How close are you in your IT department between yourselves ?
Posted by StrikingPeace@reddit | sysadmin | View on Reddit | 180 comments
We are a team of 9 in the IT dept including the manager and only one lady.
We are very cool and good between each other, crack jokes during work, take care of each other, cover for each other etc. -there is none of those corporate fights, backstabbing etc amongst us
but kind of weird is that we don't link outside of work and in personal matters like relationships, marriage, hobbies, religion, business etc at all
Other departments seem very social, organize their company sponsored outing events to relax have fun connect etc but we don't do that. If we are invited to a company social event or party you'd be lucky to get 3 people to attend.
Between ourselves we do ask each other how home is, the family, the wife, the kids etc. here and there but don't go any deeper -we don't know about each other's personal lives.
when we come back to work from the weekend, we just ask each other how was the weekend bla bla that's it -no going down into the details or sitting down around a table to share our escapades having drinks etc
Are we weird or it's a normal IT thing
B4rberblacksheep@reddit
Let’s be real, the folk who end up working in IT don’t tend to be the social butterfly’s. Nothing wrong with that, just how it tends to be.
Forced-data-analyst@reddit
Depends if they're the drinking type or not, and wether or not you count talking about work/tech while drinking as socializing or not.
Forced-data-analyst@reddit
We're all great friends, most of us have some kind of connection from outside of work as well.
I don't think what you're describing is that weird, it speaks to the fact that all of you have lifes outside of work. Where I work we're 4 in our 20's and one that's 30 (more of a manager/support desk combo). We don't have wife's and kids so I think that's why we hang out more outisde of work than what might be normal.
Me and the other "senior" admin (both 24) go out drinking together with other friends outside of work and while I wouldn't say we do any "corporate fighting/backstabbing".... We fight, we break up, We kiss, we make up... Like that one time I forgot to commit a transaction and his shit would crash and he spent about 3,5 hours trying to fix it... whoops!
budtske@reddit
I work at a place now where my team is extremely tight. And actually does meet up outside of work.
That is def. Unique and something I've never encountered before.
The company is 25 years old this year and the retention is just absolutely crazy. Apart from a single new guy in my team the retention goes: 3y , me at 5 and the others are all 7+ with my teamlead having 24y.
All the guys in high places are both technical and have worked their way up. All 20+ years tenure. All these European mergers do make for more bureaucracy. But this place really is something.
ErikTheEngineer@reddit
I think that might have something to do with it too. If you have constant forced turnover (or even voluntary,) people are going to be more mercenary-like and not get that close to each other. If you find one of the crazy unicorn places that produces a high-margin product, values their tech employees and doesn't fire/offshore them when the CIO needs a new yacht...of course you're going to be tighter-knit than normal. But for the 99+% of places that aren't like that, the bonds are going to be weaker because someone you get to know well could be gone next week.
ErikTheEngineer@reddit
I don't find it weird. Every other department in a business is like this for one reason only -- they're all fighting to be the manager and they see that extroversion is rewarded. Technical departments (IT, engineering, operations/logistics. etc.) are the only exception to this...we have a bunch of work to do and we do it...no interpersonal drama. Unless you become the manager, you're really just expected to do your work.
If you support non-IT departments at work, I think you can see what I'm talking about if you look hard enough. Your average paper-pushing department has 5 or 6 similarly-skilled people doing the same paper-pushing job. Most of them just sort of fell into it after graduating business school and hate it. Unlike a technical department, where you can get a better job by picking up more skills and finding an opening, the only way out for these people is supervisory/management, otherwise they'll be stuck in the same position forever. Extroverts are rewarded in management, so everyone is trying to outdo each other on the extroversion scale, which makes it look like they're best buddies, when in reality they're not and they're trying to be the one who gets the promotion.
One of the podcasts I listen to is Manager Tools/Career Tools. Some of their advice is sound, but others just seems like it was taken from the old playbook of building "relationships", sucking up to the VP, playing golf with the executives, and all that stuff. IT is probably the only department where you don't have to worry about relationships, because skill is all that matters.
ghostmomo517@reddit
job is job, outside the job is none of your business. :)
kerosene31@reddit
Early in my career, I had work friends who were actual friend friends. Then I had a few turn on me in really surprising (and stupid) ways, so I learned my lesson. Work friends are work friends. Which means, friendly, not friends. Work people are always kept at arms length.
Things are cool now... but all it takes is one spark, one new person, one stupid argument, and the knives come out. Some managers even encourage it.
My guess is that this distance is way more common post covid, probably not just in IT. It is a job. People come and go. I'm nice to people of course, but always at a distance. "How about this weather?". "Did you see that ludicrous display last night?" (The IT Crowd joke for those not in the know)
androidguy73@reddit
Well, what you are is very lucky.
Have to deal with those corporate fights and backstabbings amongst us.
In a team of 16 I have to be wary of about 8 people, 3-4 I am really good with and do organize after work things with and 4 are pretty neutral.
But those 8 suck the life out of me :(
So as long as you guys look out for each other, and care for each other who cares if you don’t organize after work stuff.
H3rbert_K0rnfeld@reddit
What do these people do that do that, specifically?
I don't get how any worker can be misaligned to org goals.
223454@reddit
Also, knowledge hoarding and access restrictions so we need to go to them for everything and to limit our growth so we aren't a threat to them; cutting people out of the loop/emails/meetings for the same purpose; tearing people down in front of others to make themselves look more important/better. Removing access or taking things away as a power move and to make our jobs a little more difficult.
androidguy73@reddit
Well, just some that I have dealt with until now are:
Stealing work credit, demeaning my work (have heard passing comments like I could have done it too, it was easy etc) on some projects I have completed and deployed all on my own, sabotaging me in front of suppliers and other department colleagues, I had to apologize to my manager for completing a project that the director assigned to me (this boggles my mind), limiting access to restrict individual work freedom, suffocating office politics.
That’s just from the top of my head.
Dont-take-seriously@reddit
Oh, I lasted 6 months in a job like that
MeBeEric@reddit
I went from an MSP where everyone got along and were essentially family friends outside of work to a strictly corporate environment after a layoff. My. Fucking. God. The amount of willful sabotage and zero shame in throwing team members under the bus for brownie points is appalling.
