ULPT Request! My partner refuses to stop using a repulsive aftershave. How do I return this olfactory assault without seeming like I'm doing it with malintent?

[-]

prozak09@reddit

YOU SMELL JUST LIKE MY EX AND I LOVE IT!

Fastest he will ever switch.

[-]

emo-tastic@reddit (OP)

This would work is he didn't already know i didn't like it. >.< Storing this away for the future.

[-]

RedBullRyan@reddit

Tell him you only pretended to not like it as you a) find it really sexy and b) now can't stop thinking about your ex

[-]

throwaway7264235@reddit

If it’s that bad, OP may be willing to end the relationship over it, so there’s nothing to lose really

[-]

theimperious1@reddit

yeah u/emo-tastic dont do this. chances for a horrible outcome are over 9000%

[-]

MsChrisRI@reddit

Then say “you smell just like my ex, that’s why I hate it.”

[-]

The_Price_Is_Wrong_B@reddit

Or say that it smells just like your ex’s cum. Sure, you still hate the smell but does your partner want you to be reminded of your ex’s load every time he puts it on?

[-]

ahhh-its-snowing@reddit

🤣🤣🤣 this is one of the best comments I've ever read on this subreddit

[-]

EternalLostandFound@reddit

Tell him repeatedly that he smells just like your grandfather whenever he puts it on?

[-]

OblongAndKneeless@reddit

Tell him you said you didn't like it as a way to avoid bringing up the ex boyfriend, but in fact it constantly brings back good memories of him.

[-]

Beautifully_TwistedX@reddit

Tell him you didn't want to rock the boat but the actual reason you can't stand it is because it reminds you of your ex ....

[-]

clownstew@reddit

Your aftershave smells just like the one my ex used and every time I smell you I can't stop thinking about him... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just feel so guilty about it.

[-]

driftxr3@reddit

If I was aftershave guy, I would leave if she ever told me this. I guess she can kill two birds with one stone.

[-]

itzasoo@reddit

Hahahahaha yes! Get him RIGHT in the insecurity!

[-]

jasimo@reddit

If you've communicated that you strongly dislike it and he continues to use it, stanky aftershave is the least of your problems.

He apparently doesn't like or respect you enough to trivially change his aftershave routine.

You are wasting your time.

[-]

Ajt0ny@reddit

Yeah, in a healthy relationship your partner is WITH YOU, not against you.

[-]

tilldeathdoiparty@reddit

Boom, the actual life tip, and it’s ethical.

Respect your boundaries more than the one crossing them if you expect them to be honoured.

[-]

Affectionate-Cow3377@reddit

Stop having sex with him. That aftershave will be in the bin immediately.

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Exhausted_Biscuit@reddit

Tell him he smells like your dad or brother.

[-]

I have an absurdly acute sense of smell. I've learned from experience that I can't have a lasting relationship with most women who habitually wear perfume. Whether they give it up or I try to live with it, someone is going to be resentful. My son's mom, for instance, said she didn't mind not wearing it when we were together, but now couches it as me being abusive and controlling.

[-]

RandomAccountNam@reddit

or him out of mine. Yes, it's that bad.

I mean, if he cares that little for you... 🤷‍♂️

[-]

Koomaster@reddit

Yeah this is an easy one; get rid of him. Changing aftershave is of such a minor inconvenience that him being unwilling to do so for your sake is a giant red flag. If my partner said they even mildly disliked my cologne, I’d toss it in the trash without a second thought.

[-]

Fluid_Extent_9075@reddit

My favourite thing about Reddit is how fast it suggests leaving your significant other, even if OP wants any suggestion other than leaving their significant other.

[-]

therealsylviaplath@reddit

I mean, in fairness, OP did say one option was getting rid of him

[-]

Koomaster@reddit

The only other option here is to fulfill OP’s request on how to ‘get back’ at their partner. When it seems neither person cares nor respects the other, the better option for all involved is to just break up vs playing games and making each other miserable.

I will acquiesce to your point that you will see the advice to break up more often on Reddit. But usually that’s also the most sound direction once you’ve reached the point of soliciting advice from internet strangers.

[-]

Ixnwnney123@reddit

Yeah, skip critically thinking and developing your own world views! Stick to the script if you ask for one, just choose the majority answer given by bots or single and frustrated people like everyone else on Reddit

[-]

OriginalComputer5077@reddit

I feel that liquid ass is possibly called for...

