How to prevent frustration from work spilling over to side projects?
Posted by levelworm@reddit | ExperiencedDevs | View on Reddit | 29 comments
Hi friends. 7 years of exp in data. I have burnt out myself in professional work but would like to stay on top of my side projects (some sys programming toy projects).
If you have been in the same situation, how did you manage to mentally shield yourself from the professional part of the frustration?
Some solutions I tried but didn't work very well:
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Exercising: Been doing that for more than 6 months, not much effects.
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Stop doing side projects and see if I recover: I didn't. My last major commit was about 3-4 months ago.
Thanks in advance.
PragmaticBoredom@reddit
If your work is programming and you’re burnt out on work, the last thing you should be doing in your free time is sitting in front of a computer doing more programming work.
If you continue trying to make your side projects into a grind that must continue despite your brain telling you to stop, you’re going to come to hate the side projects too.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks! I also tried Math and Physics but my head hurts after a while. I guess that's the same reason.
Damn looks like I'm done.
Northbank75@reddit
You need to look up Breaking Bad or ... literally anything that gets you away from a keyboard. Walk a dog, go for a swim, do some work in the garage .....
You can't force yourself back into the zone, you need a break.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Yeah I'm hiking and a bit of other things. I don't really love anything that is not before a computer or doesn't use the left side of the brain. But I do think what you said is true, maybe I should just give up to reality and find something else.
Maybe I'll try music and drawing. Not super interested but maybe I can do some.
Northbank75@reddit
I honestly used to be the same way, I’d work all day and then wind up coding or gaming at night. I’m not sure how I got there but the ‘I love coding and want to build things’ is channelled entirely at work, and when I leave i have to work very hard to consciously and even subconsciously switch off …. I’ll wake up at 3am and suddenly know why something isn’t working …. But really for the most part I switch off at 3pm when I shut down for the day.
Either way. I focus more on cooking, and reading, playing music, watching TV, doing social things. If I touch a computer it’s to play a game .. or stream something … research something that isn’t work related. I refuse any work calls, never check my email and my boundaries are firm.
Your mileage may vary, but a bit more balance means I enjoy my work a whole lot more, and I feel a lot more fulfilled and happy with life away from the keyboard. I’m a better partner, Dad, friend … I’m healthier mentally and emotionally. It’s my passion, I’ve been going since I found a basic manual when I was 8 in the UK and I’m almost 50. When I’m at work I’m absolutely relentless…. I never quit learning, I’ve never quit wanting to do things the best way …. But there is more to life. I leave that in the office.
You don’t do this forever. You gotta find some other things. (As a side I have a near 70 year old co-worker who codes for fun at home and he seems perfectly happy so whatever lol)
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks for sharing. How did you manage to persuade yourself that it is OK to cook, play music and watch TV, instead of learning and creating new things?
I had this mindset that I know I suck and I cannot complete any real side project, but I just have to learn something out of any activity. Till a couple of years ago I used to pick relaxation activities based on how much I can learn from them. This sounds contradictory but that was true. If it's a game I need to check how much I can learn from it. If it's a TV program it better be a documentary that I can learn something from. Back then I simply could not really relax and enjoy something.
I already changed a lot after my son was born 4 years ago. I kinda give up a lot of my ambitions because I realized that I simply don't have the but for it. Having a baby simply takes most of my free time and whatever good mental I still had. BUT I'm still not happy with the change. Those ambitions still come out whenever I read some "wow" technial posts that I don't really understand, and thought "maybe I could do it", and then I started a side project that I could never complete. It's like a vicious cycle.
But yeah, I think I'm close. Nowadays I can waste tons of my free time playing DOOM and not feeling regret. Give me a few more years and I'll completely give up those ambitions.
PragmaticBoredom@reddit
No, it looks like you’re burning yourself out by failing to do refreshing activities in your free time.
Don’t do anything with books or computers or screens for a while. Go outside and walk or hike. Get a gym membership. Join a local club for softball, hiking, or other physical activities. Pick up woodworking or another hands-on craft.
Do something different.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks. I'll take off days to go hiking. Just did one this morning.
false_tautology@reddit
Do things that don't take mental power or that use a different kind of mental power. Physicla activity is always good for blowing off steam and turning the brain down.
-OnceAgain@reddit
Here's my cycle, as someone who's been working full-time and doing side projects for about a decade.
One prerequisite is to make sure your dev setup is easily accessible and kickstarting a new project doesn't require a lot of setup effort.
Spend 3-5 months working on the side projects.
