Any stories of it NOT working out?
Posted by Quiet-Midnight-8169@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 160 comments
Does moving abroad ever just not work out? A little back story from me, moved to Canada in the summer with my partner, both on work visas. We are almost 5 months in and it still just does not feel right. I miss home, I miss what I know, I miss my friends, I miss my family. Partners job is high demand and he doesn't like it. We wanted to come here to upgrade our lives, but we just feel like we've moved sideways instead. We haven't been able to enjoy being here due to just working all the time. This just isn't what we came here for. Our short term lease is up November 30th and we have to make the decision to either go home, sign another short term lease, or sign a 12 month and stick it out. I actually quite like my job here, but that's the only thing I'm enjoying. Winter is coming too and that's not going to help much. How do you cope with the thought of failure? With going back to the same country/area, same type of jobs etc when you initially moved to change your life, but it just hasn't worked out that way? It sucks so bad that we planned for 2-3 years but it could be over after 6 months. I wanted this to go well so badly.
gonative1@reddit
Well, as Karen Blixen said before her coffee farm burned down, “at least we will have been somewhere”. My experience in USA has been torture but I’m glad I’ve been somewhere and proud I made it this far. It can suck if one’s stays home and one has not been anywhere.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
So true….I am so sorry your stay here has been “torture”. I haven’t been able to wait to get out of here for 57 years!
gonative1@reddit
High five. You have me beat by 3 years. Ive been waiting to get out for 54 years.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
I bet I still have you beat! I’m in Texas…Dallas. Which, at least is a progressive oasis, but our state government has actually passed laws nullifying local laws it doesn’t like. It’s all about “local control”, except when it’s not.
gonative1@reddit
You sure do have me beat. I’m in NM and laying low. Folks seem real nice. So far so good.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
NM is beautiful? That would be a much better place to live. But, my aging parents are here, which is really what keeps me here. When they have moved on, so will I. Frankly, the election has me terrified for the future. I’m not sure if being in a Democratic state would make me feel safe enough to stay in the US. I’m gay, married to a (now) legal resident from Mexico. He spent 28 years (25+ with me) as an undocumented immigrant. We made it through the first Trump Administration, and I finally got him legal through our marriage 2 years ago, after 1 rejection around 2015 after same sex marriage was made federally recognized, for the waiver to not be kicked out of the country for 10 years. But, if SCOTUS takes down the right to marry, I don’t know what happens. Trump has talked about Latino immigrants “poisoning the blood” enough, that I don’t feel my husband is safe. And I think I’m just disappointed that more than 50% (including Latinos! wtf?) voted for that person. I just have this constant feeling of dread, now. It’s like…what’s the next horrible shoe to drop?
gonative1@reddit
I can relate as a immigrant myself. I’d like to have a backup plan but don’t have much of one except my partner says she would live in England with me gladly so that’s reassuring. I hope for the best for us all. Can you move your parents to NM. I tend to think it’s much more friendly here perhaps. I do make less here however but that’s partly my poor planning. If you need high income I’d suggest bring your job with you.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
My dad has Alzheimer’s and is in a home. He is no longer my Dad. He is a toddler, easy to anger, breaks the toilets of all the other residents. He makes no new memories. His old ones are long gone. He can’t communicate. He is a shell that looks like my Dad, who was a literal genius.
My mom has a gargantuan McMansion and she hoards. So, it’s full of stuff that will be difficult to liquidate. Right now, the plan is for her to live with my brother when we can do that. She doesn’t want to move, because it was the “house she always wanted” that is twice the size of the one they lived in for 30 years and I grew up in. However, she needs the money, because she’s spent all their retirement buying all the crap filling the house, and the home for my Dad is $8k a month. It’s a mess. Sooo, to say the least, getting them out of the state would be incredibly complicated.
All this is to say that I probably won’t be making a big move until they both have moved on, and while I’d love to be in a blue state with much better weather, by the time all that happens, I will probably be moving out of the country because I’ll be ready to retire, and I’ll need the lower COL. California has long been my dream, but even with my relatively high salary (did I say I had a high salary? Or, how did you know?), the COL there is just too high to move TO at this point in my life.
gonative1@reddit
That is a sticky situation but so was mine before I moved here. Moving to NM is like moving out of the country without needing to move out of the country so to speak. I’m thinking your Mom and Dad could be taken care of for a fraction of the cost of where they are now. People say dont wait to follow your dreams because the chance may pass you by. But in reality it does sometimes make sense to wait. Only you know all the factors and I wish you all the best for the future.
You can sell high there and buy low here. That was a big factor for us. It’s like spring here now with 7 months of nice weather ahead. Knock wood. Then we go RVing in Summer or go to the coast. Our mother moved to Africa 40 years ago and is going to a retirement home next week there. Costs a fraction of what it would here. It’s harsh to be 9000 miles away but I’ve a accepted it in a depressed sort of way. I loathe feeling powerless and poor. Getting old sure sucks.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
Indeed, it sure does! I'm so sorry your mother is far away. May I ask what city you are in, or area? That is a good idea to move there and save money. We are considering Mexico, my husband is from San Miguel Allende, which happens to have a lot of Americans living there, so there's an infrastructure. I speak Spanish and am comfortable in a lot of situations in which most Americans would not. I've spent time in Quito, Medellin, Madrid, Barcelona, Lisboa, Sao Paolo, Rio de Janeiro, and some cities in between. But, being close by (relatively) has its appeal.
gonative1@reddit
Thank you. We are in a very rural but special community of in NM and AZ in the SW corner. We like it because there are no cities anywhere nearby. El Paso and Tucson are about the same distance away. Lots of nature, clean water, clean air, stargazing, and it’s very quiet. It’s a undiscovered blue zone. A community of happy and healthy elders. A lot of scientists and astronomers retire here. It would be ruined quickly if it was near a city. Few jobs and no high paying jobs keeps it nice.
I’d love to explore some of Mexico. I chatted with someone who moved from Tahiti to San Miguel de Allende. He is a artist and did very well. Now why didn’t I think of that, lol. My partner taught Spanish and English there in a former life. She did not like living in Mexico as she doesn’t like chaos, poverty, and corruption. And she was a Peace Corp worker and did not like being that poor. I grew up in Africa and it doesn’t bother me the same way. I pointed out that with some money it might be a better experience but she is not interested. So SW NM/AZ is our compromise. So this part applies to the OP’s thread. Chaos, corruption, and poverty didn’t work out.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
Oh…I get that. It’s a part of life in Mexico. That’s a wild coincidence that your partner was there. Somehow, I knew you would know SMA. My husband’s family no longer lives there, but there are family ties. There was a riot against the police in SMA, I’d guess in the late 70s/early 80s, and my husband’s family moved away (his step father was a police officer), so they moved two cities north, to a small town named SanFelipe.
