Temporary Rapture. Tomorrow 2.4 billion Christians disappear all at once. Their clothes are left empty, like a Jedi master. They're gone for three days, then return.
Posted by CrunchyAssDiaper@reddit | CrazyIdeas | View on Reddit | 131 comments
Imagine if tomorrow all at the same time, 2.4 billion Christians around the world disappeard like a Jedi Master. Would the world fall into chaos? Would those left behind repent? What would happen to America when 66% of people disappeared? Would those left behind get amazing deals on Homes? Would the commute to work be a breeze?
Then three days later the Christians return. Would those left behind be slightly disappointed?
Imagine if some people dissapeared, unrelated to the rapture, and they didn't return. Would their family imagine they just stayed raptured and not look for them?
ToeMany8953@reddit
Personally, as a wiccan, I'd throw a f#cking party....then they'd be back before I'd even got rid of the hangover
daddyescape@reddit
If a practice rapture actually happened and only real, practicing Christians disappeared, wouldn’t that be an indicator that those who weren’t raptured need to be very concerned about their pending fate?
SlackToad@reddit
If Jedi leave their clothes behind, how come Jedi ghosts aren't naked?
CrunchyAssDiaper@reddit (OP)
Because Disney sucks.
SergeantIndie@reddit
Predates Disney.
It's because Alex Guinness was too big of a coward to hang dong.
AardvarkIll6079@reddit
Disney didn’t invent force ghosts. They’ve been a thing since 1981.
micsare4swingng@reddit
Excellent question. I just wanna see some Jedi Junk
CaptainLucid420@reddit
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine
CrunchyAssDiaper@reddit (OP)
That's not a space station.
micsare4swingng@reddit
Gives a whole new meaning to “this hunk is junk? she may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts.”
Raveyard2409@reddit
I've never considered this, you've just ruined star wars for me.
Erik0xff0000@reddit
There are very few real christians in the world. They are mostly fake, so we may not even notive
apple-masher@reddit
Unfortunately, when they reappear 3 days later, the earth has moved 4.8 million miles in it's orbit around the sun. They all reappear in the vacuum of space and die.
throwaway20102039@reddit
Thank god.
MoodNatural@reddit
Touché
megablast@reddit
No one would ever know that they returned.
hiero_@reddit
Scientists would know, I assure you
Solid-Hedgehog9623@reddit
They sense thousands of voices all crying out at once?
5irCh0rle5@reddit
Then we have to clean up space debris, like everything else they do.
baronvonpenguin@reddit
Just wait a year then hold a bucket up to the sky
Powerful-Ant1988@reddit
Umm, the earth will never be in that same place ever again.
IncoherentPenguin@reddit
But it's all relative, right? So, while the Earth will never be in the same place, its relative position in the solar system will remain more or less the same. Eventually all those bodies are going to deorbit at some point.
Queue the music: Bodies by Drowning Pool
Powerful-Ant1988@reddit
If they reappear in the same place 3 days later, the entire solar system will be in a completely different place. I don't know off the top of my head how fast the solar system is moving, but after 3 days, the earth will never sweep through that cloud of bodies.
IncoherentPenguin@reddit
Good point. I figured that they would reappear in the same point in space relative to when they were removed.
SpiritualAudience731@reddit
🎶 It's raing men 🎶
PomeloPepper@reddit
Depends on whether you believe you're a Christian vs. God believes you're a Christian.
Anyway, I'd probably be making the rounds to get all the dogs, cats, birds, etc fed and watered. Tryna figure out if they'd be better off in a secure house or have outside access...
Lot to think about.
ImmediateLobster1@reddit
So funny story, a few years ago two guys started a rapture pet care business. The concept was that pets will be left behind during the rapture, but they shouldn't have to suffer as a result. So the deal was, you pay them a set fee, give them your pet information, and after the rapture, they'll take care of your pets.
One founder was an atheist, the other was Jewish. The Jewish guy was like "hey, I'm very religious, we just don't believe in the rapture."
promixr@reddit
We would have three days to create sensible, science- ethical- and data-driven public policy that ignores their religious sensibilities…
spideygene@reddit
That's adorable. You really think it would take 3 days to send them back.
leswill315@reddit
Do they have to come back?
JuliusSeizuresalad@reddit
Imagine how quick my commute to work would be with half the population and then that chick at the office who always tells me I should go to her church won’t bug me either. How do we make this happen? I’m ready for it now
zephyredx@reddit
Well someone better tell my employer I'm using 3 PTO days.
dinklberg1990@reddit
That would be the best 3 days on the earth.
