Caught a bloke having a wee up my drive, how would you react?

Posted by bluehobbs@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 347 comments

I was walking back home when I saw, what looked like, a man walking up my drive. I was too far away to be sure so just assumed he went up the adjacent path. Got closer and saw he did come out of my drive. When I looked towards it, there was an obvious piss-mark up the wall and on the floor. This was only a metre away from my car. I confronted him and after denying it at first, admitted he did it because he ‘couldn’t hold it’. I bollocked him for it (rightly so in my opinion). He tried to excuse it by saying he has kidney issues, but I don’t think that excuses him going up someone’s drive and up near their car to have a piss?) (Found out after the fact he’s a known alcoholic too, he did seem drunk but couldn’t be sure, it was only midday) What would you guys have done?

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347 Comments

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DivasDayOff@reddit

Don't buy the 'medical issue' explanation. That's purely a guilt trip to try to get you to excuse their appalling behaviour. I had a date with a guy once who literally wet himself as we were walking down the street. He claimed a medical condition too to guilt me into letting him off, and I fell for it at the time. It was only later that I put the pieces together and figured out he was most of a 3 litre bottle of cheap cider into the deal on the train heading up to our meet. It didn't take me long to figure out that he had a serious drink problem. Obviously that was our last date. I suffer from chronic urinary tract infections. Often the transition from 'no urge at all' to 'desperately need to go' can kick in in a matter of seconds. I wouldn't dream of using it as an excuse for urinating in public. When it's really bad, I don't stray that far from a toilet.

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Infamous-Ordinary-39@reddit

Please watch on YouTube the This Morning article from this week on UTI's (Mon or Tues, I think), you may benefit from a new antiseptic(yes, weird huh) drug.

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DivasDayOff@reddit

Thank you. I'm on my second 6 month course of Trimethroprim after Ciprofloxacin and Nitrofurantoin both seem to have stopped working, presumably due to bacterial resistance. I'll discuss this option with my GP when this course ends.

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Infamous-Ordinary-39@reddit

https://inews.co.uk/news/health/chronic-recurrent-uti-drug-nhs-3367761

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Fickle_Acanthaceae17@reddit

Kicked his teeth in 👍

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OkPalpitation9246@reddit

Ask him if he has any medical issues(if he’s comfortable telling you). If he does have any related to the situation, just install a gate. If he doesn’t, you can sue for damaging your property.

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LobsterMountain4036@reddit

I would chastise him, thus: “I say, rather…”.

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Few-Role-4568@reddit

Is this the serious or the joke subreddit? Tell him it’s inappropriate for him to be touching a child’s knob in public.

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sailingmagpie@reddit

<Insert taking the piss joke here>

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Apprehensive_Rate959@reddit

I'd make sure he sleeps it off, double checking that he's asleep and not dead from the hit

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DickSpannerPI@reddit

I do not believe there is a man alive who has not urinated on somebody else's property at some point in their life. I believe there are some women who haven't - but that's to do with the practicalities of doing so, and most of them will, instead, have urinated behind a bush. If you find this behaviour incomprehensible, my suspicion is that you need to get out more.

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DennisTheConvict@reddit

Peeing in the doorway of a business or against a tree is one thing. Walking up someone's drive and pissing on their house is wild.

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Amosral@reddit

Please not against the doorway. It gets under the doors and into the hinges. Stinks everything up and makes things rust. Generally makes a very unpleasant working environment. Someone has to clean and maintain those doors, they're usually fire exits. Pee on the wall or down the drain!

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DennisTheConvict@reddit

I know that's general information for people passing by and not directed at me, but I feel I shout reiterate. I see it, I don't do it. I piss in urinals 95% of the time, with 5% being in poop toilets when the urinals are in use.

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Majestic-Ad-3742@reddit

Peeing in the doorway of a business is disgusting as well.

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DennisTheConvict@reddit

No arguments from me. You see it in any major city though. I've never seen anyone walk up someone's driveway and have a pee.

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GodfatherLanez@reddit

But there’s a difference between possible up the side of a building down an alleyway, and waltzing onto someone’s driveway to piss over the front of their house.

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Equivalent-Desk-5413@reddit

waltzing onto someone's driveway ' lol 😁

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No-Structure-8125@reddit

Most women will have urinated behind a bush? I've never urinated in public and don't know any women who have. My parents taught me from a very young age that you hold it until you get to a toilet. Why anyone thinks it's acceptable to urinate in public is beyond me. I have never once been in a situation where I couldn't wait. (Yes I am aware some people have medical issues and it's not that simple for them, but that's not the majority of people.)

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cmdrxander@reddit

I went for a slash against the side of a pub that said I was too drunk to come in when I said I just needed to use the toilet on the way home from a night out. I think that’s a fair deal.

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pajamakitten@reddit

It was an Iceland for me when I was coming back from a pub crawl. I now claim ownership of that Iceland.

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angry2alpaca@reddit

I had a 4-hour walk home from the village pub, some years ago. I lived in the village, it was only ~500m away. It was also the only pub and I don't recall crawling - but I do remember peeing in two privet hedges on the way. There's only one house with a privet hedge en route, however. I distinctly remember two lamp posts, as well: used the light to roll a fag while leaning against the post. Twice. There's only one streetlamp, as well. Haven't been that smashed since, strangely.

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Paracosm26@reddit

Are you going to claim ownership of Sweden, Denmark, Norway and Finland next?

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pajamakitten@reddit

Depends on how my first conquest goes.

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Freebornaiden@reddit

One night drinking in London I rode the bus the wrong way. Realised my mistake and turned around. By the time I reached my stop I was bursting so had no choice other than to use a pillar from the front of the Head Office of Barclays (or was it NatWest?).

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Mindless_Let1@reddit

/r/dog_irl

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CrazyMike419@reddit

That's how my dad got banned from his local in the 80s. Went pee against the wall after being turned out, shitfaced so was holding onto a doorframe (side fire escape). He was focus down, on the stream he was now aiming at the steel door. Tales him a moment to realise he's no longer looking at the bottom of the door. He's looking at shoes... Landlord had opened the door at the wrong time and was feeling the wrath of a welshmans stream if justice. "mikes dad" youre banned! Very confused my dad looked up to see the landlord and ofc his aim followed his gaze. The landlord was dodging the pee before he realised that doors can be closed. Dad did say sorry once he'd finished lol

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

When I read the "shoes" part, I snorted 🤣

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castlerigger@reddit

This rationale and precedent was documented in ‘Big Daddy’ with Adam Sandler and I’m sure that’s legally binding. I pissed on a bush last weekend outside someone’s house. I was coming home from the pub, what am I going to do, piss my pants? Since OPs dude didn’t even piss his pants, is it even fair he’s described as an alcoholic? He enjoys a pint or two, would be fair. Spirits don’t tend to get you pissing like a horse - it’s the pints. Especially having to down 3/4 when they chuck you out. It’s bound to lead to pissing on peoples drives and bushes.

