ULPT: Only amateurs keep records of sketchy activity. If you're going to do sketchy things, ditch the records, embrace plausible deniability.

Posted by squunkyumas@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 52 comments

Inspired by the arrival of a paper shredding truck outside the DOJ.

So, scenario: You've decided it's time to break the law. Don't send text messages, don't keep paper records, and remember that two people can keep a secret if one is dead. Don't gloat about how you're hoing to fleece your customers (Hello, Enron) anywhere. Ever.

This seems like such a simple step, but a simple glance at any number of true crime stories demonstrates that people screw this up repeatedly.

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Ambitious_Tea7462@reddit

I listen to true crime podcasts, and one of them always says,'Don't write down your crimes!!!' Because people will always write down their crimes.

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Cold-Lynx575@reddit

This is what amazes me about so many murderers and you would think it would go without saying.

NEVER brag about your crime to anyone especially if it was murder.

You cannot trust others to not squeal on you to save themselves.

If you feel guilty about what you did, you have two choices: admit your crime and face punishment or find someway to make peace with it.

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twobit211@reddit

in the autobiographical novel “you can’t win” by jack black (the victorian era career criminal, not the actor) he was advised early on not to discuss past exploits even with solid, so-called honest criminals of the underground. the line went something like ‘you never know. maybe in twenty years he walks into a church and finds jesus. then he goes on and confesses everything’

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wiredcrusader@reddit

Don't talk to cops or cellies or anyone you end up doing time with. People in confinement are looking to make deals or even make up shit to get deals.

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arclight415@reddit

This is a fantastic book! I bought it for a couple of friends who teach high school so that they could put it in their class libraries.

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Cold-Lynx575@reddit

I love it. This sounds like a good read - what is the title?

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twobit211@reddit

you can’t win)

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Cold-Lynx575@reddit

Appreciate you!

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cjw7x@reddit

Compartmentalizing works too

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Cold-Lynx575@reddit

That was just a task I completed last Tuesday - much like polishing my shoes.
:-)

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lsdlasertag@reddit

Three can keep a secret only if two are dead

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myredditthrowaway201@reddit

Inspired by the arrival of a paper shredder truck outside the DOJ

Yeah, get off the internet bud. It’s a 3 letter agency that probably has millions of pieces of paper that needs to be securely disposed of on a daily basis.

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mister-ferguson@reddit

I worked for a government agency and a shedding truck came monthly. While plenty of things need to be retained, we didn't need to keep 4 copies of a medical report from a case that closed a decade ago. Or monthly management reports on case contacts from an audit 6 months ago.

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TurdBomb@reddit

Exactly. If they are anything like us (military), they probably have a 100% shred policy. Nothing nefarious about that, just dumbass conspiracy theories like when one was at a voting station. It is crazy how much stuff you can gather if you have a red team dumpster diving an organization that doesn't have a shred policy.

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Wise-Quarter-6443@reddit

Is you taking notes.... on a criminal fucking conspiracy?

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Stephen_seagull@reddit

Only 4 down. Love this nice. Great The Wire reference

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cum_bubble69@reddit

I just finished that series last night. Amazing.

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cum_bubble69@reddit

I just finished that series last night. Amazing.

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EnthusedPhlebotomist@reddit

Its incredible to me how many criminals can't help but gloat.

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kvtnink@reddit

Don’t even take your phone with you so your gps will say you were in your living room the whole time.

Brag about it after the length of time for the statute of limitations of the activity you did haha

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Jff_f@reddit

Not only GPS. Network operators keep timestamped records of which cell tower your phone was connected to. So let’s say you are in a riot, police ask operators for logs of all phones connected to the towers that cover that area and for that time, and now they have a shorter list to start investigating.
If your phone was never there, then you are off the initial list unless they catch you red handed or your face is on camera or something like that.

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flyingace1234@reddit

This is how they’ve caught a lot of J6er’s, for the record. Additionally, this is why you should avoid being around any criminal activities even if you’re there for innocent reasons. You can get caught in the drag net.

