does anyone dislike returning to their previous country/country where they grew up?
Posted by geekgeek2019@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 58 comments
hii! Does anyone dislike returning to their previous country/country where they grew up? I was born and brought up in country X and after high school moved to country Y which is a neighbour of X.
My family then moved back to our home country. I didn't really get to say goodbye to X and since Y is very similar to X, I didn't feel any difference.
My siblings, on the other hand, were sad but eventually adjusted back home. Now, whenever they visit X, they are super happy and excited. But I am not really interested in X anymore. I would rather be in Y or my home country. I am not even a fan of Y so much lol but I rather be there.
Idk. It feels like X has grown and developed so much in the 4 years I have been away it feels very new to me?
anyone else?
AubergineParm@reddit
From the UK.
When I came back to the UK after 6 years, I was shocked to see how expensive everything had got, how depressed and suspicious people had become, how bad crime had become, and how utterly normalised the highest levels of corruption and immorality had become. These are things that should surprise you, but it was clear that standards in the country had fallen so steadily, people were just used to it by the time I moved back.
Utterly depressing.
uzibunny@reddit
This really sums it up. It's such a shame to see. Around 5 years ago it really was a different place. I spent the CVID years back in the UK and unfortunately a lot of damage was done then, the way the government handled (or mishandled) things led to huge mistrust between people. I was in Brighton, and even a liberal hippy minded place like that has had the life and soul sucked out of it by a slew of things, beginning with brexit. I've been out of the UK for a year and right now visiting for two weeks and I'm glad I'm not living in this country for now. But wish it gets better because it is so heartbreaking
veronicax62@reddit
That’s so sad. I love Brighton so much. (Studied abroad in London 20 years ago.)
uzibunny@reddit
It's still an amazing place. It's just the whole of the UK is in a slump right now. But Brighton will always be Brighton, not many places as special in this world
uzibunny@reddit
It's still an amazing place. It's just the whole of the UK is in a slump right now. But Brighton will always be Brighton, not many places as special in this world
No-Pea-8967@reddit
From the US too. Moved away 15 years ago. Lived in a few countries now. Never want to go back. Been back twice in the past decade for quick work trips and that was enough.
No-Tip3654@reddit
Never lived in the US. Been in western Europe most of my life. So I am curious, what exactly made you leave the states for good?
iBaires@reddit
Not OP but I'll take a stab at it
Rampant consumerism/materialistic lifestyles Work grind culture Violence, never safe even in public or schools Broken criminal justice system Police are more dangerous than helpful Overwhelmingly processed foods/drinks Insane political divide Irresponsible use of tax dollars Legal bribery of politicians Mass xenophobia/racism
It's such a shame because the US has the potential to be an incredible place. Nearly unlimited education/career opportunities, natural resources, a large population but plenty of space, beautiful scenery everywhere. I just don't care to participate in the shenanigans that have seeped into seemingly every pore of US society.
Pale_Field4584@reddit
I honestly think the country is so big, those problems can be diluted easily. I live in one of those scary red states and never experienced anything on your list.
I do want to move to another country, possibly NL since my SO is from there. I'm currently talking to my MIL and everyone agrees we have a much better life in the US compared to what we can get in NL. It's a bummer because I would like to live a romanticized version of Europe some day.
yckawtsrif@reddit
I used to believe that. But the increased impoliteness and unspoken anger have seeped their way into rural Southern culture in a pretty profound way. People are definitely more apprehensive about their neighbors, shorter with customer service staff (and vice versa), and openly and obnoxiously political (nouveau conservative) than even 20 years ago.
As a side note, as a man, the absolute worst women to date (or work with, go to school with, etc.) are Southern US women. Never had the bad luck with Californian, Australian, European, and Asian women that I've had with Southern women. Women are very judgmental and/or masculine here in the Southern states.
Once my personal reasons for being in the South are over, I'm outta here again - and outta the US again.
No-Tip3654@reddit
Netherlands ain't the best Europe has to offer in my opinion.
Try France, Spain or Italy for the classical mainland Europe experience. I'd personally go with France. Spanish is easier to learn though.
Pale_Field4584@reddit
I already know Spanish. Spain sounds good if for retirement, but not in our current situation right now.
