If a stranger asks you if you are okay what do you say?

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TheToyGirl@reddit

Unload away...they'll either back off or support you. It's nice that they asked if you are OK tho xx...just say I'm tired but he's a walker sometimes They will laugh and agree

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moondust1959@reddit

In that situation previously I’ve just said I’m a bit stressed and trying to decompress, but thank you so much for asking.

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QuailTechnical5143@reddit

‘I’m just peachy the world is my oyster. Except that I just drove a stake through my brothers heart…because he turned into a vampire. Apart from that unfortunate business….everything is hunky dorey.’

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I was once sobbing my heart out on the train after attending a mates funeral, and a lady asked if I was ok. The absurdity of the question (obviously I was not ok) actually made me laugh and shook me out of it.

I explained the issue and said I just needed a little cry, and she gave me tissues and left me to it. Thank god, she was truly an angel for my introverted personality that needed a gentle shake.

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Racing_Fox@reddit

I’d say I was fine, I want to be left alone lol

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Try_at-your-own_Risk@reddit

“Im aight thanks mate”

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Rachael008@reddit

All depends on how you feel .

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MelisaYYC@reddit

I had a somewhat similar situation. I was having one of the worst weeks of my life. Not hyperbolic, it truly was hell. I was in a shop picking a few things up while trying to hold myself together and one of the shop girls came up and simply asked “are you doing okay?” Obviously she meant it in more of a “oh the tea is in aisle 5, have a good day” kind of way, but I absolutely fell to pieces. She leaned in and said “this was me yesterday. I promise, you’re going to be okay” and hugged me. So I didn’t verbally unload my life story but my emotions sure came out. Lol Her kindness was so genuine, I really appreciated the interaction.

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ollymillmill@reddit

Depends what i’m unloading onto the stranger

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RacyFireEngine@reddit

Snigger

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InnisNeal@reddit

terrible word it's 2024 mate

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Maleficent-Walrus-28@reddit

It sure is CURRENT_YEAR

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Audible-Parapet6059@reddit

Not for long! Soon it'll be CURRENT_YEAR+1

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Maleficent-Walrus-28@reddit

Update the JOHN_OLIVER file added to December tasks

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Specific-Day-255@reddit

I don’t engage with strangers. Not worth the risk.

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Big-Parking9805@reddit

"yeah".

The typical British response to mean -" I'm not ok, but I don't want to talk to you about it. Who even are you anyway? You're not my girlfriend or my mum, why don't you fuck off and mind your own business, you nosey twat!"

We're so polite 🙂

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Material_Arm_5183@reddit

had a horrible day today where I was crying on the pavement, honestly would have liked someone to ask me and I probably would have explained quite a bit (but might not have responded if they seemed like they didn’t have the best intentions so)

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AdThat328@reddit

Someone got on my bus crying the other day and sat in front of me. I went to ask if she was okay, waiting for the bus to start moving and then she got out her phone and started screaming down it with about every swear word you could imagine demanding money from someone...to the point the person in front moved away from her...kinda glad I didn't ask :')

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

The more comments I’m reading the more I’m realising that I have fear for showing any kind of feeling to people.

Might be why me and my partner got in the tiff.

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Material_Arm_5183@reddit

No, I think you’re perfectly fine with not showing emotion to strangers. some people just are bad, and could use it against you (especially in a pub, though I’m clueless), it all depends on how bad the situation is and how trustworthy you think the stranger is I was in a horrible situation, but if it had been something that I could deal with by myself I wouldn’t say anything either, I’m not even sure I would have replied if someone HAD asked me if I was good today

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

As a woman I am cautious around people but perhaps overly so. It just this feeling that people want to use whatever I have to say against me or to talk to other people about. Even a stranger.

This is just paranoia - partly.

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Material_Arm_5183@reddit

I’m also a girl, I get that feeling. Talking to strangers is honestly not a good idea in terms of safety, but they’re likely not going to be able to talk to other people you know about it and ruin stuff.

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AdThat328@reddit

I've definitely unloaded on a stranger...

But if they ask if I'm okay it's almost always "yeah thanks" or "I'm fine".

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P2P-BSH@reddit

It would depend if I was ok or not.

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

I feel like people ask to be ‘nice’ but would get quickly spooked if you showed real emotion

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MiddleAgeCool@reddit

No. If you opened up I would sit and listen for as long as you needed. If you opened up it would become my night over anyone I was out with. I wouldn't forgive myself knowing I could have been the ear you needed at that moment and I chose to ignore you.

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LondonCycling@reddit

On the contrary.

