Would you buy a meal completely out of your price range, while out at work, to please others?

Posted by HannaaaLucie@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 251 comments

This is half a rant, half I want the opinion of others. I work as a private care assistant for a disabled man, we went out tonight to see a show and he wanted to stop somewhere for dinner. He found this restaurant, I can't remember the exact name but something like 'Kobe' or similar. I made it pretty clear from outside the restaurant that I'm happy going in if he wants to eat, but I won't be eating. They had a steak sharer main for £399.. Yes, three hundred and ninety nine pounds! Most steaks were anywhere between £25 - £80 before you add chips or whatever. Even their bread was £6.. for fucking bread! Either way, he wasn't happy that I wasn't eating. I don't even like steak that much to begin with, without taking a mortgage out for it. He seemed annoyed with me for the remainder of the night. Would you buy something completely out of your price range to keep your client/boss/coworkers happy?

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MesoamericanMorrigan@reddit

I’m disabled and only get to go out to something like a show maybe once a year because I never have anyone to go with me, I’d be grateful someone simply accompanied, not trying to make them spend stupid amounts of money on a shared meal. And I’m not going to kid myself trying to impress anyone like I routinely spend that money on steak. Did he just want to spread the cost?

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ShualShali@reddit

I had a nosy through your profile - your outfits are so cute!

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MesoamericanMorrigan@reddit

Thank you I recently met someone new who actually wants to go places and isn’t ashamed of me (my ex once abandoned me in a wheelchair at the hospital to go say hi to his friends without it looking like we were together). I feel like im making up for lost time atm and have a massive list of things I want to do, but I understand if I want it I’ve got to make it happen financially/logistically even if the person helping me is a partner. I paid for that yacht hotel and horse show tickets because I wanted that experience badly all year and was just grateful to have someone come with me so I was able to go at all Still frustrated beyond belief at disabled assistance and step free access on public transport, and I get paranoid about my ex stalking my posts again (he would passive aggressively drop things I’d said into conversation to let me know he was reading all my posts) so have been scared to post pictures of myself (and actively trying to not feel creeped out by the prospect of someone going through my post history) for years but it’s nice having a life of my own now instead of just being stuck at home paying all the bills for someone who has enough contempt for me to tell me to my face that I’m ‘too disabled’

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Wide_Arachnid2947@reddit

No way would I be spending that much on a meal to keep someone company/look after them! You totally did the right thing

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AgingLolita@reddit

He's taking the piss, he knows what he pays you.

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Ok_Equipment7286@reddit

Were you expected to buy your dinner with your own money or was he paying?

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PerformerOk450@reddit

Care assistants where we live are not well paid enough to be spending £399 on a meal for 2

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

Definitely not.. I make about £350 a week, I can't even buy that meal with a weeks worth of wages!

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Shoddy-Minute5960@reddit

Does he even know how much you make? Telling you can't spend what you earn in a week on one meal might make him realise that if he wants you to join him then he's buying.

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PerformerOk450@reddit

My wife is a carer, and she takes her service user to the local pub on a Friday for a lunchtime curry. She has to pay for her own food and complains about spending £10.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

She definitely doesn't want my client then.. there are the odd times that he has a simple McDonalds or Burger King.. but usually it's some posh restaurant or gastro pub. He went somewhere the other week banging on about the fish and chips.. got there and they were £24! I said no chance.

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dinkidoo7693@reddit

You definitely need to get this client or your employer paying expenses if that’s what he’s doing. Either that or change clients to someone who is a bit more understanding that carers don’t get paid enough to be eating at these types of places regularly.

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rositree@reddit

Regardless of how much you're getting paid - I go to work to earn money to spend how I want. Everyone has a budget and their own expenses and circumstances that are nothing to do with the employer or service user. There should be no expectation of me having to spend my money on anything of someone else's choosing after it's been paid to me.

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PerformerOk450@reddit

That sounds like some gourmet fish n chips lol

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

It wasn't even like a whale.. I was at least expecting a whale and half a bag of potatoes.

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handsume@reddit

Dad has two care workers. They switch shifts so that he has someone with him 24/7.. so not cheap but whenever we go out with my dad and one of the men we always pay for their dinner, no matter what. We also provide breakfast, lunch, dinner.. they eat what we eat basically. But when we first started people were giving us all kinds of "advice".. saying we didn't actually have to provide food for them, etc.. all "is it in the contract that you need to provide food for them?" ..it was actually pretty frustrating and shocking.

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Oceansoul119@reddit

Fuck me was that out of a festival van or something? Actually no even a trader at a festival in Cambridge paying £800 for a site is less than that, though not by much (battered sausage was £4). At my favoured chippy it's about £16 for 2x battered sausage, cod, and large chips. That feeds two people with spare chips for the birds to have in the morning.

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Friendly-Sherbet9270@reddit

If you with him as a care provider specifically to assist him on a night out then he should pay your expenses. I am assuming he paid for your ticket for the show and your travel expenses. Not sure why he excluded dinner? Unless you said you just weren't hungry or didn't want dinner

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ITFarm_@reddit

Absolutely not, and I would be brutally honest about it. I wouldn’t do that normally, there’s not a fucking chance I would be forced to do and pay for it whilst still actually working/on the clock as a carer too.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

That's what I thought, I wouldn't eat there even on my birthday with my partner at those prices, let alone at work.

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ITFarm_@reddit

Exactly, but I could be the richest man alive and I’d still go for the dirtiest questionable kebab with mystery meat

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Pink-socks@reddit

Mystery meat with chilli sauce, to hide the mystery meat taste from your tongue. Fun fact about kebab meat - it's about 80% fat. The mystery meat makes up the other 20%. Why is it so delicious?? Wonderful, delicious cardboard ...

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rositree@reddit

Not the wonderful, delicious fat?

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Melodic-Document-112@reddit

Fun fact ey?

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Fun_Championship_642@reddit

How anyone can justify paying 400 quid for a few slices of steak is beyond me. Even if i had that kind of money on hand to just throw away id never pay that much for a single meal.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

Presumably if accompanying this client to dinner is part of your job description, then you should be provided expenses by your employer to compensate this? This seems like something you would need to clarify. It should be obvious to anyone with half a brain that a care worker is not going to be paid enough to make a £400 steak a reasonable expense.

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LochNessMother@reddit

Ha! A lot of care workers don’t even get paid travel to get between jobs or for the time it takes them to get there, you think they’re going to give them expenses? I don’t think you have any idea how care agencies work, or how they treat their staff (or clients for that matter)

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rositree@reddit

The law changed around paid travel time quite a few years ago (just after I'd had enough and started working privately). Is it still being skirted around and avoided by some companies?

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VirtualMatter2@reddit

Well, either expenses are paid or it's a free choice. Can't be neither.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

If the employer isn't going to cover any expenses, then it's reasonable for OP to say that they won't partake in any cost-incurring activities with the client and for that to be clearly communicated to the client, ideally by the employer. It's not reasonable to create a tacit expectation to incur these costs themselves, especially if it is the client who is choosing the place, especially when this would likely put the employee below minimum wage.

