You're invited for dinner at 18:00, what are your expectations?

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LochNessMother@reddit

That’s not dinner! Are you sure you were invited to dinner and not drinks? Some people would interpret ‘come over at 6’ to mean a dinner invitation, but for others it’s drinks time. My parents (and grandparents) would not expect a full meal at 6. For a lot of people that’s kid dinner time not adults.

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Mammoth-Difference48@reddit

The kids were invited though

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LochNessMother@reddit

And they were fed (ish)

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Mammoth-Difference48@reddit

Sorry not sure what your point is - do you mean that they were really inviting the kids for dinner? My point was that 6 is an OK time to invite people for dinner if children if involved.

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Azazeal123@reddit

I considered this but I work till 5 and would definitely not consider drinks at 6pm, that's remarkably early. Maybe invite for 7 to have catch up then drinks poured by half 7

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Hythy@reddit

If I'm working til 5 drinks usually start at 4.

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Nervous-Power-9800@reddit

I like nights like that, means I can stop at a maccies on the way home and smash 6 double cheeseburgers and guff myself to sleep in a hotbox of beef burgers, red wine, imitation cheese and gherkins...

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phflopti@reddit

Were they the kind of people who eat 2 cashews and are like 'Oh gosh 2 cashews, I'm such a glutton. That 3rd cashew will be perfect for lunch tomorrow, if I'm not still full. You're eating 4 cashews? Well gee, some people can really put it away.'?

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PinkNeom@reddit

Lol I actually know someone like this and have been invited to a couple of things at theirs that were bemusing. One of them was an “afternoon tea” which was done as a formal invite to do it properly (not just come round for a cup of tea) and they went to the trouble of actually presenting it all on a decorated table with cake stand and posh tea set, the full works. And the spread consisted of 2 cupcakes. And there was 2 of us.

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FooliaRoberts@reddit

Oh my god. That sounds like they’re a bit obsessive. Did they then make a big deal about the cake and after finishing it “jokingly” go on about how guilty they felt?

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PinkNeom@reddit

I actually can’t remember what she said after we’d eaten on that occasion, but I’m quite used to it so tune a lot of it out. But she did make a massive deal out of “joke” telling me off that she couldn’t believe I’d arrived with my own drink to her party and I felt like I and the other guest felt a bit uncomfortable. It was a heatwave and I just bought an iced lemonade at a drive thru to survive the drive over and walked out of the car with it to finish it and throw the cup away. Another time eating at a restaurant with her after finishing the garlic bread starter she said how full “we” were now and obviously won’t be able to have anything more to eat now. I thought we were still going to have mains like most people but felt too embarrassed because of how she acted. And yes generally any time she indulges it’s about how much she’s eaten, how disgusting she feels and how much gym will be involved now.

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FooliaRoberts@reddit

Oooohh yeah that’s some eating disorder behaviour right there. Everything you mentioned there is crazy but also as someone else commented, incredibly tedious

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PinkNeom@reddit

I’ve get plenty more of these stories. I used to think maybe I was the problem for finding these scenarios so frustrating, anxiety inducing and difficult, as well as thinking I ate too much/too unhealthy, but after mentioning some of these things to others realised it’s not me. .

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FooliaRoberts@reddit

Oh yeah, it’s definitely not you! That garlic bread one is so weird and would have really messed with my head, for a start!

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PinkNeom@reddit

Stuff like that has messed with my head for years, made it hard for me to eat comfortably around her and made me feel bad about myself. I’m not around her as much now but I do try to be stronger about it and just do what I feel like. It’s still weird and difficult though as her views are so overpowering in the scenario and it’s not really normal to have to constantly be “fighting” that in social situations, it takes quite a bit of effort.

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FooliaRoberts@reddit

Yeah I can only imagine how difficult that would have been to navigate. Probably for the best you don’t have to deal with it to the same degree anymore x

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Mammoth-Difference48@reddit

Is it definitely a food thing? Sometimes its a cover for a budget thing.

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PinkNeom@reddit

Oh no she’s really wealthy and the biggest spender around on what she wants to spend on. It’s a food control thing. She even indulges when she decides she can and eats a lot for that period and then talks about it so much like it’s a massive deal. But otherwise she’s as described above and always giving comments and surprised reactions to how other people eat i.e. Completely normally. Also very snobby about food and constantly putting down anything that’s not up to her standard, even if she doesn’t have to eat it, it’s like she gets offended others are eating something she wouldn’t and has to make it known.

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Mammoth-Difference48@reddit

Ah ok! Interesting psyche. Not content with quietly controlling her own food but seemingly needing to embarrass others into the bargain. I have some sympathy when someone is struggling with an ED and trying to hide it "oh I had a huge lunch but you carry on!" but judging and attempting to control others is altogether more sinister.

