Feeling regret and homesick for studying abroad
Posted by RoyalMagus@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 17 comments
Hi, M(19) here, I moved from the Philippines to Vietnam on August 11 for university studies.
Early 2024, I got an opportunity to study in a Vietnam University (Bach Khoa) where there is an international program which consists of 2 years in Vietnam and 2 years in Australia. I was stoked and excited back then, doing everything I can do make sure I get this opportunity, even rushing my family to send me there as soon as possible. Fast forward a couple of months, here I am more than a month in Vietnam, feeling restless in my own room and crying every day.
The first two weeks in Vietnam I was with my mother and we are staying with my cousin (she has lived and taught here for about 2 years now), we got settled and my mother helped me for the two weeks she was staying here and everything was fine, we were touring and exploring, I was still stoked and excited for university. Until it’s time for her to leave and the next day she was gone, I just bawled my eyes and missed her instantly. I thought I could just tough this out as it may just be homesickness and such, but its been three weeks since, and I’ve been missing more and more stuff, my friends, family, my home, my first uni back home, and the general environment back in the Philippines.
Don’t get me wrong I haven’t experienced any negative things in Vietnam, the University staff has welcomed me nicely and assisted me with the transition. I’ve met a couple of my classmates that I stick with during class. But I cant shake off the feeling of yearning to go back. I realized my life back in my home country was great, my university back then was more lively, I had a lot of friends, I went out a lot, got good grades. Now, here I am always bedridden in my condo when there is no class. I’m struggling with studies as well as listening and understanding lectures. Not to mention FOMO, where there isn’t a Christmas and New Years break here meaning I can’t go home and celebrate those festive times with my family and friends.
I didn’t grasp the life I was trading before coming here, I was blinded by the opportunity looking forward and not worrying about the journey first. Now I fear that if I pull out, I’d be wasting a lot of my parents money, as well as my time where I should be a sophomore already but I went back to being a freshmen here and if I stop again, I should already be a junior but I will be back to being a freshmen for the third time. I do not know what to do.
donksky@reddit
It took me 1 year to get over homesickness (pre-zoom/cellphones) AT 20- confide in your cousin if they can support/help, zoom, facetime, etc.
khoakhoakhoakid@reddit
I don't know if this helps, but I am Vietnamese. Depend on where you are, and if you are religious or not, find the nearest English language mass. There are big communities of Filipino in most churches. That can be your starting point to find a community to rely on. Anyways, good luck, and I hope my country don't treat you too harshly.
Baejax_the_Great@reddit
I only went across the country for college, but I spent the first month crying in my room as I remember. There were some other things contributing to that, but for that month at least, it was a lonely, boring, limited existence in my dorm room. I also worried that I was losing all the opportunities to make friends--that everyone got to know each other that first month and I didn't and I'd never make any friends.
Eventually I started feeling comfortable enough to not spend all my time in my room (and not so tired all the time, too). Making friends was not as difficult as I feared.
It sounds like you are feeling a lot of exhaustion after your classes are done, and that's pretty normal, too. Living in a new country is exhausting in ways that living at home is not. But you will adjust. You will have energy again.
I would stick it out for at least the semester. Tell yourself to get to the end of the semester and then you can decide if you want to continue. I think by then you will be feeling better, but if you aren't, then at least you completed a semester of classes.
RoyalMagus@reddit (OP)
Thank you for saying what I feel like I needed to hear. It's cause' I feel like I am stuck here with my choice. But there is still a choice of going back if I truly can't adapt to this environment. I'll give it a full semester and see what happens by then.
Baejax_the_Great@reddit
The feeling of being stuck (and that it's all your fault) is terrible. I've been there. But you aren't stuck. You are trying something new and difficult, and if it doesn't work out, you can do something else.
Good luck. I hope it gets easier for your soon.
an_anxious_mind@reddit
Hey, I’m sorry that you are going through this right now. Moving abroad for studies can be such a challenging and depressing experience sometimes.
I have lived in Thailand, the US and now the Netherlands. I considered all three for my studies but ended up in NL and stayed here permanently. I’ve also dropped out of a uni programme in the US and started again as a freshman at 19.