[-]

llamapants15@reddit

Liquid ass or a piss disk. But if this is how their relationship is, then probably breaking up would be better for those involved.

Although, I do want to find out how the liquid ass works out.

[-]

OriginalComputer5077@reddit

The ole switcheroo with the aftershave...

[-]

llamapants15@reddit

I can't tell if you are god or the devil. Either way, that was an awesome response

[-]

tinbutworse@reddit

“i am experiencing sensory issues so bad that i gag regularly from them, and cannot sleep. my partner does not care and continues to intentionally cause them.” how is this not a “break up with him” moment lmao he didn’t just mess up, he is IGNORING any attempt at communicating the issue to the point that OP is so bitter that they are asking how to hurt their partner in the same way

[-]

i-sleep-well@reddit

Exactly. Also, it is intrinsically a one sided argument.

OOP: 'I called my boyfriend 3 times and he sent me to voicemail. Should I leave him?'

reddit: 'Yes. He's definitely cheating on you. Ditch that loser!'

Boyfriend: 'FFS. I was having surgery.'

[-]

Gaygaygreat@reddit

I think a lot of people use this website for general discussion more often than not and it’s important to see these types of things discussed. Many folks stay with a partner who doesn’t care about them with no one ever telling them that it’s obvious their partner is being shady, hurtful, or uncaring.

[-]

FirebirdWriter@reddit

Okay so I don't disagree with you here. However if this person is so hell bent on ignoring their partner then what else are they railroading into OPs life? This is what OP needs to ask themselves and assess if they want to spend the rest of their lives with a noseblind person. I do wonder also if the partner has had COVID and is thinking OP is exaggerating because they're used to their poor sense of smell and taste

My mother has never had a sense of smell or taste. Not just for fashion and class but olfactory. She's like this. She is also a diagnosed narcissist and even when this was a threat to multiple children wouldn't stop bathing (often to replace actually bathing) in cheap perfume. She was so certain this was better than BO alone. It never is. So the point isn't actually just give up but it's poorly articulated "Why are you accepting this lack of communication and concern about your health." If you can taste it then it's strong enough to cause breathing issues for people

[-]

Ne0n1691Senpai@reddit

man yall give shitty ass relationship advice, leave it to reddit over the smallest shit to immediatetly go "divorce him, no contact" you guys are single for a reason lol

[-]

Successful-Doubt5478@reddit

I mean, you kind of want your partner to be turned on by you so you get more sex?

[-]

AndyC1111@reddit

It matters.

If the relationship is less than a year old and you’re still both seeing if it’s going to work, then absolutely…exit. If he doesn’t care enough to make such a simple adjustment it’s probably going to get worse from here.

But if the two of you have been cohabitating and have built a life together, it’s complicated.

I would suggest sleeping on the couch. He will ask why. Tell him it’s the cologne.

[-]

HBThorburn@reddit

Yeah. Sounds like OP needs to glue partner's balls to his butt hole and kick rocks.

[-]

lavasca@reddit

There’s a somg about that. AI generated but still.

[-]

thegamingfaux@reddit

Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on glue

[-]

OldERnurse1964@reddit

I glued my balls to my butthole again.

[-]

suejaymostly@reddit

It's very catchy, too.

[-]

Mrspiderhair@reddit

Honestly I read that as "glue his balls to rocks, and kick his butthole" and that made a weird kind of sense to me lol

[-]

clockmaker82@reddit

Yeah, if i were using a cologne that my wife hated, we would find something we both liked. She is the suggestor of soaps and beard oils.

[-]

artfuldodgerbob23@reddit

Use your words....ffs

[-]

RichardRDown@reddit

OP, purchase a decant of the fragrance Followed by Kerosene. It smells kind of like maple syrup and a little bit of a coffee edge. OP. I CANNOT STRESS HOW STRONG THIS STUFF IS. IT LINGERS FOREREVER. Spray it on his stuff in the house and see how he likes it.

[-]

kind_one1@reddit

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[-]

cnycompguy@reddit

Use the juice from tuna fish cans as your preferred fragrance until they relent.

[-]

Rishiku@reddit

Put a drop of liquid ass in the bottle. He’ll buy another, do it again.

He may stop…or you’ll at least get some good laughs

[-]

Bubbly-Manufacturer@reddit

Hasn’t he developed an allergy to it?

