Spiraling over what to do next (vent)
Posted by Upper_Skin_6762@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 11 comments
I (American, 24F), moved to France two years ago as an au pair. I’m currently in language classes and should have a B2 by the end of the year according to the structure of the program. I had always thought that I would earn my masters in communications here, hopefully find a job that meets the salary requirements after, and that would be it.
However, I’ve been debating going home. I really don’t want to, but the fear of becoming even more attached to this country and having to eventually leave if I can’t find meaningful work in a few years makes me wonder if I should just leave now before it gets worse. I have this nagging feeling that if I leave, I will ultimately never come back. I’ve always been interested in marketing, but my bachelors degree makes me ineligible to study it here. I’ve been considering pursuing MiM programs (probably none of the super prestigious ones like HEC or ESSEC), but I worry that I will be too old (26) by the time I start, considering that MiM’s are usually for people who are only a couple of years out of school. I’d have to go back stateside for a time to focus on making money and studying for the GMAT. If I manage to get into any of them, I’d also most likely have to take out a loan in the event I’m ineligible for any scholarships, alternance, etc. from where I am accepted. There are also very few lenders that offer loans for American students studying in France as I’m finding out, so it isn’t much consolation. In the event I’m not accepted anywhere, one year away from France will turn into two as I regroup and try the university route again. I’d be living with my parents in their very small town in the meantime. I’m not looking forward to reverse-culture shock at all.
I wonder if living in France, as happy as I am here and have been since the beginning, may just be one of those good things that has to come to an end for me, it’s just a matter of when. I suppose I could always fall in love here, or get really lucky with a job, but I can’t bet on those things. Has anyone else been in this situation, in France or otherwise? What did you do? Should I try to shoot for something a bit more profitable with more name recognition by doing an MiM even if it means going home for a while, or stick with my original plan of staying here until I potentially run out of options? If anyone has any words of support or anecdotes, I’d really appreciate them.
Thank you for reading.
One_Cloud_9526@reddit
You seem very focused on getting a degree. I wish I would not have wasted 5 years trying to get a degree (I got it but would 've scored my current job without it). I could have earned a lot of money during that time. Just study the language and then get a job for which you don't necessarily need a degree. Bus driver, B2B sales, whatever.
Upper_Skin_6762@reddit (OP)
I appreciate your comment, but I am a non-EU citizen in France. I can’t just get hired. A masters would allow me to get a visa that would let me search for a job if it meets certain requirements, but I doubt this would be feasible considering my background and what I’d be eligible to study
starryeyesmaia@reddit
I started out in France as an English teaching assistant and during my second year was applying to a master’s to try to stay past my time as an assistant. It was a long shot (given my bachelor’s was not in the same field) but I had taken steps already to try and maximize my chances (certificate in the field during my undergrad, online grad courses in the field for the year up to when I applied).
I also had backup plans (pretty much all around returning to the US and taking steps that would reopen doors in France) because I knew there was no certainty that I would get in. Even during my master’s, I had backup plans in case I couldn’t get a job in my field in the year after graduation (my master’s is in CS, but the job market wasn’t great so my backups were PhD or passing the CAFEP to teach English in private schools).
All that to say — if you know you want to stay, try everything and put yourself in a position to have multiple options if one doesn’t work out. I started my master’s at 26 and while it’s not necessarily easy to do, it doesn’t make staying impossible. Staying is dependent on luck, determination, persistence, timing, and a whole lot of factors. It’s always worth trying if you have a path and maybe it won’t work out, but better to have tried than to be left with regrets.
Upper_Skin_6762@reddit (OP)
Hi, thank you for sharing your experience and for your support. I always enjoy your comments and find them quite helpful. When you did your masters, were you considered in formation initial or formation continue? I suppose it depends on the program, but I am currently already in France on a student visa for French lessons and will be when I apply to masters programs as well. Would having received a DU in the last mean that my studies were not interrupted?
starryeyesmaia@reddit
Not a clue. Wasn’t something I remember ever having to select at any point. This is a question for the university, as I’ve heard a variety of opinions on what counts as what.
Upper_Skin_6762@reddit (OP)
Thanks, I have emailed a few to different ones to check. I would think that since I am on a student cds for a university course and am unable to work full-time because of this that this would place me in initiale, but we shall see.
parraweenquean@reddit
Moving back to the small town in your home country can be very limiting for your long term career. Some people LOVE it after being gone, but if you’re not homesick and a simple life isn’t calling you back, see how far you can get in France. You’re right, life happens and you may not get the opportunity to go back to France.
The entire world feels very small in small towns, that’s something I love about being abroad. It connects you to something much bigger.
Shoot for the stars, you never know where you’ll end up :)
blueberries-Any-kind@reddit
I do think you’re overthinking this a bit, but I get it- I go through these worries also.
I don’t know if you can afford it, but I know in Greece and in Spain language schools can often sponsor a student visa if need be.
There is also the route of digital nomad Visa through American online work. Does France offer one of those?
I will say, moving abroad permanently is a lot of work, especially with europe, And most people I know have had to take a few trips back to the US briefly before they return permanently The interesting option is though, you don’t have to return to the US as long as you can sort out disposable income. You can go to the UK or another non Schengen country in the interim if you do get reset to a simple tourist visa.
And unless you are someone who is against marriage, I also don’t think it’s too crazy to think you may meet marry in the next 3 to 5 years (so between the ages of 27 and 29).
I do think it would be important to get your level of the language up to a C2.
starryeyesmaia@reddit
It does not.
greasemonk3@reddit
How bad would you regret leaving France now without at least trying to find a job there first?
If you go back to the U.S. asap and begin working or studying, will you find yourself still thinking “ugh, I should have stayed there longer and given it a shot” 5 or 10 years from now?
The U.S. is always there as the safe fall back option to return to and find work. To me life should be treated as an adventure (within reason) and it seems like you’re not quite done with this one yet. You’re still very young and have lots of life ahead of you so make the most of it.
I had a similar crossroads experience living here in Spain, I moved here when I was 24 and have been here about 9 years now. In my crossroads experience I knew in my gut I was very ready for the next chapter as I felt I was done with the English teaching program I was in. Ended up staying and getting permanent residency, work a corporate job here and am even getting married here next year.
Captlard@reddit
Perhaps you are overthinking all of this. Why worry about hypotheticals and enjoy being more in the moment and short term. Life is a series of phases and nothing is / needs to be permanent. Give what you are doing now your best shot!