Have I missed out on life?
Posted by Imaginary-Fan-1253@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 262 comments
As I get older I reflect on life. I never had a group of male friends, never been on a lads holiday, never been married or had kids. Nearly forty
TienDucPost@reddit
You'd never realised you're late till you're already have been. The important thing is start doing what you love right now. It's harder to say than do but I wish you have a meaningful time on the rest of ur life
PKblaze@reddit
You've only missed out if you don't do anything about it.
Get off Reddit and get out doing shit.
Equivalent_Ask_1416@reddit
Lot easier said than done.
PKblaze@reddit
Just cause some things are hard, doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't do them.
Equivalent_Ask_1416@reddit
True, but what if you don't know where to go, don't know what to do and your living environment nor family help you find what you want to achieve in life?
_user1928_@reddit
Sit down and think? Go explore? Try things until you find what makes you, you
Equivalent_Ask_1416@reddit
I've tried some things and it's hard for me to do things without a structure. I am a member and facilitator at Andy Man's Club and I've just joined The Round Table based off a Reddit post, but not sure where else to go to find structure besides a job.
_user1928_@reddit
What is your goal? Write down 10 things you want to do/learn/achieve in life and then pick one. Make a full plan on how to get there.
weesiwel@reddit
My goal is to be in a relationship but that’s impossible due to my genetics.
KKillroyV2@reddit
I promise you, the ugliest men in existence have managed to find a woman who doesn't recoil in terror and wants to stick around for. You won't be worse than the ugliest person she's ever seen.
The problem with all this "Woe is me, I'm not a chad" incel nonsense is that confidence (Not bluster, actually finding your worth and owning it) is a fantastic attraction factor in itself, that, clean up your act, work out a little and you're flying.
Relationship aside though, don't be desperate to be in a relationship now, make yourself the person you want to be and a person that others, including a partner, will want to be around. That doesn't have to be "Get ripped" or "Get rich"
Find what makes you the best version of yourself.
weesiwel@reddit
Except I literally am the ugliest person she will ever see. Confidence doesn't come from nothing you need evidence that you are an ok person with a chance to build confidence. It comes from events in the last that builds it. When you are as ugly as I am those confidence building things never occur in life nor do they matter when nobody will come near you.
Flying off a cliff hopefully.
Don't be s desperate to be in a relationship now just wait until I am on my deathbed got it. Miss out on life and live in misery got it. That's like telling a starving man just to go without food.
Ok how can I change my genetics cause that's the only way to be the person anyone wants to be around?
KKillroyV2@reddit
Sure thing man, wallow in your self loathing, that will be your least attractive trait by far, no matter what you look like.
"Miss out on life and live in misery" You definitely haven't been in a relationship if you think suddenly being in a relationship will fix this poisonous self loathing. Get hobbies that don't involve reading incel nonsense on the internet.
PKblaze@reddit
You have to figure it out rather than expecting answers to fall into your lap or waiting for someone else to tell you what to do.
Nothing happens if you do nothing. Pursue whatever you're interested in or try out new things and put yourself out there. If you don't live nearby the things you want to do, travel isn't too complicated in our country for the most part with buses being £2 a fare and trains covering further distances.
Equivalent_Ask_1416@reddit
Very true, just need perseverance and to keep on trying and trying.
weesiwel@reddit
Ah yes cause conjuring up a wife, kids and friends at 40 is so easy…
Cheap_Interview_3795@reddit
I’ve been through periods of thinking like this but had a great conversation with a family member. He’s travelled the world and still has multiple trips each year. Not had a long term relationship. I would love to have this life.
I’m married, kids and a nice home and job. He’d love to have my life
Swings and roundabouts
Imaginary-Fan-1253@reddit (OP)
Has he got kids?
Cheap_Interview_3795@reddit
No kids.
xenochria@reddit
Are you sure he'd love to have your life then?
Ok-Bench9164@reddit
I was going to say the same thing. I always wanted to travel and live the hippie van life, living day to day earning enough to keep going with my trade skills.
I also always wanted a BIG idyllic family life with a perfect wife, dog, and enough chaos to occupy my ADHD.
I ended up with the latter. and although I sometime ponder what life would be like just me and my wife and not having 6 kids to run around after. I'm aware that there's always time for the latter
never too late my friend.
my little sisters 12. I'm 34. my mum had her at 44
Chase your dreams 🙂
Inevitable-Plan-7604@reddit
good lord that was a danger child!
Losflakesmeponenloco@reddit
Always important not to lie to yourself about what you want.
oh_f-f-s@reddit
I remember my first and last lads holiday. We went to Salou in Spain.
Most of our lads group were single and wanted to flirt/dance, which was fair enough.
I was spoken for and not the sort to cheat, so so I could do was prop the bar up and get tanked.
It was fucking miserable and I was glad to get back to the UK.
All I'm saying is this: do you want to do those things because YOU want to do them or because loads of other people do them?
If there's shit on your bucket list, start chalking it off, brother. But do it because YOU want to do it
x_becktah@reddit
It’s not too late to get married or have kids if you want them.
TentativeGosling@reddit
Best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. Second best time is today. If that's what you want to do, start doing it now. Otherwise you'll start regretting it even more at 60
Ok_Dragonfruit_8102@reddit
I disagree, regrets are actually an illusion caused by low mood. No matter what you do and achieve in life, you can always be at risk of experiencing regrets, because naturally one of the unfortunate truths about existence is it's impossible to experience everything life has to offer in a single lifetime. There will always be things you never got to do.
This knowledge is the key to overcoming regret. But to clarify, overcoming regret doesn't mean never feeling it, but rather recognising it as a temporary illusion when it shows up.
thewallishisfloor@reddit
Right, so never make the effort to do anything or to improve yourself, as everything will pass eventually?
Same_Seaworthiness74@reddit
Sounds like the Great British way 🧐🏴
NYX_T_RYX@reddit
Yeah, and you'll spend your life miserable.
I'm going to die one day. Everything I've ever done, everything I own, everything I know. I will end, for me at least.
Fucking sucks doesn't it? I didn't even ask to be here, and then you find out you don't get a choice about leaving either? Not what I signed up for!
But hey, no point getting upset about it - We've got about 80 something years till then, if we're lucky - might as well settle in and enjoy the wait 🤷♂️
lapsedPacifist5@reddit
Well you didn't make the effort to understand their point, so... Yes?
TinyZoro@reddit
You may well find that you regret putting in so much effort and trying to improve yourself.
Regret is an illusion and trying to avoid regret by doing things could easily set you up for regret like how trying to avoid the mistakes of your parents tend to lead to parenting mistakes.
That doesn’t mean don’t live life to the fullest. If you want to find someone to marry have children do it don’t procrastinate. If there are things in the way identify what they are. But do it for now for what’s in your heart right now. Not from a place of I’m doing all this stuff for the future me who is going to be happy because of my suffering.
I don’t always live be this but I believe it’s true.
Toon_1892@reddit
Sure, but putting in the effort to make friends and go on holiday with them isn't something you frequently hear people regretting doing.
BoringDragonfly9009@reddit
I think the point is that OP probably HAS lived a lot, has done things he was proud of and enjoyed at the time, and isn't in as much desperate need for improvement as he might have thought in the moment he wrote this post, but regret can crop up and attack you unfairly anyway.
