About 4 years ago, I was asked to be the best man at my best friend's wedding. The wedding is still a couple of years away, but I no longer feel like I'm his best friend and if he had waited until now to ask, he'd ask someone else. What would you do in my situation?

Posted by strugglingnewdad@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 108 comments

Names have obviously been changed.

I have known X for about 15 years and we have been very close over this time. He has been through a lot and I've been there to support him throughout. I won't get into specifics but he's suffered more tragedy than most. He's also been very good friends with Y, but Y didn't see him as often as I did. I am also very good friends with Y.

About 4 years ago, X asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I was very honoured to be asked. Then, obviously covid happened and some more personal tragedies. The wedding is now planned for 2026. In this space of a few years, X has become much closer with Y. There are various factors for this - we haven't had a fall out or argument or anything like that. Just their personal circumstances changed and now they see each other a lot more.

When we hang out as a three, it seems pretty obvious to me that X and Y are now much closer than I am with X. X always goes to Y for advice and support etc. When the topic of the wedding comes up amongst other friends, they always seem shocked that I am the best man. I can't help but feel that if he had waited until this point to ask, he would ask Y.

Again, we haven't had any fallout or argument or anything like that. We are still very good friends who speak and hang out fairly often. It's just that due to their circumstances changing, X and Y inevitably spend a lot more time together.

I wonder if I should check in with X to see if he wants to change his mind. Currently, I feel like a bit of an imposter. I'd be pretty gutted if he did, but I also don't want to be his best man out of guilt. I also don't want to offend X though, as I worry he might take it personally and be upset if I've misread the situation. What would you do?

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minisrugbycoach@reddit

I love the fact you felt the need to start with "names have been changed"

Then proceed to refer to everyone as X and Y.

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Horror_Barracuda_562@reddit

It’s so we don’t think he’s talking about Elon Musk’s children

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minisrugbycoach@reddit

Don't be silly, Musk kids ain't allowed friends, that distracts from the hustle don't you know...

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CluelessEngineer82@reddit

This exactly happened to me (take with a grain of salt; I’m an American). Here’s how I handled it.

“I absolutely will be there for you! Are you sure YOU want that? It seems that you’ve grown very close with Y. This is YOUR day. I will support you however you need me to. I’m happy to be your best man. I’m happy to be a groomsman. I’m happy to be on the ‘grooms side’. If I’m not invited I will eat your firstborn, I’m supporting you whether you want it or not.”

He laughed, thanked me, and reassured me that he wanted me to be his best man. He jokingly said that he knew I’d throw a better bachelor party.

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Pedantichrist@reddit

You could suggest sharing the role. That way you are happy, they are happy, and nobody feels rejected.

If my best man suggested I use someone else then I would be upset, I think.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

Sharing the role isn't something I'd considered but it seems like a pretty good middle ground.

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Training-Zombie-3591@reddit

My Aussie cousin had 4 Groomsmen. This seemed like a very sensible way to avoid excluding any of his close buddies.

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theinspectorst@reddit

I know plenty of guys who have had two (or in one case more!) best men. Often they've been friends from different points in his life - like a schoolfriend and a friend from university. It's always seemed to work really well.

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lavenderrabe@reddit

My brother had two best men, they gave a speech together and it was fantastic

I think literally the only "issue" was an unbalanced top table, but that's hardly an issue lol

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IHaveAWittyUsername@reddit

So I had a somewhat similar situation to you. I was friends with someone who dated a coworker who I'd occasionally grab drinks with. During Covid he ended up going to prison and I checked in on his fiance and newborn child every so often but wasn't massively close to him. He had a childhood friend who was socially awkward but they were very close to each other.

After he came out of prison he asked me to be his co-bestman. I accepted but instantly felt a bit unsure as I didn't know him that well and thought like I was taking the "full" role from his childhood friend. So we grabbed a drink and I basically explained that I was flattered and would love to be a groomsman but felt like his mate would be better placed to do the full honours. He shot me down very quickly: he said "mate, I love my friend but he's told me he wouldn't be able to do a best man speech and he'll struggle - you're helping me and him out here" so I went with it. Really enjoyed myself, did a good speech, had a great time at the wedding...and became much closer to the groom since.

