What is an obscure yet badass federal agency?
Posted by PhysicsEagle@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 343 comments
I’m thinking along the lines of the US Postal Inspection Service (oldest law enforcement agency in the county, has jurisdiction over any crime involving the mail). Any other particularly obscure yet totally badass agencies? I was thinking mainly law enforcement, but others too.
HowLittleIKnow@reddit
The National Nuclear Security Administration is high on the list of agencies you don’t want to fuck around with.
Jfinn2@reddit
Dream job as far as armed security / military work goes. Walk around kitted out doing absolutely nothing, and if you ever need to fight it’s to save the world
Giraff3sAreFake@reddit
I know a guy who's entire job is sitting in a bunker for days at a time waiting to press the button to launch the missles
"Death wears bunny slippers" is a genuine saying in those circles becauee they sit in basketball shorts, t shirt, and slippers for their entire shift.
Administrative-Flan9@reddit
I find it hard to believe they're not in inform.
Giraff3sAreFake@reddit
Why would they be? No one sees them and they sit on a chair on rails for 7 hours a day
Eodbatman@reddit
If you visit the decommissioned nuclear command bunker in Wyoming, which is now a State park, you’ll hear about how back in the day, the missilliers who worked there wanted a way to get out of the bunker in case of direct strikes. So they dug a tunnel from the bunker to the surface, which exited into the unguarded parking lot. They realized this was a security hazard so they filled it with sand, and afterwards I guess it was customary to give the commander of each shift glass cutters in case of direct strike.
loganbull@reddit
Sorry to tell you but almost all nuclear silos had escape hatches filled with sand. The sand would resist a blast but flow out if the escape hatch was opened
Eodbatman@reddit
The joke is that after a direct hit, the sand would be glass. I’m recommending a specific silo because it’s open to the public and has guided tours. I don’t know if you’ve been in one of these, but there’s not enough room in the command capsule to hold the sand anyway, the people on watch would not really be able to get out. Not that they’d likely survive a direct hit anyway.
Figgler@reddit
My stepdad told me about his state trooper buddy that pulled over a nuclear payload not realizing what it was. Apparently multiple black Tahoe’s showed up within a minute and his job was threatened for making them stop during transport.
Highlifetallboy@reddit
That didn't happen the way you described. That's not how they travel.
Figgler@reddit
In an 18 wheeler is what I was told, with escorts far in front and behind.
geauxhike@reddit
I've seen them, the 18 wheelers are distinct, and they are heavily escorted. No way a state trooper pulled one over or that they stopped.
Cr4nkY4nk3r@reddit
https://youtu.be/bp5nbA_rFYg?t=93
Perhaps not black Tahoes. The escort vehicles shown in the video ranged from "work" style vans to a regular pickup truck.
iamcarlgauss@reddit
It's not just the black Tahoes, it's the fact that the driver is 100% not going to stop for a state trooper. These moves get coordinated with law enforcement. They would just call and tell the trooper to stand down. If stopping is actually a national security risk, they're not going to do it in the first place.
mvuanzuri@reddit
This is correct. Source: a very close friend has been involved with these transports. These are coordinated ahead of time and they would not be stopping for a trooper who happened to be out of the loop.
Diggitygiggitycea@reddit
This was 100% a story a bored trooper made up.
OGLikeablefellow@reddit
Or it just wasn't nuclear related and that's just what the trooper thought it was
Maltedmilksteak@reddit
i cant believe this is public information honestly
foolproofphilosophy@reddit
Police agencies of all kinds turn confiscated vehicles into undercover LE vehicles. That part isn’t exactly secret. What’s crazy to me is that I used to work near a federal reserve office and semi trucks with the logos of armored car companies on them would come and go. I have no idea what was in them or why they would want to advertise. I assume that they were filled with shredded bills on their way to be de disposed of but it still seemed strange.
I_Keep_Trying@reddit
Maybe that’s why they threatened to fire him, he did something he wasn’t supposed to.
Religion_Of_Speed@reddit
I'm also going to doubt that, without prior warning or external marking, that the person's job was threatened. If there's no way of knowing what that secret truck is doing then they can't expect a cop to just read their minds, that would be unreasonable and people who transport nuclear payloads aren't usually that reasonable. Now if he refused to believe them and held them up more than needed sure, that makes sense.
mvuanzuri@reddit
They must have, since these transports are coordinated with local law enforcement, are huge, slow-moving convoys, and would absolutely not stop for a trooper who may have been out of the loop somehow.
LadyTrucker23@reddit
It is coordinated with law enforcement. They do not necessarily travel in convoys, however vehicle descriptions and license plate information are provided.
huruga@reddit
Assuming it happened I would say the officer wasn’t responding to their radio or the escort couldn’t get in contact with their dispatcher fast enough. Depending on which it was the escorts may have slight alarm bells going off as they’re pulling up. Could also just be government cocksuckers on a power trip. Sometimes people are just itching to throw their barely existent weight around.
I’ve never done nuclear transport but I do have some experience with low profile escorts. Depending on how low profile you want to get your escorts in direct line of sight with the transport will be normal civi vics and you’ll have more obvious government vehicles pulling up the rear and far enough back to not be obviously associated with the transport. Civi cars blow by as the truck gets pulled over and gov vics pull up on scene if the stop isn’t deterred first. Also the person driving the transport may also not actually know what they are moving and may not even be aware they have an escort. So they may not even be credentialed and may have no way of explaining the situation to an officer. Even if they did know they probably should stfu and not mention it anyway.
All this to say it may seem unlikely but it isn’t impossible.
Gilthwixt@reddit
I mean. After seeing a video like this I could totally imagine feds beefing with the local guy and vice versa if both sides drew guns and refused to back down. If the vehicles were unmarked and they were all in plainclothes the trooper gets thrown under the bus for rightfully not trusting a bunch of armed unknowns. Sounds like a recipe for a shitshow IMO.
Ok-Search4274@reddit
“Is the pool of water containing the nuclear waste safe to swim in?” “No it’s deadly.” “High radiation?” “You would be shot dead before you got into it.”
Dadebayo84@reddit
Thats wild!
TweeksTurbos@reddit
Those nest teams. They do things.
FigWhisperer@reddit
They are the only organization that is allowed to shoot without warning.
68OldsF85@reddit
Almost all Federal Commissions have ridiculous amounts of power. FEC, SEC, FTC, FCC, etc.
Not exactly obscure, but most of these Commissions have 5 or 6 members, are not directly accountable to the executive branch, and wield enormous power.
Cr4nkY4nk3r@reddit
Some of those are scary, but the South Eastern Conference? Naw. /s
BigfootForPresident@reddit
The Southeastern Conference might be the most scary out of all of those.
AlmostHuman0x1@reddit
I hear they employ elephants, tigers, alligators, dogs, and have their own navy. 😀
ZachMatthews@reddit
Department of Energy might as well be called the Department of Secrets.
Red_Beard_Rising@reddit
I'm OK with that. They need those to stay secret. If you or I know, for sure our enemies knew a while ago.
AmateurishExpertise@reddit
My advice as someone who has dealt with this specific community for a long time: don't be. You have no idea how much truly dangerous to democracy behavior begins to go on when you put an agency out there with an earth-shatteringly important mission, all the funding they can eat, and no/inadequate oversight. That agency immediately becomes the dark corner that all the cockroaches scramble towards.
Undispjuted@reddit
Relative worked with this agency. Taught us from toddling age that the government is not your friend and to learn how to use the system and live without it if needed.
AmateurishExpertise@reddit
I think that's what came as such a shock to me. I came up in the height of the 80s, attending public schools that were "civics magnates", where I was taught extensively about our professed values and their importance and reliability. What a shock to discover that, to our leaders, it's a lot of propaganda with no meaning behind it.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
The DOE is an interesting case.
They do a lot to serve the public, especially with ensuring electricity and fuel supply. Just this week they’ve publishing preparations they’ve been undertaking as a response to the hurricanes.
Then on the other side of the agency you have all nukes. Yes, the explodey kind.
