Having a difficult time deciding if I should fly home for a funeral.
Posted by zumdeutschlernen@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 39 comments
My grandmother passed away this past weekend and the funeral won't be held for another week and a half so I do have time to make it home. It was a long time coming as she'd been in decline this entire year but I was really close to her and I really want to attend the funeral. The issue is, I'm worried about jeopardizing my current residency status in Germany as I've just immigrated here a year ago. I have a temporary residency permit that is valid for 3 years and from looking into it I should be fine to travel but I'm afraid that with Germany's boarders being a lot stricter lately that I may run into trouble upon returning. I've already spoken to my family about the situation and they're okay with either way I decide but I'm so torn. I worked so hard to get to this point to be living here that I don't want to risk something going wrong but at the same time I'm afraid I'll regret not being there. Funerals don't really do much for me and I can attend virtually but I want to be there for my family. I just have no idea what to do.
Emily_Postal@reddit
Your US consulate may be able advise as well.
curlymess24@reddit
What do you mean temporary residence permit? If you have a Fiktionsbescheinigung (normally a green piece of paper) you should clear it up with the Ausländerbehörde first if you could even leave the country with it. However if you have a normal Aufenthaltserlaubnis (typically a card), leaving Germany doesn’t jeopardize your status.
Tsuki_Rabbit@reddit
I travelled with Fiktionsbescheinigung once, I was stressed AF but the nice border control lady told me it was absolute fine and that I could leave and re-enter. So even that is fine.
curlymess24@reddit
There are different types of Fiktionsbescheinigung. Some would let you leave the country and travel with it and some don’t. That’s why it’s best to clear it up with the Ausländerbehörde first if it’s not a clear cut residence permit like an Aufenthaltserlaubnis.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Sorry, I should have been more specific. I do have an Aufenthaltserlaubnis. But that's good to know for my decision. Thanks for the comment.
averysmallbeing@reddit
Seriously, you guys could be making those names up. I know you aren't, but you could be.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Lol, yeah, German can be complicated - coming from someone still trying to learn the language😅
curlymess24@reddit
Then you should be fine, no one would question a thing. You can leave the country and visit your family. Just make sure that your time abroad does not exceed 6 months per year.
My condolences. FWIW I would want to attend the funeral if I were you. Go for it.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much for the help. After reading so many of these comments, I'm way more at ease about my decision to go.
Tsuki_Rabbit@reddit
This is nonsense. You are not a refugee who is not supposed to travel to the country he/she is seeking refuge from. You are just a regular American and you can travel all you want and you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Do not listen to rumours about "Germans getting stricter", read about your legal rights from official sources. Jesus.
Gold-Instance1913@reddit
Nonsense. You can fly to the US, it has no impact on your residency.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Thanks!
i-love-freesias@reddit
Your grandma is gone. Funerals are for the people left behind. If they don’t care, don’t worry about it. You can say your own goodbyes from anywhere.
You might ask if they need any money for the funeral, if you can afford it.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Yeah, that's a good point. I already planned a lot of different ways I could still "be there" and participate from afar if necessary. I know my grandma wouldn't have wanted me to travel all that way, and my family is very understanding. It's just a matter of if I can muster the strength to travel 12+ hours twice in one week. If I were any closer to home, it'd be an easy yes. Those long-haul flights are rough!
inrecovery4911@reddit
I travel(led) regularly on my various residency permits in Germany. It was never an issue as?long as I showed my passport and the residency permit on exit and re-entry. Still, if you can get someone on the phone (not always easy with the Amts!) to clarify, that's probably best.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
I have a USA passport, but thank you for the info!
discoltk@reddit
I traveled to see my grandfather in 2019 about 6mo before he died from cancer. Going there during covid wasn't a reasonably option, so I didn't attend the funeral- but frankly, the only value of the funeral is for you or for your family's sake.
