Hug your parents if you still have them
Posted by LissyVee@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 668 comments
My mother died last night. I don't know how to process this or how to get through it. I was a typical Gen X latch key kid, growing up with both parents working but I never, never for a second doubted their love for me and my sisters. We had a wonderful childhood, filled with love, laughter, music and adventures. And we loved each other so, so much.
Mum was 94, a great innings by anyone's reckoning, and she was ready. Her health had been failing rapidly for the last few months and everything had become such a struggle. My sister and I were with her at the end, holding her hands. It was very peaceful and she just slipped away.
Most of us here have suffered the loss of at least one, if not both parents. If you haven't, it's coming. Hug them extra hard, reach out and tell them that you love them. One day all you will have are memories.
Tomorrow is never promised. I love you so much, Mum!
ProfessionalEarly965@reddit
My Mom is 79 and my Dad is 74. I do hug them. My Dad survived heart bypass surgery at 58 and had a stent put in his heart 4 years ago. I enjoy the time I have with them.
bizoticallyyours83@reddit
My condolences for your loss
HovercraftNo6811@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents 10 months apart, and both far too young, awhile back. Nothing can prepare you. Just a tip, do not let anyone tell you how long or how to grieve. Take forever or take a year. My thoughts are with you.
Kcatlady@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss.
Particular-Tea849@reddit
This was so beautiful to read. I am so sorry for your loss. I know my parent's mortality is definitely something I've been facing. It's so nice to hear a happy story about a loving family! Hugs and healing.
alwayssearching117@reddit
I am so very sorry for your loss. Dad and Mom have been gone for 20 and 9 years, respectively. What I would give for one more hug. Know that Mom will always be right by your side.
searequired@reddit
Dad passed in 2012. I was holding his hand and saying’We love you”.
I think of him daily but it’s not so much painful anymore as wistful. And missing him is still strong. That’s how I keep him alive in my heart. Where he belongs.
runk1951@reddit
My Condolences. My 98.5 year old mother died on election night 2016. She had just sat down to watch the returns come in. I wish I could say it gets better but I have never been able to separate her death from that election night. It's one memory now. The only thing that has helped is a weekly conference call with my four sisters. We had promised Mother we wouldn't drift apart after her death. Most of those calls involve some reminiscing about her. Hugs.
Toasty-p0tatO@reddit
Hugs to you OP. I will hug my mom this weekend when I see her. My heart breaks for you.
Ok_Resolution_2948@reddit
Please listen to How do I say goodbye by Dean Lewis. ....... My mother died last year at 89 from a broken heart after my father died at 92 from COVID. Both were healthy.
Fantastic-Goat7417@reddit
I think people should hug themselves first.
You’re very lucky to feel this pain. I feel wistful not having this. Neither my mother nor father were able to be consistent or attentive or help my brothers and sisters feel safe. Childhood was wretched; chaotic and unpredictable with adult-sized worries constantly imposed on us. As my mother ages, she is increasingly isolated and alone and likely doesn’t have the first clue as to why things ended up this way. I have processed it now and bear her no ill will, but man what a missed opportunity her life has been. Generational trauma is real.
Defiant-Aerie-6862@reddit
So sorry
Dramatic-Respect2280@reddit
I’m so sorry for all the loss of everyone here. Losing a parent is brutal. I lost my Dad to an aneurysm in 2018 and my Mom to a glioblastoma on 2020. They were both 65 when they passed. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t grieve for them. This year, however, is the loss I will never get over; I lost my baby sister. She was just 50 years old, and I had to sit-there in the hospital- for a month and let her know it was okay to stop fighting and let go. That was in January, and I still cry for a minute almost every day. Nobody told me it would be this hard losing her. I was devastated when Mom passed, but my sister…she was literally the other half of me. My childhood. My values. My shared experiences. If we truly have souls, she was part of mine, and it’s missing now.
I’m not depressed, my therapist has assured me of that, and that this much grief is natural. It just feels like I lost a little bit of my inner joy that I won’t ever get back… a big, gaping hole, actually. I miss her so much. But I am at peace knowing I was there with her at the end and that she knew how much she was loved. And she’s no longer suffering from pain and chronic illness.
I miss you, Baby Girl, wherever you landed.💔
EfficientAd4198@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. Mom has dementia and in a way I've lost her many years ago.
deafening_giggle@reddit
My condolences, losing your mom is one of the hardest things about life... your memories will keep her with you. Wishing you peace and serenity!
jitsuryoko@reddit
hug
elstevega@reddit
Sorry for your loss - my mom passed last Saturday.
flytingnotfighting@reddit
I lost my dad on Oct 25, and it’s been so hard. I knew it was coming but there’s no way to prepare, not really I am so sorry for your loss
Devixilate@reddit
Sucks
LissyVee@reddit (OP)
I'm so sorry. It's hard. Sending hugs to you.
gitathegreat@reddit
Sorry for both of your losses. My mom passed Nov 8, 2016 and it still hurts. The first year is the WORST. Take it one minute at a time and look for helpers, we are here looking out for you too. Big hugs to you both from an internet stranger. ❤️🩹🙏🏽🤗
h3yd000ch00ch00@reddit
I am so sorry for everyone’s losses on here. I lost my mom October 2021. She passed 3 days before her 63rd birthday. It’s no easier. It doesn’t get better. For me, at least. It just gets different. I still cry a lot. It’s kind of like every so often I shift it to a different pain bank. I don’t know if that makes sense. No one has ever loved me like my mom, and no one ever will. You don’t think about that until they’re gone. Everything op said. Call. Text. Reach out. Tell them you love them. It can never be too much.
Again, I’m so sorry for all who have lost. It’s a rotten club to be in.
Enough_Plantain_4331@reddit
Too young! I’m so sorry you didn’t get more time.
flashmuldoon@reddit
hearing you say "the first year is the worst" is very validating, thank you. my dad died in may and it feels like i'm expected to hurry up and get past it because it was already months ago. i miss him so much.
my heart goes out to everyone here dealing with loss of a parent.
Every_Lack@reddit
My brother died in 2021. He was my best person, I still miss him everyday. Whenever I think things are normal again I get shocked by grief. The pain is still there, but there’s just larger spaces in between. All of my love to you.
Ok-Potato-4774@reddit
I remember that first year after my dad died. He passed in 2013 and it was pretty hard. Condolences on your loss.
Zestyclose-Corgi-986@reddit
My mom died 3 years ago and even though things are better, certain reminders will bring forth an instant flood of tears. Yesterday I was coming back to my car and parked next to me was a car just like my mom’s - the tears started pouring. It’s hard and I’m sorry for your loss ❤️
kemberflare@reddit
Grief is not linear. I lost my dad 10 years ago and I couldn’t talk about him without tearing up for probably 7 years. Now I can talk about him and laugh and smile about my time with him. But don’t let anyone tell you or make you feel like you need to hurry through any grief process.
Sad-Chocolate-2518@reddit
Everyone grieves in their way AND time. Just take care of yourself. Take all the time you need. My dad passed in 2019. It never feels like that long ago to me. The struggle is always with me. Sending love your way.
NerdyComfort-78@reddit
Words of truth. I think still “I should call mom.” Then I realize I can’t. Hurts every time.
ThirdCoastBestCoast@reddit
💐🙏🏽💙😢
pssyft1111@reddit
Mine passed November 4, 2015 very unexpectedly. This time of year is tough. Sending hugs your way.
Aspen9999@reddit
I’m glad you had a Mom worth mourning.
peptide2@reddit
No one will ever love you in that way , sorry for your loss , and yes spend time with your parents
Enough_Plantain_4331@reddit
My condolences!!!
giglio65@reddit
It's so hard. my mom died in 2019, and it took me 3-4 years to start to feel anything close to happiness
SwimOk9629@reddit
mine died in 2018, and same for the timeline. I was not ready for that.
kafquaff@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss - and yours, OP
NerdyComfort-78@reddit
Sorry for your loss.
Jen10292020@reddit
I'm so sorry... sending love and hugs to you and your family
GalacticaActually@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss and for OP’s.
We’re supporting our Mom as she slowly dies of dementia. And I’ve lost two old folks who were in loco parentis to me - one last week, one last year.
This is a hard moment, as we lose our elders and become the new elders.
AffectionateCash8194@reddit
My dad just passed away with dementia at 83 exactly 2 weeks ago. It’s so hard to describe. I just turned 29. His birthday was the day before mine. He was diagnosed 2 years ago, but in retrospect, he started having symptoms at least 8 years ago. I felt extremely protective of him and present with who he was while he was advancing in his dementia, but now that he’s moved onwards, I am remembering the full spectrum of who is was. He’s not just the person who’s mind and body is failing him, who I worry about every moment. He gets to be all versions of himself in my memory now. Reading a lot about the teachings of sacred death care, death doulas, and just spending time honoring his life helped me a lot with accepting the transition. A book called “When a Loved One Has Dementia” by Eveline Helmink was really helpful during the whole process. It’s so difficult and painful to watch your parent slip away. I didn’t get nearly enough time with him. I want to go back in time at my current age and hang out with him in his 60s. Dementia just leaves so much frustration & sadness at what we’re losing, slowly over time. I am so sorry you’re going through this. ❤️
PsychologicalCod1520@reddit
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my 87 year old mother to dementia too nov 2022. I agree with you on noticing symptoms years prior. At the time you just brush it off as she is getting older… but hey she is still functioning well. You don’t think it’s dementia at the time. It’s only today as you look back you now see the signs.
Mine would write EVERYTHING down. Sticky notes and notebooks galore. She loved playing Animal Crossing in her 70s and ran 5 towns 😳. 2 on Game cube, wild world, city folks, new leaf. She hooked up with people all over the world (animal crossing community) to trade for rare objects. Was a great artist and created original content for my town and hers. The one thing I have and cherish is all her towns now. I know she spent hundreds if not thousands of hours creating them all. ❤️😊
Despite all the video games and computer skills, she still declined quickly in her 80s. I always thought her writing down how to shut off her systems was quirky. Now I know why she felt the need to do it back then.
Love them while you can. 🙏❤️
GalacticaActually@reddit
I am also so sorry for what you went through and for your loss and grief.
Dementia steals our loved ones away from us and from themselves. It’s an unbearably cruel disease.
Hugs.
DisappointedDragon@reddit
My mom is also slipping away with dementia. Today is her 84th birthday. I did get spend the weekend with her but hated to leave. She has been On hospice for two years. Even though it has been such a long journey, I still don’t think I’m ready. My thoughts to you and the OP.
Antonin1957@reddit
Dementia is a horrible disease. Our parents took care of us when we were helpless, but the upside was that we steadily improved and developed. When dementia makes our parents helpless, there will never be any improvement.
In some ways it is worse for the family, because the parent with dementia doesn't know what is happening.
I used to have conversations with my mother where by the time I completed a sentence she had forgotten what I said at the beginning.
I hope you have good hospice people. When my mother was dying, the hospice nurses were really like angels.
Best wishes. I have to go, because I'm starting to cry...
MitchHarris12@reddit
I lost my mother slowly to strokes and dementia, and my older brother suddenly died almost a year before mom finally passed away 11 years ago. In the ensuing years, I have found crying (letting out my emotions, not holding them back), and talking about it has helped tremendously.
DickBanks67@reddit
I lost my dad 3 years after I got dementia. But the man I knew died long before his heart stopped. Those 3 years visiting him in hospice broke me. It still hurt when he died but I knew it was for the best. Living with dementia is no way to live.. but like the nurses told me when he was alive and I struggled to see him “ don’t take it so hard, he doesn’t know he has dementia”… he just kept complaining about the service at that hotel.
GalacticaActually@reddit
I’m so sorry.
stupidfuckingnames@reddit
He isn't. He's just doing what us old fucks do and put on a good face. His life was destroyed. He will never be the same.
MareOfDalmatia@reddit
When I lost my mother I was surprised how much it also physically hurt; it literally felt like a piece of me had been taken away.
ThirdCoastBestCoast@reddit
😢🙏🏽💙💐
Team-naked@reddit
Oh man. I’m sorry for both of y’all. My dad had a brain bleed. I found him at 4 am yesterday unable to speak and barely move.
911 & emergency surgery. Things look - hopeful, but it’s awful.
I fell for y’all. For real. All the best!
bboon55@reddit
Hoping he makes a good recovery!❤️🩹
bboon55@reddit
Aw, give your Dad a hug and here’s one for you, too!
NorweegianWood@reddit
Doubt it. He's probably just acting like he is when he's around you, for your sake.
PolyBend@reddit
I am so sorry.
I am only a millennial, and on the younger end, but I lost my mother very suddenly from stage 4 cancer (diagnosed and 2 months later died), during covid. It was so shocking and fast. And yet it was also the two longest months of my whole life.
I am STILL not over it and I don't think I ever will be. Music, movies, everything makes me way more emotional now. And yes, I am far better now than then, but it won't ever stop being painful for me. I have come to terms with that.
Look, if you are reading this and have kids...
Stop what you are doing right now and make a plan. Over the next month write letters to your kids that will be given to them when you pass. Pour your heart out. It will literally be the last thing they ever "hear" from you.
Not only can you leave them with kind words... but also tell them about you accounts, etc, things that need to be taken care of if you don't have a lawyer do it all (95+% of people can afford that).
If your parents are still alive. Same thing. Make it a point to remember this often and spend time with them. Ask them about their life.
You have no idea when it will come, but when it does it is so devastating and it never feels like you have enough time to say all you want.
I would give up everything I own to be able to talk to my mom for 5 more minutes.
JillyB3@reddit
Read my response to the OP. I hope it helps both of you. I’m sending hugs and love to you.
Isonychia@reddit
I’m sorry for you loss as well as OPs. My wife’s mother passed this week as well. She was so great and my daughter’s best buddy. My wife is lost and I feel so bad for her. Hope you are coping ok.
celticgrl77@reddit
So sorry for you and OP. Lost my mom ten years ago. I pray everyday that we keep dad around for a while but I know at 81 it is getting closer for him.
howtobegoodagain123@reddit
That’s coz he knows he will be with her soon. You are the one that still has a lifetime alone.
But don’t worry, we shall all walk the narrow path soon and reunite with those we loved here. From Him do we come and to Him do we return.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un.
We are so grateful that they were our parents even for the short time we were together.
Crossing-The-Abyss@reddit
Lost mine just four months ago. I was a wreck the first couple months. First couple months I didn't dare talk about it because I'd get teary eyed and visibly upset. Guess I'm a mama's boy. It does get better though. Sorry for your loss.
rapt2right@reddit
I'm sorry. It's one of the hardest blows life can deal. Big hugs
Sunflower971@reddit
I'm so sorry.
eaglemg1@reddit
I’m so very sorry.
thathairinyourmouth@reddit
Sorry for your loss as well as u/LissyVee’s loss.
UsedCan508@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss sending you my deepest condolence
4Bforever@reddit
Jesus I’m sorry.
CincyJen513@reddit
I'm so sorry 😞
Historical-Lemon3410@reddit
There is no prep for this one…held them both as they crossed. It was the greatest gift they gave me. Hurts like hell, but my soul is full of grace and faith.
Enough_Plantain_4331@reddit
I’m so sorry! I unfortunately do know ur pain. My Pop passed in March & I miss him!! My Mom is like the last of the Elders and ur right it’s coming. I’m going upstairs right now & hug her! I pray peace for u and ur family. Just because we’re the adults now doesn’t mean loss gets any easier.🫶🏾
JMaAtAPMT@reddit
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for reminding us.
justtired2022@reddit
I’m so sorry for you, it’s Strange being an adult orphan isn’t it? Waking up knowing you can’t just reach out to call your parents and tell them something stupid that came to mind. Calling mom to ask her “what is you putting in your meatloaf?” Just to hear Dad tell you that you’re enough, I love you.
I lost my parents many years ago, I would give anything just to have kept a voicemail, because I forgotten how their voice sounds.
Dense_Promise_3953@reddit
Not necessarily.
SwimOk9629@reddit
me definitely not tearing up reading this post
Patient_Sympathy2197@reddit
I’m so sorry. I lost my dad last year. It’s really hard. I’m trying to make each day with my mother a great one. She is 84, and I’m trying to prepare myself.
jesslynneyea@reddit
I'm so very sorry. It's such an incredibly empty feeling. My mom died August '21, my dad died April '22. I feel as though I no longer have a tether to this world...
naf0007@reddit
I know how you feel . Just an empty hollow feeling inside that seems impossible to process
jesslynneyea@reddit
100%. Terrible feeling...
naf0007@reddit
The world is never the same again really
jesslynneyea@reddit
No, the world feels very different now. I don't much like it.
naf0007@reddit
Me neither. I'm very disillusioned with it all to be honest.
jesslynneyea@reddit
Same. I'm dreading the holidays. Wish I could fast forward to January...
naf0007@reddit
About 8 weeks of uninterrupted sleep would be nice lol
jesslynneyea@reddit
Yessssss. A 'colonoscopy nap' without the prep or procedure- just the propofol...
katklause@reddit
My dad October '21, my mom May '24. I understand what you mean.
jesslynneyea@reddit
May... Your pain is so fresh. I'm very sorry.
latomar@reddit
I’m so sorry for those who lost a parent ❤️❤️❤️
External-Prize-7492@reddit
No thanks.