TheShadowKick@reddit
Makes sense. Nukes are the most concentrated form of energy we have.
RootsRockRebel66@reddit
I'm guessing you haven't been to a Taylor Swift concert, eh?
Zhuul@reddit
PirateSoftware did pen tests for the DOE for a while and some of the stories he has from that are nuts. Literally flew him around the country on a day’s notice so he can hack into nuclear power plants while wearing a two piece suit.
Gig apparently paid something like 200k/yr but wasn’t worth it.
pterencephalon@reddit
DOE is such a wild mix.
They also have all the super computers, so my PhD was funded by a DOE fellowship for high-performance computing. It also required an internship at a DOE national lab, which I did in a physics group, and did simulations of satellite tracking with astronomy algorithms.
At this point I could be convinced that DOE performs some of every government and research function.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
DOE runs most of the national laboratories, and is basically the government's collection of scientists and engineers.
The sheer amount of stuff they do is really impressive.
Se7en_speed@reddit
Every time some stupid politician suggested getting rid of the DOE I really know they do not have the slightest clue what they are talking about
nbattaglia@reddit
I’ve had the opportunity to work with some of the national labs. Those guys (and gals) have got some super interesting stuff.
cohrt@reddit
And everything nuke related in the navy.
Bacontoad@reddit
Apparently their sniper teams routinely out-compete Navy SEALs.
thedeepfake@reddit
SEALs are not at the top of the mountain to begin with, they always get smoked by Army units at any kind of competition that doesn’t involve saltwater.
KommandCBZhi@reddit
That is what happens when they recruit the best snipers from across the military and law enforcement.
HurlingFruit@reddit
They own the nuclear warheads iirc.
almondshea@reddit
How does that work? DoE owns them, but the USAF and USN actually operates them?
MajorKirrahe@reddit
The DoE has a hand in pretty much every stage of nukes in their lifecycle as a member of the Nuclear Weapons Council (NWC) and other areas, from development, to fielding, to sustainment, and eventually retirement/decommissioning.
You can actually find a buttload of information on the public domain about US nuclear weapons. The Office of the Assistant Secretary of Defense for Nuclear Matters publishes and updated version of the Nuclear Matters Handbook every few years, which you can find here: https://www.acq.osd.mil/ncbdp/nm/NMHB2020rev/index.html
HurlingFruit@reddit
I'm talking off the top of my head and my memory ain't what it used to be. I remember reading long, long ago that DoE controlled the warheads similar to how they control nuclear power plants.
nildecaf@reddit
DOE also includes Naval Reactors which builds, maintains the operating instructor for and decommissions all the reactors for the Navy.
HazyAttorney@reddit
My favorite political story is how Rick Perry wanted to ban them because he thought they were just putting in red tape for oil to being in their favor after being in charge of them. I think he even got them a budget increase for science.
mfranko88@reddit
I remember early last year when the Dept of Energy released a report about their assessment on covid's origins. And a ton of people online collectively responded "What does the Department of Energy know about epidemiology?"
The DoE is badass, they have their fingers in so many intelligence pies. They absolutely have the grounds and the means to make that type of assessment.
Funwithfun14@reddit
Curious what their assessment was.
Freyas_Follower@reddit
One of my friends worked security in a Department of energy control building. If the stepped inside the control room itself, it was an instant $1 million fine.
papercranium@reddit
Yeah, I used to live not too far from Los Alamos. Town is creepy as heck.
reddit1651@reddit
it’s too clean!!! it feels like a movie set or something lol
urmyheartBeatStopR@reddit
They fund the nuclear fusion programs no?
Matchboxx@reddit
I was actually initially unimpressed with USPIS when I first reported that my package had been opened and contents stolen prior to me receiving it. The call taker didn’t seem to care and no one followed up.
Anyway, 18 months later, I’m testifying against my mail carrier in federal court.
emarieqt315@reddit
Did anyone else ever watch that CBS kid’s show, The Inspectors, about the USPIS?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Inspectors
DNKE11A@reddit
So it actually filmed in my hometown area, funny enough. Got to meet the folks that worked on it, and generally speaking, they were wonderful. Kinda sad story of how they ended up there though, if I can bend your ear a bit (this is my understanding, I am not a perfect vessel of memory nor am I taking the time to fact check everything again, fight me).
With the tech advances of filming, California has lost its death grip on the industry. People don't need to film physical media that has to be carefully transported and worked on anymore; I can shoot digital in the morning, and upload it to my editor anywhere on the planet by the evening.
So, Wilmington, NC realized this and leapt to the opportunity, convincing the state to offer massive tax breaks, and folks who were dissatisfied in Cali met with folks who wanted to join the industry but for whatever reason couldn't go out there, badda bing badda boom, there's another coast after all.
Then a few years later, the governor starts going hard on this bathroom bill, first in the nation. I personally think that's an idiotic and hateful knee-jerk reaction, but even if someone was to agree with the idea, they've gotta recognize the consequences. Telling part of a virtually-infinite-dollar industry that has a higher-than-average queer and queer-supporting population "we don't take kindly to y'all round here" will obviously get a negative reaction...
So both SC and GA saw this as the perfect second chance to get in on the action, promised equal-or-better tax breaks, and less-or-no bigotry, and second badda moment, Charleston and Atlanta became the hotbeds. Nice move for the industry, but it did really suck talking with the folks who uprooted their families in a reverse of the Gold Rush of yesteryear...and then couldn't afford to do so again, so they drive 4-ish hours (or more to ATL) just for work.
Often times they stayed in places around Charleston during the week and go back for weekends. But kids have birthdays that don't always fall on weekends, so hey time to wrap an early 10-hr day at 1500, drive back just in time for dinner, put the kids to bed, and drive back to catch a couple hours of sleep. Inspiring parenthood actions, but kinda in an "orphancrushingmachine" type of way...
At any rate, if you've made it this far, I did actually check to see if this is online info and can't find any corroborating links, so I'll admit this is scuttlebutt. But, one of the reasons the show didn't make it to the fabled 5th season to get 130 episodes and be syndicated was that apparently someone in finance was playing games with the money involved. Money that inherently was being sent across state lines. Which, as a crime, puts it under the purview of...the Inspectors. It may not be true, but it does tickle me to no end the idea that whoever did that ended up getting arrested by the very folks that they were working with for years.
Jdornigan@reddit
The show had run its course, they could have done one or two more episodes to provide closure on some story line solely about the characters, but it wasn't necessary. Near the end they were running out of ideas for stories.
DNKE11A@reddit
I mean this with all the love for the arts and its weirdness that I can muster, but...bro how many mail crimes are there even? It's honestly amazing that it went on for that long, y'know?
urmyheartBeatStopR@reddit
Holy fuck USPS is not messing around...
Jdornigan@reddit
I am disappointed that we never got a resolution on Preston and Veronica and if they became a couple.
Darmok47@reddit
There was a wild case a few years ago where two Iranian guys in DC were pretending to be DHS or Secret Service agents and were giving gifts of expensive guns and rent free apartments to actual Secret Service agents (including someone on the First Lady's protective detail).
The were caught when a USPIS agent investigating an unrelated crime in their apartment complex met with them and immediately realized they were suspicious.
They managed to fool the Secret Service but got caught by the Post Office.
legion_XXX@reddit
With recent events, im not at all shocked.
Coro-NO-Ra@reddit
USSS is honestly worse than their public reputation would suggest. They've had issues with their agents partying it up in foreign countries, and the Bidens seemed to have lost a lot of trust in them for a while. The presidential detail used to stay up all night partying and drinking as well - which may have contributed to Kennedy's death.
On the other hand, the Diplomatic Security Service of the State Department is incredibly badass for being so unknown:
https://www.state.gov/bureaus-offices/under-secretary-for-management/bureau-of-diplomatic-security/
Se7en_speed@reddit
I ran into those guys in a random hotel elevator once, kinda wanted to ask who they were protecting but couldn't work up the nerve
EmmalouEsq@reddit
When I worked for USCIS, there were huge posters on the walls papering the hallway from the entrance to the cubicles with mugshots, charges, and sentences fellow of fellow officers who broke the laws.