What gets me is, San Felipe is not an attractive town. I mean…it’s as ugly as SMA is beautiful, yet his family likes it there. It is loud, chaotic, has buildings half built. Very little that’s historic. It’s growing, interestingly, and I am not sure why. There aren’t any major industries. His sisters’ kids (he has 3 sisters who have had several kids), which are getting to be adults, have no interest in moving away. They are far more educated than my husband’s generation, and are getting jobs working with computers and such.
They just accept the constant chaos and noise, and corruption is just something that people do. Even his sister manages a dialysis clinic, as her first job, and she has no qualifications. But her friend got her in as the General Manager. That’s corruption!Sorry, I tend to go off on tangents if something spurs me on, I should have just said, yeah, that’s a fact of life there, lol. Hope you enjoyed the story (because I’ve written 2-3 paragraphs that I’ve deleted because my ADHD spurs all sorts of tangents, so it could have been much, much longer 😂)!
Your part of the world sounds lovely. I think I’d enjoy spending time there, but I’ve always felt like a city boy (at 57, I should probably stop using “boy”), and I’m not sure I’d enjoy living there. I actually would move to Mexico City before SMA because it’s a real city, and beautiful to me, I love meeting new people (and people watching), I’ll talk to anyone, I am still making new friends while others in my age group complain online about having none, and naively (I admit), I tend to trust people before I don’t. Oh, and I need good doctors. I’ve got some issues that need specialists (I hate growing old). I’d have to try out the country living for a while.
Where did you grow up, if I may ask? You said you are an immigrant, was that from South Africa? Was it an adjustment to move to the country?
gonative1@reddit
I might have liked cities but they overwhelm my senses and I feel exhausted. I think I have hyper alert nerves, lol. But I’ve heard Mexico Ciry is a beautiful city as far as they go. It’s one of the few that Ive considered visiting.
That is odd they like San Felipe. Ive heard of it. As they say, “there’s no accounting for taste”. To each their own. Best wishes, whatever you decide.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
Thank you...same to you! I have misophonia, which I think must have something in common with hyper alert nerves, so I understand feeling overwhelmed. And, I have panic attacks in Walmart, lol.
Feel free to reach out if you ever need to talk with an internet stranger. I am a good listener (or reader), and advice sharer (I'm fairly active in r/advice, too). In person I have the kind of face a stranger feels they can tell anything...I know because they do (not long ago I talked with a woman in a Marshall's aisle for 2 hours!).
Take care!
gonative1@reddit
Oh, thank you, we could have any good conversation I think. A friend has misophonia. It’s a thing for sure . I’ve had little bouts with it. The oddest noises would suddenly bother me. The funniest one was my mothers jaw clicking at the dinner table, lol. Now I miss it.
I did not know about the advice group. Ive said before that I dont give “advice”. I give my perspective, experience, and thoughts. They can take it or leave it. It would be interesting to see how others view it and what the rules of the group are. For a while I was warning people about the dangers of life and bad things that can happen. It was a phase I went through. I realized I was dumping and stopped. I call it self correction.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
Self correction is a good thing! The advice group is getting very large. But,basically, people pose their problem, and ask for advice. Then members offer suggestions. As it has gotten bigger, there are more and more unserious answers, which bothers me. It also makes it so people don’t find the serious offers of advice. People don’t read the rules, and if they feel advice helps them, they are supposed to respond “helped”, which adds a point to the advice giver, and you develop a rating like novice advice giver, helper, master, etc. people rarely respond with “helped” anymore, which is kind of annoying. But, being an amateur Dear Abby (or Ann Landers, I’m that old, lol) is therapeutic to me. Check it out! It’s people asking for advice, so different than giving advice to friends, to whom I am also more wary of giving advice. Wrong advice has much bigger consequences, when they are close to you.
Ok-Addendum-9420@reddit
I live near Dallas too, but grew up in Maryland, a very blue state; I can’t wait to get out of here.
gonative1@reddit
Best wishes for your escape and future adventures.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
Thank you! I’m going to need it!
Legitimate_Soft_850@reddit
What part are you in? Such a big place. So many good spots and SO MANY TERRIBLE ONES
gonative1@reddit
Good points. We are hiding out with the outlaw Robin Hood types in New Mexico. As close to the border as we can get. I really should count my blessings. It’s beautiful and fairly friendly. But the brain injury that occurred right after immigrating has made it all hard. Especially with no health insurance. A lot of other immigrants had it harder I’m sure.
CuriosTiger@reddit
Like anything else, some people succeed, some people fail. Like anything else, you can do everything right and still not have it work out for you. That said, five months isn't really enough time to make that determination.
I have lived in three countries. My native Norway, the United States and Austria. The US worked out for me. Austria did not.
I moved to Austria in 2001 for work. I lived in Vienna. I spoke some German when I got there, and I became fluent in relatively short order, so it wasn't a language barrier. But culturally, I struggled a bit.
My job was good, but like you, it was the only thing I really enjoyed. I had a hard time making friends, and most of the friends I did make were other expats, not native Austrians. Perhaps I'm the problem, but many other foreigners had a similar experience. It's hard to make Austrian friends when you're not Austrian yourself.
I have asthma, and Austrians smoke like chimneys. Including indoors. I've heard it's gotten better in recent years, but when I lived there, this put real limits on where I could go and what I could do. Including things like which bank I chose and which grocery stores I shopped at. I had far too many meals at the Ikea restaurant just because they banned smoking.
Vienna is beautiful for tourists, but a little less idyllic when you feel your motorcycle tires sliding in literal horse dung on cobblestone. Or when some rude old lady just stares at you through her window as if she disapproves of you parking outside her building -- even though you're in a public parking space and not doing anything wrong.
Not everything was bad. Plenty of people were nice to me, or at least polite. My coworkers were great. I had some enjoyable road trips to surrounding areas, and much of the Austrian countryside is absolutely picturesque. I learned fluent German, as mentioned, and the experience I gained working there kickstarted my career. So I do not regret moving to Austria. But I also do not regret leaving. It was not the country for me.
Friendly_Lie_221@reddit
Hi. I’m Norwegian but I’ve been living in the states for most of my life, I’m heading back to Norway soon and I’d love to hear how you’re feeling about everything now. Do you plan on returning?
CuriosTiger@reddit
I have a lot of feelings right now, but I prefer not to discuss politics on here. I'm happy to discuss privately, though, so feel free to shoot me a DM. In Norwegian if you prefer.
In general terms, I can say that I am happy in Florida and would prefer not to move anywhere. There are some things going on that could eventually force my hand (insurance crisis, cost of living increases, hurricanes) but I'm not there yet. And if I did move, it would likely be to another location in the US.
I have not ruled out moving back to Norway eventually, but that's not in my short-term plans. Perhaps in retirement, but I don't have to worry about that just yet.
