Feeling depressed after moving abroad. Don’t know what to do the silence is deafening.

Posted by CertainAd3444@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 32 comments

I moved to Milan on the 5th of this month to pursue my masters in design. It’s not been a lot of days. I’m 24F from India for context.

I’m usually a very happy go lucky relaxed person, at home I’m usually surrounded by friends and family. Since I’ve been here all I can think of is home my friends and family. I usually love travelling and new places but it’s something about the city that is not sitting right with me. I have a friend from home who is my roommate.

I constantly feel like crying and the quietness is getting to me. I’m worried I’m going to end up depressed. I started university last week and it’s been difficult making friends. I just can’t seem to fit in or even if I do, I can’t stop thinking about home.

I don’t know how to shake this feeling, it’s getting to me a lot. What do I do?

Thanks for reading.

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acwrecker@reddit

The first weeks are rough, with a lot of feelings, culture shock and worries/anxiety. It gets easier, but you just gotta take it a day at a time till it does. Try to speak to expats who’ve been there, go to activities and meet-ups and after a while you’ll feel less anxious.

Glass_Confusion448@reddit

something about the city that is not sitting right with me

The city is temporary. You aren't there for the city; you are there for your master's degree. The city is just background, so get to work on your academic program.

the quietness is getting to me

You're on the internet. Look up activities and events on your campus and in Italy that you can get involved in and enjoy. Then go out and do them, when you have time between classes and study.

I started university last week and it’s been difficult making friends

You are being unfair. People take longer than a week to get to know you and become friends. Show up, be reliable, do the work.

I just can’t seem to fit in

Don't fit in. Stand out. You're there to prove your hard work and creativity. If you just fit in, you are not succeeding.

BuKu_YuQFoo@reddit

Don't fit in - Stand out.

That's gold advice for any!

paspatel1692@reddit

Best advice out there. I’d add: you’re not alone in feeling like this. This is pretty standard when moving abroad, especially for the first time. It will become better in a few months.

AUiooo@reddit

Google search: Hindu+Milan+Italy in that format, lots of temples & restaurants come up and you'll make local friends & feel at home.

Milan is known for style & design and can do good for your career if you stick it out.

Tempio: Shri Vishnu Laxmi temple milano +39 347 763 4757

https://g.co/kgs/toiA6MV

parraweenquean@reddit

I remember the first 6 months after moving to Australia from the US (where I grew up) were some of the most difficult times of my life. Everything was new to me and I didn’t know anyone. I couldn’t even find work. It was so hard. I got my first job eventually and things started falling into place, and then I loved it!

Give it some more time, everything will feel foreign to you for a short while. Your own bedroom won’t feel like home for a couple months.

Jase7@reddit

Hey op, sorry you're feeling like this. My advice would be to give it time. Maybe join some groups, hobbies, etc. And get busy with the degree. You'd be surprised how time flies.

Catcher_Thelonious@reddit

This is a rather common topic in this subreddit. Use the search function for previous discussions. You are not alone.

nicodea2@reddit

There’s some great advice on the thread here that doesn’t bear repeating, but here’s what I’ll say as a former international student myself.

a) find other international students - they’re likely in the same position as you and facing the same culture shock, with no friends. These are the easiest friends you can make. Join the international students’ society if your uni has one, or speak to the international students office about groups / meetups.

b) join other student societies that you find interesting - this is how I made a lot of local friends. I joined badminton, pool/snooker, and the drama society for example and just hit it off with like-minded people.

and the quietness is getting to me.

Is Milan a strangely quiet place or are you just comparing it to back home? Having been to India dozens of times, there are not many countries in the world that can match that level of activity.

Mashdoofus@reddit

Everything you are feeling is real for you and don't let anyone dismiss your feelings or tell you to "just do xyz and it'll be better". Moving countries is difficult and totally different to travelling. It's completely understandable that you have a different reaction to having moved countries vs. travelling. I had travelled to 40+ countries before I moved to France last year and the initial adjustment was really terribly difficult. What was helpful for me was to look for things that I would enjoy back home (for me it was coffee shops and bookshops) and going there took me to different parts of town that naturally led to exploration. It takes time, one day at a time. And one day you will wake up and the adjustment period will be behind you, until then hang in there!

DatingYella@reddit

I really wish more of those people who want to move to Europe understood just how fucking difficult it is.

op is struggling and moving via a college is probably the easiest way.

