ULPT REQUEST: How to send a letter without being able to trace it
Posted by loststrawberri@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 123 comments
Hi everyone,
I have an abusive ex husband I have worked very hard to flee and remove myself from. I now live in another state (it's not driving distance from where he is).
I accidentally took his SSN card with me and I've just seen it, over two years later. I'd like to send it back to him, but I do not want him to know where it's sent from. Im afraid putting something in the mail with no return address will still be marked with its original location. I'm asking here because I figure you fuckers might know how to do this.
Thanks in advance
Jumpy-Ad6470@reddit
Just don't bother sending it back. Toss it.
He can request a new one easily.
slobberypuppykisses@reddit
He's abusive. Fuck the asshole. I'm sure he deserves worse than the mild inconvenience of losing his SS card. OP, you owe him nothing.
fwoomer@reddit
Shred it. Do not throw it in the trash where someone might find it and do something nefarious with it.
Hot-Remote9937@reddit
OP, why are you being so stupid about this? Absolutely no reason whatsoever to mail that thing back. I swear half the stuff posted on this sub are just idiots with zero common sense
surk_a_durk@reddit
Hmmm yes it’s very appropriate for an edgelord 14 year old (or someone who speaks like one) to call a woman fleeing domestic violence “stupid.”
The adults are talking, sweetie.
Hot-Remote9937@reddit
Guess that comment really hit the mark. Don't out yourself like that
Kazgotflred@reddit
Because they want to low key reach out to their ex.
MossyRock0817@reddit
Agree. Dont know why this is being downvoted.
ChcknGrl@reddit
I'm guessing it has something to do with calling OP stupid. I'm sure OP has heard this a time or two as a survivor of an abusive relationship. Does the Reddit community really need to add to this?
Hot-Remote9937@reddit
Oh stfu.
Making a stupid post on reddit and lacking common sense has absolutely nothing to do with any past abuse
fasterfester@reddit
Maybe if you did something other than play diablo all day and try to be an edgelord on Reddit you’d have a clue.
Hot-Remote9937@reddit
Another idiotic post
ChcknGrl@reddit
That's quite a track record you have of aggressive insults towards strangers on the internet. You really are a miserable POS, aren't you.
Jumpy-Ad6470@reddit
mam this is reddit. Stupid
wolfhelp@reddit
Don't shred it, Leave it on a bench somewhere. This IS unethical remember
takeoutboy@reddit
Be sure to write a note, with his birth date, mother's maiden name, first pets name, and any other pertinent information on it.
fwoomer@reddit
lol, good point.
I was thinking, "Not giving it back is unethical enough." Clearly, I forget where I am. ;)
oxfozyne@reddit
We’re missing piss and shit somewhere here.
clever__pseudonym@reddit
I don't think you're being unethical enough, tbh.
Create a few social media accounts via a VPN and post photos of his ss card everywhere.
cbelt3@reddit
Hate to tell you this, but every single SS# is out on the dark web now.
Sad-Bathroom5213@reddit
Send it to a friend in another state and have them send it. That way there will be no local postal stamp on it.
401ed@reddit
If you had it for 2 years and he hasn't come looking he isn't going to. Keep it, burn it, use it for credit cards. Do not send it back. He's forgotten it or replaced it as well as you. Keep it that way.
AdImaginary6425@reddit
Put it in an envelope with his address on it and a stamp. Put that envelope in another envelope and mail it to a friend in a different state. Have said friend open outer envelope and mail inner envelope from their location.
Aiku@reddit
Why? Just throw it away.
Desperate_Set_7708@reddit
Inconvenience him and let him get a replacement.
He doesn’t deserve any better.
Xtay1@reddit
Send it to me, and I will repackage and then drop it in the mail for you.
scubahana@reddit
I was going to suggest the same. I’m in Europe.
Freshouttapatience@reddit
You should post a picture of it so we can help you decide. FR though throw it away and quit flirting with making any kind of contact.
Bruce0Willis@reddit
Burn it.
Sidewalk_Tomato@reddit
There is a risk of putting yourself in the forefront of his mind (if you're not still there), and of reminding him that you're a person who tries to do the right thing, which might amuse him if his conscience is small.
He may also assume that the card is "somewhere around", and not that you have it at all.
He uses the number itself more than the physical card, and would have it on his taxes and forms, or memorized. (I literally can't remember the last time something legit asked for the card, and not just the number). So either shred it, or lock it away somewhere logical and don't give it another thought.