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blind_disparity@reddit

Yes, clearly the client is being thoughtless and rude. That's all this is.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

This makes me suspect that expectations with the client were not communicated properly at some point. It sounds like OPs job is to help old/disabled people access leisure activities, and since leisure activities often involve food etc, then it is obvious that situations like this will come up.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

We get into shows/events for free with him, but anything like food/drink we have to pay for ourselves if we wish to eat/drink. I think its fairly obvious that I do not make enough for £400 steak.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

You need to raise this with whoever is employing you to do this. If you are expected to take clients for dinner and are not compensated for this, then I'd be surprised if this wasn't violating employment legislation in some way.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

I'd assume they'd just say 'don't eat there then', which I'm absolutely fine with.. just my client didn't seem fine with it.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

You need to raise this with them, especially if the client expects to choose the place to eat. Either the client needs to understand that they need to pay for your meal, or the employer needs to agree to pay for your meal (and there would likely be a limit *way* below £400), or you need to be able to refuse to go to restaurants with him, or I guess everyone needs to be ok with a situation where he eats but you sit there awkwardly the entire time. Any remotely professional company will compensate you for any expense that you incurred as a part of performing your job duties.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

I'll try bringing it up at my next supervision. If he would just be okay with me not eating it would avoid this whole situation.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

I'd bring it up ASAP. Since you are a care worker, I assume you're not getting paid much more than minimum wage, so if you are then expected to buy food on top of that, then that probably puts your pay below the legal limit.

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Etheria_system@reddit

There are no expenses for carers built into our care packages. We can’t even claim expenses for eg accommodation and transport if we need to take our carers on a night away. Anything like a fancy meal out can’t be paid for by the person receiving care because it goes against gifting clauses in the contract, but there is zero space for it to be claimed because there are no expenses attached to our contracts. It’s not the choice of the person receiving care, or of the care agency - it’s the councils or the NHS who provide our funding.

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rositree@reddit

That's not strictly true. Care packages are all different, local authorities assessing them are all different. Not everyone using carers is funded (if OP's service user is paying for expensive meals, there's a fair chance they have their own savings and are self-funding). I've worked for people with 24/7 care packages and they all received an additional small amount per week towards the expense of having a second person in their home the whole time. One of them used it to provide all meals for us and we would cook the same thing and eat together, another made us bring our own food and saved up that money all year to put towards carer's expenses when he went on holiday and we would have to eat out. Admittedly, this is more common in people funded by social care than healthcare and many local authorities are trying to cut these packages as much as possible. I've

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

At a minimum you can claim taxes back on those expenses. What is expected to happen if a cost (transport/accommodation) is incurred that the care worker simply can't afford to pay?

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Etheria_system@reddit

The carer doesn’t pay it. The person receiving care does. And a lot of the time that means we just don’t have nights away because we can’t afford to pay for ourselves and our carers (we will normally need to pay for two carers minimum to cover the working hours). It’s a cruel and unjust system.

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MesoamericanMorrigan@reddit

I’ve had 2 nights away since Christmas 2021. Ex decided he didn’t get paid enough to come even if I paid for food and accommodation

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Etheria_system@reddit

I haven’t been away from my home since the start of 2020, and have only left my house via stretcher for hospital appointments since then too so I very much get it.

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MesoamericanMorrigan@reddit

Geez I’m sorry it is maddening.. The longest I did not going out was about 4 years. I also spent lockdown in homeless hostels where you weren’t allowed to mix with anyone inside as well as go out. Was like prison. I got so desperate those 2 nights away were actually with the woman my ex tried to cheat on me with at a concert when I was busy getting a neck MRI 🤦‍♀️And it was a bloody nightmare with bags and mobility aids, her being pregnant and no train station staff turning up to help despite pre booking assistance. I am coming home in an ambulance as I type this, most eventful thing I’ve done all week.And it sucks trying to make friends then always being the one who can’t go anywhere if they make plans Public transport could really be more accessible for disabled people. And they transport companies could also be more accountable when lifts aren’t working, ramps aren’t available etc.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

Right, but if the person receiving care is expected to pay these expenses then presumably that would include meals in some contexts and it would be up to the care receiver to decide what sort of budget they are comfortable covering?

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Etheria_system@reddit

No, it’s normally up to our contracts with the care agency what amount of money counts as a gift. This is to protect carers and carer receivers from abuse. In this case, the carer receiver is just a bit of a twat. He should have provided alternative arrangements for his carer to be able to eat separately with a meal they (the carer) have provided for themselves - you don’t get your dinners provided by work, nor do carers. It’s not the same as going away with an office for the night and having your expenses provided. These are jobs where you are always going to be out of the house, often at unsociable hours. You can eat prior to your shift, or during your allocated break time. The carer receiver is a twat for making the carer feel bad about not eating, and they should definitely report that so that the care coordinator can clarify with the care receiver that this is not appropriate.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

It sounds like whoever employed OP messed up by not making sure expectations were set very clearly to all parties (otherwise they wouldn't have had to ask this question), since this seems like a very common issue that would arise in this sort of work.

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Etheria_system@reddit

Yup - it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they’ve been given minimal training and input. Social care is an absolute mess in the UK at the moment and care agencies do the bare minimum whilst taking decent profits. The number of carers I’ve had who have done horrific things to me that you would expect would be day one training not to do is almost into double figures, so it would fit that the number of carers out there who are just not aware of basic information like “you can eat before work or choose to eat your meal out but there is never an obligation to eat with your client if it’s expensive” is probably high

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pancreaticallybroke@reddit

My local council takes 100% of your disposable income to pay for your care. At that point, I had to stop getting care. Now I shower once a week when a friend can come help me and get lifts from various family and friends to appointments etc. I'd rather struggle tremendously than not be able to buy my nephew a birthday present or my mum a Christmas present. I'd rather be able to treat myself to a Lego set a couple of times a year or a trip out to see a show or a new book. The biggest issue though was that I have pets and I couldn't afford care and feeding my pets. But I'm disabled so how fucking dare I want or have normal, everyday items or pets.

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Etheria_system@reddit

I’m so sorry. It’s so incredibly cruel. I’m fortunately enough to qualify for NHS continuing care, but even with that I can’t find carers to cover the 100 hours I’m supposed to have a week so spend most of my time struggling. I can’t imagine being like OP’s client. How lucky they are to have carers and enough income for a £400 dinner.

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Lessarocks@reddit

My friend worked in a care home for adults with learning disabilities. They regularly took the residents on day trips and holidays and on every occasion, the hotels and food and drinks for staff (not alcohol obv) were paid for by the residents. They’re only allowed to have so many thousands in savings when they’re on benefits so the care home manager would alert them when they were close to the limit and then it was holiday time.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

Thankfully as we're private we're on a little more than minimum, but definitely not enough to fork out for £400 steak.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

But probably not much more. Here is some information that might be helpful to you. https://www.acas.org.uk/expenses

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EdmundTheInsulter@reddit

I don't think you have to be on a low wage before you don't want to pay £400 for a steak. I'm not sure if someone paid £4000pw would want to just spend it.