Necessary_Soft9661@reddit
In the same boat in Florida. Originally from Canada and love it here BUT this state is in trouble with the issues you mentioned. Considering other states but which are as tax friendly?
leslieb13@reddit
Washington and Nevada are not only tax friendly they are open to new people. Especially Vancouver Washington or las Vegas Nevada.
CuriosTiger@reddit
Tax friendliness is but one criterion. The state at the top of my list if I were to move is Texas, but the reasons for that are complicated and some are specific to my life and thus not good general advice.
CharlotteL24@reddit
First, I think five months is too soon to judge unless there are such glaring red flags that you know you will never overcome.
Second, I've worked with two people who just couldn't make it work. Both moved to London from the US, both super happy to get to do so.
The first was a young guy, early 30's - the constant grey/gloom/rain just got to him. He stuck it out for about 18 months but returned to the US for his mental health. People don't realize the difference in weather from the US to the UK and northern European countries can have on them.
The second was a woman, also 30's, who moved for her fiance. Her work (in fashion) didn't offer the opportunities in the UK that she had in the US, plus much lower pay (par for the course compared to US companies) and less prestige. That, along with the weather, didn't work and so she and her now-husband have moved back to the US and while they're not thrilled about the election, she is back to her normal, upbeat self, flourishing again. She found it hard to make British friends, instead having a circle of ex-pats which is what I've observed for many Americans.
The one thing I've observed about people moving abroad - in this case Americans moving to London and other European cities - is how hard it can be to integrate into the culture. Locals already have their friends so they're not really looking to make new ones. They think the "cheers, mate!" will mean becoming quick friends. It doesn't.
I used to work for a global company in NYC and we routinely had American employees go to our London office and London employees come to NYC. Almost every American loved the access to Europe but couldn't wait to return home - they found the Brits to be "polite but not friendly" and the work culture to be challenging (the American cheerleader spirit and direct communication styles was not a cultural fit). The Brits, however, loved being in the US and many even said how much they loved the upbeat American spirit, etc. The ones I knew really wanted to stay long-term but their one or two year assignments had come to an end.
I'm sure there are Americans on here who had the opposite experience in London, but this is my experience and observation more times than not. The Americans who assimilated the best were married to a Brit and had kids so they had a pool of people to develop friendships with (school parents).
MtDoomResident@reddit
They say it takes at least a year to adjust moving out the country
CharlotteL24@reddit
I've heard that it takes 2 years to fully integrate yourself into a new city AND that's in your same country. So I think it can take longer when living abroad.
Lost_Comparison7013@reddit
We tried moving to my husbands home country (I am from Canada, he is from west Africa)…. We sold 90% of what we own, packed up and moved… got there and literally wanted to turn around and leave. We stuck it out for nearly 1 year now… it’s near impossible to find a place for us to live that’s ina good area, we don’t fit in with the locals as we are from abroad…. we are seen as a bank to 99.9% of people. Which had put us in a pretty sticky situation more times than not…. Had to leave our house because people just kept asking for money every single day…. Moved to an expensive apartment - finally some peace as we are around other expats! But financially not feasible…. We can’t get our own groceries as we keep getting super ripped off, everything is 10x the cost it should be. It’s been a bit of a complicated mess….
We do NOT want to go back to Canada. But, we can’t stay where we are. It’s such a disappointment… we have to start all over no matter where we are :/
PM-me-ur-kittenz@reddit
That is so disappointing! Do they just see you coming, and immediately charge you "tourist price" for everything?
Professional-Box376@reddit
I’m sorry. I’m having to e same experience in UK. It’s a lovely country - but be careful what you wish for is my biggest lesson. I’ve learned that home is where your heart is and now I have to backtrack. I love UK 🇬🇧 - and everyone I’ve met but it’s just not home. And now I’m The midst of having #47 elected, it leaves me nowhere. Wish you both the best!
pm_me_wildflowers@reddit
5 months is nothing. Culture shock is not going to wear off for close to 6+ months (your subconscious needs time to adjust), but also you should be experiencing some lessening of that by 5 months in. The fact that you’re not makes me think Canada, or maybe whatever specific area you’re in right now, may not be a good fit.
LizP1959@reddit
Yep. I’ve lived overseas successfully and happily (almost a decade in France, moved there from the USA). I’ve lived in London as well, successfully but for a shorter time (only a couple of years).
But one move stands out as the kind of situation you may be thinking of: I was offered a high-prestige job in the UK and took it (no visa problems). Sold our houses and cars in the US, and about 90% of our furniture and clothes, knowing the housing stock is smaller and not as livable there.
After 3 months of living there, I knew I hated the job and the living situations that would be possible there, and additionally one of the key terms of the job had changed for the worse—-but I stuck it out to finish the year (avoiding disruption for my employer over there because of their work calendars). And luckily my old job wanted me back.
Sometimes you just know: when that is the case, don’t lose any more time or effort to the sunk-cost fallacy.
minxylynxy@reddit
Can I dm you about living in France?
LizP1959@reddit
Yes! I might be slow to answer (big weekend for us) but yes, Monday I will be back. It was a great experience (but I grew up bilingual Fr-Eng, so that makes a huge difference).
YadiAre@reddit
Moved to Germany. Sold almost everything in the US. We moved on a skilled visa and after a several months got approved for the blue card. But we could not find a place to live after 8 months of searching. Started the search in Berlin, and after it became clear that was going to be next to impossible, we started the search in almost all of Germany, hundreds of applications later, increasing budget significantly, we finally gave up. We also couldn't enroll our kids in school without having a permanent address.
Germany doesn't want or need foreigners, it is very xenophobic. The skilled workers shortage is propaganda and is suppressing wages for the IT sector, and the cost of living is high. We took a 55% pay cut and the housing costs were almost the same. My daughter got very sick and when I called emergency services I was hung up on over and over because my German pronunciation was lacking.
tryingmybesteverydy@reddit
Man that’s awful.
I was thinking Portugal was bad taking two months to look for a place to live then getting laid off within 6 months. Germany sounds very rough.
I hope things are better now for you and your family.
proof_required@reddit
You can't literally find housing to rent and you can't afford buying house in any decent sized city. The places with "cheaper" housing is infested with Nazis and lack of job opportunity.
YadiAre@reddit
My husband's German company laid off a bunch of people a few months after he joined. His workload increased tremendously, and his boss wanted him back at work asap after having Covid. So he was working 10-12 hours a day. This work life balance and workers rights don't really apply to foreign workers, including highly skilled ones. There is so much propaganda trying to get people to move to Germany because their population is declining and aging. But the incentives to stay there are very poor once you're there.
FriendshipDizzy9630@reddit
Damn what a nightmare, I'm sorry!
YadiAre@reddit
Ultimately, I'm glad we tried. I wish we could've made it work, but it wasn't meant to be.
Odd_Dot3896@reddit
I hate Germany 😀 and I didn’t even experience what you did. It’s overall a horrible place to live in the western world. Obviously not comparing it to war torn or impoverished places, but generally speaking it sucks ass.
