It’s the 1980s, but you are online. What would you be searching out?

[-]

SneedyK@reddit

Whose boobs?

For me it would be first celebrity crush. Kirstie Alley. Wendie Malick was up there, too, I watched a lot of Dream On because I was a latchkey kid.

Fun Fact: KA only did one true nude scene, in 1984 at the height of her coke addiction. I finally found a copy of the film (Blind Date) at a VHS festival this summer. Man it looks bad I can’t wait watch it.

[-]

Just_Another_AI@reddit

Counselor Troi...

[-]

SneedyK@reddit

Yeah, I forgot she’s in there as well!

[-]

KoRaZee@reddit

Cindy Crawford was fly

[-]

Tylerdurden389@reddit

Only Blind Date movie I know is Kim Basinger and Bruce Willis. Still hilarious to this day.

[-]

SneedyK@reddit

That’s the one that usually comes up when you try and search for the Kirstie Alley film!

Similar issue with Blown Away. One has Jeff Bridges and bombs and the other has some of the steamiest scenes ever with Corey Haim & Nicole Eggert before his career started stalling and she got implants and a role on Baywatch.

I was a big fan of Charles In Charge growing up (Eggert) and those classic 80s comedies like License to Drive (Haim).

[-]

R0ck_Slide@reddit

Holy shit, I remember that show: Dream On

I wasn't a latchkey kid, so I had sneak my late night cable viewing well after my parents were alseep.

[-]

GuiltyPiglet5882@reddit

Miss Elizabeth

[-]

chueysworld@reddit

Lea Thompson

[-]

Ltimbo@reddit

So you have a BTTF fetish?

[-]

micsulli01@reddit

Guitar tabs!

[-]

Golden1881881@reddit

That’s what ripping out pages Guitar magazine is for while trying not to be noticed in the magazine section of the drug store aisle. Sorry to anyone who bought those afterwards.

[-]

Runinbearass@reddit

The internet is for porn. Rule 34 applies.

[-]

DerangedGinger@reddit

The first thing I did on a dialup BBS was download a game and porn.

[-]

Illustrious-Hair3487@reddit

I had a guy on my paper route who needed his computer fixed and I helped him with it and he was watching porn before I was out the door

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

What time is Jem on?

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

Shhh. That’s a girl’s show!! Better put your browser on private.

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

I only watch it to pick up chicks

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

Uh huh.

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

My girlfriend lives in another town, you don't know her

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

Strawberry Shortcake is on right now so just zip it about your “girlfriend” so I can watch the show.

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

Omg would shut up about Strawberry effing shortcake! I don't want diabetes so I watch the MoonDreamers!

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

If you don’t shut up about your lame ass MoonDreamers you’re going to make me miss Who’s the Boss AND Family Ties.

[-]

Golden1881881@reddit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCHOwqGn8oY

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

It was Mona. It was always Mona.

[-]

Golden1881881@reddit

👏👏👏

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

OMG I forgot about who's the boss!!!! Let's watch it together!

[-]

rjt1980@reddit

Man, the horror of flipping through the channels looking for cartoons, stopping on this because it was the only option, and then realizing IT’S A GIRL’S cartoon… smh. Might as well go outside and play.

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

I loved Jem and She-Ra! I turned out perfectly fine except I'm a little bit gay now. It wasn't Jem that turned me gay, it was He-Man!! Those big pecs, bulging biceps and thighs that could crack coconuts

gif

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

Boner made me gay.

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

Gay happy or Gay 💁🏻‍♂️

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

Yes and it was all Growing Pains.

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

I'm just happy I still wake up a "growing pain" every morning.

[-]

Idle__Animation@reddit

Wooooooaaaaah JEM!

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

The music's contagious, outrageous...

[-]

PhishinLine@reddit

Outrageous! Truly truly truly outrageous!

[-]

DamperBritches@reddit

This answer is outrageous. Truly, truly outrageous.

[-]

Burlington-bloke@reddit

My cousin, neighbour, brother and I used to play Jem. I was always Jem, my cousin was Kimber, my brother was Erik and the neighbour was Pizzazz. No one seemed bothered I was a boy. My father would have beat the snot outta me tho...

[-]

Just_Another_AI@reddit

Model trains & Weird Al. Wait, I still search those...