Lysenko@reddit

Absolutely! Moving to another country is deceptively hard. Things that feel OK on day two can suddenly be very off-putting on day 30, or 90, or 300 (or 3000.) It can take time to adjust, to master all the unfamiliar things you have to do to get by from day to day, and to put down social roots in a new place. It can help to focus on the reason you're there in the first place and how that's important to you, but it's never easy.

Party_Nothing_7605@reddit

You’ve been there for like two weeks. Give it time.

LadyWithABookOrTwo@reddit

I completely understand. Every city has a different vibe and atmosphere to it. Some of us are more sensitive to the energy and vibe of the environment. I am one of those. I have lived in 3 different countries and multiple different cities and can definitely say some of the cities just felt off. Same with some of the cities I travelled to.

Do you have any spare cash to spend on travelling to different cities in the country during weekends or term holidays? If yes then focus on studies in Milan and spend your free time travelling around.

Dismal-Painter6057@reddit

My first year studying abroad was a constant rollercoaster, it’s totally normal. 2nd year in I found my groove, 3rd year I didn’t want to leave

Most-Zucchini-7064@reddit

Hi! So sorry you’re feeling like this. I/we get it ❤️‍🩹 it hurts so much to feel in the wrong place at the wrong time. From my experience (lived in 7 different cities in 4 different countries), it’s a gut feeling. You know immediately when it’s not the right place for you. Yet, as Italian, I can tell you that there’s SO much you can do in Milan. So much food you can try, movies you can watch, and I believe a big international community. Maybe you can try bumble, to meet new people? You can try courses for the same purpose, otherwise it’s hard to meet like-minded people = potential friends. My tip: try, cause you’re there and there must be a reason for this, but if it doesn’t work, it’s also okay. Some places are just not meant for us :)

heliophilist@reddit

Attend Vipassana meditation!

DruidWonder@reddit

Is this your first time living abroad?

I highly recommend you google "culture shock" and read all you can about it, including ebooks. There are stages of culture shock. Some stages can hit sooner than others.

It's early days for you. The beginning is always the toughest. I did school abroad in two different countries which were very different than my home country. One was China, the other was Brazil. The first month I was totally freaking out in both instances. My peers adjusted sooner than I did... it took me longer.

The main two things you need you practice are: patience and courage. You need to trust in the reasons why you chose to do what you did, and you need to be brave in forcing yourself to seek out new people and experiences. I am an introvert by nature which is why the socializing experience took longer for me.

My main tip is to try your best to not see the beginning as a sign of what the rest of your experience is going to be. The beginning is nothing. You're like a newborn infant right now. When I eventually left both countries and I looked back at the memories of the very beginning when I was sad and freaking out, it was NOTHING compared to all of the rich stuff that happened later.

Please give it time, allow yourself to grieve that you're not back at home, and be brave! It's early days and things are likely going to change for the better!

Defiant-Acadia7211@reddit

I think it's normal. You miss your network. I don't know if I could uproot myself without a safety net. Why don't you try going to some school clubs and events and meet some new people. You got this XOXO.

Sattaman6@reddit

This is just my personal experience but I’ve moved countries three times in my life and the first few months are always incredibly difficult. It’s a bit like if you move a cat or a dog to a new environment, they take a while before they feel at home. The funny thing is that after a while you’ll go back to India and you will notice things that you miss about Madrid.

Immediate-Complex-76@reddit

Look forward, not back. Learn to live in the moment, not the past or future. Nothing has meaning until we give it meaning.

Changovich@reddit

Go back home. Living abroad is for losers.

Famous-Writer-6258@reddit

Go on tinder. Have a lot of guys or girls you can connect with on a deeper level

Fromzy@reddit

Just got wander around, drink coffee, enjoy the adventure… you’ve gotta reframe how you look at your life.

tigbit72@reddit

It's been really short, hang in there baby. Push through, strengthen your spirit

whenilookinthemirror@reddit

I have moved internationally a couple of times, it gets better after awhile. Enjoy being an observer and maybe see if you can go up to the alps for a hike with a great view. This is temporary, remember your goals, start a scrapbook of cool Italian/European stuff. Get out of your head and out into the world so you can have some stories to tell your friends and family when you are reunited. If it becomes to much there are support groups and doctors that can help too.