My mother and father were abusive narcissists. Let them die. I’ll finally have peace.
abortthecourt@reddit
Lost both my parents in 2024. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Take advantage of the time while everyone can.
PorchDogs@reddit
I lost my Dad in 2106 and my mom in 2017. I miss them every day.
Stay hydrated. Grief is very draining.
Timely_Contract_5177@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss
ca_annyMonticello111@reddit
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad 7 years ago, and my Mom 5 years ago. They were both in their late 80's and lived great lives. But it doesn't matter, the loss is just so overwhelming. You never get over it, but you make your way through and will have happy days. And there will also be many sad days. I'm so sorry. ❤️
Txharloween@reddit
Condolences to all who loved and lost your parents. I hope you all can find peace and comfort in the love you had for one another.
Also Condolences to those that had bad relationships with their parents and lost them. It was hard to mourn a woman who was hateful and abusive to me until the day she died. There was never a resolution to everything and it made it hard to heal.
Virtual hugs to all.
Actual_Cow7063@reddit
but why is it all you want from your mom is a hug. instead she spits at you that you need therapy and help. all i want is for her to ask how my day is once and awhile. she lives 60 miles away and is blocked on my socials.
Beautiful-Mainer@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a younger brother August 10, 2024. Life is not the same anymore.
Difficult-Impact1997@reddit
What a wonderful post. Your Mom is so proud of you! And wow...she raised a wonderful human. Peace to you my friend.
HardestButt0n@reddit
So sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in 2020, one of the early victims of COVID; she had a terribly compromised immune system. Thankfully we still have my dad who is 91. He still chugging along although doesn't get around well physically. I'm so fortunate that my older brother and study in law had recently moved in with him so he's got company, help and support. Unfortunately my sister in law passed suddenly last week so my family are in town for the funeral. Appreciate your loved ones as we don't know how long we'll have them.
Spiritual-Hawk-6575@reddit
Sorry for your loss. I lost my mother when I was 11yrs old. I lost my dad when I was 18 yrs old. Hug your parents people.
Acceptable-Fix-1690@reddit
I am so sorry. I lost my mom in 2013 and it still hurts like it was yesterday. Hug and appreciate your parents.
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
Life goes quick. I've lost both parents as well as my only sibling. It's really kind of a weird type of lonely that's hard to describe when you have no living blood relatives.
littleliongirless@reddit
One of my closest friends is an Only. Both of his parents are passed, and he took describes it as a weird type of lonely. I hope your found family takes extra good care of you :)
Bekaboo72@reddit
Yes. It's VERY lonely. My husband and I are both only children. We both have lost both our parents. So, it's just the 2 of us and our 2 boys. We have some great, close friends...it's just not the same. No one will love you like your parents do. (If they are good parents.) No one.
Fenlosian@reddit
Aye, but the love of and for children is a behemoth of a beautiful thing. Unmatched in the whole of human existence, imo
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
They do! I am very lucky. Thank you. Take good care of your friend. I am sure you are appreciated more than you know.
Fenlosian@reddit
I am there, friend. My entire family on my side has passed. I’m the very last. We are, in essence, adult orphans. My wife and kid are my entire family now. It is definitely enough, but all the people that raised me and were around during my childhood are gone. You are right; it is an odd feeling.
gingerlaur@reddit
I had to read your post twice. I lost my Mom, Dad, and only sibling in 3.5 years (my sister passed unexpectedly just over a year ago). Family unit of four, and other than my girls and my Aunt, it’s the end of our family line. You are so correct when you say ‘it’s a weird type of lonely’. That may be the best way I’ve heard it said. As I continue reading, I see there are more of us. It has felt like I’m on my own island - apparently not. Message me, all of you, if you’d like to just chat. We almost need a club. I guess that’s awkward, but hey. So is being an orphan, I guess.
Ok-Hurry-4761@reddit
My mom is my last living blood relative. When she passes I don't know what I'm going tp do.
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
It's tough at times. When I feel sad about losing them I try to flip it into positive memories or moments or just remind myself that while I miss them I am lucky to have had the time with them I did. Doesn't always work but sometimes it does.
SignificantLaw2520@reddit
You're not on your own brother/sister 👊
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
Thank you. Sometimes it is easy to forget there are plenty of others with the same struggle. But I'm blessed to have an amazing wife and some good friends. And one positive thing about having a tiny size family is that there is little to no drama. Lol
SignificantLaw2520@reddit
Glad to hear. We are all family if you go back far enough. You sound like a good one. Have a good rest of your life 🙏
KTKittentoes@reddit
hugs I'm sorry. I'm in the same boat.
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
Thank you. Hugs to you as well. It's not the most fun boat to be on, but we haven't sunk yet lol.
MitchHarris12@reddit
Asking myself "would [mom] or [brother] want you____?" has helped me get through.
Claypothos@reddit
Beautiful perspective. Wishing you the best
JoneyBaloneyPony@reddit
This is how estrangement feels.
Peters_Wife@reddit
I've lost my mom and my only sibling as well. Mom's been gone 25 years now. I'm now older than she ever got to be. My brother has been gone 10. He was only 45. Missing them doesn't ever go away. I've still got Dad and he's now 83. I had to move him to Assisted Living last year after his wife died. No way he can live alone. I would give almost anything to have my brother to help me navigate this. I'm so alone dealing with everything. My husband means well, but won't really lend a hand with anything unless absolutely necessary.
Alexcamry@reddit
It’s hard losing those you have a history with and who know you in context.
So many things we did with or for them no longer happen and it takes getting used to.
delicateflowerdammit@reddit
I lost both of my siblings. It is def a weird kind of lonely. I also remember thinking, "Now there is nobody else who knows what it was like growing up in that house."
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
I'm so sorry you lost them. I had the same thought. Losing the only person that really understands all of your life experiences is hard to comprehend at times.
Vast-Government-8994@reddit
Im not crying...nope sniff not me
CraZisRnewNormal@reddit
That's the perfect way to describe something that's pretty much indescribable. I'm sorry for your losses. As an only child, I would think it's particularly difficult to lose a sibling.
JustMeRC@reddit
I don’t know if it would fit your situation, but I did one of those Ancestry DNA tests and got matched with tons of cousins. I’ve connected with a few of them and correspond from time to time. We’ve shared photos and it has made me feel very rooted since I lost my mom almost 30 years ago and never got to really know her as an adult.
Hankjams@reddit
Same here. It’s very strange and at times I feel like an orphan.
merryone2K@reddit
SO much this! I lost my dad when I was 13; lost my mom when I was 30. Both times, I felt abandoned, even though I have five older brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts & uncles...didn't matter a whit.
Hankjams@reddit
I was 8 and 39. I feel I adjusted though I still miss them terribly. I will be 50 soon and though and at this age it’s different in a weird way. I know that sounds like it doesn’t make sense but it does in my head. Haha
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
Our situations are very similar. And I'll be 50 soon as well. It's a feeling that I often struggle to put into words so I get you so much.
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
I feel that way too at times. My mom got sick when I was 15 and went into a nursing home. She died when I was 20. My dad was hardly ever around so his loss wasn't as impactful but it's still a weird feeling to not have anyone that has known you your entire life. Unfortunately my brother died from Covid a few years ago, and that's the one that I still struggle with. It's just...not supposed to happen that way but all too often does.
brisvegas72@reddit
I'm so sorry. I come from a large family, so this is hard to imagine.
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
It's ok. I have a beautiful wife and some good friends. I'm still very lucky in that regard.
jesslynneyea@reddit
'Weird type of lonely'- that's it. 100%.
jesslynneyea@reddit
❤️
makeitmaybe@reddit
That’s tough. Hope you’re doing okay.
Rhusty_Dodes@reddit
I am. Thank you.
Jamergurl921@reddit
My mom passed 2 weeks ago and I am struggling with it. It was unexpected and I'm so heartbroken. I do agree to make sure you give all the extra hugs and time with them that you can. You never know when it will be your last.
International_Chest4@reddit
Man. 😞 I'm so so sorry
Reality_Guilty@reddit
So sorry for losing your Mom. That is a special relationship filled with nothing but love. But as you right said she is with Dad and lived a full life till 94. Prayers for her soul to rest in peace. Cherish the memories for that is all we have
Yzerman19_@reddit
Sorry for your loss OP. I lost my mom in 2015. It still gets me sometimes. And that’s ok. Let yourself think of her. Speak of her often. That’s how we keep people around. The love is still there it’s just in your heart now. Share it with others.
guttamoneymike@reddit
Im so sorry prayers
olivebell1876@reddit
I'm so terribly sorry. Love and kind thoughts.
Squigglepig52@reddit
I get it. Dad passed end of August, my younger sister last week. Mom 2 years ago.
Sister's death is really hitting me.
Sorry you all joined the club, folks.
Poneke365@reddit
I’m really sorry about your younger sister passing away last week. Giving you a virtual hug from an internet stranger 🫂
Poneke365@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss🫂. Sounds like you had wonderful parents and family.
Infinite_Theory7559@reddit
Sorry for your loss Thanks for sharing It made me cry
Forsaken-Tomorrow240@reddit
Sorry for your loss 😔😔
Hyphen99@reddit
Yes, this is the inescapable human condition, we’ll all meet you there if we’re not there already. I’m so sorry for your loss, LissyVee. And ours. Please feel the communal love and empathy we all have for you.
3ebgirl4eva@reddit
So sorry for your loss. My mom died 4/25/2023 and she was ready. She could no longer do any of the things she loved. I miss her terribly, every day.
I love to imagine her drinking endless wine and snacking on all the chocolate.
Sending you a virtual hug.
Emmakate7@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. As a parent myself the best way to honor her memory is to live your life to the fullest find happiness. It will take time but some day your memories will be a comfort to you.
FullyRisenPhoenix@reddit
The day my dad died I spiraled into a deep depression and alcoholism. Took me 4 years to pull myself out from that burden I had put in myself. But my dad was the epitome of what a man should be. I married my wonderful husband because he is so much like my dad, and they ended up best friends over the decades. It’s so hard, and his stroke was so sudden and unexpected: he’d only been to the doctor the week before and got a clean bill of health!! My heart still aches for him.
I’m sorry about your loss, OP. Hugs and condolences from a fellow latchkey but loved kid 💗
SouthernCategory9600@reddit
You are absolutely right. I am so sorry OP.
Kickingandscreaming@reddit
Sorry man, I feel you. My mom died on 10/10. When I got to the ER, she apologized and said I didn't have to come. Then she was gone.
Dilettantest@reddit
If you want a real good cry sometime, listen to a recording of “Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.” Lots of versions on the YouTube.
narfnarf123@reddit
My Mom died 18 years ago, two weeks after her 46th birthday. It’s a horrible feeling, I’m so sorry OP
LittleUnicornLady@reddit
So sorry for your loss.
Ok-Antelope-1923@reddit
Lost my dad on Valentine’s Day. I’m so very sorry for your loss. 😢
Traditional-Cake-587@reddit
So very sorry…
Silentyetloud75@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️😢
Capital-Cheesecake67@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. My mom is 1000 miles away. I will give her a call.
Ok_Heron4768@reddit
Appreciate how long you had. I lost my mom, my senior year of high school in '87. Sorry for your loss. 🫂
2broke2quit65@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died in 2022. I'm still not over it. I'm definitely better than I was but it don't take much to set me off. His bday is this month and I'm already emotional. I can finally talk about him without crying mostly anyway. Losing your parents is hell and I find myself thinking back to my childhood way more than I did before. I guess cuz he was always there.
harmonic_pies@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss, and happy for you that you were able to be together for a loving and peaceful parting.
Menemsha4@reddit
Mine died on the 16th.
Give yourself lots of space and grace.
JimfromMayberry@reddit
Not trying to “one-up” anyone here…I lost both my parents in one week. Dad died, and mom dropped-dead at his funeral. I agree wholeheartedly with these sentiments…hug them..
crystalcastles13@reddit
Sitting with my mom at Urgent Care right now and before we pulled out of her driveway she said “I’m so sorry to put you through this” 🥲 I was like MOM “this is our job!!!Remember all that WE put YOU through this is nothing!” I wanted to cry hearing her say that.
She’s having spiked BP, tightness in her chest/trouble breathing, cold symptoms and she’s had a history of heart issues.
It seems like yesterday that she was teaching me how to drive and here we are.
She better be ok.
Ok-Hurry-4761@reddit
Sounds like a heart attack. Is she ok?
crystalcastles13@reddit
So thankfully no (that was one of my concerns too) but she has pneumonia and it’s in both lungs-they gave her an antibiotic shot and two scripts for antibiotics and said to take her straight to the ER if anything gets worse.
Thank you for asking. It’s scary shit-my mom is literally my best friend and has lived through years of my struggles (I got sober in 2012 but was a nightmare for her for about 10 years)
Lucky to have her here still.
Ok-Hurry-4761@reddit
Scary, but glad to hear she's stabilized. Hope the antibiotics resolve the pneumonia and she gets back to baseline in short order.
My mom is 81, had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery last year. She's doing decently now, but I'm terrified what'll happen when when she passes.
Exercise. For the love of God, old people need to exercise. It's the #1 thing I get on my mom about.
crystalcastles13@reddit
I’m so sorry your mom went through that, triple bypass is so scary-but I’m glad it sounds like she’s ok now.
Yes, exercise is so important-even just 25-30 minutes of just walking at a good pace every day can change your world.
My mom was always extraordinarily healthy, went to the gym, had a trainer, three days a week- and then Covid hit (she’s very phobic about germs anyway) and she literally never left the house, was utterly terrified through the whole pandemic, and never recovered her pre Covid routines-she stopped walking her long walks with her dog, stopped going to workout, and so on.
I hope both our moms stay healthy and start getting out more, doing more to take care of themselves 🤲
Ok-Hurry-4761@reddit
Yup my mom also got way too comfortable with the couch and TV during Covid. She did a lot of nothing during that time. I think it's why she didn't recognize the heart symptoms until it was too late.
Revolutionary-Ad3648@reddit
My Momma passed Dec 11, 2023. I think of her a couple times a day, and I lose a little hydration... Every.damn.time.
NerdyComfort-78@reddit
So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 7 years ago and my mom last Christmas. I’m an only child (how GenX). Yes- my mantra now is make every day count. I hope you find peace.
No-Two1313@reddit
I wish i still had mine. I miss them so much 💔
Tazz_Lover1970@reddit
My deepest condolences on the loss of your Mom. Yeah, it's definitely not easy to lose a parent. Lost my Mom in Feb 2022. Not a day goes by without something reminding me she's not here for me. I wish you and yours - love, comfort, and positive vibes as you begin this hard chapter of life. 🫂
sr1sws@reddit
Condolences on your loss. My mom's been gone for almost 10 years, she passed at 91. My dad's been gone 46 years, he passed at 57.
NanaAbuela@reddit
My deepest condolences. I lost mine 2 years now. The memories help ease the pain with time. 🙏🏽❤️
WilmaFlintstone73@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss but so glad you and your sister were able to be with her. My condolences.
NemoOfConsequence@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m glad you had a parent worth mourning. It seems pretty insensitive to assume the rest of us do, though. I don’t know if my mother is alive, and I don’t care, and I certainly won’t be hugging her, so don’t tell me that I should appreciate her. I shouldn’t.
Legitimate-March9792@reddit
My mom died 27 years ago at age 62. It was a terrible death from cancer and I was happy when she finally passed as she was suffering. I was the executor of her estate so I was so busy doing that I literally didn’t have time to grieve. I think it makes a difference when you know they are dying and can mentally prepare yourself. My mother, father and eldest sister all died within a seven year span. Once one died it was onto the next. It was very difficult clearing out houses and settling estates and all the legal work. It took a toll on me. Twenty plus years later I look on with fond memories and nostalgia. Sorry for your loss.
MasterpieceNo8893@reddit
This is a beautiful sentiment. So very sorry for your loss. She sounds amazing 🫶
2manyfelines@reddit
Peace and love to you.
Ok_List_9649@reddit
What a beautiful love letter to your Mother. Wherever she is she heard it and her soul is filled with joy that she raised a child like you,
AnastasiaNo70@reddit
Awww, I’m so sorry!