KiwiKerfuffle@reddit
This is genuinely what's ruined most of my jobs, the people.
When I enjoy the work but can't because I have to worry about shitty people, that's incredibly frustrating and demotivating.
Shitty managers, shitty out of touch upper management, shitty coworkers that make my job more difficult in one way or another... Yeah, I don't mind a lot of work since I'm doing what I love, but a bad work environment is the key to making me time another job fast.
androidguy73@reddit
Yep been in the role 6 months and I am already tired of it mentally, plus the IT director and manager don’t get along together so it’s even more frustrating especially cause the manager is very unsupportive of any new ideas and innovation.
Just wants to keep the status quo while doing the bare minimum. Which I frankly don’t enjoy so when I go out of my way to do something extra he does not like it.
But I do it anyway because as long as I can rack up my CV I can leave in a year or two eventually or move departments.
KiwiKerfuffle@reddit
Definitely focus on the experience/knowledge you can get, I've struggled with that the most being in T1 helpdesk/network positions for years and management/coworkers never letting me explore outside/above my job duties. If you have opportunities at your job to learn and get hands on experience, don't pass it up. Fuck the people that wanna prevent you from progressing in life.
Now that I finally scraped up enough experience I just accepted what seems like a great job opportunity with a sizeable pay increase.
androidguy73@reddit
Yep that’s the focus, even though I am not T1.
Everyone has just made a niche out for themselves and they don’t let you touch it, and when you try to carve out your own space they get pissed and catty.
But well I have continued to do it anyway, cause the people that are going to hate on you will do so anyway so might as well have fun myself while pissing them off.
It does get difficult sometimes though, very difficult to keep a positive mental attitude and keep the grind going.
KiwiKerfuffle@reddit
I recently dealt with a bout of depression mostly because of a shitty job I had that wouldn't let me expand my knowledge without INCREDIBLE effort on my part (I'm talking they wouldn't even let me study for certs in my free time amount of BS, no open comms between teams either) to learn skills/responsibilities outside of my specific position. I know exactly how you're feeling, I hope you can push through it and find a better opportunity.
androidguy73@reddit
That’s the aim !
Dptwin@reddit
I'd say we are pretty "close" There are only 4 of us but we all get along and we talk during downtime at work about random stuff. We don't hang out after work because someone normally works a night shift meaning they get off too late.
We play games and chat in discord on occasion.
vCentered@reddit
At my current org I have almost zero communication with my colleagues outside of work.
Sometimes I'll see something funny or interesting and send a text message. That's about it.
At previous orgs we've gone out to dinner, to bars, local events.
tch2349987@reddit
It's normal. I never share my personal life with my coworkers either since I'm not looking for friends at work, but I respect whoever does it and get along, good for them!
Commercial-Fun2767@reddit
Why is it normal that other department do but not IT?
tch2349987@reddit
it's up to you if you want to share your persona life with your coworkers, nothing wrong with that.
Commercial-Fun2767@reddit
Yes but I feel like the question was why not in IT. I too see other departments socialising outside work but find ourself in IT being old lumberjacks of autistic people that never socialise.
tch2349987@reddit
Most IT are introverts.
Unable-Entrance3110@reddit
Yep, my MO is "a people-pleasing introvert"
I have learned to keep to myself as a defense mechanism so I am not taken advantage of.
There is a type A personality profile out there that I try to avoid like the plague because they seem to be able to exploit my personality like no other.
Some of the hardest times of my life have been the long ramp up to the "I don't want to do this anymore" conversations that I have to have to extract myself from them/the situation.
I am like gold to these people because I want to help, I am competent, hard working, find it hard to say no and I don't complain.
Though, I have to say, the best work I have ever done was in the service of people like this since they don't take "no" very readily and keep driving me to do better because they somehow know that I can, even when I don't think so.
tarentules@reddit
Like tch2349987 said, many/most would agree that the majority of people working in IT are introverted by nature.
myg0t_Defiled@reddit
Yeah, that's true. I don't have any friends and my coworkers do not socialize. Whenever I look at other teams (different professions), they always go eating together and drinking after work. It's a shame, but that's my issue - not theirs.
Dedward5@reddit
It’s worth knowing that there will be introverts in other teams too, but because the balance of the team all Like going out the Introverts either grudgingly go along with it (and leave early) or maybe don’t do and then get victimised for being odd and anti social. Thats obviously an extreme take, but it’s not always the case that the prevailing team culture is enjoyed by every team member regardless.
reckless_responsibly@reddit
It's normal for other departments because social is the default for humans. IT attracts "I deal with computers, not people" people who reject socialization as necessary or desirable.
quinnby1995@reddit
I'd bet that if a study was done on IT people, a large chunk are simply introverts, historically people that are into tech have been the geeks, gamers / quiet people who keep to ourselves, so the IT dept tends to be an outlier on the social side, but in large orgs where IT even is split into seperate departments you can sometimes see it as well.
Megafiend@reddit
I don't think it's wierd at all. For the most part - I do not want to socialise with my colleagues outside of business hours, they aren't my friends, I'm paid to do a task for the same employer. I think IT also attracts introverts, the nerds, the gamers and geeks, who also don't exactly have the most outgoing traits.
Unable-Entrance3110@reddit
I don't think it's weird either; I walk alone.
I do go to most company events in order to network and make myself visible, but I otherwise keep to myself.
Being a loner at work also helps with professional detachment as I am always a key part of departures, some of which are sudden.
In my experience, it's best not to make close friends at work.
MeBeEric@reddit
This. Always assume the tech nerds are the peak caricature of the stereotype and be patient. I was loved by clients for being the "customer service" guy on my team, and had to take plenty of complaints for objectively better techs not having the same social skills. Even dealing internally, don't expect people in IT to understand delivery and empathy. It's a very binary and problem solving-centric industry so curtness and being straight to the point is standard.
jacobpederson@reddit
Just as extroverts see introversion as a disability - this is the way we see you also. Nothing worse that a 60 minute meeting with midlevel's talking about football . . . that should have been an email . . .
bbqwatermelon@reddit
I will take that meeting over being chastised for somebody else's mistake or shoddy work.
anonMuscleKitten@reddit
This. I think many people forget almost all work friends are “situational” ones. At any point you can get fired and most of them will be gone in a second.