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PinkNeom@reddit

Yeah I’ve been around others who tightly control what they eat but the difference is they just concentrate on their own thing, this friend is so vocal and constantly acting shocked and making comments about what others are eating. It’s exhausting and makes meals not enjoyable.

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coffeeebucks@reddit

Ugh that’s so tedious.

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__----------@reddit

I'd have put both of the cakes on my plate.

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PinkNeom@reddit

There was two of us guests and one cupcake each for us lol.

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Mammoth-Difference48@reddit

Urgh. My friend does this with everything. Buys a bag of chips (and makes a real fuss about what a treat it is, only have fish and chips once a year etc etc) then eats three chips, rub stomach and says I'm SO full. Wraps up chips and puts in fridge for tomorrow. It's gross and annoying at the same time.

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

Mum? Is that you? #almondmom

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ClarifyingMe@reddit

I normally ask what's on the menu to avoid these situations.

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

In thirty years of hosting and being a guest I've never asked nor been asked about a menu outside of someone having special dietary needs. I'd feel remarkably forward to ask

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Mammoth-Difference48@reddit

You can make it cas. "Oh amazing - what are planning to make? We can bring something that matches wine-wise or dessert-wise". Then it's not forward.

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ClarifyingMe@reddit

Ok I'm autistic and don't care because I wanna know what's going to be there.

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coffeeebucks@reddit

Not even “ooh lovely, what are you going to make?” That’s totally normal.

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Future-Ear6980@reddit

Same here. Your hosts should have called it drinks and nibbles so you knew what to expect. Especially since you were from out of town

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C-J-DeC@reddit

I’m a fairly picky eater so I always ask. I’ve hosted for over 50 years & I ALWAYS include the menu with the invitations. These days with so many people ( thankfully not my friends ) thinking that they have allergies or are vegetarian or worse, vegan, the menu is important. I would hate to serve food that my guests didn’t like. I also add the drinks to the invitation. We’re not wine drinkers, so guests who would like wine, or a particular wine, know to bring it with them. I would also never accept an invitation to a vegetarian or vegan meal, just politely decline. No, to me it is not delicious.

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I2RFreely@reddit

Cos you have experienced this nonsense before. Once bitten, twice shy

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Mammoth-Difference48@reddit

I think the issue here is that you were invited for "dinner". With that language I would expect a meal and eat accordingly. If I were hosting and planning to prepare drinks and nibbles, I would make that clear when inviting.

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Late-Champion8678@reddit

This is not dinner. This is barely food and I would be upset if someone invited me for dinner and served this.

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Educational-Angle717@reddit

It's shoddy but from everything you've said I can only imagine you're middle class..

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IndoorCloudFormation@reddit

Mam, my main takeaway form this is apparently a bottle of £9 wine and turning up 15 minutes late is poor guesting. Wine, chocolates _and_ flowers?!

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

We got lucky on the wine. I saw a great deal on a 2021 Montepulciano d'abruzzo and it so happened the host was a massive fan of Italian wines and went off on tirade about French wines.

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thejadedfalcon@reddit

> went off on tirade about French wines Anyone with this strong an opinion about wine sounds exactly the kind of person to consider olives and figs a complete dinner.

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pajamakitten@reddit

They only buy organic hummus too.

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Other_Exercise@reddit

I agree with the host there. French wines aren't bad, but every other wine is cheap by comparison.

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Paulcaterham@reddit

Had a 2015 Montepulciano last April. Still remember it, went to the vineyard to see if we could buy some - we would have happily paid a lot for it - not only was no the answer, they didn't believe we had drunk a bottle of it. Upon picture evidence, the manager was all set to go to the restaurant the next day to buy whatever they had left . Alas we had drunk the last bottle - best 35€ I have ever spent. The manager had started working for them in the last couple of years, and had only heard tales of the 2015. Terzini - Vigna Vertum - 2015

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

I have a friend who owns a restaurant. Some years I'm convinced he's made more on selling off parts of his cellar than owning a restaurant.

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Haystack67@reddit

[OP bringing wine, chocolate, and flowers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EV-oGpHmYS8)

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Ginger_Grumpybunny@reddit

I would consider any one of those items to be suitable to bring as a guest. All 3 is very generous. In answer to the OP's question, yeah, wine and nibbles is good but it's not what's usually understood as "dinner".

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GlitchingGecko@reddit

Yeah, that's not dinner. That's drinks and nibbles.

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Hamsternoir@reddit

If there aren't any pink wafers or party rings can it even be called nibbles?

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pajamakitten@reddit

I am pretty sure it is illegal to call it a party if no party rings are available.

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JK_UKA@reddit

I’d be leaving if there’s no cheese and pineapple hedgehog

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Great_Tradition996@reddit

I was heartbroken when I discovered Sara Lee no longer make frozen chocolate gateaux….

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fizzybigfun@reddit

Childhood memory unlocked with the cheese pineapple hedgehog!

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Vyvyansmum@reddit

That’s some high standards you’re setting there.