YadiAre@reddit
There were some aspects that I really liked, like public transportation, wider sidewalks, apartment living vs houses in terms of density.
But it was a rude awakening to see so many grumpy and angry people at the Christmas markets. So much smoking, dog poop, apathy towards foreigners who are trying to integrate. I was yelled at several times, one of them for buying "spicy" chips for my daughter at a store in Leipzig by the cashier. Just a weird and rude interaction. I was so mad and felt so much rage at being unable to defend myself. I used a translation app and went back into the store and played the robotic voice to the cashier and everyone in line. She just stared at me. I also had my bags checked at the Rewe in my neighborhood often enough that I noticed it wasn't happeing to others.
I ended up getting covid for the first time in Germany. I was able to get a virtual visit, and prescription for paxlovid all in less than 24hrs and for less than €100. This would easily be 10x the price in the US.
Ultimately, the housing was the deciding factor to leave. I knew it was going to be difficult, but not having a place to live and no school access for my kids was not allowing us to integrate. Some places that did respond to my applications told me they didn't want a family to live in the flat, only a couple, for a 3 bedroom apartment. Discrimination in housing is allowed.
Lower_Hospital1268@reddit
Do you know any places that want and need foreigners and are more accepting?
Fiona-eva@reddit
Didn’t work out with Australia, chose to go home after a year. Not because of the country, but for personal reasons, don’t regret it however. Then spent 4 years in Canada, was absolutely miserable, that place sucked the soul out of me, had to stay there for this period and suck it up. By the end I was severely depressed and near suicidal. Now moved to UK and feel much much better and happier. Sometimes you’re just not a match with the country, it happens more often than you’ll think
singernomadic@reddit
I curious why Canada was miserable for you (I'm Canadian and also not loving it here).
Fiona-eva@reddit
There are some objective economic factors people mentioned in this post, but overall it felt really boring, people were really unwilling to show an ounce of personality or share any opinions, all my interactions were friendly but very… sterile for the lack of better words. And it’s not a me issue, I went to socializing events and watched other people interacting a lot, it’s all stops at “communication 101”. Even people whom I established a more or less strong bond (for example they invited me to dinner to meet their new baby) - didn’t have much to say or ask, so we kept slipping towards discussing work, and the level of conversation is always kinda “bad weather is bad, holidays are good, babies and kittens are cute, work is stressful” , and this is after 6(!!!) years of knowing each other (we met outside Canada) 🤷🏼♀️ eventually I got so burned out of such interactions that started dreading them Also the level of quality of most products and services sucks majorly. There is cheap and meh, there is expensive and great, but majority of my experience with commercial services in Canada were expensive and meh. Feels like people don’t even bother to make it not mediocre sometimes, just whatever, anything goes. I had a plumbing issue, called 7 plumbing companies, 2 didn’t pick up, 1 said they don’t have availability, 4 said they will call us back and never did.
meshyl@reddit
Germans have the same style of communication. Weather, work, what will you on weekend, some city event, holidays, restaurants ... And that's about it.
Fiona-eva@reddit
Yeah, getting to actually know people is near impossible.
margaretnotmaggie@reddit
What happened with Australia?
Fiona-eva@reddit
Family stuff
homesteadfront@reddit
It could be worse. I moved to Ukraine and integrated into society, got married, bought a house, then a war happened
GingerSuperPower@reddit
Man, I’m so sorry. I hope you’re safe. I moved to Moscow 4 months before the war happened. Next thing I knew I had no house or job, and everyone hated me because they assumed I supported the wrong side, even though I moved away immediately. 😅
sndgrss@reddit
I hope you supported the "wrong side"
GingerSuperPower@reddit
Oh no my Russian family didn’t give me any shit at all, my Ukrainian friends did because they said I wasn’t vocal enough about my support for them (I worked for them for free but had to be careful what I said out loud for my own safety). It took a while for my Western European fam to understand that I’m very much against the war. My job in Moscow was state funded though, so I didn’t want to endanger my friends and family on that side, while still trying to support the other side. It was tricky. But I shouldn’t complain, I lost everything but my friends are alive, the Ukrainian people suffered much more than I did.
LokiBear222@reddit
We now have a president who wants to stop people dying. He, at least, doesn't want war. So let's see what happens when the funding is cut off.
DazingF1@reddit
Ah, yes. An American president wants to stop the military industrial complex and the money it prints for the country.
The elections are over, there's no need for pointless empty promises anymore and you should stop believing them.
LokiBear222@reddit
He didn't start any wars last time.
GingerSuperPower@reddit
Wtf are you talking about?!
dunnoezzz@reddit
What's the chatter happening in Ukraine with trump being Pres soon?
homesteadfront@reddit
I’d say it’s mixed and extremely complicated. It really depends on who you ask and where they are from. Personally, I’m worried. As far as Ukrainians go, it’s split down the middle. In Odesa a poll was taken with 60,000 people and Trump won by 62%.. but in western Ukraine people tend to be more anti-Trump(recent a priest called him the anti-Christ lol). So the closer you get to the warzone or to an area that is more frequently bombed/ droned, the more likely people are to support him and this is probably because trump said he will “end the war” and the people who are closer to the the front or are regularly facing bombings are wanting a dramatic change. Especially in the far east, where people have been living under fire for 10 years now.
I’m heavily censoring my right right now, there’s many things that I cannot really speak on, so I’m just trying to be as simple as possible.
wanderingdev@reddit
do they realize that by "end the war" he means "help russia win"? i get they want the war to be over, but do they want russia to take over? because that is the result trump is going to help happen.
dunnoezzz@reddit
As an American I can tell you just how trump is planning to end it. By giving Putin whatever he wants. Not sure if Ukrainians want that or they're just tired of dying in a war for land they will never benefit from. When your life is on the line things change.
homesteadfront@reddit
That’s pretty much why I’m personally worried, I just didn’t want to seem biased or get too political since I’m somewhat of a public-figure, so I need to be careful with what I publicly post. If you want any more detailed information, feel free to dm!
Interesting-Tackle74@reddit
I'm so sorry for that
CopybyMinni@reddit
This Just happened to my friend who had to leave Beruit
Quiet-Midnight-8169@reddit (OP)
I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you're doing ok.
Friendly_Lie_221@reddit
Jesus Christ I’m so sorry.
jesusgrandpa@reddit
I dodged a bullet on that one. I stayed in Kyiv for a bit in 2018, and planned to move there. While in the States, Covid happened and then the war.
magnusdeus123@reddit
Where did you move to Canada from, OP?
I moved there over 15 years ago. Made my life there and finally left in early 2022. I totally understand why someone could feel that, at best, it's a sideways jump rather than a step up.