I just wanted to let you know that you’re still so young and there is nothing wrong with starting again in your home country. I know how it feels to be afraid of disappointing your parents or “wasting” their money. But if you are at home, surrounded by friends and feeling happy, the “lost time” will go by so quickly and you will end up finishing your bachelors in no time. Plus, you’ll still be super young when you finish! But if you stay somewhere where you’re miserable, the time will pass even more slowly and your mental health will suffer.
It’s never too late to change your mind. Please do what is best for you. If your parents are angry at first, let them be angry. Eventually they will see that you made the right choice coming home :)
Of course, it’s your life and it’s all up to you! But speaking from someone who’s studied abroad for the past 7 years, I recommend you to trust yourself.
RoyalMagus@reddit (OP)
Thank you for the encouragement. I needed to hear that I had a choice whether to continue to study here or not. But I will give it a chance.
Happyhome35@reddit
It is very normal. And hard to go through. Here is an article that was posted elsewhere.
https://www.now-health.com/en/blog/culture-shock-stages/
IvanThePohBear@reddit
Are Vietnam universities even better than the ones in Philippines?
RoyalMagus@reddit (OP)
I wont be commenting which is better since I don’t believe I am qualified to judge, but the thing that caught my eye in Vietnam is their international program that’ll let me study in Australia. They say Bach Khoa is a top school in HCM. While back in the Phiilippines I was studying in a top 4 school but I don’t think I’ll qualify for their foreign programs.
glorious_babe@reddit
It's tough being away from home, but those homesick moments often make the return feel even sweeter.
madamnospam@reddit
Homesickness is a thing that does pass, like a regular illness, or like a phase. You’re doing a very, very difficult thing. When you are through it, you’ll be able to say, wow! I can actually say that I have accomplished the most hard to achieve thing in my life so far - all on my own!
You are so lucky to have had your mom to help you! She is only a phone call away, and your family only wants to see you succeed in whatever you decide to do.
There are probably a lot of reasons you chose this path - what are they again? You’ve only just started. Are they still true for you? If so, give them a chance to play out.
It’s really hard missing out on family traditions. This part sucks. In your new space, the only thing you can do right now is make your space feel like home (started by you and your mom). Make a close friend (maybe two), and start making future plans that include those traditions you miss. Recreate them where you are so that you have fun, new and crazy memories of university to relive and share with your friends and loved ones who maybe might want to do this fantastic adventurous thing you’re doing!!
Remember why you chose this path and revel in it. It’s a huge change you made, and did not decide lightly. Enjoy the process of achieving your goals and your homesickness will pass. Your goals will distract you and the time will fly. Your fiends will become part of your family.
This is literally how it feels in the next phase of growth.
pleasant_bloom@reddit
Adjusting to a new culture can be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, but it's all part of the adventure.
lovelyblooom@reddit
It's tough feeling out of place, but remember that the best stories often come from the most unexpected adventures.
ikalwewe@reddit
I think these feelings are normal.
I was in the same boat and also 19 but in Japan.
In the end I settled and now live in Japan . I'm 40 now.
kara-tttp@reddit
It's your early investment. You will reckon it's worth it after. It's a chance for you to grow as well. Bach Khoa is a very nice school, you will learn a lot from it. Homesick is normal, but after some first month you'll get used to it. Go explore Hanoi and try new things when you're still there so you can have a lot of things to share with your family about your new life. Best of luck.
beginswithanx@reddit
You are very young, away from family, and in a foreign country. These feelings of homesickness are very normal! You’ve only been there a month, this is only the beginning of your journey.
If you’re staying in your room all the time, of course you feel lonely! Try to join a student club, find a hobby, or just get out and get to know your neighborhood. Identify something little that you like about your neighborhood (a cool sign, a friendly cat, a weird plant), notice it when you walk by it every day. Begin to map the neighborhood in your mind. Try new cafes in the area. Wave at shopkeepers. Make the neighborhood “yours.”
Since you’re struggling with the language and studies, see what resources your university has. Do not think you have to do this “by yourself.” You’re part of an international program, they will have tutoring, language groups, maybe even “buddy” programs to get you help both with your classes and integrating into the university community. You’re not their first student to struggle with the transition.
From this short post this all seems pretty normal and you haven’t been there long. Your family hasn’t gone away, this isn’t a “forever” problem— you’re just abroad for a while. I’d give it a bit more time and give yourself a chance to truly integrate and make your new place home.