To all women, how many male friends/colleagues in your life do you trust is platonic?

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Accurate_Prompt_8800@reddit

I agree with you, at uni a few years ago I quickly realised that most of my guy ‘friends’ secretly wanted to sleep with me, especially when they cornered me at a house party asking me to ‘come upstairs’ with them. I slowly phased them all out of my life, now I only have a handful of close male friends. At the time of getting close with my current male friends they all had or still have gfs, so that probably helped with them not wanting to get with me. But some of the guy friends who are kind of close but not super close definitely still would if I offered, I can tell as they always like my insta stories when they are pictures of me.

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Vespa_Alex@reddit

How does liking a picture on social media equate to “I want to shag them”?

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Accurate_Prompt_8800@reddit

Stay jealous. These same people have made advances lol.

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somerandomnew0192783@reddit

> I can tell as they always like my insta stories when they are pictures of me. Lmfao

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These-Purchase-728@reddit (OP)

This was what I experienced too. They act real nice for a while. I feel like I’ve made a decent friend. Then they make their move.

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Vespa_Alex@reddit

By and large, heterosexual men are simple creatures, so if someone attractive starts coming on to them then one of a few things will happen. 1) They will return the affection and sex or a relationship will happen. 2) They value the friendship above sex and will politely decline as they feel it’s going to be a one off thing. 3) They will be completely oblivious to the flirting and do nothing, then realise years later that they could have hooked up with a hot woman. 4) They aren’t actually attracted at all, and will turn it down. There’s no way of knowing for sure unless you test things out, but I suspect there’s more men in the second group than you imagine. It’s also very person specific so I’ve been in all four situations. There was a female friend that I’d not thought of in that way, but one evening I gave her a lift home from the pub, stopping at mine first. Some flirting occurred and we ended up fooling round for a bit before I dropped her off. No harm done but it did slightly change things afterwards. I had another very good female friend who was really important. I wouldn’t have risked our friendship, and there was enough trust that she slept in my bed when she’d come to stay (I’d offered to use the sofa but we were both fine with that). There’s at least a couple of times I’ve been totally unaware (or possible more) of the opportunity in front of me, and then one person who was quite surprised to be rebuffed.

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Polz34@reddit

I've always had more male friends than female and it has always stayed platonic. I find most my male friends and I normally fall into a sibling-esk relationship where we wind each other up but equally will back each other up when needed.

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Succinate_dehydrogen@reddit

While yes I would probably have sex with most of my female (and male) friends, I'm not friends with them because of that possibility. You can find someone attractive without seeing them as an object for your gratification. Sex is an enjoyable thing, and as long as we were both single and fully on board with it, why not have some fun?

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LittleSadRufus@reddit

It seems surprising to me OP thinks sexual attraction is somehow cancelled out by friendship. I've seen quite a few people be friends for years and then that evolve into something further, all successfully and without it involving a betrayal of friendship

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Mountain_Strategy342@reddit

Equally, if sex is not going to happen, enjoy the friendship.

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Succinate_dehydrogen@reddit

Always friendship first

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

I have quite a fee male friends, of which I would never imagine having sex with. Hopefully they regard me as the same. But most people, irrespective of gender will have sex ,if it is offered on a plate to them. This doesn't make one more attractive.

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Ok-Train5382@reddit

You can have friends you find attractive and it still be platonic. Unless you think they’re pretending to be friends to get in your pants I don’t really understand the issue. You can be friends with someone, not be cracking into them, but still find them attractive.

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BigDumbGreenMong@reddit

As I've got older and become less chronically horny all the damn time, I've really grown to enjoy being friends with women who I have zero expectations of ever sleeping with. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't bone them at the drop of a hat if they ever happened to offer.

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VolcanicBear@reddit

I'm a guy. I have some attractive female friends. They're friends, but I can tell they're attractive. Same way I can tell some male friends are attractive. I'm a guy, so because of biology I will glance at their chest or arse. If any of them made advances towards me I would politely tell them to go fuck themselves because they're aware I'm married, and I don't want to put my willy there just because they're attractive. Even before being married, whilst single I had attractive female friends. There were some where we shared that weird eye contact _moment_ where it feels perfect to kiss... But we're friends. Might be sexy as fuck but that's not what this relationship is to me... And these were times when I did a lot of thinking with my penis.