If you're coming from a poor country, it's an upgrade. But for any other developed country; including the U.S., unless you really want to experience what Canada is, it's a downgrade. And I would go further and say it's one of those countries where the reality never lives up to the hype.
Quiet-Midnight-8169@reddit (OP)
We moved here from the UK. Whereabouts did you move to, and why do you say "finally left"?
magnusdeus123@reddit
I'm in Japan currently. Not sure if it's a final destination, but it's working out so far.
"finally left" as in I don't really see myself going back to Canada other than for administrative reasons. Unless things change drastically - and even then - it's not culturally my cup of tea.
Gilgamesh-Enkidu@reddit
Canada is, in my opinion, a terrible example. I’ve lived in several countries in Asia and Europe and the only place I legitimately had a bad time in was Canada. So many negatives for me living in Canada.
I don’t see a failure at all though. You moved tried something and decided it wasn’t for you. There is no failure here. The failure would have been wondering for the rest of your life what could have been and living with that regret.
ijumpedthegun@reddit
What was it about Canada that was so bad? (asking as someone considering expatriating to Canada)
singernomadic@reddit
As someone who lives in Canada and is trying to get out, there are a few things that are less than perfect.
2) Transport SUCKS - in most cities you have to have a car, which is an extra expense (also drivers here are terrible). Especually if you're moving from Europe, it's gonna be a SHOCK to see "transit" that's kind of poor or sometimes non-existent. That combined with extortionate flight prices means I haven't left my city to explore the rest of the country in years. The UK is my goal because travel is more accessible.
3) Cold winters - this ones at the bottom because all you need is a good winter coat, good boots, gloves and a hat - but the short days and cold temps can be tough If you're not used to it. Would highly recommend Vitamin d supplements.
My opinion is not the authority. It really depends what you're looking for and where you're moving from. I would do more research into the lifestyle and potential stresses of living here - which could change depending on the province you're in. Many people love it here - and it's certainly better than other places - but know what you're getting into before you move.
magnusdeus123@reddit
As someone who immigrated there and became Canadian before leaving recently, I'm going to piggyback on this.
4) Limited career opportunities: First, depending on your background, there are real & artificial barriers.
If you're in the trades or in medical, etc. you need to go through difficult relicensing exams. Many people find out that they need to restudy something like medicine in Canada, and end up giving up and accepting a lower standard of living.
On the artificial side, you'll be ignored due to your lack of "Canadian experience"; salary negotiations with employers who behave like they're doing you a favor. God help you if you graduated during a downturn. Everyone I know had to change careers just to live here, including myself.
And if you're coming from countries with low pay but generous benefits otherwise, in Canada you more-or-less get American-style benefits with European-style low pay. I'm not even talking about how it's a pretty small economy and certain industries just never took off here due to the U.S. being right next door. So if you're an expert, you'll very quickly reach the glass ceiling where there's nothing higher for you to advance to because you're not part of the Canadian aristocracy i.e. families that own the big three of each industry.
5) Relationships with the locals: I often tell people that Canada prepared me well for Japan. Both countries consist of interactions with people that are generally polite and nice on the surface, but otherwise don't know how to extend any warmth into any relationship, whatsoever.
For the longest time I thought this was just around the corner - a little more integration, a little more of being outgoing, etc. Nope. Every single other immigrant to Canada I met eventually just figured out that they were better off having only other foreigners as friends beyond work relationships. Every single on went through some episode of being ghosted by a native.
Moreover, I've come to realize that as they age into their 30s, 40s, Canadians even end up losing friends with whom they've spent their whole life! I've seen this with my own spouse. Friends from childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood that just sort of drift away. Sometimes not even that, but the relationship just withers away slowly because no one knows how to take the necessary steps to keep the fire going through life changes since society just doesn't prepare them for it.
This isn't the U.S. where a sixth of the population moves every year to a different state. Most people live in the same city they were born in and once they lose a friend, there's just a hole there that never fills back up. In this way, Canada is closer to many other countries in Northern Europe; from the experiences of expats living there that you read about here.
6) No idea of what it wants to be: This maybe rings much more personal to me than for others but after more than a decade in Canada, I was frankly tired of living in Diet America™. And I don't mean the huge malls and parking lots.
In deeper ways, I feel like Canadians have completely lost touch with what makes them a separate nation from the U.S. besides pathetic anti-American memes like "but we have healthcare!" There is a still a true Canada somewhere deep in there, if you live there as long as me and try as hard as I did to integrate, you will see some signs. It is probably not the liberal tolerant multicultural country we see today, but it's truer to its roots, its history, and its actual issues and is probably more capable of finding solutions for them.
In real life when living there though, you'll mostly just see that the Canadians will always choose the comfort of downplaying, ignoring, and erasing their own history and identity for the latest political fad that they have been convinced to follow through on due to being completely culturally colonized by the Americans. This why Idle No More got hundreds of thousands out in the streets, but Black Lives Matter drew out millions. Both are important issues, but the former is more important for Canada. This is just one of many examples.
Fiona-eva@reddit
Agree with every single point, 4 years in Canada lived me completely baffled by how shallow social interactions were and how people were content with that. I am SO HAPPY I got out.
magnusdeus123@reddit
Where did you go to?
Fiona-eva@reddit
London. I have friends here and it’s basically Europe so traveling is easy, and weather is much more to my taste
magnusdeus123@reddit
That's excellent, hope you like it there. I never considered the UK until very recently. You are probably aware as much as I am that living in Canada and interacting with people there makes you start having a sort of tunnel-vision of the rest of the world. You're constantly being told that this is the best country in the world, everyone wants to move there, etc. Unfortunately I sort of bought into it hard for a while and really stuck to travelling only in Canada for a few years.
I'm game to visit the U.K. now and even consider it seriously as somewhere I might potentially move to one day, but alas. It's so expensive to even visit there at the moment.
hornylittlegrandpa@reddit
At least in Mexico, the vast majority either move to a new country or go back home within a year. Out of all the other expats I’ve met in 6 years, I can count those who have been here more than 2 years on two hands. Maybe one.
Diligent-Salt8089@reddit
Are you saying expats only last two years max in Mexico?
magnusdeus123@reddit
I feel that this has more to do with something that is unique about you culture(s). I too have heard of many Mexicans, Latinos in general, always wanting to go back to their home country no matter how bad it might seem to an outsider.
highstreethellcat@reddit
same here in spain. Most last two years at best.
Stories-N-Magic@reddit
Absolutely not a failure. Not on your part atleast. You can find many MANY stories similar to you. Pf people who uave moved to other countries, especially to Canada, and absolutely Fucking hated it.
I moved here 9 years ago and it's been hands down the worst decision of my life. This country and culture destroyed me. Killed my spirit. Gave me so kuch trauma. Introduced me to panic attacks for the forst time in my entire life. Destroyed my marriage and took away my financial freedom.
It's the people. The cold nature of the people and the culture. You'll likely NEVER make anynreal friends here. Not even in your "own" community.