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derelictnomad@reddit

Paying that much due steak is about being flashy. I could, but I won't lol

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newfor2023@reddit

Also on someone else's choice of restaurant and eating time. If I'm paying £400 for a steak it'll be in amongst the 1/10th of a cow I bought. Then I'll wonder why the price went up £50.

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Simple-Courage-3948@reddit

Yes, but even if it was a £10 steak the same issue would exist. If accompanying clients for meals is part of OPs job description then the company should have a policy for that, ideally spelled out in writing. If OP is being put into a situation by a client where they feel pressured into spending their own money on something for the sake of doing their job properly then something isn't right at all, and it probably violates employment rights. This would be different if OP owned their own business and was trying to impress a new client or something, but in that case it would be priced into their business plan and they would be charging their clients accordingly high fees.

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Ayyyyylmaos@reddit

Stop being so non-confrontational. You should not be expected to take people to meals as part of your job description without eating.

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comeseemeshop@reddit

Disabled people need to eat and he needs assistance with going out for meals.

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Ayyyyylmaos@reddit

Mate, I’m not saying they shouldn’t be expected to take people to meals. I completely agree. But I can’t believe there’s no subsistence allowance that OP isn’t being made aware of.

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MiddleAgeCool@reddit

Don't wait. Potentially between now and when you have your next supervision he may get to speak to your company, maybe as a care review and mention you went out and didn't eat etc. Make sure it's documented sooner rather than later as it makes it your managers problem.

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Nine_Eye_Ron@reddit

No, the client isn’t happy, this isn’t about you not eating.

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gardeningmedic@reddit

lol, welcome to the care sector! I don’t know anyone who works in healthcare or care that gets food expenses even if part of work.

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Mustbejoking_13@reddit

Reasonable expenses, probably 25 quid. This is way over that.

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cdh79@reddit

Then the client should cover the cost of your food.

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Novel_Individual_143@reddit

You also need to raise that part with them

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grumpybadger456@reddit

Just to give a different perspective (from many saying the client should pay etc). In my country (Aus) with the rise of support worker funding there has been a lot of exploitation of vulnerable people with support workers getting the clients to buy them meals (and in some cases other things as well), and there hasn't been much oversight of this as many are independent contractors here. Not saying you are exploiting at all! (It's just my opinion that the client should not pay). Like any other job, you shouldn't have to purchase any food or drink that you don't want to - you should be free to bring a packed lunch. It may feel awkward but in the end your client needs to accept that you aren't there as a friend, you are there as a support, and it's fine for you to not purchase a meal. It sounds like you need to reset the expectations around your role. Depending on if it is appropriate (are you primarily transport?, or are you required to stay with the client constantly) - whether it is possible to provide alternative options around meals - i.e. them eating alone, organising to meet a friend etc. In the end - No, don't spend your money just to keep him happy.

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cateml@reddit

Which is weird? I obviously don’t know the ins and outs of your clients needs, but if he doesn’t have any cognitive barrier to this - it seems very oblivious of someone who employs support workers to not be aware that support workers earn very little? It just seems so obvious to anyone here that of course a support worker (or in fact the majority of people) can’t afford to casually drop £80 on one meal. It seems strange that your client would not understand this?

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Jebble@reddit

Stop assuming and start talking.

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Shifty377@reddit

>If you are expected to take clients for dinner That's obviously not the expectation for a care worker though. Accommodating their clients wish to visit a restaurant doesn't equal taking them to dinner.

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olivercroke@reddit

It's not a necessity to eat to accompany someone in a restaurant. Do you really think a business proving care is going to pay more in expenses than they do in salary for restaurant dining? If they did, it would just be the client paying it ultimately wouldn't it?

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randomdude2029@reddit

Really the client should be paying for food, *especially* if they're going to be salty about eating while the carer watches, slowly sipping their glass of tap water. If he can afford that restaurant he can certainly spring for OP's meal even if he puts a limit on it (eg, not the £399 steak or the £500 lobster). Maybe the chicken, or a nice main salad?

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olivercroke@reddit

Client should definitely not be getting salty about the carer not eating. But the carer is a carer, not an escort. They're there to facilitate a disabled person living as normal a life as feasibly possible. Client shouldn't be forced to pay for their food if they want to go to a nice restaurant.

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jusfukoff@reddit

Employment legislation! Hahahah. Welcome to care work in the uk. Where you get treated like shit and if you dare complain or ask why you don’t get fed and don’t get meal breaks, then you lose your job.

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molluscstar@reddit

Yes my first job was as a support worker on a ward. If I took patients out on leave and they wanted to go for food I’d be given a certain amount to get something for myself. Not loads (certainly not enough for steak!) but at least I didn’t have to sit and watch the patient eat which would be awkward for both of us.

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rositree@reddit

That's because the venue is giving a free carer's ticket to the disabled person - nothing to do with your employer, whether that's the guy himself or you work for an agency. Is he generally a reasonable man and this is a weird one-off or does he often not have much of an idea about costs etc? If he has a learning disability or brain injury, for example, could this be a safeguarding issue before he gets himself in financial difficulty? Maybe he's just loaded and can't fathom how the rest of us live. Assuming he has capacity to understand, a conversation needs to be had with him and any other carers working with him to ensure you're all on the same page detailing that there is no expectation for staff to spend their own money whilst on shift. If his activity is forcing you to be out all day then you can expect him to fund one hot meal for you but if this is just an evening shift then care package-wise he wouldn't receive funding for that (and definitely not for £200 of steak, in social care this used to be £37 a week for people with 24hr care and enabling goals around getting out in those kind of environments) and you'd be expected to eat a hot meal earlier in the day and take a packed lunch. Practically, that's not always easy - can't imagine Kobe would be happy with you cracking out a sandwich - and a good service user would let you know the plan, timescales etc so you can manage your hunger levels without impacting on their needs and what you're there for. There's a lot of nuance depending on how you're employed, his needs and care package (if he has one) and the shift patterns, but it's definitely not OK to even be asked to spend your own money whilst at work.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

He often eats in expensive places (although not normally as expensive as Kobe). He has no mental impairment, his disability is purely physical. My shift is meant to be 12 hours, but because he wanted to go to this show it made my shift 15 hours, we were out of the house from 12 noon till midnight so it wasn't like I could eat my dinner at breakfast time and be set for the day.

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rositree@reddit

Then he should be paying for your meal if you have no other means of preparing it through the day. Or you use a kitchen at his home to prepare your own dinner before going out if possible on other days and eat it during your break time. Though a 15-hour shift, 12 hours out of the house, doesn't sound like you're getting appropriate breaks either. You need to have a conversation with your employer, whether that's a company or him directly, and clarify expectations and legal minimums.