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GlitchingGecko@reddit

Grown up nibbles then. I too, prefer the regular nibbles.

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Thread-Hunter@reddit

Agreed. If I ever invite someone over they get well fed regardless. I was raised to ensure guests dont leave my home hungry. The cheeseboard and drinks may be appropriate as a dessert or after a main course.

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wildOldcheesecake@reddit

Same here. I’m Asian so it goes without saying for those in my culture. If you’re not rolling out the door with a crumpled bag containing leftovers, then did you even come to dinner? As a kid, mum would go above and beyond for guests and we weren’t allowed to have any of the pretty bits until they left haha. Everyone from the postie to the neighbours nan visiting from abroad is offered food by my mum. I’d acrually say it’s more of a regular occurrence now since we’ve left home

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Great_Tradition996@reddit

My husband’s family is from Birmingham (UK, not Alabama 😂) and FIL was a self-employed plumber/central heating engineer. Many of his clients were Asian (Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi) and he never needed to eat dinner on the days he’d been to their houses 🤣. He also used to ask them for family recipes so he could recreate authentic Indian curries at home. I think he misses those days, now he’s retired!

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Other_Exercise@reddit

Same. It's much more fun this way, because when you go to someone else's house with the same values, YOU know you are going to have a good time

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YouSayWotNow@reddit

Yep, my mum / family definitely resemble this remark!

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Amphibious_squirrel@reddit

And just for reference, what’s your mum’s address? Asking for a friend…

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Booboodelafalaise@reddit

Same. I grew up relatively poor, but if we invited people over for dinner, we made sure they were completely full when they left. Guests would get the best we could give them, even if it meant the family living on mince and potatoes for the rest of the week.

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Thread-Hunter@reddit

Fair play mate, sounds like we were taught the same values.

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OverstuffedCherub@reddit

(hint - it says on the bottle if it's prosecco or merlot) sorry I'm just being cheeky! :p But I agree, that's not dinner, just drinks and snacks

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GratisLM@reddit

Too much ner, not enough din.

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Nedonomicon@reddit

The only way I serve this kind of food for dinner is if there is substantial amount . And I’ll usually do a couple of ‘hot’ bits like garlic bread or some wedges . I’m never satisfied until everyone is full to bursting

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Liskasoo@reddit

I would have assumed that was pre-dinner nibbles.

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Honey-Badger@reddit

Sounds like there was a miscommunication and you were invited to drinks and nibbles

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PinkNeom@reddit

At 6pm?

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CarpetGripperRod@reddit

In this economy? Shepard's Surprise, innit? It's like the pie, but there ain't no lamb. Or spuds for that matter.

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

Yes, but... Who invites a two and five year old to drinks and nibbles?

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Kitchner@reddit

>Who invites a two and five year old to drinks and nibbles? I mean every time I in ite my friends around with kids unless it's a total bender they can bring their kids. No excuse for them on the meal though.

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Silecio@reddit

Think harder. 👀

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Honey-Badger@reddit

People who wanted to see you and know you have kids

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Artistic_Data9398@reddit

Depends on the people. If their English i expect there will be too much food. If they are European i expect light bites and lots of drinking lol.

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Jazzberry81@reddit

Are English not European?

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Artistic_Data9398@reddit

No, we don't live on the European continent lol We don't have Euro's, we literally left the Union. by all definitions we are not European

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Jazzberry81@reddit

I really hope you are joking

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Artistic_Data9398@reddit

Of course I'm not. When have you ever heard the British be referred to as European? Our language structure is different to most European Languages. How is this even a conversation. The British are not European lol

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Jazzberry81@reddit

Of course we do. We are physically in Europe. The EU is something else. What continent do you claim to be from if not Europe? You will be kicking us out of the football Euros tournament next. I know plenty of English fans who would have something to say about that.

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Artistic_Data9398@reddit

we are not attached the European continent. We drive on the opposite side of the road. How many more reason do you need? Oh because we are in a football association that makes us European lol. English fans? You mean, European fans, no? See. You're so European! LOL moron

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Jazzberry81@reddit

No I don't mean European fans. I'm sure only English fans would care if England weren't allowed to join in. We have never been attached in my lifetime to the European continent and we have always been a European country. Lots of islands aren't attached to their continents, but are part of them regardless. No amount of differences you can mention will change the fact that we are in the continent of Europe. I think you need a lesson in manners and geography.

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Mr-_-Steve@reddit

In my experience, evening? drinks and nibbles maybe a few pizzas/garlic bread cut to very small portions... Day/dinner? full cooked meal... Only exception would be a BBQ or a themed event. Such as tomorrow I'm hosting an early bonfire gathering as we are all busy on the actual bonfire night so we are having homemade pie and mushy peas. party portion size in paper bowls.

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According_Union@reddit

Not normal, hope you got a chippy or something on the way home!