I can go on.
I'm stuck because of a number of family responsibilities. Otherwise I'd be 😊 ne in a second.
I HATE it here.
The only thing i love is the public library system where i live. And the Fall season. But Fall hasn't been the same for years now.
I'd give ANYTHING to be able to realize what you're realizing at the 6month timeframe, and go back.
Some countries and cultures are for you, others are not. It's a matter of finding the right fit. Just like a relationship. It's not a failure if it's not a good fit.
Canada is one of the most misunderstood countries imo. People sadly mostake Canadian politeness to be kindness and friendliness. People have no idea how effed up the country's economy is rn, and how bad it's gonna get politically soon. The infrastructure is a joke. How absolutely ridiculous middle class lifestyle here is. Exactly what you're experiencing too. You're so busy working you have no time or energy for anything else.
The only thing they have going for them is the natural beauty in certain places. Is that worth living a miserable life for the rest of your life? You can always visit, and actually go see way more beautiful places.
Spirited-Dirt-9095@reddit
I'm so shocked reading this. Not because I disagree, but because this is eerily close to my experience of living in Canada. It's destroying me, but I'm trapped.
VeeandtheCat@reddit
I recently returned to England after nearly 16 years in Canada…. Everyone says ‘what d’ya want to come back here for??’… it’s so hard to explain how dreadful it is there as all people think of is the beautiful photos. I’m so sorry you are stuck. I was stuck too, but I got lucky when the house prices boomed. I’ve left both my adult children there, couldn’t bring my dog (that was for the best though- he’d have never adjusted), and have started over again , again. It’s been way harder than I expected but even with the murky weather I’m glad I’m back. Canada is nice for a holiday but not for a life. Try not to despair! As long as you have your passport and someone you know at ‘home’, you really can just say ‘bugger it’ and get on a plane!
Stories-N-Magic@reddit
😔 hugs
OliSykesFutureWife@reddit
I totally get this. I visited Ottawa to process my working visa when I was an expat in the US and I found people to be incredibly rude, the city was boring and it was freezing. Would love to know where the 'polite' Canadians are, as they definitely weren't there!
Spirited-Dirt-9095@reddit
Ottawa is fucking awful.
Legitimate_Soft_850@reddit
Victoria and Vancouver were absolutely wonderful!!
OliSykesFutureWife@reddit
Good to know!
magnusdeus123@reddit
FWIW I studied close to Vancouver and found the people there to be absolutely among the most disconnected, unfriendly and soulless Canadians. I was ready to leave the country and would have if I hadn't visited and then moved to Montreal.
Frankly, just avoid Canada. I say that as someone who immigrated there and became a Canadian.
singernomadic@reddit
Winnipeg has some pretty friendly people as long as they're not driving!
magnusdeus123@reddit
I posted elsewhere in this thread mirroring some of your points. I'll say again what I tell most people: Canada was a great country for preparing me for Japan. It's the same stuff; polite and nice on the outside, but lacking any real warmth and connection.
Im_the_dude_@reddit
It didn't work out for us in NZ.
Rumpelmaker@reddit
Same… Leaving next year.
Interesting-Tackle74@reddit
What was the problem?
Rumpelmaker@reddit
Cost of living, lack of job security, too isolated…
Interesting-Tackle74@reddit
Tell me a country with a good quality of life, where the cost of living is not high pls
Rumpelmaker@reddit
lol When did I say it was only a problem here? Of course the cost of living crisis is global, but it hits us differently here. We have a house in the UK, which we’d never be able to get here (at least nothing comparable) and the other two issues I listed aren’t exactly unimportant. We just don’t enjoy our life here for those reasons, end of
Interesting-Tackle74@reddit
May I ask why?
Im_the_dude_@reddit
Wife just wasn't happy there at the end of the day, so we headed back home (US) and are now stuck dealing with this turd sandwich of a president again. It's very remote, expensive, and has other challenges. Nowhere is perfect though. NZ is a great place with a LOT of positives going for it.
Spirited-Dirt-9095@reddit
It's not a failure if you go back. I've been in Canada for three years (like you, from the UK) and the loneliness and isolation are overwhelming. If you do stay and you want anyone to chat to, don't hesitate to message me.
Ok_Head_8178@reddit
Where does it say they are from the UK?
Spirited-Dirt-9095@reddit
We can just tell.
magnusdeus123@reddit
As someone who became Canadian, I always thought that the isolating nature of Canada is something it inherited from it's British side. But here you are from the UK and even you struggled in Canada. Is the U.K. quite different in that regard then?
Zoryt@reddit
It's probably because he has childhood friends in the UK and in Canada it get's a bit hard to make friends(I'm assuming that not implying)
Spirited-Dirt-9095@reddit
Yes. British people can seem aloof, but we're very warm underneath. I'd say Canadian people are the opposite.
In the UK we have local shops and local pubs that we build community around. It's harder to build community in a place where you drive to a strip mall when you need to get a loaf of bread and a couple of litres of milk.
magnusdeus123@reddit
You hit the nail on the head with the Canadians. Nice on the surface, but after a while you've seen what there was to see.
On the pub thing, I feel like it's the same in Japan (you gotta learn the language though). It's a bit of a meme how British culture is basically drinking, but there is some truth in there I guess. And some magic as well.
I've warmed up to the idea of finding myself in Britain one day if the stars align. I resisted it a long time; thought I would be more the type who'd be happier in Germany or Sweden. But lately I've come back to it being either France or the U.K., and I dare say that despite the rivalry, in Europe those countries are more alike than different.
Quiet-Midnight-8169@reddit (OP)
I appreciate this so much. Same goes, feel free to reach out.
Educational-Tip-4430@reddit
The Netherlands didn't work out for me. Very rude people.
I've also lived in Prague. It is an amazingly beautiful city, the most beautiful I've lived in and seen so far (but I haven't been to Rome or Budapest, yet). However the locals were less welcoming than Slovaks, more aloof and cold. Also, aside from Prague itself, the city's not located good for international trips, Dresden is OK but nothing worth to see compared to Prague itself. In Bratislava I could easily visit Vienna, Budapest or Brno.
By contrast I had the time of my life almost in Bratislava, Slovakia. I say almost because I missed my family much. Apart from that the locals were so welcoming. And the expat community there is small but mostly helpful and friendly. Nice food, weather is nice, 4 seasons.
SnorkBorkGnork@reddit
Of course being an expat doesn't work out for anyone. I wouldn't consider it a failure. There is this weird idea in our culture that if something just really doesn't work for us, we have to grind and persevere and force ourselves to go on with it anyway. If we don't we are "weak" and have "failed".
Everyone is different and it is perfectly OK to admit to yourself you thought something seemed interesting and fun (whether it's an education, job, relationship, emigration, etc) and it turned out to be really bad for you.
