pretty overwhelmed for quite some time afterwards, but it's made me such a more confident person from all the things you go through, and I feel like I'm really thriving here. I've started new hobbies and made some great friends here that I'd make the same decision if time were to start over.

Doing a 6 month stint is good as it can put you into that situation where you either hate it and know that emigration isn't for you, or you find that you can really thrive elsewhere in ways you didn't imagine.

[-]

Realistic-Quality877@reddit (OP)

u/LuxRolo thanks so much for sharing. I have anxiety too, and honestly the last few weeks I have been an emotional wreck. Crying, I can't concentrate, I just feel a complete mess, then think - why am I doing this? It is super stressful, probably the most stressful thing I have done. I am glad it made you a stronger person and there sounds like there is light at the end of the tunnel. How long did you feel overwhelmed for once you was there, and was that from just getting used to new surroundings?

[-]

LuxRolo@reddit

It was the most stressful thing I have done also, I would hyperventilate a lot and was having trouble sleeping and concentrating once I started the process of immigration and then when I moved. After I landed and then sorted out the appointments at the authorities to register my move and get everything sorted such as bank account and such, I definitely felt much more relaxed.

Certain things are still daunting, but it's not to do with being a foreigner in a new country- just usual things that cause me anxiety- new social settings as an example. But I struggle less with them than I did in the UK because my comfort zone has increased since the move. I've had to go to appointments for immigration with the authorities and the police, so I think "if I can talk to the authorities about my immigration here, then it's really not scary to go to the supermarket and make small talk with the cashier", some days it's easier to say than others. There's been days where I do just feel too overwhelmed to go out and I make sure to take give myself the ability to have a quiet evening, but it's pretty rare where I feel almost sick from the anxiety and need to take some time for myself like that.

For added context, I moved from UK to Norway, so while English is widely known it's not used on a day to day basis and I don't like speaking it where possible, so my anxiety on the social interactions has mainly been the "fear" that I won't understand them and need to swap to English- I've never had a bad situation when I have had to speak English so I know it's an unfounded anxiety, but you probably know all about that ❤️

tarot_feather@reddit

A lot of regret, I wished I had chosen Sweden instead of Italy

CraigInCambodia@reddit

I was sick to my stomach in the weeks leading up to my move out of the US, about 20 years ago. I was not going alone, either. I was moving to my partner's country, so basically a soft, cushy landing. Now, I'd probably feel sick moving back.

Neat-Composer4619@reddit

Busy. It gets better if you are on a short term trip. It gets worse if you need to keep doing visa paperwork.

CongruentDesigner@reddit

Come over to the US, stay for 6 months and see how you feel.

And for gods sake, don’t listen to the utter tripe on here regarding Trump.

I was here from 2016 to now and saw zero difference in my day to day life. America is a massive country and the President has far smaller power over the average citizens life than what is being made out. FAR less.

Come over, spend quality time with your partner, and enjoy the endless variety of entertainment and natural beauty the US has to offer. Like I said, worst case it doesn’t work put and you can head back. Depending on where you are in the US, it may only be a short plane trip away.

dirtytxhippie@reddit

Like clean water regulation rollbacks? Or over 100 EPA regulations that were rolled back under Trump? Yea- if you are lucky it’s only those other poor bastards that get screwed over

atzucach@reddit

I would feel the first three if I was moving to the US right now - for a lot a reasons, but personally, as an immigrant there, even one from the UK (and even being white from there), I would be concerned that the incoming US president has plans to use the military for mass deportations.

If you think the US has a well-trained, professional military without jingoistic tendencies, I've got a bridge to sell you. They've had to scrape the bottom of the barrel because the vast majority of recruits are rejected due to obesity and criminal history.

And of course, beyond my own personal reasons I'd be depressed to be moving to a country that looks set to be subsumed into religious fanatic influenced dog-eat-dog neoliberalism. (I don't think the Democrats are the good guys, either: they just have bad and worse over there.)

laughingmeeses@reddit

The military is not rejecting people for obesity and criminal history. There are programs in place for physical standard attainment and waivers for past behavior.

https://www.militarytimes.com/news/your-military/2023/10/13/nearly-70-of-active-service-members-are-overweight-report-finds/

more than half of young Americans now qualify as obese, and it’s the no. 1 disqualifier for recruiting prospects.

And they have programs specifically in place for those recruits. Literally just left boot camp.

I suggest you read that article, and this one:

75% of 17- to 24-year-olds nationwide were unable to qualify for military service. This challenge stemmed from three key drivers: recruits were not academically prepared, they were far over weight standards or they had a record of crime or drug abuse.

https://www.militarytimes.com/opinion/commentary/2023/02/01/addressing-americas-obesity-crisis-can-improve-military-readiness/

I did. And I'm telling you that the USA military has established through lines for recruits who don't meet initial physical fitness requirements.

Going by the numbers, they simply appear to be lowering standards and yes, still rejecting a lot of people.