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

Unfortunately not. We got back to the hotel, put the children to bed and couldn't be bothered to walk a mile to the nearest kebab shop. We went to bed hungry and woke up hungover.

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According_Union@reddit

Gutted for you guys!

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Spottyjamie@reddit

Well yeah if they had that for dinner at 12-1pm then id be ok with it 6pm nah, id be expecting a full meal or ill be drunk quick due to lack of stomach lining then getting the dominos menu out

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DeHarigeTuinkabouter@reddit

Even as lunch I'd not be happy with some nibbles.

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

We had a bottle of wine each and I'd really like a kebab but our hotel is in the middle of an industrial estate and I'm not paying for delivery

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ITFarm_@reddit

Oh I’d be paying for delivery after that. OI OI TIME FOR A KEBAB BOYS

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

To put it into context of how cheap we can be over odd things. We did 28K steps today with a two and five year old, all because we kept saying "it's only a 30m walk away"

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VolcanicBear@reddit

> sleep in peace 😏

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

It's worked for night one. They slept all through the night to their usual wake at 7. They inherited my genes regarding sleep. The eldest takes less than five minutes to fall asleep.

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Critical-Engineer81@reddit

sex.

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denjin@reddit

Odd word to use considering they're talking about their child's sleeping habits.

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Critical-Engineer81@reddit

Kids are in a different room

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mentaldriver1581@reddit

Too right.

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I_will_bum_your_mum@reddit

😏

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TheWhiteShelf@reddit

Brilliant name 😂

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Some people, typically older people from my experience, do it the other way round, they have their main big meal in the middle of the day and then only a snack in the evening. My grandparents are like that, 12-1pm they'll have a big roast dinner or ham egg and chips or spaghetti Bolognese or whatever, and then at 6pm or so they'll just have a small sandwich or something.

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rehabawaits2033@reddit

Even if that is your usual routine you don’t invite someone over for “dinner” and feed them cheese and nibbles. Very rude in my opinion.

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Gblob27@reddit

Yes, specifically at 6pm.

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not-much@reddit

> food was wine, olives, cheese, dried figs and grapes Were the hosting guys ancient Romans?

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SupernaturalPlonk@reddit

Can’t stand when people make plans and aren’t specific and their timings and plans. Twice recently, we’ve been invited over to a friends place for food and drinks. The first was billed as lunch and we were invited over at 12noon. The host eventually stood up at 4pm and muttered about turning the oven on. The other was a dinner. Alarm bells were ringing on arrival as we had been promised a steak pie but there was no sign of a pie on arrival. A couple of hours in, the host asked their partner to pop over to Waitrose to buy the beef for the pie!

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Tattycakes@reddit

I’d have eaten the host by 4pm 🤣

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MiddleAgeCool@reddit

Were you invited for dinner or were you just invited at dinner time? I'd be starving but the end of that night and a late pizza would be call for. It's always worth asking what they're making so "you can get the right wine". It makes no difference really to the wine choice but at least you'll know what to expect.

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Tattycakes@reddit

I’d argue that if you invite someone over at dinner time then you need to either provide dinner or make it clear that dinner won’t be provided. Unless it’s just been a genuine miscommunication about when people eat their main meals, it’s just rude.

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BonnieH1@reddit

If invited for dinner at 6pm with kids, I'd be expecting a kid friendly meal we all eat together and for the evening to end earlier than if it were adults only. What they offered was just nibbles. IMO they should have let you know that in advance, so you could make sure your family had a proper meal either before or after. Personally, I'd have stayed no more than a couple of hours and then had a meal elsewhere!

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

The children had ham sandwiches which we didn't have as the host gave the distinct impression that carbs were for children. We did leave after only three hours so it was moderately child friendly.

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Tattycakes@reddit

Who are these weirdos? Did you make friends with some keto cult or something

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BonnieH1@reddit

Well, if carbs are only for children, that family must be super slim and healthy! I think I would have asked for a sandwich! 😁

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TheCatAteMyGymsuit@reddit

They save their carbs for their wine content, apparently.

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gerrineer@reddit

I would have ordered in at thier address while there and go oh no carbs!

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BonnieH1@reddit

🤣🤣 fantastic idea!

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pikantnasuka@reddit

If someone had *said* dinner (or tea) I would expect an actual meal and would probably have said when it became clear that there wasn't one "shall we order a takeaway?"

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BigBird2378@reddit

Are they British? In most of mainland Europe dinner wouldn't be at 1800 but that sort of meal would be very normal. A charcuterie board for apéro. They'd also have eaten a bigger lunch. In the UK we tend to have light lunches and heavy, early dinners.