I was at a railway station about 6 years ago when I saw a lass on the bench crying. She didn't even have a handbag on her, let alone a suitcase or anything.

Obviously there's some caution to be exercised if you're a male alone at a railway station with a female; but I asked her what's up, and she unloaded an incredible amount onto me. Her man had been having an affair for over 2 years, he owned the home and had kicked her out, and she had not much money at all. I missed my train, which meant I missed a job interview, and she composed herself enough to call the council about emergency housing.

It did take me by surprise somewhat as she didn't hesitate to start talking. It's almost like she wanted someone to ask her what was wrong. Who knows.

Anyway, I would rather 10 people ask and tell each of them I don't want to talk about it, than nobody ask and whatever the consequences of that end up being.

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kyondon@reddit

You lovely person, you.

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Few_Breakfast4720@reddit

As a Young Boy I saw a Young Man with His head in His hands, sat on a bench crying, I stopped on my bicycle to ask what's wrong. He came over and punched Me really hard on the nose, years later I saw him sat in My dads truck one morning, I ran in and said Dad the one Who hit Me is in Your truck < He had all sorts as labourers> He said I'm in a hurry for work and went to his truck and drove off. Recently I asked Him about it, He cant remember and just didn't listen at the time as We had other problems at home. Do I still try to help strangers? yes I do

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antiquatedsheep@reddit

You are a star! I've been somewhere similar to the woman in your experience. Was trying very hard not to cry in the corner of an empty station and a slightly scary looking man in an army uniform came and sat next to me and told me random things about his life until I was laughing. He told me he was getting on the same train but when my train drew out of the station he was still on the same bench watching. No clue who he was but he appeared at a moment when I was at my loneliest and most hopeless. I think of him often, and he's almost made me believe in guardian angels. Couldn't thank him properly then, so telling you now instead I guess. I'm sure wherever she is, she too remembers you with a lot of gratitude 🩷🌸

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HowCanYouBanAJoke@reddit

I hope you haven't been unemployed for the last 6 years cos of this because you deserve so much

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LondonCycling@reddit

No I haven't. In fact I don't think I've had a break in between jobs ever.

That said, I did think after the fact that it would've been a good test of an employer - tell them what happened here and see how they respond. If they grumble about it, probably not a company I'd want to work for (unless needs must).

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adhdontplz@reddit

What happened with the job interview? I'd have hated your kindness to cut you down unless there's a good serendipity story after and you got an even better job after that

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LondonCycling@reddit

I'm not sure if I got a better job, but I received two other job offers. I took one of them.

In hindsight maybe I should've rearranged the interview I missed as they may have been an awesome place to work, who knows, but I was fairly happy with the offer I'd accepted.

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

You are a good person.

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P2P-BSH@reddit

Some will, some won't. I decide on the fly.

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

This was a group of day drunk women so I think I made the right call

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schpamela@reddit

Probably wise.

My concern would be that my sensitive issues would then go through the churn of drunk group banter. Drunk groups usually want to be entertained and will tend to turn the discussion towards humour. If that'd cheer you up then great, but I'd personally find it invasive if it was a private matter.

If I'm gonna spill my guts to a random it should be 1-1 or maybe 1-2 at most.

I started therapy this year and so I now have the fallback option of 'I'll discuss this in my next session'. It's easier to hang on to it knowing I'll get to offload at a set time.

Some shit went down at the weekend so my therapist has her work cut out this week!

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Competitive_Art_4480@reddit

Definitely true.

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jjnfsk@reddit

If people didn’t want to know, they wouldn’t ask. It’s not like unloading on a passer-by with headphones on!

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Sattaman6@reddit

I can only speak for myself but if I asked you, I’d be prepared for a download.

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turkishhousefan@reddit

Depends how close to tears I am.

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doughy1882@reddit

"Yep, fine" is the answer no matter who asks with the exception of your Doctor. In which case it's "yes, I fine thank you, doctor".

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ukheather@reddit

I’m honest so I just say the truth.

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CameramanNick@reddit

I must have been asked if I'm OK by a couple of dozen random strangers in my life (for some reason it often happens at the railway station, I've no idea why). Apparently I have the male equivalent of resting bitch face, or at least resting deeply-unhappy face. Personally I think I have a face like a half-cooked pancake, barely capable of registering any sort of expression beyond a vaguely misanthropic ennui, but there it is.

In none of these cases did I engage any further than "I'm fine, what're you looking at?"

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Captainpinkeye3@reddit

I wouldn't unload no, maybe just a "Ah I'm sound mate the mrs is just doing my fucking nut in" and then i'd probably strike up some other conversation with them if they were decent enough to ask in the first place they're probably sound and would help get my mind off it.

