What made up reasons did your parents give you as to why you should or shouldn't do something?
Posted by GrrrlRi0t@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 51 comments
For example, my mum told me that if I swallowed chewing gum it would wrap around my heart and I'd die, lol.
My nan told me if I ate the crusts on my sandwiches I'd get curly hair
Nocturnal-Nightwish@reddit
If I ate the crusts on the sandwiches I’d get curly hair, if I sat too close to the TV I’d get square eyes and if I ate carrots I’d be able to see in the dark.
HannaaaLucie@reddit
A couple of the best ones were:
Whenever we were out anywhere, my Grandma used to tell me that if I didn't behave, then Mr Johnson was going to come tell me off. Never saw Mr. Johnson, not a clue what he was going to do.. but in my head, he was one scary mf with a big cowboy hat. Took me till I was 12 to click he wasn't real.
Another.. I caught my dad attending to a plant in a fridge in the garage. My mum and dad sat me down (age 5 or 6) and drummed it into my brain that if I tell anyone about 'daddy's special plant' then he will get into a lot of trouble. Around age 14, the penny dropped that he was growing weed.
GrrrlRi0t@reddit (OP)
Lol there was a similar (but way weirder) one my mum used to say to me which was said to all the generations before me that got a little bit muddled over the years, and that is "if you keep being a little shit the man with a thousand eyes and no bum will come and get you" my mum said this to us for the first time whilst we was at a bus stop outside a Chinese takeaway and pointed to it and said he lives there and every time we used to go past it me and my sister would go really quiet 😭 apparently my gran said it to my mum and my great granny said it to my gran but her version was "the man with a hundred eyes and no arse" 😂 I don't know how he grew eyes over the years but there we go
HannaaaLucie@reddit
That is brilliant.. such a random thing to tell a child. Please tell me if you have/will have children that you will pass that on?
GrrrlRi0t@reddit (OP)
Absolutely I will lol. Gonna have to start planning his back story though and carefully choosing a location that he will allegedly live in 😂
HannaaaLucie@reddit
You could stick with the Chinese takeaway.. your kids will probably be too scared to eat Chinese until they're 15.
JustMMlurkingMM@reddit
Your mum lied about the chewing gum.
The fact is that if you swallow gum it sticks your guts together and you explode.
GrrrlRi0t@reddit (OP)
Why was our parents all so anti swallowing chewing gum lol
MahatmaAndhi@reddit
Don't pick your nose or your head'll cave in.
Don't eat the pips (of an apple) or you'll get trees growing out of your ears.
The ice-cream man only played his song when he had ran out of ice-cream.
GrrrlRi0t@reddit (OP)
I was told if you ate the pips a tree would grow in your belly lol. I also refused to eat Easter chocolate animals like chocolate chick's or bunnies because I felt sorry for them so my mum told me all the pieces go back together in your stomach and for some reason that offered me comfort lol
Flibertygibbert@reddit
There was a whole list of (highly unlikely) reasons for doing or not doing things.
To this day I have straight, straight hair, I can't see in the dark, I do not have a grape vine or an Apple tree growing out of my nose, my heart has not stopped and my face has not "stuck."
I did, however, develop an extremely critical attitude towards adults who told me lies,which did not go down well!
" Why are you telling lies Grandad? Nobody will trust you! " 😂😂😂😂
Icy-Block8873@reddit
My older brother once told me that if I didn't push my hair behind my ears as opposed to having it grown over them 1970s rocker style, I wouldn't be allowed into the local nightclubs.....I was 7.
I_am_Relic@reddit
Oh flashbacks!
If i pulled a stupid face it was "if the wind changes direction you will stay that way" 😆
Competitive_Art_4480@reddit
I.tried to explain that once to someone who didn't have great English. Didn't get very far.
Used_Platform_3114@reddit
People have already commented on most of my childhood ones, but a good one from my friends mum was “your belly button is the knot keeping your skin together. If you play with it, it’ll undo and your skin will fall off” 😳 safe to say, my friend had a fear of touching her belly button well into adulthood 😂
Overthinker-dreamer@reddit
My reception teacher told the class if you play with your bellybutton the bellybutton would fly off.
I think too many of us 4/5 years old were interested in bellybutton that week.
smoulderstoat@reddit
That's just ridiculous.
Everyone knows that if you unscrew your belly button your bum falls off.
Ishart_Elin@reddit
The crust one is one I had to deal with. I remember being very young 5/6 and she said it to me, I replied “I don’t want curly hair, can you cut the crust off for me please” and she didn’t like it, she was furious that I’d “talk back to her”. my dad was crying with laughter. Short story is, don’t get pissed off when people call you out on your bullshit
MadWifeUK@reddit
Granny told us the crusts = curly hair thing. I have curly hair and never ate my crusts, my sister was desperate for curly hair so she ate her crusts and my crusts. Her hair is still straight. We laugh about it now.
Thestolenone@reddit
If you sit on cold stone, like a wall, you will get 'the pip'. Some old lady came up to me and said it when I was sitting on a wall. I was only about ten. 'You'll know about it when you get to my age' she said. My grandmother used to say it too so it must have been fairly universal, at least in the West Country.
SuboptimalOutcome@reddit
I've got a slightly horrifying one for you.
Six years old, 1970s, I wanted to go with my friend to the local park, my parents told me I couldn't go as my sister went on her own and was never seen again.