[-]

Beezel_Pepperstack@reddit

Ideal sock to leg ratio for this decade

[-]

OlDirtyJesus@reddit

NES cheat codes or walkthroughs. Nintendo power only had so much

[-]

Noah_Vanderhoff_630@reddit

Daisy Fuentes

[-]

Bakingsquared80@reddit

Probably Little Mermaid lyrics

[-]

Punkybrewster1@reddit

Yes!! I wrote them all down by hand from my VHS tape!!!! Painful

[-]

Punkybrewster1@reddit

Bel biv davoe tickets

[-]

J_Worldpeace@reddit

Acid doesn’t work in the studio as well.

[-]

om11011shanti11011om@reddit

Does eBay exist in this scenario? I am getting ALL the Popples and Cabbage Patch Kids!

Also, moding my Teddy Ruxpin.

[-]

mstermind@reddit

It was 1994 and the first thing I searched on the internet was news on Star Wars. Oh, and I still wonder where Pizza Hut sent the pizza I ordered...

[-]

UrOpinionIsObsolete@reddit

WC2b.net best strat 2v2 NO AIR NO HACKERS
Limewire > P.O.D.

[-]

taleofbenji@reddit

Kings Quest Walkthrough

[-]

Ratatoski@reddit

I had Kings Quest III on Amiga and absolutely hated how hard it was. Never got anywhere. Space Quest was awesome though and I did finish it.

[-]

taleofbenji@reddit

Yea, we liberally used the cheat guide for KQ3. Otherwise would have been impossible!

[-]

RJRoyalRules@reddit

Technically it was the early 90s but I remember getting so frustrated at the treasure map in Monkey Island I called a LucasArts phone number that gave hints.

[-]

taleofbenji@reddit

I did that for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade! We could never get past the final Nazi toll booth.

They would sell you the solution to the dialog as in what sequence of answers would get past him.

The final boss required a sequence of five correct answers that were seemingly random. Maddening!

[-]

OkGene2@reddit

Last Crusade game drove me nuts. You would think a game based on a movie you have watched 20 god damn times would not be too difficult

[-]

taleofbenji@reddit

I tried playing it again on my phone awhile back. Man it is TEDIOUS. All the shit you have to do in the castle, for example. Getting the right items, tricking guards in certain ways.

I guess my attention span is gone as I switch over to fruit ninja. :-)

[-]

OkGene2@reddit

Yep. The castle is where I gave up.

And back then, it took a lot (Codename: ICEMAN) for me to completely abandon a well-made game

[-]

humanzoomies@reddit

My friend and I had to order the Kings Quest IV hint book, which came with red decoder glasses. I remember waiting for a couple weeks for it to show up in the mail so we could get past the area where we were stuck

(It was the uvula)

[-]

RJRoyalRules@reddit

I had to get one of those as well, in my case for Hero's Quest (later Quest for Glory)! That was the very first computer game I had ever played and I got too scared of the monsters in the forest, so I would constantly start new games and just do the less-stressful early game stuff.

[-]

OkGene2@reddit

Quest for Glory 2 was practically impossible to win (or even make it to the intermission) without a hint book. Great games.

[-]

junctiontoron@reddit

Oh it's a girl house

[-]

AlilAwesome81@reddit

Love that movie

[-]

_Batteries_@reddit

I mean, Sierra would just sell you one of those.

[-]

taleofbenji@reddit

Never knew they existed until KQ2!

Do you know how long I looked for that goddamn magic mirror?

I remember praying to God in first grade about it.

[-]

_Batteries_@reddit

My journey started at KQ3.

[-]

bootsnfish@reddit

I remember spending hours mapping a desert (Grid paper and all). Sadly, there was nothing to find in the desert other than death.

[-]

taleofbenji@reddit

Lmao. KQ3 for sure.

[-]

bootsnfish@reddit

Oh, I think you are right. They really messed with me. I think you could go either 4 or 6 screens before dying and there were little oases that you could sometimes find that were beyond the point of no return, so I had to do this crazy grid search and considering how slow everything was back then I bet it took me days before I was convinced that there was in fact nothing.

[-]

SneedyK@reddit

Hey, I was the kid in class who could get past the age confirmation questions at the beginning of Leisure Suit Larry.

Then I grew up to become a LSL.

[-]

JVM_@reddit

Police Quest manual, page 3 first word.

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

You mean you don’t wanna check every rock in every scene?

[-]

the_matthman@reddit

You mean you don’t want to check under every rock in every scene?

[-]

Ratatoski@reddit

Early/mid 80s I saw Space Invaders and it became the purpose of my existence. I'm still in IT. So probably that. And Bruce Sprpringsteen, Mötley Crüe and Twisted Sister fan pages I guess. And boobs.

[-]

sexual__velociraptor@reddit

How to play leisure suit Larry

[-]

Ratatoski@reddit

That might have been fun honestly. I just went for trying out what few dirty words I knew at the time in the command interpreter.