If your friend doesn't want you to be the best man he'd tell you. Have that conversation but don't be surprised to be knocked back.

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shakycrae@reddit

I had two best men. It's increasingly common. I would say it worked fine, as long as the two best men both take responsibility together and don't leave it to the other.

One of those best men had a wedding a couple of years later. He asked three people, one of whom had moved to a different country and another he had asked many months before me.

I'd actually fallen out with this friend but tried to heal things. We clearly weren't the friends we had used to be and I wasn't planning on making any effort to continue being friends before he asked me to be best man. I ended up organising a stag do, doing the best man thing at that wedding and never saw him again. The way he treated me when asking me and even as I was best man was less than ideal.

I felt guilty for a long time. I was a key part of his wedding and yet we never spoke again. We just drifted. He made no effort and I was tired or making all the effort to be friends. Weddings are about opening a new chapter with the people who will be with you in the next stage of life but it felt like we closed one.

I don't think your situation sounds the same, and is more positive. You are still friends and if you want to stay friends then it would be good to stay involved in the wedding. Perhaps you can talk to him about whether he wants an additional best man with your other friend.

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LokoloMSE@reddit

If it helps, I had two best men. Slightly different in that they are both good friends with each other anyway, but one was my oldest friend and the other was my closest friend.

Both have played massive roles in my life. I have known them for 25+ years. I would always choose both even though I am much closer to one than the other. They both played different roles in the wedding.

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Fit_Lifeguard_3722@reddit

Try being the ring bearer instead. More seriously, say you will be the back-up instead.

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seamus_park@reddit

FWIW, my wife had two Maids of Honour and they loved having the support of each other for any of the planning they had and of course the speech. In fact I've been to two weddings this year where there were shared duties in this kind of role, so it's definitely more commonplace.

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WrestlingFan95@reddit

Why would OP want to be best man? It’s meaningless being best man bluntly. Let the groom have the other guy be best man and OP can go have a good time and not have to bother with any of the best man stuff.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

I think it's an honour to be asked, I cherish our friendship and it would mean a lot to me to be at his side on the day, and to organise a great, fun day out for us and our other friends.

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WrestlingFan95@reddit

Which is great. However, the other friend should be the best man probably. Are you single? If so, you not being best man gives you a great chance to hit on the women at the wedding 😃

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Sixforsilver7for@reddit

I think this would be a great thing to say to him and then add on that you've noticed him and Y have grown increasingly close since he asked you and you would not be offended if he wanted you to share the honour with him.

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811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit

FYI - the best man doesn't also have to be the only one planning the stag do.

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pinnnsfittts@reddit

I would def do this, just say "hey do you think it would be cool to have Y as best man too?"

I had two best men, any every time I've been best man it's been shared with someone else. It really lightens the load. It'd be a massive ballache to do alone.

It'd also probs bring you all closer too.

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gameofgroans_@reddit

Was gonna say the same. Being best man/maid of honour is a big role and sharing it would probably be nicer for both of you.

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Daydreamer-247@reddit

OP has it ever occurred to you, that you have qualities that his other friends don’t have?. Speaking from experience, just because I see someone a lot or seem close to them…..doesn’t mean I would pick them to handle the important moments of my life, perhaps despite Y being a fun mate he’s not very organised, he’s not totally reliable, he’s not good at speaking in a crowd, he doesn’t know what can and can’t be said and may embarrass X on his big day. Maybe X picked you as his best man because you have the character of a person that makes him proud to say you’re his best man.

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emmaa5382@reddit

Are you worried about who the best man should be or are you sad about the friendship and want to do something drastic to express that feeling? If you feel the distance is mutual then maybe mention it. If you want to improve the relationship tell him and improve it

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Repulsive-Echidna-74@reddit

Stick with it but throw in loads of jokes about X and Y having an affair

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Happiest_Mango24@reddit

Imagine if it turned out to be true and in a few years, it appears on one of those "worst wedding you've ever been to" questions lol

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georgiebb@reddit

People have already made some great success on what to say if you do decide to broach it with him. But I just went to add that recording a desire to still be a groomsman might might the conversation easier

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ShockRampage@reddit

I've been in this exact situation, talk to your friend and be honest. He will understand.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

Thank you. How did it go?