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Numerous_Ticket_7628@reddit

As a guy, I can have friends without wanting to sleep with them, quite easily in fact.

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These-Purchase-728@reddit (OP)

Absolutely, I agree. I wish I could just tell who the good genuine ones are.

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FallenPineNeedles@reddit

Out of interest, how old are you? You mention colleagues in your post, so I'm guessing (hoping) you're an adult. Also, I don't think there's any such thing as a "good, genuine" guy, in the sense implied in your comment above. Being open to sex with you doesn't mean a guy isn't good or genuine, it just means that they wouldn't say no to sex. That doesn't mean that they aren't also happy to be your friend. I know it's unfashionable nowadays to think that men and women think differently, but I think we do have slightly different brain wiring, or at least mind set-ups. In the culture I grew up in and still live in, men are more likely to fancy women and view them as potential partners, and women are more likely to see men as friends. Your original question is valid.

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FallenPineNeedles@reddit

Don't worry about sounding weird or narcissistic. It's a legit question, and I genuinely think it's a different experience for men and women. (Based on the wording of your question, I'm assuming you're a woman who's either straight or perceived as straight, and you're referring to friendships with straight men?) Life is weird. I think in general, a higher percentage of straight men will see the potential for a sexual/romantic relationship with a woman, than the other way around. Obviously, everyone is different, and we all have our own personalities. But as a woman in her forties, I've noticed it is a trend, yes. I'm not the most beautiful woman on the planet (very far from it) but when I think back on all the male friends I've had, I can only think of two (of the straight men) that didn't make it clear that they'd be open to sex, romance, or both, with me. It can be unsettling, and cause you to question yourself (am I coming off too friendly? am I \*accidentally\* flirting?) My advice, as trite as this sounds, is to try not to let it bother you, and never to judge an individual friendship with the paint-strokes you've experienced in general. Even if a man would like to sleep with you, that doesn't mean you have to discard the friendship. HIs desire to sleep with you could be the most minor thing in your relationship. If he's not a rapist or an arsehole, you can safely ignore it. Chances are he only fancies you because you are a woman that he knows well. That last sentence wasn't meant to sound dismissive btw! To the OP, or anyone in general. I can't think of a less annoying way to word it. Honestly, you can tie yourself in knots worrying about this stuff. Bottom line - treat your friends like friends, your potential romantic/sexual partners as potential romantic/sexual partners. If anyone can't deal with that, that's their problem, not yours.

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Academic_Project654@reddit

As much as it’s easy to believe this with how dramatised everything is on social media, it simply isn’t I know I’m attractive and know that with many of my friends / colleagues it is 100% platonic A lot of people in relationships value so much more than looks, and are good people

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MissingScore777@reddit

If they're single and you're relatively attractive then no it would likely never be platonic to the degree you're wanting. If you offered sex they would likely accept. If you want a truly platonic friendship with a male then you'd need to limit that to males already in a relationship.

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MeesterMartinho@reddit

Lol.

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Refrigernator@reddit

Lmao, even.

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EvilRobotSteve@reddit

Not a woman, but one of my closest friends is one. And I can genuinely say I would not, ever get involved with her sexually. And it's not that she's unattractive or anything. It's just that think of her more like a sister if anything. So the people saying it's not possible to have a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex are just categorically wrong. I'm not saying that there aren't guys out there who do try it on this way, but it would be a shame to lose a genuine friend just because they happen to have a dick, no? As far as advice goes, just so long as you're clear that romance is totally off the table. If there are guys you're attracted to, tell your guy friends about them. Maybe ask their advice on how to approach them or something? If you think any of them are overstepping by being overly physical or suggestive etc, just tell them politely, but firmly that you don't like being this way with your friends, but make sure you nip it in the bud, don't ignore it and hope it goes away.