The last thing you need when getting fired is for your social support group to disappear. You better have close friends outside of work or you’ll get fucked.
MasterIntegrator@reddit
Oh there is fun alright. Just not the type that makes any sense to neurotypical.
This_Bitch_Overhere@reddit
I have been at my company way too long and the relationships I have built within the team have both helped me and they have also soured me on my choice to stay. Knowing who you are is great, but it sucks when people "need," you in order to feel better about themselves. I am nobody's counsel and I dont pretend to be. I like to work together, but sometimes I just need to be left alone. When people dont respect that, it can make them resentful of you. It doesnt affect me because what other people's opinion of me is none of my business, but I come off as callous when all I want is to be left alone to do the job I have been hired to do.
Morhaf_Alshoufi@reddit
You are living my dream
Disastrous-Cow7354@reddit
Why would you be at work outside of your work
Zealousideal_Ad_3150@reddit
Idk, i'm not exactly the most social man but I do get a long pretty well with other people in my department, a few of them I kinda dislike - but for the most part me and the bros have shared a fair bit about our personal lives.
Only one of the guys from work I talk to every now and then after work hours. You have probably collectively chosen to not link and that's totally cool and normal.
jdptechnc@reddit
What you described sounds perfect. Great working relationship, no drama, but at the end of the day, leave work life at work.
FeralSquirrels@reddit
Weird/normal are relative.
I personally find it a very healthy thing to have a work/life balance that includes not making relationships at work also extend outside of the office.
Heck, some of my colleagues I get on really quite well with and get the sense that they're good fun outside of work too - but I feel no need to over-complicate my life by mixing my social and work life together.
Others, however, have turned out to be absolute pricks, some have ended up in relationships which damaged the inter-field disciplines (i.e Helpdesk and SysAdmins). There's egos, jealousies and all the usual office politics drama or those taking things personally.
I want nothing more than to distance myself from work people most of the time, not get more entangled.
IT as a field, wide as that is - attracts those who are already often introverted, a bit dysfunctional or otherwise neurodivergent. It's the same reason why you find certain personality types doing other jobs from Soldiers to Politicians or Field-based Scientists there tends to be a certain "kind" of person who is led there.
GoatWithinTheBoat@reddit
It's normal.
I'm here for work. For my job. I'm not here to socialize. Here for my 8 hours, clocking out, and going home to the friends I've made on my own time, not people I'm forced to interact with.
Redacted_Reason@reddit
We get along, but I wouldn’t want to be friends with the vast majority of them. So I don’t associate with them outside of work.
Szeraax@reddit
same size, makeup, and positive beats. Love it and happy.
tarentules@reddit
Not weird to me but depends on the person. I am cordial to my co-workers and get along well with them during work but I do not want to spend time with them outside of work hours. We are not friends, they are co-workers, I like keeping my work & personal/social life separate. Talking to each other during work hours about our weekends and such is fine but I prefer to leave it there.
With that said when it comes to interacting with employees from other departments I am considered the more sociable/approachable one of the IT dept. where I work. I am not the sterotypical IT nerd that is a basement dweller but I do keep a fairly strict work/personal balance.
Most would probably agree that IT generally attracts introverts or people that are less sociable by nature so it seems completely normal to me that most IT departments would be like this.
djgizmo@reddit
Depends on the org. In some orgs, I’ve been pretty close, in others, I’ve felt like an outsider. In my current org, I’m less of an outsider but not close with anyone.
vabello@reddit
I don't socialize with anyone, only family... so doesn't seem weird to me at all!
MickCollins@reddit
Not at fucking all.
I'm treated as an outcast because I couldn't afford to hang out with them when I started the job and I clearly don't like one of the people I work with (different sub-department) and he returns the thought. Basically because of a lack of respect when I got there (from him to me, not me to him). I seriously wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire. The rest of the folks respect my work because they know I have a work ethic and will actually be doing shit.
Joke's on them. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one on the team who's ever successfully negotiated a raise. Paperwork goes through this week. Nothing major, but every little thing helps.
D1TAC@reddit
This is the first place where I've worked where people just talk how was the weekend, and throw some jokes and then everyone goes about their life. It's wonderful. I dislike getting to personal with other co-workers.
rf9134@reddit
Sounds like most of you are missing opportunities to build relationships with those outside your department.
No need to wait for anyone else, go meet people, build relationships. It will pay dividends, I assure you.
william_tate@reddit
Fuck hanging out with people after 25 years in this industry.
WaldoOU812@reddit
That's totally normal, and what I've dealt with in most jobs. My current team, though, is very close and kinda weird as a result. One friend that I've known for seven years was recently fired, but I recommended him for the job (he was help desk before, and this was a system engineer job that we discovered he wasn't really suited for). Another guy on our team came over to my house to help fix my car the other day, and four others (which includes three people on our help desk) come over for board games on a semi-regular basis.
If it weren't for the fact that two of our people have newborns, we'd likely hang out a lot more, but we do really enjoy each others' company.
There are, of course, a couple outliers, but even the ones we don't hang out with we have a really awesome working relationship with.
turin331@reddit
I am extremely close with the rest of the IT department, i know everything about their lives and we do everything off work together....I am the only sys admin in the department.
IdidntrunIdidntrun@reddit
I'm in a team of 3, me (a sysadmin), then a helpdesk dude (new guy), then my boss. New guy is cool, he's just way older than me.
I get along with my boss, we have some of the same interests both in music and sports which is cool, but we don't talk too much personal stuff. And we certainly don't do extra stuff outside of work together; we both just wanna go home after work lol
secondstar78@reddit
You should thank your lucky stars that there isn't an expectation that you are to socialize with your team off hours. I once worked for a place that went through the ISO 9001 certification process. We were all invited to an after hours "ISO cream party." Do you really want to attend "ISO cream parties" on your OWN TIME?
Work is work, smile and wear your 15 pieces of flare Monday - Friday between the hours of 9:00 AM and 5:00 PM and don't give up any of your personal time for free.