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stoodincrap@reddit

Having worked at the office of a care company, if the client specifically wants you to eat that client would be picking up the bill. You should never be paying for a meal that you didn’t want

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Opening_Succotash_95@reddit

Yes, I work in the same sector and have been a team leader in the past. Expenses like this are covered by the person getting the support or their family, and if they aren't then you just don't have anything. OP, I'm not sure if you work for a provider or if you're self employed, if the latter speak to a team leader for clarity on this, they might have to tell the gentleman not to do this in future unless he's offering to pay.

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stoodincrap@reddit

Ah I missed that, great point!

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VarplunkLabs@reddit

Yes but you obviously wouldn't be buying the £400 steak so I'm not sure why you are focusing so much on that one? It sounds like you could have got a meal for £35, the fact that there are £400 steaks on the menu doesn't mean you have to buy one!

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Clareboclo@reddit

My take home pay for a 12 hour shift with the NHS is around £110, so the op is probably around the same. Spending a third of their wages for that shift just to keep the other person happy and eat with them should not be expected. If the other person wanted to share the experience, then they should pay. If they're buying a £400 steak, they can probably afford to treat the person who's looking after them.

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VarplunkLabs@reddit

I'm not saying the OP is under any obligation at all to buy a meal. I'm just replying to the fact they keep on about not being able to afford a £400 meal when in reality they could have just got a £35 meal. They are making the situation sound worse than it is by making out the only option was a £400 meal or nothing.

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earl-sleek@reddit

Restaurants that serve £400 meals rarely provide cheap options. Even a starter would be a lot of money for a carer.

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krazykraz01@reddit

I would not spend more than £5 on a meal that I have to buy as part of my working arrangements unless I could claim it on expenses. Even £25 on a meal you're forced into as part of your job is ludicrous if you're in an average wage.

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8racoonsInABigCoat@reddit

LMAO, I have a good job AND I like steak, and I’m still not paying £400 for one. On an only loosely related topic, I wonder if he’s annoyed by losing the winter fuel allowance…

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pysgod-wibbly_wobbly@reddit

Honestly I would look for another job, that's not how it is supposed to work.

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Soggy_Cabbage@reddit

Exactly, if my boss invited me out for a meal I would assume they were paying for it.

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n3ver3nder88@reddit

Accompanying the client to dinner *won't* be part of the job description. Providing the support so that the client is able to go for dinner will be; getting there, supporting the transaction, meeting any other needs like meds, continence etc through the trip as required. Carers aren't rent-a-mate, so OP shouldn't be under any obligation to eat *with* the client.

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sobrique@reddit

Yeah this. If it's expenses incurred in the line of employment, then it's on expenses. I'll maybe accept the difference between the kind of budget I'd normally allocate for 'food'

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ldn-ldn@reddit

£25 is very cheap for a steak... I haven't seen such low prices for a while.

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rinkydinkmink@reddit

Yeah that's less than what the pub down the road charges for steak and chips, and this isn't london, it's the back of beyond. I think there's a lot of people in this thread getting hung up on the £399 sharing platter ... that they didn't order anyway? But anyway it would have been polite for the client to offer to pay for something for the carer, at least, and it is obviously awkward to sit there with nothing ... I'd probably have got a soft drink of some sort or a coffee. OP made the choice not to have anything at all though, and that's their prerogative. The client probably feels a bit weird about it now and may decide to do things differently next time.

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InternationalBad2339@reddit

If he was that arsed about it he could have paid for your dinner.

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KattPurrsen@reddit

I mean if I could afford a meal that was a tenner I might stretch to £12 but that’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s astoundingly rude to do something like that, however you look at it.

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Abquine@reddit

No you don't have to squander your hard earned cash and how they had the cheek to be annoyed is just mind blowing. Any decent person would have understood and ordered you something to eat while they ate, it's just common courtesy.

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GloomySwitch6297@reddit

no. Unless he would be paying me £1200 for few hours to please him :D But I am not an escort so "sorry Winnetou, not tonight"

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Logical_Tank4292@reddit

Lol - no.

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bluiska2@reddit

No one upvote or downvote! It's 911 currently! :D

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jm_19@reddit

I downvoted to try and restore balance to the universe

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NYX_T_RYX@reddit

Thank you, Thanks.

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gooly_man@reddit

I just upped it to 999

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Pedantichrist@reddit

He was clearly happy to buy you lunch.

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Anxious-Molasses9456@reddit

> KOBE SIGNATURE SAMPLER 600G Kobe Fillet A5+, Japanese Wagyu Sirloin A5+ and Japanese Wagyu Rump A5 £399.50 I know the place, it also got a 1 star hygiene rating

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

That's the one! It was Kobe then, I remembered correctly. I remember saying something like "£399 are you joking? I'd want to feed the whole village with that for a week" and he made some comment about me not being stupid.

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Potential_Maybe_1890@reddit

The issue then is you were rude about choices when he was trying to have a treat

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Prize-Offer7348@reddit

Is this the one in MK? I went a while back & it wasn’t even nice. It was overpriced & mediocre at best. My steak wasn’t cooked in the middle, literally stone cold & raw. I don’t get all the people on the indie food FB page saying it’s one of the best places to go for dinner, unfortunately they don’t let you post about an experience if it’s not positive but that’s another rant in itself.

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sideone@reddit

> unfortunately they don’t let you post about an experience if it’s not positive but that’s another rant in itself Google does

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Pink-socks@reddit

Next time, take them out for a happy meal. And keep the toy.

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Livid_Painting2285@reddit

It ain't even in the Michelin guide, it needs to get out with those prices

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Both-Ad-2570@reddit

It's in Milton Keynes for fuck sake. Even the Michelin man fears to tread

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ITFarm_@reddit

Sorry about that. The poor hygiene rating was from me shitting myself whilst looking at the prices.

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

I may have added to that poor hygiene rating.. not sure if it was at the £399 steak of the extra £70 for gold leaf.

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newfor2023@reddit

It would have been cheaper to buy a 10 pack of gold leaf and sit there eating it than the bread.

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MesoamericanMorrigan@reddit

Flashbacks of my mother meticulously gilding stuff in the living room at night and being told to not touch anything (interior designer)

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dottymouse@reddit

Aw shit we went as a special treat a year or so ago and really enjoyed it. Been wanting to go back next time we had an occasion worth splurging on but I guess not.

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Lay-Z24@reddit

i find it incredibly weird and rude for someone to choose an expensive restaurant to go to dinner with someone else, and when they say they can’t afford it, get pissy and eat alone instead of offering to pay

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Sensitive_Ad_9195@reddit

When you say “they had a steak sharer main” - were you clear before he ordered that you didn’t want to share his steak sharer with him? He’s obviously at best unthinking that this is something you’d want to go Dutch on given the price, but I’m wondering if he’d made an assumption? I’m also wondering, given it’s a theatre evening then fancy steak dinner - is there any chance he might think in his mind that this is a ‘date’ scenario?

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SpaTowner@reddit

I read ‘they had a steak sharer main’ as meaning the restaurant had that on its menu, rather than her client ordered it

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Sensitive_Ad_9195@reddit

Oh that makes a lot of sense - good idea

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United_Bug_9805@reddit

No. No problem at all. Not in the slightest bit bothered if anyone else is unhappy with that. No way.