BigGrinJesus@reddit
OP is talking about having friends and finding a life partner. There's truth to what you're saying, but you're over-generalising in this instance.
NYX_T_RYX@reddit
You're right though - are there things I regret not doing? Yes, absolutely. There's a lot of things I'll never be able to do again.
If I could go back and do it again knowing how it all turned out, would I? Fuck no - I'm happy, who knows where I'd be if I did anything different 🤷♂️
I sum up my world view with a matrix quote: "what happened, happened, and couldn't have happened any other way ... We're still alive"
If you regret something, you're still alive - it could be worse (to be blunt).
TheHawkinator@reddit
This is the important part, for a few years I really regretted not going to uni (for a couple reasons) now I'm at the point where I'm not so bothered. Whether I am now isn't always great, but I've met so many great people, including some of my best friends at my job which probably would be at least a bit different if I had gone.
cherrypez123@reddit
This is amazing.
_Spiggles_@reddit
I disagree, I something think about what I might change from the past, however any chance would alert where I am today, I likely wouldn't have met my wife and got married to her and had children with her, I wouldnt give that up for anything in this world.
Street_sweep9@reddit
I echo this !!
weesiwel@reddit
Ah yes because you can simply conjure up a wife and kids and friends. Totally feasible…
Most_Confusion_1413@reddit
Mate were talking about horticulture now keep up
Radiant_Incident4718@reddit
Arboriculture. Carry on.
BigPhatVideos@reddit
Surely the second best time to plant it would have been 19 years and 364 days ago?
Toon_1892@reddit
What was the soil condition and weather like on that day?
alwaysupland@reddit
or 20 years and 1 day ago?
betterman74@reddit
My guitar teacher said this exact thing (except with starting guitar) last week.
Parking_Library1220@reddit
Why that exception?
fike88@reddit
That’s a great saying
James-Worthington@reddit
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Accurate_Prompt_8800@reddit
Whilst it’s disappointing to think like you’ve missed out on things, everyone’s life journey is different. Focus on yourself and try do things you enjoy, hopefully you find contentment and happiness im that and you never know what connections you might make. Be grateful for good health as well, not everyone gets to 40 :)
weesiwel@reddit
I hope I don’t get to 40.
riverY90@reddit
Are you ok?
weesiwel@reddit
No and unlikely to ever be.
riverY90@reddit
There's a lot of help out there, people can come back from dark places and thoughts.
I'd really recommend reaching out for help, you can self refer for counselling with needing to see your GP. There are mental health charities. If it's anything specific there's support groups for anything and everything these days (grief support for example).
I really hope you do reach out to someone who's in a position to help you. As someone who's been through a shit time before and come out the other end, the feeling of surviving it and the new lease on life is like nothing else and I'd really want you to experience that. Good luck mate
weesiwel@reddit
There's no help when you have genetics like mine. The root cause is how I look and so no amount of help will change that.
There is no support for people who are simply so ugly nobody wants to be near them.
I've been through therapy and medication and the only thing it has shown is there is no way forward.
riverY90@reddit
You're projecting this idea that no one wants to hang out with you because of your physical looks but I'm reality it is probably because of your view, attitude and current state of mind. When you're this depressed people do find it hard to hang out with someone, unfortunately.
If you think you're that ugly (you're not from that photo 7 years ago), then you also need to consider things like body dysmorphia. Please start by speaking to your GP, because you aren't ugly to anyone else but you.
weesiwel@reddit
No it's because of my looks. People not wanting to be near me caused my viewpoint not the other way around. This isn't a chicken and egg scenario.
When I wasn't depressed people still didn't wanna be near me cause I was ugly that caused the depression.
GP is useless can't change my genetics. Went through therapy was also useless didn't change my genetics. Just lied to me telling me things could change which has been proven false after following every peice of advice they gave and look still things are exactly the same no matter all the things I done. Antidepressants don't help either.
iocheaira@reddit
Your genes are fine. 7 years ago you were above average looking. Many people with much “worse” genes have friends and a family. I don’t think how you look is the problem, but how you feel about how you look is definitely a problem.
weesiwel@reddit
7 years ago I was ugly as sin and that has continued until now and will never change.
Muttlly@reddit
I used to say that when I was younger. But now, much older, I'm pleased I did get past 40, and experienced all the things that have happened since. It's not all good, sometimes it's a real struggle, but there are good moments too.
weesiwel@reddit
Yeah except there won't be any good so why would I want to experience that?
Muttlly@reddit
That's the point. You can't know what's going to happen, good or bad, until it happens. If we aren't here, we'll never know. I have anxiety disorders and depression and I'm quite a pessimistic person. However, even in my darkest times, good things have happened, and im glad I've been here to experience them. I hope you will too.
weesiwel@reddit
I mean that's just not true though. We know that no matter when we clap our arms we will never fly doing so. We know plenty of things that don't happen in the future and good things will never occur in my life. In 30 years not one good thing has all it has been is misery and suffering.
There is no hope.
Muttlly@reddit
I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope your luck changes and your life improves.
weesiwel@reddit
It won't my genetics have seen to that.
Hopeful_Scratch_5237@reddit
But, are you happy?
killer_by_design@reddit
If you pay for it I'll take you on a lads holiday.
Option A) Talinn, Estonia. We go to an ex soviet shooting range and fire a range of fire arms during the day. In the evening Bar crawl, second or third to last bar will be a Karaoke bar and we can either duet Mr Brightside or you can watch me nail Tenacious D - Tribute. End of the night will be in an eastern European techno club.
Option B) Riga - Latvia, Go-karting in a dodgy warehouse with little to no health and safety. Hosted bar crawl that will wind up in a strip club against our wishes. We'll get kicked out because we try and get on stage and pole dance. It will smell damp the entire time. Head back to the sports bar because that's way better anyway. 4am chicken wings to close out the night.
Option C) Head to Bergen - Norway and go back packing in the Fjords. Wind up in a log cabin and play boardgames drink whisky and smoke cigars under the northern lights.
Option D) London, we start at the Bike Shed motorcycle club. Either All star lanes and bowl and drink old fashioneds, or go to Clays and shoot some robo clay pigeons, end the night in NQ64 and play some vintage arcade games and consoles.
Option E) Edinburgh, whisky tasting tour, haggis devouring, Pints of Bucky to wash down battered mars bars. Dinner at Mum's with black pudding mash and sausages, hostel on the mile, climb Arthur's seat, cigar at the top, someone coughs because they inhaled.
Option F) give me a theme and I'll build a lads holiday out of it.
Lads holidays are the tits. Couldn't recommend them enough.
AdEquivalent2784@reddit
I did A alone in Sofia. Banger of a holiday lol. Would do again with the lads. I go on holiday all the time alone, with friends, or even my mom. Best thing ever.
ComradeBirdbrain@reddit
Tell me more about B, does the dodgy go-karting actually exist? I’ve never even considered go-karting in Rīga - and I’m there every 3-months for 2-weeks so if it’s real, I’d like to give it a shot! Only so much fun to be had in Centrs 😅
killer_by_design@reddit
I'll see if I can dig out where we did it. It was in an old warehouse with a net on the roof to catch the falling pieces of roof/ceiling.
They did give us helmets etc, but about half way through one of the guys rammed another in our group and spun him off the course into the fence. We all were like looking at the dudes running it thinking like "shit are they gonna stop us?" And they honestly could not give a flying fuck. So then we took that as a green light to bumper cars the shit out of each other. I think I have whip lash still from getting double teamed by two at once.