I'm going to assume the SS has the same things and the same yearly training. It's not worth it.
Darmok47@reddit
I worked at DHS as well, and there's already trainings about not accepting gifts that these guys seemed to have ignored. A rent-free penthouse apartment should set some mental alarms ringing, right?
Budget-Attorney@reddit
I love this story
thetrain23@reddit
Don't mess with USPIS
redditcommander@reddit
I've worked with USPIS on several fraud investigations, including some organized rings stealing credit cards right out of the sort. I can confirm, they do not fuck around. Wonderful folks.
arkstfan@reddit
In criminal defense you know they are the toughest charges to beat. Let’s my ago the US Attorney’s didn’t get hopped up for postal crimes unless it was something really big that will get media coverage.
The USPIS caught on and started just building really strong cases, ready for trial to get the US Attorney’s offices to pursue them. They do great work.
Don’t mess with the postal police!
DreamQueen710@reddit
I hope we get stories about the North Houston distro center. It's been a mess for a while and I'd love a "Making of a Murderer" type style documentary on how they fix it, whenever that happens. Lol
Jdornigan@reddit
The call takers probably get yelled at a lot and are under paid clerical workers. However, those reports then go to an overworked investigator who wants to make arrests, so usually it works out.
I made a complaint one time because my junk mail such as supermarket flyers stopped arriving and I knew they should be as they sometimes would be in the mailbox. The inspector decided to follow the carrier and later found that they were dumping them in apartment complex dumpsters because they didn't feel like delivering them. They started to arrive again and the next day I got a call from the postal inspector telling me that they found the problem and it should be resolved. This was a huge deal because not only were they trashing mail, but it caused losses to the senders in the amount of tens of thousands of dollars.
dystopiadattopia@reddit
DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Protects Agency (or something like that).
They make ridiculously cool stuff.
Including the internet. Yep, the US military invented the internet.
Undispjuted@reddit
Shhh… every Millenial knows that was Al Gore 😭
nukeengr74474@reddit
The Tennessee Valley Authority.
It receives no tax payer funding, is the 6th largest power supplier in the country and the largest public utility in the US.
With a generating capacity of approximately 35 gigawatts (GW), TVA has the sixth highest generation capacity of any utility company in the United States and the third largest nuclear power fleet, with seven units at three sites.[3][17] In addition, they also operate four coal-fired power plants, 29 hydroelectric dams, nine simple-cycle natural gas combustion turbine plants, nine combined cycle gas plants, 1 pumped storage hydroelectric plant, 1 wind energy site, and 14 solar energy sites.
Undispjuted@reddit
Their theft, Scuze me, imminent domain scandal, at Tellico kind of makes them supervillains though.
Backsight-Foreskin@reddit
And the dams they built in the 30's withstood the flooding from Hurricane Helene.
onwardtowaffles@reddit
FEMA's got some interesting facilities going on, like Mount Weather / High Point.
HurlingFruit@reddit
NRO. The National Reconnaisance Office. They look down on other people worldwide, 24/7/365.
one98d@reddit
The NRO is wild. They donated unused satellites that they deemed obsolete for reconnaissance purposes to NASA and it was determined that these satellites that were just collecting dust were a vast improvement over NASA’s Hubble Telescope.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_National_Reconnaissance_Office_space_telescope_donation_to_NASA
t17389z@reddit
I still have to wonder what the failed ZUMA payload was. For context; ZUMA was a satellite built by northrop grumman at expense of around 2 billion dollars. It is speculated to have been the most expensive payload ever built at the time. Upon launch, it supposedly did not separate from the 2nd stage of the rocket, which was to be performed using an adapter also built by northrop. Officially, the payload/launch was not attributed to any government agency in particular, though the NRO and CIA are obvious suspects. I hope whatever it was gets leaked/declassified in my lifetime.
ATLBoy1996@reddit
I don’t think ZUMA failed. Little known factoid but stealth satellites exist. The NRO has launched three that we know of: Prowler, Misty 1 and Misty 2. The problem is you can’t hide a rocket launch, so how do you hide the satellite while it deploys and make sure nobodies looking for it? Deception. In one launch they used a decoy they weighed almost nothing but unfolded to look like a large satellite. Another launch they said the satellite failed and even released debris to make it look like it broke up.
Prowler was found by amateur astronomers after it was decommissioned. Its stealth features weren’t as advanced. Nobody ever saw or tracked the Misty satellites though. The issue is they were hideously expensive for what they were. But the ability to spy on enemies without them knowing can be valuable. Everyone can easily track spy satellite orbits and hide things when they’re overhead. In the early 2000’s there were huge debates on capitol hill about funding a very expensive classified program. It was eventually cancelled but they never said what it was. Most people think this was Misty 3. I suspect ZUMA is a next-generation stealth satellite and the strangeness around the launch was carefully planned deception to hide her deployment.
t17389z@reddit
Northrop would be a new builder of stealth satellite technology, since I don't believe they were the prime on any of the other 3 known stealth birds. Observed deorbit burn of the 2nd stage indicates that no matter what, it was a LEO/MEO transfer launch, not something GEO where they wouldn't have the margin to fully deorbit the 2nd stage.
ATLBoy1996@reddit
It’s believed that Lockheed Martin built Misty 1/2 but Prowler was based on a Hughes HS-376 satellite bus (now owned by Raytheon.) It was a relatively small inspector satellite designed to approach and “inspect” enemy satellites at close range. Misty 1/2 were huge and believed to be photo-reconnaissance satellites. Aside from Lockheed, Northrop Grumman is the most experienced company when it comes to designing stealth platforms.
t17389z@reddit
Apparently the originally scheduled launch date for Zuma was the same week that the interstellar asteroid ʻOumuamua's discovery was announced. Curious. I remember there was a ton of urgency behind its original launch date.
ATLBoy1996@reddit
Someone went through a lot of trouble to collect all the publicly known information about the NRO’s stealth satellite projects. Here ya go:
https://spp.fas.org/military/program/track/stealth.pdf
t17389z@reddit
Ooooooo, now I know what I'm doing with my 4:30am insomnia. Much appreciated.
ATLBoy1996@reddit
No problem. A fellow nightwalker? 😂
t17389z@reddit
yesssir, quite literally in my case. I walk around inspecting buildings to validate work done by contractors overnight, while they're closed.
ATLBoy1996@reddit
Ah ok cool. I just can’t sleep sometimes because ADHD. 🤣
ATLBoy1996@reddit
Everything about that launch was so weird. It was very obviously a special payload unlike anything launched until that point. The special payload adapter also raised eyebrows since that’s rarely needed. You’d only build a custom one-off payload adapter if the payload was very sensitive. Which apparently the stealth systems can be. From publicly filed patents, It’s basically a large inflatable cone that faces towards Earth. It reflects radar around the satellite and hides its heat signature. But it does take some time to deploy, hence the need for a distraction during the launch.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
The ZUMA payload is still in a stable orbit, so the supposedly part of that statement is questionable at best, and has essentially been disproven.
Faking a failure has the NRO written all over it. They've done several times.
t17389z@reddit
I haven't seen/heard any evidence that someone has found it up there. What have you got?
Popular-Swordfish559@reddit
The only conspiracy theory that I 100% truly and genuinely believe is that Zuma is still in orbit. The whole mission from announcement to "failure" was so bizarre that I feel like they must have faked the failure to throw foreign governments/amateur skywatchers off their scent.
TheCastro@reddit
Except if you read almost to the bottom they're pretty useless for deep space observation.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
Don't forget it's seaborne counterpart, the National Underwater Reconnaissance Office (NURO). We don't know what they do, at all.
The two mission we do know about happened during the cold war. Operation Ivy Bells used a submarine and deep submergence diving to tap a Soviet telephone cable for almost a decade. Project Azorian supposedly recovered part of sunk nuclear armed Soviet submarine, disguising it as a drilling operation. They claim the sub broke up while being raised, but bits and pieces of the sub have confirmed to exist in the US over the years. The US is also listed as recovering and disposing of two Soviet nuclear warheads in the 1970s. How that supposedly happened without recovering all or most of the sub is anyone's guess.
nasadowsk@reddit
Wasn't the latter's cover story something something Howard Huges?