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Trancer79@reddit

I (45M) was on a break one sunny day between shopping deliveries, just stood looking over the side of a bridge in Otley, watching the water flowing by, people feeding ducks and having a peaceful moment. Next thing, a young girl, maybe 13 or 14 years old, stopped and asked me if everything was ok. It took me by surprise as I was away with the fairies so she asked again, saying I looked upset. I assured her I was fine, just a little tired after an early start and a busy shift, and thanked her for stopping to check on me.

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irishgollum@reddit

Fan dabby dozee

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unbanned_once_more@reddit

I’d offer a brief, mute stare.

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shaneo632@reddit

Unless I’m suicidal I’m probably just gonna pretend I’m ok

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Fancy-Diesel@reddit

No I never would. Trust nobody.

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reversedROBOT@reddit

Reply with "not bad, you?"

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simonannitsford@reddit

I'm fine, but thanks for asking

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Langeveldt@reddit

Just say, just had a tiff with my partner. If they want more they’ll ask and it’s up you to give any more.

Sometimes the BEST shoulder or advice is from someone totally neutral, a randomer.

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Musashi10000@reddit

"Be reet."

Nah, fr though, it would depend how I actually was, what exactly it was that was wrong (if anything) and how the stranger seemed.

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Apple_Coaly@reddit

i mean you can decide, they're offering after all

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seann__dj@reddit

I have no idea tbf.

Depends how I'm feeling and where I am etc.

If I felt a warm vibe coming from them I may talk to them abit more.

It's about impressions though and how comfortable I felt at the time.

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Indie611@reddit

"Yeah not bad, you?" Pretty much my stock answer to anyone who asks me, stranger or not. I could have just been told I've got 2 weeks to live and that would probably still be my answer. I'm not good at talking.

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MD564@reddit

The horrors persist but so do I

Then leave it at that.

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TheMagicTorch@reddit

Not bad mate, you?

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a_sword_and_an_oath@reddit

This is very context dependant. I meet someone and they ask "how are you?" Then they are getting a courtesy answer.

Someone sees me in the street and comes to ask me because they are concerned then they are getting an honest answer. (I can't imagine that happening as I generally I am ok).

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dazb84@reddit

I say I'll be asking the questions, Annie.

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decentlyfair@reddit

Not quite the same scenario but I had just came out of the vets after having my 14 year old dog put to sleep and I was sitting in my car sobbing. Someone knocked on the car window, handed me a can of coke, told me to drink it and not drive until I felt better. I will never forget the kindness of that person. I was parked opposite the vet practice so they probably guessed what had happened. I was grateful they didn’t ask if I was ok or what was wrong.

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New-Fondant-415@reddit

"not bad, you?" (whilst not giving a fuck how they were it's an automatic reply)

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becca413g@reddit

If I felt like I needed a chat I'd briefly say what was going on and then judge by their response if they wanted to discuss the matter further.

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Sufficient_Ebb_5020@reddit

Yeah, just having a rough day. Thanks for asking.

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GMKitty52@reddit

‘The polite answer or the truth?’

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jonathanquirk@reddit

"No, but thanks for asking."

I'm sick of lying by saying 'Fine', and I want to show my appreciation for someone actually speaking to me.

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Friendly_Stand_5138@reddit

“Yeah good mate, you?”

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four5six___@reddit

american here... took me forever to realize this was the correct response to that question.

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Friendly_Stand_5138@reddit

Haha yeah, I’m Northern and every bloke says it up here. Would obviously say somet slightly different if it was a woman asking me but yeah.

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bonkerz1888@reddit

"Och, one of those days pal.. missus is at it back home but I'll no bother you with the details"

Gives you the opportunity to possibly offload if you want to if they reply positively and ask you to go on, or they'll let you know they're not interested and you can go back to sulking.

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M0lko@reddit

It depends on the context and mood. I'd find it hard to walk past someone upset when prehaps a quick check in could make a difference. But asking to be prepared and accept whatever awnser they give be it 'leave me alone' to offloading.

When I was traveling in Cambodia alone a bad thing happened to me and I was sat on a bench not knowing what to do, no phone either.

A girl noticed and asked if I was OK and i explained. The girl actually took me for medical help where I received PEP treatment. Without their help, I could have contracted HIV. I will always remember that person's kindness with sincere gratitude for the rest of my life. She could have just walked past.

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MrFriendlyPlayZ@reddit

100% unload dude a problem shared is a problem halved and plus it’s likely you’ll never see them again so who cares what they think…

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PanzerPi@reddit

Living the dream, which wall know, translates as - Awaiting the sweet release of death.

