What does the American flag mean to you?

I can't explain it. It's very emotional for me. I understand (intellectually) that's silly, but my emotions say differently. I never had a home as a child, metaphorically or physically. My dad was special operations in the military, and we'd often go several years with no contact from him (at all). Many times, he'd be gone for a year, come back for a week, then leave again for 4 months, and on and on. I rarely knew what country he was in, or even what continent. My mother was/is a histrionic narcissist that pitted me and my siblings against each other. My parents had no relationship with their families, thus neither did we. My mother was "the crazy dependapotamous," and drove away any long-term family friends we might have had. We moved every year or two and I went to 12 different schools. The American flag gave me a sense of security during a very unstable time. Military bases are all the same, whether in Florida, New Mexico, Germany, or Japan. You know what to expect, you know where to go, you know who to talk to. For me, when I see the American flag, particularly during some patriotic moment such as the national anthem, it brings up a lot of emotions. I remember seeing the air show crash at Ramstein Air Base. I remember having to wear gas masks because of Chernobyl. I remember our base absolutely covered in yellow ribbons when a plane was lost, and I remember helping our neighbor pack their home a month later because they were forced out of base housing. I remember entire summers when no men were on base at all, and the kids all had to do "dad jobs" like yardwork, vehicle maintenance, home repairs, etc. I remember thinking (quite extreme) physical domestic violence was the norm and believing that the wives "likely deserved it" for one ridiculous reason or another. I remember having the absolute coolest 4th of July celebrations, and nobody cared that half the guests spoke no English and weren't American. I think about how I was raised on a Ground Zero test site for Agent Orange, which is the most likely reason I, my siblings, my kids, and my nieces all have neurological diseases. I think about the one and only time I ever saw my dad cry, which was when he told me about the first time he left the country - at 19 - when he had to help clean up the Jonestown Massacre. I'm not sure if he was crying for the people or for his inner child, or both. For me, the flag is both a symbol of stability and dysfunction all at once. It's interesting because my kids detest the flag and find it embarrassing. To them, the flag is just a sign of oppression, capitalism, and racism. I'm grateful my kids had/have a stable home and don't need to find comfort in some ridiculous symbol that causes pain to so many others.