Educator here. The language has kind of degraded in high schools these days. So for OP I don't exactly think you are a doormat. I think your child has influences that are deeply impactful in their choices and those come from peers, from the culture around them, and media. Dress codes and use of language are kind of a different standard than what we had. Many other standards such as around personal responsibility are different, too. But the way kids talk and their generally extremely casual attitude about what to wear and being places on time and such are the really jarring differences that a Gen Xer would notice right away in a school setting. That said, his behavior is completely unacceptable because it was directed at a teacher and he was also acting like a little child by tearing up the paper.

Many educators today are Millennials or even Gen Z. They generally make good teachers, they have some good strategies for teaching the material and they work fairly well with the teens of today. I see the grades and the test scores and honestly I am serious that they are generally good teachers. But they don't even always register if the kid says a swear word or they wear a hat or ripped jeans or something like that. Also, they tend to empathize with a student who thinks they need to be constantly checking their phone every time it beeps or vibrates because they don't know what it is like to spend 6 or 7 hours without a smartphone. r

Regardless of your thoughts on that, the problem here is the disrespect to the teacher and just how immature the outburst was.

The punishment should be significant, should last some noticeable period of time, and it should be sustainable by the parents. For example, maybe the student has phone access and this is for safety and etc. If you feel you can't take away the phone then you can install an app to adjust permissions for the smartphone features, etc. You can also track the location. I am aware this is not very Gen X of us. But I also got into a lot of bad situations with some of my freedoms.

Make him do his homework. Nearly every school has a technology portal where you can check if his work is getting done or not. You don't need to "helicopter" to the teacher constantly asking if he did something. But you can check if it is turned in and graded in many cases. "Did you get all of your homework in today?" And then follow up with, "Great, let me just check on the app to make sure the teacher received it ..." This is a really simple process that doesn't require a bunch of shouting and tantrums.

Maybe he has a certain standard for academics that you expect and if he meets the standard that week then he can temporarily earn back a privilege over the weekend. Go to a football game or something like that. I think the Xbox and the smartphone stays away for awhile.

Other sustainable punishments around the use of the game system and/or the TV. Can you switch off the WiFi when you are away? How about overnight while you are sleeping and etc? Not everyone can but that is a thought. My mom would literally take a scissors and cut the power cord off of the TV. I bet I'm not even the only Gen Xer who dealt with that kind of thing.

My mom would also beat and spank us and I don't do that to my kids. Whether it was abusive then according to the standards of the time is debatable. We know more now and it doesn't seem to produce desired results over the long run. And it can produce some really bad results.

Maybe you don't snip the ends off of the cables like my mom did, but I think you can take the cords for the Xbox and those are easier to secure than the whole game system. Put them in the trunk of your car or someplace that he literally cannot access if you happen to be away at work. Smart TV? Nope. Take the power cord or even pull out the ethernet cable or fire stick, etc. Check out PBS kids for awhile if you want to watch TV. Maybe you'll learn something.

It sounds like your child will benefit from some counseling. Also some kind of restorative process with the teacher. Forcing them to do some kind of immediate "pretend" apology seems like a great idea but a more meaningful response is to have them invest in learning about just how nasty their behavior was and providing an authentic apology instead. Maybe in addition to the initial letter or whatever. Spend actual time considering their mistakes and then have an actual honest conversation where they truly acknowledge their faults.

Tutoring might also be warranted. Sometimes kids have these blow ups because they feel vulnerable or stupid because they don't know how to do the work. So they blame it on somebody else.

The behavior is awful but I do see things like this on a periodic basis. Definitely once a week or so in our school of about 1,000 students. Sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you can get out ahead of it now.