Yeah it honestly is pretty tricky. The best place to find games is roll20. If you're joining a game, chances are 95%+ that someone in the game is like this. Every group I've been in has had people like this. I had a falling out with my last group because a middle eastern queer 36 year old virgin woman, who played nothing but male characters of different backgrounds including white european backgrounds like Irish, had a problem with me wanting to roleplay a character who wasn't of a white background. This was after like 3+ years of playing together, and I wasn't going to let her police me in such a massively hypocritical way so I didn't back down from it and just called out the regarded nonsense for what it was.

But I DM games, too. After that I put a ton of effort into expanding my world and creating a really great campaign with the intent of being incredibly selective during my recruitment process to only invite players who are to my standards, and not having virtue signaling wokescolding crybabies is at the top of my list.