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bluehobbs@reddit (OP)

Actually the night before I had a piss outside, in some bushes/trees well away from a path or someone’s house - that’s understandable. The fact you think this is acceptable is mind blowing. So you wouldn’t mind someone pissing at the side of your house on your drive, in your garden?

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SpareDesigner1@reddit

This. I live in a small village, but on the main road. We’ve had people pull up outside our gate and piss through it on to our drive. There were any number of deserted country roads and forested lay-bys on their way they could have easily turned off on to if they needed to relieve themselves, but they chose to do it on to somebody’s drive, fully lit up by lampposts. It tends to be drunk young men. A combination of alcohol and caddishness makes people act in a very antisocial fashion for no reason whatsoever.

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FluffyBunnyFlipFlops@reddit

Animals are pissing all over your property all the time. Birds are shitting all over it, too.

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case2010@reddit

So you don't mind if I come and take a shit outside your front door because birds are doing it too.

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FluffyBunnyFlipFlops@reddit

If you do shits as small as a bird, sure.

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case2010@reddit

I don't.

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Overall-Tree-5769@reddit

Please keep this conversation going I am interested to see where it ends up

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BritshFartFoundation@reddit

I wouldn't love it, but it happens. If I saw someone in the act, I'd ask them to stop, and if I saw someone just after doing it I'd be like "mate...", but I probably wouldn't give them a bollocking. Also maybe sort of better he at least tried to find a secluded-ish spot rather than just piss on the actual pavement? I know that's a tough silver lining to see from your perspective though lmao

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WatermelonCandy5@reddit

It’s not acceptable in a way where we want people to piss anywhere and everywhere and no one finds it disgusting. It’s acceptable in that everyone has done it, who gives a fuck. I’m sure he didn’t do it for fun or to make you cry. I’m guessing he went down your drive because he didn’t want to expose himself. I’d do the same thing if I was desperate and had no where to go. Get over it.

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lemon-fizz@reddit

You people are such scruffs. You’re actually advocating for a man to waltz up somebody’s driveway to piss on their house? That’s a joke. It’s disrespectful and gross. If he really couldn’t hold it then I’m sure he could have found a spot that didn’t involve walking up someone’s drive to their house.

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Ok_Shirt983@reddit

Exactly,if he's used the letterbox it wouldn't have left any mess on the drive for the neighbours to see.

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Ill-Basil2863@reddit

It's only piss

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MRRichAllen1976@reddit

I humbly apologise but that's beside the pissing point innit?

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simonps@reddit

Look at this another way. If it was a cat or a fox that had pissed where the man did, how would you react? Ask yourself why its soo different that it was a human.

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Malamazu@reddit

Did the "Alcoholic Tiny Bladder Pissing" cult upvote this or something? Literal madness, what mongrels do you associate with that pissing on people's houses and drives is normal? Never done it once, nor has anyone I know. Actual goblin behavior.

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aintbrokeDL@reddit

I've done it to a fence as a student. Not proud of it but it was a public path. Walking onto property to do it is a bit much. Especially against a wall. A bush or even onto a drain would be more appropriate

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Flibertygibbert@reddit

Drunk student was pissing against my front wall so I shouted at him from the upstairs window\*. Uncertain who was yelling at him, he turned towards the sound ....and pissed on his mates. Freshers! 😁🙄 \* "Use the drain in the gutter!"

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aintbrokeDL@reddit

Pissing on someone's actual house is pretty nuts

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ALA02@reddit

Not saying its right but yeah if its between the hours of 10pm and 6am its more excusable. Doesn’t mean you should ever endeavour to piss on someone else’s property but sometimes when you’ve been on the pints you just have to go

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MaxDaClog@reddit

'Through' a bush, not 'behind. Certainly was the case in the 70s , anyway

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obliviious@reddit

I've pissed in many public places, but not someone's drive in broad daylight. I don't think I've ever walked into someone's garden and just pissed away.

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jkatarn@reddit

Hmm where do we draw the line? Next time if I really need to take a dump can I just shit on someone else's property? Will it be more acceptable if everyone's doing it?? I literally had that experience in my life before and as much as I wanted to, I held it in and crawled back to my house to do it.

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Yankee9Niner@reddit

I think you're absolutely correct but I'd still be , pardon the pun, pissed off if I saw some stranger pissing in my garden.

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mattamz@reddit

I was stupidly drunk in Zante and pissed in a guy's garden (without knowing) he came out and started hitting me with a trunchen lol. He probably gets real annoyed I bet it always happens it's just off the main clubbing bit.

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Traichi@reddit

> I bet it always happens it's just off the main clubbing bit. From his reaction, I'm pretty sure it's a part of the main clubbing bit

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Downtown-Analyst5289@reddit

I would give the person a telling off them just off and say just knock next time you can use the toilet. Then wash the piss off. Dudes allready got issues no need to escalate. Plus in my youth I've peed on many a unsuspecting building, not proud of it but it is what is is.

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acezoned@reddit

Hoose pipe engaged

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Heypisshands@reddit

You are obviously young. You might reach a stage where you have only 30 seconds to reach a toilet or piss yourself. He chose not to piss himself and be slightly discreet which is fair enough in my opinion.

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TheTerminatorJP@reddit

I'd be pissed off.

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Spilled-My-Coffee@reddit

Everybody commenting to say "it's only piss" etc needs a big sign on their own driveway welcoming strangers to use it as a urinal I reckon. If everybody pissed on residential streets it'd absolutely stink after a short while, never mind wandering up somebody's driveway to do it 🤢

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Amosral@reddit

Yeah, these are people who have never had someone piss next to or into the entrance to a building. It's a fucking nightmare to clear up and the smell lingers for ages. Even in built-up commercial areas, if you absolutely have to pee in public, don't do it where someone has to walk!

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GXWT@reddit

You’re straight out of my local community Facebook page you.

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No-one_here_cares@reddit

People who are saying that please don't test that theory out on my drive.

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pajamakitten@reddit

It rains enough in the UK that the smell would wash away often enough.