My dad passed two years ago tomorrow. It’s still so hard. I want to talk to him all the time. ♥️
LittleCeasarsFan@reddit
I try to tell this to people, even if you disagree with your parents about politics or religion or they hated your mullet, they gave you life and sacrificed for you.
Alioh216@reddit
I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful mom. My mom died in January at almost 96. I miss her with everything I am.
sshevie@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss, my mom passed in September of 2020. It does get better buts it’s just never the same
Jen10292020@reddit
I'm so sorry about your loss of your dear Mum. I hope you find comfort and love in those around you. Thank you for reminding us to hug and hold our loved ones dear. My sincere condolences to you and your family OP.
CynGuy@reddit
My sincerest condolences for your loss. Losing a parent is like losing your foundation - it’s always been there anchoring you. Now you are your family’s foundation.
sprocket1234@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss!
Listen to this song, it's a tear jerker, yet it puts a sense of peace in your heart
https://youtu.be/BoNKCVduyYM?si=i9tHAF0fRtNtEPxn
Enterprise-wide@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and send a virtual hug. I don’t have the appropriate word to express my condolences. It doesn’t matter our age or their age. It’s too soon.
My Mom is 91, is a single mother and I’m an only child. I’m trying to enjoy her, but I live with dread. I don’t think I’ll be okay. She’s my anchor to this world. What will we all do without them? I just have her a hug and a kiss.
Ok-Hurry-4761@reddit
I'm like this with my mom too. I don't know what I'll do without her.
ted_anderson@reddit
This is good advice. My dad passed away unexpectedly and suddenly. Even though we'll miss him it was relatively easy to move on because we did the very best we could to love and appreciate each other and we often talked about what we would do when that day came. So his departure was more like having a family member in the military or some other form of public service where they spend an indefinite amount of time with you and then suddenly get called up to go where there's very little time to say your goodbyes.
At times I wish I could talk to him for 20 minutes about everything that's happened over the last 2 weeks. But I still have comfort in knowing that if it could have been different, it would have been different. And so I share with anyone who's still struggling with the loss to remember that you did the best you could based on what you knew to do at that time.
Worth_Event3431@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. My parents were silent generation, and they never told me they loved me, my mother never hugged me. All the way up to her death, I told her frequently that I loved her. I’d hug her before I left her home. I think, at the end, my dad finally realized how important it was to say the words, and so he did. I knew he meant it. I wish they were still here so I could talk to them. I miss them everyday. I’d tell them I love them.
boulderkush@reddit
No thanks. They abused the fuck out of me. They can die in a tire fire.
s33k@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you had a mother who cared for you so deeply.
I'm just here for the folks who don't have parents like yours, who have gone no contact, and who had to grieve that relationship twice. Once with NC, and again when we heard they died and we got the final notice that they will never love us for us, that they will never genuinely say they were proud of us, and that the relationship we needed from them will never happen.
You're not one of this stupid club we're in and I'm truly happy you don't. I just need my fellow GenX who don't have that relationship to know they're not alone.
MrsButl3r@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom passed 28 years ago, I was in my mid 20s. The grief doesn't leave you, you somehow find a way to live with it. I can't tell you there won't be bad days, because there will be. But the bad days will get further apart. And slowly, the pain of not having your Mom will be replaced by the memory of the good times. Hang in there OP. Hugs to you.
LadyBird1281@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. Even when you expect it, it hurts like nothing else.
I see my own mother getting more frail every year, her smoker's cough getting worse, and I'm just praying I don't get that phone call any time soon.
whoozywhatzitnow@reddit
My dad died October 20th 2006. Mom died October 23rd 2016. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of them and miss them terribly. I feel angry at times because I feel like I didn’t get enough time with them, but then I think about all the children who lost their mom or dad or both when they were young and I’m thankful I got the time I did with my parents
YannaFox@reddit
This made me cry. Hugs to you during such a difficult time.
First-Ground-3431@reddit
I’m so sorry. I lost my mom this year. It’s hard for sure. I still find myself thinking that I should call her and see how she’s doing.
Bigbearminions@reddit
Also, my son, 24 bought me, 66 a book for me to answer questions that are about my life. He is very mature to be thinking of these questions. I have included a picture. It has great questions about my childhood, price of things back then, family tree, teenage years, work and career, my siblings etc. It is a great way for those left behind to learn all about there parents lives and to answer questions you forgot to ask while they were alive.
GoneshNumber6@reddit
I am sorry that you lost someone where there was much love between you both. For myself, like many of us GenXers, we mourn what we never had. My relationship with my folks was always fraught with criticism, narcism and emotional neglect. When my mom died last year it was a mixture of relief that I no longer have to deal with conflict from her, and the loss of never being able to have a stable, loving and supportive relationship. To be honest, I feel more relief than anything that that chapter finally ended. My father hardly acknowledged me when he was healthy, and now that he's slipping into dementia I worry that I'm the asshole for not trying harder to spend more time with him, but he has never once reached out to me or shown any emotion towards me, so it's a conundrum on whether to match his energy.
Aggressive-Bath-1906@reddit
I’m so sorry. I lost my dad earlier this year. Hadn’t seen him in about 3 years. It was difficult. So many things/questions running through my mind. I still have my mom, but I wonder how much time she still has, as she isn’t in the best of heath these days.
ButtersStochChaos@reddit
Truth. The oldest living relative I have is an aunt I didn't meet until 2 years ago. Then an older sister. They are all gone.
Appreciate them while you can
ontour4eternity@reddit
Sorry for your loss 😔 My mom has been on the hospital for a month this Wednesday and was in the ICU for 12 days. She was so close to being gone for about a week. She has started to improve but it made me realize that she won't be around forever. I will give her an extra long hug today and I'm sending you one via the Internet from Oregon. 💜
sedona71717@reddit
I am so sorry, OP. I absolutely had no idea what this loss would feel like until it happened to me. Until I lost my mom, I’d hear about people who lost elderly parents and I’d think, well, that is so sad but they were blessed to have them for so many years.
Then my mom died and I leaned there is no “but.” It really is SO SAD. It’s a loss that’s difficult to comprehend or articulate. It doesn’t matter how many years you had with your parent. It’s terrible no matter what. So don’t let anyone say to you “oh you’re so lucky you had so many years with her.” Having so many years with her makes losing her that much harder, I think. My dad died when I was a kid and my mom died when I was in my 50s— losing my dad was terrible but losing my mom was next-level hard.
I think it’s so hard because— major caveat, for those of us who were fortunate to have good parents— there’s this crushing feeling of “nobody will ever love me like that again.” I’ve made peace with this but it took me a few years after my mom died.
I guess the tl;dr of this is: Please know that you are not alone.
Elizabeth360@reddit
I’m so sorry. Losing a parent is such a profound loss. 😢
jenyj89@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. Hugs💜
I’m a tail-end Boomer (I prefer Generations Jones). I lost my mom a 2 weeks ago. It’s hard.
AugustCharisma@reddit
Sorry for your loss.
Simple_Guava_2628@reddit
So sorry for you loss. I still have my parents but lost my brother a couple years ago. Hug your loved ones every chance you get.
cdngirl73@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss and unfortunately know exactly how you feel. My mum passed on sept16 th unexpectedly. it’s still feels raw. My heart and soul are heavy. It may sound silly but I sound like an orphan now my dad passed away 20 years ago. Unexpectedly also..I’m very sorry for your loss. BIG HUGS
prairiemallow@reddit
I'm sorry for all you who have lost a parent that you loved and loved you. I left home when I was 14. My dad died a couple of years ago when I was 47. I still don't really feel anything. We didn't have a relationship. My mom is aging. As an only child, I'm doing the best I can for her but her passing won't be a great loss to me either. It will to my children however, and I will be there for them.
AffectionateSoil33@reddit
🫂
Remmy555@reddit
So sorry for your loss. My dad died at 53 and we still have my mom at 84, and she's declining, and it fills me with dread, which honestly surprised me, how much it hurts thinking about losing her. It has taught me that no matter the age, whether they live a long life or have it cut short, we are never prepared to lose our parents. Be gentle with yourself, sending you good vibes.
ZebZ@reddit
And your spouses. :(
Birantis1@reddit
Please accept my good wishes and sorrow for your loss. I still have both of my parents - very late 80s, and I can see my father physically slowly wither away. My mother doesn’t ever seem to change! But I know I have, I guess, no more than a year with my dad. My mother … who knows, but I hope she’s alive for as long as she wants to be. Again, I’m sorry for your loss.
Viking793@reddit
I'm honestly dreading it but hoping my mom will be 94 or more; her mom is still alive but ready to go now and she's 95 and still healthy. My dad is the one I worry about losing although no one else is his family has lived to the age he is now (82) and he's still doing okay. His mobility is more of an issue than anything else; other health issues are well managed. I know I'm pretty lucky in this sense; my cousins lost both their parents early on and my friend lost her mom when she was in her 20s. I appreciate every moment I have with them; it's the reason I moved back to the UK from the US so I would have no regrets of missed memories
hardlyexist@reddit
You are a great child; your parents were lucky! I'll pray for you and yours! God bless you and shed His grace upon you!
nadiaco@reddit
sorry for your loss , but not all parents are deserving of a hug....
UtahSalad66@reddit
My mom passed February 28, 2023. I miss her more than anything in this world!!
Particular-Debt4589@reddit
So Sorry...Sending you all my Caring Thoughts&Hugs&my Sympathy... She will Always Have A Special Place in your Heart...She is Your Special Guardian Angel...
Karlie62@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss! I have lost my Dad and it was devastating to me. I’m blessed to still have my Mom and I remember something she has always said. When she lost her Mom she lost her best friend. That has always stuck either way me and I believe it. But, you had a wonderful life together and just know you will be reunited someday.
MeaningParticular765@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom died in January and it still seems odd she’s not here. I don’t have any great advice but know that grief isn’t linear and your feelings are all valid.
gbw28@reddit
You never "get over it". You just learn to live with it. Or around it. My mom's been gone 24 years now and still....sending you love and hugs!
captkirkseviltwin@reddit
You are blessed with a mom who loved and supported you, sorry for your loss.
moronmonday526@reddit
Sorry for your loss. My wife lost her Dad six months before our wedding in the 90s, and I lost my Dad six years later. My Mom (79) lives across the country, and we're heading out tomorrow to see her again. You never know when a trip might be the last.
Again, very sorry for your loss.
WHowe1@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss.
dsmac085@reddit
Sorry for your loss!
I feel for my fellow GenXers facing this. My parents were older (born in the early 20's) so I faced this back in the late 80's when I was in my early 20's. Cherish the time you have, invest more if you can y'all ❤️
beek7419@reddit
Yesterday was actually the 5th anniversary of my mom’s death. She was 74 and died of dementia.
I dread my father’s and stepmom’s decline and death. I also really hope that they never get dementia. I don’t think I could handle that again.
Certain_Turn2087@reddit
Losing both of your parents makes you feel like an orphan - even though that’s obviously not the right term for it. I remember feeling very…untethered…when my mom died right after my dad. Like, how can my mom not be here? She’s always been here. She was my rock.
Be gentle with yourself. There’s a lot to process. Go at your own pace. Sending big hugs ❤️
ihave10toes_AMA@reddit
I had to see if you were my sister’s secret account because I always use the word untethered too. Lost mad dad at 75 last year, my mom at 73 this year. Exact same. She’s just always been, and it was such a surprise when we were focused on grieving for dad.
Certain_Turn2087@reddit
I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. As you unfortunately already know, the first year is just a blur. It does get easier with time. Sending you so many hugs.
Embarrassed_Kale_580@reddit
Untethered is such a good word for this feeling. My dad died a few months ago and untethered was my answer when people would ask how I was. Starting to feel tethered sometimes now but not totally.
WittyPresentation786@reddit
it’s sooooo hard. Orphan is the best way to explain it. I lost my dad 12 years ago when he was 61 and my mom this year suddenly when she was 68. I feel so beyond cheated. I thought we’d be those old broads shopping together at 60 and 80. Hug your parents everyone, even if they do annoying Boomer shit. You just don’t know when it’s time.
CraZisRnewNormal@reddit
When my mom died a few years ago, my neighbor said something that really stuck with me. She welcomed me to the "adult orphan club" while reiterating it's, of course, a club no one wants to join. It is a very "untethered" feeling losing both parents. And that's especially rough that you lost both of your parents so close together. I'm so sorry.
Certain_Turn2087@reddit
Thank you. It’s been a couple years and the pain has mellowed into something softer. I was lucky to be very loved and cared for by two amazing parents. I’m sorry we’re in this club together. I’m gonna hug all my other people a little extra tight tonight. ❤️
CraZisRnewNormal@reddit
Me, too. It's definitely not a club anyone wants to be in. ❤️
Bekaboo72@reddit
Untethered!!! YES!!!
Vast-Government-8994@reddit
Untethered...i could never put my finger on it....but this is exactly it! ((((Hugs)))) from a fellow orphan 💜
FistFullOfRavioli@reddit
My condolences. My mom passed away two years ago at the age of 77 and her mind and body were deteriorating. It's a tough time but it forces us to be strong and grow up beyond anything that we've experienced before. It made me feel very existential and it hasn't gone away yet. My dad passed away in 2017 and I kind of felt that same empty feeling but not as much as with my mom because now they are both gone.
Therunningman06@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss
Mrs_Laktash@reddit
I'm so sorry. May her memory be a blessing.
unbalancedcentrifuge@reddit
Lost my parents years ago, but I would absolutely love to give them a hug.
KNT-cepion@reddit
My dad died in the autumn 3 years ago. My MIL died the same year a few days before Christmas. A friend succumbed to an illness she had long been fighting that year also.
That was so hard. There are times I come across a book, article or song and then I’m struck by the reality that they’re all gone. It hurts so bad.
YoDaddyNow1@reddit
I lost mine Jan will be 15 years ago! You are extremely lucky to have her until94
Egbert_64@reddit
Before she goes do a video recording of her telling stories from he childhood and life. First you get to hear her voice and see he small smiles and expressions but also get to have something to share with the kids.
himenokuri@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss! My prayers are with you at this difficult time.
Frank_chevelle@reddit
I am very close to my parents. They are In their late 70’s now but still doing ok. They get along great with my wife too! They adore her.
It will be devastating when their time eventually comes.
I talk to them every Sunday and am looking forward to seeing them for Christmas. Just saw them in October for the first time since Christmas last year (they live about 1000 miles away).
There will be lots of hugs from me and their grandchildren.
Always bummed to hear about people here that are not close to their parents for various reasons.
Mexicojuju@reddit
What if he's a fucking asshole
throwawaytrumper@reddit
Sorry for your loss. That said I won’t be tracking down my biodad or stepdad to hug them or shedding any tears when they die. Biodad never gave a damn and stepdad left me homeless as a thirteen year old. They’re on their own.
ilp71@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost both of my parents and no day goes by without me thinking of them.
Kimmm711@reddit
My heart goes out to you.
I'm a Gen Xer who is currently caring for her 92yo mother in cognitive decline with increasing physical limitations. She moved in on August 1, very much against her will, and is sliding quickly. She doesn't recognize me most of the time. Her biggest fears of being put in a nursing home have materialized in her mind despite being in a loving home with family.
Sadly, I'm ready for it to be over. I have no idea how long I'll be able to care for her, based on both her decline rate & my stress level. It's like a sick game of chicken.
bonervz@reddit
Hug. My kids barely talk to me. LOL My daughter turns off notifications because it interrupts her YouTube. LOL
Hug.. I wish.
Virtual-Error3727@reddit
I am a gen-xer and am fortunate to have both of my parents still alive but it does dawn on me how old they are. Hugs sent.
debomama@reddit
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Fellowshipofthebowl@reddit
So sorry for your loss.
IrishRun@reddit
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Losing a parent leaves us feeling unanchored in this world, despite our age.
Sugon_Dese1@reddit
My condolences for your loss, give it time.
Livingforabluezone@reddit
I am sincerely sorry for your loss 🙏
QueenCelis@reddit
I lost both of my parents in the last month. It sucks.
WilliePullout@reddit
Why start now it hasn’t happened my whole life. Just let the course stay.
Jcaseykcsee@reddit
I’m so sorry. 💕
TriggerTough@reddit
So sorry for your loss.
loudjerseygirl@reddit
OMG I'm so sorry. I lost my mom three years ago. I got a phone call from my dad, happy mothers day by the way we lost your mom last night People say it's gets easier with time but it doesn't, not for me. Sending love cuz I know how it feels
Sundaymoney003@reddit
God bless you I lost my mom 10 years ago not a day goes by I don’t think of her you never forget always in your heart and remember when a cardinal appears angels are near 👼👼👼
DifferentManagement1@reddit
I’m sorry. It’s just one of those things where you are never quite the same
HighJeanette@reddit
I’m so scared to my parents.
edit_R@reddit
Sorry for you loss. My dad passed 5 years ago and I’m terrified of my mom going. The only thing that helped with my dad was to think of all the best things and hold on to those tight.