I'm sorry, but personally I only work because there wasn't a trust fund and the money tree that I planted never sprouted.
traversecity@reddit
It’s work. A took me a very long time to figure that out. Family and friends aren’t work, though we have friends in the same industry.
Decantus@reddit
I'm very personable in my job. It's really easy to hop in and out of conversations with anyone I work with regardless of what department they're in. I do not form friendships with people at work. You Term enough people and you kinda start to keep people at arms distance.
yanote20@reddit
yes that's normal, my early work in admin team is a regular monday ritual, but after move to consultant job... almost never seen my team hahaha, cause we all working in client/customer site, there are several guys working in same projects like ms team, or VM team...
Maybe only monthly meeting we all meet when reporting all our projects...
andpassword@reddit
It's normal as far as I can tell. Though my latest engagement has a senior member who's not just extroverted, he's ...aggressively extroverted. He wants to build relationships outside work which makes me a little uncomfortable but hey it takes all kinds.
Creepy-Editor-3573@reddit
We're a team of 4, I'd like to think we're close. I feel responsible for my guys. But I'm the boss so for all I know they call me a crazy bastard when I am not around.
moffetts9001@reddit
Current gig, we don't socialize at all outside of work. My last job, I have multiple lifetime friends from. Don't feel obligated to socialize or get closer to your coworkers if it's not natural.
Waste-Parfait-4634@reddit
Our IT department had a group (about 20) who were pretty tight. We were all around the same age and had similar interests. We would make time after work for happy hours, poker nights, movies, etc. Many have moved on to other companies but we still try to get together when we can. I ended up meeting / marrying my husband who was part of the group. It’s been 20 years and they’re more like family.
LeeTheBee86@reddit
My IT team are all dicks ~ Lone IT guy.
End--User@reddit
I sometimes game with some of them but that is about it. Work is work. It ends once my work day is over.
Having said that I had a cool boss 25 years ago and he is now one of my good friends.
aliensinmylifetime@reddit
Thats not weird, some might consider that ideal. Including me.
Jake_Herr77@reddit
Normal, smaller groups are often tighter, in a two man shop my coworker is one of my kids god fathers. Current IT group is 300, outside of 1 coworker who I’ve had lunch or a beer with , nada outside of working hours.
punklinux@reddit
I have rarely hung out with any workmates outside of work duties, and the few times I did, we just kind of drifted apart shortly after one or both of us left the company. It was a blurred line back in the early 2000s when I did a lot of trade shows and events where I traveled with them, because we also partied together after whatever we did, But outside of that, no.
I remember once, I ran into a guy back when I lived near DC who told me he remembered me from that job, and wondered whatever happened to me after the company fell apart. I told him, and he seemed disappointed that I wasn't exciting or anything. Like, "okay. Cool, man, cool." Later, my GF at the time said "he wanted to connect with you, and you showed no interest. You didn't ask back when he was up to. A bit rude." Maybe, but to be honest, I had no fucking idea who he was.
IB_AM@reddit
Yes, we are close, I try to get everyone to live together and trust each other, so that they feel comfortable with all their colleagues.
Clearseerr@reddit
Just a professional relationship, nothing to close or personal.
Fitz_2112b@reddit
I have a number of colleagues that I am friendly with but very few that I would actually consider a friend that I would want to do anything outside of work with. Not strange at all.
Windows-Helper@reddit
I also normally don't do anything with my colleagues aside from work.
From time to time we have dinner together or go bowling, but that's it (and really not often)
oddeeea@reddit
I prefer to keep everything professional and not have that intimacy. Because it has happened to me that they cross that line and in the end it becomes uncomfortable in the work environment.
Historical_Score_842@reddit
I keep things to my self. You can be friendly with people you work with but you do not have to be friends. Simple as that. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Secure_Quiet_5218@reddit
we come in, do our jobs and leave. During the work day we more or less stick to ourselves but are always helpful. Unlike other departments we don't run our mouths or gossip or act like high schoolers pushing 30+.
eddiekoski@reddit
You guys get a whole department?
abacus_admin@reddit
Our team of 11 does an annual holiday/end of year lunch outside of the random times we eat together when there's catering left over from another group or our Org sponsored Staff events during office hours.
Have never met up socially outside of work hours, but we chat about the "universal struggles" like home projects/bills/illness without getting too specific.
We share hobbys and achievments, bring our kids or pets by occasionally. Check in with each other during wierd times like Covid, recent issues from Helene, etc. And I know that if I was no call/no show for multiple days they'd perform either a personal wellness check on me or call the cops, and not just because I'm hte only one that knows how to do "Job X"! I also wouldn't be opposed to helping them with a chore/errand/lending out a tool if it helps them.
It's the perfect balance of friendly work collegues. but not being intrusive.
Oh and none of us go to after hour staff events in-building or out because we will get asked nothing but IT questions or be expected to troubelshoot why the AV system in an event space isn't working.
lucky77713@reddit
Just leaving a place after 19 years. like a lot of the people but other than Xmas parties I never hung out with any of them. I like to keep work and personal separate.
enbenlen@reddit
Not in IT operations anymore but all 3 of us on the team are autistic and have social anxiety to varying degrees. Makes for an interesting time as auditors. I’d imagine many IT people are similar.
TXGTO@reddit
Sounds about right. I’ve had both good and bad experiences making friends out of co workers. But I approach with extreme caution.
jeffs3rd@reddit
Our team, which includes IT and Development in separate groups, is friendly enough. Some people hang out outside of work, but most don't. I tried to be the guy to get everyone to game together and . . . let's just say that it didn't work out. We had a bunch of different age groups and skill levels that didn't mesh well - some people wanted to be very competitive where others were more casual and it caused a lot of friction.
At this point, work is work and, while I'm still friendly to the people I work with, I'm not going out of my way to be sociable outside of the workplace.
WiccanYN@reddit
I try to make everyone happy and get to know each other a little bit. There are people who resist, but I like that we have a good atmosphere.
nehnehhaidou@reddit
This is actually healthy. People need to remember, always, that your colleagues are not your friends.
turgidbuffalo@reddit
The senior guys on my team (3 out of 6) all live 500 miles from the main office and have known each other since college. For most of my time here, I have been either the only IT guy in the office, or the only competent one.