It was awesome. 10/10 would recommend. We were hung over though so was pretty ropey at times, a few of the group ended up chundering part way through. Good times.
I'll see if I can find the name of the place it's been a few years now.
ComradeBirdbrain@reddit
Oh wow. I have a suspicion this place may no longer exist as there has been a push, well a minor push, to bring things up to code. Very interested to see if it does though!
killer_by_design@reddit
I think it's been knocked down now. The pin I have where we took photos on the day are now saying Dusmu Istaba is there instead. This is what it used to look like though.
ComradeBirdbrain@reddit
Yeah it’s been knocked down. I drive that road regularly and there is construction right now! Shame could’ve been fun with a hint of danger. Thanks for checking it out. If you’ve any other recs, do give me a shout :)
Kazizui@reddit
Ha, I went to Tallinn on a stag. We went to an ex soviet shooting range and fired a range of firearms during the day with an improbably attractive woman who pronounced our surnames as if we were contract hitmen and told us all the best bars to hit up that didn't have any Russians in them because she absolutely hated them all and we got the impression that if she could get away with it she'd take her range of firearms and go on a spree. Good times.
811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit
Are you a stag-do organiser or something?
killer_by_design@reddit
Nah just love a lads holiday.
Yeah, it really is dependent on who you're with. A strong enough group and these can be the absolute best. But yeah, if not there's no social buffer. There's always the freedom though to change things up. That's part of the reason I don't ever book through agencies because you're stuck with what you've booked. If you stay at hostels as well, they always have stuff that isn't advertised. When we went to Talinn, they took us on a probably in hindsight illegal tour of the ex soviet prison that was condemned. Saw the cells and even execution rooms. Absolutely terrifying but it was a crazy experience. Was just a bloke from the hostel who took us out.
TheGreatBatsby@reddit
Right, this sounds a banger. Presuming this wasn't the made-up one, what was your itinerary? Did you book with a company?
killer_by_design@reddit
Okay so annoyingly that's the only one I haven't done. I very rarely go through companies because it's sometimes cheaper and I like the thrill when it goes wrong.
So, May the weather is about 14deg so probably a decent time to target as it'll be fresh but not intolerable and you won't need to buy any specialist kit and won't die in a mountain from exposure.
Lake side cabins 6 people, £170/night total. PLUS you can rent a 19ft boat with fuel for £60 for the day. 45 minutes journey from the city centre. Flights from Gatwick are ~£115/person in May. Hiking around the lake is totally free.
So the jumping off point would be per person £60 accommodation, £115 flights, £10 boat hire, plus spending money and other activities. So base line cost for 6 lads, £250/per person for a weekend I reckon. Bring spirits with you in one large shared hold luggage, as they're bloody expensive in the Nordics. Fishing, hiking, grill meat on the BBQ and anything you might catch on the boat (other than Chlamydia). Could even change it up and do a night out in Bergen on the first day even when you land. Stay in a hostel the first night and then on the second day head over to the cabin and go out on the boat and try and nurse your hangover on a rocking boat. If you start drinking in the airport by the time you land you'll be ready to head straight out.
Very much depends what kind of lads holiday you want to do.
Fearless-Director210@reddit
Fellow lad willing to join any of the above and even pay for myself checking in!
811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit
Are you a stag-do organiser or something?
rwe46@reddit
I have 0 interest in doing “lad” things but my friend, you sound like one fun motherfucker!
Tranquillian@reddit
I’d say I’m the same boat as you. 40. No friends, never had any real friends since I was a 10yr old kid. Not married, no kids, rent in a shared house. Only went abroad for the first ever time at 39 last year.
Upstairs-Ad-748@reddit
I'm nearly 30 and feel the same, I've never had any friends, never been on a holiday with friends let alone a typical lads holiday and my love life has been 0 since the dawn of time. I always feel like I've missed out on the daft lads trips to Thailand or Ibiza and all the nights out to pubs and nightclubs. I used to always think isn't it crazy that if you went to a different high school you might have found your best friend/friends and still be together today.
papayametallica@reddit
Honestly. That idea of bff is bollox. Stop whatever it is that you’re doing and write a list of things to do. The madder the better…..then do it.
weesiwel@reddit
Ok but what if the things I want to do require other people to do them then I literally can’t do them.
papayametallica@reddit
Join a related club ?
weesiwel@reddit
And be shunned by the people in said club just like every other time I've tried that.
ComradeBirdbrain@reddit
Go see a therapist. You’ve bigger issues.
weesiwel@reddit
Doesn't change a thing because therapy doesn't change genetics the only thing that matter.
ComradeBirdbrain@reddit
Yeah, get therapy if that is how you think.
weesiwel@reddit
To what end? Again it literally doesn't change a thing. Been through it it's irrelevant because only things that change genetics matter which is nothing.
ComradeBirdbrain@reddit
What is it about your genetics that stops you from making friends?
weesiwel@reddit
Being repulsively ugly to the point nobody would want to be near me as I would repulse others from them.
V0lkhari@reddit
As I've gotten older I've often thought about how much of a significant impact of where you're brought up / where you go to school has on your life. Even just being in the next village over could likely mean never interacting with the people that you could be life long friends with. I'm still close mates with a few of the guys I met in early days of high school, which folk are often surprised at. Again, it all just depends on where you end up.
I've never been on any daft lads holidays either and do feel like I missed out with that somewhat, but I did other trips (solo and with small groups of friends) doing things I much more enjoy doing.
I hope you still enjoy your life despite feeling like you're missing out on certain things.
Upstairs-Ad-748@reddit
It's so true, I also used to say it can even be down to factors such as where your teacher made you sit which means you don't sit next to someone who could've ended up being your best friend. It's very similar with work as well regarding who you sit next to or where you're put to sit, because then naturally you tend not to interact with anyone else.
At the moment life isn't great but trying to push myself through a massive health kick, it seems like most people nowadays are making friends through the gym, running clubs & cycle groups so that's what I need to aim for.
V0lkhari@reddit
When I moved to my current city the only person I knew was my partner who I moved in with. I joined a running club and made friends pretty quickly so I'd really recommend it! There has been a big rise in social running clubs, where the social element is more important than the actual running.
We have a lot of super fit runners in the club but our weekly 5k is all easy paced and all about the chats afterwards. Honestly if you're looking to make friends you should definitely go along. Joining my club was one of the best things I've done since moving here.
It takes time to get familiar with it but its worth sticking it out. I was going weekly for a couple of months before I felt like I knew a decent amount of people that I could chat to comfortably, but I'm really glad I was consistent. Been in the club 2.5 years now and made a lot of good friends.
LAHs7@reddit
Many serious professionals spend the first third of their lives studying, in a laboratory or library probably doing/not doing all the things you mention. They do not view that first third as having "missed out on life". If you have survived healthy physically and mentally to the age of 40 you too have not wasted your life, you have learned valuable information and experience. Start now, starting with some introspection of what is it you really want in life and then go for it with everything you have. The secret is that you do what you love then you will rarely do a days unpleasant work in your life. So, without delay, what is it you love?