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Traichi@reddit

> If everybody pissed on residential streets it'd absolutely stink after a short while, never mind wandering up somebody's driveway to do it 🤢 Nobody's suggesting that everyone do it all the time. But once in a blue moon it's really not a big deal. And there's thing called rain which get this, is actually water which just *falls* from the sky.

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BigFatBassPlayer@reddit

Threaten to chop off his cock.

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AtillaThePundit@reddit

Follow him home and piss on his drive like any normal person would

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skinnedben@reddit

Surely have to up the ante. Shit on his drive.

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Sid_Vacuous73@reddit

This escalation will surely end in our eventual arsageddon

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TheOrchidsAreAlright@reddit

Where do you go from shitting on someone's drive? I would probably consider fecal matter to be the most offensive bodily secretion that you could deposit on my property, excluding biological warfare

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BigMuthaTrukka@reddit

After the curry I had last night, both are in the same catagory

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

Vomit and shit on someone's drive.

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angry2alpaca@reddit

Puke on his poodle, shit on his Siamese.

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Sid_Vacuous73@reddit

Constantly bigger shits until you reach the A Bomb of turds.

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angry2alpaca@reddit

The T-BOMB! Coincidentally, the "Tsar Bomba" was the biggest thermonuclear bomb ever ....

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braddersladders@reddit

https://preview.redd.it/fdpmgokibypd1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58c76bd80a68af4bce6cc4c5132b8742c6588d66

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AlGunner@reddit

Eventually I guess one would hit the other with a shitty stick.

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OldEquation@reddit

Through his letter box on a Saturday morning after 10 pints and a vindaloo the night before. You should be able to pebbledash his entire hallway if you push hard enough.

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fugelwoman@reddit

Pebbledash I am howling

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angry2alpaca@reddit

It's a beautiful counterpoint to the old joke about the gynaecologist painting his hallway through the letterbox 🤣

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Sid_Vacuous73@reddit

lol that is both hilarious and disgusting in equal measures

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Yonbuu@reddit

https://preview.redd.it/9jaiepejqzpd1.jpeg?width=554&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c2fafa88c30d662f66a3df057cc0760f68f1f5e

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OwlPatient7252@reddit

Awesome, I haven't drank for years but do remember beer shits the day after we're always impressive 😅👍

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RevolutionaryTale245@reddit

Secretion or excrement?

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Impossible-Invite689@reddit

Smearing shit under door handles?

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Big-Finding2976@reddit

If biological warfare is secreting from your body, you should see your GP or call 111.

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HamsterEagle@reddit

Door step.

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StonedMason85@reddit

Shitting in their pillow case is next.

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Asleep-Carpenter9829@reddit

Just don’t forget your shopping.

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skinnedben@reddit

What a callback. Bravo. I can't stop thinking about the shopping and shit.

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

Nuclear level shit 💩

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HotelPuzzleheaded654@reddit

The previous commenter was anti retaliatory drive piss. The duality of man.

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit

Moreso because I don't think it would particularly bother them than for any moral reason.

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powpow198@reddit

Keep pissing until it bothers them

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Impossible-Invite689@reddit

You're supposed to piss over their piss whilst maintaining eye contact to assert dominance.

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Darkened100@reddit

Piss though his letter box

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ZeCerealKiller@reddit

I'd escalate it by shitting there instead

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v2marshall@reddit

Wipe shit in his front door 🚪

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adamh02@reddit

A good old pissing contest.

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

Damn, we thought the same

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bluehobbs@reddit (OP)

!answer

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AlGunner@reddit

Front door, not drive. He might not notice it in his drive.

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AtillaThePundit@reddit

Through the letter box . No half measures .

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AlGunner@reddit

Some of those things could circumcise you though, too risky.

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Muttywango@reddit

This is a situation requiring pissdiscs.

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BestTsarBombaEver@reddit

Have a curry laced with industrial-grade laxatives the night before. Then just unleash that unholy mess all over his door and driveway.

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NikeHoodie@reddit

Front door handle

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GregoireLeFrog@reddit

Raise your bet and take a shit on his porch

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dutchcourage-@reddit

I think a shit on his door step would be the required level of retaliation.

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Snaggl3t00t4@reddit

Liquid shite through his letterbox even...

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MRRichAllen1976@reddit

Two wrongs don't make a right, idiot. Personally I'd report him to the Police.

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mand658@reddit

Did you really read that as genuine advice?

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pajamakitten@reddit

> Two wrongs don't make a right, idiot. A number two wrong might.

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AtillaThePundit@reddit

Oh dear . Shown yourself up here . Missed an obvious joke . Called me an idiot . *holds up mirror* here’s the idiot. Take a good long look at yourself .

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Dan_Glebitz@reddit

The amount of times I drive back to my flat to find a 'Visitor' parked in the clearly signed 'Residents only' parking, forcing me to park up the road, makes me so want to follow them home, and when they next go out park my car on their driveway. Not sure of the legal ramifications of this though. You may have a similar problem if you piss on their driveway?

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SnaggingPlum@reddit

Piss on him

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OddlyDown@reddit

What are people meant to do? ‘Taxpayers’ demand that public toilets are closed because they want their council tax bills to be as low as possible. They consistently elect people who do this. People will still need the toilet.

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Spilled-My-Coffee@reddit

It's only ever men who are like "well what else am I supposed to do" lol women seem to manage to solve the problem of finding a toilet or at least somewhere well out of the way just fine 😂. Whenever I have the unpleasant misfortune of having to watch (and smell, and try not to step in) another adult piss in public, it is always a bloke. Do they just think women don't piss?

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Equivalent-Desk-5413@reddit

or in lifts ? stinks 😳

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tidder3523@reddit

Because men can have conditions what women don't. What makes them need to pee more especially when they get older And you can do damage if you hold it So I'd rather not be insensitive to these issues because they happened to men

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Spilled-My-Coffee@reddit

can you enlighten me what 'conditions' you're referring to? would it be insensitive of me to point out the lack of pregnant women pissing openly in public? despite this being a well known condition to cause bladder urgency? do only men risk kidney and bladder issues from 'holding it'? I'm not suggesting holding it for too long is at all healthy but holding it until you get to a loo is pretty standard behaviour. You can get a card for a disability which makes your need to go urgent which allows you to use toilets normally off limits to others. And I can assure you there are as many women as there are men with this need. my gran in her 90s had 6 kids and a weak pelvic floor as a result. Still haven't once seen her perform a squat and squirt in a public place.