Jacks_Lack_of_Sleep@reddit
I’ve been baptised but I wasn’t consulted in that shit. Am I rapturing or staying behind?
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JackieTreehornprod61@reddit
We wouldn't notice the rapture because only about a dozen of the 2.4 billion would be taken as the rest are only calling themselves Christians. They do not follow the teachings of Christ.
hanleybrand@reddit
Wait, why do they come back? Were they returned, like an Amazon order?
braywarshawsky@reddit
So like its a black Friday deal that gets blown out of proportion.
Then 3 days later the company orders a recall of all items sold.
That's basically what would happen.
royale_wthCheEsE@reddit
The only bad part of your scenario is that they come back.
QuesoHusker@reddit
The number of Christians who believe in a rapture is nowhere near 100%…it’s more like 1-2%.
Re: coming back? Even Jesus can’t stand them.
dsanen@reddit
Would be cool if most of the people that dissapear are atheists. Then come back saying like, yeah that dude up there hates what you’ve done with that book.
I_am_Cymm@reddit
Sorry, no take backsies. Once their gone, there are no refunds no returns. The good people of the world don't need that evil just popping back.
OneLessDay517@reddit
66% of Americans disappear in the Rapture???? HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I'm not an expert, but I do believe the Rapture Rules say that one must be a TRUE Christian, meaning living in the image of Christ, in order to participate, not just be registered in a Christian church.
Given those requirements, my guess is a grand total of 5 people will vanish in the US and likely no one will notice they are gone before they get back!
J0nathanCrane@reddit
Millions more would die as unmanned vehicles continued down their path killing or maiming everyone in their path. The destruction would be so intense and chaotic that three days time would not be enough to clean up highways, airports, subways, etc... Housing would not be impacted enough in that short period.
BigGayGinger4@reddit
There is an entire TV show about this called "The Leftovers" and some people loved it. I thought it was meh. Your mileage may vary.
Jolly-Knowledge8704@reddit
1% of people are Christians.
SonOfFloridaMan@reddit
I’ll watch the first episode
berrey7@reddit
It took like a couple of episodes to get going. Then it got lost along the way.
I_AM_DEATH-INCARNATE@reddit
I only watched the second season and loved it
BigGayGinger4@reddit
It goes with the version of your suggestion where they do not return. Chaos ensues.
cobainstaley@reddit
there have been other shows too, inspired by the concept of a "Rapture." "The 4400" and "Manifest" are a couple.
spoiler: super powers
megablast@reddit
agreed
OprahSwagfrey@reddit
I wasn’t a fan of it either
Practical-Anxiety-68@reddit
That's what I thought they were explaining at first!
Raptor1210@reddit
If Christianity is getting temporarily Raptured, it's going to be because God has finally gotten tired of the bullshit and is going to put the fear of God back into Christians, not congratulate them on how well we've been behaving—especially Evangelicals. I think the world will be a much better place afterward if Christians in general actually, you know, started acting Christ-like.
hiptobecubic@reddit
You people wishing Christians would be more Christian have clearly never met any fundamentalists of any religion at all, let alone Fire And Brimstone Christianity.
YourUnusedFloss@reddit
Those are the kind of folks Jesus was talking about when he said don't be "like the hypocrites"
hiptobecubic@reddit
From the non-Christian perspective no one cares if you're acting like a fundamentalist superficially because you think you can trick God or earnestly because you're a true believer. You're still awful.
YourUnusedFloss@reddit
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. If they had the capacity for that kind of self-reflection, they wouldn't be how they are.
Those of us that unfortunately had to grow up in homes like that but were gifted with the skill to reevaluate our beliefs are likely to have already moved on from evangelical cultist bullshit long ago.
hiptobecubic@reddit
OK? I was responding to your point about Jesus thinking it somehow makes a difference whether you're a hypocrite or not.
YourUnusedFloss@reddit
You should probably look up the reference that I made to start with.
hiptobecubic@reddit
I don't think anything I've said is in conflict with it. Can you elaborate?
Raveyard2409@reddit
Even sketchier idea - turns out the church is right and you just need to believe in jesus and basically nothing else matters. All the nonces, rapists, murders etc that accept christ get to go to heaven and anyone that didn't accept jesus christ (including those literally born before him and anyone who never met a Christian) goes straight to hell, or at best, according to Dante, purgatory.
Christianity is fucked up.
That would be fucked up.