He can always replace the card. At present usa.gov says it's free.
someone13936@reddit
you can mail it to SSA or drop it in a box I think fyi
hmiser@reddit
Great points about why going “no contact & and cutting all ties” is an effective strategy for recovery.
olkeeper@reddit
Don't risk it. Fuck him. And his lil card
SnapeVoldemort@reddit
Post it to the government or police. Let them Return it.
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Don't send it back. Why? He can get a new one. Not worth jeopardizing your peace. But if you drop it in a mailbox or at a post office box recommend driving several hours away tho) they will usually return to the proper owner. But I wouldn't go that far.
MyHairs0nFire2023@reddit
Shred it. He’ll have requested another one by now. And if he hasn’t, he can. You don’t owe this man the courtesy.
uxorial@reddit
The problem is that you are not asking this subreddit for anything unethical. If you don't want him to know what town it is from, then go to another town and mail it from there with no return address. Mail it to someone else and have them mail it to him with no return address.
Just to be safe, mail it to a friend and have the friend drive to another state and mail it to him with no return address.
cShoe_@reddit
This is the correct answer, i have done this
cShoe_@reddit
For sure SS cards are easily placed and since it’s been 2 years he probably already has done so. We lost everything in Katrina and are well versed with the VitalRecords website.
To answer your q tho, I mail anonymously using 2 methods:
Put item in a plain white envelope with a stamp and type the receivor’s address or have a friend write the address THEN
a) put the envelope you prepared inside another envelope with proper postage and mail it to an understanding fam member or friend in a city far away to mail from its hometown - in your case make sure your abusive ex is unaware of this person’s city or else he might connect this back to you;
OR
b) choose any city on the map and look up its usps address then put the envelope you prepared inside another envelope with proper postage and address it to Postmaster, 123 Whatever St usps is located at, Whatever Town usps is in, State Name zip code.
(I discovered above year’s back on a morning news show related to mailing christmas and valentine’s cards to family/friends from holiday related city names. It’s tried and tested, Postmasters in other cities do definitely mail this received mail just be sure to have a postage on it)
EclipseCaste@reddit
I had to deal with something similar once. I walked it into his gym and said ‘a customer of yours dropped this on his way out, I assume you can get his contact info off his profile.’ I understand both sides of some of the comments here and your point…you don’t wanna bring yourself up in their mind but you also don’t want the anxiety of it hanging over you or having to deal with the blow out of them demanding it if they come calling and you no longer have it. The same trick might work with their place of employment?
IamREBELoe@reddit
It's been two years.
It's been replaced. And it's really easy to do.
If you insist on the lunacy, the safest way is send it to your lawyer to forward to his lawyer.
Regular-Ad1930@reddit
He'll survive. Bastards like him always do. Toss that sucker out the window in a bad neighborhood. Call it , His time for Karma. Your conscious is clear. He gets NO mercy from you!
Puzzleheaded-Pass532@reddit
Or, you could "accidently" drop it in a place with a bunch of day laborers with a sticky note of your ex's birthday attached.......
fwoomer@reddit
It's kind of a pain in the ass to get a new one, but it's not what would might call "difficult."
If it's been two years, he might have replaced it already anyway. So, just shred it so no one can obtain it and do anything nefarious with it, and be done with it.
BirdFragrant6018@reddit
It’s ssa.gov and click the option to get a new card mailed. It’s even free. Not sure what the pain is.
fwoomer@reddit
When I had to get a copy of mine a few years ago, they made me make an appointment to go do it in person. Had to take ID and a birth certificate.
And, of course, even though I had an appointment, I had to wait forever. In an uncomfortable, small, windowless room that felt more like a jail holding cell (not that I've ever been in a jail holding cell). And I think I had to pay a $15 fee, or something.
So, maybe they've changed their practices. Maybe it's as easy as it should be now.
Blackhawk-388@reddit
That's because you called. You've been able to use the website for a very long time.
fwoomer@reddit
Nah. I don't use the phone as a phone if I can at all help it. Ever. There's no way I called.
There may have been some other factor that made going in a requirement. I don't remember.
Panda-768@reddit
oh no , do much trouble. OP should go and personally hand the card to him because what you described sounds like something against the Geneva convention. /s
OP, shred it into tiny pieces, burn it, and throw the ashes into a sewerage
CuriousSelf4830@reddit
He could have already replaced it by now. I'd trash it. No need to awaken the beast.
mercmcl@reddit
Don’t bother. He can replace it.
editorreilly@reddit
They have remailing services.
thundergun0911@reddit
This has to be a troll post. No one can be this stupid. Just destroy the card. He can get a new one. He probably already has.