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nyecamden@reddit

As someone who pays for a carer, this is such a weird thing to do! I could understand wanting to be assisted to eat out at a fancy restaurant on a date or with friends; or to eat at a mid-range restaurant and treat my carer to something. Wild expectations.

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Plantain-Feeling@reddit

Nope Expensive food is a waste of money, If my food costs more than £20 it's too much

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KinManana@reddit

More carers need to join a union and understand their rights

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thesavagekitti@reddit

That is completely unreasonable to expect you to buy such an expensive meal. I would find it very hard to stop myself saying 'I don't get paid enough to afford that, and I don't get expenses'. I advise you to inform your manager/employer/supervisor in writing, perhaps an email, so that it is documented in case he complains about it.

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toady89@reddit

I expect he doesn’t understand what your financial situation looks like. With my boss / coworkers or even our client we could make an educated guess at what would be affordable for everyone, worst case you might end up somewhere 50% more than you’d normally spend on a meal not 4x and upwards. Also if I’m having dinner with the client it’s going on expenses. With our current client their dinner budget is £20 more than ours and I wouldn’t hold back from reminding them of that just for the sake of fitting in, though our company‘s budget is comically small and overdue a review.

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AppearanceMaximum454@reddit

400 quid is twice my monthly food budget. I can’t afford to put the heating on and work full time in adult social care. I never eat out and always cook at home. I just figure that going to restaurants is an elitist thing. Working hard to get a promotion but all that would mean is that I can maybe take a holiday once a year and put the heating on. There’s no way on the next pay bracket I could justify getting a takeaway or go to a restaurant either.

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bibonacci2@reddit

Sounds like he was being a dick. A so called ‘power move’ from a small man with a few quid in his pocket. Unless he made it clear it was his treat you had no idea obligation and he had no right to force you to spend there. You did the night thing.

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Pizzagoessplat@reddit

Er, no

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antimatterchopstix@reddit

If they push it point out it’s your months salary, and they are your employer.

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BackgroundGate3@reddit

No. If a client took me to an expensive restaurant, I'd expect them to pay for my meal. Are you employed direct or through an agency? I'm not making excuses for him, but if he's paying an agency, he maybe doesn't realise how little you earn.

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Mundo7@reddit

I think this needs to be taken into account, they’re likely paying a shit ton to the care agency and not realising how little you get of that

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Common_Lime_6167@reddit

Yeah it could be in the region of £1000 a week, and if the guy has limited contact with anyone else at the agency then he might think OP get almost all of that.

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Soggy_Cabbage@reddit

Absolutely not, if someone insists that I accompany them to a fancy resturaunt they best be footing the bill.

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eilb3@reddit

No, most carers should have it paid for. My cousin does as part of her contract

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Commercial_Parsley45@reddit

This motherfucker was absolutely expecting you to split a £500+ bill, and got salty when it became obvious that you weren't about to play ball

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Farsydi@reddit

Just checking that this chap has enough capacity regarding his finances to choose to spaff that much money on dinner?

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maceion@reddit

No. I would never consider any item out of my budget range for any reason whatsoever.

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ClarifyingMe@reddit

No I would not. Entitled git he is.

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simonecart@reddit

Why is he "entitled". The OP said he "seemed annoyed". Since when does that mean he is entitled? Perhaps his piles were itching? Perhaps a friend's dog had just died. Do you even know what entitled means or is it just the latest buzz-word you have latched on to. Just FYI, here is the definition of entitled: "believing [oneself](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=2c636b0d29aca8be&sxsrf=ADLYWIItkPyOKfKcEYYOnv664wGSZFitvw:1731500131685&q=oneself&si=ACC90nypsxZVz3WGK63NbnSPlfCBi00NE5lxMC0BCfcNWLlb7y0RtK-nTOaqw1cT8UN-3YbwaWP8WJ22vZ1PeO5m87ZqGiNd6g%3D%3D&expnd=1&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwjH_ZvSpNmJAxWvXUEAHZoyMe0QyecJegQIQhAO) to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment"

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ClarifyingMe@reddit

Are you this guy? You're entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to mine. He is entitled to her time while she's performing her caring duties but not to dictating what she eats. This comment is entitled, 'I don't care, he's a git.'

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simonecart@reddit

Why presume the OP is a she? Where did he dictate what he/she eats? It appears the OP has an impression of some feelings their client MAY have had but nothing specific. You have doubled-down on not knowing what entitled means.

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goingotherwhere@reddit

OP's username is HannaaaLucie. 84% of care workers in the UK are female. Unlikely to be a man.

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saladinzero@reddit

> Where did he dictate what he/she eats? Op says they didn't want to go to eat in the restaurant but were forced in anyway by the client's decision to ignore that and eat there anyway. Presumably it was a mealtime, so op would also be ready for dinner. They dictated that op either ate there in that restaurant or didn't eat at all.

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simonecart@reddit

The OP couldn't be clearer, they weren't forced to eat anything. Sure, they were (probably, we don't know) obligated to accompany the diner but were happy to do so. "I'm happy going in if he wants to eat, but I won't be eating" The OP states some impressions they had about their employers mood. No quotes so they are just impressions. I guess correct analysis of text is not something you're very good at.

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saladinzero@reddit

The irony of you trying to throw that at someone else 😂😂😂

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ClarifyingMe@reddit

Female supremacy!!!!! \*yells like Xena the Princess Warrior, tongues my sidekick\* [https://youtu.be/Zt5qJC1xQ8A](https://youtu.be/Zt5qJC1xQ8A)

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Adam_Da_Egret@reddit

I’d happily eat it but I ain’t paying for it

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Intruder313@reddit

No and how would it please others watching me rage about the prices :)

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Leader_Bee@reddit

I work as admin for a bunch of doctors, they're arranging a Christmas meal out at a place that would be reasonable prices if I was on their kind of wage; I politely declined.

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Swimming_Possible_68@reddit

Unless I could claim it back from work - absolutely not! Pretty sure if you had ordered something then working would have cost you money wouldn't it?

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Imaginary_Bird538@reddit

When I was a care worker, the customer would pay for our meals if they wanted someone to eat with them. Otherwise I’d just buy myself a drink and keep them company. I understand that sitting and eating while someone just watches you can make you feel like an exhibit, and they just want a normal night out. But you are ultimately there to do your job, and any additional expenses beyond what you’d spend that day anyway would therefore be work expenses and should’ve covered by your employer. If it was something cheap like popping into a cafe which I would do anyway, I would pay. One customer even flew my colleague to Canada for a week all expenses paid, as she needed support while travelling to see her sister.

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Hatanta@reddit

When I was a carer, the service users worked with didn't have capacity to consent to paying for carers' meals (fair enough), so I just used to sit there and fend off inquiries from waiting staff. And then try and get the service user to let me sit down on a park bench for 5 minutes afterwards to eat my sandwiches. Also the same service users often used to eat food me and other carers had brought in for our shift. I do not miss care work at all, my hat goes off to anyone who does it.