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tidder3523@reddit

but if this was a pregnant woman or old lady would you be blaming them or pointing out the medical issues

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hamjamham@reddit

Slightly different but I've seen two royal mail posties pissing on people's walls/houses in the last few months.

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PaleSeal@reddit

Someone I know had a postie shit on their wall. The person thoguht it was a fox or something like that, so cleaned it up and didn't think much of it until a couple representatives from Royal Mail turned up a week later with a massive bunch of flowers to apologise.

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callisstaa@reddit

Did you just shit on my wall? Sorry mate thought it was a fox.

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Equivalent-Desk-5413@reddit

how do you 'shit on a wall' ?

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Alas_boris@reddit

Did the postie fill in a red form to say that he had left a package behind the wall?

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Beebeeseebee@reddit

So how would the Royal Mail representatives have known the postie shat on the wall? Did he go back to the depot and report the incident to his line manager? It doesn't sound like your acquaintance grassed him up. Maybe they have forms to fill in at the depot, to declare guerilla poos left in the line of duty. I hope they call it keeping a log.

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PaleSeal@reddit

Absoutely no idea, our guess was that one of the neighbours saw and reported it, or the postie reported it themselves. I mean, shit happens

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itsableeder@reddit

There are loads of new build estates going up near me and I'm constantly finding labourers pissing down the alley between our road and the main road, and I almost stepped in what was definitely human shit the other day as well. It's grim.

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hamjamham@reddit

Grim

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

You have now truly, seen the real nature of reddit.

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Flaruwu@reddit

Hopefully it looks better than that guys alley.

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Forte69@reddit

I’ve seen Amazon drivers piss in the bush outside my house, then come to my door and hand me a parcel. I now assume every parcel has been touched by pissy hands

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obliviious@reddit

Considering they're not allowed to stop somewhere to take a piss and many resort to pissing in bottles, this is very likely.

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N00SHK@reddit

Seen a few posties pissing in bushes, saw one woman use the same bush twice now aswell. Guess if you gotta go, you gotta go.

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Theremingtonfuzzaway@reddit

Caught a guy pissing up the building at work, as it's an area where crack heads are notorious, and I was incharge of the place, I headed his direction with a crow bar. We've had incidents of people shooting up in bin stores. He saw me and ran away, little todger flapping in the wind , pissing all over him self.

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Ultra_Leopard@reddit

I'd rather they knock on and ask to use our bathroom!

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Educational-Month182@reddit

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this as a female home alone, maybe they feel it could put people in an uncomfortable position? I'd rather see someone pissing in public than someone ask to use my bathroom...

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Ultra_Leopard@reddit

Oh that's fair. My husband and I both work from home, so never alone! I wouldn't want a random to be asking anyway, but a postie in uniform I'd say yes to. I have no issue with people peeing in public, as long as it's not on my property and they try to be discreet.

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Both-Mix-3852@reddit

You gotta do what you gotta do.

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BeardedBaldMan@reddit

He's already pissed on my driveway so other than saying something along of the lines of "That's not on, don't piss in people's drives" there's not much else to do. It's not like I'm going to follow him home and piss on his drive.

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powpow198@reddit

Piss on his leg while he's getting his keys out

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MassiveLefticool@reddit

I’m getting what you’re saying 😉

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MoaningTablespoon@reddit

The comment below seems to disagree 😅

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theMooey23@reddit

Now above......lol

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AverageSkoomaEnjoyer@reddit

You're not going to follow him home and piss on his drive? What is the world coming to?

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ARobertNotABob@reddit

I was once obliged to allow a shart's exit on someones flowerbed in their drive. Beleive me, it was cutting it fine as it was. What they must have thought next morning I dread to think...I have guilt now of course, 40 years later, I probably didn't give it another thought back then. Hope it hosed off easily ....*shudders*.

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ASpookyBitch@reddit

Get the garden hose on him. Assert dominance with a superior stream.

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acsaid10percent@reddit

Tell him he's taken the piss, and give him a jar.

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LegendaryTJC@reddit

Are you going to remember this in a week? A month? It's not really a big deal, I'd try to move on and not worry too much about it unless it becomes a pattern.

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Nyx_Necrodragon101@reddit

I would laugh and say "I haven't seen one that small since my son was born"

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No_Nothing_8750@reddit

Punch his lights out.

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antwon1410@reddit

Break into his car and lay a steamer 💩 on the driver seat

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PastPanic6890@reddit

A garbage man recently peed on our property - I think not the first time. When they came round the other direction I asked him not to do that. He replied it was too urgent, after which I told him to ring next time, he can use our loo, I'm 100% homeoffice. They can all get a coffee if they have time too, but don't pee on my yard.

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Burning_Ranger@reddit

Make a frozen pissdisc and shove it through his letter box

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Fun-Breadfruit6702@reddit

You are an ass, I’m a doctor lots of old people have bladder problems and need to pee within 30 seconds of knowing they need to pee

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CannabisPatientUK@reddit

I would also add to tell him that he would feel better when he empties his baws too.

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wyzo94@reddit

I used to live on a very busy street and caught a guy pissing at my stairwell front door. I was about to shout at them then realised that I've probably had a good drink and done this or similar before. Just walked up behind him, said excuse me and next time do it in the alley at the bins

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circle1987@reddit

Chop his dick off.

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After_Exit_1903@reddit

Go to his house, have a paper bag full of dog poo with you, set it on the front doorstep-area and light the bag, rap the door loudly, now run as fast as you can to a hiding place and have a good old giggle at what ensues 😂 https://preview.redd.it/125tjcjk11qd1.png?width=383&format=png&auto=webp&s=a25e65d705634cf02b623b3e0e6512e6725b437f

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Zelkeh@reddit

You're going to be shocked when you hear about these things called dogs they have now. They piss on everyone's drive if they can!

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SusieC0161@reddit

I caught our postman doing that on CCTV. Got a notification that something hadn’t been delivered as we weren’t home, but we were. Checked the CCTV and Ring doorbell to see if he rang the bell and caught him putting the package in the bin, pissing in the drive, picking the package up again and walking off without ringing or knocking. I wanted to send it to Royal Mail but my husband had sympathy and deleted it.

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zzady@reddit

Taking a whizz up against the locked doors of a neglected public convenience is the ultimate form of political expression.

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NebCrushrr@reddit

Shit in his hat

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apurpleglittergalaxy@reddit

A homeless bloke pissed on the drive of my old house years ago the only thing I was worried about was that he was gonna break into my boyfriend's van and nick his tools so I called 111 to ask what to do and by that point he'd passed out on my drive so I just left him to it.