Latter-Stage-2755@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom this past summer, and my dad just two years ago. It’s surreal. I’m still processing the entire situation, trying to adjust to not feeling like picking up the phone to call/text them every day.
jumpyjumperoo@reddit
I'm so sorry . It is so hard. Mine was put on a ventilator last night, and we don't know what comes next. It's not enough time. I'm not ready to be an old lady orphan.and I don't want to be the matriarch, but... here I might be.
cheweduptoothpick@reddit
My heart goes out to you as you learn to live around the grief of your Mama. I still have my Mom but not my Dad, it hurt so much to lose my father. I’m glad you had wonderful parents.
lemonmeringue68@reddit
I'm sorry😪. My parents divorced when I was a teenager. I lost dad in January of this year and then mom 3 months later. I think I have more anxiety now, I noticed. I will get these weird waves of anxiety for no reason. Will be just about to fall asleep when all of a sudden, a wave of anxiety will go thru my body for no reason🤷♀️.
I feel I am dealing with everything okay, but tbh I don't know if I am.....
Pip_squeak6@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 10 years ago and it doesn’t get any easier, you just learn to navigate the grief differently. Sounds like you had a beautiful upbringing, and a bit similar to mine. Cherish your memories and keep your mum close in your heart, she will always be watching over you.
Vlad_Von_Coomerstein@reddit
Damn for me that’d be great for me. I trade ya places any day of the week.
thymecrown@reddit
I'm glad you had a good relationship with your mom. And I am sorry for your loss.
I will avoid my mother for my personal safety. She can rot.
InteractionInside394@reddit
Nope. No contact after she hit my kids and then justified herself and never apologized.
Wuskers@reddit
32 so pretty firmly millennial but I suddenly had mortality really hit me in the face recently and realizing just how short life can be and people say things like cherish every moment or every day is a blessing and when you're young it kinda feels like just a platitude but it really is true. I've felt pretty ashamed about the fact that I've had to continue living with my folks, but what was initially more of a financial decision now that I'm feeling this way I honestly appreciate all this extra time I get to spend with my folks, and tbh it has kinda killed most of my motive to move out just for the sake of moving out. If I have some strong reason like I get a job opportunity farther away or if I meet someone and want to start my own family then sure, but right now it feels like a win win, it's more economical and I get to spend more time with my folks that I'm starting to properly appreciate. I feel like if I rushed to move out just to be alone in an apartment or with a strange room mate or something, later in life I'd come to wish I had stayed and spent more time with my folks.
brsb5@reddit
Hugs to you. I lost my parents 11 and 8 years ago. I was so much a daddy's girl and when he passed, i thought nothing could hurt more. Then my mom passed 3 years later and I was destroyed. My folks were wonderful and I always knew I was loved.
Hugs to you.
Breezyquail@reddit
😭😭😭😭🌟💫
cholaw@reddit
My condolences to you and your family
miss_parsons_x@reddit
No one prepares you for this. My Dad died very suddenly at the young age of 63 almost 14 years ago and I am still having issues processing it. Sending you a huge hug and condolences.
LegallyBarbie@reddit
I’m so very sorry for your loss. There’s no way to prepare for this, and while her years on many on earth, that doesn’t take away your pain and it actually means you spent more time together, thus even harder to separate… There is no love like a mother’s. Over time all the love she gave you finds a way of expression through the way you live your life and care for others…she gives you a parting gift of herself. Look for signs of her love, they’ll arrive…
Lost my mom in 2022 and feel her loss every day.
Chemical_Ad9069@reddit
My condolences to you OP.
Ironic you should mention hugging your parents extra hard. The last time I saw Mama alive, I did hug her extra hard...but without context. Later that night, my dad called an ambulance. She was unconscious for a month and on a breathing machine. Nearly three weeks in, I had a dream about her. She was visibly shook up and asked me, "is it over?". I told my dad about the dream; he finally agreed to see if she'd breathe on her own. Nope, she decided it was over. But I distinctly remember going home, thinking how that hug felt different. Little did we know...
Transphattybase@reddit
❤️
BeltAdorable@reddit
I would give anything to hug my parents again. My mom passed suddenly in 2010 and my father June of this year
starrwanda@reddit
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mother. I’m a barely Boomer whose Mom is still alive and dread having to go through this. Oddly, I’m most concerned about my Son dealing with my death. We are extremely close to the point of traveling and hanging out together. He’s 30 with no significant other. I’ve been intentionally having all manner of conversations with him. Some deep. Others just allowing him to really get to know me as a person. Still others where he knows that I’m genuinely interested in who he is as a person. I tell him that he should never ask the question “what would Mom say?” when I’m gone. Alzheimer’s is in our family so I worry about disappearing right in front of him. Now I’ve made myself cry! I guess what I’m after is any suggestions to be better at preparing him for this eventuality. We’re working toward him taking over all my assets through a trust. He isn’t thinking that I’m doing this because of anything other than we’re business partners and he is learning from me. I’m sorry for the book.
Any-Situation-8333@reddit
Nope. 😔
AKnGirl@reddit
This post is on my feed the day of my mother’s death also. She sort of went in her sleep but I am the one who found her in the morning. So here I lay thinking about shoulda coulda woulda instead of sleeping. As OP says, hug your parents. Tell them you love them.
TheLawOfDuh@reddit
Sorry for your loss. Lost my dad 10 years ago. We weren’t even real close yet the world seems different without him. He was a good man who did good for a lot of others. Mom has been failing/struggling for over a year. Used to be vibrant, outgoing & always helpful to others. A minor stroke was enough of a scare that she doesn’t trust her body in public much even on her best days so she stays home & mostly sleeps. My sister is closer & is around to help most days. I visit as often as I can but it’s nowhere near enough. I’ve never hugged/kissed her so much because deep down I worry each visit could be our last. Can’t imagine what it’ll be like without her around but I am trying to slowly prepare myself. It’s one of my biggest fears as an adult & we all have to eventually experience it. Enjoy them while you have them
ThoseAreBlueToo@reddit
My mum passed in 2020 quickly, dad followed a few years behind. The night he died I sat outside looking up at the sky thinking how different it seemed. It’s an aching feeling living in a world without your parents.
Character-Food-6574@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss!
GrouchyPreference765@reddit
Both of mine are still here in their mid 70’s. Dad has outlived both of his parents, mom still has a decade to go to beat Grammie.
Both have health issues that are preparing me to be without them both within a decade. I pray I’m wrong.
We’ve lived on opposite coasts for 20+ years, so I only get about 25-30 days a year with them, and I have learned to cherish them more every time.
So yes, however old you are, hug your parents every chance you get. Hard.
OP, my sincere condolences.
I don’t know you, but from your childhood description, it sounds like I am you. Probably most of us here are. So, I’ll join you in raising a glass to Mom. Now, go tell some stories, crank it up to 11, and celebrate your mom Gen X style 🍻🤘🏼
Sea-Morning-772@reddit
So sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 5 years ago. She was 91. I miss her every day. I haven't been the sake since.
Niveama@reddit
As one of the last gen xers (the definition of Xennial), I'm fortunate that I still have both of mine, but it did hit me recently that, I am now older than my dad was when he lost his dad.
It really made me stop and pause for a moment and realise I really need to give my old man a hug.
luvmm@reddit
Hugs
echoromeo19@reddit
So sorry for your loss Mothers are so special, lost mine 14 yrs ago to breast cancer, became an orphan at 60 yrs old. Hold on to those precious memories and never forget the love and time you had with her. Best wishes
Sindorella@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents a few decades ago and I still think of them and miss them every day. Even if it doesn’t feel like it now (and I lost mine parents in my 20s so I don’t know what it’s like to lose them older) the grief does slowly morph into gratitude for the time you had, even if it is always tinged by sadness.
FluffyShiny@reddit
I agree to love them while you can (IF you can). Hug extra long, tell them how you feel, all the things you want them to know. My mum passed 30 years ago and I still miss her. It just gets easier to live with, in this new reality, and doesn't hit as often on the pain button. (ball in a box grief theory). Hugs to you.
krucz36@reddit
well my 70 year old mom is 1500 miles away and i'm not likely to see her for a long time. is it never? great...cool cool cool this will make getting to bed easier ugh
ThirdCoastBestCoast@reddit
I’m very sorry for your loss. Please accept my sincere condolences. May God comfort and strengthen you. 😢🙏🏽💙 💐
Warchild_13@reddit
My condolences, my friend.
I lost my mom in August (day before my birthday no less) & I still haven't figured out how to process it fully but talking helps. I hope you are able to see your way through. 🫂
bboon55@reddit
My 93 y/o Mom passed away 2 days ago, in her sleep in her own bed. Not unexpected at that age but she was doing well and still driving. We knew it could happen any time but you are still not totally prepared. Hard to process, that’s for sure. She had already voted by mail, as she was still lucid. I can’t believe I will never talk to her again.
WalkingOnSunshine83@reddit
Sorry for your loss. I still have both my parents, but a few years ago I began saying “I love you,” a lot more often, because I realized that you never know when may be the last time you speak to someone.
Astyanax1@reddit
Sorry :(
uFFxDa@reddit
This is true even for millennials. My father has stage 4 cancer, and has had 2 strokes in the last 2 months (last one last week). His whole left side lost almost all strength from this last one. Every day terrifies me.
A message for any parents: just because your kids don’t tell you, doesn’t mean they don’t love you or don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for them. I’m absolutely terrible at calling my parents, and terrible at opening my feelings and verbalizing them, and even now I know it will be my biggest regret for the inevitable moment I lose my father any time between tomorrow or in 6 months. That I didn’t tell him enough. That I didn’t visit enough. And now I’m so full of fear even the thought of trying to say anything I’ll just break immediately, and lead him to feeling guilty that life gave him a shitty straw. I do not want him to feel like he’s abandoning me for something out of his control. Or want him feeling helpless that he let me down, because he would do literally anything in his power. But in this he’s powerless. So it’s just a terrible mix of my inability and fear. And I’m sure my mother thinks she annoys me when she calls me. I live a pretty simple life so it’s not much to share or talk about. But each time I am thankful I can still talk to her and that she’s my mother.
In short for you parents out there, kids suck at expressing emotions. They love you and appreciate you, even if they sound annoyed on the phone.
Zealousideal-Ad1181@reddit
I'm so very sorry for this loss OP thank you for that reminder I will!
Left-Star2240@reddit
I’m a young GenX-er. My mom died last year at 68. She’d had several heart attacks, and, during her second multiple bypass surgery, I took a month long leave of absence to be with her. Two weeks after being released from rehab she had a stroke. I made several trips getting her set up in a nursing home. She died two months later.
Interesting_Bet2828@reddit
It’s brutal losing our parents. My mom had health issues most of my life and most of high school was spent helping take care of her. She died early on Covid time and we weren’t able to have services bc of it. I spent the next 2 years drunk just not coping w it at all. Spend the time you have w your parent while you have it.
Sarana70@reddit
I am sorry for yor loss. My father died Tuesday last week. He was 85 and I miss him so much.
Successful_Comfort34@reddit
Sympathies for your loss. Lost mom 2010 and dad not too long ago.
MichelleHobbyist@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. I know the pain all too well. I lost my own mother 8 years ago to lymphoma. She was only 60. It’s not easy, I still have bad days of grief. But I know she is no longer suffering. Try to keep up on your routine. You will have good days and bad days. And take the time you need to grieve, and accept offers to be around people when you can. Isolating yourself can (but not always) make the grief feel worse. In time it won’t hurt so severely although I don’t think the pain ever fully goes away.
Shaolinmunkey@reddit
Hugged my mom twice today, but my dad hosted me in '04. Or rather, that's the year he became a ghost...
Affectionate_Board32@reddit
Whoa. 94. Sounds like she was born around the same time as my Father, 1930, but we lost him Thanksgiving 2005.
Between Katrina and his death ... Feels like bouncing back is impossible or futile. Yes, almost 20 years later and it just doesn't feel right/fit. She/Y'all were blessed to have 94 years as it made me smile
CoopLoop32@reddit
My mom and dad passed within 6 months of each other over 7 years ago. I am still not over it. I know this pain and it still hurts everyday. So very sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find some peace.
RustyGusset@reddit
Kua haere ia ki tōna moenga roa
I lost both of my parents a while back and I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy. Kia kaha.
sorenelf@reddit
Sending love. My mama left me last year, and although I’ve got to the smiles over tears part when I think about her, the pain is just as real as the day she left.
MsbsM9@reddit
Prayers. It really is a profound and unreal feeling. I hope you have peace and all of the support you want and need.
Abraxas_1408@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. I do not take my parents for granted and after years of turmoil we have had an increasingly good relationship. I see them at least once to twice a week and help them out with whatever I can. I hug them when I see them and hug them when I leave. I know when they’re gone, they’re gone.
punkr0ckpapa@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know you, but I feel your pain. My heart goes out to you and your family stay strong she's always going to be in your heart and I'm sure you have fond memories to look back on. I can't say you will get over it like most people try to blow smoke. You just learn to deal with it. I lost my dad 4 years ago and it's still gut wrenching at times. Just remember she loved you and that love will always be there.
Piratical88@reddit
Hugs to you…my dad died at the end of September. He was 94. The funeral is this Friday, and I miss him and my mother so much. She died thankfully just before Covid at 90. They were fun and funny, playful, loving and interesting, and I think about them all the time.
Itsalwaysdarkhere86@reddit
I love my mama so much. I cry when I look at her . I cry because I don't do her proud.
Lonely-Hair-1152@reddit
Sorry for your loss. Lost my mother in Jan 2024 Lost my father April 2015
7LeagueBoots@reddit
Seeing my folks later this month, and am planning on doing just that. My dad is in pretty good health all things considered, but he did go through two absolutely brutal rounds of cancer treatment and was rough on his body for most of his life. He's doing well, but compared to his old self he's looking a bit frail.
My mom is doing better, a bit younger, but she has been battling non-malignant cancer for 30+ years and has a tendency to run herself ragged and hide any issues she has while she tries to take care of everyone around her, related or not.
Both are step-parents due to a very complicated personal family history, but they're mom and dad at this point.
thejesterofdarkness@reddit
Sry for your loss but nah, my bitch-ass egg donor can rot in eternal damnation for the shit she did. The sooner she and her child sex-abusing piece of trash husband are goes the better, I can finally unload my guns.
Impressive-Guava-496@reddit
My mom died 25 years ago and it’s as surreal now as then. Hugs to you.
mazopheliac@reddit
Lost mine to the qult.
Medical-Resolve-4872@reddit
Thank you for your reflection and for your lovely tribute to your mum.
I take your advice to heart, and I pray it comforts you to know that many many people (at my reading a couple thousand) have your mum in their thoughts and very likely in their hearts.
Lola_Montez88@reddit
Both parents and 1 of my 2 brothers are gone. Old age don't mess around.
TomeThugNHarmony4664@reddit
I am so sorry. Lost my own mom this summer. Even at an advanced age (mine too) it’s still hard. You are in my prayers.
MDA1912@reddit
My mom died in 80s and my dad votes for Trump, so I will not be hugging them.
AdministrativeAge685@reddit
I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. I’m glad you had a good life with her, and no doubt you made her proud.
Sadly, my mom sucks.
random420x2@reddit
So sorry for your loss, sure agree with your title. Lost my dad in February and my mom in August. Mom’s loss has just gutted me, although with dementia you Morn the loss of the person while they are still alive, and at least some part of you is happy they are at peace when they pass.
loulou512@reddit
Condolences to everyone that has lost a loved one. I’m in the same boat. There isn’t a day that goes by without me thinking of my mom. Hugs to all.
Easy_Poet_7272@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. Being a motherless person is not easy at any age. I’m glad you were able to be there with her.
007FofTheWin@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. And I’m so scared every day, knowing that this is coming whenever it wants. Appreciating them daily but also paralyzed with fear of what will come. Sending you much strength and love.
ManyRanger4@reddit
This is beautiful and I'm really sorry for your loss. Being that said I have to just say posts like these need to be edited to hug your parents if you have still them AND they were good to you. My parents were both extremely toxic, abusive, narcissistic pieces of shit, that not only abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally (but thank God never sexually), but then as an adult stole $50k from me. So going no contact was one of the hardest things I had to do and one of the best things I've ever done. Many of us have similar stories. So while it's amazing you had these beautiful supportive people in your life and I'm so so sorry for your loss, many of us see this and it's a little triggering because nothing could make me remotely want to hug those monsters ever again and their deaths will be a relief.
