ULPT: Solved the problem of a neighbor letting their dog pee on and scratch up my car daily
Posted by liketreesintheforest@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 118 comments
I had a crappy neighbor who'd let their dog run around and pee on the cars closest to the apartment building door every single day. The smell and pools of urine were an issue already but ignorable if just on the pavement. The issue became unbearable when it started affecting the paint on my car and I had to pay hundreds of dollars to have entire panels replaced because the nail marks scratched my paint so deep that rust formed after a couple rainstorms. All I had to do was throw chocolate candies around the tires of my car every few days and that made the neighbor nervous enough about their dog eating it that they moved to a new spot.
spammmmmmmmy@reddit
Great idea. It gets the human motivated.
Just another tip, if you don't care about the dog owner's behavior and you only want to influence the dog, a splash of Tabasco sauce on each of your tires would likely have done the trick. The dog would have preferred another place that didn't hurt his/her nose.
animepuppyluvr@reddit
My dog is a hot chip girlie. He goes NUTS for chipotle sauces or hot cheetos or tabasco. So maybe it would have, maybe it wouldn't have. You'd probably have to do some ghost pepper hot sauce just to really make sure.
Blurgas@reddit
Personally I would have tried this first because the dog doesn't know any better
PandaDad22@reddit
You missed your chance to make piss Jell-O shots.
Upstairs-Ad-8067@reddit
Piss jigglers
twistedbrewmejunk@reddit
Aka piss discs for hot climates
PirateParts@reddit
How did you know my stripper name?!
Xendrus@reddit
Just, you know, casually. Unrelated to the dog.
undonedomm@reddit
Pee on a rag and put on his windshield
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
Why so tame? Get super hungover after drinking no water.
Pour that into his air intake on the bottom right of the windshield.
Blackphantom434@reddit
Is that on the right when facing the car, or when sitting in the drivers seat?
twistedbrewmejunk@reddit
Definitely pee in the vent and shit in the driver's seat...
TheBigBadBrit89@reddit
Asking for a friend
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
Right side from the drivers perspective. If you look at a car usually there’s a plastic grille there.
Fun fact my Prius got rodent proofing from the factory. Toyota lost some lawsuits for leaving open spots and wrapping the wires in soy based plastic (not kidding). By the time my car was released there’s a metal mesh over the holes and tough plastic guards around the snack-wires.
NeartAgusOnoir@reddit
Don’t do that…pour liquid ass, or fox or skunk scent in the vents
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
Why spend money on what I can already make at home.
Fantastins@reddit
DNA stuff probably
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
Urine dna is difficult to extract, doesn’t last as long, and is more fragmented.
lavasca@reddit
So much knowledge 💀
dumblederp6@reddit
Also, no cop is doing a DNA swab of someone's pissy air vents.
twistedbrewmejunk@reddit
Lol depends on what's going on and if Barney wants to test out his new crimelab 2000. Kit.
lavasca@reddit
Practical application 💀
robnet77@reddit
This guy oozes wisdom
InstructionFinal5190@reddit
You have a gross misunderstanding about the resources and concern the overwhelming majority of police officers have to go through the trouble to test in a situation like that.
twistedbrewmejunk@reddit
Guess that's why they call it piss poor ..
dannyjohnson1973@reddit
Eat Extra asparagus and brussel sprouts the night before.
Such_Manner_5518@reddit
Inject meat juice onto his seats through the window rubber 🤣
TolMera@reddit
Oh I LOVE this problem!!!
It’s real simple.
Go buy an electric fence power supply. They give a good (non-lethal) jolt.
Attach the negative side to your cars wheels.
Put a metal plate down where the dog will stand to take its piss.
Turn on the power, wait for the yelp.
jankyj@reddit
Or put some chocolates down.
RandomHellSpawn_666@reddit
In my opinion, only the owner(s) should be targeted / taught a lesson, not the dog.
The poor dog doesn't know any better (because of useless owner probably not training it / caring about what it does to other people's property)
TolMera@reddit
Sir, this is Unethical Life Pro Tips.
We may agree with you, but here we go for efficiency not morality.
One-Entertainer-4650@reddit
Sounds good but I would be worried that it would mess up the cars computers since the negative is essentially the frame of the car.
TolMera@reddit
Yea, same as the battery in your car, the negative side is hooked up to your frame. That’s why I explicitly said connect the negative to the wheels.
