What fantasy punishment did you wish for those who wronged you when you were young?

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theegrimrobe@reddit

poked to death with a sharp stick .. just the one so it takes AGES

slow painful cancer death

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princesshoneyxx@reddit

Kneel down in a rock salt. I did it to my ex as I caught him cheating on me. haha satisfyingggggg he deserve that.

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My 13 year old niece wants to curse Mary Berry’s hand until it changes into a claw, and within the claw there is a spider. She sat at the top of our stairs cursing her for about an hour last Christmas.

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UnusualSomewhere84@reddit

13? I assume she has some sort of neurodiversity or learning disabilty?

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7ootles@reddit

Sometimes kids are just kids, did you think of that? Not every elaborate and clearly-nonsense threat comes about because of nEuRoDiVeRsItY. Some people just appreciate that coming up with ridiculous and comical ideas like that are a good way of venting frustration.

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UnusualSomewhere84@reddit

Sitting at the top of the stairs for an hour? Cursing someone? Have you met many 13 year olds?

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7ootles@reddit

Ranting and getting in a huff for an hour and more is entirely in character for a thirteen-year-old.

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Dogsbellybutton@reddit

She’s exceptionally bright. It’s tough for her at times because she’s so clever. She’s also a nob head who rips seven shades of shit out me any chance she gets. :)

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Fancy-Professor-7113@reddit

This sounds like my daughter. Complete genius, utter nob head ❤️

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Green-Froyo-7533@reddit

My oldest is like this. Absolutely amazing mind and exceptionally intelligent in school subjects and could hold his own with most adults on various subjects, then has moments where he forgets how to use a spoon 🙄

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iceblnklck@reddit

It’s not a reddit thread without someone trying to armchair diagnose a funny kid story

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UnusualSomewhere84@reddit

You found it funny?

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Philip_K_Duck@reddit

You would be shouting about exposing a 5 year old to witchcraft and "satanic abuse" if that had been the case.

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Green-Froyo-7533@reddit

Halloween night an ambulance went past our house to the bottom of the road. My youngest 6 turned to me and said “Somebody could have been murderered!” He is on the spectrum but I’m aware kids and preteens and sometimes even adults come out with the most random stuff after listening to my youngest sister you’d probably think the same lol.

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UnusualSomewhere84@reddit

No it would be more normal for a much younger her child. And satan isn’t real.

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skawarrior@reddit

Satan is as real as we want him to be, just hold his love in your heart and he'll always be there for you.

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NeedfulThingsToys@reddit

Anton Lavey approves this message

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alanonoz@reddit

LOLOL!

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Dogsbellybutton@reddit

? Why should I?

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iceblnklck@reddit

Sorry, didn’t realise I was conversing with the arbiter of comedy. I apologise James Corden

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Fancy-Professor-7113@reddit

We don't let the witches join the union till they're of age 🙄

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Philip_K_Duck@reddit

From that post I assume you suffer from some sort of cuntishness.

She sounds brilliant to me.

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CraftyCat65@reddit

This feels so random, yet it made me laugh out loud 🤣 I stan your niece and her creative cursing!

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Dogsbellybutton@reddit

I’d bought her a make up/eye shadow kit. She made her face green too 😂

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CraftyCat65@reddit

She'll go far in life! 😍😂

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Dogsbellybutton@reddit

She will x❤️

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Historical_Cobbler@reddit

My daughter in year 1 got her first children’s bible and in the story of David and Goliath it says “taking their head off and having it on toast”. She now curses people with that, and also the dog when she dropped her toast.

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7ootles@reddit

Her Bible sounds a lot more fun than mine.

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panic_puppet11@reddit

Did she have toast with people's heads on? Or just jam like a normal child?

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nottherealslash@reddit

I used to want to put all the chavs who bullied me into a big farmyard barn, full of pig shit and mud, make them live there with no clothes. Then randomly burst in with a shotgun and blast one of their cocks off.

Luckily I got over it.

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Sirlacker@reddit

You could have been the hero we needed

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BritishBlitz87@reddit

They'd probably be happier like that.