We only have this life, so make the most of the time you have. Sometimes that means changing directions.
monchers@reddit
Went to Germany for my career and it did not work out for me. Liked most things but could not get over the general mindset of the Germans especially in work circumstances.
I did not see it as a failure though. Was well worth the shot to see what it was like.
kiefer-reddit@reddit
Five months is way, way too early to have any sort of ultimate judgment about this. You are still in the initial phase of confusion, homesickness, culture shock, etc.
Give it five years.
Delicious-Sale6122@reddit
It’s Canada. No one willing moved there…
magnusdeus123@reddit
S3v3nsun@reddit
I moved to Japan a few months ago, expecting an experience that would elevate my life. But I quickly realized it was different from the fantasy I’d imagined. Sometimes, failure is part of the process of learning about ourselves and our surroundings, even when we arrive with the highest hopes. Moving abroad can reveal things we didn’t anticipate – not just about a new country but about who we are and what we need to feel fulfilled. It’s often uncomfortable and unsettling, especially when the vision we had doesn’t line up with reality.
For me, Japan has been a mix of lessons. Sure, I came with images of a culture I thought I’d understood, but I’ve found that reality is complex, and it can make you feel unexpectedly out of place. It’s hard knowing that it might not be a “forever” move and realizing the lifestyle here has its own set of challenges. The pressure, the pace, the isolation – it makes sense now why some people feel adrift here, and it’s an experience shared by many people globally, not just here or in Korea.
As you think about going back, remember that it’s not a failure to admit that something isn’t working. Sometimes, the most courageous thing is acknowledging that a place, or a phase, isn’t right for us – not because we’re weak, but because we’re self-aware. If you have to make a choice to leave, it’s not the end of the journey; it’s just a different path. And at least you won’t have to look back one day and wonder what if? You'll know you tried, you learned, and that’s something no one can take away. Keep choosing the things that make you feel alive – and if you find yourself wanting more, don’t hesitate to keep exploring.
magnusdeus123@reddit
Hey buddy, I moved to Japan in 2022 after deciding to follow-through on a lifelong dream of learning the language and living here, at least for a while.
And just like you, its got its ups and downs. Lots of lessons learned. I've truly never felt so isolated and bereft of friends in my life.
But other things are better than they've ever been. You win some and lose some.
And just like you said about having regrets, I really needed to get this out of my system. Otherwise it was starting to poison the rest of my future.
blahblah19999@reddit
Nothing personal, but I don't get trying to integrate in Japan. There are so many people of caucasian people born there who never feel part of the culture.
I've visited about 10 countries and Japan was the 1st place where I really felt separated from the locals. I always felt at arm's length, even though I speak the language
Intelligent_Ad2526@reddit
And typically those caucasians grew up in the Expat bubble and didn’t really integrate. Especially in the Tokyo metro region.
S3v3nsun@reddit
I completely agree!! I am over it, its great culture great way of life but for the Japanese!!! awesome to visit though. I am now visiting Korea and see its actually worse then Japan!
Trablou@reddit
Yes this happens a lot. Five months in is however also a time where for a lot of people the dread sets in, with especially those feelings you described of missing everything back home, what you know, friends, family, etc. Most people would say stick it out until at least one, one and a half years because for most that is the point where you have established (or are starting to establish) a new social circle, and start to get the hang of your new life in general. If after that point you still dislike living in Canada it might also just not be for you, either the location or expat life in general, which is completely fine as well!
wanderingdev@reddit
sure, it doesn't work lots of times. but 5 months is nothing. it can take years to really settle in and have a place feel comfortable. especially if this is your first extended time away from your home base. you'd likely be feeling the same if you just moved to the other side of your own country, not a foreign country.
HomeboyPyramids@reddit
Normal travel blues. Takes 6 months to a year to get settled. Traveling is hard work. It can take time to build community in another country. If the job and environment aren’t working , consider leaving.
You’re not a failure.
You fail when you don’t try.
gedankenauflauf@reddit
Yes, there are plenty of people whose move did not work out, they're just not so vocal about it.
Mine was not a complete success neither.
If you are not feeling it, move back home. Life is too short to endure sadness for so long, just because some people say it might work out.
Rumpelmaker@reddit
I moved to the UK on my own 10 years ago from a country that was actually doing better economically. Started a family, got citizenship. Never felt homesick there, but know other people who did and ‘got over it’ in time. It always takes a while to get settled, find friends, get used to new things etc.
Moved to another country last year with my family. Felt like an absolute sh*tshow from the start but we ignored our gut feeling. Going back to the UK next year.
We sunk a lot of money into this adventure and I think I aged about 10 years, but we tried 🤷🏼♀️ Pulling the breaks now feels like the right decision, and I’m looking forward to going back. Extended family and friends in are stoked. Doesn’t feel like failure, and everyone just said things along the lines of: ‘Hey, you tried and now you won’t have to wonder.’
I also hate the ‘non-permanent feeling’. I never had that when moving to the UK, so I’m surprised now at how much it actually bothers me.
You were brave enough to do something many people dream of but never even attempt. Only you know if going back now or waiting another year to see if your situation changes is the right call. Do what feels right.
safadancer@reddit
Where in Canada are you? Five months isn't very long to adapt to somewhere, let alone settle -- I don't even know comfortably where to buy everything I need before a year in each new place (I've lived in a LOT of different countries). You don't even have friends by five months in. No wonder you feel unsettled.
Bris_em@reddit
If you go home, you may think of what you could’ve done where you are now, and possibly feel frustration and regret. Also be careful of random deadlines like your lease forcing such a big decision. If you were currently on a year lease, you’d just commit and relax a bit.
What are the reasons you decided to come? You said you haven’t had the time to do those. So try to find solutions that will allow you to do those. Maybe your partner should look for another job. Problem solve what’s not good about things at the moment.
Winter is magical in Canada. Consider what you may miss, like skiing, if you leave. I know when you’re in that over it mindset it is hard to see anything positively, but try to find things around you that may excite or interest you for the future.
There really is no rush to go home other than your self imposed timeline and fear you are wasting time. It might seem pointless to try because as you say, it’s the impermanent feeling that won’t go away, but something made you decide to do this move. It was always going to be impermanent.
It’s fine if you want to go home, but it may be good to have solid reasons. Like you have a plan that makes you excited. Like this experience has made you realise what you can do differently back home that will upgrade your life, so you’re excited about doing that and feel like that’s the right direction. Otherwise you’re just making decisions because of feelings and they change.
Remember it’s natural to miss comfort of home and friends and your culture, it’s where we feel safe and at ease. It would be a bit weird if everything felt so right. It doesn’t mean that what you’ve been doing is wrong.