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TheMusicArchivist@reddit

I think your gifts were more substantial than their 'dinner'

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HirsuteHacker@reddit

>But other than a ham sandwich for the children the food was wine, olives, cheese, dried figs and grapes. I would have assumed I'd accidentally shown up after the meal, when the cheeseboard course was being served

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Intelligent_Bar_710@reddit

And they know you’re staying in a hotel?! That’s not a meal, it’s an inconvenience. Also, figs? Piss off.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Figs are gorgeous. One of the tastiest things to eat imo. But, you know, before or after or part of an actual fucking meal, not just with a bit of bloody cheese

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thecrius@reddit

Figs and cheese are wonderful. Still, as a dessert :D

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Gblob27@reddit

I love ours with goat cheese.

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turkishhousefan@reddit

Big fig wasp!

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ALifeAsAGhost@reddit

I’d be so happy if I saw figs tbh haha

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Alex6534@reddit

That's the adult version of lunchables.

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hoochiscrazy_@reddit

Dinner

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Monkeyboogaloo@reddit

6pm I’d expext dinner if it was a dinner invite. Even if just a frozen pizza bunged in the oven.

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ScatterCushion0@reddit

Invited for "dinner" I expect a full meal. Doesn't matter about the time of day. The three standard meals are: Breakfast, lunch, dinner Breakfast, dinner, tea (and/or supper, depending on geography or class) Dinner is the substantial meal of the day.

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KeelsTyne@reddit

I avoid flowers. The host is busy, they don’t want to have yeti pull a vase out and prep flowers. Also, if it says 18:00 get there for 18:10.

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Katharinemaddison@reddit

I’m actually reminded of Abigail’s party. It’s drinks and nibbles but one guest thinks there’ll be food and nearly passes out because she didn’t eat earlier.

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TSC-99@reddit

I’d get hangry and cry

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peobarionboy@reddit

Jodie ?

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APiousCultist@reddit

That's less hangry and more hupset.

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Booboodelafalaise@reddit

McDonald’s on the way home…

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YouSayWotNow@reddit

If I'm invited for dinner, I absolutely assume I'd be served more than snacks, cheese and wine. If they wanted to do a cheese and wine evening, that's exactly what they should have called it.

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disaffectedwomble@reddit

Dinner. I would expect DINNER! I suggest that you invite them to yours and feed them until they nearly explode, so they know what is required in future. Meanwhile, I hope your hotel does an all you can eat breakfast, you are going to need it! Seriously though, are they alcoholics who forget to eat, or were they just trying to make a good impression but haven't really got a clue? Nothing worse than going out to eat and hoping to pass a McDonalds o the way home. It happened to me this weekend and I'm still angry about it, can you tell? 🤣

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Legal_Chemist314@reddit

If you come to my house, you'll always get fed and probably get some food to take home with you also.

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Coconutpieplates@reddit

Did they specify dinner? Because that's not what you got, you had nibbles/ wine and cheese night. I'd be disappointed because if you're there from 6 onwards you're clearly going to miss your own dinner time. The only time I'd not expect it, is if it was a large gathering like a 40th birthday with 30 people in your home so you're not cooking for 30 people but even then, you'd put out finger foods.

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Delicious-Cut-7911@reddit

That's classed as a cheese and wine party.

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Fine-Night-243@reddit

Weekday: a sit down family meal. Weekend: Possibly something more like Pizza or something. Either way, they're providing it and you get fed. It's a funny one. I stayed round my friend's house with his young family once. We put the kids to bed, and opened some wine. It got to 9pm and no food was offered. I ended up suggested getting a takeaway and they were like... Yeah if you like and then I had to buy it but they didn't really want anything, they got some chips. I wasn't sure if they were expecting me to buy dinner (why though) or if they just don't do evening meals. Either way it was pretty weird. Surely everyone has an evening meal. These are well off people as well, it's not like they couldn't afford it. If you come round mine you're either getting some kind of hearty casserole or curry with various carbs, or I'm lazy and order some pizza.

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PinkNeom@reddit

That’s bizarre. Surely you’ve had evening meals out together before if you’re close friends? Did you spend the whole day together and ate similar meals through the day? Just wondering if they’d already eaten earlier at some point if you were doing separate things. But I guess they would’ve then said they’d already eaten, plus it’s weird and rude to eat without your guest or not even talk about it later.

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Fine-Night-243@reddit

Yeah loads of times but he lives away so I don't see them much now. They'd been at work in the day and we came over at sixish when he got back.

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C-J-DeC@reddit

Dear God, they were waiting for you to leave so that they could make their dinner. You didn’t get their hints ?

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Fine-Night-243@reddit

We were staying the night!

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millenialis@reddit

Main and dessert, starter optional would be the expectation. I had a similar experience with a friend and learned to always have a meal before I go to dinner at hers: invite says dinner or lunch, but reality will be some crisps and nibbles with some sort of beige supermarket quiche or sausage rolls. The rest of the friend group always puts in effort and serve at least a main and dessert. Not sure if it's a cultural thing as she is British and the rest of us are foreigners...