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wonderwaffle980@reddit

Squirt him with hose. Full power. On the jet setting.

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FidelityBob@reddit

Tell him to piss off?

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Necessary-Trash-8828@reddit

You no longer own you property. It’s his.

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CaveJohnson82@reddit

I'd kick his knob off.

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Destroyer-Enki@reddit

Ever see 'people under the stairs'?

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Labs_in_Space@reddit

Hose pipe

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Foxidale3216@reddit

I’d have done what you did. Then maybe install a home camera facing the driveway. Or a gate.

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week5of35years@reddit

Omg… you go seven shades of mental at him and say if you ever see him again it’s the police….

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CaptMelonfish@reddit

Follow them home and wee on their property, assert dominance.

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adamh02@reddit

not the definition of a pissing contest I'm used to.

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Working-Hat4932@reddit

wee on them, that is real dominance

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

Legend

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adamh02@reddit

This sounds like a declaration of a pissing contest. You must find him and piss on his driveway.

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Jolly_Constant_4913@reddit

Having a word is enough. It's not something to get wound up about as a one off

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Large-Fruit-2121@reddit

Agreed. We've all got caught short. Is it annoying? Yes. Have a moan, clean it up and move on, life's too short to get worked up over shit like this. If it's happening regularly or the guy is purposefully pissing on your drive then it's a different story.

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ThugLy101@reddit

You should have pissed on him there and then fairs fair.

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T7MMU@reddit

The amount of people saying if he needed a wee, he needed a wee or that its just abit of piss make me laugh. You know full well they would be calling the police if it was their driveway. I'd probably of made him clean it up, then threatened him to not do it again

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snapjokersmainframe@reddit

Would absolutely not occur to me to call the police if this happened outside my house, and I really doubt they'd turn up for that call?

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OmegaPoint6@reddit

It is illegal, either under multiple council local bylaws or generally under the public order act. They probably wouldn't turn up but give them some evidence they could track the person down with & a fine could make its way to them.

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bahumat42@reddit

>You know full well they would be calling the police if it was their driveway. No? I'm as non-confrontational as they come and even I could manage a "can you not". Not to mention the police have enough trouble attending actual crime, I'm not wasting their time on this.

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pin00ch@reddit

I caught someone doing this is my drive. I told him to get lost and he didn't seem to have any idea he was in the wrong. Too drunk.

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miz_moon@reddit

I have endometriosis and bladder issues (urgency from nowhere and pelvic floor issues) but I’d never pee on someone’s drive wtf

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PitchNumerous4851@reddit

Kick his head in

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ToastedFork@reddit

Tell him to go piss on his own street.

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Ayyyyylmaos@reddit

You’re NTA, this is a perfectly reasonable reaction.

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holycowyo@reddit

Spray him down with your hose!

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Open-Weird-frog@reddit

There used to an old drunk who weed on my wall in his way home. Needless to say it stank to high heaven. I didn't know how to deal with it until one day walking the dog I saw him while I was on my way back. Waited for him to unzip as usual then went up to him and poked him with the stick I usually carry. I told him if he ever is seen here again doing this I won't hesitate to beat him up. Go home and pee! I said. He zipped up and never did it again.

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Ecstatic_Food1982@reddit

>poked him with the stick I usually carry. I hope this is for throwing for the dog because otherwise I have questions.

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

More importantly, where was the man poked?

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Open-Weird-frog@reddit

ROFL on his back when I went up to him, from far enough I didn't have to see him there

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Eastern_Bit_9279@reddit

Hope i had a water pistol handy

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theegrimrobe@reddit

honestly ... ide have battered him nobody fouls my property but my dogs

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just_some_guy65@reddit

Is this a euphemism?

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chrisl182@reddit

"need a hand mate?"

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PirateParts@reddit

Next time you see him, ask him how he's enjoying his YouTube fame. Maybe get a few neighbours to tell him they saw him pissing on YouTube too 🤣

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bluehobbs@reddit (OP)

The neighbours actually know him and said it was probably on her doorbell camera!

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Educational_Gas_92@reddit

Imagine getting caught on camera. Candid and everything.

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PirateParts@reddit

I meant just to wind him up. He'd be desperately searching YouTube for "Man pissing on drive." Might make him think twice in future 😀

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KeithMyArthe@reddit

I haven't (and won't) search for that. .. But I'll bet it gets loads of hits.

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Martin_y1@reddit

as he is an alchohlic, he wont care.

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PirateParts@reddit

Depends how much of a pisshead he is. OP said he didn't seem drunk at the time. Any respectable pisshead would be drunk before they left the house.

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Jolly_Constant_4913@reddit

This woman had a road rage incident with me. I was having a laugh about it in the office when I got back that i should have got my phone out and said did you just call me x race 🤣

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turnipstealer@reddit

What?

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dcute69@reddit

I'd probably just zip up and run away

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TalosAnthena@reddit

I did this once when I was a very immature youngster. What I would do is shout at them and chase them lol

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omegarho@reddit

Saw this about a now convicted six times rapist who got caught by harassing his neighbours by pissing in a flower pot, the police took a dna sample and matched it to six rape attacks in the past. I guess I would have just called the police about harassment.

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Diega78@reddit

Shit through his letterbox

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Yourepissed@reddit

Start pissing next to him and say “oh I thought it was a public urinal.. no wait! It’s MY house!”

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tallpaullewis@reddit

https://preview.redd.it/j2g1al5mqypd1.png?width=2400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b8927b8c55a47503ec1a7a1fe761b4557f807fa9 This professional cunt went for a piss in my porch in the middle of covid lockdown. Fortunately for him I wasn't in. He was the final nail in the coffin for me leaving England.

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Fluid-Act5517@reddit

The problem is if you do anything you're immediately in the wrong. I got told by one it'll dry soon. He had made the mistake of walking past my video doorbell so I sent it to the firm he worked for and asked if it was ok for their workforce to use my home as a urinal. He was working round the corner from me and his uniform had the name of the company he worked for. They contacted me and told me he had been dealt with. Offered to send someone round to clean up

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Comfortable-Bus-8840@reddit

Get over yourself? People have to pee. Have you ever had to pee and there was nowhere to go? It's not like he shit in an envelope and pushed it through your letterbox. I bet 20 cats piss on your lawn a day too.

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Significant_Eye_5764@reddit

Can't piss there mate

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Petrus59@reddit

Fit a urinal against your wall. Love not hate!