Pigs in shit and all that.

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boulder_problems@reddit

I often fantasise about driving a knife through my brothers neck and watch as his last breath escapes his lungs for how he dared to sexually abuse me growing up. Other than that though, none! 😂

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darcsend_eu@reddit

Petrol bomb the house. One time I tried to take a baseball bat to beat someone who bullied me but my mum stopped me.

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Dt9jn@reddit

I wanted to put my parents back to back, tied up and beat them to death with a baseball bat. Yeah that’s a bit dark I know. It was a rough childhood.

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Panda487@reddit

For a very long time I had a recurring fantasy that I would inlist the help of a hitman to abduct some people from my past and leave them in an extremely deep hole with a walkie talkie. Every day I would ask, in a disguised voice, each of them what the worst thing they had ever done was. If any of them ever described the things they did to me I would let them out, but they never did. Usually the fantasy would continue with a bit of water being added to the hole in the hopes that the next day they may confess. Sometimes I’d drop a gun down there in the hopes that one of them would shoot the others though… it’s funny how dark our imaginations can be. In real life I’d never hurt a fly

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joshii87@reddit

Oldboy (2003)

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CorpusCalossum@reddit

Oubliette

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Panda487@reddit

Excellent, I will tell my architect right away… muahahahahha

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PMFSCV@reddit

Thanks for posting this, I'm feeling slightly better about myself.

I just wanted to hurt people, humans are awful.

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XSjacketfiller@reddit

No violence necessarily but they would have to live out their days in my global totalitarian dystopia.

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Wednesdaysbairn@reddit

No specific person but I wanted to make ‘bad people’ count every grain of sand on earth. That’ll learn ‘em 😂

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FlatTyres@reddit

Alex Horne? Is that you?

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FlatTyres@reddit

At school, I wanted to have the power to make bullies piss and shit themselves in front of everyone and humiliate themselves.

I also wanted the power to make a bully dance stupidly on the spot for hours beyond it hurting - no ability to stop while they're terrified and confused.

I wonder why I didn't ever think of combining those two fantasy punishments together?

An additional one was to be able to stop time, leave the classroom, find some fresh dog shit outside the school, pick it up with a bag and then return to class and shove it down the underpants of a bully and then unfreeze time once back in my seat.

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Mistress_Ploppy@reddit

I didn’t wish for a punishment for someone who bullied me, but I was secretly very happy when I found out she died.

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bronsonrider@reddit

I have and always have had, a very warped and dark imagination so I do t think I’ll be describing any of my fantasy punishments

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Green-Froyo-7533@reddit

I played cards against humanity last year for the first time, the group I played with thought I was this quiet, unassuming individual until they met my dark mind.

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jilljd38@reddit

Always said I'd torture someone with Chesney hawks the one and only on constant repeat in a locked room

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Green-Froyo-7533@reddit

Now for me it would be the Birdie song, it irritates me no end after 30 seconds so any longer would be pure hell

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Thestolenone@reddit

I had a superhero alter ego called Eleanor, she was tall and blonde and beautiful (by 1970's standards) and would fly around at night in a sparkly blue dress shooting dead violent fathers and stepfathers in their sleep with arrows tipped with sapphire points, so the children wouldn't be afraid any more. Inspired by my mother's second husband.

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Green-Froyo-7533@reddit

Sounds like Bewitched went vigilante

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TheLightStalker@reddit

I was big on horrible histories as a kid. I learned that medieval assassins would use a red hot poker up the bum for a discrete murder..

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Background_Step_1224@reddit

I read George’s marvellous medicine often as a kid, I planned to make that medicine for several people.