And if someone did it wrong, it still won’t mess up your car, but I don’t have the crayons to explain why.
JimmyCYa@reddit
Bobcat urine snow cone snow balls.
10before15@reddit
I had this issue once. I sprayed pepper spray on the center bottom of each tire before assholes morning walk. That dog NEVER came around my vehicle again.
BeeYehWoo@reddit
Justified.
Xendrus@reddit
Shame you have to go that route but what the hell choice do you have
misinformedjackson@reddit
The following also fits here - Hire a couple of bikies, nobody under 6 foot Five. With beards. Extremely large arms. Make sure you are holding a beer and have a large cigar in your mouth. Say everything with a smile. Hold gazes just slightly longer than usual. Knock on their door. Introduce yourself as ‘Jake. The following should suffice- can you pull a slight Slavic accent? ‘Greetings. Greetings, my neighbours. Please, forgive me. I have been amiss not to introduce myself. I am Jake. I want to know you. (Hold Gaze whilst momentarily scratching your nuts) I want you to know me. We can, become friends, no? Should you need anything I ask you to knock on my door. Please, this is not a request. It will become a need for you. It will be so. You understand? (Hold Gaze- serious. Then smile slightly. ‘Carrots. I can see you like carrots. I shall look after you. (Put your hand out but when he shakes turn his hand upright with yours on top). ‘We are like family now. My boys, Enzo and Keith know you now too. They will watch over you. Like wraiths. In the wind. So very, very close. Lick your lips and look to the sky. Pinch your right nipple and in a breathy voice, exclaim ‘Babushka, forgive your little boy’ Stare back at them for a further 8.6 seconds. Slowly turn and walk away. Enzo and Keith then relieve themselves on the front door. Enzo whispers You my dogs now. My. Baby. Dogs. They exit. Darkness. The end.
69pissdemon69@reddit
Please become a screenwriter
jailtheorange1@reddit
I totally said that right now in a Grigor from Billions accent.
HereComeTheSpoonsMFR@reddit
This was quite the entertaining read, I was doing the jack nicholson nod (from the departed) the whole time
No-Savings1984@reddit
That's horrible. It's not the dogs fault it's the owners. Chocolate can kill a dog. And before some ones says a little is fine, it's not. Maybe for some dogs, but some dogs even a small amount can really hurt them. Same goes for grapes. As a kid I didn't know and fed my dogs grapes all the time and they were fine, but I've since learned even half a grape can seriously hurt a dog even as big as a lab. Depends on the dog.
So don't blame the dog for the owner's poor behavior.
IllegalGeriatricVore@reddit
Chocolate is dose dependant. grapes are not. They're more like a coin flip.
No-Savings1984@reddit
Agreed about grapes. And lucky about the dog. Glad he's ok. :)
enwongeegeefor@reddit
Actually yeah...it is, you're an idiot. What is toxic in chocolate for dogs is Theobromine, which is just a single methyl group away from Caffeine. Theobromine is just as toxic to us as it is to dogs...the difference is that we metabolize it quickly, which prevents it from building up to toxic levels. Dogs do NOT metabolize it quickly, which can allow it to build up to toxic levels in their bodies. This means that a dog getting into some chocolate once isn't a big deal. If they do it over time it can be very dangerous. Chocolate is dangers as a chronic thing, not an acute thing.
Also not true. Literally derp parroted myths by people that believe everything they read online. Sister in laws iggy (so a toy breed) ate an entire 16oz bag of dove chocolates. Even the vet said the only worry is going to be the diarrea (which never even happened). That dog lived another 4 years to the age of 14 btw...
Know what's ACTUALLY super dangerous for dogs that people ignore all the time? Garlic in people food they get fed.
No-Savings1984@reddit
You make yourself sound smart but you're wrong. I've seen dogs hospitalized over chocolate. Granted most chocolate has very little actual chocolate in it and a lot of sugar. (So you're right it's mostly harmless) But dark chocolate contains more. . Source: 3 vets in the family and I work with them. But I agree onion and garlic are a bigger risk.
zefy_zef@reddit
I remember someone saying once it's 'good for their coat'. So it's actually dangerous to them? Good to know.
booch@reddit
You can, however, get carob treats... which look just like chocolate, but aren't dangerous for dogs.
liketreesintheforest@reddit (OP)
Thanks. Good to know grapes also work for this.
probation_420@reddit
To kill dogs? Yeah.
liketreesintheforest@reddit (OP)
No? I've never killed a dog, or any other pet.
probation_420@reddit
You're just intentionally putting food around your car that can kill dogs. And, as evidenced by your previous comment, you're now expanding your dog killing kit.