Proper_Duty_4142@reddit
I'm from the EU living in the US and I don't see anything like that. many things are the same or worse in my home country. grass is always greener and people don't understand or care about problems of their destination country.
iBaires@reddit
It's funny that you say you don't see anything like that but then proceed to say that people don't understand or care about problems of their destination country lol. I suppose that would make sense why you don't see the problems in the US.
Proper_Duty_4142@reddit
Yeah, I may be biased😀 however, I’ve lived here for more than 15 years and I had a much more negative view of the US before coming here.
Kibblesnb1ts@reddit
To summarize in one word: culture.
I'm here in the US now but I've lived abroad plenty, and I'm headed out again in the next month or two. Every time I come back it gets harder to stomach the culture here. For me it's the work culture like you said, everyone purposefully enslave themselves with stupid enormous houses an hour commute from work where they grind too much time for too little pay, and buy two new expensive cars, and so on. Most Americans don't even have a passport and if they do it's for that one time they went to Cozumel, the Bahamas, or Toronto. Uncultured, untraveled, fat, dumb, myopic, and brainwashed into thinking we're number one, with that fucking USA chant. I'm starting to rant now, and I realize a lot of this is economic and geographic, not entirely all their fault, but still. Just a rotten culture in general, and our current events reflect that.
No-Pea-8967@reddit
Yes.
I left the US for work - job transfer. Once I moved, my eyes opened. I suppose I was very sheltered in my views. Then I saw everything that you have written about.
No country is perfect. Each has pluses and minuses. But I have moved on.
petrhys@reddit
6 years out of the US. Hate and dread returning even for a week. Mom's there so I have to go back once a year or so, but I really dislike the experience.
sovietbarbie@reddit
from the US, i hate going back. i hate flying there, i hate the food; i get really sick from it now. if i didnt have to see my family once every few years, i would never ever return
ant1010@reddit
yeah, I feel the same. not looking forward to living there for 3 years, minimum half time per year so the wife can process papers for citizenship. neither is she - just terrified if something happens to me would not have much opportunity for the baby with respect to schools so....
sovietbarbie@reddit
good luck. im looking to renounce because im an eu cotizen and just do not need the burden of being american
yckawtsrif@reddit
Sorry you're being downvoted by (presumably) reactionary, dickhead conservatives. You should live your life as you best see fit.
Tardislass@reddit
If you have children, I'd at least let them have two passports, given what is happening around the world.
sovietbarbie@reddit
no children, dont want them
No-Tip3654@reddit
Hypothetical children might be entrepteneurally inclined and we know how the EU treats entrepreneurs. Having that option, to just pack your things and move to the states could be a gift to them.
atzucach@reddit
The US is already talking about using the military in the streets to round up ppl. That place is fucked - entrepreneurship for notional children is the least concern of many people with other passports.
sovietbarbie@reddit
like literally. im sure if i had kids they’d be more pissed that they have to file taxes as adults every year
sovietbarbie@reddit
they wont exist, as i dont want them
atzucach@reddit
Same boat. Did you know they change about $2500 to renounce, and make you attend several interviews?
I thought I could tie my passport and a note to a brick and drive by the nearest consulate, but no...
sovietbarbie@reddit
yeah that would certainly be easier ! also looks like people are mad at our personal choice lol
atzucach@reddit
Lol @ downvotes 🦅🦅
Just-strangers@reddit
Just spent 5 months in asia and I got really sick (food poisoning?) after returning home. Probably from the horrible food quality here. Been super depressed since returning and trying to leave again (permanently) asap.
ultimate_zigzag@reddit
Every time I go there I feel a general tension (bordering on hatred) that seems to be boiling around everyone, like nobody can relax because everybody's out for themselves and there's always somebody who will screw you over. And a lot of people are simply ignoring it as best they can, but realistically there's no escaping it.
The national parks are great, though.
atzucach@reddit
Really curious how you this tension is evident. Any examples? (I hear this from some Americans abroad but don't really have the chance to notice it when I go there.)
ultimate_zigzag@reddit
It's hard to put it into words. I had a whole rant written out but I'll avoid that in favor of instead saying that the level of suspicion that one person has for another generally feels heightened in the US because of the amount of division, and it feels easier for an otherwise normal interaction to devolve into something hostile or dangerous, than in many other countries.
atzucach@reddit
Like a disagreement who was first in line turning quickly into shouting and insults? That sort of thing?
ultimate_zigzag@reddit
Like, one person cuts off another person during rush hour and gets a gun pulled on them, ruining both people's days and potentially maiming or killing one of them. And then everybody goes home and acts like everything is fine.