Most people will believe their anecdotal experiences over mathematical fact, it’s part of the downfall of America

pissboots@reddit

Came here to say this. I don't understand why anyone would leave Europe and go to the US, especially now.

BrokilonDryad@reddit

I’d feel the worst of emotions if I was to move to the US now, honestly.

I’m Canadian but I’m glad I’m not close to that shit show. I can’t imagine moving there.

But I felt a mix of excitement and fear when I moved abroad. Excitement because holy shit I’m doing this again, and I’m going back to the country I’ve always wanted to be in. But fear because this time it’s for real, I’m not an exchange student who’s gonna go home after a year. I’ve decided this is my home now.

No regrets. This has always been my home in my heart. My mental health issues are way better, my general positivity is better, my solid sense of self is better. I am content.

Canada’s in a worse situation than the US, and I can’t fucking stand Trump.

Outside-Public7099@reddit

Do you live in the US or Canada? Because if you live in Canada I ask you, do your fellow Americans fly F*CK Trudeau flags, t-shirts and stickers, wear hats with a slogan stolen from a former republican that is associated with a man who's a felon and has dozens of sexual assault allegation? Do your fellow citizens tell you to cry about everything, assault you verbally or physically, berate you online? Do your fellow citizens strangely plastic controversial politicians names across their cards, boats, and houses? Do they make constant racist remarks, fly confederate and nazi flags? There is little civility left in this country and constant culture wars waged by the right. The politics itself are one thing. I have to wonder if other countries have seen a decline in their society driven by politics. When I talk to my family in England, they state while politics are controversial, they are far different than the US and there is not so much driven hate.

I live in San Diego and sans the stickers and hats, I see nothing else of what you’re talking about. Literally none. And I hate orange man probably more than most people.

Honestly, you need to switch off your device, take a breathe and log off from the internet for the weekend.

You don’t see those things because you are in CA- the southern states are so selfish and hate filled that it’s pathetic

I live in Phoenix Arizona. I don't have social media or listen to the news. This is what I see in public.

Funny how you tell me to log off because I communicate what i'm seeing happening, but I must just be delusional.

Independent-Ad-2291@reddit

You are moving from one shithole to another.

Grass is brown on both sides in terms of economics and life stability.

Guess the grass is green on both sides regarding how chill and social the people in both countries are.

Tardislass@reddit

Please don't listen to the US bashers. You are coming in a dynamic period in the country's history.

1)American's love British people. Be prepared for people to tell you they love your accent and guaranteed people will think you are smart.

2)I'd make sure to find friends and activities outside your partner-especially if things go south. There are always meet up groups on Meetup.com or you could join a gym or fitness club.

3)It's normal to be nervous but look at this as an adventure. You are lucky now as streaming services have all the UK shows or you can watch them on PBS.

NonSumQualisEram-@reddit

grass is greener syndrome

Being irrationally attracted to your destination country is a good thing. It will help to smooth over any difficulties you encounter. When I moved to Cairo I had this notion that everything would be super exotic...and it was! Even stuck in admin hell trying to get various permits or whatever, I had that positive gloss over everything that I wouldn't have had in my home country.

crani0@reddit

Barely noticed it with all the stuff I needed to get in order before leaving. The only moment it hit me was when I was boarding the plane and during the plane ride. Then when I landed I went back to "gotta get stuff done, move it!" mode. After that I think it only came back a few months afterwards when I was settled and then more recently due to some life events back home.

I also didn't really come with a plan or goal in mind, the opportunity presented itself and I decided "Why not?". Going back or elsewhere is an option that I keep open but atm my will is to settle down and lay some roots here. I also have a house in my name back home and that is always a "safety net" for me.

There really aren't any effective tips to give here other than a very generic "enjoy it" and "what will be, will be". Your experience will be yours just like everyone else's experience is theirs, I've seen cases of people ending up isolated and sad and moving back home and I've also seen cases of people just thriving with their new life and doing things they could never do back home. So yeah, just enjoy it and what will be, will be.

aadustparticle@reddit

When we moved to Ireland, the apartment we had lined up fell through 2 days before we were meant to fly. Literally sitting in our empty apartment in the NL, all of our stuff in the moving truck on its way over to this address, and got a call that the landlord had a change of heart and no longer wanted to rent the apartment.

Total shitshow but we got some temporary accommodation and then 3 weeks later got an apartment lol. But yeah it was really intense. Especially considering we also were coming with the cat and everything. Our whole life was on the way to Ireland.

So basically, even if it all goes to shit, life figures itself out in the end :) don't stress it, just enjoy it

fingerstothebone@reddit

You are grieving a future that you thought you would live one day. Even if your new future is better, it is ok. The sense of the unknown is one of the most universally frightening things to humans! Normal nervousness, it would be weird if you were not at least a little anxious. You got this - you are going to be able to cope with whatever comes your way!

I can recommend the book “Radical Acceptance”.