Violet_Daydreams@reddit
Yes I remember being told about curly hair and crusts! Unfortunately for my parents, by the time I was 5 I had a mini afro, and, being a white kid who's mother knew nothing about curls and would WRECK it with a hard brushing, I pointedly refused my crusts.
I wanted straight hair. Was so convinced it would just be a few more protested sandwiches till I got it!
Embarrassed_Ad7378@reddit
We couldn’t go to the zoo because the car park is next to the baboons and they wreck blue cars (my dad had a blue car) ☹️ I reminded my dad that he used to tell me this recently and he couldn’t remember but found it hilarious
afungalmirror@reddit
My friend's dad said that if you don't eat your greens you'll get ingrown hairs on your chest that will tickle you on the inside so much you won't be able to stop laughing.
shhh-dolly@reddit
Not sure if this counts but we were told if the ice cream van is playing a tune then it’s run out of ice cream.
RunawayPenguin89@reddit
I got told it was actually a DFS van trying to trick kids into buying a new sofa.
GrrrlRi0t@reddit (OP)
Omg that unlocked a memory in my head, I'm sure my parents said this to me to 😭
EndPsychological2541@reddit
My nan and grandad used to tell me that if I played with my belly button I'd deflate like a balloon and fly around the room.
Once I was in bed with my nan and grandad, grandad farted so I went straight for his belly button to let the rest of the air out.
I was maybe 5 at the time.
RedSunWuKong@reddit
Don’t point at the moon or you’ll get sauce pan face
Emergency-Aardvark-6@reddit
My eyes would go square if I sat too close to the TV.
butwhatsmyname@reddit
Yes!! I even remember there being a kids' book in the mid 80s about a boy who sat too close to the telly or watched it for too long whose "eyes went square". Everything looked square to him - I remember an illustration of square potatoes and square peas on a square plate.
Emergency-Aardvark-6@reddit
I'm an 80s kid so it's possible I had it and that's why my mum said it! Cracking memory and happy cake day!
BuncleCar@reddit
If I sat on a cold flat stone I’d get … well it was decades later I learned that the fear was I’d get piles. My posh but very working class gran would never have said piles.
-cunningstunt@reddit
My mum used to tell us that eating your crusts will make your hair curly. It kind of backfired on her because, unlike my siblings, I had wild curly hair so I refused to eat crusts for years as I thought it would make my hair even more unmanageable
MissingScore777@reddit
If we made our dilute juice too strong we would get worms
thatblondeyouhate@reddit
So...my mum.. is an interesting person, here's just a few:
ImaginaryParrot@reddit
If I drank Calpol I'd turn into a ghost
Plus_Dance_931@reddit
Sprouts. Hairs on my chest.
At age 7 that scared the shit out of me.
Why they thought that’s was a motivation thing I’ll never know!
Only_Me231222@reddit
I was told that if I sucked my thumb it would shrink 😂
El_Rompido@reddit
Mum said if I looked through the window of the microwave while it was on I’d get cancer and die. Even my six year old self was like “why the fuck would they put them in to tempt you?”
aje0200@reddit
That the world record for the longest silence was only a few hours and I should practice for a record attempt.
JourneyThiefer@reddit
That if I turned the inside light of the car when they’re driving I’d be arrested lmao
GrrrlRi0t@reddit (OP)
I was told if I ate carrots I could see in the dark lol
chaingaurd@reddit
Apparently in ww2 when we had radar and narzi Germany where confused how we saw there planes coming over. As legends say it was because are pilots ate carrots to know where they where, at night time. I do hope it's true and is something the British would say. We are all bat shit.
Distinct-Space@reddit
So it is a campaign the war office ran. Theres no evidence that it was believed by the Germans though.
You also need to remember that Britain was under strict rationing. People were growing their own fruit and veg. Malnourishment and vitamin deficiencies were common in the run up to the war and the government was concerned about the health of the citizens.
Encouraging people to grow their own specific vegetables was an easy win for the war office. There were lots of others (eating a 1lb of potatoes a day, free orange juice for the under 5s) but this is one that stuck in the imagination of later generations.
Distinct-Space@reddit
So this is kind of true but been garbled in the telling.
Night blindness is one of the first symptoms of Vitamin A deficiency and eating carrots provides you with c73% of your daily vitamin a requirements.
There were historic public health campaigns that pushed eating carrots to prevent vitamin a deficiency. This got morphed into carrots help you see in the dark (kind of true but it’s the vitamin a that means your body works properly).
Dry_Sandwich_860@reddit
Because Wee Willie Winkie would come after me (and then one of them would go out and tap on the windows).
Because the wind would change and I would stay like that.
Because children had to eat human flesh during the siege of Stalingrad.
Because I'd get rickets otherwise.
Ishart_Elin@reddit
I wouldn’t be surprised that people were cannibalising during the siege of stalingrad. Modern morals and ethics go out the window during a siege. You do What you gotta do, who cares about eating John from next door when you haven’t eaten in weeks
Dry_Sandwich_860@reddit
Yes, according to my father, that's exactly what happened. John wouldn't have cared, but I found it very disturbing to that Captain Scott ate his horses when he was stuck in Antarctica.
My father had a long list of people who had to eat disgusting things. As a result, nothing can put me off my food.
Ok-Window-8130@reddit
My dad always said if I kept making that face, it would freeze like that, so I guess my poker face is just a survival tactic now.
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