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ShockRampage@reddit

Really well, I took him for a pint at the pub, and said that I felt another friend who he was closer with would be a better choice - he felt a bit bad as he had asked me and I had said yes, and I felt bad too - but I just said to him "if you were going to ask someone today, who would you ask?" - and we both agreed it was the best choice. I emphasised that it was important that of all people, HE was happy with who was going to be his best man.

The other friend in question was my flatmate at the time, and it all went well.

I obviously also said I was more than happy to still be a groomsman if I was wanted, which is what happened in the end.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

Thank you.

"if you were going to ask someone today, who would you ask?"

That's a really good line.

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Tiredchimp2002@reddit

Tell him if he wants to chose someone else it’s cool.

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r-nicola@reddit

I probably wouldn’t say anything about it - 2026 is still a long time away, so they might not even be that close by then again, and if you’re still close friends I really doubt that X is regretting it. If I were you I would just continue being the best friend you can be. Like someone else said, best man is not necessarily best friend at the time - it’s often someone who’s been close for a long time, who you know you can rely on and are sure you’ll be friends with for years to come.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

I think they'll definitely still be close in 2026. They've been pretty close this whole time, it's just that more recently they've been spending much more time together.

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AlmightyRobert@reddit

It’s been so long, the couple may not even be close by 2026. Problem solved.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

They have a child and house together so it'd be a major shock if they weren't.

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Pattoe89@reddit

They have a child and house together so it'd be a major shock if they weren't.

I dunno. I'm pretty bad at telling when people are into me. I wouldn't be sure if having a child with someone and living with them meant they liked me. Maybe they're just being polite?

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UriGagarin@reddit

Didn't have a best man ,didn't have a stag/buck/whatever do. Honestly it was the best thing ever. No pressure, no stupid night out.

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Top-End2624@reddit

This happened to me few years ago, I politley messaged him and said "I dont feel comfortable being your best man anymore due to X Y Z" he understood but the friendship fizzled out and havent seen him since the wedding day.

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Nok1a_@reddit

Been honest, talk with the guy and tell him, I dont feel Im anymore your best man, and it's ok to change your mind. what else you could do? if that's how you feel and see it, he might think in the same way but dont want to fck it up telling you what he thinks

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JimmyTheDog@reddit

Show him this post, you have explained yourself very well.

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pikantnasuka@reddit

You come across as such a lovely man and a genuine friend. Whatever you decide to do and whatever the outcome is, it will be OK, and you will remain a very decent person who is clearly a very good friend to others.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

Thank you so much, that was a lovely response to read :)

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manufan1992@reddit

Best man isn’t just ‘best friend’. It’s much, much more than that. Be the best Best Man you can be.

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Frosty_Pepper1609@reddit

Budweiser presents, Real Men of Genius.

Real Men of Genius

Today we salute you, Mr. Best Man that isn't the Best Friend

Mr. Best Man that isn't the Best Friend

You refuse to talk to your best friend

Just like any typical redditor

OH REDDITOR!

But you be the best man that you can be!

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AnonymousTimewaster@reddit

What the fuck are you talking about

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TomorrowElegant7919@reddit

Can I just add... the mere fact you're thinking/asking this, probably shows why he wanted (wants) you as his best man...

It's what a true friend would do.
It probably feels normal to you, but not many would think about this, so genuinely pat yourself on the back, you're a good friend!

(For what it's worth, I agree with the suggestion just to say "I'm honoured to be your best man, but you've noticed he's become great friends with Y and if you wanted him to be your best man you'd completely understand." I wouldn't suggest any specific setups (sharing etc) as it needs to be his choice, you just want to let him know it's ok with you whatever he does)

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say!

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SpamJavelin00@reddit

He asked you to be best man SIX years before the service ? Just for that I would have cut him off there and then. That’s psychopathic

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

As I said in the post, covid and some pretty extreme personal tragedies postponed things by a lot.

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mebutnew@reddit

6 years?? That's the least committed committment I've seen.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

The couple have suffered some pretty extreme tragedies that postponed things by a lot. They did also have an earlier date booked but it was cancelled due to covid.

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NuclearMaterial@reddit

Ikr? I was like "wtf is that timeline" as soon as I read it. Shit, one or more of the wedding party could be dead by then it's so far away.