Aztepol42@reddit
I mean if you have become rich and successful or have rhings to show for years of hard work? Then no
If you have spent it working a job where you can't afford to buy a house and are renting forever or never had nice things to show for it then yes you have
Optimal_Builder_5724@reddit
Hopefully being 40 and not done having done any of that shit you mentioned you may be financially sound enough to have as much fun as you want and start making changes to get the things you need.
OldSky7061@reddit
Well probably yes but thinking about it is utterly pointless.
Start to change your life if you feel you aren’t happy. If you are happy concentrate on that.
QuasimodoUK@reddit
Live the life you want now. I was only able to start living after 40 and rather enjoying it. I still regret missing out from my 20s-30s but I am doing what I can now.
narsil_reddit@reddit
I don’t know if anyone will see this but like literally join clubs and groups in the real world. Even in your later years you can still do so many things from local hiking trips to round the world tours. It’s sad seeing so much negativity, through these moments you will meet people and maybe make a friend
Available_Rich167@reddit
Friends are overrated, kids are tiring 😄
ComradeBirdbrain@reddit
I have the lads group with holidays. Honestly, as much as I like the lads, the holidays are so drab. Drinking, pulling etc. which no longer appeals as a thirties chap with a kid and missus. I’ve actually started to slowly distance myself. So yeah, not always as cracked up to be haha!
Fidazzle1989@reddit
Yep, all the time. Seems like just last week I was 18, and I'm over 50 now. There are so many missed milestones it's too exhausting to list. Holidays, birthdays, weddings, graduations, reunions... so many life events I've never been asked to be a part of, or rarely invited to. I see other people with SOs and friends all the time, people of all ages and I think 'what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not a part of ANYTHING?'. Most people will be parents, I'll never experience that. Most have been in relationships, gotten married, owned homes, had sucessful careers... just basic human stuff, and I can't connect with any of them through that. I don't even feel human, it's like I was placed here to observe others and not actually participate.
Kazizui@reddit
I don't know you, so tell me to get in the sea if this is an unfair question, but how much effort do you put in to this stuff? Or do you just expect other people to invite you? I don't mean this as an attack, I was similar in my late 20s as for various reasons (mostly burnout at work, I think) I kinda withdrew from a lot of things socially, and then stopped getting invited to things, and then started to wonder if anyone liked me. Then I started to pull out of my funk, met a girl (now my wife) who is very sociable, and suddenly there's always something going on again. If I/we make an effort to reach out to people regularly, invite people to things etc, they tend to reciprocate and reach out to us and invite us to things. It can't be one-way.
barryscottrudepie@reddit
Helpful comment! I’m currently late 20s, generally feeling burned out and super stressed at work and also struggling monetarily as well and I’ve noticed that I’ve started pulling away from friends. Not calling, not talking on group chats etc. as the misery builds. To make matters worse stress sometimes inadvertently comes out in my relationship with the missus. Made me text a couple friends just now, thanks 👍
JLB_cleanshirt@reddit
I'm over 50 and never had kids. Married for two years and then divorced. Several other relationships that didn't work out. Single now for about 6 months, my house is constantly untidy and I don't go to bed till about 2am. I have no friends, no parents and one brother who lives over 200 miles away. I work from home and occasionally go into the office or on site visits so those are the only people I talk to. I ask Alexa things daily just to hear her say my name. I don't really know where my life is going or if its worth it. I worry a bit about dying in the house alone and nobody realising for months.
IssueRecent9134@reddit
I haven’t got all that either at 36, am I upset?, not really, do I wish I had it?, I’ve never thought about it.
I have nephews and nieces and If I go on holiday I really like to go alone. I have hobby’s that I enjoy, I am independent and rely on myself, don’t need permission or validation from anyone else.
wardyms@reddit
Never sniffed glue, never boffed a tranny.
arfur-sixpence@reddit
Sigh. Remember the old days when "a tranny" was a transistor Radio :-)
69suns@reddit
Or a van.
JLB_cleanshirt@reddit
Men with Ven
arfur-sixpence@reddit
True. Going for a ride in a tranny has a lot more possibilities these days.
69suns@reddit
Pile into the back of the tranny.
JLB_cleanshirt@reddit
basically i've been bored since 9/11
TheGreatBatsby@reddit
Tell me, yeah, as a mate.
Is the bottom half of me on fire?
NuttyMcNutbag@reddit
“I’ve hardly lived!”
Mark-Viverito@reddit
Life's not finished yet, and there is still time to 'achieve' some of those things.
SupervillainIndiana@reddit
I didn’t really do big girls holidays (I went a few places with my best pal though) and didn’t have a hen do. Sometimes I get a bit down about that but then I remember I was about ready to kill one woman on my sister’s hen do and any friends I have who went on a holiday with more than about four people they came back either with fewer friends and/or bitching about how terrible it was. This goes for both men and women. The drama might be a different flavour but there was drama.
What I’m saying is, for all the good aspects of those things there’s also the bad that comes with it! I’ve still seen some pretty amazing stuff without having had a hen do abroad etc.
kayzgguod@reddit
can still do/ have those things
Keto_Tom@reddit
Comparison is the theft of joy
ramxquake@reddit
This is such an empty platitude. "Just ignore all the other people having way better lives than you".
Keto_Tom@reddit
Disagree - what you often see in those with “way better lives” is the highlight reel
ramxquake@reddit
At least they have highlights.
Random_Reddit_bloke@reddit
Worrying about the past: depression. Worrying about the future: anxiety Stop worrying and start enjoying your life now.
Gedadahear@reddit
I take it you are not a socialite otherwise you wouldve done those things already. If you feel a need to do any of those things, dont think twice and do it. Strangers on the internet have no weight in your decisions.
I once worked with this old boy, 78yrs old and he had never left the country… not even to Wales, and he was happy. Same with his wife. And they never tried any foreign food, (steak and chips, fish and chips, that was their diet)
When he retired he got bored so went back to work. He was content. He didnt regret not travelling… just not in his blood i guess.
Kazizui@reddit
Similar: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/apr/16/experience-ive-had-the-same-supper-for-10-years
nearlyFried@reddit
I'm 35 and haven't done most of those things, but I have my excuses. Good ones, to my mind.
ramxquake@reddit
I know I've missed out on life. Forty years old, no point starting now, I wouldn't even know where to begin. And I don't have the energy.
Peg_leg_J@reddit
Dude, I was raised in a Christian Cult and only escaped at age 35. I didn't even go to school.
Start living now - it's not too late.
SingerFirm1090@reddit
It's wrong to compare yourself to others and regret not doing what they did.
I never regret not marrying, I don't think it would have suited me or any unfortunate lady I convince to tie the knot. Neither do I miss not having children, again not for me.
I am happier now than I ever was, retirement suits me, I can do what I want when I want to.
topher2604@reddit
If you're nearly 40, you've still got approximately two thirds of your adult life left. Go and start doing the things you want to do now. I'm 42 and, while I've done the married and kids thing, I never really enjoyed my own time, but I have been doing more for myself this year and I feel so much better about life.
claphamthegrand@reddit
40 x 3 = 120
topher2604@reddit
I did say adult life. So 40-18 = 22. 22 x 3 = 66. 18 + 66 = 84.
_Spiggles_@reddit
Male friends are good, lads holidays are ok but not amazing, married and children are amazing but it's all personal, did you want a wife and children?
Disastrous_Equal8309@reddit
Are they things you actually wish you’d done? Or just things other people have done and now you’re curious? You’ve only missed out if it’s the first one; and if it is, you’re not even 40 yet — you have plenty of time to change things. The only one of those I ever wanted was a close group of male friends, and that didn’t happen to me until I was after 40 either.