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flimflam6280@reddit

Walk up with a magnifying glass, hold it up and ask where the piss is coming from

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Postik123@reddit

I would have chastised him, then got a watering can of soapy water and washed the piss away. I'm not sure what more you can do really. It's not worth getting into a fight over some piss on tarmac and there's nobody to complain to who would be in the slightest bit interested.

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bluehobbs@reddit (OP)

Exactly what I did.

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notouttolunch@reddit

I think I’d do this too. It’s the sort of thing that happens once or twice in your lifetime. It’s not really any different to cats going into other peoples gardens and destroying plants with their disgusting spray killing your plants or shitting in your vegetable patch. That sort of thing happens repeatedly until the animal dies and is much more annoying.

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

[OP or a mod marked this as the best answer](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/1fl7bts/caught_a_bloke_having_a_wee_up_my_drive_how_would/lo1ktdq/), given by /u/AtillaThePundit. > Follow him home and piss on his drive like any normal person would --- [_^(What is this?)_](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/jjrte1/askuk_hits_200k_new_feature_mark_an_answer/)

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Majestic-Shopping-66@reddit

Followed him home to get his address , then written a stern letter explaining why his behaviour was unacceptable ..shat in the envelope and posted it through his door

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privilegedwhiner@reddit

Tell him to piss off.

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BarryFairbrother@reddit

Chop it off.

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paulbdouglas@reddit

I would have shouted something along the lines of, "OI! is that your travel cock, put that babies penis back in your trousers and fuck off"

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peachandbetty@reddit

Piss on his leg

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Scorpiodancer123@reddit

Tell him "Can't piss there mate"

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ServerLost@reddit

I mean would you rather somebody piss themselves than give your hedge a sprinkle? Absolutely zero chill some people.

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jaBroniest@reddit

Shoykd have rubbed the dirty pricks face in it, I'd have made him clean it. Piss stinks.

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bajingofannycrack@reddit

Taxi driver did that to me once. Called the taxi firm but because I couldn’t give his number plate they said to report to non emergency police number. He even left the a little folded square of toilet roll that he dabbed with…on my path…🥴

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uncomfortabledream@reddit

[stand there like this](https://images.app.goo.gl/xofiXuyqJGAJw3kj6)

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he-hates-water@reddit

Mate, that looks like a penis, just it’s a lot smaller.

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badger906@reddit

As someone who has a very small bladder and basically goes from zero to breaking their neck for a piss.. I can sympathise. So as long as no harm was done, I’d probably just joke “trying to mark your territory??”.

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Financial_Breath5433@reddit

Beat him severely and rub his nose in it. Bad dog

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usernamecreator10@reddit

Consider if it will matter in 5 years.

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Cantankerousninja@reddit

Piss on a plate 👌👌

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sleepyprojectionist@reddit

If you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. I’d rather he pissed up my wall than risked whipping his old chap out for a pee in a more public setting. People have ended up on a register for less. Based on the amount of rain we get as a country, chances are I might not even notice if someone did this to my house. Now if he was having a steaming great shit on the other hand…

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tidder3523@reddit

People forget or don't know that men can have issues with peeing a lot It's not a disrespect thing. It's a biology thing

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TheMinceKid@reddit

Wouldn't bat an eyelid.

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-Rhymenocerous-@reddit

Have this exact issue where I live. I live in a detached flat above a Betfred and there is an alleyway between the Betfred and Premier that leads to my carpark with a gate. People seem to think the alleyway is a public toilet. I've since put up signage and a CCTV camera that plays an alarm whenever someone enters the alleyway. Which has stopped the problem. Also put up a sign on the gate which reads "All video recordings of public urination will be passed on to local police, no exceptions" I've had a few tussles in the past over it. I've pulled into the alley to open the gate and caught people with their dick still out and forced them to clean it up with whatever I can get out of the back of my van. At one point I used to keep a super soaker filled with my own piss and whenever I caught someone pissing on the gate (pre-CCTV) they'd get a full pressure golden shower. I've caught roadworkers mid piss before and recorded them from my roof balcony and sent it off to their company etc. Usually I can look past it but when someone mouths off at my wife when she catches them i'll go down and go apeshit. Literally no excuse for it when theres 2 pubs less than 200yards from my place to go have a piss. IMO you're well within your rights to go batshit at anyone taking a piss on your drive

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takesthebiscuit@reddit

By taking the piss!

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FunMathematician6949@reddit

Yell "FLOOR SUCKKKKK!"

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Cleeecooo@reddit

I walked onto my drive as someone was about to start weeing on it. I just let him use the toilet and he was equal parts thankful, ashamed, and apologetic. I found it pretty funny overall as I would've been the same had the shoe been on the other foot. Not really worth getting wound up over, sometimes you just get caught short.

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Jeb-o-shot@reddit

Probably gone now

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Jynxmajik@reddit

My daughter caught a young lad pissing against our front wall. She got the hosepipe out and made him clean it down. This was years ago and she has now moved out, the boy was a friend of a neighbour's son and is apparently still scared of coming down our road in case he sees her again. Needless to say, I am a very proud mum.

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hojicha001@reddit

Where was your piss bucket? Y'know, the one that you're supposed to leave there for times like this. Where else was he supposed to go if you don't have one?

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RandomAho@reddit

Unless he does it regularly, I'd just get on with my life. I've occasionally pissed in places that weren't ideal, but when you gotta go...

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THX39652@reddit

Had a very similar issue, Friday nights several late teens would piss up the side of my car on the drive, probably because it was the first bit of cover on their walk from the nearest town us being the first house in the village. Caught them one morning (around 4am) confronted them on my own (not the best idea) after some general threats I pointed out they hadn’t seen the cameras then and if they didn’t stop it I’d put the videos on YouTube and didn’t think they’d want the world seeing their tiny cocks! They backed down and it didn’t happen again.

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metalmick@reddit

I’ve had bowel surgery. I can control my bowel movements but when I’ve gotta pee I’ve gotta pee

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ThatGothGuyUK@reddit

I had this one, except he was urinating against my front door and I was inside, it came through the door and all over my floor so I banged on the door which resulted in him trying to kick my front door in, I then had to call the police but he was never found.

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blackmoonsun@reddit

Slap the cunt

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fasti-au@reddit

Seems like a fairly discrete places. Was it your doorstep or did he just need a leak. I mean I’m sure girls have been caught early before and would be preferring an option. Guys happen to have a fairly discreet option and to be Hines in Australia bbqs generally have a shed for the guys to pee behind because girls take longer and don’t need to be put out if we don’t care

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eezgorriseadback@reddit

I'd have done the same. I'd have had a right go at him. His health problems or addictions or whatever the fuck is wrong with him are not my problem, especially if he chooses to come and disrespect me and my home by having a piss on it. In fact he'd be lucky to leave my property in one piece.