Agent__Zigzag@reddit
Yup. Think there is a documentary about it & his involvement.
HurlingFruit@reddit
I always assumed the US Navy executed those missions. They do have a little experience under water.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
They do, but all the mission planning, technical wizardry, and most funding comes from the NURO.
It's kind of like how the Space Force oversees launches of NRO satellites.
HurlingFruit@reddit
TIL
Popular-Swordfish559@reddit
NRO is a fascinating case because people tend to simultaneously both vastly overestimate their capabilities in some respects and vastly underestimate them in others. People say things like "oh yeah the military can watch football games from orbit live" or whatever, and, like, no, they can't do that, that's not how satellites work. But can they listen to any phone call made by anyone on earth at any time with football-field sized satellites? Absofuckinglutely.
MajorKirrahe@reddit
NRO was one of the last agencies to actually be officially de-classified, which probably plays a part. I don't think it happened until the early 1990s.
Slow_D-oh@reddit
It was founded in 1960 and declassified in the early 90s. Their budget is said far to surpass that of any Intel agency in the US. They design, build, launch, and operate every spy satellite the US has and they have very few Federal employees, it's mainly thousands of contractors that make the magic happen.
HurlingFruit@reddit
And that they do. Except for that Snowdon fellow.
urmyheartBeatStopR@reddit
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-story-behind-the-comically-villainous-octopus-logo-of-us-spy-agency
They got crazy ass patches too.
Drew707@reddit
That sounds very British of them.
BioDriver@reddit
The State Department's INR is among the scrappiest and most accurate intelligence agency within the USGOV. It's just over 300 people, insanely competitive to get into, and nobody has heard of them.
WainoMellas@reddit
Came here to say INR
redditcommander@reddit
Very happy to see this. I've worked with folks in INR. Very savvy. The IC definitely tries to pretend they aren't part of the IC, but they take their roles very seriously. While other agencies might crib from State Department cables, make it TS and act super smart, INR actually talks to the folks writing those cables to get the full picture. Shockingly... It makes a difference.
houinator@reddit
Came here to say this. Their budget is practically a rounding error compared to the big 3 letter intel shops, and yet they routinely put out some of the best analysis.
Randy_Watson@reddit
Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) fits that bill. They are a bureau under the Treasury. They analyze financial transactions to for criminal and terrorist funding activities. When you hear about a company being investigated for financial crimes, a lot of the time it started with them getting flagged by FinCEN.
The FDIC also has an interesting group that shuts down banks. They basically walk in with no notice on a Friday before closing and take over the bank. They then spend the weekend gathering evidence before shutting down a failing bank.
caskey@reddit
The PIS is one of the most badass agencies in federal service. FBI, meh, too many rules, SS, same. But I'd never want to mess with a postal inspector.
cordless-31@reddit
*USSS
PhysicsEagle@reddit (OP)
Oldest federal agency and the one with the highest conviction rate!
_mur_@reddit
The Bureau of Land Management; the lesser-known and under-appreciated land management agency, but arguably the most important. The BLM manages 245 million acres of land and 700 million acres of subsurface mineral estate. The BLM is the literal and spiritual successor to the General Land Office, which historically carried out the Homestead Act. It’s been a hugely important presence in both the historic and modern shaping of the West.
nwokie619@reddit
Comptroller of the currency. Self supporting, gets all it's operating expenses from bank fees. I was a senior analyst for them long ago. If a bank goes under they take over, they inspect banks and train bank officers.
FakeNickOfferman@reddit
The U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA).
Sabertooth767@reddit
Did you know that, besides the Armed Forces, there are two additional uniformed services? They are the US Public Health Service Commissioned Corps and the NOAA Commissioned Officer Corps. Both of these services consist solely of commissioned officers, using the Navy's rank structure. Both of them can be militarized by order of the President, and they do deploy.
ComprehensiveWeb4986@reddit
NOAA also has a LE division. It has jurisdiction over anything NOAA related. Some focus specifically on Fisheries enforcement other on other things but NOAA has some.of the least restricted jurisdiction
gummibearhawk@reddit
Why does public health and the weather have law enforcement?
Sabertooth767@reddit
They're not law enforcement, they're military. Well, kind of- it's like the Coast Guard but even weirder.
As to why they exist, it's because it's useful to the government to have a bunch of scientists and doctors to help out the Armed Forces and federal agencies. If WW3 breaks out, the PHSCC can be militarized and deployed, as it was during WW2 and Korea. They also work on board the USN's hospital ships and do disaster relief missions.
Landwarrior5150@reddit
NOAA does actually have a law enforcement division, its just not the commissioned corps.
SexyHolo@reddit
They also serve as physicians for the Coast Guard, similar to the Navy's Hospital Corps
Parking_Aerie_2054@reddit
It’s not like the cg at all cg is based on 11 different missions its biggest being seach and rescue law enforcement and national defense (what all branches do). The NOAA Corps is based on weather and research something about 2% of the CG does
arcinva@reddit
I believe they meant like the Coast Guard in that it's military-but-kinda-not-military.
cocoagiant@reddit
Doesn't take WW3. They are deployed regularly for public health emergencies like Ebola or COVID-19.
They all have months of the year that they are on call for deployments.
jgeoghegan89@reddit
Interesting. I didn't know that
mcm87@reddit
NOAA is a uniformed service because they do geographic surveys of the world. If other countries saw civilians mapping their harbors, they could be shot as spies. But as uniformed representatives of their government, it’s all public and legal.
Capable_Stranger9885@reddit
NOAA Corps are a separate uniformed service from 1917 because:
Battlefield cartographers (US Coast and Geodetic Survey Corps) not in uniform can be shot or hanged summarily upon capture, but in uniform are prisoners of war and must meet minimum standards of treatment in WWI
And
Dipshit generals would pull cartographers from survey detail and make them regular infantry riflemen in the trenches. That's why they aren't just part of the Army.
cocoagiant@reddit
US Public Health Service are not law enforcement and they are not armed. They are the branch that the Surgeon General sits in.
They are often the folks who provide services for the Indian Health Service and are often used in relief efforts or for helping out during outbreaks.
Lots deployed during major outbreaks like Ebola or COVID-19.
giscard78@reddit
I knew a veterinarian with the USPHS that deployed for Ebola like ten years ago. Supposedly, they like putting the vets in charge of the doctors.
cocoagiant@reddit
Maybe in an emergency situation but that has not been my experience with the USPHS folks I've worked with. Physicians usually are at the top.
giscard78@reddit
The implication was that while vets get the health stuff, managing tbe doctors is mostly paperwork and admin duties. It leaves the physicians with time to be physicians.
cocoagiant@reddit
You would think so but that hasn't been my experience.
CupBeEmpty@reddit
Military not law enforcement. It is because public health is very important for large overseas bases and we need local weather info overseas.
ilikedota5@reddit
But what about other specialized fields?
CupBeEmpty@reddit
Such as?
ilikedota5@reddit
I was going to give some examples then I realized they do exist on some level. Medical units, various support roles (having their own title and ranks/equivalents), logistical command.
Sowf_Paw@reddit
My grandfather was a pharmacist and a captain in the US Public Health Service. During world war two he worked in a US Navy hospital.
The History Guy made videos about the history of both the NOAA commissioned corps and the US Public Health Service on their history and what they do.
shelwood46@reddit
I had an older (very old, he died at 106) friend who was in the PHS in the 40s and 50s and was knighted in Thailand for his work combating malaria.
Suppafly@reddit
That's probably what spawned this question, and now some youtuber will read these comments and create videos about them again and eventually it'll make its way back to reddit.
NiteTiger@reddit
It's history that deserves to be remembered ™️
revengeappendage@reddit
Someone eventually has to shoot the sun, dude!