Any_Situation3913@reddit
I'M SO SORRY AND KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! Mines died 2 months ago and I'm still struggling. I'm also a Gen X
Blondechineeze@reddit
My sincerest prayers and aloha to you. My 90 year old mom died last month. I'm gutted. She is with my dad now, but it doesn't seem real that she has died. I've picked up my phone to call her so many times. Then it hits me. I will never hear her voice again.
avecmaria@reddit
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Apprehensive-Ad6847@reddit
I'm so sorry, my sister from another mister. Death is an empty room, chair, and void. It is an emptiness like no other because even if it is filled with something else later on, it’s a final subtraction that no addition will mend.
I offer my condolences and pray you receive peace and Tranquillity. I pray your hurt is dulled by memory, not of the subtraction from your life but the addition she made to so many others. Although I did not know her, I have felt the pain of losing a bright star!
The_Great_19@reddit
My mom turns 81 this month. I’m so glad to be seeing her for Thanksgiving. My dad died too young in his 30s. I’m so glad I still have my mom.
DickBanks67@reddit
When my mother was alive and we fought she would say “one day you will wish I was here… my mother and I argued and she would say that to me… and when she was gone I understood she was right”. Well, I now get it too. My mother has been dead for 10 years now, and I would give everything o have to spend another day with her. Life is like that, and it’s only when someone is gone do you truely realize how meaningless the arguments were and how much they meant. I have long told everyone since, be nicer to your parents, show them you love them more often… sadly you will regret it forever if you don’t. I live with regret daily because I didn’t. And find myself sitting on my patio often talking to her in the sky like a lunatic crying.
nv-erica@reddit
I still have both of my parents (1971) so, thank you for your wisdom. I’ll do better tomorrow
Hotsauce4ever@reddit
Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so glad you and your sister could be there for her. ❤️
I’ve had no close friend or relative in my life die….until my mom died last month.
Your words are so wise, and it’s because someone like you said this to me a few years ago that I don’t have regrets. My mom was a wonderful woman, but was poorly for years. If it wasn’t cancer, it was a knee or shoulder replacement, hand surgery, spiral fracture in her leg. This was just in the last few years.
Here are a few things I very consciously did that someone might find helpful:
—I asked her so many questions about her childhood and her life experiences —I got to know some of her friends who she saw as sisters so she could share her joy of these relationships me —When I visited, I would randomly just say how much I liked being with her —Even though I am a better cook than her (and she knew it), I would ask her about some of her recipes and listen intently as she told me stories about them. And then learn them so I could tell her I made something of hers —I never left her house or a phone call with her without saying I love you. For several years now I’ve been anticipating her death and to be honest, every time I said it I consciously thought this might be the last time.
Of course, now I’m crying from writing all this—it’s so hard. I miss her so much. I’m devastated.
I know not everyone has a good relationship with their family and spending time with them would be more harmful than good. I hope for you that you’ll have peace during these times.
Messymomhair@reddit
What beautiful memories you have from your mom and how blessed you were and are the have had her in your life. I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.
No-Estimate999@reddit
Wishing you peace in your heart. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person to celebrate daily. Your message to everyone is sound.. keep them close and love them often. Life is really too short for anything else.
I too was there to watch my Mom pass. It’s was hard but she was also ready. My Mom lives on today in the love and nurture that I teach my children. This way I know the legacy continues.
TMOverbeck@reddit
My sincere condolences. I just lost my father in September so I get what you’re going through. 😔
DetlefBronk@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss!
At the same time, I’m tired of the general …Love/Hug/Cherish your parents posts…..
Not ALL of us had mediocre to good parents. I’m 44, parents are still alive, and I don’t speak to either. They were never married and separated when my mom was pregnant at 19. She was an alcoholic along with my stepdad. He was physically and verbally abusive towards me and she never intervened. My father was successful, had his second family but was never really involved in my life.
I am not complaining by no means. Growing up, I just thought this was common. I’m a veteran with 2 degrees, have a family of my own, and generally feel successful. At the same time, I have ZERO interest in having a relationship with either one.
MassOrnament@reddit
It can be really hard for those of us who can't have a relationship with our parents to hear these kinds of sentiments. Both of my parents are still alive, but one is still the same abusive asshole he was in my youth and the other has a serious disability that affects her mind. Neither relationship will ever get less complicated for me. Of course, there's a part of me that still wishes I could have a relationship like the OP with either of them but the reality is very different.
I don't really know what my point is here. I guess, just to say that you're not alone and reading your comment made me feel like I am not alone, so I appreciate that.
Much-Friend-4023@reddit
"Of course, there's a part of me that wishes I could have a relationship like the OP with either of them"
Here for you. This is what will hit you hard when one of them dies. My mom died a year ago. She wasn't abusive but she was a narcissist and didn't give us the kind of love that OP and others are describing. It was weird for the first couple months as people found out and expressed the kind of sentiments to me about losing the most important person in your life that you're seeing here. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me because I was not experiencing that kind of grief.
10e32K_Mess@reddit
I feel this. My mom was absent for most of my childhood. She was physically present at times, but even then wasn’t “present” if that makes sense. She was mentally and physically abusive, to my brothers and I anyway. She died 5 years ago but there wasn’t a relationship left at that point. I also felt like there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t grieving like one would expect. My little sister was very close to my mom and struggled with her loss. She was born when I was a senior in high school, so we got two different versions of the same woman. Both of us recognized that and supported each other’s feelings. So at least there was that. I guess I already grieved years prior when I realized I would never have the mother we all deserve.
MassOrnament@reddit
Ooh, good point. I'm prepared for whatever feelings I have once they pass but hadn't thought about how weird (to me) other people's reactions will be.
OminousOminis@reddit
Yeah hugging any family member would be uncomfortable and awkward for me due to strained relationships. I always find it strange when people talk about how they love their parents because it's something I have never experienced.
rivoli130@reddit
Thank you for writing this. I feel so guilty and abnormal when I read about healthy families, even though I didn't cause the utterly broken dynamic in mine.
Scarlet-Molko@reddit
Yeah I hear you on that one. My parents have basically shown no interest in me my whole like, so 🤷♀️
rokdabells@reddit
Holding space for you in this. I have a complicated relationship with my parents (and my siblings) so I get you.
IAmTheStaplerQueen@reddit
Yeah, I’m very sorry for anyone who loses a loved one but I think I’ll continue to avoid hugging my mother because she’s an abusive psycho who tried to kill me.
questionabletendency@reddit
*hugs* I lost my mom when I was 21 and my dad before I was 40 after he had years of health issues. I’ll always regret not understanding I was going to lose my mom and tried to remedy that with my dad. I still miss them both and wish I could talk to them and share things with them. Time is fleeting. Take the opportunities when they present themselves because they aren’t endless.
lakas76@reddit
I lost my mom 23 years ago. I lost my dad 5 years ago this Friday. They were 48 and 72 respectively.
Timely-Ad-4109@reddit
So sorry for your loss! It’s inevitable at some point if you outlive them. Both of mine died in the summer of 2020, 7 weeks apart, neither of COVID. It was so surreal and I think I still have a bit of ptsd about it. You’re never ready to be an orphan no matter your age. I used to call them all the time and then to suddenly have no one to call was/is jarring.
ironyis4suckerz@reddit
7 weeks apart. Wow. That is shocking. My mom’s neighbors died days apart. They were both in their 90s (married couple) and were buried at the same time. I always wondered how their kids did with losing both of them at the same time. I talk to my mom several times a day on the phone (she’s in the early stages of dementia). I know that not being able to call at some point will be devastating. Hugs to you.
Honest-Suggestion-45@reddit
I understand that feeling of no one to call. It's terrible.
Emblahblahaf@reddit
I’m not gen x but this popped up for me. I lost my mom in March of this year. It’s hard, and it doesn’t stop being hard. It does get easier to carry with you though. I still miss mine constantly, but I’m able to feel that and keep going now.
I’m sorry for your loss. I wish had better words to help you through it.
DaBokes@reddit
Definitely hug your parents and let them know what they mean to you. Only child who lost both of my parents before they hit 61. My grandpa (dad’s dad) is still alive but went downhill very rapidly after losing my dad. Coming up on 40 but still think about how I thought I had a lot more time. I’m sorry for your loss
Scabrera88@reddit
I am so sorry about your loss. Saying I’m sorry is nothing compared to what you are going through.
Virtual hugs to you.
GWSDiver@reddit
It’s been a year and a half for me since Mom left us. I still can’t believe I can’t call her about my day. 55. My dad died ten years ago. It’s weird being an orphan.
HERE_THEN_NOT@reddit
Yeah. GenX. It's our time now to do the thing. Be graceful.
wickedlees@reddit
For all of my fellow Gen X’rs that have lost parents I am so sorry! My husband & I are blessed to still have both sets. My husband’s are much older and are in independent living, although between the cancer & dementia it’s not good. My folks are on the younger side and thankfully are well. I’m having everyone over for dinner tomorrow. I’m giving them extra hugs for all of you. 😅
SorenPenrose@reddit
My mother kicked me out of the family when she found out I don’t support Trump. If I hug her I won’t stop until her ribs crack and pierce the vacuum where once there dwelt a heart.
Disastrous_Second166@reddit
Oh I'm so sorry for you.
I've lost both my parents and know how difficult it is
PandaBetter8780@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost mine back in 2019. The only thing I can tell you is that it does get easier, but you can be walking around or doing anything, and all of sudden, it will hit you and it will be like day 1 for a while. You will be fine.
lookinatspam@reddit
Disgustingly privileged to assume people have caring parents. "I grew up in a stable, supportive home wahhhh"
Prick
PassComprehensive425@reddit
Lost my mom last year, and I was a latchkey kid myself. I still miss the laugh, and oddly, the lectures that I know came from love but used to drive me crazy. Oh, but to hear one more lecture on why that guy was just not good enough for me. Miss you, mom.
JrzStitches@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lost both of my parents, Dad in 06 and mom in 2016. It doesn't get easier. I have no living siblings. The loneliness is unreal.
Please accept my sincere condolences. May your memories bring you comfort
laurelleaves1@reddit
Lost mine this year too. I keep thinking of things I need to ask her or tell her.
Honest-Suggestion-45@reddit
It's that feeling when something pops into your head and you think oh I have to ask my mom this or I want to tell my mom this and there's no one to call.
VerdantField@reddit
Maybe consider whether it would help to Write it down or take a walk and talk to her.
eaglemg1@reddit
I’m so sorry 😢
BananaOrp@reddit
Younger Gen Xer, lost my dad several years ago and mom several months ago. It never gets better, it just gets a little easier to bear, but never truly heals.
My condolences to all who have lost their parents ❤️
ZealousidealMonk6316@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. Truly sending you love & light. 💐💛
dezertryder@reddit
John 5:28,29
sjdagreat84@reddit
Sorry for your loss 🙏
PuffinOnAFuente@reddit
My mom’s a MAGA. She’ll go to the grave without ever seeing her son again, unless she decides to pull her head out of her ass. Her choice.
BigMoFuggah@reddit
What a dork of of a son your mom has.
Honest-Suggestion-45@reddit
Sorry for your loss. It's the hardest thing ever.
No-Adhesiveness1163@reddit
I’m so sorry 😞
Lucy1967@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died in 2003, but he was 90 and ready (I was born when he was in his 50's). All the things I never really listened to when he talked about the war, his childhood, everything I wish I could ask him so many things about now. My mom was 88 when she passed. She was in a car accident. I was with her in the ER, and was with her until they wheeled her up to her room. She had a broken leg and two broken wrists. The last thing she told me was "you'll have to take care of me". She went to sleep that night and never regained counciousness. I never thought of lose her like that. It's been over 2 years, and I still can't talk about it.
FractiousAngel@reddit
My 88yo mother passed yesterday, as well. She’d been on home hospice, and had significantly declined over the past week, to the point that leaving peacefully in her sleep was a kindness, but still, you’re never ready for a loved one to go, even when it’s somewhat expected.
Sending you my deepest & most sincere sympathies on the loss of your beloved Mama. She’ll always be with you in your heart, and in your cherished memories.
i-am-pepesilvia89@reddit
My mom is staying with me after her house burned down (on mother's day too of all fucking days) I thank God she made it out alive. And although she is very sad, I still try to tell her how much she means to me every day.
I'll make sure to give her a big hug tomorrow! I also just got her a Elvis Christmas ornament so when her house is rebuilt she can start making new memories for the holidays. (The ones I made as a kid were lost in the fire too)
CarlaQ5@reddit
Deepest sympathies to all of you who are dealing with this loss.
I don't know if it gets easier or if you just accept it one day and carry on.
redneckcommando@reddit
Sorry for your loss.
myystic78@reddit
I'm so sorry, my deepest condolences.
I've been caregiving for my 81 year old mom and 83 year old dad for a long time and I've seen a dramatic drop in both of their health this past year. It's terrifying to me to face the inevitable but I know it's coming. I hug them extra tight all through the day.
Hugs from a fellow gen x internet stranger ❤️
bluefin788@reddit
sorry for your loss ♥️
FlyBuy3@reddit
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and healing. 💜
calicancer77@reddit
My deepest condolences for the loss you have suffered.
evilgeniustodd@reddit
lost them both to Trump's cult
COVID19Blues@reddit
Massive condolences.
My dad’s birthday is tomorrow, he’ll be 73. My mom is the same age. I’m thankful for every moment that I get with them because any day it could end for any of us. I’m super happy OP that you have great memories and we’re very loved by your mom. Hopefully, you and your sisters can lean on one another in this uncertain time while celebrating your parents’ lives rather than mourning their deaths. I’m an only child and am actively dreading the day anything happens to either parent. Time will heal, as it tends to do, but some holes in our hearts will never go away, requiring us to live a new normal. I hope in due time your family’s new normal will be one of love for one another cemented by the best memories of your folks❤️
Jacobysmadre@reddit
My dad died in 1991 and we were all devastated. At 46 it was shocking. My mom died in February 2023 at the age of 77. Still hard, but knowing that she was ready is helpful (to me anyway). It is starting for the majority of us now… Our parents are aging. It’s normal, but can be so hard. OP, I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace and heal quickly.
RealWolfmeis@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. May her memory be a blessing.
Sp00kReine@reddit
Love to all of you who have lost one or both parents. It's weird to be in my fifties and have so few in my family left. I think of my mom every day-she died in 2016, at 93.
wutafuta@reddit
Sorry for your loss. I just lost my father and I'm still struggling he killed himself after going through some tough health problems. I'm struggling to get the image out of my head. I'm taking it one day at a time. 😞
HeartoftheHive@reddit
I know my parents care, but I'm not sure if my parents even know what love is. I feel like they both came from very traditionalist families and got married and had kids out of obligation more than anything. I never see my parents showing any outward affection, for themselves or for myself and my sister.
When my parents pass, I'm not sure what I will even feel. I was devastated when I had to put my elderly dogs down. And I think I held more emotion for my dogs than my parents.
I'm glad for everyone that grew up with loving parents. I have no idea what that is like.
AerynBevo@reddit
I’m so sorry. The seventh anniversary of my mother’s death is coming up. It doesn’t matter that you watched her decline and know she’s happy now. It still hurts.
Big hugs.
HelltownHero619@reddit
Losing my mom was tough. Hang in there and hopefully we'll all see our mamas again someday.
HH619
JillyB3@reddit
I’ve lost both of my parents and step parents. My dad in 2007, step dad and step mom, in 2020. She was actually my dad’s ex girlfriend and her husband, my stepdad, became friends with my dad and he stepped up when dad passed. My birth mom in 2021.
Talk about them. Laughter is healing. Remember the funny things and share them. Don’t beat yourself up for smiling or laughing. Let yourself grieve. There is no timeline. You will always ache, but time mellows that ache. Surprise crying jags are normal. So is anger. You allowed to be angry. At God, at the world and 100% at your parents for taking them/leaving you. It’s normal. I can still hear my daddy’s voice 17 years later. That ache is still there. Time allows me to heal enough to get through the days. Remember to breathe. Allow yourself to scream. Cry. Tears are healing. Remember, this is YOUR journey and no one can do it for you. One day and step at a time and I promise you will get to the day where you will have a smile on your face and a real laugh at a funny memory. Above all, know you will be okay. Sending love and hugs to you.
Useful-Badger-4062@reddit
Really sorry for your loss, OP. 💔
LeopardSilver9868@reddit
My mom just passed on the 16th in her sleep.