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Happy_fairy89@reddit

If they ask, I’ll offer it. “Had a shit day, but don’t worry, I’ll be alright.” If they want to know based on that I’ll tell them everything. Then apologise for oversharing and then suddenly I have a new friend and I end up listening to their problems !

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darcsend_eu@reddit

For 100 times I've been asked and not needed it, there have been times I wished somebody asked.

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EatingCoooolo@reddit

I would’ve said “no, I’m not okay. I just need to blow off some steam”

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fillyourguts@reddit

Ask them if they’re a doctor, if they say no, tell them to fuck off!

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Pi-creature@reddit

When I ask, it's genuine.

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Similar_Coyote1104@reddit

Meh I’d have talked about it, carefully avoiding the urge to TMI

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made_from_toffee@reddit

I would say I’m alright even if my life was a bin fire

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Particular-Row5678@reddit

"Rough day. Worse things happen at sea"

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dinkidoo7693@reddit

Loads of people do offload. Its nice to get an outsider’s opinion sometimes. Sometimes i want/need a chat and sometimes I don’t.

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Practical_Page_3790@reddit

Sometimes it’s good to have someone listen. It’s lovely when people ask.

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Mistigeblou@reddit

Depends. If I'm actually OK and just have a case of resting pitch face then 'I'm good, RBF syndrome. What 'bout you? If I'm shitty 'could be better but it's a long story'

I have offloaded to a complete stranger before over a couple of coffees. it was good, like a genuine good feeling because at home there's only 3 autistic kids and myself

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nectarine_serene@reddit

I was crying by Regents Canal once, I had sunglasses on and thought I hid it well. Turns out I didn't. A stranger with a group of friends gave a Mars ice cream from a box he was sharing with friends. He said 'got you fam' after.

Honestly, I still think of that memory and the kindness of strangers. Sometimes people want to help, some people would rather help others than deal with their own issues.

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Obvious_Flamingo3@reddit

That’s a good advert idea

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ledow@reddit

Not too bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7d79Knc8p4

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bahumat42@reddit

It really depends on my mood, if I'm genuinely ok I'd say that. If im a little exhausted or down I would probably lie, and if I was dangerously depressed I would again be truthful.

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Delicious-Cut-7911@reddit

No. They were just being polite and my private life is my own business.

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rayreaper@reddit

Living the dream.

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TheNinjaPixie@reddit

Yer man is offering an interaction. If you want to reply you can. If not you don't have to.

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Robmeu@reddit

I would be incredibly touched if someone was concerned about my welfare on seeing me distressed. How much I would or wouldn’t say would depend on what had caused it to be honest, but I know there are times when I’ve been down enough to completely offload.

If I was concerned for someone I couldn’t not say anything, and if they needed to offload then fine. This is my partners doing to be fair, she is the sort of person people can’t help but offload to!

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Original_Bad_3416@reddit

I would offload, not OTT but mention my partner is a lemon.

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BlackJackKetchum@reddit

Context is everything - in particular the age, sex and state of intoxication of your questioner.

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Artistic_Data9398@reddit

The British don't trauma dump unless their retired. Connecting with strangers is almost impossible outside of a grouped activity,

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gstringflossing@reddit

Just say you've been better but I'm good thank you for asking, how's your day, might end up turning in to a nice evening.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

Something like "sorry, I'm having a bit of a day. Thanks for asking". Probably not those words, but something that doesn't offload anything but lets them know I appreciate their kindness in asking.

Unless it was something they could actually help with, like I'd lost my phone or something, I wouldn't want to share why I was upset with a stranger.

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MammyofHim@reddit

This, absolutely.

I was wandering around town on Saturday night, sobbing my heart out, after a break up. One woman did approach me to ask if I was okay. I was pretty honest (as it was clear I wasn't okay) and she asked if I wanted her to wait for a taxi with me. I expressed how thankful I was for her care and concern, it makes a world of difference.

Anything from "I'm having a shit day" to "just had a tiff with my partner" is fine. I wouldn't offload any more than that.

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Lazy_Industry_6309@reddit

I'm fine thanks.

Then try to avoid eye contact as it's weird to ask randomers like that.

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BanditKing99@reddit

Just say I’m ok thanks, end of that conversation

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Individual-Titty780@reddit

Nope, never and I would also keep my drink covered...

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

Also a good call

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DameKumquat@reddit

If I feel like talking, I will talk to them. If I'm not OK I might say I just need some time alone. Or I might blurt out all my problems.