Inspi@reddit
I thought that was the Space Farce's job
Drew707@reddit
Moon's haunted.
notapunk@reddit
It's due to NOAA owning/operating various research vessels (aka larger ships) and this is why. They're not law enforcement, it's based on being a sea-going organization.
MrAnachronist@reddit
If you think NOAA doesn’t have armed officers, shoot a seal and you’ll get to meet their armed officers in person.
_vercingtorix_@reddit
Weather underground was a radical marxist terror organization at one time. Who's gonna beat up the weather if not the NOAA?
kmosiman@reddit
Not law enforcement but the weather guys are the ones flying the plane into the hurricanes for readings.
I believe the Coast Guard also has a unit, but NOAA has planes.
Crayshack@reddit
The NOAA Commissioned Officer Corps operates some of the planes that are currently flying into Milton to take detailed readings of the storm conditions. Putting their lives on the line so we can have a better forecast of what the storm is going to do. Those guys are heroes.
probablynotthatsmart@reddit
They are incredible pilots. Also NOAA officers are technically the chief science officer at the South Pole. They maintain that posting year-round
BM7-D7-GM7-Bb7-EbM7@reddit
A lot of people don't realize "Hurricane Hunters" refers to personnel from the three different agencies that have operated flights into hurricanes: Navy, Air Force, and NOAA. The Navy no longer flies into hurricanes, the Air Force and NOAA still do.
There's also been losses in hurricanes, the last one in the 70s and several back in the 50s in the early days of hurricane hunting. The US Military lists them all as Killed in Action, the same honor given to someone who died by enemy fire.
Cubcub29@reddit
That sounds pretty fair to me - we do seem to be losing more from invading hurricanes than we do from invading soldiers.
traumatransfixes@reddit
Okay, I was only picturing an action movie about obscure weather reading this. The obscure baddies at NOAA must save the day.
SexyHolo@reddit
Mostly they operate the research ships and aircraft that the scientists are using for their latest experiments. That can be anything from a month long cruise mapping the ocean floor in the Arctic to flying P-3s into Hurricane Milton so that the NHC can make better predictions on intensity and course.
ArchAngel1986@reddit
“It’s cloudy, with a chance of death.” gun shot
Starring Keanu Reeves, or something.
traumatransfixes@reddit
They have to keep the sub shooting through the sea at upwards of 60 knots or it will explode.
decaturbadass@reddit
My father was an officer in the Public Health Service in the early 60s
ThisDerpForSale@reddit
Mine as well, in the 70’s.
lantech@reddit
Eat your broccoli or I'll shoot
aaross58@reddit
USPHSCS when not militarized: "For the last time, the contents in this package are hazardous to your health when ingested, inhaled, or in any way consumed."
USPHSCS when militarized: "Let's go practice medicine."
Gurguran@reddit
In the words of a Bush-era Nat-Sec advisor: "NOAA does more to defend the American people than any federal agency outside of DoD and everyone [Republicans] craps all over them."
ComprehensiveWeb4986@reddit
Every agency has a law enforcement branch so 🤷♂️
CorgisHaveNoKnees@reddit
Bureau of Diplomatic Security.
Protects State Dept staff all over the world.
500SL@reddit
My grandfather was a Postal Inspector, and a total badass.
He was one of the agents who found, surrounded, and killed Ma and Freddy Barker in 1935.
I have the Thompson SMG he bought and used in the raid. That's how they did it back then.
Hoosier_Jedi@reddit
United States Army Intelligence Support Activity. Basically, super classified army intelligence. The leader of the agency’s name is actually classified information.
Agent__Zigzag@reddit
Glad to see this mentioned!
itcheyness@reddit
The agency also doesn't officially have a name. It used to be called that, but now it just gets a new code name per mission that is then never used again afterwards.
UglyInThMorning@reddit
Every two years, not per mission. Some are pretty badass, like “CEMETERY WIND” or “CENTRA SPIKE”.
Drew707@reddit
Wow, with a name like Classified Information they were destined for that role!
WorldsMostDad@reddit
I approve this joke.
Drew707@reddit
Username checks out.
Agent__Zigzag@reddit
DSS. Was old name but forget new name that they got in last 10 years. Diplomatic security. For embassies, diplomats, etc. Overseas & foreign diplomats in US.
Popular-Swordfish559@reddit
DoE and NRO come to mind
The_Patriot@reddit
https://www.energy.gov/
Read this book by a SEAL, and he was a high falutin' sniper. He went to a contest of elite snipers.
He said the guy from DOE outshot everybody.
Don't mess around near a US nuclear plant. Just don't.
itcheyness@reddit
I would go with the "berets" of various colors most people haven't heard of.
Maroon Berets - Air Force para-jumpers that do combat search and rescue for downed airmen behind enemy lines.
Scarlet Berets - Air Force traffic controllers who typically run with other SF groups to call in air support for the team if necessary and have gone into disaster hit areas to help coordinate relief supply deliveries. Their big one was Haiti in 2010 after the earthquake.
Grey berets - Special forces weathermen who drop behind enemy lines to monitor conditions for airstrikes.
Id_Rather_Beach@reddit
The IRS has a criminal investigative unit. That's pretty wild to me.
They did some work on the bitcoin scams.
Reasonable-Tech-705@reddit
people don’t give much love to the VA if they never interacted with it but good lord are they cool. They took good care of my grandfather.
OccasionBest7706@reddit
NOAA Corps. You likely saw them bouncing around in a plane this week flying through Milton.
HowLittleIKnow@reddit
The National Nuclear Security Administration is high on the list of agencies you don’t want to fuck around with.
brenster23@reddit
Department of energy security team for transporting objects of importance, rules of engagement are essentially "if threat eliminate, protect cargo".
There is an old story of a local cop pulling over a dep truck, ignoring dispatch. He was left hog tied in his car.
Department of energy security doesn't fuck around.
AureliasTenant@reddit
Is there a news story for this? Had trouble googling it. Although I guess at least one of the parties wouldn’t want it publicized
brenster23@reddit
Just more of an Urban legend, I recall seeing it on Half as interesting
UglyInThMorning@reddit
Yeah, the convoy just wouldn’t stop and would probably radio for someone to get them to knock it off.
Wild-Attention2932@reddit
I forget the actual name but the numismatic one (coins) they don't care about the low-level thefts as much, but you break that 10k level, and they are all over it.
I thought it was The ATF when they showed up at my door. Lol
Kielbasa_Nunchucka@reddit
USPIS will forever make me think of Ed Helms' cameo on B99
JudgeWhoOverrules@reddit
The Government Accountability Office is a bureau that exists under the legislative branch whose purpose is solely to investigate and eliminate fraud, waste, and inefficiency within the federal government. They've been called the taxpayers best friend because every dollar invested in their budget returns multiple more in waste and fraud eliminated.
SpaceS4t4n@reddit
We need to double their budget asap lol
yellowbubble7@reddit
There was also one point (no idea if it's still true now) when the GAO was consistently ranked as the best government agency to work for based on employee satisfaction.
Budget-Attorney@reddit
This is exactly the kind of common sense thing we need more of
thelowerrandomproton@reddit
The Office of Inspector's General are closely related to the GAO. They have the same mission. They are part of different agencies but act independently of those agencies. There are 74 OIGs. They are all members of the Council of the Inspectors General on Integrity and Efficiency (CIGIE), of which GAO is a statutory member.
The OIGs are charged with identifying, auditing, and investigating fraud, waste, abuse, embezzlement, and mismanagement within the executive department. They usually have two groups (not including the support offices:
The Investigators are special agents, similar to the FBI, but focused on investigating what the department does. For instance, the Department of Transportation investigators would look into transportation-related crimes. This includes human trafficking and organized crime, such as the Russian mob, etc.
On the audit side, they audit to try to find embezzlement, waste, etc. But they also sometimes include red teams.
Red teams hack into federal agencies and break into government buildings to expose security weaknesses.
igwaltney3@reddit
I have targets for the ineffiviency part
Stein1071@reddit
That sounds like the absolute biggest frat boy club in the entire government. Like mobsters "working" for construction companies except a bunch of bureaucrats in suits sitting around high-fiveing each other collecting their pay checks and laughing at the rest of the country.