DrH1983@reddit
41, also never had a lads holiday, a group of lad mates, and never had a wife or kids.
Personally most of those things don't appeal to me so I certainly don't think I've missed out. I'm far from happy with my life but I can't say it's due to "missing out" on those things.
The only one of those that hold any real appeal is a wife/partner.
Thestickleman@reddit
Lads holidays suck, marriage is pointless and for me having kids would be one of the worst things to happen in my life.
So I'd say no. No guy has a particularly group of friends most people I know myself included have like mabey 3 or 4 real good friends then the rest are people we know
EvoEpitaph@reddit
You could easily get married any time in your life.
Window for kids is still open.
Holiday with the lads might be a little harder to put together at this point but not impossible.
Radiant_Incident4718@reddit
Comparison is the thief of joy
TEFAlpha9@reddit
Couldn't think of a worse holiday, than a 'lads holiday'. Most marriage ends in divorce. You good.
Plus_Dance_931@reddit
There are plenty of people who have fucked their life up by 40 and full of regret and remorse / I really wish I could change some of the stuff I’ve done
Try not to compare yourself to other people and start living in the moment. You can’t change what’s passed and try not to worry about the future but make the most out of the here and now. Make today count (I should start listening to my own advice actually)
mansAwasteman@reddit
Looking at your profile it seems that you’ve posted several times over the past few weeks looking for connection and reassurance. I’m sorry that you’re feeling lonely - the world can be a very lonely and isolating place, especially if we feel we’re not well equipped to make or keep friends. Know that you’re not alone and I’m sure anyone one of the people in your comments section would be happy to chat. But if Reddit doesn’t seem like the right choice, there are some lovely people at Samaritans who’ll gladly talk with you all day.
pendicko@reddit
Sounds like it. What were you doing?
fraggle200@reddit
Regret the things you've done, not the things you haven't.
I've done all of those things and they're not all as easy and great as they seem from the outside looking in.
Lads holidays are great for the first 16hrs as there's so much hope and optimism about how great it'll be, then after the first couple of days of being too drunk to care or too hungover to drink you just want back to normality, and the rest of your time there is just rinse/repeat till you've served your time.
i_like_flies_@reddit
My parents are 80 and still go on group holidays around the world with friends. As long as you stay healthy, you have the time.
Marblespaws@reddit
Do you want to get married and have kids? If not don’t worry about it.
Just because the majority of people do things in life dosent mean you have to as well.
If something dosent interest you, it’s ok to avoid it. It’s your life, no one else’s. Do you and what makes you happy.
LordIVoldemor@reddit
When I go on holiday with my mates, we usually go camping, drink beer, smoke a few joints and enjoy our company in nature, it's quite fun! If you invest time into some hobbies that take place in a social environment you'll find that there are potential friends in lots of places :)
ta3gy@reddit
if you’re happy then it really doesn’t matter but if you want to do something you can still do it now!! don’t regret it later just because you’re older doesn’t mean you have to sit around wishing you did something when u was younger do it now!
MrBendixx@reddit
Don’t take this the wrong way, I just want to check something….are you an avid gamer?
case2010@reddit
Yes you have.
pikantnasuka@reddit
It's all down to your own perception as to whether you have missed out. Are these things you want and are sad not to have? Or are they just things you don't do and don't notice a lack of?
Nearly 40 is not old. My brother and sister in law were late 30s when they married and started their family. Many of my friends came to parenthood post 40. You're a man, you can very likely father kids for decades to come if you want to.
But are the things you mentioned actually missing from your life? That's what counts here, how you feel and what you want and not what any of us think.
sgbea_13@reddit
Wait until you get your chest waxed!
Firstpoet@reddit
Can't escape your 'nature' but you can accept it. You missed hedonism but might have been miserable doing it. Friends? Could have been energy drains. Children? Could you do endless worrying about them?
Meanwhile, a ridiculous universe doesn't, as it were, give a damn.
Bluebidoo@reddit
As a 60 year old man who's had a lot of male friends and been on a few lads weekends and holidays, I have to say that, for me, it was all very shallow. I never had a male friend who I could confident in, go anywhere but boozing with. I feel like I missed out on all that. So maybe I'm saying be careful what you wish for, maybe I'm saying we all have regrets no matter how our lives turn out. No help at all, that, was it?
banisheduser@reddit
I understand.
I've never been on a lads holiday.
I've never been a Best Man.
I don't have a group of male friends I see "down the pub" or wherever.
But I do have a house, three kids, a stable well paid job.
I always try to think of the things I do have, rather than what I missed out on.
MidnightDMusings@reddit
These things do not make a life. If you have been happy, then you have not missed out. If you have not been happy, then sure, maybe you have missed out, but that doesn’t mean those specific things are the things that you needed to be happy.
Furthermore, you are approximately halfway through your life, as medicine advances, you may be less than halfway through.
Plenty of people get married later. Some even have children later. You can make friends at any age.
I have a friend who finally got the life he’d always wanted when he was almost 50. He got married and had two children, which he had been trying to do for about three decades but a very messy situation took him off that path several times.
I also have a friend who thought having lots of friends, getting married, and having a children would make her happy. She now wishes she never had children or gotten married, and none of her friendships lasted, but she did find one person she can consider a close friend and that makes her happy enough.
You have only missed out if the things you believe you are missing out on would have brought you more joy than you have experienced.
rezonansmagnetyczny@reddit
You up for going on a lads holiday with a stranger off reddit?
Me too
riverY90@reddit
I'm not a guy but can I come and just act like a lad?
GeordieAl@reddit
I'm in, can we hit some raves too?
GradeAltruistic5266@reddit
It’s easy to feel like you've missed out when life doesn’t follow the script everyone else seems to follow, but the truth is, there’s no one right way to live, and your experiences, good or bad, are still part of a life that’s entirely yours.
Brave_Pain1994@reddit
Nearly 40, not married or have kids, but I get to do what I want, when I want more or less and go on plenty of trips and have time for holidays..have no plans on trying to change that any time soon.
Most of my friends that are now married and/or have kids cannot do a lot of the things I still do and spend time complaining about it.
I suppose it all depends what you want out of life. I think there's almost like a check list of things in life that everyone expects everyone to want or achieve. Except they don't apply to everyone, don't turn your life into a box ticking exercise.
lava127@reddit
i’d say no you haven’t, as long as you’re enjoying life so far and have made lots of great memories and are planning to create even more then you havent missed out on anything!
Therashser@reddit
I was a young father and missed out on lads holidays and have a small group of friends due to being at home with the kids, I'm nearly 50, I think we all have things we wish we had done in our lives but missed out on, the only way to change things is to do it today and focus on the things we are glad we have done in our lives.
Charliewalter7@reddit
Start something. Don’t start something. The time will pass anyway.
Droidy934@reddit
Yep you've missed the joys of parenting, now my children are your age. Very satisfying seeing them with their own children. You'll be able to pick up your Darwin Award soon.
CassieBeeJoy@reddit
I get that. I felt the same way when Covid hit. Looked at 30 fast approaching and felt that I hadn’t got anything done. But I also identified the reasons why. I was living inside of my own head too much and just going through the motions of every day.