[-]

princessbubbbles@reddit

Vomit due to the smell

[-]

kroboz@reddit

I’m a professional writer and I gotta say your word choice feels like maybe you’re making this more dramatic than it needs to be. If you can’t communicate with them, then they’re not right for you. Also, what kind of a person wants their partner to suffer? Do you want to be with them or not?

Easiest way to solve it: show them your Reddit history. Then you won’t have a partner to worry about!

[-]

Zobny@reddit

I don’t think you need to be a “professional writer” to see OP has deliberately chosen dramatic language for comedic effect. This is r/ULPT not r/effectivecommunication.

[-]

xInfinity962@reddit

Welp guess I'm a professional writer now

[-]

emo-tastic@reddit (OP)

I'm a professional redditor. I have discovered, if your post isn't at least mildly interesting, no one bothers to answer it. 😉

[-]

PalatableRadish@reddit

Hide some eggs somewhere he won't find them, wherever you want the smell to be. Wait a few weeks. Crack them open just before leaving the house.

[-]

Illustrious_Donkey61@reddit

They would probably crack on their own if left long enough

[-]

PalatableRadish@reddit

If you do it yourself you can make them all go at once

[-]

MelodicIllustrator46@reddit

Red flag moment. Piss disk him and leave him

[-]

Relevant_Theme_468@reddit

Really surprised I had to get this far in the comments before seeing the ever popular piss disc option.

[-]

MelodicIllustrator46@reddit

Milk injection in couch is the new beta, but piss will never be forgotten

[-]

Relevant_Theme_468@reddit

As it should be 🎯

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Standard_Arm_440@reddit

It’s couch injection milk now, piss disks were from last season.

[-]

Cyndy2ys@reddit

I thought the cool thing right now was liquid ass disks?? Did I miss the trend again??

[-]

MelodicIllustrator46@reddit

Inject his couch with piss milk and leave him

[-]

FeralCatWrangler@reddit

WOAH, slow down Satan! That's EVIL. I can only imagine the stank that would come from that.

[-]

Iconospasm@reddit

Liquid prawn is the latest tactic

[-]

DownrightDrewski@reddit

Dude is bringing a nuke to a knife fight - savage.

[-]

Iconospasm@reddit

A friend of mine legit did this. His business (very cool boutique furniture) was ejected from their commercial premises for a genuinely innocuous reason. As a revenge present, he injected liquid prawn into the walls. The commercial premises have now lay empty for months. Just wait until the next would-be owner goes in there 😬🤮☠️

[-]

MelodicIllustrator46@reddit

Well... OP did need something stinky...

[-]

Standard_Arm_440@reddit

Welcome to the next season here on R/ULPT

[-]

PutNameHere123@reddit

I’m thinking: take a bit of the cologne, cut up the hottest pepper you can find, and let it sit overnight to infuse the cologne with the irritant. Decant it back into the cologne.

This way, his skin will get irritated and he’ll blame the cologne/switch brands

[-]

purplefoxie@reddit

fart spray

[-]

kasxj@reddit

No advice, but laughing at olfactory assault 🤣 good luck girl hahaha

[-]

HeartlessWench86@reddit

Buy a terrible perfume- im talking suffocating florals with chemical burn and a hint of diaper at the end. We need rancid. Everytime he wears that aftershave, you wear the perfume- a GENEROUS amount of it. Choke him out with it. You dont want to be subtle. If you gotta suffer, so will he. If he comments on it, twll him you'll toss the perfume when he tosses the aftershave.

[-]

teh_perfectionist@reddit

Honey, is that you?

[-]

Moist_Cabbage8832@reddit

I feel like this is the perfect setup for the best liquid ass sales pitch of all time

[-]

affemannen@reddit

..... Im more amazed over someone that still uses a Cologne if their partner says it's horrible... Like wtf is the point then?

Just stop showering and say you dont need to since he is using enough aftershave to cover for you too.

[-]

TenuouslyTenacious@reddit

This is reddit, we need to be asking WHO bought him the aftershave, or which female coworker told him she liked it... I'm not even completely joking lol

[-]

Supakuri@reddit

Maybe he’s trying to get her to breakup with him because he doesn’t have the heart to break it off first? That’s my best guess, not sure why else a partner would want to repulse you.

[-]

JetSetJAK@reddit

Shid your pants

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Drink_Deep@reddit

ULPT: Get a really repulsive scent and spray it on their pillow case. Claim it’s new detergent and it’s supposed to be the best for skin or some shit. Never back down on sticking to this new laundry routine. Slowly increase the amount each day.