"HEY CHAD! CHAD! HEY! Dude.... you believe these fucking tubes?!? They buy this shit that were actually investigating fraud and doing something about it. HAHAHAHA!"
BjornAltenburg@reddit
Have you ever met a safety inspector at a company with a mild God complex? That's what a lot of these inspectors are like. They pretty much get off on nailing people and Organizations for corruption and irregular spending.
CalmRip@reddit
Yup, the one agency that scares the IRS.
Dunamivora@reddit
US Strategic Command, Space Command, or Cyber Command.
Reasonable_Pay4096@reddit
Not quite obscure, but the Secret Service is far more well known for Presidential security than their original purpose: fighting counterfeit currency (which they still do).
PhysicsEagle@reddit (OP)
Always wondered how they ended up with the security detail job
OldDude1391@reddit
Office of the Comptroller of the Currency. Keeps the banks in line. Just slapped TD bank with $450 million fine.
Ford_Prefect123@reddit
DARPA
BioDriver@reddit
Only the real DARPA, not Decoy Octopus
Infamous_Fly2601@reddit
I had to scroll way too far to find this answer. Had a few friends in DC that worked for DARPA and now they all make tons of money in the private sector developing some of the most cutting edge technologies.
flying_wrenches@reddit
The more specific an agency is, the faster they can bring their power to bear.
USPIS, is very specific. If they’re at your door, it’s already too late. The FBI on the other hand, is vague and slow to act.
WhichSpirit@reddit
Diplomatic Couriers. They transport all diplomatic pouches for our embassies worldwide (which includes the very materials used to build our embassy in Moscow). In their history, they've only lost one item. It was a baby grand piano which was stolen while the courier slept below it.
WhichSpirit@reddit
NOAA Commissioned Officer Corps. It's one of the eight uniformed services but is part of the Department of Commerce and not a branch of the military. Basically every time you hear about people flying science planes into hurricanes or mapping the ocean floor, these are the guys doing it.
OceanPoet87@reddit
The National Weather Service. I mean you'd think it would be well known but I have to tell my well educated parents that the best forecasts come from them and not AccuWeather or their smartphone apps which get the data from the NWS.
Fun fact it is part of the Department of Commerce rather than something like the Dept of the Interior or Agriculture.
EvanniOfChaos@reddit
The biggest problem for John Everyman using the NWS is their site is pretty unfriendly. There's a lot of great, accurate data there, but so much of it is in a raw or line graph form, which is harder to glance at and understand immediately than their more commercial counterparts. I'd love to see their website updated sometime.
AngriestManinWestTX@reddit
Unfortunately, the last time they updated their website, the CEO of Accuweather (Barry Myers) threw a massive fit along the lines that it wasn’t “fair” that he now had to compete with the government as well as WeatherChannel. Myers has been one of the leading voices behind trying to ban public distribution of NWS data since the Obama administration.
Myers is currently on the administration of Project 2025 and was Trump’s choice to lead the NWS in 2016 but failed his confirmation. Myers crusade against NWS remains ongoing.
TheReal_Saba@reddit
Learn something new every day
Budget-Attorney@reddit
Thanks for sharing this. It’s really good to know
RingGiver@reddit
Federal Protective Forces.
Department of Energy paramilitary force for nuclear material that DOE is in charge of security over.
Catalina_Eddie@reddit
Homeland Security Investigations (HSI).
CSI_Shorty09@reddit
The Postal Service has one of the busiest Forensic labs in the country.
binarycow@reddit
"Busiest" isn't necessarily a good thing. It could just mean they are severely understaffed and underequipped.
RollinThundaga@reddit
You can blame that on The current Postmaster General
TravelerMSY@reddit
FEMA, with respect to their classified budget and facilities for maintaining continuity of government.
hayfever76@reddit
USAID - US Agency for International Development. The much smaller sibling of the State Department. Founded by JFK at the same time as the Peace Corps. USAID sits in US Embassies in dodgy "developing economies" to stabilize democratic processes, push human rights, help nurture free and fair elections - they're basically doing God's work in the 3rd world. A really remarkable organization.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
One the biggest things I've seen them do recently is orchestrate the procurement and transport of new utility poles and other equipment to Ukraine for areas where Russia intentionally destroyed the infrastructure during the early stages of the war.
USAID is the reason a large portion of Ukraine actually has electrical infrastructure right now. It's only interesting to nerdy engineers and history people like me, but they've rebuilt a lot of the infrastructure on a level not seen since the Blitz in London.
hayfever76@reddit
This is great. I love that
mykepagan@reddit
Regarding the US Postal Inspection Service, in Charles Stross’ Laundry Series books, the Postal Inspection Service are the only “good guys” in the American government. The rest are at best machiavellian manipulators, at worst they are literal Lovecraftian Cosmic Horrors.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
NIST, the National Institute of Standards and Technology. You’ve never heard of them, but everything you use can be traced back to them. One of their principal functions to keep the official time of the United States with a bunch of atomic clocks under a mountain in Colorado. Those clocks are kept in sync with similar ones owned by other nations, which creates Coordinated Universal Time. That time signal is then used by the GPS constellation, every computer network, and many other systems to quite literally keep modern life possible. Power grids wouldn’t work without that time signal. Neither would cell phone towers, air traffic control and a ton of other pieces of infrastructure you don’t think about.
My second mention would be the NTSB. They’re pretty widely known so I’m not sure they qualify as obscure but the reason you can feel perfectly safe onboard a plane, train, or ship in the United States is because of them. They are the absolute best in the world what they, and quite literally wrote the book on accident investigations. To this day they train many other country’s investigators.
For the truly obscure and badass agencies, I nominated the National Nuclear Security Administration. You’ve probably never heard of them, but they’re ultimately responsible for the US nuclear arsenal.
Key_Jellyfish4571@reddit
I am surprised anyone else knows how important time is to our current systems. Nobody knows about NIST.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
In college I did quite a bit of work in ocean navigation and mapping. Precise timekeeping is very important for that or else your data becomes useless when you're trying to correlate with other data from shore stations, ships, and buoys that are geographically dispersed.
Key_Jellyfish4571@reddit
They keep the world running.
GeneralBurzio@reddit
Where's the DHD, Mr. Govt. Man????
TheCastro@reddit
There's one just sitting in Boulder Colorado.
SocratesDiedTrolling@reddit
I used to be a firefighter and firefighter 1 instructor. I knew of NIST as they also have a division that investigates firefighting tactics and equipment.
Molotov_Cockatiel@reddit
Many people in IT have heard of them, they're also a major standards body and I used their stuff to justify shitcanning annoying password policies!
Slow_D-oh@reddit
My previous life used a f ew NIST tracable standards and I dealt with them a few times over the phone etc. Lovely people, they mainly seemed glad someone called that week. j/k
monitor_masher@reddit
NIST has their own nuclear reactor in the heart of Montgomery County, MD too!
TheRtHonLaqueesha@reddit
Department of Energy tactical units for protecting nuclear material.
VentusHermetis@reddit
MatrixGodfather0435@reddit
I'll say the Defense Logistics Agency. They operate a global logistics, warehousing, and supply operation under the DOD.
Forsaken_Ad_1626@reddit
DLA puts Walmart logistics to shame. If you need pretty much anything, anywhere they can get it for you. I am an army logistician and I have personally witnessed DLA work some absolute magic.
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
I used to be an engineer at a navy yard. Mostly the yard does routine maintenance on the fleet, but also takes care of emergent issues when something really breaks on a ship and the crew can't fix it.
It's that emergent work where I've seen DLA work its magic. I remember putting in requests for parts watching them basically appear out of thin air within 48 hours. Not small stuff either.