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ciaran036@reddit

I honestly don't think anyone WANTS to piss anywhere other than a toilet. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and get on with my life. If there's no indication of any maliciousness then it's pointless to rant and rave about.

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caroline48uk@reddit

There is not much you can do. The last thing you want is some nutter coming back and doing it through your letter box because you p\*ssed him off. Just do what i do when my dog pees where he shouldn't - spray white vinegar over it to get rid of the smell and get on with your day. Sorry this happened to you though

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DugDog68@reddit

Push him over mid piss and hope he covers himself

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LuckyErro@reddit

Its just a piss bud. we all do it multiple times a day.

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Ryy86@reddit

Give him a basin of bleach and hot water to rinse it away :D

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ParkMassive@reddit

By the way, this culture of pissing in public, let alone in someone’s property as another commenter suggested, is not a thing in the whole world. In South America, (Argentina and Chile at least) pissing in a public road or park would only be done by the lowest in society, it’s just not acceptable and seen as very disrespectful. As for what I’d do? I’d take a photo. Of his face, I mean. And depending on how rude his response is, his face would be going in the local Facebook.

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Laylelo@reddit

It’s really not acceptable here, I have no idea what kind of weirdos have been drawn into this thread, but anyone who thinks it’s normal to piss in the streets is a rank little degenerate.

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ParkMassive@reddit

In the UK it seems commonplace that after 3 pints it goes out of the window. I swear “wild wee’s” were originally about being in a forest or something with no toilet in sight, not a Wetherspoons car park under the streetlight in full view!

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bladefiddler@reddit

I'd shout "Hey you scruffy cunt, fuck off!" If there were repeat occurrences I'd have a bottle of my own stagnant piss ready by the door to douse him with next time I caught him.

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markeymark1971@reddit

Have a shit and put it on his door handle

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TrickSpring275@reddit

I would have bollocked him too - that's your property he's relieving himself on ! I'm a male and may have been caught short a few times but would never do it in someone's private property. It was embarrassing a few years ago. I found what I thought was a quiet dark alley to do the deed however just as I was in the middle of it a very nice young lady walked up the alley towards me. I didn't know where to put myself - was either a matter of quickly finishing of and skulking off or casually getting on with it and saying "good evening"... I'm a bit more careful after that suffice to say

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ButtercupGrrl@reddit

You can't tell that story without telling us what you actually did. Play fair man!

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TrickSpring275@reddit

Well the young lady was obviously more than a little embarrassed and my reaction was somewhere between the "Good evening" and skulking off into the sunset. I'll leave the rest to your imagination..

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PsychologicalMix8499@reddit

I wouldn’t care.

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TMI2020@reddit

You piss on him, to assert dominance

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Venetrix2@reddit

Water pistol.

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Luvbeers@reddit

You call him an alcoholic like it is a character flaw... it is a disease. Have some empathy, ask him to use a bush next time not your wall.

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Unlikely_Major_6006@reddit

We’ve all been there. I’d laugh it off myself

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ConsciousGap6481@reddit

Me personally, I'd have asked them not to frequent my driveway for a piss, ask them to go on about their day. Chucked some water over it, and moved on.

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izzyeviel@reddit

Well I wouldn’t walk up to him & scare him

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practicallyperfectuk@reddit

Invest in a hose pipe and make sure you soak him next time you see him

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taeknibunadur@reddit

Have you never been in a similar situation as him? I have (on numerous occasions) and so would be pretty forgiving. I'd just laugh it off - it's embarrassing enough being caught expect.

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Mcharge420@reddit

Am pissing in a cup and throwing it over him 🤟🏼🤮

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topher2604@reddit

Find out where he lives and post a frozen disc of piss through his letterbox at night. When he wakes up in the morning he might just assume he's done it while drunk.

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helenahandcart@reddit

Might have prostate and bladder issues and was looking for somewhere discreet. People don’t generally want to urinate in full view of the public.

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MercuryJellyfish@reddit

NTA. If someone has medical issues, yes, we will usually be decent people and help accommodate. But at the same time, that person knows they have an issue, and should have a plan in place. "I'll just piss on someone's house" is not an acceptable plan.

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scs3jb@reddit

Hopefully it will ward off foxes and not attract female scousers.

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majingou@reddit

Well shoot him, of course

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MercuryJellyfish@reddit

All the way up your drive? Impressive.

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Emergency-Increase69@reddit

Offer him some toilet paper?

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snapjokersmainframe@reddit

Nothing much, given him a dirty look maybe? It's only a bit of piss, it's no big deal really.

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Sambuccabplus@reddit

NTA I'd say. I doubt he meant to upset you but there's thousands of places for an emergency piss that are more appropriate than someone's property. No further action required, I bet the bloke will think twice before doing it again.

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Mark_fuckaborg@reddit

Rub his face in it? Or sponge the piss up and create a pass disc. You know the rules.

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GronkSpot@reddit

I'm no Hyacinth, I wouldn't react. I couldn't care less. I'd be slightly embarrassed for interrupting him. I'm sure my driveway isn't his first preference but when nature calls...

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jimbo16__@reddit

Go for some one-up-manship and shit on his doorstep

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ComprehensiveAd8815@reddit

Politely say sorry for inconveniencing him, so a silent tut, Mutter “ don’t do it again” under your breath get on with your life but seethe with rage for eternity is the British way

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DarthMaulofDathomir@reddit

Top comment: follow him home and piss on his drive Second comment: Its not like I’m gonna follow him home and piss on his drive

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MB_839@reddit

The medical thing is probably bollocks. If he's an alcoholic, he's an addict. Addicts lie. He may genuinely not have been able to hold it, but most likely due to being drunk at midday. Even if he was telling the truth about his medical issue, there are many mitigating steps you can take rather than just pissing anywhere you like. Something like "Don't piss on my drive again" would be sufficient. It's not that big a deal, but it's not exactly pleasant or something to let slide either. NTA.

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pajamakitten@reddit

Offered him a spritz of aftershave for a £1.

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zzonn@reddit

A disappointed bollocking and then moving on with my life.

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ProfessionalAlive916@reddit

Once , I wouldn’t be bothered as at times it really is an emergency; we’ve all been there. But any other time I caught them pissing there after I’d be annoyed.

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Fishy-Ginger@reddit

Put on my mask and get the machete out and loudly exclaim there's another human horn for my collection then chase them whilst screaming. Is there any other answer?