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Raephstel@reddit

I think you've accepted social media's fearmongering as a hard truth. I've had female friends I've never had any interest in sleeping with. I've had female friends I found attractive and would've slept with if they'd wanted to, but I was never interested in actually persuing them and was happy to just be friends. I've had female friends who wanted to sleep with me who I turned down and we stayed friends after. Most guys aren't creeps and only after one thing. It's just social media propaganda that works because it feels like you only need to see something happen once to confirm that it's true even though it's not in most cases.

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Chyaroscuro@reddit

Any 2 non-related people could potentially be attracted to each other at any given time. The point is not about whether or not your male friends could, theoretically, be attracted to you, the point is what is the nature of your relationship. Are you guys meeting for things other than drinking/clubbing? Do you catch up to talk about what's going on in your lives? Do you support each other during difficult times? Congratulate each other on your successes? Do you bully each other on a regular basis? If so, then you're friends. And if you're not having sex your relationship is platonic. I've had male friends all my life. I have some male friends I've known since childhood, they're my brothers. I will say that typically men until a certain age are very... single minded, let's say. They mellow once they hit their 30s, but that's just been my experience.

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Youtalkingtomyboobs@reddit

I have more friendships with men than women, so I probably have about 5 - I wouldn’t imagine any of them would want to have a relationship with me, even though I would be open to it with one in particular- I don’t think I’d necessarily want to chance losing those friendships.

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Strong_Roll5639@reddit

I have 1 very close male friend. When I say very close I mean we've accidentally seen each other naked, walked in in each other having sex etc. I've been friends with him for nearly 20 years. I have a few other close male friends outside of work and a few in work. All platonic.

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bduk92@reddit

It's not really that simple. The men in your life, for the most part, just see you as a friend and that is their primary motivation for being in your life. That said, if you are attractive then men will naturally be open to a physical encounter with you if the situation presented itself and both of you were single. That's just basic hormones and sexual drives. That's the same case for both sexes.

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Difficult-Broccoli65@reddit

This goes both ways. For some reason, since I've been in a long-term relationship, certain female friends have tried it on multiple times - as well as other women I've met and NOT expressed interest in.

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Wh4ty0ue4t@reddit

I have two. They're both initially my boyfriends friends, and both have been set up with my friends. All in relationships. I have a male friend who is gay as well.

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vpetmad@reddit

100% of them except the one I've already slept with twice - I reckon he might do it again if I offered. I am not a woman who is in high demand!

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Gilldadab@reddit

Can't they be genuine friends but also find you attractive enough to sleep with?

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BoringDragonfly9009@reddit

I'm a guy, but in my opinion, it's not one or the other, either "platonic" or "just want you for sex". Platonic love, romantic love, and sexual love aren't mutually exclusive and they can coexist. A guy could genuinely want to be your friend but also have a sexual attraction to you that they choose not to act on so they don't ruin the friendship. Or they would be happy to act on it but still see you as a genuine friend regardless. I don't think you should assume a friendship is fake just because a guy "would if you offered it". That's kind of an unrealistic standard!

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BarnacleExpressor@reddit

How many of them are in relationships/married? I guess around that number for most women...

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MassiveNutInButt@reddit

Because married people never cheat, right?

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BarnacleExpressor@reddit

I was being optimistic, in reality the number of friends down to bone is probably much higher 😂

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Tildatots@reddit

2. One is a work colleague who is married, the other is a guy I have known since school. He still wants to be mates with us but the new gf doesn’t like it, despite none of us have ever fancied him and the reverse. Thought he was asexual

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AF_II@reddit

It is extremely possible to have entirely platonic heterosexual friendships. I feel a bit sorry for people who can't, tbh. Maybe it's just an age thing, might've felt differently in my 20s.

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Cockerel_Chin@reddit

You are slightly overthinking this. If your male friends find you attractive, which is involuntary, then the majority would have sex given the opportunity. That doesn't mean they can't be friends, and it doesn't mean that's all they're "really after". It's just something that could happen if both parties were interested. Ultimately if they only want one thing they'll soon disappear, and that's how you know who your real friends are.

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Vegetable_Art9891@reddit

3

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