We finally brought in a help desk guy and a director who work in the office with me back in April, but it was lonely as hell being that disconnected and not knowing what kinds of informal team meetings happened over beers.
shifty_new_user@reddit
I hate everyone else on the IT team here. I try to avoid them at all costs outside of the office.
(I'm a one-man team.)
dieselxindustry@reddit
We had a very close team with high morale, good team work and trust amongst each other. We have some outside work time together but nothing crazy often. But then my company decided we needed a CIO after our new equity partner bought into us. Since then the typical corporate bs has ensued. Heavy push on ITIL and ITSM. Micro management and frequent status meetings and multiple places to update quarterly tasks. Endless buzzwords to obfuscate what’s occurring to the rest of senior leadership. Morale has never been this bad, coworkers are quiet quitting, only going into office the minimum amount of days per week. Ticket times going up. It’s almost funny how bad it’s gotten from where the team was. What we had before was as close to perfect as we could have hoped, what we have now should be a case study for not trying to fix what wasn’t broken.
ARLibertarian@reddit
That seems mid tier.
My last job we'd kid and work hard, long hours, beers on Thursday nights, lunch together.
Current job, if it weren't for me, no one would say squat. Small team OF 3 frequently communicates via text only, AND 2 OF US SHARE AN OFFICE!
kuzared@reddit
What you describe is normal and I would feel weird having it any other way.
One thing I’ve noticed is that many people in IT (myself included) tend to be geeks even outside of IT. What I mean is that we have tend to go deeper into hobbies than the average person.
At work related outings, I’ve often been suprised how few people really have hobbies they’re really into, and people are suprised by how stuff I’ve been into (amd how deep) during my life.
Honestly, I have too much going on outside of work to hang out with coworkers or whatever. There are new tracks I have to practice in iRacing, there are new boardgames to research and play with the wife, there are duplo buildings to be built with my daughter. The Kindle certainly isn’t reading itself, as sure as the Steam library isn’t playing itself. On top of this, I have a closet to put together and a small chest of drawers I’ve been idlly planning on making one of these days.
BastardOPFromHell@reddit
I feel very close to the people on my team while at work. We've spent up to 48 hours together with little sleep during disasters. Struggling together has a way of bringing you together. But I leave work and work friends at work. They wouldn't recognize the home version of me.
chesser45@reddit
We have the occasional beer social after work. Or go putting on the golf course. We’ve done some fall guys and Catan games after work as well.
The team used to be more off hours social during Covid but less so now.
But do what you want and don’t feel shamed or pressured into it. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t like my colleagues and want to go.
LiitleKeyi@reddit
It depends on the person, there are times when it is not coherent to have that kind of closeness and you still have to be professional first and foremost.
x2network@reddit
Sounds nice.. not normal but it does happen.. what is your boss like??
SayNoToStim@reddit
I have never seen any of my co workers outside of work but there are a few that I share hobbies with that I talk to socially at work and have one guy as a steam friend, but we have only talked a few times across that platform.
PwntIndustries@reddit
Almost 10 years ago, I was a new-hire for the Helpdesk team, filling the 6th spot. We all got along well and I was told I had to get a PS4 for online shenanigans. Most of us are now SysAdmins at the same site and keep in touch outside of work. We occasionally have dinner parties, or hangout online on various video games, but we've also included one of our project managers, and one of our interface admins into our group.
NeckRoFeltYa@reddit
That's how it should be. If everyone works well together then you're team is golden. Once you start getting too close with you're personal lives that's when shit gets weird.
I've got one guy on my team and we get along together but stay out of each other's personal business for the most part.
We already see each other enough at work, no need to know anything else.
The_Sad_In_Sysadmin@reddit
Team of 3, including the manager. We're pretty spread out geographically. Really cool guys, but we rarely speak aside from our biweekly team meeting, which gets cancelled 1/3 of the time. I take care of my sites and they take care of theirs. Living the dream.
airinato@reddit
I've got an acquaintance I've worked with a decade. He got me my next job in another town after our first workplace became toxic, I left first. I've been to his house once, he's been to my once.
We don't even consider each other friends.
Booshur@reddit
I've had this thought about our team. We are the same. I'm not positive I'd get along with all of them. But there are a couple people on my team who I know I'd click with as friends. But we never really go much farther than work friends. I think it's an IT worker thing.
wrootlt@reddit
More or less the same. But it is less because most of my team is on the other side of the globe. I am not very outgoing, so i can tolerate occasional how was your weekend, but i shut off any deeper investigations by giving very broad answers. Not that i get that many of such questions.
On my previous job we were a bit closer. It was a very small org of 200 or less people and IT was usually around 3-5. We also had one lady for a while. Sometimes we would all go out to a bowling ally, play some pool, have a few beers. Sometimes activity outdoors (like orientation with maps and stuff, climbing park). Cart racing a few times. There was a phase there i was a lot into board games, so we would have pizzas and play once a week after work.
It was nice, but i am not seeking this at my current job. It is different and i prefer it like that at this place.
Passey92@reddit
I'm a team of me, so we get on fairly well at the moment
signal_empath@reddit
Team of 6 at work and we all get on pretty well. I likely would not hang out with them outside of work though. Honestly, I think most of them rarely leave their tech bubbles at home, which is not really my style.
MunchyMcCrunchy@reddit
Some departments within a company are always ripe with young single people which tends to lead to more social interaction. As you get older and have a family, you want to do your job and GTFO. I like my coworkers and the company, but my time with them is limited to the hours I am being paid.
PrincipleExciting457@reddit
I’ve worked places where we did happy hours, I’ve worked places no one has talked to each other, I’m currently working somewhere that we meme like no other in our group chat, but I couldn’t tell you anything about anyone.
I’m still in contact with a few people at old jobs that have since retired. They know a lot about my life and I know a lot about theirs.
It’s different everywhere. I’d say the weirdest place was the one where no one talked at all.
TheAnniCake@reddit
Inside my team we talk about private stuff and plan an evening together every few month in our private time. I really like the guys and feel appreciated as the youngest person and the only woman on that team!