ELPT: Have an adult conversation with your partner because this is ridiculous and dumb. No aftershave is worth doing this to someone you love. Gimme a break.

[-]

emo-tastic@reddit (OP)

Haha, this is good.

[-]

whogomz@reddit

Stop being a sensitive batch

[-]

simplebutstrange@reddit

Buy him a aftershave you like and toss the other one

[-]

GardenerSpyTailorAss@reddit

OP: ULPT? Haha this is good.

    EthicalLifeProTip? TL;DR.

[-]

Ruddiver@reddit

May I suggest Couch Injected Milk Scent Perfume by Maybelline?

[-]

No-Preparation-4632@reddit

Report him to the authorities!!

[-]

Ok_Vulva@reddit

Use ladies "Degree" deodorant, and the og scented "Gain" laundry soap.

When they mix with sweat it will make you smell like a cat peed on you.

[-]

donh-@reddit

Run. Now. Never look back.

[-]

suziq338@reddit

You could buy a scent you like and replace the contents of his cologne bottle. It won’t fix the problem of someone wearing so much cologne that it hits you like a wall. It won’t get him to be respectful. But at least it will be a scent you don’t hate.

[-]

Automatic_Ad1887@reddit

Get ya some old lady perfume. Lay it on heavy.

[-]

thedidacticone@reddit

Ask him if it is illegal in 9 countries. Or is it also made from bits of real panthers. Or just qoute "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time." when he wears it.

When you smell it ask if it is "London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard’s Delight."

Tell him it's quite pungent and its a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils.

Don't stop the qoutes until he stops the aftershave.

[-]

thekitt3n_withfangs@reddit

There's also the classic, "What is that?? Smells like a turd, covered in hair!" and "Smells like a used diaper filled with Indian food!"

Or, my favorite, just start crying and yell "IT SMELLS LIKE BIGFOOT'S DICK!"

Or

[-]

The_Sensual@reddit

Or it smells like a sumo wrestler took a dump on a burning tire

[-]

Pham27@reddit

What aftershave is it? You might be saving some relationships by stating.

[-]

emo-tastic@reddit (OP)

It's by clubman. He has a couple by the same makers and they're all repulsive.

[-]

Nyamzz@reddit

Dude has 50 other aftershaves and he chooses the one he knows you’re viscerally disgusted by…maybe he’s trying to give you a hint ??

[-]

Pham27@reddit

It's Pinaud, isn't it?

[-]

ijustsailedaway@reddit

Gotta be Sex Panther

[-]

HelicopterUpbeat5199@reddit

Underappreciated comment!

[-]

Elevatejeff@reddit

Just keep pretending not to fart in bed

[-]

coccopuffs606@reddit

You smell like my (insert male relative you hate here)

[-]

Dyo_Dyo@reddit

I don’t think he likes you

[-]

SnooSongs1525@reddit

If she speaks like she writes she’s probably pretty annoying ngl

[-]

Pantsy-@reddit

Maybe his new girlfriend or boyfriend really likes this scent. Maybe the barista at his regular coffee shop commented on the stank once ironically and he’s trying to seduce them.

[-]

theBoobMan@reddit

Fart spray in the aftershave, duh. He won't put it on if it smells like shit. Just be ready to poison the other bottles he may attempt to replace it with, or just get him one you do like so prevent its replacement.

[-]

The_Sensual@reddit

I scrolled down looking for this answer.

Start filling it up with liquid ass and he'll walk around all day smelling his own shit cologne

Even if he buys a new bottle, he might forever correlate that scent with having subtle notes of shit and it'll never be the same

[-]

Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit

She should put liquid ass in the aftershave on the day she moves out. No, she won’t be there to see the aftermath, but who really would want to be there? The whole home is gonna smell like ass including his face. He won’t be able to jump in the shower fast enough. Bonus points for putting liquid ass in his shampoo, too.

[-]

CommercialExotic2038@reddit

I would actually vomited. I have allergies to chemical fragrances (among other things), and vomiting would come swiftly.

[-]

lilithspython@reddit

Make the aftershave burn or sting, but not actually cause any damage. Keep refilling it until he stops using that particular product.

I don't have a suggestion as to what will burn or sting without causing actual harm or damage.