Fiona-eva@reddit
I lived in Montreal for 4 years, if you’re not into sports - winters are absolutely miserable. It’s cold af, it’s dark very early, you constantly have to shovel snow, there are blizzards and ice rains, and it’s long. It sucks.
highstreethellcat@reddit
I worked on projects for years in Montreal. Flying in on Sunday night leaving on Friday night. Summers are gorgeous but everyone shuts down for three weeks, so I never got to go in summer. I met French people who moved and would talk about how nice it is then after a winter or two, fuck this.
NootMasta@reddit
I like your optimism. What are some good places in Canada?
Bris_em@reddit
Not sure what you by good places? It's a big country. I've spent the majority of my time there in B.C. where outdoor activities and nature are amazing. Similarly Alberta. But there's cool things in the eastern provinces of Ontario and Quebec. If you want a more specific answer, give me more detail what you're after :)
Flat_Ad1094@reddit
I think the world is full of people who relocated and then regret it and move back.
I know in Australia that there is good evidence that TONS of British come here, stay for a few years and are miserable and go home. I worked with a women who did that. she and hb came here. they were lovely! But after being here I think about 4 years? They went home. Apparently this is common as common.
For many different reasons. You have to feel comfortable. I do recall this lady saying they just could not get used to the weather here. It was too hot and they were frightened of our summer storms! I get that.
No shame at all in going home. I would say though you need to stay a full year to experience all seasons and really give yourself time to "settle in" BUT....if you don't want to? No worries. It's your life. Be happy!
Sundays-Pomegranate@reddit
Moved to Germany. Had a great life, job, friends. Found out the healthcare system which is supposed to be great would take me years to get my life changing surgery approved and then years to schedule. Moved back to USA, took me one week to schedule, a year an half of waiting. I think I saved myself about 3.5 years of waiting and doubled my income coming back.
OliSykesFutureWife@reddit
Wouldn't say it was a failure per se, but I left the US after working there for 3.5 years because Trump can in as president and I was sick of working for a PR agency in LA that was ripping off clients. Also missed the work/life balance found in Australia. Was an awesome experience though!
Legitimate_Soft_850@reddit
My friend moved her family to Australia after Sandy Hook and has never regretted it. Seems like a wonderful place, and so many of us are looking to leave the US its scary
Princescyther@reddit
Watched a youtube channel of a guy who moved to Canada from the UK. He lasted 3 months!
Sometimes, it just doesn't work out.
https://youtube.com/@sl_alecking?si=on3rALO-lOQWlAlX
Refurecushion@reddit
I live in Japan and I have seen people underestimate the level of Japanese necessary to work in a Japanese enviroment. (In this case the IT industry.)
E.g. one guy, great to be around, no difficulties in normal daily interactions, but writing technical documentation, having technical discussions and doing code reviews in Japanese was another story.
teabagsOnFire@reddit
glad I work for one of the 2 good western style employers in tokyo.
the rest of y'all are going hard on the japanese reading!
WhitneyUgh@reddit
I'll trade places with both of you right now.
i-love-freesias@reddit
If you have to work anyway, what would really be different somewhere else? Could you move somewhere and only work part time and afford it?
You like your job. Your partner sounds unhappy.
Giving up after 5 months seems a bit premature.
Winter can be nice.
SockdolagerIdea@reddit
I heard it takes four years to integrate anywhere. So like, if you move from one city another, four years. One country to another, four years. One school to another, four years.
MungoJerrysBeard@reddit
I moved to Hong Kong with a pregnant wife and for a new job. We knew apartments were small, but when you throw a newborn with colic into the mix. Hell. And then the job was so toxic with an expectation of overtime every day (with no thanks). Then what time off I had, the price of a pizza with family - yikes, or how the parks are overcrowded with helpers on weekends. The locals weren’t that friendly either. The only benefit was the excellent healthcare. Quit after 18 months and moved to a different country we knew little about and didn’t visit beforehand. It worked out perfectly, thank God!
Slow-Honey-6328@reddit
What about stop comparing with the past and give the current what it needs to be enjoyable? Sometimes you just need to find the reasons not to quit.
ulul@reddit
We moved to UK, stayed there for some, was not bad not great, then we moved to HK and I enjoy it much more and hesitate to move back to home country (although it has always been the plan). Sometimes you don't click with one place but do with another.
Mwanamatapa99@reddit
Too soon. Give it more time. It takes a while. Canada is a wonderful country.
Rsanta7@reddit
My partner and I also moved to Canada (Vancouver) 4 months ago. We also wanted to return to the USA after a year or two here. It is not what we expected. But now we may change our plans and stay longer.
FrauAmarylis@reddit
OP, you are still in the stages of culture shock.
Stay.
PracticeLost7108@reddit
You don't say where are you from. I am from Brazil and I am going to move abroad to Australia in 3 months but my parents are supporting me because even my life being brazilian is very comfortable, I miss go away and see different realities. So living in first world country is my main goal and drive me to achieve my financial dreams. If you were from a developed country, it is ok to come back. Shit happens, believe at least you tried.
Waste_Worker6122@reddit
Had a friend who moved to NZ to run the NZ subsidiary of an American company. He loved it. His wife hated it (they are both Americans). She found it like Mayberry RFD and not in a good way. The tensions festered until one day she announced she was moving back to NYC on the next plane; husband was welcome to follow. Or not. She left and husband followed shortly thereafter.
Poorly_disguised_bot@reddit
My grandparents moved to Canada in the early 80s. When my grandmother passed away in the mid-2010s, my grandfather abruptly announced his intention to go back home because he 'always hated Canada'. He just stuck it out because of my grandmother.
Sometimes it just never feels quite right. You just have to figure out what's the best next step for you!
hater4life22@reddit
I left Japan after 5 years. That's just life.
Organic-Violinist223@reddit
Moved to France, bought a apartment, had a kid, adopted a cat, bought a car, then lost my job snd moved back to my (not my partner's) native country. I lost out she's still living the expats life
StriderKeni@reddit
It happens more often than we think. Personally, my first time didn't work, but it was a huge life lesson. In the beginning, you may think it was a failure, but then, over time, your negative view changes.
snow_boarder@reddit
My wife and I moved to her home country of Brazil and gave it a two year go before returning back to the US. The job market was bad in Brazil and any jobs offered were not worth fighting traffic or public transportation to get to. Remote jobs paid very poorly there too. After two years we returned home, got jobs, and resettled. We may retire to Brazil later in life but the earning potential here is too great to pass up.
Maybird56@reddit
I think it takes two years to really settle into a place and decide if you like it. However, if you’re really unhappy, don’t waste time living there.
My partner and I moved somewhere that had some positives, but downsides as well and we didn’t have any strong ties locally. Additionally, my partner was just miserable at work. It’s been just over a year since we gave notice at our jobs with no idea of what we would do next and honestly now looking back, we have zero regrets. It seems a lot more straightforward in retrospect, but I was so scared at the time.
Faith_Location_71@reddit
It's not a failure - you went and did the thing, and you didn't like it. It's absolutely fine to say so honestly and go home.