Huge distinction there.
liketreesintheforest@reddit (OP)
probation_420@reddit
And why did you choose chocolate, and branch out to grapes after hearing about how toxic they are to dogs?
flibble24@reddit
Sir this may not be the sub for you
probation_420@reddit
Why do you think he chose those foods?
Yall are such pussies. Just fucking own it lmao
ProfessionalSpirit89@reddit
you are very ethical and a little lost
HoxhasDeadbeatDad@reddit
You're the neighbor in the story aren't you?
I_AM_DEATH-INCARNATE@reddit
Want a grape? Maybe some chocolates?
probation_420@reddit
Call back to the grapes and chocolates! Incredibly witty.
Strikew3st@reddit
Username checks out, if the above offended commenter is a dog.
flibble24@reddit
Couldn't agree more. The OP is really unethical
probation_420@reddit
Get it? Because you said "unethical" and it's ULPT?
Fuckin zing.
flibble24@reddit
Yeah it was a good one right?
Affectionate-Bag8229@reddit
Excuse me but this dead dove tastes awful
WowFactory365@reddit
Not you but the chocolate covered grapes might.
Leading-Force-2740@reddit
and after dark, the trash pandas will happily carry away what the dog doesnt eat.
no mess to clean up. winner winner...
venusianinfiltrator@reddit
Sugar free gum is also lethal for dogs.
Secret-Tackle8040@reddit
This made me laugh very hard. Most excellent reply I've seen on reddit in a long time.
MrsInTheMaking@reddit
Walked into that one
senadraxx@reddit
Eh... They may not work as well, because far fewer folks tag it as an obvious thing. Like, I tell dog owners about the grapes thing all the time, and hakf the time, the dog owners don't believe me.
Catrysseroni@reddit
You are freaking out about harm that didn't happen. If we go there, the dog COULD have damaged something on the car leading to a fatal accident.
But in reality neither of those made up incidents happened. They are just marginally possible things that did not happen.
The risk was NOT that bad. OP's neighbour is an asshole, not an idiot. Anyone over age 5 will not let a dog eat Kit Kats off the pavement. (Anyone under 5 will take the Kit Kats for themselves so dog is still safe) It's a visible deterrent, not a top secret assassination attempt.
RunAgreeable7905@reddit
"That's horrible"
It's unethical. See the name of the subreddit?
Cruccagna@reddit
So you go on Unethical Life Pro Tips to complain that an unethical life pro tip is… unethical. Gotcha.
No-Savings1984@reddit
Unethical is one thing, doing something that could kill a creature of any sort is just cruelty.
KeepBanningKeepJoin@reddit
Be a better owner then
venusianinfiltrator@reddit
Dogs also like to gobble up things that have been in people's mouths, particularly gum that has been spit onto the ground. Most of it is also highly toxic to dogs. If I had a dog and walked it in public, you'd never catch me letting my dog go without a muzzle and I would watch them like a hawk even while leashed, they can scarf any toxic thing down and you won't know until a sick or possibly dead dog later.
Shwa_JW@reddit
r/UnethicalDeathProTips
pickledpunt@reddit
My dog used to eat squirrels and bring me the tails.
nervandal@reddit
I hope you put them on the fridge like a proud doggie parent
Usmc0341-85@reddit
My wife screamed the first time our mighty squirrel hunter brought his trophy squirrel tail into the house and gave it to her. 🐿️💀
BustyPneumatica@reddit
I used to sprinkle chili powder in the grass in front of my house where a neighbor's dog was killing the grass. The dog stopped.
Jubei612@reddit
Cayenne pepper.
maverickked@reddit
I’m new here, but couldn’t you have just used a piss disc?
Kingkwon83@reddit
Has a liquid ass disk ever been suggested here?