[-]

MiniGogo_20@reddit

you break up with him stating that his smell reminds you too much of your ex

[-]

SeanFrank@reddit

Sixty percent of the time, it works every time

[-]

drinksandogs@reddit

Stop using deodorant and shaving.

[-]

Most-Potato1038@reddit

There’s a perfume called Followed by Kerosene. It is nuclear level strength and smells like maple syrup/coffee. Just opening the packaging indoors is enough to make the whole house smell for weeks. Order a tiny sample and put it on his clothes. No more after shave smell cause he’ll smell like syrup forever.

[-]

BigBlueRedYellow@reddit

Is this a troll post? If you both like eachother that little maybe you should just....not be dating.

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Intelligent_Age_4676@reddit

Buy him something you like. Throw the other one away. Bang their brains out when they switch and they will not go back

[-]

TheWorldNeedsDornep@reddit

Dump half down the drain, replace with rubbing alcohol. Continue doing this until the smell is sufficiently reduced.

[-]

perplexedspirit@reddit

Patchouli. Or vanilla.

Two fragrances that make my stomach turn. If applied in copious amounts, it's headache inducing for most people.

[-]

FrostySand8997@reddit

Shit your pants while on a long road trip with spouse. Also piss discs.

Edit: oops wrong sub.

[-]

stompanata@reddit

Maybe your partner is just super cheap and bought a giant bottle of the stuff. Buy them something that you like to replace it with.

[-]

Bammalam102@reddit

I wont tell you to leave as others seem to have that down… I mean it already smells bad to you right? So whats the problem with it smelling worse? One spray of liquid ass a day should slowly turn it rancid where no one wants that on or around them. Say it must have gotten old or something but you know how much this aftershave means to him so you had an extra ready to go… an extra that has the same amount of sprays of liquid ass as when he complains something is wrong with it. Then if he asks you to smell them say that they smell the same as every-time you smell it, repulsive.

[-]

Super-Travel-407@reddit

Add a bottle of peppermint extract to it. It'll be very unpleasant for him to use.

If you are fond of him, test it on your skin first to be sure it's not too too cruel.

[-]

ruprectthemonkeyboy@reddit

“Sex Panther is a cologne which is illegal in 9 countries. It is also made from bits of real panthers. 60% of the time, it works every time.“

— Anchorman

[-]

Ipsilateral@reddit

Aftershave? Send them back to the nursing home.

[-]

emo-tastic@reddit (OP)

Fr

[-]

KermitsPuckeredAnus2@reddit

Incidentally, what is this godforsaken aftershave, I'm betting Old Spice

[-]

LuementalQueen@reddit

They said elsewhere its clubman.

[-]

KermitsPuckeredAnus2@reddit

Shit, that's what I wear.

[-]

LuementalQueen@reddit

/whistles innocently while looking around.

Well, would you look at the time...

[-]

thebannedtoo@reddit

mix it with cat piss.

[-]

NonConvergent_Exon@reddit

I'd ask him one last time, letting him know that the smell is really bad. If he doesn't, throw up on the bed and leave.

[-]

Ok-Armadillo-5634@reddit

Piss in it

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sigh_co_matic@reddit

Stop being near him when he’s wearing it. When he’s not, be super affectionate and close. It’s using negative and positive reinforcement.

[-]

Deathglass@reddit

Just break up...

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belzebuth999@reddit

Claim your ex wore the same.

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CTripps@reddit

Pour the aftershave bottle out, and refill it with bong water.

[-]

LanaMonroe90@reddit

Liquid fart spray. Put it in a perfume bottle and just say it’s a new fragrance that you like. Refuse to stop using it. Will it make you smell absolutely putrid? Sure will but it should get the point across.

[-]

Fast-Wrongdoer-6075@reddit

Buy an alternative. Throw out old one.

Maybe also refuse to be intimate if they smell like the gross one?

[-]

MischiefBrewing@reddit

Patchouli and tye dye shirt to sell it

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takeandtossivxx@reddit

Is it in a glass bottle? "Accidentally" knock it to the floor, and go buy a decent smelling aftershave as an "apology."

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Spare_Bottle5742@reddit

Tell him that you met a really sweet gay guy who wears the same thing. When you found out, you were shocked. gays can smell this super alpha scent for miles and days after. They can get real primal if you’re too close.

[-]

Dijiwolf1975@reddit

Is he using Sex Panther?

I would personally just buy some Liquid Ass and secretly spray it every time he eats something.