There was a very sweet ticket guy on a train a couple years ago who asked if I was OK and could he help. I explained how my beloved MIL had terminal cancer which had just been explained to her and FIL, and cried a lot. Poor lad was about 19 and overwhelmed, but he got me some tissues and undercharged me for my ticket, which was a very kind gesture.

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Durzo_Blintt@reddit

"yeah not bad" or "been better but I'm alright". It depends how they asked me.

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

I agree with you.

This was “ ere love, you alright?” With a gaggle of people behind them that who then looked over waiting for a response.

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Professional_Pace928@reddit

Whenever I am asked "How are you " or "Are you O.K " my reply is always "Never better " This has been the case for the last 50 years.

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FstMario@reddit

I mean just a "y'alright" is a regular british greeting as you know

Probably wouldn't just said "been better" or something along those lines. Maybe it could've opened up a discussion with the person and you get a mate from it, no real downside there. Ofc don't just offload everything onto them

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

I feel like being British it’s hard to be honest when things aren’t great. We don’t talk about things like that so it just comes out in word vomit.

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_tym@reddit

I was sat at a bar in Singapore once, lovely evening out, 9pm, t-shirt weather. Turned to the lady sat next to me, asked if she was alright and she proceeded to tell me she had terminal cancer, the NHS (Aussie equivalent) refused to treat her so she was doing a hail Mary clinical trial treatment, in great detail, for about 25 minutes.

I kinda assumed she'd just say "yeah fine, you?"

But we had a nice chat.

This was 6 years ago, wonder if it worked...

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PumpkinsVSfrogs@reddit (OP)

I hope it did.

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roadsodaa@reddit

Depend really. The general consensus is that people don’t want to unload things, but that’s part of the problem. People don’t talk enough these days.

A 5 minute chat about what’s bothering you, is going to make you bond a lot more with someone than 30 minutes of chatting shit about random stuff. If I’m asking someone’s what’s wrong, or if they’re okay, it’s because I can tell somethings on their mind and I want them to talk about it.

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Andi_Lou_Who@reddit

Depends if you want to or not. I think if someone can see you’re visibly upset and they ask you if you’re okay, then they genuinely do care and want to know.

You mentioned in a comment they were drunk, some of the nicest support I’ve ever had was from drunk women in the bathroom lol.

But ultimately it’s what you want to do and if you feel comfortable. You don’t have to offload but you can always give a brief description of what’s happened and then see what their response is like and if they offer to listen and you want to get things off your chest, then go ahead :)

PS. Hope you’re okay, OP

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Timely_Egg_6827@reddit

They don't want you to unload. They want to know if you need help. Generally would just say "Not the greatest day but I'm fine for the moment. Thank you".

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Appropriate-West2310@reddit

It's very reasonable for someone to ask. And if you are in a desperate situation where you need help, it's ok to share that too. If it's something you would rather work out for yourself then say so.

The kindness of strangers has often helped people in terrible situations and I'm of a view that the world is a better place if we try to care a little for each other.

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ReporterOk4531@reddit

I wouldn't really provide any details on the situation but I don't mind sharing that I am feeling a bit stressed and am trying to unwind. But it also depends on what type of person it is, if I feel like they are going to be annoying I won't say that much.

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PKblaze@reddit

Usually "I'm good"

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heliskinki@reddit

I'd thank them for checking in, but wouldn't unload on a stranger.

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TheDettiEskimo@reddit

Was at the train station the other day. Sitting on a bench. A young couple (18/19) behind me were having one of those hushed Barneys, but it was quite aggressive. He was a gaslighting cunt and demeaning her. I didn't know what to do, he "stormed" off and went and sat on the stairs a fair bit away.

I looked over at another girl/woman who like me had been watching and listening. I indicated for her to go over and say something as I didn't feel it was my place or a guy talking to his girl would help her situation.

Anyway, she asked how she was and the girl unloaded and it seemed to help and the girl sat with her until her train came.

So Yeah, I imagine if I saw something like that where I had witnessed the argument or some such the "How are you?" Or "are you okay" would mean more than the usual casual one we all use.

That said, are you ok? Feel free to offload!

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saltyholty@reddit

Depends how spikey I'm feeling.

Anywhere from "yeah, you alright?" to "no, not really mate, but I'll spare you the details."

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agentrossi176@reddit

In my local, I'd probably have half an idea who they were or at least who they knock about with, so would very much depend on the outcome of the 'is this person a good idea to chat to' decision tree + whether I really want to talk about it.

I certainly have answered that question honestly in the past and made some really great friendships as a result

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