[-]

Ok_I_Guess_Whatever@reddit

Nothing beats my dad’s search history when he didn’t know to clear the cache. “Wild boobs”. Almost 30 years later and I still have no clue what wild boobs means

[-]

Ratatoski@reddit

He's obviously a nature enthusiast who was trying to look for "Wild woods" but suffered a keyboard accident.

[-]

CoxAnonymous@reddit

Is there anything other than Star Trek chat forums and porn at that point? I was too young.

[-]

ls2gto@reddit

Queen live tickets

[-]

aerodeck@reddit

Free Butterscotch pudding how to

[-]

banana_fana_1234@reddit

How to beat a game on my Nintendo and song lyrics

[-]

ASingleThreadofGold@reddit

Probably stupid shit like "can you really dig to China?" Or "how do I find the end of the rainbow?" I was a dumb lil kid😂

[-]

Clean-Witness8407@reddit

G.I.joe, He-Man, Batman

[-]

Hicks_86@reddit

Boobs & Music

[-]

accidentallyHelpful@reddit

in ten years Netscape or Mosaic

[-]

theBlackMermaid@reddit

Gizmo’s for sale 2. She-Ra Training 3. Gummie Bear juice 4. How do I get Punky Power

[-]

sweetkatiecakes@reddit

Who has Aqua Net on sale.

[-]

IceSmiley@reddit

Toys coming out
Wrestling matches
Girl who played Angela on Mr Belvedere

[-]

RedditGotSoulDoubt@reddit

Same thing I search now “Elvira nude.”

[-]

shingetterpopo@reddit

What is Thac0

[-]

Sonderkin@reddit

Lottery numbers

[-]

flerchin@reddit

[-]

PrivateEnis@reddit

How do I know if I'm trans?

[-]

McFly1986@reddit

Hot Babes, Wet T-shirt Contest, Iron Eagle, Bloodsport

[-]

gummi-demilo@reddit

Phantom of the Opera animated movie. For YEARS i thought i’d hallucinated that thing.

[-]

SexPartyStewie@reddit

Cheetara, rule 34

[-]

Diva_Bot@reddit

On the Itchy and Scratchy CD-ROM, is there a way out of the dungeon without using the wizard key?

[-]

Diva_Bot@reddit

Zelda how do?

[-]

sunnybcg@reddit

How to meet Joey McIntyre and become his girlfriend.

[-]

sar_Mc1979@reddit

Mine would have been Jordan knight.

[-]

eLishus@reddit

Where is Kokomo?

[-]

fidgety_sloth@reddit

Debbie Gibson song lyrics. How to get nail polish out of carpet.

[-]

Miserable_Badger_255@reddit

Who shot JR.

[-]

AdFinancial8924@reddit

Same thing I search for today. My Little Ponies. Need to keep collecting.

[-]

JudgeJuryEx78@reddit

Are Garfield and Heathcliff friends?

What do dogs dream about?

Best trees to climb near me.

[-]

TonyNoPants@reddit

Pirate pdfs of both Dungeon and Dragon magazine

[-]

Life_Grade1900@reddit

"How to prevent the coming internet apocalypse through liberal use of EMP"

[-]

nvr2manydogs@reddit

How to skate backwards.

[-]

khatpewp@reddit

UFOs and anything Occult

[-]

TheJokersWild53@reddit

Looking up how to beat video games and how to do algebra

[-]

micsulli01@reddit

Guitar tabs!

[-]

NoMeasurement3542@reddit

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

[-]

AKEsquire@reddit

How to make it to Broadway. How to get Frank/Aric/etc to notice me. Whats the worth of my Topps baseball cards. How far away is Chicago.

[-]

po_ta_toes_80@reddit

Micromachine's full inventory.

Hair band videos.

Baseball card values (and set up alerts for any changes to my $0.01 value cards)

NES cheat codes (related, Zelda walkthrough)

[-]

brilliantpants@reddit

Sailor moon pictures and virus-filled sailor moon cursor packs that mad me dad furious

[-]

ScreechUrkelle@reddit

Richard Simmonds naked Jane Fonda Jane Fonda naked Richard Simmonds Jane Fonda naked

[-]

spinereader81@reddit

I'd be on toy sites, looking at Barbies and My Little Pony items I wanted.

[-]

54sharks40@reddit

Phoebe Cates

[-]

Nwcray@reddit

Reminds me that in 2024, I ought to search for Phoebe Cates.