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LauraHday@reddit

Today I learnt I am not a very vengeful person lol

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emmaa5382@reddit

When I was a kid and I felt like I was being u fairly treated or family members were being mean I would hide somewhere and imagine supper nanny turning up and yelling at everyone and telling them I was the only good one there

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emmaa5382@reddit

We also had a plan to murder my little brother for being annoying. It was very elaborate, tying him to the floor under the trampoline and then getting an elephant to jump on the trampoline to squash him

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Jazzlike-Basil1355@reddit (OP)

Flawless plan 👏

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emmaa5382@reddit

There were diagrams and everything

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CorpusCalossum@reddit

What about passing very sharp, very thin wires, like cheese cutting wires but sharper, through the muscles of the body in various places. Then send non-lethal, oscillating electrical current through the wires so that the muscles spasm and the person shreds themselves on the sharp wires?

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Glass-Web-4450@reddit

Creative, I like it and must now remember this for the next entitled customer I encounter at work

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Jazzlike-Basil1355@reddit (OP)

Pure evil.

Well done!

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IndividualCurious322@reddit

I grew up in a very rural area that was plagued by poaching (I would find snare traps which rabbits, foxes, badgers ect had been caught in and not recovered by the poacher in time, so the animal would gnaw it's own limb off or starve to death, which would upset me greatly) and I used to fantasize about Black Shuck (a very famous hellhound) catching the poachers in the act and devouring them for needlessly hurting wildlife.

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Quick-Oil-5259@reddit

Fascinating read

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IndividualCurious322@reddit

If you enjoyed it, a man called Mark Norman wrote a book about 8 years ago called "Black Dog Folklore" and it covers those types of entities up and down the UK. I'm lucky enough to have bought a hardback copy while they were still available.

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Quick-Oil-5259@reddit

I’ll keep an eye out for it

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Luton_Enjoyer@reddit

Sending them to the mines.

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ItsBoughtnotBrought@reddit

I once worked in a toy shop. I wrote a short story about the toys coming to life after hours and violently murdering my manager.

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AzzTheMan@reddit

That feeling when you've had a wee, but still feel like you need to wee, only there is no wee. I once told someone I'd curse them with that.

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Ginger_Grumpybunny@reddit

Brutal.

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jdsuperman@reddit

Cystitis?

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Ginger_Grumpybunny@reddit

Itching powder in undergarments, and sneaking into their houses and hiding important stuff, but not all at once - just one thing at a time so they'd think they'd lost it all by themselves. I have to say, though, that I much prefer my son's when he was about 5 and said his dad didn't deserve any nice Christmas presents: "I think we should get him terrible stuff, like a bikini, a bucket of water and a lamppost!" I queried, "A lamppost?" and he determinedly replied "Yes. I'm going to go outside and dig one up!"

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Appropriate-Bad-9379@reddit

She could have humility and empathy and see herself how she really was. Just 30 seconds would do it…

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KermitsPuckeredAnus2@reddit

Bummed into next week.

I didn't know what it meant, but knew that bum was a naughty word so it was obviously a stern punishment.

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andysjs2003@reddit

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

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Quick-Oil-5259@reddit

Being called a ‘bummer’ back in the 70s and 80s was a serious matter.

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one_up_onedown@reddit

That they are wronged the same way I was or torturous death by my hands depending on the day.

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snarfalicious420@reddit

I hope I never meet any of you sadistic mfers 💀

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Flibertygibbert@reddit

Making my father eat baked beans!

I had to eat food I hated, but he got away with not eating baked beans. Sister & I always told him he'd be eating them when he was too old to run away 😂

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Oldrandguy1971@reddit

I had to eat calf’s liver once a week. My only fantasy was never having to eat it again. As an adult I never have.

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Nyx_Necrodragon101@reddit

Kids used to beat me up. I fantasized about ways to kill them usually involving vivisection, decapitation, setting them on fire, mincing them alive and feeding them to the abandoned puppies in the pound.

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Apple-Pigeon@reddit

This is darkly funny if you imagine you're talking about your own young kids.

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alanonoz@reddit

Nah, that stuffs too vanilla.

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CraftyCat65@reddit

I'm not sure I should admit this, but what the hell 🤷‍♀️

I never get specific about the how but I do have a fantasy "Smite!" list.

Occasionally my kids and I have heated (and ever so slightly surreal) debates about how many people I am allowed to smite in any given period Its obviously not restricted to people I know personally lol.

