Moving country for love - tips please!!
Posted by Emotional-Radish-878@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 19 comments
I’m in the UK and met someone whilst working in the US and we have been doing long distance. No problems about wanting to move, she’s fed up with the US and I have a daughter in the UK so it’s de facto she moves here and we’re all good about that.
What I’m really looking for experiences / advice on is what helps a relocating partner moving to a new country? She’s taking steps on her finances to give her some foundation while she figures out work and obviously we’re fighting her visa out, but what helps someone settled? How you made friends? How you created your own connection to the new country when moving to your partner’s location? How to feels with homesickness? Etc etc.
Many thanks! We love each other loads so I’m keen I do all I can to support her big move.
CuriousTrain9018@reddit
There’s a lot of great advice here. Moving countries is a hell of a stress, even if it’s a conscious decision, there’s a committed partner and seemingly the same language. Just keep that in mind every time she’s going through a hard time. And don’t take things personally, in fact you will both be adjusting to a new life together and it can be a rough journey. Always talk things through, never assume and you will be fine.
thiccthighsandadhd@reddit
Following this post because my bf is from England, and I'm from the US. We've been talking about moving to England lately. He brought it up first due to the things happening in the US. We're planning a trip in April to visit his family and show me around his hometown. We're going to use it as a test to see if I'd like to live there. I have autism and a lot of food sensory related tism. I'm more nervous about the food than anything else.
The responses so far have been helpful, and I'm looking forward to anyone else who responds.
Questions for you OP, what steps do you have to take for her to come to the UK? My bf looked into it a bit and mentioned something about sponsorship and how I wouldn't be able to work locally for a time.
Emotional-Radish-878@reddit (OP)
Hey - ah exciting I hope you come to the right decision! (Which is obviously moving to the UK…I am biased :)
Good question on what you have to put in place in advance. It depends what visa you can secure. For example if you get a student visa you can study but not work. If you get a tourist visa you can stay for limited periods and only work for a number of hours. Getting sponsored is something you’d do if there’s a UK company and they want to hire you - much rarer but better as you can then travel and stay freely as long as the company still employ you. I’m no expert so worth talking to an immigration lawyer. There are lots of options.
thiccthighsandadhd@reddit
I'm really leaning towards moving to the UK. I think it would be a nice adventure, he can be close to his family again, I can enjoy opportunities to travel more.
Okay, thank you for answering my question. We'll definitely look at our options, and I'll look into an immigration lawyer. Hopefully they aren't too expensive.
Cgaope@reddit
What worries you about the food? Most places have diverse restaurants from all over the world. Unless you are stuck in a small town. At the grocery, you can get pretty much the same things as you can in the US just less variety but also without so many toxic chemicals and preservatives. The food is one of the best things about moving from US to UK
thiccthighsandadhd@reddit
My bf tells me sometimes the food can be pretty bland. I have a lot of texture issues with food too. I'm worried that certain brands of safe foods won't be available and the UK alternative won't taste or feel the same. When we go in April to visit, he's going to take me to the local grocery stores and I can see what's available and maybe get a couple things to try.
I am looking forward to seeing how food without all the toxic chemicals will taste lol
Cgaope@reddit
There is a facebook group called Lonely girls london that also has whatsapp groups and is very helpful to meet people. Also internations app/website. Meeting people definitely helped me settle in and it was also nice to meet and speak to people from my own country where I could gripe a bit about things I missed and rave about new things I was loving that only someone from where I had come from would fully understand.
Emotional-Radish-878@reddit (OP)
Thank you - will pass that on to her super helpful! That thing of sharing gripes with others is so good for feeling sane. Anything else that has helped ?
Cgaope@reddit
Don't make her live without a tumble dryer. She needs to be able to throw her clothing in a machine and have it come out washed and dried in under two hours :)
Artemystica@reddit
Give her time, support, and space when she wants it. Follow her lead on going out vs staying in, and offer her opportunities to meet your friends. You've got a leg up because you already live where you live, and you have a friend group. Encourage her to go to meetup groups for her activities, and support her in whatever way she needs it. She'll get homesick, but that's pretty normal. Weekly FaceTime/Skype/Zoom should help.
It'll be better because she's already (presumably) fluent in English so there isn't a language barrier, but she's going to come up against things that you've not experienced firsthand. So while she's drowning, you're swimming a sea you didn't know existed. Just keep that mind and you'll be fine.
Emotional-Radish-878@reddit (OP)
What a soulful response. Thank you
Artemystica@reddit
You're welcome. I followed my partner to a place on the opposite side of the planet to a country I'd never been to, where I don't speak the local language, and English ability is remarkably low. It's a harrowing process and an absolute roller coaster, but I learned so much about my own resilience.
I feel very strongly that if my partner had not been so supportive (he's not from here either, but he had been multiple times, done study abroad programs, and speaks the language decently well), I wouldn't at all be able to live and work here and I'd have gone home long long ago..
DutchieinUS@reddit
She will meet people through you and also through work, so this will come with time.
Yes, she might get homesick and that’s something that everybody deals with in their own way. It was tough for my husband to see how homesick I got and I did travel back to my homecountry a lot. Maybe not for every couple, but it could put pressure on a relationship/marriage.
I ended up going back to my homecountry because I didn’t like the country I moved to.
Emotional-Radish-878@reddit (OP)
Thanks mate, the good thing is as she’s currently in the US but from Europe she will actually be better able to see her family thanks to the move - so that’s a bonus!
discoelectro@reddit
Nice to know that your relationship is strong and unmoving despite moving to different countries. I think now that I moved to Belgium from US, I will always have a foot in the US because I too close to my family to not visit or come back. Plus, my significant other has yet to visit my country so it’s rather tough.
Tat3rToy@reddit
I’m going to follow this thread as I have already moved, but from my experience I wish there was things people told me BEFORE I moved overseas. Especially since I am not a native speaker of the language so life is much more difficult 🥲 but I would definitely say plan, plan, plan!
Emotional-Radish-878@reddit (OP)
Interesting perspective on homesickness pal, thank you. When you say plan plan plan - what would you advise we plan exactly? There’s lots of moving logistics and visa stuff of course, but what’s beyond that?
Tat3rToy@reddit
I would say plan for the unexpected especially with visa related issues as they can be stressful. I would also say depending on her work, if she chooses to work in the Uk, there is also finding a job. I know it won’t be as hard for her since she is America living in an English speaking country, but I’m a just in case planner especially since I’m now the foreigner.
winkelschleifer@reddit
Don't let her throw food down the drain in the sink, thinking there is a garbage disposal (only in the US).