Having to plan every single social situation because of the language barrier sucks
Posted by plugnplay-@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 17 comments
It really does and I feel it contributing to stress. I have to plan the potential conversations beforehand on the walk over to where I'm going. I have to keep conversations curt because I feel like I can't express myself as well as my native language (English) and my social life sucks. I underestimated the amount of how much native proficiency is needed for even basic daily tasks and errands. How words I'm used to in my region in day to day speech aren't used. It's a horrible feeling honestly.
I don't want to go home, but I'd be lying if this didn't suck. Worst part is I don't have friends. And the friends I have back home are jealous of me being here and don't respond to any mention of the country I'm in so I can't talk to them about this. :/
dwylth@reddit
Are you studying the local language? Why not?
plugnplay-@reddit (OP)
Spanish, I've been learning for about 3 years seriously now. It's the language nuances and day to day things that suck the most. I've only been here 3 weeks though, and am stressed about visa stuff, job stuff, bad internet, family stuff, idk. I was just venting a bit. I'm generally happier here I guess. It's just such a big change and it's sinking in in different ways.
ericblair21@reddit
Yeah, you're in the worst of it now. Before you move somewhere, your required level of proficiency is "where is the bus station", and all of a sudden it's "I need to open a residential electric account, but the apartment's account is currently in the landlord's name, and do I need to send a deposit?"
Then after a couple of years you'll automatically use the Spanish word for some bureaucratic thing and grope for the English.
plugnplay-@reddit (OP)
Yeah, it's even a huge difference just staying in a new country for 3 months vs trying to LIVE somewhere. Like night and day. I enjoyed my 3 months so much that I decided to put in the work to live here, but holy crap it's a difference.
bruhbelacc@reddit
There's a difference between the fluency you get from classroom learning or listening to podcasts and real-life listening. People speak faster and use informal or dialect words. Their speech is full of unknown names and abbreviations that make it even more confusing because you don't know if that name is a noun or an adjective... but they don't consider that you don't know it. The good it is that it doesn't take much to get used to that.
dwylth@reddit
3 weeks is literally peak "what the hell have I done" time. Be kind to yourself! Give it another 3 months and you'll start to feel more calm. Give it another 6 and so much will be second nature.
Culture shock lasts a long time!
ninz@reddit
Totally understandable, that’s not a very long time and all those stressors add up! But keep at using it day to day - immersion will help so much. It will suck horribly for awhile unfortunately though and I totally get it.
fartaround4477@reddit
This exercise is superb for brain health. You'll avoid dementia with all these new neural pathways.
ninz@reddit
Which country and language?
plugnplay-@reddit (OP)
Spain and spanish.
nodeocracy@reddit
You will pick it up in no time. Focus all your fears on studying
darthwhy@reddit
Aren't there other expats? I always found that the expat bubble is the absolute best thing about the expat experience - you won't become a local anyway so may as well ride the fun bubble while it lasts, and it's a lot easier to create connections as all of them are or have been in your same situation. It's a bit dull at the beginning when you have the same conversation over and over again (where from, what do, how long here, etc) but sooner or later you will click with someone.
Daily errands can become painful but honestly nowadays you can use machines pretty much anywhere from food order to supermarkets and google translate the rest, so I guess it's survivable.
Don't force yourself to fit in like someone who has lived there for decades, it's not a fight you can win - find your people and roll with them, the integration with the culture and the language will come naturally at some point.
Also women love (european and american) expats for some reason, if you are not in a relationship download some app and go crazy.
And you are a native English speaker, lots of people will want to hang out with you just for that reason (obviously very superficial but what interaction isn't at the beginning?), you just need to find the right platform (eg. language exchanges were very hot in my early expat days).
John198777@reddit
I used to be like you in French. I moved to France, got a French girlfriend and then years later, French hardly feels like a foreign language. You can do it.
alexdaland@reddit
The weirdest thing for me - Im Norwegian, was to all of a sudden wake up one morning and realize I just dreamt in English. And then later Thai
alexdaland@reddit
When I first moved to SE Asia and met my (now ex) wife, we randomly met this western guy in a bar in Cambodia, and my wife asked if he speaks Thai: Yes I do, not only do I speak Thai, but I speak your dialect. (Thai-Lao/Isaan), and he also spoke Khmer (cambodian) and she looked at him like he just invented fire.
Now, 15 years later - and Im married to a Khmer woman - I dont pretend or claim that I speak any of them fluently, but enough to get by, to have a small chat here and there about mostly whatever. And after learning that, I quickly started picking up other languages, again not fluently in any way, but enough to say hello, good morning, how are you, thats a pretty dress in Italian, French, Spanish, German and so on. Im a bartender so it comes in very handy. But for sure, learning the language, or at least enough to pick up the context of whats being said really improved my quality of life here. Not just with the locals, but also that I can chit-chat with some random Italian enough that he/she appreciates the effort.
emaddxx@reddit
It will take you at least 2 years to get enough proficiency to understand most of what people say and to be able to say what you want.
In my experience English speakers greately underestimate time and effort it takes as it's happened in your case. E.g. I often see Americans on r/travel who try to learn a bit of the local language before going on a trip thinking they will be able to communicate. Order a coffee, yes. Have a conversation, nope.
You need to give yourself time. And yes, living abroad is difficult, and it's not like a holiday. Making friends is also difficult if you start from scratch as an adult, and you're in a different culture with a different language.
If I were you I would try to connect with some English speakers to feel a bit like yourself at least some of the time while you improve your Spanish and try to befriend Spaniards.
gschoon@reddit
I say, if you're in a (big) city, go to a language exchange and meet some new people, that way, you can take a break and speak in English while helping some people who could become friends.