Pale_Field4584@reddit
That.. seldom happens lol
atzucach@reddit
Damn, crazy place
Tardislass@reddit
Actually, it's getting to be everywhere. China keeps having stabbings and people getting murdered.
The US is far from the only place. And when I went to Germany last year, people were unhappy. Honestly, IMO it's life in 2024.
CongruentDesigner@reddit
Seeing the same all over, America is no exception. In fact America seems the most unchanged to me, at least as an outsider. Some places in Europe the mood has definitely changed.
Pale_Field4584@reddit
How so?
No-Tip3654@reddit
When were people happy in Germany though?
Glitchedme@reddit
It's a country full of BEAUTIFUL nature, but I agree. Everyone just seems so grumpy and tense and busy trying to beat the rat race.
Glitchedme@reddit
Agreed completely. I go back every other year. Love seeing my family and friends, hate actually being there. Especially in the area my family lives. Luckily, my parents come visit me every year, and love doing so, so I feel less guilty about not going back more often. It is not "home" for me. I -am- home now.
RexManning1@reddit
Same.
kiefer-reddit@reddit
People that dislike their origin country will gravitate to a forum like this, so it’s not really an unbiased sample.
Just as a semi-contrarian opinion: I grew up in the US and moved to Europe a decade ago. I don’t mind going back and usually enjoy the experience. I also really enjoy being American and wouldn’t want to be from anywhere else - even from the country I live in. But for various personal and cultural reasons I prefer living in Europe right now. I might move back eventually, if there were a compelling reason to do so.
This, in my opinion, is a healthier way to deal with these issues. Building up resentment against your origin country doesn’t accomplish much, and it’s usually not an actually accurate view of the truth either.
veronicax62@reddit
I appreciate this comment. I’m in an American with a German visa and an apartment in Portugal (I was thinking of moving here from Germany). My parents have rapidly aged though, and I just got a job offer in the US and I’m highly considering going back. Bad timing politically but honestly, I feel like my income has been hindered by the rules of my German visa. I’m also single with friends all over the place so nothing is actually keeping me in the EU except this idea I picked up as a kid that the EU is glamorous and superior for some reason. Now that I’ve lived in Europe for so long I am seeing the benefits of the US in a whole new light.
kiefer-reddit@reddit
Yeah, don't get me wrong - I enjoy living in the EU and don't really want to move back to the US. But if a great opportunity came along, I would strongly consider it, as I don't think the US is some kind of dystopian hellscape. It's a place like any other, with upsides and downsides. If it makes sense for you to take the job, I would consider it.
Telecom_VoIP_Fan@reddit
Unfortunately, I have to answer yes to your question. I was born and grew up in the UK but left many years ago. I can hardly recognize the society I grew up in. Back in the 70's it felt so much safer.
Unable_Tumbleweed364@reddit
No, it’s made me so grateful for my country and I want to return.
liiac@reddit
Yeah you could say I dislike my home country. I hope I never have to back there. Mostly because it is run by a tyrant and I will likely be arrested if I ever go back. In almost 20 years I only visited my family twice, however they visit me regularly, which is great.
Strange-Title-6337@reddit
Same stuff, but parents hate it to so they are out. Stupid brother still there, serving to protect the regime.
TCKGlobalNomad@reddit
I'm from the U.S., and do not like going back at all.
TheRazor_sEdge@reddit
For many, going back isn't an option. The country they grew up in has been ravaged by war and there's nothing/no one to return to. If you still have this option, consider yourself fortunate.
machine-conservator@reddit
US born, now living in Germany. My hometown I would absolutely never return to if I didn't still have family there. The city I went to university and started my adult life in, I think I might vacation to occasionally even without still having a bunch of friends there, there's just a lot I like in and around it.
Sisyphuss5MinBreak@reddit
I can't relate as the country where I grew up in is my home country, but let me just say OP that your feelings are 100% valid.
It sounds like Y and your home country really provide you everything you need. X ... well, X is just X.
grapedog@reddit
As an American who has lived overseas for most of the past decade and will return soon, I'm dreading it. I'll be stuck there for a few years for work, then hopefully I'll be out again.