SnowblindAlbino@reddit
I certainly would nominate the staff of the Clark R. Bavin National Fish and Wildlife Forensics Laboratory in Ashland, Oregon. They are the ones who figure out that someone's suitcase of "rhino horn pills" is indeed made from engandered rhinos, or when that guitar you bought was made from endangered Brasilian rosewood, or when that "souvenir" grandma got in Africa is indeed made from elephant ivory. Or all manner of other things involving illegal possession of CITES-covered wildlife or similar crimes involving US law.
eyetracker@reddit
That's super interesting. I wonder why Ashland, of all places.
ThomasRaith@reddit
Most of the time the answer to those kind of questions is "the congressman whose district includes Ashland traded a vote on a critical bill for a rider that requires X agency headquarters be built in their district."
Hotchumpkilla@reddit
US postal inspectors
Dinocop1234@reddit
I was thinking of the Postal Inspectors when I read your title before I saw that you mentioned them. Second choice for me would be the Diplomatic Security Service a part of the State Department.
redditcommander@reddit
I worked with a whole lot of DS special agents at State. Really interesting split of roles, some are lovely folks. In some ways they seem almost like they slapped together three very unrelated responsibilities into one hodgepodge. Embassy security, securing foreign diplomats in the US, and also doing domestic investigation into passport and visa fraud.
PseudonymIncognito@reddit
One of my relatives had to go through diplomatic security training at the DSS facility before an overseas assignment and it sounded like they covered some pretty serious stuff (e.g. how to operate a car with an incapacitated driver from the passenger seat to escape an ambush). Fortunately, they didn't have to deal with that sort of situation on a rotation to Japan.
redditcommander@reddit
Yeah -- DS has some fun training. Sounds like they got part of the crash training but not the full crash and bang. Crash and bang for particularly dangerous assignments covered how to ram through a roadblock (the "crash" part,) drive fast but maintain control, and some weapons familiarization (the "bang" part.) Never had a chance to do crash and bang when I was an FSO, but I had some enhanced security training related to counterintelligence from DS that was very interesting before heading off to China. Lots of hands on stuff so you knew what surveillance could learn and help you make smart choices based on that.
Probably the coolest part was they had a section of a column from the original construction of Embassy Moscow -- the boondoggle in the 80s where we let the USSR build a new building for us and they hid almost undetectable aluminum wire all through the structure hooked up to bugs. They had the wire in the column hooked up to a very nice stereo system and speakers so you could run the speakers through audiophile-grade speaker wire, and then through the column to compare the clarity. The column sounded much cleaner.
giscard78@reddit
Not State but somewhere in DOJ is an office colloquially called “Splash n Crash” lol
HeartwarminSalt@reddit
USPIS
lai4basis@reddit
IRS isn't obscure but they are badasses that actually make money. Give them a $1 and they return $2.
HurlingFruit@reddit
The Federal Reserve is also consistently profitable and I haven't seen them mentioned here. Yes, you have heard of them, but I seriously doubt you understand what they do and how they do it.
BurgerFaces@reddit
Apparently you don't either understand them all that well either
HurlingFruit@reddit
Twenty years as a banker made me fairly well-versed.
mfigroid@reddit
They don't make money. They collect money.
lai4basis@reddit
Feel better?
mfigroid@reddit
No. I owe the IRS money.
TheShadowKick@reddit
Congratulations, you're participating in a society.
lai4basis@reddit
😂
revengeappendage@reddit
I mean, is it really bad ass or is it just bullying? (Not including actual tax fraud in this opinion).
inthenameofselassie@reddit
US Marshalls. The department was created in 1789 by George Washington.
BjornAltenburg@reddit
If a Marshall has been sent to collect you for federal court, just give up. Whatever game you played to get there is not worth the hurt you're about to endure.
The Marshall service is also in charge of dealing with police and federal police corruption.
Also, a fun fact is that a US marhsall can enforce state and local laws and is authorized to pretty much command any local resources necessary to catch criminals. They are pretty much the highest level law enforcement within the US and can not be impeded by much.
Sp4ceh0rse@reddit
I took care of a US Marshal once in the hospital. He was very kind, polite and extremely intimidating.
BjornAltenburg@reddit
I worked at a law firm, always my experience.
BurgerFaces@reddit
I know a guy who was framed and imprisoned for murdering his wife. He managed to escape and go on the run and simultaneously investigate the murder. How good could they actually be if he could run away from them and conduct an investigation and then do his own manhunt for the true one armed killer?
TheyMakeMeWearPants@reddit
Meh, if it was real Marshals they would have made sure they searched every:
- gas station
- residence
- warehouse
- farmhouse
- henhouse
- outhouse
- doghouse
And then found that dude.
amc365@reddit
And they love it when they find leg irons with no legs in them!
BurgerFaces@reddit
Look if they were that good they wouldn't have a wanted list
Gyvon@reddit
Still caught him
amc365@reddit
Him and the guy who actually did it!
angelknight16@reddit
Isn't this The Fugitive?
ArcaniteReaper@reddit
Jesus christ, they sound like the inquisitors from warhammer 40k
pudding7@reddit
Six of them showed up yesterday looking for my neighbor. Good times.
ucbiker@reddit
Marshals. I had to double check after I saw two of you spell it with two Ls lol
An_Awesome_Name@reddit
I wouldn’t call them obscure though. They’re pretty widely known.
Routine_Phone_2550@reddit
Americans don’t consider law enforcement to be badass. Police are possibly considered bullies, but for the most part, Americans respect the police.
ruat_caelum@reddit
DIA.
Directors of CIA write books. No one in the DIA writes books.
Weightmonster@reddit
The National Park Service.
katchoo1@reddit
Diplomatic Security Service, investigative arm of the State Department. I had an arrest of a guy who had stolen some guy in Florida’s identity and had been a thorn in the guy’s side for over a decade. My department arrested him when he tried to cash a check at a bank but he hit that bank too many times and they had him flagged so they called police.
I got the case to follow up because I was the detective who liked the fraud and white collar type cases. I called the real guy in Florida and spoke to him for a while. Big problem I had was that I didn’t know his real name and he wasn’t giving it, and because he had the other guy’s identity for so long all his prior arrests were under that ID too so even when you printed him only the false identity returned.
The victim stated that I should get in touch with the Diplomatic Security Service, which was the first I’d heard of it. Turns out that a couple of years before, the suspect had tried to use the identifying info to get a US passport but it got flagged because the real guy already had one. They contacted the victim and did N investigation but the suspect skipped whatever town he had been waiting on the passport in before DSS caught up to him. But they had given the victim contact info and said they wanted to go after him if he surfaced again.
Gotta say, those guys were on it. I called the agent in midafternoon, he talked with me and said he was off to federal court to get the warrant signed and marshals would pick him up in the morning. And they did!
He ended up getting two years and then deported because he was undocumented, had come on a visit and just never left, and the guy with the stolen identity was a citizen born here but had a name from the same ethnic group this guy was from so that’s why he stole his identity.
I was impressed with how quickly DSS moved on the case; usually federal referrals take ages and a lot of times you never hear any followup. But they got it handled, and hopefully he is finally out of the victim’s life.
Also DSS is a bit like Secret Service—we interacted with them for boring counterfeit cases but they have the glory branch with the presidential And other details. DSS also provides security at US embassies overseas and like the protection details at USSS, they can’t really even talk about that part.
G00dSh0tJans0n@reddit
The National Parks Service has it own SWAT team
Forsaken_Ad_1626@reddit
Fun fact, so does NASA
alcurtis727@reddit
Kinda shocked not to see the CDC (Centers for Disease Control & Prevention) and ASPR (Administration for Strategic Preparedness and Response). People don't realize just how often we come close to global outbreaks. Some seriously bad shiz brews up all the time, and between these two agencies they protect public health on a national level.
It's also worth mentioning that their work doesn't just involve outbreaks. Any kind of public health emergency (nuclear event, mass chemical exposure, bioterrorism, etc) all receive a public health response from something called the Strategic National Stockpile.
Public Health gets a wrap for being an office/business hours gig, but when the need arises the public health system can put some serious boots on the ground.
Synaps4@reddit
ASPR has bee. Having a rough time of it lately
cocoagiant@reddit
Every $1 we spend on public health leads to $7 in return to the public.