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N00tN00tMummyFlipper@reddit

maybe he wanted to treat you.

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JLB_cleanshirt@reddit

He is taking the piss. He is basically using you as a dinner date and expecting you to pay. Thanks but no thanks. My ex used to work as a carer and would occasionally take clients out when they requested, but the client would generally foot the bill for wherever they were going.

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Ruadhan2300@reddit

I've never gone for a meal with coworkers where my boss didn't expense it as a work-outing. I'm not concerned about people-pleasing, and would either order something relatively sensibly priced, or opt not to go. Sitting and not eating for a whole meal is.. kinda weird. Him insisting on doing it anyway when you made it clear you wouldn't be eating if you went there is double-weird. Normal behaviour would be to say "Ah, okay, maybe I'll go another time" and suggesting somewhere more affordable. Or.. given it was his choice, and he can apparently afford to drop silly-money on a meal, he could offer to pay for your meal as well.

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TeHNeutral@reddit

£400? No way. A bit more than I'd usually spend in a nice cafe or something? Yes.

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VirtualMatter2@reddit

He can offer to pay for you. After all if it's a business dinner and you go out to build a client relationship for example, the company pays that for you as expenses. He cannot and should not expect you to have any additional costs during your job that weren't discussed at the point if making the contract. So he's completely in the wrong here.

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sock_cooker@reddit

I'd order something modest and expect them to pay for it

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RobertTheSpruce@reddit

I work part time as a PA for young people with autism. It's in my contract that if they are taking me somewhere, they pay all expenses. They want me to eat? They buy it. If I'm paying, it goes on the expenses form and I get it back from their mum at the end of the month.

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Exciting_Dimension93@reddit

Hi there! I am a disabled woman with carers. When I go out with my carers, I usually offer to pay for drinks and snacks for them. If we go to the cinema, they get in free, but I also offer to buy them a drink and some popcorn, same if I go out for something to eat. Nobody makes me do it, but I appreciate my carers plus, it feels weird eating and them not. Likewise if we’re out for a few hours, such as yesterday I had a hospital appointment followed by blood tests, I offered to buy them a sandwich etc. your service user seems to me to be quite selfish, it’s totally unreasonable to expect a carer who isn’t on a high wage to to spend silly money on things like that. To them it’s their time having a special trip out, going to a restaurant of their choice, for you, it’s work. You can enjoy it, but it’s not your choice in what you do. If they don’t like you not eating when with them, they could always offer to foot the bill.

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Throwaway52753@reddit

No. If my colleagues are going to a restaurant I call them a bunch of dickheads and I go home.

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theonlybandever13@reddit

My biggest question here is; you work in private industry but have to pay yourself for meals out with clients etc? That’s absurd.

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Artistic_Data9398@reddit

How can you work with people who can afford that but you can't lol Can you claim it back from work? obviously its stupid price. I wouldn't even go in. I'd never enter a restaurant and not eat. That's just weird lol

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Jonny_rhodes@reddit

Hahah no If he’s not happy you aren’t eating he could offer to get you something Clearly he can afford it

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Important-Constant25@reddit

If he's so bothered he can pay for you.

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sritanona@reddit

Absolutely not. If you’re his carer he should either tolerate that you’re not eating or pay for your meal.

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Jolly_Constant_4913@reddit

Couple of quid maybe. Now you've been in this situation, in future I would advise getting a cheap meal deal and taking it in

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SwooshSwooshJedi@reddit

No. If he's unhappy he should pay for your food.

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CigarSmoker2000@reddit

I wouldn’t pay for any meal that was required for work meetings/events (in your situation, caring for the guy) etc - regardless of whether it looked good or not. One of my previous employers used to organise a Christmas do, but we had to foot the bill! Needless to say we all made our separate arrangements.

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hez9123@reddit

This is an absurd power move- or, your man has no idea of money, how much you have and earn and how expensive this place is. I earn a lot and hate paying a premium for steak when I can cook it perfectly myself at home and pick up a cote de boeuf for £25. He should have paid for you and made that very clear.

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Sixforsilver7for@reddit

I think it's stupid to not assume OP couldn't afford it but they mentioned they work for a private company so there may be a disconnect in the clients mind between how much he pays for the service and how much of that actually makes it in to OPs pay.

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hez9123@reddit

Indeed, agreed! I must admit, if I won a lotto sized fortune, I still would feel wrong paying that much for a steak! I won a legal case a few years ago and went out for dinner with the lawyers, a barrister and a QC to celebrate and even then could not stand to pay (not quite as much) for my meal, even though the lawyers picked up the tab (out of my fees…!). So, I just can’t imagine paying that out my pocket after tax. :/

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Beanotown@reddit

Sounds like the steaks were too high.

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Ok-Morning-6911@reddit

It all depends on my financial situation and how much money I have. 399? Hell no. I probably would have gone for a 25 quid steak and added a side, but that;s because I am comfortable doing that. If I wasn't comfortable, wouldn't do it.

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wayneio@reddit

When I read the title, I was like 'of course I bought a £10 sandwich the other day as my colleagues did'...but then I read the £399 steak. Absolutely not.

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CreativeChaos2023@reddit

I have carers and occasionally the take me out. I’ve always understood that I’m supposed to pay for anything including coffees and meals (if I am having one and to a comparable value so not paying for them to have a £15 main when I’m just having a drink)

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CongealedBeanKingdom@reddit

I'd remind them how much they pay me and if its so important that I eat this overly priced meal with them they have 2 options: pay me more or pay for it. There is always option C of 'both' too

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Fionsomnia@reddit

I’d say “[Boss], this steak costs more than what I’m earning this evening. I’ll pass, thanks.” And going forward I’d make sure to have a snack on me, or dinner before my shift, because clearly this person isn’t very considerate of their staff’s financial situation.

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Specific-Day-255@reddit

I have a special savings account specifically for occasional expensive meals.

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bowen7477@reddit

Next stupid question please.

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Reasonable-Horse1552@reddit

I theory he should be buying your meals if you are working and supporting him.

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charisma_eowyn87@reddit

As a carer myself the rule was always the client had to pay I think either 25% or 50% of your food if they were wanting to go out for food. But even then it was something simple or cheap like a standard pub or cafe nothing more than that.

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Scarboroughwarning@reddit

Clearly, NO. I do know a guy that got burned by something similar. He's mates with one of the staff at a top tier football club. His mate is minted. Has a villa abroad, lots of holidays, living the dream. Anyway, my mate arranges to go with him to his villa. One night, the owner (Mr Minted) orders takeaway. Orders lobster, and various other fantastic things. Probably a £200 takeaway, so vastly above what you'd think. But, nice. The next evening, they go out to a restaurant. Wanting to repay the favour, my mate said "You paid last night, I'll get this". My mate gets the bill, and hiding his disbelief, walks up to the bar to pay. On the way, he had a chat to his Mrs. £12,000. He had to put it on a credit card.