Miserable_Ad_2293@reddit
Just a fyi. It’s easy enough to get a new social security card. I just obtained a new one last week. All I had to do was compete an online application. Then about 10 days later I received my new card in the mail. And there was no fee.
Ok-Boysenberry1022@reddit
It takes about 15 min to order a new one through the SS website. You’re putting more thought into this than the time it takes to order one.
vanchica@reddit
You MUST BE KIDDING-
Sharp_in_SoCal@reddit
Give it to the local social security office, and they'll handle it for you.
lifeonsuperhardmode@reddit
Mail it to the Social Security Administration
jagger129@reddit
Don’t send it to him, it’s not necessary. It’s not hard to order a new card if someone can’t find theirs
Apropos_of@reddit
Use an anonymous re-mailer service
MaeWest85@reddit
It’s very easy to get a new ssn card. Just toss it and move on to a happy life without that twat.
kendromedia@reddit
You can’t. Just toss it on the curb at your local Home Depot. Someone will get it back to him. I promise.
ILCHottTub@reddit
Send it to a trusted friend in another state in a larger envelope. Inside include the SSN card already stamped with his address and use that local main postal headquarters as a return address. If it gets sent back the post office will shred it or get it to him. Otherwise, he will only get the envelope stamped from the city wherever your friend lives.
spammmmmmmmy@reddit
https://rapidremailer.com/
SilverStory6503@reddit
Oh, good to know!
spammmmmmmmy@reddit
or see https://www.reddit.com/r/privacy/comments/189yp3m/remailingparcel_forwarding_physical_anonymity_in/
simplyTrisha@reddit
Throw it away. I misplaced mine, requested a new one and got it within a week. It’s no big deal to get another card.
Mr_Gaslight@reddit
He probably has a new one by now.
halfslices@reddit
You didn’t take it with you. In fact, you don’t even know where he used to keep it when you were together. Oh that piece of paper you found that looks like a social security card? That’s just trash, and you have our permission to toss it.
Kp1234321@reddit
If he’s that abusive, post that info online.
Confident-Act-7228@reddit
Burn it. Because he isn't a baby he can go get his own social security card. He doesn't deserve any more time from you.
Confident-Act-7228@reddit
Burn it. Because he isn't a baby he can go get his own social security card. He doesn't deserve any more time from you.
hdog_69@reddit
Here's a creative option. You could include a 'nice' note with it.
https://texashighways.com/culture/send-your-love-a-valentine-from-valentine-tx/
Blackhawk-388@reddit
A person can go online and order a new SSN Card extremely easily.
Express-Trainer8564@reddit
He has already ordered a new copy. Do not mail it.
PondRoadPainter@reddit
Request a new one from the Social Security Admin & have them send it to him.
Calgary_Calico@reddit
Don't bother. He can request a new one. Shred or cut it up and throw it away, or just throw it away if you'd like the idea that someone might steal his identity since he's a POS 🤷
PleaseDontEatMyVRAM@reddit
burn it
blanche-davidian@reddit
He can log into the Social Security website and get a replacement. Just junk it -- not worth the risk.
Gullible_Vehicle_136@reddit
If you absolutely feel it is necessary to return to him mail it to the local sheriffs department, social security office, dmv or some other local governmental agency without a postmark. Include a letter saying why you sent it to them and ask that they not reveal your postmark. You could send it to a friend or someone else.
Hot-Win2571@reddit
I was able to replace my card online.
https://www.ssa.gov/number-card/replace-card
passthepaintchips@reddit
If you want, you can dm me and send it to me in an envelope with a stamped envelope inside it with his name and address on it and I’ll happily put it in my mailbox so that it gets a Louisiana stamp on it.
Zealotstim@reddit
Mail it to someone else to mail for you.
BlueTrin2020@reddit
Is that a real question?
Panda-768@reddit
Give it to someone traveling to another state, preferably on the opposite side of the country and ask them to mail from there with no return address or something. Or ask them to drop it off at a police station as a lost item.
suejaymostly@reddit
Burn it.
suejaymostly@reddit
Or put it on a corkboard at a Home Depot. Your choice.
BirdFragrant6018@reddit
That’s actually a crime
suejaymostly@reddit
Ok, snitch.
IAmTheLizardQueen666@reddit
He can easily replace the card. No need to put yourself at risk. Just rip it up and flush it down the toilet with your next shit.