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85Flux@reddit

Had a guy piss up the wall where I once worked, town center and small alley to our office door. I happened to walk past and wondered what the sound was from inside so looked out the window above the alley, thankfully I had half a cup of cold tea. So throw it at him and we both continued on my way.

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blinky84@reddit

Some guy pissed on my living room window once, absolutely rat-arsed after a football match. I called the police; not so much for the piss, but more for the fact that he was staggering about cheering with one hand in the air and the other waving the wee man around. They didn't get him, but he was probably headed for the supporters bus anyway. Not sure if I'd have bothered calling the police if it wasn't for my place being in an area with a lot of foot traffic, and him proudly displaying his willy to the world at 6pm on a Saturday. It does feel violating though.

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Scr1mmyBingus@reddit

Tell him to fuck off and then move on with my day.

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BeanOnAJourney@reddit

I would seethe silently to nobody for ages but I wouldn't *do* anything other than hose it away.

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Dax_Thrushbane@reddit

Pushed him to the ground and pissed on him .. see how he likes it.

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Scarred_fish@reddit

It's a lot more normal than pissing inside a house. Well done him.

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Electrical-Bad9671@reddit

an alcoholic pissed on your drive, you had a stern word, he felt shame and won't do it again. I don't think you need to do anything else.

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Grand-Bullfrog3861@reddit

Big bucket of water

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fionnkool@reddit

Throw a bucket of water on him

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theProffPuzzleCode@reddit

Wash it away and move on with your life.

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Brutal-Gentleman@reddit

Follow him, shit on his doorstep

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bleach1969@reddit

Piss through his letter box.

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Brutal-Gentleman@reddit

What if he has a dog? Should I put peanut butter on it just in case?

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fezst@reddit

I had a deliveroo driver piss on my drive once. Had it all on camera and everything. Reported it to the company and nothing really ever came of it, didn't even get any vouchers for free food.

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Fit_Lifeguard_3722@reddit

The man may just have been a local restaurant, and was marking his territory.

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Siggi_Starduust@reddit

I’m reminded of an old Frankie Boyle bit where he was talking about life in Scotland and said “I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o’clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.”

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Ill-Basil2863@reddit

We've all done it

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_User-Name_Taken@reddit

Pissed on OPs drive?

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Drummk@reddit

Bottle it up, go round his house and pour it through the letterbox

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Difficult-Broccoli65@reddit

Report him to plod

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Mark-Viverito@reddit

I apologize for pissing up your drive. Seriously though, when you have to go... so i'd sympathize while telling them to fuck off and don't come back.

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BushidoX0@reddit

Pop a squat and curl one out Real treat shit

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StationFar6396@reddit

Show dominance, piss on top of his piss.

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RudeAntelope6869@reddit

I live near a pub and had someone doing this on my driveway and bush on a day England were playing in the Euros. I just happened to notice him. Shouted out that he was a filthy prick, he was hammered and said sorry and that was about it. Just poured a bucket of water over it after and that was it, nothing more that could be done. To be fair I’m surprised that’s the only time I’ve had it happen.

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Cardabella@reddit

Hose him off

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KermitsPuckeredAnus2@reddit

I was busting for a Jimmy so hard that I once pissed on my own driveway, couldn't get my key out of my tight jeans without disrupting the equilibrium of my laden bladder.

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Gisschace@reddit

Back in the day when I was a student our terrace house was right by the park and you'd get men coming for a quick pee in the alley. We all used to go round the back as the front room was a bedroom and they'd always look startled when they saw 20 year old girls coming towards them telling them how gross and disgusting they were. We used to take it further and get a pan of water and start making out we were going to throw it over them if they didn't stop pronto. One time this old fella joined in the shaming, shouting from the top how gross it was. So maybe some public shaming????

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GoogleHearMyPlea@reddit

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

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desirodave24@reddit

Lol funny story- we had a drunk guy walk up our drive to have a wee on our google camera. By the time it had alerted me n I had tuned in he had started. I said over web cam "you know ur on camera don't you" Poor guy stopped mid steam n run off

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Lewis2k16@reddit

The obvious reaction is to follow them home and shit through their letter box

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terryjuicelawson@reddit

One of those things where it would be very annoying seeing that, but if I was busting for a piss and there was a convenient place I could quickly go without being seen, I'd take that chance. I think someone's property isn't ideal though, it needs to be like a back lane or a hedge or something.

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pragmaticcircus@reddit

‘You can’t piss there mate!’

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Future-Rush5967@reddit

If your that bothered get a hose and wash it down

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EconomicsFit2377@reddit

>What would you guys have done? Fetched a bucket of water and a sponge for him. I'd have considered pissing on him while he did it but it's a potential common assault charge

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dayus9@reddit

Nothing, it's just a bit of piss.

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DeifniteProfessional@reddit

This is the problem with this country. No backbone for when someone unleashes a urine sample up your garden path

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28374woolijay@reddit

Get a gate

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AdonisCarbonado@reddit

I would take the piss myself - he either gonna have to try and wipe it off or perhaps I go and get him a pack of baby wipes to 'clean' it up and just stop before it was tantamount to bullying.

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zephyrmox@reddit

Moved on with my life. It's only piss at the end of the day. If it were a regular occurance I'd be more annoyed.

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Honest-Lunch870@reddit

>What would you guys have done? ~

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annonn9984@reddit

I caught a bloke fly tipping at the end of my road recently. I just went out, told him to clean it up, and he did. Job done.

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dinkidoo7693@reddit

Seems to be a mini pandemic of posts on here about people pissing on other folks property ATM Anyhoo I'd have had a go and then got some cleaner on it. If it happens again I'd report the twat to the police.

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Brian_from_accounts@reddit

You should have joined in then turned to him and said .. “come here often” He would never come back.

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pullingteeths@reddit

Tbh I would save myself the hassle and just forget about it, it'll probably never happen again and rain will wash it away

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MichaelMyersReturns@reddit

When nature calls......

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Working-Tale-7224@reddit

Younger me would react differently. Now I'd probably just let it slide. He's got bigger problems to deal with.

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EdmundTheInsulter@reddit

Complain to him like you did.

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Ok-Cauliflower-7760@reddit

I live in an end terraced house fronting directly on to the pavement and dogs frequently piss all over my house on the corner next to my front door. I go ballistic

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RichardTauber@reddit

The end of civilisation as we know it! He peed a metre from your car!! And he's an alcoholic!!! Maybe you need to get a sense of proportion.

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