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flamingochills@reddit

Just wondering if he bought the sharer meal to share with you op but didn't make it obvious. That would explain him being upset. The best advice is always to talk to people to find out what's going on though.

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ilikecocktails@reddit

lol, no. I used to be a support worker many years ago, we would get enough to cover something like a sandwich when out, and if the cost went over we would have to pay the extra. If your client wanted to you to eat with him that bad he could have paid for you. Surely he is aware you’re his carer, and are pretty much on minimum wage?!

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coraseaborne@reddit

Unfortunately this is quite common in the care /support sector. I mean, not the £399 steak , but the support worker having to pay for their own meal when a client goes out. They can’t expense it, they can’t (usually) consume their own packed lunch on the premises, and it’s not deemed good quality social interaction etc to sit there and eat nothing yourself. It’s bonkers.

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SecurityTemporary849@reddit

I'm a Sigma, pleasing others doesn't even register with me.

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hb16@reddit

No. I can claim expenses while travelling for work and I only buy things that I'm happy to pay for myself. So, if I would pay for a starter, then I feel I can also claim the starter back. I wouldn't order a lobster and claim it back since I wouldn't pay for a lobster myself. I love food but those prices you quoted are ridiculous If they want me to eat something so expensive that's out of my budget, they can pay for it (as long as it's not seen as bribery based on company policy)

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pysgod-wibbly_wobbly@reddit

Going to work should not cost you money. If having a meal with the client is part of the job then the client should pay. In my experience in care if you are eating with clients as a part of your role within your working hours and you are not on a break then the meal should be paid for by the employer.

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Fit_General7058@reddit

Not in the job I'm in now, but in my 20s, where I was working, yes. When you are being judged on much more than just your work outcomes, you've got to invest to see returns.

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tmstms@reddit

If he can afford that, it was very churlish he does not buy you a nice meal.

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ThinkAboutThatFor1Se@reddit

Maybe they were going to pay but for some reason didn’t make it clear?

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tmstms@reddit

That also went through my mind. I mean, the most benign interpretation is that, as some rich people are, they did not realise how poor a normal person is, or they did not realise the carer did not get their meals out reimbused.

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Melodic-Document-112@reddit

VERY miserly indeed

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tmstms@reddit

Actually, it's strange. Of the rich people I know, plenty are miserly in SOME sense, but everyone I know treats people who are kind of being their carers or servants really well. In the old days, people often employed 'companions' - they might have only been paid a pittance, but they shared the life of the 'employer.' Apart from anything else, it is MUCH more enjoyable to eat together than to eat on one's own with the other person sitting there like a lemon.

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Any-Establishment-99@reddit

She said there were steaks for £400; but also £25. But of course, no obligation to eat, not even if he pays!

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ClayDenton@reddit

No, but in this situation I'd probably let someone buy dinner for me. Rude for him not to offer when you mentioned money was an issue tbh. Did he offer to pay at all?

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

I would expect a whole bull, for that amount of money

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Responsible-Match418@reddit

And the paddock.

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

😋😁

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newfor2023@reddit

You can get 1/10th of a cow for £350.

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Delicious-Cut-7911@reddit

No. This man is obviously rich and he has no idea how low paid people eat. He was disrespectful and if he could afford that meal he could have afforded to buy you a salad or pasta dish.

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Flaky_Walrus_668@reddit

You need to speak to your management and they need to speak to him. If he's choosing the place then he's paying. It's OK if he gets you the cheapest thing on the menu, but he buys you something to eat wherever he eats. If he doesn't need you while he eats he could save buying you food by letting you leave, and return at an agreed time, so you can eat elsewhere. (Somewhere cheaper, or preprepared at home). If he makes you spend over an hours pay on food then he's an ass. Many people have an unpaid lunch hour so that seems reasonable on occasion but he still doesn't have the right to choose how to spend your money.

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sobrique@reddit

Honestly I'm edgy about being 'forced' to eat 'out' at all when on duty. I'll treat myself to something at lunch occasionally, but we're talking £10ish for a burger as a break from my packed lunch/supermarket meal deal. I'm also one of the people who might consider going to an absurdly expensive steakhouse, as I think I might enjoy it. But also not on the company clock. (Well, unless it's on expenses or a salesperson's paying)

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flashbastrd@reddit

He clearly has enough money to pay for you to eat too. I wonder, did you see the restaurant and say “I’m not eating here”. Or did you say “I’m not eating here because it’s out of my price range”. Maybe he just thinks you’re being snobby about the food?

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HannaaaLucie@reddit (OP)

I said "how much for a steak?!?!" And then told him I don't mind him eating there but I csnt afford it.

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DiDiPLF@reddit

So you are completely in the right then. He either agrees a budget for your food that he will pay or accepts its out of your budget and let's you sit with them. He should have got you something basic and a drink imo. I assume you behaved pleasantly, if you sat there with a face like slapped arse I could see how it got a bit bitter.

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flashbastrd@reddit

Fair enough then.

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Violet351@reddit

No, if he wanted you to eat there he should have paid. It shouldn’t cost you that sort of money to do your job

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Radiant_Fondant_4097@reddit

>Would you buy something completely out of your price range to keep your client/boss/coworkers happy? Our corporation offers expense cards to pay for travel etc, but you still initially have to foot the bill first. I was asked to travel across the country for a few days to do work in one of our other offices, I refused because it's a stupid system and I can't stump up several hundred quid for trains and a hotel on my own dime. I'd be laughing at the prospect of a £400 dinner, he can be annoyed all he wants while looking like an enormous dickbag.

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Draigdwi@reddit

No! Not that much. I’m fine with Christmas dinner but those never have been that expensive. If job needs me to eat this expensive food then they can pay for it, I will happily comply.

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Amzy29@reddit

No. I might consider getting a drink or something just so I wasn’t sat there with nothing, but I wouldn’t pay that much.

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ScreenNameToFollow@reddit

You were justified in your behaviour. The rules can differ slightly depending on if you're a PA (directly employed by the person) or employed by an agency. In my experience: As a PA, the rule was always that the person I supported paid all out of pocket expenses. In agency work, there was often a budget of about £3.50 petty cash for a drink so that the person didn't feel as if they were being stared at whilst they drank. I can't remember the meals rules for home care but noone would expect staff members to be out of pocket for the sake of their tea. If you work with this person regularly, it might be worth having a discussion about what he wants out of the experience. Does he just want someone to chat to whilst he enjoys a meal he doesn't often get a chance to eat or does he want the experience of sharing food with someone? Either way, he will be footing the bill. It's awkward when a relationship is ultimately transactional but it's still a discussion worth having because eating alone whilst the other person looks on is very different to sharing a meal. It's worth explaining your boundaries either as an individual or service so he can make an informed decision.

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Appropriate-South314@reddit

Does his disability affect his cognitive function? Any person of 100% sound mind knows it’s ridiculous to expect someone to spend £200 on food when at work. Even outside of work it’s not something many people do regularly.

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AdThat328@reddit

No. You're there to care and be there for him, not to eat.