The vast majority of the reason we live longer and better quality lives as humans over the last 100 years is due to public health interventions, not medical ones.
MCRN-Tachi158@reddit
The Omega Sector. Literally our last line of defense.
girl_incognito@reddit
I can't really say enough about the NTSB, while they're not exactly obscure, I doubt a lot of people realize just how much they do for being such a small agency. They have about 400 employees and investigate as many as 2500 accidents every year.
BigMaraJeff2@reddit
Department of energy. Look up their nuclear couriers
randompantsfoto@reddit
Friend of mine is a DoE cop. He has arrest powers on any DoE property or facility…
…or absolutely anywhere else if he has reason to believe you might be in possession of nuclear materials.
BigMaraJeff2@reddit
My buddy is a courier, and he will casually send me pics of his 320 gl with hedp rounds.
howdiedoodie66@reddit
The NGA is most likely the largest organization, with the most power, and highest budget, that most people have never heard of.
UdderSuckage@reddit
I think it's hilarious they dropped the 'I' in what should be their abbreviation because they wanted to be a three-letter org like all the cool kids.
angelknight16@reddit
When you said they dropped the "I", I immediately thought it was going to be because of something controversial like it was between the "N" and "G"and had to be changed for obvious reasons.
igwaltney3@reddit
Well... are you going to leave us Guessing?
howdiedoodie66@reddit
I didn't think I was
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Geospatial-Intelligence_Agency
igwaltney3@reddit
Eh i couldn't pass up Guessing as the G
CupBeEmpty@reddit
I’m assuming you mean National Government Services and not the National Geodetic Survey.
howdiedoodie66@reddit
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Geospatial-Intelligence_Agency
CupBeEmpty@reddit
Oh I totally misread. I thought you had typed NGS not NGA.
Current_Poster@reddit
Every year, on it's anniversary, the NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) will do a crash test 'between' a new car with modern safety features and a car from the year they were established, to demonstrate how far we've all come since 1970. The older car is DEMOLISHED. The 'driver' of the older car (a dummy with measuring devices on it) is dead and mangled in a way they would have featured in High School instructional films. The newer car's occupants are a little banged up, but going home under their own steam.
I think that's pretty badass.
Sir_Sir_ExcuseMe_Sir@reddit
OP do you have any source? Otherwise I agree with byebybuy
byebybuy@reddit
Yeah I think they might be misremembering. It happens.
byebybuy@reddit
The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety did this test to commemorate their 50th anniversary, but I can't find any of the ones you're referring to on YouTube, unfortunately. Very cool to watch, wish they had more up there.
GreenSpace57@reddit
https://www.bep.gov/services/mutilated-currency-redemption
TheRedmanCometh@reddit
DIA
SkiingAway@reddit
I'd go with INR. Even less known, but made far better analyses + calls with regards to Vietnam, Iraq, and Ukraine and a bunch of other major events than any of the other intel agencies did.
TheRedmanCometh@reddit
I was tempted to go with the national clandestine service before they were rolled into a directorate. Figured that still counts as cia though. The dark part.
Ct-5736-Bladez@reddit
Aren’t they just a bunch of analysts? What am I missing here
twynkletoes@reddit
OFAC
send_me_potatoes@reddit
I wouldn’t call it badass, but the Five Eyes used to be a pretty obscure part of the US’ intelligence gathering apparatus. I might have even call the concept “cool” in an action movie type way pre-Snowden.
cocoagiant@reddit
Consumer Finance Protection Bureau- started by Elizabeth Warren and helps fight for regular people against bank and credit card shenanigans.
Federal Trade Commission- focus on protecting American consumers. Especially with a powerful head like the current one (Lina Khan), they really are a thorn in big businesses' side. For example, currently they are working to get rid of the use of non-competes by a lot of businesses for no reason than to reduce the mobility of employees.
CDC Centers- People think of the CDC as a monolith but the reality is the CDC over the last 30-40 years is essentially ~12 organizations rolled into one with vastly different topics they focus on to improve health outcomes. One really badass recent accomplishment one of them has had is the destruction of all of America's chemical warfare agents. This was done by the National Center for Environmental Health in a project which took decades.
IRS- Most people think of IRS just as the people who you pay your taxes to. They also do a lot to combat crimes involving money. There was a recent story in the Washington Post about a badass IRS unit called the CyberCrime Unit which brings down illegal enterprises like child porn rings and crypto thieves.
hugothebear@reddit
The federal transit administration
hopopo@reddit
Census Bureau, if most definitely not one of them.
Red_Beard_Rising@reddit
I imagine some railway police have seen things. I'm thinking about the ones patrolling the large inner city rail yards. Or those that intercept criminal cargo on a train en route. I also imagine there are also some that just drive up and down a lonely stretch of track in the desert once a week.
bearssuperfan@reddit
The Pony Express
Merman_Pops@reddit
I talked with US Forestry service fire air attack coordinator who did his job from the gunner seat of an old cobra attack helicopter.
beaglemama@reddit
Internal Revenue Service cybercrime division
https://washingtonpost.com/opinions/interactive/2024/cyber-sleuth/
Excerpt:
allaboutwanderlust@reddit
Department of Natural Resources. They made the trails in the DNR land for hiking. Not obscure, but I think they are badass
Grandemestizo@reddit
The National Park Service is a serious organization and they are not to be trifled with. Park rangers are some of the most highly trained and educated law enforcement in the country and they will protect their parks fiercely.
ThrownAback@reddit
NPS LEOs train at FLETC (Federal Law Enforcement Training Centers) which is mildly obscure, but pretty badass - they train enforcement folks for over 100 other federal agencies.
kippen@reddit
The Warehouse
Ct-5736-Bladez@reddit
U.S. fish and wildlife and U.S. Marshals. Just don’t mess with them
toolenduso@reddit
The Federal Bureau of Control. Look it up, they’re nuts
Cowboywizard12@reddit
United States Park Rangers are way underappreciated.
A bear, wolf, or mountain lion, kills and eats someone, The Park Ranger service hunts it down and shoots it, like hunting a Maneater.
That's some hardcore shit
jastay3@reddit
The Coast Guard. They are always doing sea rescue and law enforcement in peacetime as well as helping the navy in war. Most beachmasters (the guy during a landing who directs traffic) were coasties.
seditious3@reddit
Not necessarily obscure, but the US Postal Police absolutely do not fuck around. I'd fear them as much or more than the FBI.
Tullyswimmer@reddit
Haven't seen it yet, but the US Chemical Safety Board. Whenever an industrial accident happens, they're the ones who investigate, find fault, and provide recommendations to make processes safer.
And they have the best Youtube channel of any government agency. Really detailed, well-animated, breakdowns of disasters.
RSLV420@reddit
Literally none of them.
LeakyAssFire@reddit
Some of the bureaus within the Department Of the Interior are pretty badass.
Most notably:
A close runner up would be the Office of Personal Management. They are like the DMV of the federal world, but get to do extremely detailed background checks on people including in person interviews like the Men In Black or something.
jgeoghegan89@reddit
I was thinking the USPS inspection though, mainly cause of the show The Detour
tcrhs@reddit
I think there are no badass federal agencies. They’re all just bad.
Tactical_Wiener@reddit
There’s no such thing. The only good fed bootlicker is a dead one.
CSI_Shorty09@reddit
The Postal Service has one of the busiest Forensic labs in the country.
WarrenMulaney@reddit
FBI*
*Female Body Inspectors
Technical_Plum2239@reddit
Even when I was 12 or 13, I knew I would get sexually harassed or catcalled by a dude wearing this not-uncommon shirt.
HurlingFruit@reddit
Ewwww. Yuck. So sorry for you.
According-Bug8150@reddit
The National Park Services Investigative Services Branch.
They're like a mini FBI that handle stuff like crimes in the parks or the theft of Teddy Roosevelt's pocket watch.
Folksma@reddit
If you ever are a fed/contractor/volunteer in a federal building...never piss off the nice folks in the badging office
Your security clearance and badge will take months to be processed
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