[-]

SchwillyMaysHere@reddit

Digital Underground tour dates.

[-]

Scherzkeks@reddit

HOW TO AVOID CRITTERS

[-]

FriendlyPea805@reddit

Big boobs and bush

[-]

SailorCredible@reddit

How to gain self-esteem :(

[-]

Three4Anonimity@reddit

Tawny Kitaen and.......

...yeah, Tawny Kitaen.

[-]

Ok-Bowl-6366@reddit

online didnt exist. it was just a standalone desktop. maybe someone was using printshop

[-]

Tall_Lab6962@reddit

Early 80s - Mary Lou Retton

Late 80s - Punk lyrics

[-]

LasagnahogXRP@reddit

Thank for it WASNT like that. Concert tickets could be bought at stores or venues. You could actually go to shows for the face value on your ticket (+a SMALL fee)

[-]

Ineedavodka2019@reddit

You guys were online in the 80s?

[-]

matts1@reddit

No, the internet we see today wasn’t available until 1993. There were bulletin boards and what was called ARPAnet in the 80s but it wasn’t the same.

[-]

Ineedavodka2019@reddit

I know. I was there. I don’t know then.

[-]

Erik500red@reddit

Its an "if" question

[-]

poodle-lovin419@reddit

Zelda 2: Adventures of Link walkthrough. Oh, and “Elizabeth Shue nude”

[-]

nocrisistoday@reddit

Baseball statistics, Mad Magazine, stuff about cartoons. Pretty much my whole life in the 80s.

[-]

AlilAwesome81@reddit

New Kids on the Block

[-]

charliedog1965@reddit

The Trouser Press guide to new wave records. I had the print edition, and it would have made a good website.

[-]

ChromeDestiny@reddit

Who played the woman in Yes' Rhythm of Love music video?

[-]

MashedPotatoesDick@reddit

"What does Nanny look like?"

"What does Dr. Claw look like?"

"Where is Parts Unknown?"

[-]

JFull0305@reddit

In no particular order: Star Trek TNG show and character history, music videos/lyrics, "computer how to", new games coming out

[-]

matts1@reddit

TNG wasn’t a thing in the 80s, neither was music videos and certainly not news about new games. The internet wasn’t available until 1993.

[-]

JFull0305@reddit

TNG started in 1987...MTV started in Aug of 1981...and the question said "it's the 80s, and you're online.". (Therefore internet)..it was a hypothetical.

[-]

matts1@reddit

Ok I was wrong about TNG, but no the internet was not a thing for you to look up music videos.. you had to watch them on tv. Video on the internet wasn’t even a thing until the late 90s.

[-]

Glittering_Tea5502@reddit

Cabbage Patch dolls

[-]

Numerous-Loquat-1161@reddit

Amazed at the buys I can get on EBay.

[-]

cantwejustplaynice@reddit

Blowing in Nintendo cartridge, good or bad?

[-]

CobraLaserface-@reddit

TvGuide

[-]

Dwangeroo@reddit

Demi Moore's bush

[-]

TurdFerguson2OOO@reddit

How to beat TMNT on NES

[-]

Gian_Luck_Pickerd@reddit

No results found.

[-]

HollyCalamity@reddit

This question does not compute. I’m seriously struggling to imagine what my 1-10 year old self would think of the interwebs. Maybe how to actually get to Sesame Street?

[-]

LaVida2@reddit

We still don’t know how to get there.

[-]

HollyCalamity@reddit

It’s overrun by murderous immigrants now.

gif

[-]

Erik500red@reddit

Not for long

[-]

Murky-Olive8603@reddit

“We Need to Talk About Reagan”

[-]

TheLastBlakist@reddit

'Jobs that don't require driving.'
'Is it legal to shoot your dad if he's hitting your brother?'
'How to get help as a minor when your parents won't listen.'

...need I go on?

[-]

Lazy_Match724@reddit

I would be looking for NES codes. Period. Thats it.

[-]

DrMcJedi@reddit

When will the next Star Wars movie ever come out?

[-]

Murky-Olive8603@reddit

“Falcon Crest recap”, “Jordache jeans cheap”, “Gwendolyn Pierce actress circus of the stars”

[-]

dragon_fiesta@reddit

Hover boards and flux capacitors same as when I actually did get the Internet

[-]

noronto@reddit

Is peeing in the bed normal?

[-]

taleofbenji@reddit

It's cool to pee your pants!