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maccon25@reddit

what your friends aren’t called X and Y? thanks for clarifying

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

I put the disclaimer at the top because I couldn't be bothered reading a ton of hilarious people making jokes about how odd or unusual 'X' and 'Y' were for names.

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maccon25@reddit

hahah you can’t win it seems

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Intruder313@reddit

I’d talk to him and I’m sure all will be well.

I sort of had the opposite in that my oldest friend had someone else as his best man - I got it because for his years in Uni and beyond he was close to this guy who also knew his wife etc different town and circle then

He spent the whole wedding party apologising and explaining it to me while I said ‘don’t worry I understand’

He’s basically never seen that Best Man since while I’m still in frequent contact haha

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Giddyup_1998@reddit

If X didn't want you as a best man at his wedding, I'm sure he would say something. Honestly, you're reading too much into it.

Or, if you can't sleep at night, say something to him. It's not hard.

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Polvo_Verde@reddit

Don't fret, that bozo's never getting married

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georgehitsdrums@reddit

No advice, but I just loved that you said “names changed for obvious reasons”… and proceeded to call them X and Y 😂

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Twacey84@reddit

Best friendship is more about the longevity than the current flavour of the month. I wouldn’t worry.

I have 2 people I consider to be my best friends. One I have been friends with since nursery school (age 3) and the other since high school (age 11). Neither live near me anymore. One lives in an entirely different continent. So while I love them both unconditionally and will always consider them best friends for day to day things currently happening we lean more on other people. This may appear that I am closer to these other people but it’s not the case. For something like a wedding I would absolutely be asking one of my oldest friends to step in if they’re able to.

You’re still close/best friends and he likely loves and appreciates the long time support you have given him over the years.

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northlondonhippy@reddit

Controversial take? Speak to Y first, see if you can confirm your view, and see if he is down with the switch

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venuswasaflytrap@reddit

It's his call of course.

But I defer to Disney's Recess

https://youtu.be/EG_7yssw_3E?t=512

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TheYorkshireLife@reddit

Bro, you’re both dudes and good friends, just go see him and be honest with him, you’re not going to fall out with him for going “oh yes I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset you mate” and he’s not going to be upset with you for being extra considerate to him even if he still wants you as his best man

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geoffs3310@reddit

How has it taken 6 years to go from proposal to marriage?!

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

Covid and some pretty extreme personal tragedies.

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Pupster1@reddit

I think you don’t say anything. You’re an old friend and he has chosen you. This is just one of those things, if he feels strongly enough he can come to you and say he wants to have two best men, or demote you to groomsman or whatever - but this is just the natural consequence for him of choosing a best man 6 years before the wedding date. You going to him with the proposal of stepping down just makes you seem a bit weird and jealous of Y. It’s not your place. The world won’t end if he doesn’t have current bestie as “best man”. He can have him as a groomsman and you can be “oldest friend” best man. All reasonable choices.

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Painal-Performer-69@reddit

Wait until he next speaks with you then say, time has passed, your friendship has changed and perhaps their someone who is better placed to be best man.

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JoelMahon@reddit

"Hey man, we've drifted apart over the last couple years since agreeing to be your best man, no hard feelings if you want to choose someone else. But if you don't that's also cool, I'm happy to be your best man still but figured it was only fair to give you an out"

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ExcellentPut191@reddit

Maybe just wait it out, you say the wedding is in 2026. Perhaps things will still change between now and then in terms of friendships, closeness, etc.

If you still feel bad in 2025 when wedding plans start coming into effect, you could suggest both you and Y being joint best men (as another commenter suggested). And could even go further as to offer to step down as best man, if it really feels like what X wants.

But I'd say for now just don't worry about it, that's my 2 cents. You're not an imposter you still have been a good friend to X with a long history, doesn't matter what people think.

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blackcurrantcat@reddit

Yeah, ask him. He only (in theory) gets one wedding and he’d want it to be how he’d want it. Maybe he doesn’t know how to bring it up with you.

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Turtle2727@reddit

Don't suggest it, just let him know you won't be upset and would understand if he chose to. He might consider you a closer friend than you think. I did the opposite of your friend and didn't ask my best man until quite close to the wedding he lives about three hours away and we don't see each other as often as I see our other friends who live in the same city as me, but he's still my best man.