RenegadeDoughnut@reddit
i'm so sorry you're going through that. my parents had me young and they are both only in their mid 70s. i'm dreading the day when they slow down more than their peers. i'mma text them both now to tell 'em i love them.
meowmeowbeen@reddit
You got 30 more years than I did with my dad. And his last 15 were chronic illness and pain. Suck it up
SICKOFITALL2379@reddit
I’m so sorry, and I thank you for this post. My Dad was life-flighted to a larger city yesterday morning for emergency heart surgery and it’s now time for me to step in and do my best to look after him and keep stress and burdens off my Mom, which I am grateful and very willing to do. We need these reminders to hug/call/love our elderly parents if we are still blessed to have them with us.
Bless you and bless your Mama. Thank you for sharing this and for the profoundly important reminder.
swefnes_woma@reddit
My parents sort of sucked. They were the “we gave you food and a house. Job done!” Types
QueenOfCrayCray@reddit
So sorry for your loss. Losing parents is harder than you think it will be. I lost my mom this past June. My dad has been ready to go ever since.
Sending positive vibes your way!
moooeymoo@reddit
Hugs to you. My mom died in 2019, I was lucky enough to be with her when she passed. Dad died in 2007. Hubby has both his parents and really doesn’t understand. I still cry pretty much daily , we need our moms.
OpenMicJoker@reddit
Please accept my condolences.
CynicalOne_313@reddit
I'm so sorry, sending condolences OP <3.
It's hard. I've lost both my parents - both unexpectedly - dad young at 42 (I was 13) from a heart attack and mom at 64 due to strokes and terminal lung cancer.
Canik716kid@reddit
May your higher power bless you and your family 🙏🏼
Humbled_Humanz@reddit
My mom has had memory issues and I’ve been having to grieve her for four years and she is still alive. It’s very strange and I hope I can punch my card before anything like that happens to me.
igfootba@reddit
I'm in the same boat with my mom, and I also hope I can deal with it myself before it's too late. Hang in there, I'm sorry you're going through it.
Humbled_Humanz@reddit
I’m sorry too. Like honestly this is bullshit.
eaglemg1@reddit
Sounds like my MIL. I’m sorry. It’s so hard to watch.
Humbled_Humanz@reddit
PS sorry for your loss — this all just sucks:
Other_Perspective_41@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss and I know what your are going through. My mother passed in August at the age of 78. She was a wonderful mother, grandmother, and her loss is felt by so many of us. I can’t go more than a few hours without thinking about her. The hardest part is that I sometimes think that I need to call her only to remember that she is gone all over again.
Antonin1957@reddit
I have been where you are. Condolences to you and your family. I agree that everyone who still has parents should hug them and tell them how much you love them.
Spend some time doing and saying simple, ordinary, loving things. Make sure you do not leave anything unsaid.
scorpionfunguy@reddit
I'm so sorry. I lost my last parent, my dad, in May. My mom's been gone since 2018. I did not have any siblings. It's very lonely. I wish you peace in this tough time. It's very hard. Especially with the holidays coming up. I'm really not into them this year. This will be the first Xmas and Thanksgiving without them. God bless.
Theomniponteone@reddit
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom at the end of February and her older brother a couple months after. Lost my dad in 09. It takes some time to return back to some sort of normalcy. If you can talk to a grief councilor you should give it a try. Stay strong my friend.
Petty_Paw_Printz@reddit
I know nothing anyone can say will take the pain and sorrow away but I found this quote about grief and loss to bring such comfort and soothing in the hour of need. I'll leave them here and continue to keep you in my thoughts. My greatest condolences to you and your family during this time of immense grief.
"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
Vast-Government-8994@reddit
This is beautiful 😍
LissyVee@reddit (OP)
That is so beautiful and profound. I read it to my sister who is sitting with me. Now you've made us both cry. But thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. I will treasure it
Glass_Author7276@reddit
You have my deepest sympathies. I lost my wife 2 weeks ago.
Coffee_Cardio@reddit
Any insight on how I can create a good bond that’s “enough” with my teen daughter? We struggle together but I want to be the kind of mom that she feels sad when I’m gone. A loving bond that’s missable.
Ok_Farmer_6033@reddit
My parents are 80 and 83 and I really can’t fully grasp that they’ll be gone someday.
ChickinInaBizkit42@reddit
I’m so sorry. 😞
Electrical_Fishing81@reddit
My mom passed on 12/23/18 at 635pm. She told me on Friday (while in hospice) that she was watching the Bears game on Sunday and dammit she did. Her last breath was minutes after they ended. Dad is still with us and doing ok - will be 75 on 11/27.
BagLady57@reddit
I was lucky enough to hug both my parents (and both my step-parents) today.
Alkivar@reddit
I feel your pain OP...
I lost my mom in 2009, her father in 2010, my father's father in 2016, my father in 2019 and my father's mother in 2019. my mom's mom is in hospice now aged 97.
it does get easier with time... but it never goes away.
priminspire@reddit
I am so for you loss 💜 My 94 year old father passed in March. My thoughts are with you & so many hugs 🫂 💕
fromamomof2@reddit
Mt mom passed about 3 months ago. One of the first things I did was csll one of my best friends and apologized to her. She lost a parent recently and I told her I had no idea how much pain she was in. You can empathize but until you lose a parent who have no idea of the heartache and even physical pain it causes. I have my moms memorial pic in my stairwell and everyday on the way up to my office I scream why are you dead??? Her passing has fundamentally changed me as a person.
Lonely-Clerk-2478@reddit
So sorry for your loss.
AcademicCollection56@reddit
👏👏👏👏👏
Responsible_Moose171@reddit
Oh, internet hugs to you. I lost my dad and now only have my mum, it's a strange feeling when you lose a parent, like a whole part of you is gone, but a part of you, you didn't really know and with it went memories of your life you didn't have, and will never know. Please take it easy on yourself. Grief is not linear, and the loss of a parent is like no other pain. I can not imagine what it would be like to lose my mum. Fly high o/p's mum.
60_cycle_huh@reddit
🙏🏻 i know how you feel, sorry for your loss
cavia_porcellus1972@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum last Thursday afternoon. She heard me take my first breath and I heard her take her last. 💔
Archiemalarchie@reddit
I wish I'd be as lucky as you. I never grieved for either of my parents when they died.
MeMeMeOnly@reddit
I tell people all the time, before your parents die you need to do two things: 1) tell them you love them, and 2) get every recipe for any dish you loved because after they’re gone you’re going to miss those recipes. It took my sister and me over ten years before we finally got my dad’s oyster dressing figured out. I finally figured out my mom’s stuffed artichoke recipe about five years ago. I’m still trying to figure out how my dad made his olive salad.
jengaclause@reddit
My condolences!! Today is my mother's first anniversary of her death. It's been an emotional one. I'll light another candle for your mum too.
lizadawg@reddit
My mom died 2 years ago on the 17th. I still have not had the guts to go get her ashes from my brother's house. I'm scared it will bring back to many memories, and the finality of her really being gone.
AstoriaRocks@reddit
Hell yeah! I wish I still had mine. Dad died in 2012 of a heart attack at 72,and caner got my mom in 2019 at 70. I miss them both so much!
Patience247@reddit
I lost my precious mom in 2020 at 84. I still cry for her. I miss her so so much and wish I had more time with her. No matter how old you get, you still feel like an orphan when they’re gone. Sorry for your great loss ❤️😞 Sending hugs.
PolarBear_605@reddit
Sorry for your loss, I lost my mom back in 2018 and it still hurts from time to time as familiar memories come up.
Signal_Violinist_995@reddit
Hugs to you. Similar here - both of my parents gone - ripe old ages. I still miss them both. And I wish more than anything I had appreciated them more for all of the sacrifices they made for us kids. All the unconditional love they had for us. If you get a chance - tell them.
Sebastian_dudette@reddit
Dead parents club sucks. My condolences on your loss.
Mother died a little over a year ago. Losing the 2nd parent was so much worse.
PeripheryExplorer@reddit
Coming up on a year this February. First thanksgiving and first Christmas to come.
No_Construction5455@reddit
I fully understand. My mom passed my senior year in HS from cancer. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her, but I counter that with the fact she isn't suffering from the cancer she had. Dad went on a 13 year suicide via alcohol after that. Miss him too just as much, and feel the same about his no longer suffering the effects of war, and losing her too.
Far-Elk2540@reddit
Sending condolences- just keep remembering all the love and memories. Speaking from experience- time does heal.
sevenonone@reddit
Sorry for your loss.
I went through this in the last couple of years. It was sudden, and my mom wasn't old by today's standards. It really rattled me for a while.
I'm better now. What I'm trying to say is that it gets better.
PuzzleheadedWeird402@reddit
My deepest condolences for your loss. I lost my mom 11 years ago and still miss her dearly. 😞
CurrentSoft9192@reddit
Fuck my parents. Pair of selfish, abusive cunts.
everlasting_torment@reddit
I’m glad you had a mom you cherished. Some of us didn’t. My mom is still alive and I’m just managing her.
Conscious_Poem1148@reddit
I’m so sorry I understand. I lost my mom suddenly in 07’. The pain never truly goes away. ♥️♥️♥️🙏🏽
illegalt3nder@reddit
Fuck that. My parents suck all the suck there is to suck. I’m sorry for YOUR loss, but not every death is cause for mourning.
I will be celebrating when my parents eat it. They. It’s are utter trash and have damaged me and other people for many decades. Fuck them.
TrevorAlan@reddit
I was 25 when I lost both my parents. 2 years apart, 45 and 47yrs old.
I’ve given the same advice to some on the Gen X and older millennial cohorts. Mine were both sudden and unexpected. You just never know.
igfootba@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. My mom has late stage dementia and has been dying slowly over the past five or so years. It's a terrible thing to reckon with.
It sounds like you've got a beautiful relationship to look back on, and I hope that brings you some comfort.
Chzncna2112@reddit
I lost my mom about 7 days after I turned 6. 54 now. I regularly see people getting close to my age talking about how great their parents are and they live across town. I instantly try and convince them to do something for or with their parents. (while trying to keep anger/exasperation out of my voice.) They are really close, when I would give anything for one more hug. Or hear my mom's voice.
idanrecyla@reddit
I am so very sorry for your loss, I wish there were words that provided greater comfort, I now know there aren't really. My beautiful, incomparable, mother, passed a few months ago. We were extremely close, I was caring for her. I am utterly bereft, beside myself in grief. Every single thing looks different, feels different, i can't explain it. She was my mother and my baby too. Hug the loved ones you can, I'd give anything to
TypewriterPilot@reddit
I haven’t lost a parent yet and I am so scared for what’s coming. Condolences on your loss.
21stCenturyJanes@reddit
I‘m sorry.
Exploding_Gerbil@reddit
My heart is open to you & sending gentle support. No words, truly, convey the ache. Wishing you the strength to get through the coming days. My true & heartfelt condolences on your loss.
Fluffy-Caramel9148@reddit
I am so sorry. I still miss my mom.
High-flyingAF@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Lastaria@reddit
Really sorry for your loss.
Lost my Mum in January and still not easier yet. I still cry every day. And today is the 4th anniversary of my Dad’s death.
I wish I had hugged my parents more. I wish I had spent more time with Dad.
EDH70@reddit
I’m so sorry! So sorry. ❤️
ernurse748@reddit
I’m so truly sorry for your loss. And I love reading so many happy posts from adults who were loved and treated with respect and caring by their parents. It’s happiness to know that there are so many loving families out there.
A lot of us weren’t so fortunate. When my mother goes, I won’t be shedding a single tear. She was and is angry, cruel, and a total narcissist. But then, she did teach me who not to be.
Low-Teach-8023@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. My father passed a year ago. I lived 3 hours away and got home fairly often but still think I could have visited more.
Rampant_Coffee@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother would be proud and moved to read such a beautiful tribute to her. Wishing you peace through your grieving.
Shellbell204@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom passed about a year ago. I still have my dad and try to do anything he asks of me.
stoner-bug@reddit
Fuck (and I cannot stress this enough) MY parents.
ewok_lover_64@reddit
I get it. Mom passed in 2012 and dad passed in 2015. BlI still miss them.
DangleofDoom@reddit
Sorry for your loss. My mom is still kicking around, but has a lot of health issues. I make sure she hears frequently how much I appreciate her doing everything solo for me as a kid.
LordOfEltingville@reddit
I wish you peace, and I hope you find joy and comfort in your memories of her.
Pitiful-Complaint-35@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you that you get over it. Great loves change you forever in both life and death. It's closer to the truth to say that you will at last come to a peace with it. It's probably different for everyone. My Mom died in 2017, the day after I'd talked with her on the phone. To say I was unprepared for this was an understatement.
The most important thing I've learned from this experience is that if you love someone, tell them. And tell them every time you see them and talk to them. . It does you good to say it. And no one gets tired of hearing that they are loved. I loved my Mom and she loved me. We often said it to each other.
OhSoSoft@reddit
Our parents teach us so much, but now how to live without them. It's coming up on 8 years without my dad, I am terrified of losing my mom, as I did not handle my grief well the first time & it took years to begin to process. I damaged relationships along the way from isolating myself. I'm very sorry for your loss, take your time, be gentle with your self & please feel your feelings, and lean on those who care ❤️
TheGOODSh-tCo@reddit
Lost both parents (60s) in the last 3 years and both grandparents (90s).
Mom just passed 2 months ago. It’s surreal.
Sending you hugs and love for healing. ❤️🩹
EVILtheCATT@reddit
I lost my mom in ‘21. She was 68 years old. Lost my dad when he was 39. I still feel lost.
Acceptable_Stop2361@reddit
So sorry for your loss. I know how it feels. I'm glad she made 94, that's a long life.
No_Surprise_9342@reddit
Yes hug them tight and never take for granted that they will always be near you because our days we have them are truly the best and are blessed. I lost my mom in August, my younger brother on Oct 21st and my dad 20 years ago. Just last week, I found my best friend (my dog) has bladder cancer and only weeks to live. It’s been a tough ride as of late, but to repeat, always cherish your loved ones
ChemistryWise9031@reddit
Lost mum when I was 9 years old to cancer and then lost my dad in 2017 to the same disease. Mum was 46 and dad was 80, just. Dad lived long enough to bury one of his kids, which I think was unfair. Mums death really screwed my family though. I remember as a kid we were a united front (mum and dad had seven kids and I'm the youngest) but after she passed it was like the glue that held us together crumbled. I don't really speak to any of my brothers or sisters now. Not through my choice either. They all decided years ago that they were done with the family. I don't understand it. Mum would fucking hate what we became. Anyway....
Susiejax@reddit
Sincere sympathy 💞🙏🏻
ave427@reddit
Very solid advice. I lost my parents in 2014 and 2017. Think of them every day.
Xrsyz@reddit
A big hug. She’s in another room. She will always be with you—in you. She’s just in another room. Until you meet again.
RetiredHappyFig@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. My parents died in 2020 and 2021. I still miss them both terribly. I wish I could still call or visit and ask for their advice.
Anxious-Basket-494@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m a baby gen-X (‘79) but lost both my parents before I was 40. It’s a loss you never quite get over, be gentle with yourself - you will always carry them with you.
Ok_Double2707@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss.
ZealousidealShop7386@reddit
Hang In there! Cry all u want. Don’t let anyone tell u not to. U go thru all the feelings. It’s hard for sure. I lost both my parents and my sister.
home_dollar@reddit
Peace and love
nothingToSeeHere_987@reddit
So blessed are you who had so much time with a wonderful Mom ❤️ 94 is an amazing run and to be there to help her pass, the Universe will not forget.
It won't make it easier but here are my thoughts on parents passing: year one, especially holidays are hard. You think of the passage and loss. Year too, harder because you have had time to process and almost "forget" but then the "what abouts" begin. The thoughts of things you wish you had asked sneak up. It sucks worse.
But , much as you were taught, you will survive. You will move on. You will still grieve, but in a new way. You will pass on the amazing stories. You will share greatness of the past. You will GenX the F out of the best of it all and pass it on so time is not forgotten and the new generations will know the best way forward.
nygrl811@reddit
Lost my dad last year, still haven't processed it. Couldn't imagine losing my mom yet, not like we're ever really ready.
Sending internet hugs to you and all the others in this post sharing their stories of loss. Wishing us all hope and peace in this new normal!
bettyplease@reddit
I'm so sorry.
rapt2right@reddit
Oh, Honey, I am so sorry. Nothing can prepare you for this loss . I am very, very glad for you that you were there with her at the end. As weird as that might sound, I have held too many of my friends while they sobbed with all the guilt and questions that you & I are spared . I wish you peace.
Legal_Scientist5509@reddit
We lost my FIL last month. It is so hard even when you know they were sick. Saying goodbye is so sad. Sending you love!