Project is done or I'm starting to lose motivation.
Spend ~3 months of no side projects. Feel "unproductive" in free time. Binge a couple shows, play video games, spend more time in the kitchen.
Spend 1-2 months of light reading about a new tech, look for a new project to work on, read RFCs, read tech blogs, ..
Usually at this point the motivation kicks back in! I'll be excited to implement or test with whatever I've been reading about. The urge kicks in hard to just pickup a laptop and get back to side projects.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks! My cycle is similar, except that nowadays I don't really know how much time I need for cooldown, and I never completed any of my side projects. I'm gald it works for you for a decade! That is some achievement.
Initial_Record_1557@reddit
Full-time job + side project means you don't have time to refresh your mind. When you focus only career, you will eventually burn out. Try other hobbies you might like. Or maybe, decrease the time you spend for side project, e.g.: 2 days a week 4 hours in total. Just try different things..It is only you who knows what you like ofter office hours.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks. Did you manage to move to a job that you actually enjoy (or at least don't hate), or just grow hobbies?
My fav scenario is to move into a fav job so I don't have to code side projects, and then grow some non-coding hobbies. But it's not easy.
Beneficial_Map6129@reddit
just stop giving a shit about your job. some environments are truly awful and don't deserve any more effort than the bare minimum.
this is when you go find a new job that is tolerable.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks. My job is actually OK and the team is great. It's just not something I like to do right now. I was hoping to switch to a different track but so far no success. I think I'll grind for another year and then start interviewing -- I only stayed in previous gig for 4 months before going to this one (another 4 months) so don't want to be jumpy.
Gloomy_Freedom_5481@reddit
mate is your issue that you're burnt out, or that you want to find a way to work on side projects while burnt out?
levelworm@reddit (OP)
I don't really complain about burnt out because looks like everyone burns out eventually. It's the second one I'm looking for: still able to work on side projects while burnt out in work.
fireheart337@reddit
I would give yourself a minimum 2 weeks of not working on any side projects just to break the habit of thinking about it. Then from there, wait until you get specific itches. And I would definitely recommend trying something more tactile in your free time. Puzzles, knitting, drawing, music. Personally, outside of enjoying video games, I find I need to interact with the world around me more.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks, I haven't had much side development for a few months, but I did write some QT program a while ago. I guess I can try it again.
GlobalScreen2223@reddit
It's very difficult to compartmentalize. I personally haven't seen anyone successfully do this.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks. Maybe I'm just asking the wrong questions. I should re-think my position.
I just don't want to spend the next 40 years (if I live to that age) like a drone :/
GlobalScreen2223@reddit
I don't think anyone does. Sometimes its within our control and sometimes it's not. If I can give one piece of advice, it's helpful if you have community. A friend you can share a passion with. A Discord group or a community where you can all mutually learn about the same thing and engage in the same passion. You can treat it like a hobby and that might help keep you going.
roger_ducky@reddit
You have to have * A routine to say you’re working on this other thing * A story about your side project that you believe in.
As a ridiculous example:
Have a “side project” cap you put on ONLY when you’re actively working on your side project.
Also: Believe your project is going to make you a billionaire/have worldwide adoration when you complete it. You’d go down in history as the legendary “side project man.”
If you can find a story with a seemingly big upside you believe in, and you have that routine in place. You’d be extremely motivated during that routine. Since you gave yourself a completely separate role from your usual one.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks. My side projects are usually research projects, like learning how OS works, how a decade-old exploitation works, or simply a utility program like a Quake launcher.
Damn I wish I could find something I have a lot of passion in. Looks like I never had the fire within. Am I soul-dead already?
roger_ducky@reddit
No. You get passion for something by being good at it. My reframe for you is to try calling yourself a “technical archaeologist” — a person that figures out the whys and hows of technology, and how that affects the evolution of technology we use today.
Quake, being an older program, it’s like you’re recreating how older techies did stuff back in the day, like those historical reenactment people do.
Given the label for the role, maybe a round “adventuring” hat when you do these things?
goodmammajamma@reddit
My side projects are developed in Ableton Live, it guarantees zero overlap between work and not work projects.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Oh I see, so it's a music project. That's a nice idea in fact...
cach-v@reddit
Go into management. That's the only way I was able to sustain side project work in the evenings if in full time employment otherwise.
levelworm@reddit (OP)
Thanks, (scratching my head) maybe not a solution for me as I'm kinda a technical person :/
But I'll keep an eye open for "natural" opportunities where people simply get moved into a management position.