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kb-g@reddit

No. If he wanted you to eat with him he ought to have paid for you. It’s not his decision where you spend your hard earned money. Even if he’d picked McDonalds you’re still under no obligation to pay your own money to eat just to keep him company while you’re on the clock.

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Head_Priority5152@reddit

This far out of my price range not a chance. I've done it where a meal is say 30 and that's out of my price range and I'd never chose to pay that but for the event I've sucked it up. But I'm sorry that place seems utterly ridiculous and I think you did the right thing. Alright for some who can afford it but its really not appropriate for them to be uppity about you not spending that sort of money. I'd rather pay my rent than have that meal.

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pikantnasuka@reddit

Even if I wanted to play keeping up with the Joneses my bank card would not comply. I did once go on a night out with people whose idea of cheap eats was my idea of really pushing the boat out. I had to leave after an hour or two because I no longer had enough money to get a taxi back and needed to go for a bus. I can't spend £25 on a drink, I don't have that sort of money. Next time they asked me to join them I said no, I can't afford what you like and they seemed very confused. I definitely wouldn't feel obliged in the situation you describe.

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Etheria_system@reddit

As someone with carers, if I was going out somewhere to eat, and it was somewhere expensive, I would never, ever dream of expecting my carer to pay for their own food. Contractually, I wouldn’t be allowed to pay for theirs - it counts as a gift and is too high priced for me to be able to give, but equally I can’t be angry at my carers if they don’t want to spend a few hundred on a meal I want to go out for. I’ve heard so many ridiculous things from other disabled people with carers - a friend of a friend sacked one of her carers because she wouldn’t do drugs on a night out with her. Some people get absolutely bizarre ideas about what our carers are there to do and why.

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EnjoyableBleach@reddit

No. If I'm eating out for work, it is either expensed or I'm eating something I'd normally buy.

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G30fff@reddit

It's not about the cost of the meal, even if it was McDonalds, if I'm eating it with a client, then either the client pays or the business pays.

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phflopti@reddit

I would expect someone who can afford a £400 steak to have the good grace to pay for their dining companions meal, regardless of whether it's a fast food burger or a gold leaf encrusted slab of unicorn. If they don't pay, all they can expect from you is your company. You don't get paid for anything else, and to expect you to foot the bill for their choices is unacceptable.

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Curious_Reference999@reddit

Only if I could expense it! I went for a meal with a client 18 months ago. They picked the restaurant and booked the table. Due to their anti bribery rules, it was made clear that neither company could pay for the other company's meals. We turned up and it was a multiple course tasting menu with wine matched to each dish. £350 each. I didn't kick up a fuss in order to save face in front of the client, but as soon as I could I mentioned to the CEO that I WILL be expensing that meal!

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G30fff@reddit

If I'm working, work is paying

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banxy85@reddit

Assuming that your client is not mentally impaired then they're just a fucking idiot. Work is for earning money, not spending it.

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Significant-Yak-2373@reddit

Did you explain that you cannot afford meals like that.

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Norman_debris@reddit

Why tf did he not pay for you?

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LuinAelin@reddit

Reading the title, I thought you meant like a little out of my price range..like I usually spend less than a 5 for lunch. And one day it's like spending 25 or something But 400 quid for stake, no bloody way. The only way am I buying that is if lunch expenses are paid for and they've put no limit on it.

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WitShortage@reddit

OP, when you say you "made it pretty clear from outside the restaurant that I'm happy going in if he wants to eat, but I won't be eating," did you say that this was unaffordable for you? I'm only wondering whether there was a misunderstanding about who was picking up the bill for your meal. If your client was expecting to pay they may have thought you were turning your nose up at the place, rather than fearing the financial impact. My parents have a carer and they pay for everything when they ask the carer to accompany them on a trip. Which is how I would have assumed it would work.

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Pattoe89@reddit

100% no, not at all, absolutely not. When I was a community carer that £200 that would have been 'my share' would have been half my income for the month. I had to quit the job because I had more outgoings than income as it was. Also when I was a carer I was pretty particular about my nutrition so I wouldn't be interested in eating extra. I knew what I was eating, when I was eating. I'll get a tap water and that's it.

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powpow198@reddit

Fuck that! If they want to go there and they want you to eat so badly, then they can pay.

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Many-Giraffe-2341@reddit

£399 is nearly how much we pay for our mortgage, no thank you!

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MahatmaAndhi@reddit

I refuse to go anywhere where the chips cost more than £3.50. And I'm not subtle about it.

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RadiantCrow8070@reddit

I don't even speak to please others.

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Hetty-Hedgerow@reddit

I would take the opportunity to remind him of my weekly take home pay and that even the cheaper meals in that place would be your entire week's grocery money (and then some possibly). £400 for a steak is *WILD*

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sjcuthbertson@reddit

NTA!

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DOPEYDORA_85@reddit

If I'm there for work, and it's out of a normal routine, work will be paying. If I am there through choice, well I wouldn't be as I don't socialise with people I work with. But in any instances you do you

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Dax_Thrushbane@reddit

Nope. Unless it's an expensable meal, then all bets are off !

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Evening_Common2824@reddit

I find it important in life, to live by your own values, and not be influenced by others...

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Underwritingking@reddit

I would not. Expecting someone to do this is unreasonable, and if they don't realise that it's outside their price range is a bit breathtaking TBH. Though I think a lot of bosses could be this tone-deaf. I would just be honest and say that I'm sorry, it's completely outside my price range, but I'm happy to keep them company

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Polz34@reddit

If I was out with work people I'd expect the company to pay! If I was just having a drink after work or whatever I'd never assume anyone can afford anything, each to their own!

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GarethGore@reddit

Fuck no, I love food but I'm not paying that sorts of prices, if he wants to be annoyed he can be annoyed

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TSC-99@reddit

He should’ve paid if he wanted you to eat

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EdmundTheInsulter@reddit

No I wouldn't pay for it. I've been annoyed by work related cost things before.

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Responsible-Match418@reddit

Absolutely not. It is impolite to compel others to do what you think they should do. If their urge to make themselves feel comfortable at you not eating, then they should pay up or settle down. There was absolutely no obligation on your part and even more so because you're there to work, not socialising. But, even in a social capacity, no one should make you feel bad for you doing you.

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bigvernuk@reddit

No it’s stupid

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EpochRaine@reddit

I'm sorry, you shouldn't be paying for any food. If service users want you to eat with them, they should be paying for the food. If they don't want to pay, then only they eat. If you are taking a service user out somewhere, then you are providing an escort service - that should include all necessary expenses in order to provide the service, which would include food if a service user wants you to eat with them. It would be the same if they wanted you to make yourself lunch, so you could eat with them at home. We had some service users who asked us to make it look like the carer was paying themselves (they wanted to give the impression they were there with a friend), we just billed them for it on their invoice and reimbursed the carer in full. I hate to say it, but your company doesn't appear to really understand exactly what service they are providing, nor the expectations around the service provision. Not uncommon in the care sector unfortunately.

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wildOldcheesecake@reddit

If they’re paying or it’s expensed, yes. Otherwise absolutely not

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