Grandma isn't going to know the difference. If your family has let you off the hook, and the event does little for you personally, just let it slide and make the most of a better timed visit home. Just because you CAN go doesn't mean you HAVE TO.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
That's a really good point. Thank you for your comment!
MissZissou@reddit
I cant make the decision for you but, someone dear to me passed away unexpectedly when I had first moved away. TBH I was young and dumb and frankly in denial. I nearly drank myself to death to cope but because it was unexpected I just couldn't bear to see them in a casket so I didn't fly home. Almost a decade later and that decision is still one of my biggest regrets
Possible-4284@reddit
I'm not an expert or anything, just a person online. I've attended funerals and I've not attended them.
I actually know I won't attend my own mother's funeral. I love my mom more than anything. But I don't need to fly halfway around the world for her funeral, I can have my own funeral for her in my own way where I am.
There is no time limit on when one can have a funeral either. Or number of them.
I plan on having a great meal and drink out when I can bear the thought of going out and doing so. I plan on doing similar in her favorite travel location whenever I get there next.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
These are great points. I had planned to do something similar if I wasn't going to be able to make it to my grandmother's funeral. You don't have to attend the funeral to still honor your person's memory. There's so many ways to do that from afar, too!
MissZissou@reddit
Thats a good point. So Sorry about your mom♥️
Possible-4284@reddit
Thanks. My mom is fine :)
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. Thanks for sharing. That's definitely one of my fears. I don't want to regret anything.
MissZissou@reddit
yeah If I could redo it, I would in a heartbeat but unfortunately you cant. Obviously, some people are super close with their grandparents, some arent- only you know where you fall along that spectrum. But if you are close, I would definitely recommend trying to be there
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Thank you for your advice.
aadustparticle@reddit
If the rules say you can re-enter the country, then you 100% can re-enter. Germans are known for following the rules.
Possible-4284@reddit
The ol' Nuremberg Trial Defense
thirdcoasting@reddit
If you’re concerned, I suggest contacting the government office involved in this matter directly. I know Germans love rules & bureaucracy so I’m sure there’s a written rule for this situation already.
I encourage you to go if possible. Funerals, at least in my experience, are really a celebration of life & your loved one’s memory (at least for those who die from ‘old age’). It’s also a chance to see all the cousins and aunties you haven’t seen for years.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
That's a good point, I should look into that. Thanks for the advice!
thirdcoasting@reddit
Of course 💜 If you can get an official answer (maybe even in writing) you won’t be so stressed out during your visit to the States. Sorry for your, and your family’s, loss.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
That's true. Thank you so much🫶
pk-singh@reddit
I believe you should not have any issue if you have a valid passport and residence permit. If you still have questions then you can email your state's immigration office about your query and they usually reply within days.
mayfeelthis@reddit
You’d be fine as long as you don’t overstay the required amounts of travel for your residence permit type. You said you fit that, print s copy of the web page with the date stamp for your travels if you’re concerned of policy change.
I happened to have a copy like that for where I lived, it allowed the check in staff at departure to relax because the policy was right there and printed in the dates of the ticketing and flights. Coincidentally the EU regulations had changed but it was still within the limit that applied for me. They do follow the regulations they state on the government immigration authority’s official website/documents.
zumdeutschlernen@reddit (OP)
Thank you for your comment! I will definitely look into all of that for some peace of mind.
mayfeelthis@reddit
Glad it helped. Sorry for your loss, go see grandma off imho.
Francis_Dollar_Hide@reddit
Coming from someone who couldn't attend his Grandmother's funeral because of COVID travel restrictions I would advise you to go. You will have no issues getting back in.
Dai5yM0n5t3R@reddit
This. Same situation- I would have done anything to be there instead of watching on Zoom. I don’t see why there would be any issue with US citizen with an EU resident permit (even temporary) to be able to visit their home country for any reason, at any time.
Francis_Dollar_Hide@reddit
I'm sorry you went through that friend, I felt the same way.