Heisalsohim@reddit
Dogs love to sniff ass. That would not keep the dog away
Kingkwon83@reddit
The same could be said about piss. Dogs love smelling other dogs' piss, especially on walks
John_Philips@reddit
Should’ve slipped a piss disk in his window or under his door. Dogs claims your car is his, you claim his home is yours. It’s a win win
CensoredAbnormality@reddit
Claim his home with piss waterbombs
PirateParts@reddit
Then there's no need for piss disks. Just cock your leg up on his front door & piss 🤣
AStewartR11@reddit
Did you ever talk to the neighbor like a person or did you just leap to being a massive dickhole?
AimForTheButts@reddit
Good for you living in a fantasy bubble. In reality you will find a lot of people who don't give a shit about civilized talk. Hence the chocolate.
HoxhasDeadbeatDad@reddit
Talking to a person who on purpose allows their dog to scratch their neighbors car isn't going to work. You're an overly online dork if you think people like that can be rationalized with.
moonrocks_throwaway@reddit
Did you overlook the neighbors behavior that caused the situation?
Rx-Rogie@reddit
Definitely caused the situation but would rather talk to the neighbor vs putting a dog's life at risk. The dog isn't pissing on his car because he hates the guy... He's just a dog.
No-Savings1984@reddit
You're totally right. It's not the dogs fault, it's the owner. Poisoning a dog for something like that rather than talking to the owner is horrible.
orange_lighthouse@reddit
They're not poisoning the dog. The dog isn't unsupervised. They're making it less appealing for the owner to let the dog piss on that one car.
No-Savings1984@reddit
They are leaving out poison knowing full well a dog comes by. If a parent walked by with their kid every day and they let their kid play on your car would you leave poisoned candy on the car for the kid? Probably not. Or, I'd hope not. Even if the kid was a complete brat.
Nice_Category@reddit
And TOTALLY unethical.
Take this to an unethical sub... oh wait.
The_slackfinder@reddit
No dog, no pee, no problem.
HarietsDrummerBoy@reddit
Sir this isn't ethical tips. We go straight to unethical here in a heartbeat
EAComunityTeam@reddit
No, this is Wendy's
b4madison@reddit
not really very funny doesn’t make a lot of sense in context feels like a reference for the sake of one
itsjamian@reddit
Yeah 0/7 this time.
sludgeone@reddit
Anybody willing to potentially fatally poison their neighbors dog and brag about it on Reddit has definitely never tried to talk to them irl. You’re getting downvoted because this is a hug box you’ve chosen to not be a part of lol
TwiztidJuggla420@reddit
It appears that you are the one being downvoted, lol.
sludgeone@reddit
That’s fine. A car isn’t worth more than a life.
TwiztidJuggla420@reddit
Not necessarily. Too many people their car is worth more than a human life to them, much less an animal that is already passing them off. Have you never heard of someone shooting someone trying to steal their car?
sludgeone@reddit
You’re trying to convince me poisoning the neighbors dog and potentially other wildlife is not worth one direct conversation with someone asking them to not do that? Are you high? Use words.
TwiztidJuggla420@reddit
I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I just stated the fact that many people disagree with you about a car not being worth more than a human life. If this wasn't the case people wouldn't shoot people trying to steal their car. Most people do value human lives more than animal lives so if they value their car more than a human life, they definitely value their car more than a random dog's life, especially if the animal is pissing them off.
sludgeone@reddit
Then talk to the owner(s) before resorting to poisoning possibly multiple animals. It’s that easy. That’s all I was saying.
WowFactory365@reddit
Yes, you're the asshole...sorry, wrong subreddit.
liketreesintheforest@reddit (OP)
Yes, and even tried to catch them countless times before doing anything. The main initial problem was that every time I was in the garage it was only to briefly drive my car into or out of it. The second initial problem is that I could wait a full hour to try to catch them to talk to them, but you're greatly overestimating the duration and frequency of dog pee breaks. The third problem that made me decide they were fully unreasonable was when they tried to sic their dog on my roommate.
Bubbly-University-94@reddit
I’d call letting your dog scratch the car being a stupendous dickhole
justpress2forawhile@reddit
So dickhole responding to a dickhole is just docking. I mean, if you're into that I guess what ever floats your boat. But isn't a normal persons go to.
KatzDeli@reddit
r/lostredditors
Slow-Molasses-6057@reddit
As someone who would never let a dog pee on a car. I sincerely hope you die of ass-cancwr
oisipf@reddit
Asshole