Rijkstraa@reddit
Mostly professional, I know a number of the guys game together outside of work, and me and another dude talk about life and stuff.
BadSausageFactory@reddit
remember how you acted during the interview? yeah keep acting like that until you retire.
BadSausageFactory@reddit
I work alone but I still manage to have the personal drama of a fully staffed department
Zncon@reddit
Totally friendly with everyone in the department, but I don't need more friends.
PurpleFlerpy@reddit
We're comfy, but a lot of that is shared hobbies. It's really nice to be able to come in on Monday morning talking about video game achievements from the weekend and have them know what I'm talking about and how hard it was to accomplish.
Humble-Plankton2217@reddit
In 25 years I've worked places where people mesh and become friends even outside of work, and I've also worked at places where there is zero personal relationship and the only talking is about work.
The older I get, the less interested I am in making "work friends". I just want to do my job and go home to spend time with my family and "life friends".
SamuelVimesTrained@reddit
IT in my office? Just me. As for team, international, and not having met most, we are as close as can be… But, a team meeting is “too costly”.. so chances are slim we will ever meet
madknives23@reddit
Work is work and personal life is personal, our department doesn’t socialize either. We prefer it that way, it makes the tough conversations easier to have when you’re not friends.
TreesFairy@reddit
I have the same opinion as you. Many people at work wants to be a family and that's fine but I prefer things like you said.
BloodFeastMan@reddit
Sadly, the cliche of IT being nerdy shut-ins is truer than most of us would like to admit. I do make a habit of taking the guys in our little niche out for a beer once or twice a week after work, and it's fun and we socialize for a little while, and then we go home. We're not salesmen or project managers, and most IT does not have that gene.
candyforlunch@reddit
immediate office area is ~8 people, team of ~20
we talk about everything under the sun and i'd have it no other way :)
i_accidentally_the_x@reddit
I wouldn’t socialize if I could choose. That’s what I have real friends for (the few and close I have). I like it that way because there’s just no chance of drama then, and you NEVER know who’s suddenly in a different role and know about what you did in high school…
Strange_Compote_2951@reddit
I’m very close with myself
K2SOJR@reddit
IT is full of introverts. Even if they are social introverts at work, they still prefer to go home and be a recluse. So I think it is prefecture normal that your department doesn't get together to hang out.
Stosstrupphase@reddit
Small team here (we are critically understaffed) my boss, me, my assistant, and one Infosec person. I am close to the infosec person since she is my partner (and has been for way longer than we work here). Not friends with the others, but we get along. Sometimes I bump into my assistant off work (we both volunteer occasionally to guard the local synagogue).
DDHoward@reddit
Some of my old coworkers and I once spent a Saturday hiking to a local landmark (called "Strawberry Rock"), climbed said rock, and then got naked and chilled up there for an hour just enjoying nature.
Yeah, we were close.
evantom34@reddit
My first job, we were tight like invite to weddings tight. We went to happy hours and hung out. In my current job, my coworkers are old and in completely different phases of life, we talk and socialize, but we don’t hangout outside of work.
GoodAtNothingReally@reddit
Alone at an onshore rig. Though in contact with HQ.
roboto404@reddit
Got pretty close to my manager a year into my job. Had a couple beers outside of work from time to time. It didn’t end well because he unexpectedly passed away and that shit was pretty rough for me personally and professionally. Miss the guy as a manager and as a friend.
TechnicalCoyote3341@reddit
We're pretty good in my dept. We don't share all our personal lives, but some stuff we do with select others and it's always been an experience of understanding.
Outside of that we're happy to crack jokes against each other - have a laugh - but we've *always* got each others backs. There isn't a single instance of being thrown under the bus - we all make it quite difficult because we'll all put our hands up and say "Yeah, that was me - I did that. My bad, sorry".
A good work ethic, good moral balance, team loyalty, intergrity and comradery is how I'd describe our dept.
That said, we're not share all best friends by any definition - but it sure feels like it sometimes.
C64Gyro@reddit
IT folks are normally imtroverts including myself. All three of us share a large office, each with our own personal corner. We don't delve deep into personal lives, maybe a few comments here and there.
utvols22champs@reddit
I have a small department. I’m the department manager and I have two sysadmins. I’m friends with both. One is a contractor, we just got back from South America a few months ago. My other sysadmin and I hang out occasionally. There’s zero drama in our department and I’m very grateful for our little team. We’re also good at what we do.
slayermcb@reddit
I'm pretty close to myself, but to be honest, I think I'm an asshole and could be getting a lot more done, but after work hours, I really get along well.
Dont-take-seriously@reddit
Totally normal. We do have social events but I tend to cringe every time and find excuses. We do, however, ask about our families and such during the day and in meetings, and we love working with each other. BTW, we also have 9 people.
MalwareDork@reddit
I don't even think any of my coworkers know my last name outside of HR and my supervisor.
Any-Gap-8987@reddit
We are an IT Department of 3 (local government) and we are very tight. I think of my department as family. I know that this can sometimes cause issues, but I don't care. We have formed close relationships that help us through tough times (personal and professional) and I wouldn't want it any other way. I do think that this is uncommon in most IT Departments, however. At least in the ones I have exposure to. There is no "right way" just the way that works for you.
8923ns671@reddit
Sounds perfect to me. Currently dealing with office politics i.e. grown men and women acting like teenagers.
FarJeweler9798@reddit
All of our department works on different cities and continents so can't really hangout. I have thou other IT departments worker at the same office as I am so we have once a year small party at someone's house where we taste beers/whisky or something else.
I do travel a lot to different departments offices so usually I get the invites for their parties or when I'm on another city I have friends or acquaintances on those cities that I hang out (usually including drinking and a hangover)
p8ntballnxj@reddit
Our team (5 in this location plus a few outside our team that works with us) gets along well. We will go out for lunch if we are not all eating together in our war room. If we are in the middle of a shit storm, our manager will toss us his credit card and tell us to order whatever for lunch.
Outside of work, we did go to a MLB game once but that's about it.