VaritasAequitas@reddit
Imo I don’t think that’s sketchy, that would actually be pretty selfless. You as a person wouldn’t forgive these people cause they are irredeemable, but God would because He still gives everyone a chance. Of course it’s two ways to interpret your hypothetical, but just a thought
TFOLLT@reddit
I'm christian, but imo encountering true christians is just as rare in church, as in 'the world'.
Sadly most believers tend to belief for themselves, not for their god. And so they preach their own flawed morality to others, instead of preaching a biblical morality to themselves.
Never trust a believer who uses 'gods words' to play lawmaker over others.
Possible_Bullfrog844@reddit
How are you going to get an amazing deal on a home in less than 3 days? You surely aren't even going to know which are completely empty, and you can't just seize it and empty it of all belongings in just two days and put it on the market and get it instantly sold. Looting would be more plausible.
Also it's probably going to be a hellish commute to anywhere and take more than three days to clean up all the car crashes and possible fatalities on the highways caused by raptured drivers, you probably don't even have a functioning job anymore because the rest of the world is trying to figure out wtf just happened.
WhichWitchyWitch@reddit
Have you met a Christian recently? If the Rapture happens, they ain't going anywhere. 🫠🥹
SloppyJoeGilly2@reddit
Ya cause most don’t actually behave or live as a Christian. It’s sad man.
hiptobecubic@reddit
What are you talking about? It's great.
SloppyJoeGilly2@reddit
What’s great?
hiptobecubic@reddit
Not behaving or living as a Christian.
mrkstr@reddit
You're hanging out with a bad crowd.
Creative-Leader7809@reddit
Too many american Christians.
mrkstr@reddit
Most everyone I know is somewhat religious. And most everyone I know tries to be a good person. You guys hating on Christians are stereotyping, because it's not representative.
Creative-Leader7809@reddit
Maybe it's not representative based on your experience but it is for us. Abortion laws that lead to people dying (yes really) or pediatric rape victims beging forced to carry their uncle's child to term, empty "we're sorry" prayers each week that give them the privilege to do what the fuck ever as long as they show up again next week and pay a proportional tithing, gun fetishes, war fetishes, racism, hate against LGBTQ in their own God's name, keeping their female children out of college because they're for making homes and babies, "I heard your entire family died in a fire, God works in strange ways". I could go on but yeah, there are a lot of shitty Christians out there.
hiptobecubic@reddit
"somewhat religious" and "trying to be a good person" isn't Christian in any meaningful sense. Almost everyone on Earth is "somewhat religious" and "trying ot be a good person." Christians do Christian things. That's what makes them Christian.
skredditt@reddit
Everyone that’s going already went
Clevertown@reddit
Nailed it!
jwwetz@reddit
I don't know about that...I'd say 75 to 90% would still be here and VERY confused why.
Bubbly_Accident_2718@reddit
Thanos gets blamed for everything
Aggravating-Fee-8556@reddit
First thing we do is hide all their clothes.
Kinda hard to be all preachy and judging on us without any clothes on.
RatCatSlim@reddit
Just like Adam and Eve!
CrossTheRiver@reddit
It wouldn't be Christians that get raptured. According to the lore, you have to actually be a good person.
One_Planche_Man@reddit
The world would definitely fall into chaos, seeing as how 2.4 billion people just disappeared and are no longer operating vital infrastructure, and the rest are now either in sudden awareness or hysterical disbelief that Christianity really is the one true religon. This doesn't count the millions of deaths that would occur because the raptured people were operating machinery at the time they disappeared. There would be millions of people behind the wheels of cars at the time, and when they get raptured, those cars will crash. Then you count planes, helicopters, boats, bikes, etc.
Ostracus@reddit
Reminds of all those zombie movies.
kevinsyel@reddit
Do we have to take them back?
Ostracus@reddit
All part of recycling.
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-WhitePowder-@reddit
The world's average iq gets higher for 3 days straight. It's a W
Blarghnog@reddit
“Dammit Harriet, where did our clothes go?”
cyesk8er@reddit
If the religion was real, I bet the actual Christians who'd vanish would be something like 1% or less of those who claimed it. If the others knew what happened, there would be a lot of panicking
Kflynn1337@reddit
Assuming they reappear more or less in the same spot, there's going to be a lot of embarrassed people because they'd be naked, and their clothes almost certainly would've been tidied up by then.