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Jwzbb@reddit

Drive a rental or recently stolen car. ANPR will catch your license plate which is unfortunate when you just denied traveling there.

Also don’t ever talk to the police. Never. Everything you tell them can and will be used against you and even the stupidest details can incriminate you.

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elpatoantiguo@reddit

“I don’t answer questions from law enforcement without my lawyer present.” Works better than pleading the fifth. The latter is like saying, “I have the right to not self-incriminate.” Which of course gives the optics (even if untrue) that there is incriminating evidence.

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garaks_tailor@reddit

Legally you can cover your tag with a bicycle rack and a bunch of bicycles

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Stalking_Goat@reddit

It's technically illegal but I've never heard of it being enforced in America. Apparently in Britain you will get a ticket for it though, so many of their bike racks have a little bracket to hold the license plate.

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jeg_hedder_ben@reddit

Can confirm.

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Jwzbb@reddit

Yeah but this increases the chance of you being pulled over with uncle Conrad and aunt Ginny’s blankets draped over your backseat.

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garaks_tailor@reddit

Very very true

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Useless-Ulysses@reddit

Lmfao that post was about Texas there is no way that is in every state

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Backsight-Foreskin@reddit

I put the tailgate of my truck down to obscure the plate from readers.

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YouArentReallyThere@reddit

ANPR’s have gotten extremely sophisticated these days and they’re everywhere: traffic lights, intersections, weigh stations, state borders, major bridges etc. AR state troopers (and others) are using that tech to track rental cars running drugs from CA to the eastern states.

Take your neighbor’s car or ‘borrow’ the plate(s)

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Jumpy-Ad6470@reddit

You're right. The most important thing is to not tell on yourself.

Which includes telling your best friend of 20 years.

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unknown_user_3020@reddit

I worked with an accountant who had worked for a government agency that restructured insolvent banks. He then restructured companies in bankruptcy. He told me that early in his career he was instructed to never take notes. The only notes I ever saw him take in 2 years was in a common spiral bound notebook. Everything was in person or on the phone. No memos. No hand written letter or notes. His colleague, a retired banker turned consultant, never took notes. He’d take whatever financials were handed to him, only occasionally marking a report. Those two guys were incredibly smart, educated, experienced, successful at what they did, and probably unethical as hell.

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CrocodileTears2@reddit

I am guessing they are rich too?

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unknown_user_3020@reddit

Yeah. Millionaires not billionaires. They had stories from the CSX merger/reorganization. I came to realize how similar to organized crime big corporations are. The stories about shutting down a bank, detaining the principals, and reopening a couple of days later were crazy. Those made the government to be like a crime family.

The one guy was nice in many ways for our company. He gave the local union a copy of the financials, and said let’s figure how we are going to allocate money for wages, retirement, and health insurance. Everyone, union and nonunion, ended up with the same health insurance. A lot of other good stuff happened during that time. The company reorganized and came out of bankruptcy. Still around today.

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Stunning_Repair_7483@reddit

came to realize how similar to organized crime big corporations are.

They are worse. They cause more harm to more people than organized crime gangs.

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Altruistic-Flan8461@reddit

Hilarious a Canadian in a first world country has the audacity to post this lmao.

Micky D’s get your order wrong?

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mayorofdumb@reddit

They are the organized group. Get organized, that's the difference.

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Pikassho@reddit

As the saying goes it's unethical if you get caught, otherwise it's not.

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Ok_Muffin_925@reddit

Oftentimes people are a few miles down the road before deciding to bend the rules.

And it's those first few miles that attract attention or point out their misdeeds.

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North_Mirror_4221@reddit

Elaborate?

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Ok_Muffin_925@reddit

The difference between having a physical, witness, or electronic trail of evidence or not is when the decision is made relative o those things.

If you decide to do something against the law in a place you've never entered, never Googled, never shared your thoughts about it and plan to ensure no evidence is left; versus making the decision to commit a crime after Googling it, after visiting it, after talking about it with a friend.

When I was in the military we usually found out who did bad stuff because of their innocent footprint (circumstantial evidence).

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