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superkinks@reddit

Sounds like she probably just can’t cook

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Jazzberry81@reddit

Nah, that isn't dinner in Britain

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superkinks@reddit

That’s not a meal. All of this has made me irrationally angry. Also if I was given a lot of wine without any real food I would almost definitely have said “so when are we eating?”

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peter_j_@reddit

Was this 1v1 with someone who hoped to go to bed with you without feeling over full? If so, fine. If not, Man where's the food!?

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

No. It was my wife's second cousin twice removed that we were meeting for the first time.

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peter_j_@reddit

Well than booo! Bring out the dinner!

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dereks63@reddit

I'd be thinking nice starter, what's next!

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Drop_The_Puck@reddit

Now you know, I suppose. You were more than generous; we usually just bring the bottle of wine. I don't think your expectations were out of line but obviously their ideas were different. If you had a nice time, then no harm, no foul. You can decide if you want to accept a future invite or find an excuse. It takes 'all kinds' as they say. You didn't mention if they were from a different culture and maybe they have their big meal at noon.

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SeoulGalmegi@reddit

They said 'dinner'. That wasn't 'dinner'. You were fine - quite generous in your gifts. It's a 'they' problem.

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MyCatIsAFknIdiot@reddit

Hell no!! What you described was the pre-starter starter. If you dont walk out of my house having to loosen belts or buttons, I have not put enough food on the table!! It is common decency to provide more than you need, then if you have skills, make the remainder of it meals for you after

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PinkNeom@reddit

So I was once at dinner at someone’s house and we had starters which was a mixed platter in the middle of the table of those little appetisers, and then the plates were cleared and we all kind of mingled around for awhile between rooms. And then the mains never came. Turns out that was the full meal.

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ChiefsCharming1@reddit

Wine, olives and cheese are a great start but I’d definitely expect a bit more than just a grazing board for dinner

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NorthernSoul1977@reddit

Thanks for coming over for dinner. How was your day? Hmmm, that sounds great. Me, I've just done {insert thing here} You go and sit down - I'll serve up Time for the taste test. Is give that {insert score} out of ten. Thanks for coming over, it's been great seeing you again.

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EmilyNook@reddit

If they say dinner specifically then, no. That sounds like the sort of lazy girl dinner I might have if it was only me in the house and I felt like treating myself without touching any cooking. My one tip is to always ask what dinner is ahead of time if possible. If you don't think it's enough or don't like it, then you can bring a dish, but it also puts more expectation of a full meal in the hosts' head to provide something if they weren't already planning it.

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PresterLee@reddit

Apéritif snacks can't reasonably be described as dinner. Were you told this was to be the only food avaliable? How soon did you manage to get out of there?

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misspixal4688@reddit

If they said dinner then yes I'd expect a meal if they said come round for drinks would have eaten before and the nibbles would have been a nice bonus.

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Bgtobgfu@reddit

Yeah but you can’t eat before if it’s starting at 18.00.

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

We were specifically invited for dinner and turned up with a two and five year old (who were ezpected) I'm eating peanuts in our hotel room as a meal substitute

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Genuine question: did you ask them at any point during the evening when dinner would be/if there were any plans for a meal/mention that you hadn't eaten a meal yet or that you were hungry?

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misspixal4688@reddit

Order in food I made massive mistake of going to my parents parents for Christmas they don't do Christmas the way we do as in bring a dessert each put them in the middle of the table and have a dessert buffet apparently that's not normal so was so hungry after we ordered curry 😋

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit (OP)

Order in food to their place or our hotel. I'm guessing the latter but I want to double check in case there's a new social thing I'm not aware off. If someone ordered food to my house I'd defenestrate them followed by me.

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atidyfishfinner@reddit

The polite move is to order it afterwards to your hotel. That said - I'd be tempted to order it to their house if I'd been invited for dinner and found only small snacks available. It makes a point but you can't expect to be invited back, probably worth it IMO.

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misspixal4688@reddit

Order in at the hotel.

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Organis3dMess@reddit

Your hotel, if you are not that comfortable at there house (which I’m assuming you’re not, as you were not able to say…so, when’s dinner ready?)

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tiorzol@reddit

You would cook food though right. If in cooked and someone ordered food I might cry.

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PantherEverSoPink@reddit

I'll come to your parents for Christmas, you come to my in laws for seven courses

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misspixal4688@reddit

We have 3 courses but the dessert buffet is on another level me and my sister happily have small Christmas dinner to save room for all the desserts.

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CiderDrinker2@reddit

If someone invited me for 'dinner' I would expect a semi-formal, cooked, three or four course meal, with the good silver, cloth napkins, and best wine glasses. If someone invited me for 'supper' I would expect a more simple, less formal, but nevertheless hot and substantial, meal; maybe no starter, but probably with pudding. What you got was an invitation to 'a wine and cheese party'. Possibly a cultural misunderstanding.