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luffychan13@reddit

Redditors really will do anything but talk to the person their issue is with

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

I understand the sentiment of the awkward Redditor avoiding simple communication, but I really don't think it's the case in this instance. It's a bit more of a delicate situation than you often see posted.

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luffychan13@reddit

It's really not, you're just building it up in your head.

"Hey I know we haven't been hanging out as much lately and I feel we've grown a bit distant as a result. I know you've been closer with (other person) and they've been there for you a lot, so I just wanted to see how you felt about me still being your best man.

Ofcourse I'd love to still do it, but it's your day and I want you to know I would understand if some things have changed and would be happy to step back if you wanted (other person) to be up there with you."

The only person that's going to be upset really is you, but you've admitted you're not really there much anymore.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

but you've admitted you're not really there much anymore.

I didn't say that at all, though. I said we still talk and hang out fairly often and that we haven't had any sort of fall out or argument. X and Y just inevitably spend more time together now. I'm being cagey with details because I don't want this post to be identifiable, but I'd liken it to them becoming neighbours. I still see and speak to X as much as I used to, but when X and Y can essentially talk to each other over the garden fence, they inevitably end up spending a lot more time together.

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KoorbB@reddit

Why can’t you talk to him and feel out of he’s thinking the same? If he’s not, great crack on as is. If he is, it’l be an easy conversation if have thought.

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TinyHovercraft8670@reddit

I think the suggestions about sharing the role are sensible. You can broach it sensibly and sensitively. Also you could stay a groomsman. Ultimately groomsmen and best men do the same thing, just traditionally one makes the speech. You still get to stand next to him on the day, and also help out.

On the flip side of that, it may be why he prefers you to be best man. When my brother got married, he had our other brother as his best man, and his two childhood friends as groomsman. The deciding factor was that he trusted our brother to organise a more sensible stag do and make a more sensible speech, and knew that our brother wouldn't be drunk by speech time! Those were not guaranteed factors for his friends. People forget that the wedding party is not just about close friendships - you do need people who are willing to step up and be useful on the day/wedding preparations.

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CaersethVarax@reddit

I went a friend's wedding where he said to me "You really should be part of the Groom's party, but when I was asking we weren't as close. I didn't want to offend anyone by asking them to drop out".

That hurt me as I was feeling like I'd been passed over but it was also something that could have been sorted months before.

What I'm saying is, your friend may already be thinking this. Approach and share you feelings. A lot happens in 6 years. You sounds pretty sanguine about it, too.

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cardiffman100@reddit

Not sure why anyone would have needed to drop out, you could just have been added to the group, lol

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CaersethVarax@reddit

Yeah... I asked the same. We don't talk anymore.

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cardiffman100@reddit

Sounds like you just don't want to be his best man, in which case just tell him that and deal with whatever fallout comes. But if you do want to be best man, just ask him if there's anything he wants you to organise in your role as best man, like the stag do - you'll need to contact all the people he wants to invite, figure out what's affordable for the majority, book venues, travel, accommodation etc, so you need to get planning as early as possible. If he doesn't want you to be best man that's when he'll tell you.

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

Sounds like you just don't want to be his best man

That's honestly not the case at all. I'd be pretty devestated if he changed his mind but at the moment, I feel a bit like I'm on the best man out of obligation rather than what his current day choice would be.

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dazed1984@reddit

Do you know if Y has any role in the wedding?

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strugglingnewdad@reddit (OP)

He's a groomsman.

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knight-under-stars@reddit

Speaking to him seems to be the decent and obvious thing to do. Explain the situation as you have in your post and offer to step down in favour of the new guy.

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Asaxii@reddit

This. Honestly you could just show X this post and he’ll probably understand your viewpoint.

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Prior_echoes_@reddit

Honestly just be open about it.

"Hey X, I love you man and I'm honoured to be your best man.