[-]

Confident-Act-7228@reddit

Simply pick up his aftershave empty it out then replace with your favorite smell into his old aftershave bottle then compliment his new choice. Or replace with fox piss lol

[-]

Nathan-Stubblefield@reddit

Sounds like he wants you out if his life.

[-]

tater56x@reddit

Exactly. I came here to say this.

[-]

DonkeyWorker@reddit

cover yourself in cheap patchouli oil, it's disgusting, when he complains pretend you love the smell.

You can also increase the nastiness of it by not washing and dressing like an emo clown.

[-]

btiddy519@reddit

Drop liquid ass in the aftershave bottle so if he wants to be petty he can smell it all day

[-]

Ruddiver@reddit

May I suggest Couch Injected Milk Scent Perfume by Maybelline?

[-]

lavasca@reddit

Maybe he’s trying to get rid of you.

Go scorched earth on your way out!

[-]

Notsewcrazee13@reddit

Agreed - or, maybe there’s someone in his life that he wants to impress, or already has impressed, who has told him that he smells good.

[-]

Nathan-Stubblefield@reddit

Might be a gift from the new side piece.

[-]

TooMuchJan@reddit

You're gagging at the smell and telling him? And he's still wearing it?

Try a new man who respects you. You can't Victoria's Secret Body Spray your way out of the larger problem.

[-]

LuementalQueen@reddit

Put liquid arse in all the shitty ones he has. When he says something say you're glad he can now smell it too.

[-]

flat-moon_theory@reddit

You’ve told him you don’t like it and it’s causing issues, he responds with a nope?

The cologne isn’t the problem here

[-]

LuementalQueen@reddit

Just like the Iranian yoghurt.

[-]

kolitics@reddit

It sounds like "told" may be overstating how civil the conversation was

[-]

st0neski@reddit

Tell him to grow a pair and grow a beard like a man.

[-]

doctorfortoys@reddit

Just poop on his side of the bed and be done with it.

[-]

disappearingspork@reddit

ULPT: find something that causes skin irritation, like poison ivy, or various essential oils (the less smelly ones of course), and slowly start adding it to the aftershave. wait for them to start having rashes and suggest "maybe its that new aftershave youve been using?".

tho i think if u were desperate enough to do this itd maybe be time to just consider a break up lol

[-]

Visual_Hedgehog2962@reddit

Pure capsaicin extract

[-]

sanrihoe420@reddit

buy cherry ambition by 7 virtues. absolutely cover yourself in it. it smells like cigarettes and cough syrup, truly disgusting

[-]

Visual_Hedgehog2962@reddit

Put some pure capsaicin extract in it. Never use it again I promise

[-]

sincsinckp@reddit

Start acting suspicious and evasive when you're together. Become excessively protective and paranoid about your phone and drop subtle clues that would lead him to believe you're having an affair. Fabricate "evidence" if you must to heighten his fear and paranoia. Deviate from your regular routine, maybe invest a new hobby. Spontaneously go out at weird hours while only offering a vague explanation of what you're doing. Start oming home late.

After a couple of weeks start spraying a popular men's cologne scent on you whenever you come home. This should be the final straw, which will lead him to confront you about your affair....

Gaslight him relentlessly until ideally he says he'll do anything to make the relationship work and save what you have. After which you can sort out the cologne problem for good, and once he has embraced his new scent you can come clean about the ruse...

Alternatively, he may just dump your cheating ass - and you don't seem like you'd be overly upset about this tbh.

Either way, the offensive odour will be gone from your life forever!

[-]

kolitics@reddit

OMG, I tried everything, I tried screaming at him, I tried belittling him, I tried over and over again to get him to understand how the wall of stank so thick I could taste it was making me gag. Can someone ~~please~~ tell me how to ~~just ask my partner to choose a different aftershave~~ reciprocate nasal assaults because I want him to suffer?

[-]

Nother1BitestheCrust@reddit

Barf directly on his face. And then leave him because life is too short to spend it with someone that cares so little for your comfort.

[-]

Beelzeburb@reddit

I have a hunch that we never had an adult discussion and ask him to switch brands.

[-]

Guebgiw@reddit

But him a new one

[-]

mmmjkerouac@reddit

A man who doesn't want to smell good for the woman he's fucking has got to raise some kind of alarm bells.

Just dump a little bit of it down the drain everyday. When he's halfway out buy him a different one you do like the smell of.