So I started to put myself out there and do things for myself. It’s been really hard at times but I’ve lived more in the last three years than I’ve lived in the first 30. It’s only too late when you’re dead.
You can’t turn back time but you can change things going forward. My advice to you would be to set yourself some goals to put yourself out of your comfort zone. You won’t succeed every time but you’ll learn a lot about yourself and have experiences that will be worth it.
weesiwel@reddit
Except there’s not much I can do about my life.
SnooPets7323@reddit
Friends are friends, irrespective of gender. Lads holidays suck, too much bs. Marriage is over rated. Kids will ruin you financially and there's no guarantee they will be there for you either. You want to make a difference? Find a charity or cause you believe in and help. And if you want more friends, feed any animal.
weesiwel@reddit
Or I could just end it now and be just as fulfilled and less miserable.
Outrageous-Garlic-27@reddit
What do you want from life? Determine that first, then go and get it!
My husband and I were 37 when we first met. Four years on we have a marriage, new house, baby son, new jobs. It can all happen very quickly when you want it!
---x__x---@reddit
At least you've had lots of great sex with beautiful women and have 500k in your retirement accounts, right?
SeoulGalmegi@reddit
I'm sure this post is missing out on listing the things you have done in your life and the reasons you chose/wanted to do these.
40 is still young(ish) with plenty of opportunity to take new paths and try new things, but it's first worth considering if these are things you do actually want to do, or just things you think you should want to do?
Top_Vacation_6712@reddit
what have you been doing for 40 years?
EyeSignificant7388@reddit
Have you seen Deadwood yet?
WeSavedLives@reddit
I think this one is entirely subjective. Are those things necessary to live a fulfilled life? no. Do you wish you experienced those things? Then the answer is yes, althought it's never too late.
Cleveland_Grackle@reddit
That was you life, mate...
Leking9@reddit
A decade younger but bro… me too
hochiho923@reddit
You're still young mate. Go get some friends. Plan a short trip somehwere not too far away. Try your best to find your love.
Cant-decide-username@reddit
Yeah you have certainly missed out on those things. But I’m guessing there are other things you have not missed out on?
NuttyMcNutbag@reddit
Well not really. He can still get married and have a family. He can still do the lads holiday if he wants, although it’s not really the same after you’ve passed the “young, dumb and full of cum” age bracket.
Cant-decide-username@reddit
I should have been clearer, I meant that he has missed out on those things so far.
And sure I know a ton of people that have gone on “lads holidays” in their 40’s and 50’s.
Alexw80@reddit
Same boat. But as long as life isn't over yet, there's still hope lol
PowerApp101@reddit
Even Frank Sinatra had a few regrets. But then again, too few to mention.
The answer is yes you have missed out on those things so far. But, they are still achievable. Everyone has missed out on certain things.
I also find reflecting back is a waste of time. What's done is done. Move forwards.
Dazz316@reddit
Stop worrying about what you haven't had, what HAVE you had?
mustafizn73@reddit
Life isn’t about ticking boxes. Everyone’s path is unique, and it’s never too late to make meaningful connections or start new experiences. Focus on what brings you joy now – there's still plenty of time to create the life you want.
71109E@reddit
Think about when you’re on your deathbed, would you regret not having achieved more than what you’re set to achieve now? If you would then do what it takes for you to not have those regrets.
71109E@reddit
For my view on what life is then yeah, 100%. Can’t tell you if you’ve missed out on what you want though. Not too late to change it but you’re getting older by the day, same as the rest of us. Do it now or you’ll regret it.
BarrattG@reddit
One could easily define the quality of their life by considering all the things that they lack or that they haven't experienced. Everyone has worth, and there are probably reasons you have chosen to live the way you have.
If you want to be married and have kids, work towards those goals.
Lad's holidays can be both fleeting and over-rated, the last one I went on I had a hangover for 2 days, and one of the lads pooped himself, you aren't missing anything there.
Warm-Chocolate-1357@reddit
no ... That the grass is always greener on the other side The neighbor’s got a new car that you want to drive And when time is running out you want to stay alive
These-Business-7789@reddit
I went on my first lads holiday at 24, it was okay, but way too much alcohol, takeaway and regret. The week flew over and I was back in England before I knew it. There's also that one lad who always takes things too far and ruins it for everyone else.
You really aren't missing out on much. I much prefer thing abroad with my parents.
pressresetnow@reddit
Man fuck regrets, if you feel like you’re missing out on something do it now.
Whisky-Toad@reddit
My wife wont be too happy when I start up a sex life with teenagers / 20 year olds
BoringDragonfly9009@reddit
Own goal
shiftystylin@reddit
What have you achieved though? If that shit is meaningless to you, then why bother that you haven't done it? If you feel somehow you missed out, then there's a chance to go out, meet a great group of guys, and find the right person to settle down with. That's 2 out of 4, and see how you feel from there?
If I were to compare, I'm currently I'm on a median salary. I feel like I should be further ahead. But I've travelled the world, worked on ships and with ROV's, and worked in education with some amazing kids. It was demeaning to go work in a coffee shop whilst I figured out what I wanted to do next, serving coffee to people who felt they could treat me like dirt for waiting too long. But man alive have I had a good ride of it so far, and those people don't know shit about my past, and nor do I expect them too. I'm happy with who I am and what I've done, so when someone says "you didn't watch the world cup!?" - and? Don't put your expectations on me - I'm me, and I'll do what I want and be happy about it. So should you. No one should judge you for not doing those things, and should celebrate you for the things you are proud to share you accomplished so far.
Malagate3@reddit
Classic trousers of time situation, maybe you look back now and think "ah a lads holiday coulda been a good laugh", but perhaps if you had then you wouldn't have made it to 40 - always someone balcony jumping and missing the next balcony and failing to miss the ground, why not 22 year old you?
Also, I've done loads of things, I've seen most of the modern wonders of the world, seen some of the ancient wonders of the world, swam in an underground river, scaled a couple of mountains, walked on the sea floor, skydived near Stonehenge, built a house, shaved an old man, hugged a llama, hefted a mammoth's tooth, swam in the open ocean, went to centre parcs with lads on the lash, cooked a bacon bomb, roasted marshmallows on an open camp fire, shagged in places I shouldn't be shagging, I've been whipped in the streets, I've out drank some of the people of the world to the point of being respected for it, have been out drank in turn and always ended up safe and sound.
Most of that I never bother to talk about, to the point where I don't think anyone in my current workplace knows any of it - really many of those experiences were probably wasted on the likes of me, honestly a lot of them I don't think about at all day to day. Ah well, I have never been bothered by things I've not done - except when I didn't put out the bins!
Spindrift1212@reddit
Have you got a group of female friends? Everything you mention is not a measure of life. Your 40. When your 60 you will look back and wish you were 40. When your 80 you will wish you were 60 again. Just enjoy it. Growing old is a privilege. So make it count
scrufflesby@reddit
This resonates with me. Albeit I'm 33, I have a few male friends, all separate from one another, always struggled to just belong anywhere personally. Always wanted a group of mates I could go mess around with, seen plenty of other guys have those experiences and talk about them and always feel like I've missed that boat.
Having said that, resonating with others sentiments, I still believe I have time. It's just not going to be the way I envisioned it, try not to tie yourself to expectations of what it should be.