Ebo_72@reddit
Lost my mom about a year and a half ago. She had really let herself go for the last several years. That was the hardest part. She spent the last years of her life basically sitting in the same chair in the living room watching TV all day every day. Since she refused to get to and move any more than she absolutely had to movement became harder and harder for her. My family was living in the same house with her (the house I grew up in, and now mine) so that she could continue to live at home and not have to go to a nursing home or other care facility. It’s hard to not feel like we enabled her decline by catering to her needs, but no amount of encouragement or pressure would change her ways. This was an amazingly intelligent and vibrant woman, if never the most athletic. The harsh reality is that by the time she died, at home with us around her, it was almost a relief. I miss her every day, but the fact is that she had started to slip away years earlier and had become a fragile ghost of the mother I knew.
LissyVee@reddit (OP)
Oh, this hit me right in the feels. You could be describing my Mum. She loved an adventure and to get out and about but her whole world shrank to her armchair and the lounge room in the last month. She wasn't enjoying life at all.
Ancient_Being@reddit
Same. Mom died at 69 in January. Hurts like nothing else ever. I’m sorry to all other of us who’ve lost parents. It never gets easier.
emilythequeen1@reddit
I’m sorry. May dad died years ago at 64, after a horrible 8 year illness. It’s a hard thing no matter when it happens we’re not entirely ready.
Millie2480@reddit
So sorry for your loss
Decemberjoiner1@reddit
Sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom a year ago, still seems like yesterday.
Cocojo3333@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s tough. I lost my mom in 2020. I was just grateful she was in her home and I was with her when she passed. It was right in the middle of Covid and she could have died alone if I had put her in assisted living. Thank goodness I couldn’t do it. She died in her home of 60 years, listening to Elvis singing gospel music and me, her only child by her side rubbing her feet and hands. Such a gift I got to be with her.
Bunnawhat13@reddit
I lost my mum when I was young. I am older now than she ever got to be. It really let me know that life was very short. All healing love to you and yours.
VABch-Red_Raider88@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Bitter-Ad-6709@reddit
Thanks a lot you bastards. Since I'm OCD I had to read everybody's comments and I got teary eyed on every third or fourth one. I won't admit how many times I had to blow my nose.
(deep breath)
I too, understand your pain OP, and wish I could say or do something to make the situation better. Make you feel whole again, but I can't. All the internet hugs, real hugs, and internet "I'm sorry"s in the world won't change a damn thing.
All you can do is be grateful she lived as long as she did. Be happy she died at home with family. Remember the tons of great memories you have, and cherish all the wonderful ones. Like celebrating birthdays, Halloween trick-or-treating, Thanksgivings, Christmas's, New Years, school graduations, maybe going to all your sports games, or how she was right there when you fell down and skinned your knees. The list is probably endless how many times she was always there for us. Literally enough stories to fill a lifetime.
It's hard to image there will never be any more stories.
But, knowing your mom, our moms, my mom, I bet she wouldn't want you to be grieving and sad forever over her loss. She'd want you to live your life, go have fun, go make more and better memories. She'd want you to enjoy life and be happy. Because that's what makes her happy. (Just like she had to do when her mom / dad passed.)
Death stinks, it hurts a LOT; maybe even takes a part of your heart with it everytime we lose a close friend or relative. There's not a dang thing we can do about it! (I wish there was.)
About the only comforting thing I can share is this. We will all die. We don't know when, or how, but it's inevitable. Sooner or later it will catch us. Hopefully we all go peacefully at home, near the 100 year mark (give or take).
When it does get us, it's only taking our bodies. Our mind, our spirit, our heart, our state of being lives on. We move on from this crappy life (due to all the bad things in it), and onto the next one. Which is going to be 10x better, and without any bad things. Just us, all of our friends + family members who went before us, and an unimaginable amount of love, laughter, joy, and happiness, forever.
Our time on Earth is just a practice run for the real life that comes next. And when you or I get there.... It's going to be a party!! With all your friends, aunt's, uncle's, grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, siblings, and other people we haven't seen in a very long time. They're all celebrating our arrival. Because they've thought of us, loved us, and missed us, for longer than we have them.
My condolences to your loss OP, and I'm sorry you're going to be without another "loved one" for a while. But I promise you this. The pain you're feeling now will be sooooo worth it, the next time you see them at your surprise party. Because this instance, this situation, this is just your mother going to her surprise party.
🥳🥰🧡😊
Luxemode@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom is 92 and I try to remember this every day, tommorow is never promosed
yramha@reddit
In the process of trying to coordinate a weekday "weekend away" trip with my mom (73) bro (37) and I (39). I'm really happy we have become friends in our adult lives.
Sunflower971@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
wilstar_berry@reddit
My parents and my brother are gone. 52 year old genx here.
I'm thankful they took so many pictures. Also that I recorded videos of them. Did a couple mock interviews, asking them questions and recording their answers. Someday I'll watch those videos and I'm glad they are in my grief reserve.
Annieloo2@reddit
I’m coming up to the 1st anniversary of my mom passing. To say we had a complicated relationship would be putting it lightly. We spent probably the last 2 years of her life barely speaking. I don’t regret it because I needed to heal - but I still wish things would have been different. We reconciled probably 8 months before she passed as she was going in for heart surgery and I knew in my bones it wasn’t going to end well. After her surgery she got worse instead of better and our relationship was the best it ever was in that time. She was human and imperfect - just as I am. The strong, opinionated woman had grace and I think for the first time I realized how much she actually loved me. I wanted to give her every bit of care that I could and advocate for her. I did everything I could for her in those last months and spent the last day of her life with her. I watched her slip away and the heart of our family is now silent. My dad is devastated and facing his own health problems. When stuff happens with my 2 girls in their teens it is not the same talking to dad. Mom was 76 and “too young” in my eyes. She had so much more she wanted to do and grandkids she wanted to see reach more milestones. Her grandkids were her everything. What I would give to roam around a mall with her or have lunch. What would give to argue with her or walk into my parents home and her answer back when I call out “Hi mom”. I still feel like I’m going to see her or talk to her again. I can’t believe she is gone. Just passed my first BD with no call from her, always at my birth time, every year. I played her a song this year and hoped somehow she would hear it. OP is correct. Hug them. If you think you have the ability to reconnect if things aren’t good- do it. Don’t wait. I miss my mom. Hugs to all for your losses.
rsv_757@reddit
I wish my parents were as great as some of yours! Mine are divorced when I was 15 my pop banged my mom’s life long friend! After divorce we were NOTHING more than dolllar signs to each of them! Nothing has changed in last 31 years! I treat my wife and 3 sons like no other! Never going to be like my family growing up!
doesnotexistghost@reddit
I am deeply sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you.
Silent_Trade271@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies.
Vast-Government-8994@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss...lost my stepdad 10 yrs ago, mom 7 years ago, followed by my dad a year later...then both god parents 😥
Mom was my best friend & some days im ok, other days it hits me like a train how much I miss her!
Definitely hug them a little tighter, listen to their stories another time, and ask them questions about their childhood! Once they are gone, they are gone
We're at the age where they aren't going to be around forever! 🫶💜
Inevitable-Ad-90@reddit
Sorry for your loss…..
Mollysmom1972@reddit
It is the strangest and hardest thing in the world, grasping that my parents are gone. It’s like floating around on the ocean with no anchor and no harbor. My mom died very young, but I just lost my dad two years ago and I still cannot wrap my brain around it. He was the one person on the planet who always, always had my best interest at heart. I may not always have liked his advice, but I could always be absolutely certain it was what he believed was best for me, with no other agenda. I did almost all my growing up without my mom (I was 20 when she died), so she wasn’t here for me to learn to count on. But my daddy! I lost my husband very young too, and my daddy was my rock. I miss him desperately every single day, and my daughters do too. I am so damn jealous of friends who have their parents!
I’m so sorry. I get it. We are never quite grown up enough to be orphans.
vaughnbee@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending a big virtual hug. I lost my dad in May- it’s incredibly hard but it eases up a bit after some time.
babyfaceg10@reddit
I completely feel this. Also Gen X. Latch key kid. Had THE BEST childhood growing up. We didn’t have money but I didn’t lack for ANYTHING. We just didn’t go on bougie vacations. Our idea of a vacation was piling in the station wagon and driving to Virginia Beach to stay in a motel for five days and it was the BEST. I wouldn’t trade one day of my childhood for ANYTHING. 11 years ago on September 29, 2013 I was at the Atlanta Falcons Sunday night game. They were playing the Patriots. My phone rang at 10:50PM to tell me my dad, at 66 years old was dead. He went upstairs to “try to find me at the football game” my mom went up an hour later and he was gone. No warning. Nothing. It was by far, the absolute worst moment of my life. I can’t explain the pain i felt and still feel not having my dad. My forever cheerleader and forever person. I miss him every, single, day. He died 3 weeks before my parents 45 wedding anniversary.
I hate that I never said goodbye to him. I actually used to call and talk to him every day, because he would pick up the phone, he didn’t pick it up that day, my mom did, so I was rushed and said “tell dad I’ll talk to him tomorrow” I never had that chance. huge regret of mine.
Anyways, long winded way to say I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain and I echo everything you say. Appreciate every second you have with your parents, and really your loved ones in general. I have become REALLY close to my mom and have significant anxiety about something happening to her, BUT I also try to spend every second I can with her.
Love on your loved ones. Give hugs. Say I love you. Forgive and remember life is so short💜
Picture of me, my dad and my older sister!
CraZisRnewNormal@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Spiritual_Victory541@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom died unexpectedly at the age of 67 almost 4 years ago. I miss her and wish I could still love on her every day.
exitpursuedbybear@reddit
Hugged my mom for the last time in August. My sympathy OP.
ompompush@reddit
It sounds like you have a wonderful family who mran the world to you. I am sorry for your loss. Thank goodness for the love and memories you have shared. To be there for her at the end meant the world I am sure.
ZogemWho@reddit
So sorry for your loss.. I was fortunate enough to get to town and have some ‘quality’ time.
pinkspatzi@reddit
My mom died two years ago, and I think about her every day. I miss her hugs desperately - they fixed everything.
Key_Inevitable_5201@reddit
My condolences!
Calm_Age3582@reddit
I’m so sorry. You have my condolences. I lost my mom (87) in August 2023. My dad passed several years prior. Losing a parent is hard. It’s been a year-and I am struggling harder now than when it first happened. It is a weird type of lonely -if you had good parents-you’ve lost the two people who were always in your corner-your cheerleaders ( in their own way). That’s the hardest part.
JoJoGranum@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. My dad is in his late 80s newly diagnosed with stage 1 cancer. It’s scary
Initial-Tower2509@reddit
Doesn’t matter how old I’ll be when they pass I just know I’ll feel like an orphan. RIP to your Ma, I’m glad you have those wonderful memories and your sisters.
Beautiful_Home_5463@reddit
Sorry for your loss. My mom passed in 21 and so did my biological father. My adoptive father passed this July. Even though we weren’t particularly close it still hit hard. My wife lost her mom in 92 and her dad in 96. It takes time but it will get better.
Kajunn@reddit
Deepest condolences to you and your family.
Ok-Abbreviations9212@reddit
Sorry to hear about your mom. My mom died a couple years ago mid-pandemic. The hardest part was just not being able to have a funeral for 7 months.
My dad died about a decade prior. It's a definite different feel to have no parents. I really don't have any family anymore quite honestly.
You'll get through it. We all do. When both your parents are gone it's sort of this new stage of life that takes some getting used to. After 3 years now I'm still not sure I'm fully used to it.
spillingstars@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad two weeks ago. I'm still processing it too.
Mekky3D@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. It is strange isn't it? Parents who you always deemed as invincible just dying. I always felt like that wouldn't happen to me until I found my dad dead in his bed last year. Thank God we had a fun conversation the night before and, even though he died young and I didn't manage to resuscitate him, I don't really regret much. I just miss him that's all.
Lighteningbug1971@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss . My mom died in 2019 and she was 92 . Daddy died in 1982 he was 61. Allow yourself to grieve and there is no set time on grief . It took me years to kinda be normal or just somewhat normal again . It’s ok . And again I’m so so sorry .
Cantech667@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. It’s difficult when everything is so fresh.
I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of my father‘s passing. My mother passed away earlier last year. I read somewhere that tears get replaced by smiles, and I found that to be true, but there is still that deep sense of loss. When they passed, I told my siblings that our parents had lost their parents, and now it was our turn. All part of the cycle of life.
I hope that she had a chance to live a full and happy life. From what you’ve described, you had a happy childhood. No doubt your parents had a lot to do with that. I wish you all the best, and my sincere condolences.
Mediocre_Method_4683@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. Be grateful for the years you had with her. She's still in your heart.
93wasagoodyear@reddit
I'm genx my mom died at 46 but she'd be I think 67 if she were still alive.
Lokasathe@reddit
I'm 26, I've seen all four of my grandparents and both of my parents pass away. If you are the youngest, you will likely bury a lot of people. There will be pain but you will persevere because that is what humans do. Please hug them. Have them write stories, or just record them talking about past jobs, and historical events.
West_Egg3842@reddit
It’s truly so hard. My mom passed away really unexpectedly this year, at 61. It’s been about 5 months and it still feels like I’m on autopilot. My dad was waiting for her though and they’re finally back together after almost 30 years❤️
libationsnation@reddit
so tough losing a parent. sending good tidings your way. my mother passed 17 years ago and it is still odd navigating life without her. but it does get easier
DevilsPlaything42@reddit
My mom died in 89. My dad was a drug-dealing pedophile.
Neither-Competition3@reddit
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and all who have lost a parent.
My dad passed recently and miss him so much.
Hugs OP.
Solid5of10@reddit
I’m so sorry honey. Keep the memories alive
WickedWitchofHR@reddit
Peace and love to you and yours.
je5300@reddit
Sending you virtual hugs. I'm glad you and your sister were there at the end and that she went peacefully.
Seraph782@reddit
I lost my mom at 15 then my dad at 17. I'm 46 now and it still breaks my heart that they didn;t see me accomplish all that I have but my daughter acts so much like my mom it's scary
rumbellina@reddit
Big hugs to you. I lost my mom suddenly 15 years ago and even though you know inevitably that you will most likely outlive your parents, you’re still unprepared when the time comes. I am so sorry. I hope her love and your memories bring you some comfort, and maybe even a few smiles, over the coming weeks. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. 💖
Soundtracklover72@reddit
So sorry for your loss. •Hugs•
I lost dad last year and mom has dementia, which totally sucks.
Reillybug521@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. I am an only child and lost my dad 13 years ago and mom 4. I miss them every single day.
kmclibra@reddit
Lost Ma 2 years ago in January. My deepest sympathy for your loss. It does get easier but never better.
Rude_Analysis_6976@reddit
100% on this message, I know some of you are not new to this idea and have been told to love something before its gone but I really want you to take this to heart because there will come a time when they die and you will think back to all the things you did or didnt do that you wish you did. Do them now. Dad passed last year at 56.
limbodog@reddit
We don't have that kind of family. No hugging. Nobody says the word 'love' towards another human unless it is sarcastic. Not exactly what you would call 'close'. I'm not sure how it's going to hit me when I lose them.
MidnightSunCreative@reddit
Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom nearly 6 years ago. It's hurt every day since, but it hurts because what we had was good. I don't know if that helps, but what I'm sayin' is I get you OP and my heart goes out to you.
MyNameIsNotDennis@reddit
My Mom died on Christmas Day last year (fuck you for that shitty timing, Universe). I couldn’t get to her in time to be there when she died, but at least I got to talk with her on the phone, to tell her that I love her, and to thank her for being there for me my whole life. Losing a parent sucks, but at least we had the chance to say goodbye.
AtikGuide@reddit
I lost my Dad at the end of August. I still grieve. You have my condolences.
ego_tripped@reddit
My condolences, my internet stranger friend. I lost Mom two and half years ago and reading about your loss makes it feel like it was just yesterday.
But I (we) just suck it up because...we do. (And it's okay if we don't)
naf0007@reddit
I lost mine 2 years ago. I feel like I'll never get over it. It's so heavy to carry
dacutty@reddit
Sorry for your loss.
I just lost my Dad and second parent in January. Right there with ya.