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hallerz87@reddit

I’d expect a cooked meal, not nibbles. Sounds like there was a miscommunication, rational people don’t serve olives and call it dinner.

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dinkidoo7693@reddit

That's a fancy snack, it's not tea or dinner (I'm northern we have tea)

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WoodenConcert7585@reddit

I can’t even comprehend a scenario where someone I don’t know well invites me over for dinner. Like, you knew neither of these people well and went for dinner??

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Certain_Skill_6013@reddit

Been in this situation multiple times as a child(90s/2000s) My parents were overly bold and immediately start to order an “Indians” once they were into their 3rd bottle of wine, no matter the time of day/night or wherever we were. Always went down well thank god (till my dad was slopping madras on the settee)

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scullface1421@reddit

I don’t know what I would expect at 6pm. That’s so early for a dinner party. If children were there maybe it was just a play date with drinks? I don’t know I don’t have kids. An adult only dinner party I would expect to start 8 PM ish

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fracturedtoe@reddit

A delicious bat soup!

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carboncopy404@reddit

I’d expect that at 9pm onwards as like after dinner nibbles, 6pm is way too early to offer food that isn’t an actual meal as you barely have a chance to eat beforehand

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JustMMlurkingMM@reddit

That’s not dinner, that’s just drinks. If no real food arrived by 7pm I’d be phoning for pizza. Maybe the people that invited you are alcoholics? Sometimes when they get too far gone they forget about solid food.

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Original_Bad_3416@reddit

Wine wine wine. Prefect coming over

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-Po-Tay-Toes-@reddit

Depends how much cheese and if there was either bread or crackers. If there was enough cheese then fine, though I suspect that's not the case here. Having said that, I absolutely would've asked beforehand what was on the menu because I'm a greedy bitch and would've wanted to look forward to it.

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Vyvyansmum@reddit

No I’d expect ( hope for) a dinner & a desert. That’s the minimum I would provide. I’d make sure in advance that I’d do something the kids could enjoy especially & a nice choice of goodies. What you have described is a nibbly night. Very nice but not ‘dinner’. If I offer dinner you’ll get 2 or 3 courses, choice of drinks & cheese & biscuits ( that’s the best bit imho). It’s very good manners to bring gifts as you did, I’d be thrilled, but it wouldn’t be expecting it. If we’re close then calling for a takeaway & buying some snacky snacks while we drink & watch something on the telly. Dinner = a meal & dessert.

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spicyzsurviving@reddit

that’s not dinner how can they call it that?? that’s really not normal 😂

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FadingMandarin@reddit

The timing is odd. You'd normally invite people for dinner ..well, arrive maybe 7/730 and then eat a main course say 830 or later. Perhaps some miscommunication from them?

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rhay212@reddit

Would’ve done pasta for the kids and at least two courses for the adults. You got conned out of dinner big time.

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DEADB33F@reddit

Best way to find out what kind of meal to expect is to offer to bring a starter or dessert. They'll likely either say "No, we have it all covered" (indicating it's a full meal), or "No thanks, it's only drinks & snacks/nibbles", or "Yes please! that'd be a great help"...in which case your question of what to bring is also answered (but bring wine as well).

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Ok-Morning-6911@reddit

I think it's fine for it to be a 'picky tea', but I'd want some more substantial bits in there e.g. bread, some slices of Spanish tortilla, a salad of some sort. coleslaw, hummus, some cold cuts and then the olives, cheese, figs and grapes. That would be a nice tea!

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Foxtrot7888@reddit

If they said dinner I’d be expecting dinner.

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Happiest_Mango24@reddit

Same

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millyloui@reddit

That is no way in anyone’s language ‘dinner’ . That’s after dinner . Not normal hosting behaviour from anyone in any culture .

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Guessswhoooo21@reddit

If I’m having someone come over for dinner, specifically, I would not put out cheese n crackers only! That would be the nibbles to start with some wine. You know appies Maybe some meat spread too depending if they are vegetarian or not. I would then show off with my mean lasagna and Cesar salad skills then followed with a delicious dessert. Food everyone can enjoy

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BroodLord1962@reddit

So they didn't cook a meal! But then again I would have asked, 'what are we having?' prior to agreeing to go. I would be very disappointed with what you got. That's not a dinner it's finger snack food and drinks. Have to also ask, did they know you were bringing your kids? Because this sounds more like, 'come over and we'll have a few drinks.'

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GayDrWhoNut@reddit

Maybe it's just me (okay it's definitely just me) but I just hosted 7 people at mine for dinner a few weeks ago. Some people I'd only met twice. Now, there are no kids because we are students but I did manage to produce a 3-course meal and bread in a student kitchen (and a separate gluten free meal). If you invite people over without communicating that they should bring something specific, it's on you to provide what you invited people for. 18:00 is dinner time so you should at least be providing a main. No way in hell would you catch me providing only small nibbles. I'm embarrassed for whoever thought that was acceptable. What you were provided isn't a meal. It's very classic after-meal drinks food meant for nibbling on while you chatter the hours away drinking. I'm surprised there wasn't any port. As for what you brought, I think all three might be slightly overkill. I'd say 2 of the three at most. And it's nice if one of those things can be shared at some point in the evening. It really ties everybody's experience together that way.

