5 hot, crazy tips to impress your date

Posted by you_wizard@reddit | CrazyIdeas | View on Reddit | 8 comments

Secretly live in their crawlspace for 3 months leading up to the date. You'll know all of their favorite smells.
Crash into the guardrail. Show them you have the hardiness and fortitude to survive a car crash, and the wherewithal to call 911 afterward. Reliable!
During the date, decide on a spirit cereal mascot for them and commune with that cereal mascot on the astral plane using a Ouija board. Spooky!
Call their dad in prison.
Tell them about your points system. 5 points is a slap and a tickle, 24 points gets them a keychain, and 158 points is a big ol' smooch, you romantic.

Feel free to share your own tips and tricks to impress.

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Chicxulub420@reddit

Hahahaha random = funny guys. Get it?? It's so random!! Hahaha!

wiccangame@reddit

Wow. New red flags. Thanks everyone!

Konklar@reddit

Get a large portrait tattoo of her on your chest before the first date to demonstrate initiative.

mailmanjohn@reddit

Base it on the doctored online profile photo, that way if they get suspicious you will have plausible deniability.

If it actually looks like them IRL, but they find it creepy simply say it’s a deceased family member and you are just as shocked as them at the similarities.

TR3BPilot@reddit

This is good, because I see a lot of women complain that men "don't make an effort" anymore. This is definitely making an effort.

SteelWheel_8609@reddit

Fill a small flask with your spit over a period of a month. Upon arriving to the date, pull the flask out and say ‘wanna swap spit?’ 😉

you_wizard@reddit (OP)

I hate that I read this

LastPlaceStar@reddit

This is r/crazyideas not r/commonsense.