But I know you and Y have gotten a lot closer these last few years, I don't want to take anything away from your wedding so I wouldn't take offense if you wanted to promote Y to best man - or perhaps we could be joint? Whatever you want man it's your wedding and I'm here for you"

That said, if it really would upset you maybe don't say it won't upset you 😆

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Opening-Abrocoma4210@reddit

Have the conversation as you’ve had here

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BigGrinJesus@reddit

"Hey mate, I've noticed you've become closer to Y during the years since your engagement. I want to let you know that I wouldn't be offended if you now think it would be more appropriate for him to be your best man. If I'm reading the room wrong though, I'd still love the job!"

This one is best said in person.

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HardAtWorkISwear@reddit

This feels like the kind of situation where open communication is really the only way to go about it. As long as you frame it right, there shouldn't be an issue. You've known this guy for years, you know better than anyone on here how to talk to him about something like this.

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ChristinaTinaTamarin@reddit

Don’t underestimate the value of being an old friend. There’s something very special about sharing a history with someone even if you aren’t the closest person in their life right now. You’re like family and that doesn’t change even if you don’t see each other as much any more.

Perhaps suggest that the other friend may like to be a joint best man. Or suggest that they also give a speech as well as you.

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CalCapital@reddit

I would offer up and say to him that you understand he made the decision a while ago and there’s no hard feelings if he goes with someone else

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Affectionate_Hour867@reddit

Offer a sacrificial lamb just to make sure you don’t offend our one true overlord and dark ruler Satan.

Na just talk to your friend!

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Specific_Till_6870@reddit

Just ask him if he still wants you to do it. If he asks why just say that he seems really close to Y, not that you and he seem to have drifted apart. Even say "I'm just checking be cause I was going to start sorting things out." If you don't want to do it any more, I honestly don't know.

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ruggpea@reddit

Time to communicate!

Mentioned you’re grateful he chose you to be best man but if wants to choose someone else instead as it’s been a couple years, you completely understand and stress there’ll be no hard feelings.

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redditwhut@reddit

You’ve been their solid friend for 15 years, whereas X and Y have only been close for 4. You know X’s history. Their triumphs. Their failures. You are the best man, from that perspective.

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Adventurous_Toe_1686@reddit

“Hey X, I know you spend a lot of time with Y and it’s obvious you’re good friends. Are you still happy for me to be best man or did you want to give Y the opportunity? I’ll still love you whatever you decide bro, and I am ofc still happy to be Best Man if that’s what you want”.

You’ve got no idea what X is thinking, just ask him…

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DispensingMachine403@reddit

My son married early September. He couldn't choose between his lifelong best friend and his 'I see you as the big brother I never had' friend since adulthood . He had both as his best man.

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boredmoonface@reddit

Suggest that you both be a best man. You can have more than one

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ChadHogan_@reddit

Its a tough one for you, really you have 2 options I’d say: option 1: you ask the groom but frame it as a ‘I’d be delighted to be your best man, just double checking you’re sure you still want me to be’ and option 2 being that you ignore it and wait for the groom to say something, if he will at all that is.

As somebody who recently got married there’s no way that the groom has forgot he asked you. Unless he was steaming/on gear when he did it that is 😂

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Tim-Sanchez@reddit

I wouldn't bring it up, I think it's impossible for you to bring up without essentially implying that you don't think you should be Best Man. That puts him in an awkward position if he still really wanted you to be Best Man.

It's not like you're no longer friends, if you still speak and hang out with him often then I don't think it's that awkward. You've known him for 15 years, he may value that more than a recent close friend. If he brings it up then reassure him he can change his mind, but if he doesn't bring it up or even hint about it, I wouldn't do it yourself.

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RainbowPenguin1000@reddit

Tell him. It’s best to be honest.

He will either say you’re still the guy and not to worry about it or he will thank you for being so open with him and accepting that someone else may be a better choice. Either way you have your answer and these feelings go away.

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RaymondBumcheese@reddit

I had a similar thing. Because I'm awkward, I said that I was so busy with work I couldn't commit to best man duties and it would probably be best to bust me down to groomsman.

I think we both knew what the deal was but it gives both of you an out if you need it.

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811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit

I would talk to X.

You can frame it around "It's been a while since you asked me, and whilst I'd still be happy and honoured to be your best man at your wedding, you might want to consider that you are closer to Y and have been for a while. I'd fully understand if you changed your mind and would stand by whatever decision you made - I won't be upset if you wanted to change things."

Or something to that effect.

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