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Violet351@reddit

At that time, I’d be providing a main meal and a dessert

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bumford11@reddit

I'd get smashed before I arrived and otherwise play it by ear

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Wavesmith@reddit

So they invited you just for the cheese course then?

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mentaldriver1581@reddit

That’s not dinner, that’s a wine and cheese party. I would also expect more than what was offered.

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Particular-Lime1651@reddit

Dinner is a meal. If you invited me for dinner, at 1800, I'd expect a meal. Apero is great, before dinner

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Paulstan67@reddit

Did they say come round "for" dinner or come round at "dinner time"?

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lankymjc@reddit

Did they say it was for dinner? If so they I would expect a meal. Otherwise it might just be crossed wires.

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GabberZZ@reddit

With my lot. Great, nibbles. Let's drink for the next 2 hours and order a curry.

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CapnAfab@reddit

That's some orthorexia bullshit. If this is a couple, maybe they've re-inforced each others madness until they think that's a normal dinner. A lot of people are fucking weird about food. You sound over-generous, if anything.

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kaylie7856@reddit

Are they not british by any chance? I know in certain cultures dinner is very late so 18:00 is viewed as more of a 'nibbles/snacks'

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No-Jicama-6523@reddit

That’s not dinner! Entirely reasonable to be disappointed.

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TheSecretIsMarmite@reddit

Your hosts are weird. Did they forget you were coming?

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Future_Direction5174@reddit

If someone invited me “for dinner” I would expect a meal. If someone invited me “for supper” I would expect drinks and nibbles. Dinner implies a sit down meal, it could be a buffet or salad bar, but it would be more than just olives and cheese, and fruit. Most people I know have their main meal in the evening, lunch would be something light to keep them going between breakfast and finishing work without making them full up and sluggish. To make it worse I hate olives, blue cheese and dried figs. So I might have ended up with just eating grapes… it wouldn’t have too so bad if they at least provided bread.

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KatVanWall@reddit

That's what I think would have been called, back in ye olden days (the 80s) a 'cheese and wine evening', not dinner. I would expect something more substantial, yes.

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monagr@reddit

Dinner is more than cheese I'd bring nice wine (c.£15) - not nice wine + flowers + chocolates

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AutumnSunshiiine@reddit

I would expect more than that. That’s cheese and nibbles, not dinner.

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tiorzol@reddit

Yea the timing is dinner time. Have a chat and some drinks then eat a meal at 7.30ish The hosts are waste, put a shit review on Google.

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purrcthrowa@reddit

I'd be ordering a pizza

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Necessary-Trash-8828@reddit

Who cares? I’d be grateful to be invited! The best thing you can do is send a note after today and say thank you for the lunch and that you really enjoyed it. They could’ve stressed for ages over it for all you know. Fair play to them for putting themselves out there and doing it.. I certainly wouldn’t!

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G30fff@reddit

That is a disgrace

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Azazeal123@reddit

I would definitely be expecting a full meal and would most likely make it super awkward and be like thanks for the nibbles but what time is dinner being served 🧐 then when they say no dinner.. I'd take the wine, chocolates and flowers and grab a takeaway on the way home. Jerks.

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CuckAdminsDkSuckers@reddit

Where's the main course?! (Lamb sauce...)

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dynze@reddit

Bags, slags, tags

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pajamakitten@reddit

Bring wine or beer and I would expect a proper meal. If you are only providing nibbles then you say so, since dinner has a pretty set meaning in people's minds.

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ZestycloseStyle88@reddit

I expect I'm expected to turn up around 18:00. I expect to eat dinner soon after I arrive. Anything unclear, I ask.

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PoinkPoinkPoink@reddit

I am greedy as FUCK so I always eat a light meal before I go to eat at someone else’s house. Then I know I’m never gonna be short changed, but also appear to be one of those mythical humans with limited appetite in front of polite company. What you were presented with is a mere snack pack.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit

Is it possible that you were invited over by The Romans? I would expect an actual meal if invited for dinner.

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LaraH39@reddit

I'd expect dinner. Main course and a dessert and/or some wine and cheese and fruit. Nibbles isn't dinner.

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Pedantichrist@reddit

That is not dinner.

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Timely_Egg_6827@reddit

I'd expect a sit down meal with maybe nibbles first and then eat at 7pm. I have a friend who is diabetic and as we can't do the chocolates or wine, we tend to bring the meat for the main meal. However, I have served that mix for lunch but with added cooked sausage rolls etc for lunch when not quite sure what people's plan were. Finger food they can scale up or down works well.

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