Threep1337@reddit
Totally normal I’d say, I’m friendly with my co workers but for the most part I know almost nothing about their personal lives, and they know nothing about mine. At work I’d rather just keep it light or talk about the latest tech news etc.
thaneliness@reddit
Team of one so pretty damn close
snijboon@reddit
Im the it departement:p
tvangeste@reddit
There are 2 other technicians with me in our open office. in years past things have been rocky, and some of us don't see eye to eye. Oddly enough, the two newest who have stuck around all sync up pretty good. We have a ton of hobbies alike, and all get along really well. We've hung out, and enjoy each others company.
When it comes down to it, it can be hit or miss I guess. Previous to the last 4 years, the office has never really been "close", but take others out, and add two whose personalities are close, and we all have a pretty good time.
OtherMiniarts@reddit
The IT team tends to have the most ~~autistic~~ reserved group socially, and there's nothing wrong with having a fine line between work and personal lives. Your work is not your family and there's no reason to treat it as such.
My team plays the occasional Magic game and that's about it. Other than that, we don't have each others' personal cell numbers or anything.
ReindeerThick1862@reddit
I just meet with 1-2 people from my department outside of the business. We only meet up to drink beer and talk about stuff. Kinda fun.
jstar77@reddit
What you describe is a very healthy office environment. This is very normal especially as you grow into higher level positions. As you get older life tends to get more compartmentalized, friendships start to become contextually based and fade once that context no longer exists. Bob may be my ride or die at work but bob and I have no relationship outside of work. There is also the concern that you may move into a position where your former peers now report to you. As a supervisor you should always be friendly to your employees but you shouldn't be friends, things can get tough with preexisting relationships. As a supervisor, except for the very rare exception, I never attend non work sponsored social functions with my direct reports and for the most part no one wants the boss around for those kinds of things anyway.
whatsforsupa@reddit
I worked in office with the guy that I replaced, and we became VERY close over a year or so. Now the rest of my team is remote, and while we talk all the time, it's just not the same.
WFH is awesome, but it is extremely difficult to build a culture with it, in my opinion.
Some people just show up and do work, but I enjoy building relationships, it's a double edged sword.
Candy_Badger@reddit
We have a friendly team at work, but I wouldn't say we are friends outside. I have life outside of my work.
DiskLow1903@reddit
My last job, we were pretty close socially. We’d have company happy hours/events, we’d arrange our own happy hours or get togethers. I still game with a few of them in my free time.
I left that job and got my current one about a year and a half ago, I have spent 0 time outside of the office with them, and have had a grand total of 1 conversation with any of my current team outside of working hours.
I didn’t run into “office politics” in either environment
Icemagic@reddit
I work in a team of 3. Me a coworker and our team lead who used to be a coworker on our level when we were a team of 5.
We work with 3 other hospitals locally and their 2 techs and site lead. One of the ambulatory (my team) techs went inpatient but we still talk.
I treat my site lead/manager like a “work dad” as in it goes like this:
Me: I’m trying to redo this room in my house SL: I did that at my last house (proceeds to tell a story about it) then gives advice the. It goes done a rabbit hole for looking for tools to random tech news
Me and my manager also look up scripts/ways to automate aspects of our job and see who can do it better.
Usually send pictures of projects and family/kids on weekends. Even kept in touch when I left the job for a few months.
Also we are currently helping my other coworker house shop as we have both bough houses before and it’s his first.
We spend a some downtime each day going over Zillow/red fin houses.
BlueHatBrit@reddit
If we go back in time 50 years, it was pretty common to get into a job and stay there for a decade or more. That also meant you were looking for career progression in a much smaller space. I think these two things made it much more likely that you'd get closer with your colleagues, and would get to know their families and such.
These days, people move jobs ever 2-4 years in IT (if I'm remembering the stats right). Promotions aren't often based on how much my bosses spouse likes me, and such. So relationships don't get as long to form, and there's no advantage to it in a work setting.
I'm pretty friendly with my colleagues, and I know a fair bit about their families and backgrounds. But I'm in a small startup and there's only 7 of us, and almost everything I do involves one of those 7 people (or more). As a result I'm probably closer to this group of people than colleagues at my previous firm (3,000+ people in total).
Like anything, there's going to be a broad range across companies, teams, and individuals. It's definetely possible to find an IT team where people are really close, but that's not something I look for when searching for a job.
STGItsMe@reddit
If you’re being paid to spend time with someone they’re not your friend. I get my social needs met when I’m not working.
_BoNgRiPPeR_420@reddit
Most of my coworkers are twice my age and near retirement. I've gone for a beer with a few of them and we've hung out after work, but it's not a regular thing.
I like to keep my social life separate from my work life most of the time, unless I have a lot in common with a coworker.
Dizzy_Bridge_794@reddit
The CEO told me to take my staff out at least once a quarter on the companies expense. I think it’s helped. In my previous jobs we joked, had a great department relationship and did zero stuff outside of general work.
seanpmassey@reddit
Not weird at all. In fact, I would say most IT teams I've been on have been that way to some degree. There are exceptions - my last job was with a software company on a global presales team, and that groups still keeps in touch and chats on a social media app (kinda hard to get together in person being a global team...). And one of the teams I used to work on about a decade ago used to get together for dinner once in a while, especially as a few of us moved onto new roles and companies.
For the most part, personal matters generally aren't discussed in the office. Things like marriage, relationships, and ESPECIALLY religion aren't considered professional and could cause more issues in the office.
mistercartmenes@reddit
Not weird. I’m friendly with everyone but am not friends with anyone. I like to keep my work and personal life separate.
sobrique@reddit
We'll go out for a meal at lunchtimes, and a pint after work occasionally.
But otherwise ... nah.
Company socials are broadly well attended, but that's because they're actually pretty good events rather than because we're particularly there to do a bit of team bonding.
Mostly friendly in the office though, and will occasionally bounce information off each other out of hours and when relevant. (E.g. not often, but sometimes 'being on call' blurs the lines a bit)
landob@reddit
We play D&D together.
TehZiiM@reddit
Same thing with us. Although I sometimes meet up after work for some event but not like, hang out on the weekends.