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CorpusCalossum@reddit

The Hound, Cersei Lannister, Rad The Sweetling...

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alanonoz@reddit

ARYA STARK!

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alanonoz@reddit

That's a dumb idea - airless vacuum; she would suffocate.

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ktun11@reddit

I wanted to turn into King Kong when I got angry and throw them as far as I could.

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friends_with_salad_@reddit

I had a friend who told people he wished their assholes grew tastebuds.

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DuglandJones@reddit

Throw them into the sun

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Ranoni18@reddit

Just something simple like dropped into a vat of boiling oil.

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space_coyote_86@reddit

Like medieval Get Your Own Back

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Stoby_200@reddit

I was once annoyed at a friend and said I'd report him to BBC News and had an image in my head of them being on the news for being a dick.

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Altruistic_Wave8674@reddit

Oh, that’s a brilliantly diabolical one! My fantasy punishment was to banish my annoying cousin to a giant bowl of soup, where he’d have to swim laps every time he teased me. I’d just sit there with a spoon, occasionally giving him a poke if he got on my nerves! Kid logic can be pretty wild, can't it?

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quantocked@reddit

My grandad was not always very nice to our nan. Me and my cousin, when we were about 7, said we were going to tie him to a lamppost and kick him in the willy.

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Independent_Ask9280@reddit

Bedbugs and cockroaches in their home

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CorpusCalossum@reddit

Bedbugs is an horrific revenge, John Wick has nothing on that.

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Independent_Ask9280@reddit

So I've heard

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OrdinaryQuestions@reddit

I wanted to make people really really small, keep them in a cage, like you would a hamster or something.

And then just let them be miserable knowing they couldn't do anything. That I had full control over them. What they ate, of they were allowed to talk/see eachother, etc.

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Expression-Little@reddit

When I was in primary school I had a notebook called the "terrible teacher torture manual" where I would draw pictures of the teachers I hated being horribly tortured and murdered. Highlights included the rack, dismemberment and boiling oil. My parents thought this was hilarious.

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elalmohada26@reddit

I wasn’t in any way bullied at school but on two separate occasions two different kids were really unpleasant to me. Both of their mums died shortly after in sudden and unexpected circumstances. I think there’s a possibility I did it with my mind somehow.

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box_frenzy@reddit

This is so fucked up and I love it

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Mammoth-Ad2074@reddit

Death

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_over_under_around_@reddit

I totally level with this person.

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Paracosm26@reddit

Anyone who's ever watched Ed, Edd & Eddy and seen the episode where Eddy upsets Rolf deeply will know exactly what I mean, but I've often fantasised slapping someone on the face with a big wet fish and cause them to fall down a deep hole I dug. Then, when the fight is over, pour eels down their pants. 😏

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windowlickers_anon@reddit

Turn them into frogs 🐸

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acatmumhere@reddit

I wished I could turn people into grains of sand.

Still wish I could in a way, however sand also does not go away easily.

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OkSir4079@reddit

Might I suggest helium balloons, multiple helium balloons, freely available, most Saturdays at mc donalds. Ideal for the mistreatment of miniaturised Grand Mothers. No fuss, tie, fly and goodbye.

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Illustrious-Tea2336@reddit

You got me beat ngl, the lighbulb idea is a great possibility.

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Competitive_Art_4480@reddit

People who smash glass bottles all over the pavement....

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Current_Ad_8567@reddit

Death

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AdministrativeShip2@reddit

I just want them to stub their toes or fall over when they're dicks to anyone.

Maybe a seagull will poo on every piece of food they take outside. From picnics to bbq.

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FantasticWeasel@reddit

Endless papercuts, or regularly discovering they have an enormous bogie hanging out of their nose moments after they have finished speaking to someone important.

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Even-Tomatillo-4197@reddit

I wanted to peel off people’s skin then roll them around in salt.

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Ok_Garden_4874@reddit

Kiĺl them. Now still kill them but in a creative way.

Won't really do it.

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