I keep seeing this everywhere! Any post I see about dolphins, video about dolphins, even mentioning dolphins in everyday conversation I get met with: “don’t you know that DOLPHINS ARE EVIL! People always talk about how sharks are evil but NO! The TRUUUE villains are dolphins!!!”

There’s something to be said about how pop science has created this monster of people who know just a tad about science then think they’re experts and constantly quote their 3 factoids at you like they’ve discovered some hidden truth. No, dolphins are NOT evil! Several points on this:

1.) “playing with their food/ torturing fish/ torturing pufferfish to get high”

We all know dolphins are HIGHLY intelligent. We are beginning to learn more and more that many animals, not just intelligent ones need to play. But especially for intelligent predatory animals, play is very important. It’s mental stimulation, and releases a ton of dopamine. We can speculate all day about why this is, like perhaps training certain skills, reinforcing social bonds, etc. but we know that dolphins like to play. They don’t have hands. What are they supposed to do to play with things other than mess with things in their environment like sponges and fish, but ALSO human litter and other abiotic things. They aren’t torturing anything for the joy of torture, they’re just playing with their food like cats, dogs, and any other more intelligent predator does. And on the topic of them “getting high” off of pufferfish: there is literally no evidence they are getting high. We know they play with pufferfish. People assumed they were getting high off them. To me it’s much more simple to assume that a pufferfish is a ball to play with. We know they like to play with balls. Pufferfish is a ball that can move on its own, so thus lots of fun. And in any case, if they WERE getting high off pufferfish toxin, so what? I always see people talking about any other animal getting high/drunk as if it’s very endearing (it is!) so why are dolphins any different?

1. “They are intelligent so they must have morals and know what they’re doing is wrong!”

I cannot express how ridiculous this idea is. It assumes that our human morals would apply to any intelligent creature, but our morals are a direct result of our perception of the world and our very specific evolution as a species. Not even chimps would perceive the world the same as us, so it’s impossible to imagine how a dolphin, whose body, senses, brain, and every part of their behavior are adapted for a life spent entirely in water, might perceive the world. They MAY have “dolphin morality,” considering they probably have “cultures” (for dolphins!) but these would just be norms by pod and completely unrelated to our notions of morality. They don’t have human morals, we must not judge them for that. They are what they are. They’ve become the scapegoat evil sea animal after everyone realized sharks weren’t evil. We know they’re so highly intelligent so why not assume these “bad dolphins” are just assholes? Humans have assholes and bad people, so why shouldn’t dolphins. Perhaps the other dolphins think “wow, this fucking guy is back.” If we are out making unfalsifiable assumptions why not make them a bit more charitable. Because it doesn’t cause as much of a stir I’m sure.

1. “They’re rapists!”

Again this is complete nonsense. It’s akin to accusing your dog of sexually assaulting you when they hump your leg. They don’t know what rape is. Their sexual behavior is not at all out of the ordinary for animals. Again, they DONT have human morality. How is it their fault, how can we get mad and accuse a dolphin of rape when a male dolphin gets sexually aroused and just starts to do what animals do, hump shit around them? Ducks have “rape” behavior but aren’t lampooned all over the internet for it. I even see Peter the dolphin brought up when people talk about this (the “teenage” male dolphin who got drugged with LSD and repeatedly jacked off by his handler who was trying to teach him English; he subsequently committed suicide after he was separated from her) when that whole situation was the farthest thing from being his fault.

Overall I think this is a larger trend where humans (or maybe just our current cultural moment) must see things in wildlife as GOOD or BAD. Sharks now = good, very cute, amazing! While dolphins and chimps now = BAD, very scary, terrible! For some reason people insist on finding animals and plants that are the good guys and animals and plants that are the bad guys. Let them exist as they are. They evolved to be that, we evolved to be us. How can we judge them by how closely they mimic human sensibilities when they are themselves way they are because they MUST be. That’s the only way they COULD EVER be.