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J_Case@reddit

What is the aftershave?

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Logical-Brief-420@reddit

How can you tell us this but then not tell us what bloody aftershave it is?!?

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miszkah@reddit

Put a skin irritant that will cause a rash when he uses it into it.

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ToQuoteSocrates@reddit

How about you two go aftershave shopping. Unethical part, don't pay and run out of the store.

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Iconospasm@reddit

"It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time"

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HoboScabs@reddit

Depending on the size of the bottle, lube it up and use it on him

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E_Zekiel@reddit

Find the biggest strap on you can find, show him and tell him you have heard great things about pegging.

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BlackberryKeyLime@reddit

Tell him it smells like your Dad, or stop washing your vagina and grow a bush for a week, or put a few drops of fart spray in the bottle and when he notices tell him he must have been stuffed up and couldn't smell well because it's always smelled like that.

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Changstachi0@reddit

Why can't you just like- buy him another one that doesn't smell like shit for him to use? Not saying you're buying it now and forever, but find one you are OK with and get him to use it.

I'm not your partner, but there is no product I use for shaving/deodorant/shower/etc that I like the smell of SO MUCH I am unwilling to use another one ever. Other than your partner being a bit of a dick for not stopping using it, this seems like a nothing burger to me.

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Piddy3825@reddit

how about adding some tuna fish oil to his aftershave? the added stench to his face doesn't wash off so easily and he'd have to go to work smelling like that

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Akikyosbane@reddit

Mention your ex used to wear the same one

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Ola_Harrymaster@reddit

Give him one you like the smell of as a gift?

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Test-Tackles@reddit

Buy him some that you do like the smell of and tell him you will leave him if he wears the old stuff anymore.

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Excellent-Hand-1174@reddit

Don’t make out with him and don’t put out at all. Give him the ultimatum, it’s you or his beloved stinky ass after shave. Good luck

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ballskindrapes@reddit

"Honey, I need to have a conversation with you. I feel extremely disrespected by your actions. I communicated that I am revolted by you after shave, and yet you refuse to compromise even a little. The real issues is that you didn't respect my opinion, and thus me. Through your words and actions, you showed you have no respect for how I feel.

I need you to make me fell more respected through your words and actions. This has gone beyond the aftershave. You need to find another aftershave, and make your words and actions make me feel more respected"

If he gives you push back, or doesn't do it after a week, start making arrangements to move out when he isn't around, then get some friends and get your shit and disappear. And perhaps pour our the aftershave by his door lol.

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cabbagepatchkid@reddit

Drop it in the bin, apologise and get a newer "approved "one.

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mikemojc@reddit

Any time he puts it on, get up and leave. If you're at your place and he doesn't live there, throw him out.

Simply refuse to be around when he smells like that.

At this point , its intentional.

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Scared_of_the_KGB@reddit

Just take it away and throw it out in some gas station garbage can. How hard is that? Problem solved. Just throw it out! “Did you throw out my aftershave?” “Yes, I certainly did. And I’ll do it again too!”

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Smyley12345@reddit

Talk to his mom or grandma about what scents they wear and start using those. Nothing less sexy than the smell of your grandma.

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PoorCorrelation@reddit

Step 1: Aquire a toddler or young child. Ideally one in that age range where if they’re quiet you should panic.

Step 2: Tell them not to go into the bathroom. And especially not to use the aftershave. It’s special stuff that’s only for grown ups.

Step 3: Wait for them to empty the entire freaking bottle in a form of hysterical chemical warfare.

Step 4: Let your partner discover if they like it that much.

Source: this is how my baby sister broke my brother out of his Axe Body Spray phase.

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butimstillnotdone@reddit

If he isn't trying to smell good for you, he is doing it for someone else. Use a syringe and inject milk into his car seat

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AliensFuckedMyCat@reddit

Next time lean into the gagging and throw up on him.

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x063x@reddit

Empty a bit of his down the sink each day. Steal him a bottle of aftershave you like. Viola.

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Dolgar01@reddit

For those of you advocating Piss Disks, you ambition is poor.

Empty most of the aftershave out and then piss in the bottle. The next time he sprays, he will be covering himself in piss.

If you don’t want to go that far, again water the aftershave down, but add dye to it. That way when he sprays himself, he is dyeing himself.

And most importantly of all, deny all knowledge. Practice your gaslighting skills and refuse to admit that he has been dyed.

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