Reinmeika@reddit
That’s pretty normal, and should be the standard imo. I’ve been a part of teams where they would try to schedule things outside of working hours fairly frequently, and as an extremely introverted person, that’s exhausting, if not anxiety inducing.
Further, I think there’s enough issues with work/life balance in IT that I can’t really justify asking people to spend extra time socializing just because some people on the team want it.
The challenge has been in managing a team, where folks like yourself prefer that camaraderie and deeper interpersonal connection and trying to balance that with those, like me, who want to keep work as work. I think there’s benefits to both sides, but usually the majority wins out, plus being WFH doesn’t help that. We all want to get in and get out, for the most part.
OhMyGodzirra@reddit
you don't have to make friends with your co-workers outside of the office lol. every time i do, it's always about work related shit and i just want to walk away and go home or something.
my social life and hobbies are spoken of in some cases, but in most. i keep my work and life balance separate.
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
I currently work in a remote office where I am the only IT person. It gets kind of lonely at times, most people only talk to me when their shit is broken. When I did have a job where I was on a team of 6 we might go to lunch together from time to time but that was about it. We all had long commutes to work and we just wanted to go home. We knew enough about each others personal life but its not like we hung out after work or on weekends.
First-Structure-2407@reddit
Married 2
mauro_oruam@reddit
Some times it’s best to keep things professional. Divide your personal from your work life…
Single_Dealer_Metal@reddit
I spend all day with them, I don't particularly want to spend my time, they are colleagues - not my friends
Mostly__Relevant@reddit
I work with 1 guy locally and we are pretty close. We talk about everything except politics lol the rest of my team is scattered across the US
brownhotdogwater@reddit
I spend 40 hours a week with these people. I am friendly and we chat. But I spend 40 hours with them every week. I don’t need to see them outside of that.
Rocknbob69@reddit
I don't interact with any coworkers outside of work and I never will. They don't pay me to socialize and kiss ass.
bgatesIT@reddit
Normal.
I dont really talk to my colleagues outside of work, ill do a quick hey how was your weekend or any fun plans coming up if its a long weekend but thats about it - truth at the end of the day i just dont care, im here to do my job not be your buddy nor do i have interest in it, im not a people person in the slightest.
We get along well for the most part, sometimes we butt heads on how things should go out, or contracting X work vs doing internally but its negligible, have a good on-call rotation and good business backing for the most part which is really what matters.
IT_Muso@reddit
I wouldn't worry, same with me and my team. We get on really well, and I try and support them, and their mental health as best I can - but work is work at the end of the day and whilst my team are brilliant, I don't want to, and it's not professional to socialise with them.
We all get invited to the office socials, and I'm not interested in going, they rarely go either. IT staff tend to have different personalities to the rest of the business, we just want to work, fix things, then do our own thing.
Don't worry about it. Frankly the idea of an office social is my idea of hell these days, used to enjoy a load of drinks, these days doesn't interest me at all. I've got my own life outside of work, as have others that work with me.
ruyrybeyro@reddit
I'd say it's pretty standard, mate. Same with my lot too.
Those team outings – God save me from all that team-building rubbish – absolute bollocks. But we’re always up for a cheeky bite out... though maybe a bit less since Covid, trying to stay on the healthy side, you know?
But yeah, sounds like you've got a decent setup going on there.
tankerkiller125real@reddit
I started taking my laptop to the annual team outing, I get work done while they do the stupid meeting portions of the whole thing and what not. And then when we get to the actual fun stuff (Bowling, Axe Throwing, Murder Mystery, Eclipse Viewing, etc.) I'll close the laptop enjoy those things, and then go home.
CeC-P@reddit
My last job it was pure chaos and someone quit about once every 2 weeks. They were the worst, unemployable elsewhere group of unprofessional mental patients I've ever worked with. At the current job, we're vibin.
flatulating_ninja@reddit
In a company of about 250 people and and IT dept of six I hang out with non of them because I am the only IT person in North America supporting half our employees, the rest are in the UK and EU. All the other depts hang out together all the time.
canadian_sysadmin@reddit
Generally speaking, that all sounds pretty normal.
I've worked in similar teams - all pretty friendly with each other, but we don't tend to do stuff outside of work together.
A couple people will and do, but most don't.
I've become good friends with some ex-colleagues, but typically after one of us has left the current company.
As a manager I also have to maintain a bit of professional distance from my team members. Not to say I can't be friendly and personable, but I would be hesitant to go for dinner or something at their place, or go hang out with them and their spouse on a weekend. We might go grab some drinks after a company event, but that's about it.
Every manager will be a bit different here, too.
But what you're describing seems fairly normal overall.
tankerkiller125real@reddit
I work in a very tech based small company, everything you've described on the IT side is normal for the entire company with the small exception for sales and marketing. Sales and marketing are the only people that go out for drinks and hang out in a personal sense. Everyone else in the company comes to work, chats, jokes, etc. and then goes home.
I'd say your experience is extremely normal.
tacotacotacorock@reddit
It's a culture thing and sometimes personality. I've gone boating, shooting, to the bar and other various activities with team members. Some other teams I've been on are exactly like you described. Also a lot of tech people especially the engineers I've dealt with can be neurodivergent, absolutely not everyone though but that's usually at least a couple if the team is big enough. That's where the personality part ties in. As long as there's still a good bond and commitment to each other and everyone's helping each other out I don't really see an issue one way or the other. Also trying to force it out of certain people is asinine, can't change personalities and if that's a big enough concern you should be filtering that in your interviews.
Murhawk013@reddit
We’re dysfunctional at best.
NobodyJustBrad@reddit
One might think you don't have any of the in-fighting because you don't know each other that much on a personal basis, which is where most reasons to not get along with someone lie.
uptimefordays@reddit
Not abnormal, the field draws introverts and many of people who work together will just talk about work outside of work which isn’t great for work life balance.
phjils@reddit
We're friendly enough, but we don't contact each-other outside of business hours, unless is an emergency and work related. That would be awful.
Rawme9@reddit
Normal, been that way with all of my IT coworkers aside from the one that I was friends with outside of work before we were coworkers.
IT is computer work, which doesn't tend to attract the most outgoing types. That's not a problem, but it is a thing to be aware of