Wonderful_Fun_2086@reddit
40 is not old. Not everyone has a big circle of friends. Id join some clubs if you have time but dont be too needy. That puts people off. Ive had no friends at all for years & found it difficult to make them in adulthood. I moved away from the place I grew up and lost touch. I’ve been called Billy no-mates when mixing in a group of long established friends so clearly I appear needy. That was more than 20 years ago. I still didn’t make any friends. I only have my wife & her family who aren’t really friendly and aren’t nice in any case. I feel pretty much like the OP and at 60 now not 40. Join some clubs etc is my only suggestion but and try to mix with others in trying circumstances where you may bond etc without appearing needy and don’t latch onto others as that might make your presence claustrophobic for them. I’m actually the last person to advise. My only excuse is that I was working and too busy to do much about the situation. Even though I’m 60 I don’t believe it’s too late but certainly it isn’t at 40. OP take some actions if you can & have time.
CappriGirl@reddit
I'd remind you that there's probably a whole host of things that people sitting in a bar on a lads' holiday wish they were doing or the guy arguing with his wife or the parents with sick kids who have been up 27 times in the night. Just as you're envying them, I'm sure some of them are envying you. Think about the stuff you have got to do. Be grateful for it. Moreover, don't beat yourself up. Everyone has their own path, and if you want those things, go and get them. If you want something else, get that, but go and do it now.
The_Sown_Rose@reddit
Did you want to do any of those things?
Moon-Man-888@reddit
I been feeling the same lately and nearly 40 too. I still remember 10 years ago at my friends wedding he laughed at me in front of everyone and said, “you’re still chilling?!”. Wish I married my ex partner… regrets are tough to swallow and get over. Hope is all we have!
futdawuck@reddit
Feel the same way sometimes. Had a group of friends when I was younger and drifted apart, have absolutely zero non work non family friends now, but I can’t say that I hate it. I’ll see them doing the odd thing from time to time and wish I was there then I realise I would have just found a way to not go cause I couldn’t be arsed anyway
KelpFox05@reddit
Are you happy?
If yes, change nothing (or at least very little).
If no, change as much as possible.
TheRealBummelz@reddit
Do you regret your decision? That’s all you need to answer. If yes, why? Don’t think about what could have been. Think about what is still possible
spreadbetter@reddit
Nah man
You got health, roof over your head, food and ultimately choice
You can choose
People in situations they are stuck in or have little choice
You're good
takesthebiscuit@reddit
Join a local round table, you will get all that and more
WeDoingThisAgainRWe@reddit
Have you enjoyed the life you've had?
MarkEsmiths@reddit
Exactly. It's pointless to try and answer his question given the details (none) about his life other than the absence of a particular set of activities.
AndAnotherThingHere@reddit
Luckily you're only 40.
Write down what you want and then do it, assuming it's legal of course.
Natural_Leg_2345@reddit
If it’s any consolation, I feel like that too with the only difference being married. I’m turning 41 in a month and have no network of people in my life. We’re both expats so all our neighbours whilst being nice tend to bypass us within the community. I have no friends, and not much of a connection with my biological family due to toxic relations there. I’ve only ever been on a group holiday once with people that turned out to be purely materialistic and had no interest in us as people. Chose not to have kids due to a history of poor health in my family and due to no support in the UK. I’ve been thinking about my life choices a lot recently, and whilst all of them were correct given the circumstances, my life feels very empty right now. I don’t have any solution for the OP unfortunately.
Rough-Sprinkles2343@reddit
Yeah that sucks
BigWillBodie@reddit
There is no point in regretting decisions you never made.
Who knows, you could have gone on a lads holiday at 18, met a girl, got her pregnant, felt obliged to marry her. Then she could have been abusive, the child could have hated you when it grew up, been a nightmare as a child.
If that had been your life, you would be on reddit asking, "Have I missed out in life?" Because you would think you would have been much happier if you'd stayed single, never got married, and never had a kid.
Make the most of what you have now, that's all you can do. Never regret things you never did because you never know how they would have turned out.
sam100008@reddit
It's not these things that matter. You can do all of it and still feel not content enough.
What matters is if you can enjoy the given moment whether it's you alone or in a group.
Don't get lost in the myth of bucket lists.
Imreallyadonut@reddit
Did you ever want to do those things?
If you did and had the opportunity then why did you not do them?
If you weren’t interested in doing those things then you’ve not missed out on them, doing things out of some belief that you should just means you miss out the things you did want to do
What I’m saying, in a roundabout way, is that no one other than you knows if you’ve missed out on life, because only you truly know what you want from your life.
Have_Other_Accounts@reddit
A groups of friends is good. But a lads holiday is absolutely terrible I'm every way. Especially if you're someone who's introverted and low energy like you seem, it would be hell.
Yersinia_Pestis789@reddit
You're just describing a typical life. Is this the life that you've always wanted but didn't have for some reason? What I'm calling a typical life is the societal ideal of how one is expected to live one's life. But you don't live your life for others. And we don't know what happens behind closed doors. The perfect family next door ain't actually that perfect. I also catch myself comparing my life to other people's at times. I'm trying to stop doing that. Everyone's journey is unique. And we also need to come to terms with the fact that we can't always have what we want. Do you and what makes you feel good. To me, you haven't missed out on anything. You can't miss or regret something you've never had
80IQDroolingRetard@reddit
Honestly, yeah (I'm not far behind you and haven't done any of those things either, so I'm not throwing shade or anything). When it starts getting to me, I just remind myself that I'll probably be dead within 30 years and none of my problems will matter anymore. Back into blissful nonexistence, where none of this shit matters.
Not everyone is meant to be loved or have a meaningful existence, some of us are just background characters for other more important people. There's no shame in being set dressing, even if it does hurt sometimes.
GeordieAl@reddit
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
Fudball1@reddit
You don't say if you have a partner? If you do, and it's a great relationship and you do lots of fun things. Then missing lads holidays etc isn't the end of the world.
If your living a solitary life with no partner or close friends, I'd advise you to try and change that situation . There's so many experiences you could still have that are so much better when shared with others.
presterjohn7171@reddit
I'm guessing that you are not sporty. That's the life of a chap in a school football team who wears a football jersey at weekends etc. That was never going to be you and you would have hated it if you were dragged along to those things. You need to find a substitute for these things. Join an active club or association. Find something with people like a local charity.
LargeSteve69@reddit
Yeah sounds kind of boring tbh. Not too late to change it though
aaron2933@reddit
Depends. Are you happy? If the answer is yes then maybe you haven't missed out on anything
JackDrawsStuff@reddit
Plenty of life after forty man.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
Who would want to go on a lads holiday or have kids?
GanacheImportant8186@reddit
Hanging with the boys and looking after young people are basically two of the most important activities a man can have. Being deprived of either (especially the former) is pretty terrible for men's mental health (even if they don't realise it re children).
boliston@reddit
both my idea of hell lol
MattyLePew@reddit
Very rarely will people have a life where they haven't missed out on anything. Personally, I've got a family, a house, kids, but I have missed out completely on a group of male friends, holidays 'of a lifetime' and 'lads holidays'.
Instead of dwelling on what you HAVEN'T done, celebrate what you have done and what you have got.
If you want to be married, get yourself out there and make an effort to meet somebody! It's easier than ever now with the internet and all those dating sites!