[-]

FengSushi@reddit

No, it’s warm

[-]

deowolf@reddit

Settle down, Miles Davis

[-]

djblackprince@reddit

Saturday morning cartoon schedules

[-]

Murky-Olive8603@reddit

“Stream Shirt-Tails online”

[-]

nekkid_farts@reddit

Video games and porn most likely

[-]

solomons-marbles@reddit

GI Joe Scarlet Boobs

[-]

ElectricSnowBunny@reddit

man I dont even remember what I was even doing at 8

Probably how to blow stuff up

[-]

Pantsy-@reddit

500 ways to make friendship bracelets.

[-]

IAm5toned@reddit

FTP sites 😈

[-]

TopRedacted@reddit

How to stone wash jeans.

[-]

lemonheadlock@reddit

Are vampires real, how do you become a vampire, am I turning into a vampire

[-]

_1457_@reddit

Teddy Ruxpin

Buy Teddy Ruxpin

Girl Teddy Ruxpin

Girl Story Teddy Ruxpin

Two Girls One Teddy Ruxpin

Anonymous european bathroom sex through a hole in the wall

[-]

kingrat1@reddit

Dinosaurs, funny songs/Weird Al Yankovic, stand-up comedy, US history and NASA

[-]

Hans-moleman-@reddit

I am not sure about the 80's because we didn't have a computer until the 90's but I remember looking for guitar tabs a lot.

[-]

Pharmacy_Duck@reddit

Where can I complain about Doctor Who being cancelled/being back, but being rubbish/being good, but having the Kandy Man in it/being cancelled again (depending on what point of the 80s)?

[-]

beahdawn@reddit

Scented pencils and markers, scented erasers, scented stickers, Lisa frank stickers, and probably the JCPenney toy catalog.

[-]

Correct-Ad8693@reddit

Stock market. I’d be making a lot of investments.

[-]

Phoniceau@reddit

Madonna makeup tutorial. (GRWM Madonna?)

[-]

BennyRhythm@reddit

Zelda dungeons probably

[-]

Relevant_Horror_7311@reddit

David Lee Roth photos

[-]

mike___mc@reddit

Where can I find some Funky Cold Medina?

[-]

giraffemoo@reddit

How to beat Think Quick

[-]

heyitscory@reddit

Jello recipes

Good jello recipes

Good jello recipes -celery -capers -tuna -mayonnaise

Pie recipe

Is [actor/comedian/musician from the 30s-60s] alive?

How old is Cab Calloway?

Is Betty White single?

Price of 80MB HDD

Price of 40MB HDD

Used hard disks for sale

How to save hard drive space

How to recover deleted files

[-]

Ohmytripodtheory@reddit

Gallery Magazine.

[-]

chickinthenocehouse@reddit

Real estate to buy

[-]

ElCampesinoGringo@reddit

Hotel California tablature

[-]

delibertine@reddit

"Cindy Crawford hot", "Cindy Crawford bikini"

[-]

hereticjones@reddit

Song lyrics. So many song lyrics.

Everything back then was so poetic, and I misheard so many lyrics. It didn't help that nothing made any sense in a mundane way: "Take on me" for instance? The fuck is that?

And Michael Jackson with all his Tch-ha! Mm-ah! Hee HEEEE! SHAMOHN! and Mama Say Mama Sa Ma Mackoo Sa!

Like that one was literally a different language, but it was impossible to tell. It was a very confusing time, lyrically.

[-]

Obvious_Argument4188@reddit

Goonies fan club patreon

[-]

Gold-Reaper16@reddit

Punky Brewster episodes and Rainbow Brite toys. Who am I kidding, I do that in 2024.

[-]

concours_kawi10@reddit

Why mike mulligan let Maryanne become a furnace/boiler for the new city hall.

[-]

sarahstanley@reddit

Porno.

[-]

StormComing-1980@reddit

Did Mikey from the Life cereal commercial eat Pop Rocks and Pepsi and…😂 or did Mikey actually like it?

[-]

AssclownJericho@reddit

G.i. Joe's. Cuz I would still be in diapers

[-]

Dependent_Bill8632@reddit

DINOSAURS

PICTURES OF DINOSAURS

MORE DINOSAURS

[-]

ConundrumMachine@reddit

Is Weird Science real?

[-]

Synthea1979@reddit

Where to find all the BabySitters Club and Gymnasts series books and all the typical pre-teen girl stuff. Why are boys so mean, hair and fashion advice, how to fake being sick to get out of school, etc lol

[-]

Bakingsquared80@reddit

I loved the Gymnasts series so much

[-]

rataculera@reddit

Movies

Invasion USA

The Delta Force

Missing in Action 1-3

And how to buy Nike, Apple and MS stock

[-]