SnooWords4839@reddit
Just shred it, it's been 2 years, he can get a new one. Don't risk your safety!
RealDickGrimes@reddit
Send me instead, i collect paper and plastic
eltegs@reddit
Look. Plenty of people crave attention from strangers on the internet. There's no need to play such a part in pretend secrecy.
You should just try a role play sub.
plumdinger@reddit
You get a new SS card over the web now. Fill out a form, they mail it to you. No risk to abused former partners.
Tear it up and flush it down the drain, and STOP CREATING DRAMA.
Tw1ch1e@reddit
So you have moved on with your life and hopefully he has as well. Now that life is calm, you want to poke the bear again?!? What are you even thinking? Fucking toss it and move on…. Or, if you miss all the drama, mail it back.
pohlcat01@reddit
It took me like 5 minutes to get a copy of my SSN ordered online. it's not a big deal to order another. If he hasnt had it for 2 years, how can he say for sure you took it?? throw that shit away and pretend like you never saw it.
bcardin221@reddit
I have literally never used mine or shown it to anyone for any reason. Throw it away.
flyingpiggos@reddit
Drop it on the floor of a money Mart/ loan place
CapeMOGuy@reddit
In the past, you could send a stamped, addressed letter inside another letter that was addressed to Postmaster at a distant post office. They would open it, see the stamped envelope inside and mail/process it from there. Ask at your post office if they still do this. I think it used to be especially popular to get the cancelation stamp from novelty named towns like Christmas cards from Santa Claus, Indiana and Halloween cards from Hell, Michigan.
AnywayWhereWasI@reddit
He can request a new one. Dont
8urfiat@reddit
What Social Security card?
generic-curiosity@reddit
You can call your closest social security office and ask them about it. Maybe they can mail it from one office to the office closest where they can tell him to come get it.
Trying_to_be_cheeky@reddit
If you ever travel to his town, pin it to one of those bulletin board at a grocery store or carwash.
ChcknGrl@reddit
I wouldn't send it back bc it will only prompt him to try to figure out where it came from with sights on you. Why put yourself on his radar?
That said, if it will make steam come out of his ears wondering how the hell anyone got his card in the first place, send it from another city. Or send it to someone to send to him.
ChcknGrl@reddit
Or.... Send him half of the card.
zoomh3x@reddit
Not only can he get a new one, he probably already has. Shred it.
SomeBroOnTheInternet@reddit
Burn pile's pretty safe
SuzyLouWhoo@reddit
Put his address as the return address as well, and mail it next time you’re on vacation somewhere not in your home state.
OblongAndKneeless@reddit
The post office still cancels the postage with the office info
BestCaseSurvival@reddit
Hence "while on vacation out of state."
At best he'll find out where they were on vacation to within a couple of square miles.
RaccoonOverlord111@reddit
He can apply for a new one. It's easy. He'll know it is from you. Shred it.
Duellair@reddit
Hows he going to realize? I honestly think this is remnants of your past issues with this guy coming back. It doesn’t logically make sense that this guy will just know that you have it… vs. think it’s lost somewhere.
kingofthediamond@reddit
They stamp the envelope at the local post office. He would know the town it was sent in
Duellair@reddit
No. I’m saying how is the guy going to know she has the SSN card… why send it at all. Seems too risky to me.
kingofthediamond@reddit
Oh true
makingburritos@reddit
It’s been two years. He definitely got a dupe by now.
MossyRock0817@reddit
He abused you and you have the desire to help him? Burn it bitch. Let that dude suffer the way he made you suffer.
Slartibartfastthe2nd@reddit
If you feel you MUST return it for some weird reason, then wait until you are on vacation traveling somewhere and mail it from there. If you aren't traveling, then you likely know someone who is. You could ask them to drop it in a postal box somewhere for you.
too_many_shoes14@reddit
Your abusive ex husband doesn't deserve the cost of a stamp. Rip it up. He can get a new one, people do it all the time
louisss15@reddit
Shred it and say nothing, he can request a new one with a fee.
If you really feel like you must send it back: don't put a return address, travel to a different state (or at minimum different zip code), and drop it in a mailbox at a post office. The post office you drop it off at will postmark/stamp it with their local zip code.
No_Neighborhood_2542@reddit
Send it and use A post office address. Not the one you are sending it from. Id send it from Alaska or Hawaii as there are no surrounding states.
SJW_Lover@reddit
If he’s that abusive, fuck him and toss it in the bin
Ok-Manufacturer-5746@reddit
Send it to someone else to mail from there. Write it with gloves and new materials.