Equivalent_Ask_1416@reddit
You shouldn't worry about what people have that you don't because life is different for us all. Our culture seems to put pressure on people to have a wife and kids, but think about all the responsibilities and worries, do you really want that strain on your life and are you going to have a partner who will stand by you? Go and do what you want, life is an opportunity to be whoever you want to be, so be what you want to be and drown out the noise.
alphahydra@reddit
There's still time, if you want to.
For me, the lads' holiday thing is a bit overrated anyway. My ability to actively enjoy time with my mates in a high energy mode lasts about 12 hours, and then it starts to wear thin. After 24 hours, I have the overpowering urge to fuck off home and drink tea and watch telly by myself.
Compound that feeling with being hungover in a hot climate as well.
Losflakesmeponenloco@reddit
You aren’t old . Don’t lie to yourself about what you want. Then figure out how to get it .
jaBroniest@reddit
I feel the same way, 34. You gotta start living. My 20s blew by and u wasted it on alcohol fuelled night's. Get yourself out in the countryside. Wild camp. See the country you live in, there's some beautiful sights to be seen. Go to museums, zoos, indie music festivals. The hardest part w for me was caring what people thought of me. Fuck. Those. People. Do whatever brings you joy. We are here for a good time, not a long time.
lilianlaslandes@reddit
What did you do though. I bet it wasn’t nothing.
oljackson99@reddit
I’m guessing by the fact he’s felt the need to post this then he probably does to some extent.
Patient_Debate3524@reddit
Or maybe looking back it's a bt of doubt about what he "should" have done. But there shouldn't be any shoulds because people should do what's right for them.
Some people might have got married (and divorced) by then.
It's not good to have regrets, so there's time to learn how to change and learn ways to be more social because no one can force being part of a large friend group if they haven't got one and relationships take time.
Warm-Conclusion-8891@reddit
You’ve only missed out on it if you wanted it in the first place. And if you do want it, no time like the present.
Responsible-Tap-9703@reddit
Not everyone’s has the same life, not everyone has to go to uni, become an alcoholic, take loads of drugs, have loads of regrets. It’s not a good life. It looks glamorous to outsiders. But it’s just now. Choose what you want in life and go after it. now. If that’s to have drinking friends and go to party destinations. Go for it. You’ll realise you aren’t missing out on anything
S8M8@reddit
You're right, being an alcoholic or drug addict is not a good thing, but let's not pretend that it's a choice between that and having no friends, there's plenty of in between
ShowMeYourPapers@reddit
Have a reset. Sell everything and travel. Maybe join an organisation that helps people abroad. If you own a home rent it out while you're expanding your horizons.
Gypsyfella@reddit
You could also say you've saved yourself a lot of stress.
Susann1023@reddit
You didn't miss out on life. You just have a different life.
Why do we all stick to that idea that we all have to have the same path and achieve certain things by 20, by 30, by 50 or whatever. At the end of all that effort, you fucking die. Noone hands you an award for losing virginity before 18 or having marriage and children before 30. Noone. So why do we all try to jump through these hoops.
Please don't entertain the thought that you missed out on life. Think about the good stuff that gives you joy and good memories you've made so far. Tomorrow is not promised and you never know what future holds.
Ricky_Martins_Vagina@reddit
Ok but what have you done?
I had a group of male friends - they turned out to be a waste of time.
Never been on a lads holiday - never did fancy it much. Travelled plenty on my own - seen and experienced far more than I would have on any lads holiday.
Marriage and kids - didn't think it was for me until I met the woman who would become my wife.
Don't compare yourself to what others are doing / have done.
queerhippiewitch@reddit
My life truly began at 38. I've planted many trees. Every day is a new day and a new chance to change everything, to have an adventure. To say fuck it, I'm doing this, because I've always wanted to do this.
madbastard191@reddit
Do you actually want those things?
A lads holiday is my idea of hell. I holiday on my own. I don't want kids; it is a hard rule I live by. I'm pretty happy single, occasionally have relationships. Don't like the idea of marriage.
sunsetsandbouquets@reddit
Not at all. Your time will come soon. We all have our chapter xx pick one most important to you and take daily steps to get there?
appletinicyclone@reddit
Thing less do more unless it's an extremely high risk thing
insertitherenow@reddit
I’m 53 and have more regrets than I can chuck a stick at. It changes nothing.
Vireosolitarius@reddit
i’m 59. life is what you make it - don’t worry about other people and live yours to the best of your ability
Patient_Debate3524@reddit
Did you want any of those things? Or do you jut feel it's "expected"? Are you happy with how youve spent your time?
If you want to change, you can, but you shouldn't feel the pressure to be like "other people" or to do things just because it's expected.
pretend_active-001@reddit
Don't be scared to live your life, you'll never make it out alive
im-a-circle@reddit
Shit happens hindsight’s a motherfucker that’s life
Fewest21@reddit
I had a friend who drowned whilst on holiday. A lot of my friends are now divorced, and I have lost contact with them. I waisted a lot of time in pubs. Some holidays I have been on, costs thousands of pounds and I learnt nothing and now they are just faded memories and I can't remember much about them. Decide what you want from life, try it out, one step at a time. Find your own contentment.
BabaSarah@reddit
Better to have a few great years than lots of okay years, quality of life is more important than quantity.
You could meet the love of your life and have a great few years whereas others may have settled because they are scared of being alone.
Each situation is different and every day you wake up is another chance that thousands will not get
desertterminator@reddit
Sometimes I feel like this, but then I think about a guy born a hundred years ago and the 16 hour shifts he was doing in an asbestos factory and think "eh, its fine to spend my life in front of a computer screen, and to be wholly unremarkable."
What upsets me the most are the missed opportunities I had when I was younger, always too scared to say yes, to say that thing, to do that thing. As we get older those opportunities become few and far between, because by middle-adulthood you've settled down into a comfortable life and everything becomes routine and mundane, there are no more secrets, no more thrills. Sure you could go throw yourself out of an aeroplane for a quick fix but its like this. Some guy, whose name I forget, once said:
"Too many of us die at 25 but aren't buried until we're 75", and that was said some years ago. I think your problem is a universal truth, and so we should just content ourselves with what we have and strive to be at peace before the end.
davus_maximus@reddit
Nah. If you've been doing what you love, you haven't lost out. Do what you want.
boldstrategy@reddit
A lot of us are old and in the same situation, you have lived the life you live.
EconomyCaptain4378@reddit
What have you been doing instead?
BorderTerrible9070@reddit
im in the same boat actually sometimes I feel ive missed out and then other times I realise conforming to whats expected is the real trap, being free of parenthood and able to go and do the things you want is a blessing parents and spouces dont have. You dont have to compromise yourself and if you want to hop on a plane alone go to Ibiza meet a load of random "lads" or whatever you can easily do that if you feel the need to tick off some sort of bucket list of experiences.
I feel like the grass is always greener no matter what and you should learn to be happy no matter the situation as these things can easily drag a man into depression, when the reality is not that bad of a situation and you have freedoms you wouldnt have otherwise. Its all just perception and societys expectations. It is what it is and who knows what your next 10 years will bring dont waste them being hung up on coulda woulda shouldas. Your thinking and thoughts cant change the past but they can easily ruin your tomorrow. Thats my general attitude anyway.
imminentmailing463@reddit
All being well, you're only about half way through your life. Your story is far from written. If you feel you've missed out on experiences, you still have so much time to have new ones.
JoinMyPestoCult@reddit
Did you want all those things?
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