MyRockNRollSoul@reddit
Oh, man... They'd just LOVE that shit. The smug would be unbearable upon their return. Ick.
hiero_@reddit
I mean if 2.4 billion Christians disappear and reappear and it's pretty obviously only them, I would probably convert myself
eveezoorohpheic@reddit
Not if 90% of them go take their 3 day vacation in hell, and get a warning to stop being assholes, and actually follow the golden rule.
MyRockNRollSoul@reddit
Unfortunately, that's not the rapture, my friend. That'd just be justice.
eveezoorohpheic@reddit
Right, but this is a CrazyIdeas fake rapture. Why not adjust it be a preview/warning for the 'believers'.
Mr_Gaslight@reddit
They'd all be naked, right?
BobT21@reddit
Many (most?) Christians don't believe in rapture.
CrunchyAssDiaper@reddit (OP)
So they're going to be super surprised.
spoonybard326@reddit
A lot of non believers are going to get outed when they don’t disappear for three days.
A lot of people in places like North Korea are going to end up in camps after their three day absence outs them as Christians.
NotAnAIOrAmI@reddit
Only about 3,000 Americans disappear, not much happens aside from some frantic news stories.
You meant real Christian, right?
hiptobecubic@reddit
Economy collapses. War erupts immediately. Society is destroyed. They come back and nothing recovers. 98% of everyone dies in the fighting and humanity turns into "The Last Of Us" minus the fungus.
nikknakkpattywhakk@reddit
Why do they have to return? Isn’t that the opposite of the point?
BrandoSandoFanTho@reddit
It's cute you think that many people are true followers of Christ.
sloanautomatic@reddit
we would suddenly have proof of who is doing things right according to the God. This would be helpful to know.
We’d also get to see all the people who aren’t.
wizzard419@reddit
Wow this bot is sensitive...
Depends... what would they experience during the missing time?
For the people left behind, it would likely be chaos in places with a decent population of that faith. Aircraft would fall (screwing those who weren't taken and even those who would be returned), anything federal/state/county would be blocked, any vehicles in motion would be at risk, and even infrastructure would be at risk. Since no one would know this is a temporary thing, it might end up being a post-disaster experience.
Even if the roads aren't filled with crashed cars and such, systems would grind to a halt. The cheap house scenario wouldn't happen because you would have dependencies beyond just the buyer and seller, including state/county and it would suspend operations.
What would be interesting is if the ones who were taken just saw nothing, what would happen to faith. Would people lie claiming they saw stuff, would there be new factions created?
malenfant21@reddit
When they come back, will they have Christian values?
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megablast@reddit
2.4 billion? A little bit delusional. Most are fake.
Your references are 40 years old.
CatStacheFever@reddit
I would hope that everyone left would, in three days, take EVERYTHING these charlatans own, size all power and when they return they find the have nothing. .the best thing that could happen to this world is to strip Christians of all their power
The fact you are letting them return is a blight on humanity
anointednonsense@reddit
That'll fix em!
InformalPenguinz@reddit
I'm gonna steal as many wallets as i can
mrkstr@reddit
I would use the opportunity to stage my own disappearance.
frontadmiral@reddit
Some of the people who didn’t get taken (certain preachers, politicians, Chick Fil A managers, etc) would have some serious explaining to do
Wildebeast2112@reddit
What about those "Christians " who subscribe to supply side Jesus,?
WHAT IF THEY DIDN'T DISSAPPEAR !
MsNeedAdvice@reddit
Keep this idea to yourself Brother! I like the little spin of the return on the classic rapture
13thmurder@reddit
If steal their clothes.
spikus93@reddit
I'm sorry Craig, I thought you were gone for good. The leftovers in the fridge with your name seemed like a shame to just throw out.
shroomigator@reddit
FYI the rapture happened just before the antichrist showed up.
Nobody noticed.
Nobody ever notices when homeless people go missing.
IamMrT@reddit
They weren’t raptured, they just got shipped to California.
shroomigator@reddit
No seriously, the rapture was like six people, four homeless guys, a nun, and a tech ceo who cracked the algorithm
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High_Overseer_Dukat@reddit
What show is this?
exasperatedoptimist@reddit
My first thought: Pretty sure I'm gonna wish I had my clothes when i got back.
Also surprised Google agreed there were about that many
Also, given how argumentative we are, I imagine we'd be getting a telling to while we're out. Would we come back chastened or unified...
But maybe the Swiss Chalet (insert crowded Sunday Restaurant) would have enough seating for once while we're gone, so there's that
Piggybear87@reddit
But do they HAVE to come back?
shutupphil@reddit
are those cults that also use bible included?