Obvious_Leadership44@reddit
RIP momma, sorry for your loss - my father in law passed last night too, 77 yo
eaglemg1@reddit
Oh I’m so sorry 😢
Heavy-Attorney-9054@reddit
We buried my 94 yo father on Friday. It was time, and it's still sad.
eaglemg1@reddit
I’m so very sorry for your loss. 🙏🏼💜
Ornery-Practice9772@reddit
Yeah mum died 11 yrs ago next month and it still feels like yesterday
eaglemg1@reddit
I’m so very sorry for your loss and glad you had her until she was 94. Also happy you have loving memories that can perhaps provide some comfort and peace now. May she rest in peace. 🙏🏼💜
seaglassgirl04@reddit
I am so so sorry OP. Sending you an internet hug ❤️. I lost my 76 year old Mom in March due to the ravages of cancer. The pain is intense and consuming but I'm forever grateful that Mom was able to pass being comforted with love and held by me, my sister, my Dad and my aunt. I am glad you were there for your Mom during her struggle and passing. It's going to be one day at a a time from here on out. Don't be afraid to let out your emotions and seek comfort of others and it's also ok to take solo time too. ❤️❤️
mish_munasiba@reddit
My 82-year-old FIL died two weeks ago, and my husband was there holding his hand as he slipped away. It was very sudden. Pop was a very private person; he was admitted to the ICU on Tuesday, called my BIL to let him know on Thursday, and died on Saturday. This has been such a strange time for my husband (50) and his brother (46). The old man was looking a bit frail in May when we saw him last, but he was such a strong-willed person that we figured he'd last for at least another decade. I'm still processing it and I have no idea how best to support my husband and BIL.
Scruffersdad@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sucks, losing a parent. I miss my dad every day and it’s been almost 5 years ago.
reddit_toast_bot@reddit
😭😭
nopeofnopenope@reddit
I’m sorry you have to go through this. This is the worst club you’ll ever join, and it happens regardless of want or need.
The only thing anyone can do is to be there for you and your family, and we are.
Write down the funniest stories you have from your time growing up. Ask your mom’s family for those stories as well. They will be absolutely priceless in the days and years to come.
Gentle hugs to you, internet stranger. And to everyone else in the club with me.
bubbsnana@reddit
So sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.
We have had a very rough year. Just lost our 4th family member this year one week ago. My parents are heading to the finish line as well.
It can get very overwhelming. Please make sure to take care of yourself throughout the coming days. It’s easy to forget our own needs.
Mousse_Recent@reddit
I feel for you, I lost my older brother, then father in the space of 5 weeks in 2017.
You never get over the loss, you just learn to live with it.
I often think about them at random points, nearly every day. Little things I know would make them laugh, or certain phrases they used to say
abczoomom@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I am privileged to have both my parents still with us, and my mom lives with us. Thank you for the reminder to not take their (or ours, for that matter) time for granted.
thecardshark555@reddit
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I agree, if your relationship is in a good place -- hug them, tell you that you love them. I know not everyone had healthy relationships with their parents, so you might not feel the same way, and I send hugs to you all as well.
EdwardBliss@reddit
Sorry to hear that. My passed in 2009, and my mother is in her senior years with mobility issues. I've had a contentious relationship with her, but now I'm helping with all physical tasks
ArtisticEssay3097@reddit
I'm so sorry 😞. I've lost both my parents. It's like a part of your soul dies.
SqualorTrawler@reddit
I'm so sorry, I know it's like having the wind knocked out of you but it's in the soul, not the stomach.
KzooGRMom@reddit
Very sorry for your loss. Mine is 74 and still very much with us, though I know there will be a time when she won't be. ❤️
Significant-Deer7464@reddit
I am sorry for your loss. Its never easy. My dad passed when I was 13 and my mother 13 years ago. I am now the oldest left in my family
goodysack@reddit
So true! Thank you, and so sorry for the loss of your Mom.
systemfrown@reddit
Hug them, but not too tightly. They're pretty fragile at this point.
Expensive-Tutor2078@reddit
No fucking way. Search weekly for an obit hit. Lots of privilege in this post!
golfingsince83@reddit
Sorry about your loss. My dad died in 2011. Worst time in my life. I was with my mom today. Was a good day
Optimal-Ad-7074@reddit
so many people think that as our elders get really old, it's sort of just marking time till they die. that's not how it is. the closer they get to death the more precious each remaining minute becomes.
you can't predict or change when your parents will die. all you can do is make the most of every second you get.
sorry, op. you're never ready for it.
Low-Soil8942@reddit
🫂
StubbornNobody@reddit
I still have one living parent but I can hug her because she's in Washington state and I'm down here in Southern California.
Doozer1970@reddit
My condolences. I just buried my mother on Wednesday. Tough times, eh?
WinFam@reddit
What a blessing for her to have her children by her side. I wish you peace.
happy-lemon247@reddit
I’m so sorry. My mom passed away in 2012 and it’s still so hard not having her here. Hugs to you.
PirateJim68@reddit
Blessings and prayers to you and your family
MrsSadieMorgan@reddit
So sorry for your loss. May her memory be for a blessing. ❤️
I’ve lost both of mine already, so unfortunately I cannot hug them for you. Mom died last year (coming up on the anniversary) at age 74 from colon cancer, and our dad died of Alzheimer’s-related complications at 73 in 2021. I hoped to have them longer, but am grateful for the time we did have. Take care of yourself. Grief is complicated, and there are no rules. Just let the process happen.
ValiMeyers@reddit
I am so very sorry for your great loss. Sending lots of internet hugs. Please be exceptionally kind to yourself.
Professoroldandachy@reddit
I'm sorry. It will become less painful over time but it always hurts.
Agreeable-Gur-1029@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in 2021 and it still hurts me to my core. I still constantly go to call her , and the it hits me like a wave again, when I realize I can never call her again . Like your mom her health was failing and I found comfort in knowing she isn’t in pain anymore.
Sending prayers and good vibes
UsedCan508@reddit
I’m so SORRY for your huge loss sending you prayers and hugs.🙏🙏 my mom just turned 80 this month. My dad is 86. I absolutely don’t know what I would do. Always call her. She doesn’t live in my state, but I always try to go visit her. Sometimes I surprise her and just knock on the door.
pinkaline@reddit
Sorry for your loss…
In French there is a very touching saying that goes a little bit like this: the passing of a mom is the first sorrow we mourn without her.
Sending you courage OP.
I_love_Hobbes@reddit
I hug my dad every time I see him. He is 86 and you never know. My mom died in 2008. She was 71.
Kwyjibo68@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss.
drice99@reddit
I lost my Mom two years ago on Halloween; let me just say I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your mother is a hurt that goes deep. It took me nearly 14 months to process it before I felt like I was no longer in the grips of grief. I'll give you the advice that I tried to follow. Allow yourself the ability and grace to grieve. It is normal. Your feelings are normal; the process is normal. That was the idea that broke me out of my grief. Everyone will experience this loss. It is normal, and there was nothing wrong with me for dealing with it the way I did.
All this to say I am deeply sorry for your loss and I hope you can keep your head up as your navigate this part of your life. It is hard, but it will pass.
OnlyChud@reddit
Im sorry for your loss
i miss the old days also
i don't like the "New People"
acornwbusinesssocks@reddit
I'm ao sorry. It sucks so much to lose a parent.
tkhamphant1@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss I lost my mom in July of 2010 and my dad on my birthday in May of 2012. I miss both of them every day.
PutPuzzleheaded5337@reddit
My parents weren’t perfect and there was violence and drama but I always hugged them and told them that I loved them. My theory was that they or I could literally die tomorrow and I didn’t want any guilt. They both died in the last ten years from lung cancer. I have ZERO guilt.
BlueButtons07@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost both mine before I turned 12yo. 35+ years later, sometimes it feels like yesterday.
Filmlovinggal@reddit
I agree so much! I'd give anything for one more hug.
4Bforever@reddit
I’m so sorry, I lost mine in 2019, my brother in 2021, my dad in 2022, and a woman who I called my mom in 2023. Oh and my first cat who was just mine died in 2019 before my mom. I felt broken for a long time.
Acceptance and commitment therapy helped me. You basically except that there is suffering in life and you commit to living your best life anyway. After you’re done grieving of course.
JustHereforNachos@reddit
My dad is entering hospice. I just left the hospital. He’s only coherent sometimes but today we watched football and we were both very unimpressed with Dallas and Atlanta. I’ll take what I can get as long as I can! He had a stroke the day after his 85th birthday in October.
Many_Dark6429@reddit
i am so sorry for your loss. losing your mother changes you forever.
Independent-Mud1514@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
shhwanick@reddit
I said the same thing when my mom passed. You just never know.
AnnaT70@reddit
Sending you so much love. My sweet mom just turned 85 and I know I'm lucky for each day she's on earth. Big big hugs from a fellow GenXer.
semicoloradonative@reddit
I’m sorry man. 94 though! Wow! My mom died last year at 76 and I 100% agree to “hug them extra hard” if you can. At some point it will be the last time you hug them and you will never know when that will be.
PlasticPalm@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Aggravating-Menu5793@reddit
So sorry to hear about her passing. I cried like a baby when the realization hit me at her funeral mass. My kids had never seen me cry. Love and hugs to you during this rough time.
WaitingitOut000@reddit
My condolences.
CincyJen513@reddit
I'm so very sorry. I know the pain. Take care of yourself over the coming days, weeks, months, years. It hurts and so you try not to think about it. I lost Mom in July 2023 and Dad just this last August 2024. Two of my most favorite people. Don't fight your grief too much, and honestly the Anderson Cooper podcast All There Is has been helpful, and good to cry along with.
Again, I'm so sorry. This season of our lives is haaaaaarrrrd. 😢
kckitty71@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. I dread this. I’ve become very protective of my Mama. She turned 80 this year and I noticed that she’s become this smaller version of herself. She’s so little! My father has been gone for 10 years. Our parents aren’t supposed to die.
Competitive_Stock_76@reddit
I love this tribute! ❤️
steffi309@reddit
Sorry for your loss, my mother passed 2 years ago.
Huskerstar922@reddit
Sorry for your loss. My mom passed in October of 23 after a really short illness following a back surgery. She was 80 and had so many years left in her. Agree with the sentiment...make the memories.
I tell this story often. For mom's 80th birthday, my brother and I wanted to take her on a bucket list trip to Alaska. Due to job changes, PTO issues, and other conflicts, we almost cancelled it in favor of waiting a year. We didn't. Do you know how glad I am that we took that trip and made those memories? I don't think I could have lived with myself had we not taken that trip. It has changed my perspective on life. Take the trip...make the memory.
Squifford@reddit
My mother died on November 2nd, 2002. On Dia de los Muertos. It’s a strangely poetic thing every year even though I’m not Latina. US culture has slowly been bringing this beautiful holiday in, and I love it. I watch Coco on the anniversary and highly recommend it.
I’m so sorry you lost your mom. To all of you, I’m sorry for your losses.
The Calm app has an amazing Dia de los Muertos sleep story.
knuckboy@reddit
Sorry to hear. Do what you gotta. I lost mine two years ago. I took care of everything from ho a vital to grave and her house. Good luck and honor her!
PurpleTangerine78@reddit
I’m so sorry. I, too, am an adult orphan, and it stinks. Sending you love.
Zapper13263952@reddit
Deepest sympathies.
TinktheChi@reddit
I'm so sorry. My mom's been gone a long time as had my dad. I miss them every single day. Big hugs from Alberta Canada.
Beneficial-Shock5708@reddit
My condolences.
Jay4usc@reddit
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Famous-Dimension4416@reddit
So very sorry for your loss! I am fortunate to have both parents still living, my mom lives with me now. I'll be sure to give her an extra hug today.
dmode112378@reddit
I’m very sorry for your loss.
countess-petofi@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Smooth-Bee-8426@reddit
I’m sorry you lost your mama, OP. My mom’s been gone since 2009, my dad since 2001. Seems like yesterday and forever ago, and I still will think “I’ll ask Mama about that, she’ll know” or “Daddy will know how to fix this” and then remember that’s not gonna happen. Condolences, hang on to those good memories, and they’ll still walk with you.
Lexiluv2@reddit
So sorry on losing your mom! I think it's difficult no matter our age. I lost my mom 20 years ago and still miss her.
MeanNene@reddit
Lost my Mom in 02' . My Pop is about to be 79 blows my mind. Love the the ones you're with .
Significant-Spite-72@reddit
I'm sorry. It's tough. Cancer stole Mum in 2012, aged 53.
94 is a good innings, as you say, but I'm not sure that makes it any easier. I'm happy for her that she left surrounded by love. I hope when my time comes, that's how it is. That's the best any of us can ask for.
She loved and was loved. Love is stronger than death.
AnalogPickleCat@reddit
Sorry for your loss! I lost my mom this past spring. It’s been pretty hard.
DWP_619@reddit
I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. I lost my mom 8 years ago and it still hurts. Lost my dad this past January. 💔 healing love and strength to you my friend.
Shferitz@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss. The death of your parents really changes everything. I wish you peace and comfort through this painful rite of passage. ❤️🩹
kennylogginswisdom@reddit
I’m sorry. ❤️
snow1868@reddit
So sorry for your loss. I lost my fatherast year, it sucks.
CloversndQuill@reddit
Just hung up the phone from talking to my 94-year-old mom and I see this. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost 5 years ago. It’s so hard.
Obvious_Sale_6068@reddit
Lost both my parents a few years ago and the pain never goes away. Sounds like you had a wonderful childhood. Celebrate her memory
Elleseebee928@reddit
Sending you all the hugs. So sorry for your loss
pmllny@reddit
I read this recently and wrote it down because it's very profound and appropriate: "When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." I'm sorry for your loss...and I understand.
Dry-Region-9968@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. My father passed away in 2020. We need to hug them while we still have them. Enjoy simple moments that you would never realize as special. As weird as this sounds, take in their smell. Rather, it is a cologne or perfume. Smell is the strongest way to remember things in life. Also, if there is the ability to record their stories and memories not just for you but the rest of the family. Gen X here
Blossom73@reddit
I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you can take comfort in that your mother had a very long life, and that you got to be with her at the end.
Engchik79@reddit
Thinking of you 😘
cantthinkofuzername@reddit
Thank you for posting this. I am going to call my mom right now. She is in memory care.
Deep condolences to you for your loss. Sending virtual hugs.
Calm-Geologist1158@reddit
Sorry for you loss, Dad in 2017, Mom 2023. I am constantly surprised and welcoming when they are in my thoughts
And your gift to me, for having them enter now at reading your post
makeitmaybe@reddit
I feel your love for your Mum. What a beautiful way to mark this painful time. She passed surrounded by love and those most precious to her. May she rest in peace.
Itsamodmodmodwhirld@reddit
I’m very sorry for your loss. As a fellow Gen X’r I’m always thinking about when I’m going to get the call.
TheFirst10000@reddit
No matter how long we have them, it's never long enough. My condolences.
RockstarQuaff@reddit
Both of mine are gone. Dad's been gone 12 years, mom 9, so I've had a fair number of years to get used to the idea. Except I haven't. Lots of regret over that missed hug, that ignored text, that eye roll. Now, I can't make up for it, ever.
Listen to OP. It's going to be too late too soon.
DJErikD@reddit
So sorry for your loss.
Today is the 3rd anniversary of dad’s passing. We’re just so glad he went peacefully of natural causes at the ripe old age of 88 having beaten cancer a decade earlier.
Heading over to mom’s in a few minutes for extra hugs.
DHN_95@reddit
Sorry for your loss.
Sounds like your mother had a wonderful life, and made sure that yours, and that of your siblings was equally amazing.
I will never take for granted that I'm still fortunate enough to have mine.
Illustrious-Bat1553@reddit
Sorry for your loss. It took me a while to process my parents death.
Qnofputrescence1213@reddit
I am so sorry. Lost my Mom a few years ago to Alzheimer’s when she was 76 and I was 48. My Dad had already passed away from cancer over a dozen years before.
Ok-Buffalo2145@reddit
Lost my mom 3 years ago and now im a caregiver for my 94 year old father. Everyday with him is a blessing.
SwissFleas@reddit
Im so sorry for your loss. I'm a late gen xer, born in 78. I lost my dad in 2006 and my mom in 2021. It gets easier. But damn do I really miss them sometimes.
HanaGirl69@reddit
🫂🫂🫂 to you and your family.
hannibalsmommy@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. Our worlds can change when a parent dies, no matter how old they are. My dad passed away. My little sister just died a few months ago. It's just my mom & I now, & she's getting up there in years. You're absolutely right; hug them right now. Gentle hugs to you. 🫂💜
EAR2006@reddit
So sorry for your loss ... 🫂🩶
PhotographsWithFilm@reddit
Thoughts are with you and your family my friend. My Dad died a week ago and it's still very real. I feel so empty.
Just remember to talk, share with your loved ones. Cry, laugh, let all the emotions flow.
Commisceo@reddit
I'm so sorry. My mum is 94 too. Last parent left so I can relate. Sending love to you all.
Few_Macaroon_6290@reddit
Words of wisdom here. Thank you for sharing and so sorry for your loss!
Trudi1201@reddit
Sorry for your loss
Sending love and hugs from an internet stranger who knows how lucky she is to still have her mum.