ULPT Request - Get my neighbor's dog to stop barking
Posted by westmeadow88@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 29 comments
I live in a townhouse, and my neighbor's rottweiler is making my life a living hell. The dog barks at all hours of the day, with or without provocation.
I left a note on their door when it first started happening, and have since gone over and politely told them to please keep their dog from barking during quiet hours. She was apologetic but basically said it was "her husband's dog" and "doesn't do what she says". They've thankfully moved it indoors at night which has reduced the nighttime barking, but it still occasionally bark at random hours which invariably wakes me up.
The neighbors are horrible dog owners - I've never once seen them take the dog for a walk, so it's confined 24/7 in the townhouse. They also do not clean up after the dog. Their backyard is covered in shit and smells awful. It seems to bark less when the husband is home, but it seems that he works early and once he's out the house (around 5-6am) all bets are off with the dog.
I bought an ultrasonic dog bark deterrent but it doesn't seem to do much. I've thought about filing a noise complaint with animal control, or the police. However, I feel that it will be obvious that I made the complaint and I'm concerned that they'll retaliate somehow. I want to keep things civil between us, but I'm not against some unethical solutions to solve this problem.
Wise_Monkey_Sez@reddit
One technique I know that works with puppies is to play a radio in the dog's sleeping area.
The reason dogs tend to bark, especially at night, is that they're bored, and this is a kind of, "Hey, is anyone out there?" thing, it's the equivalent of people going on social media at 2am because they're feeling lonely and want some sense of connection.
Maybe gently suggest this to your neighbour. A radio or even the TV on at low volume (dogs have great hearing and it just needs to be background audible) will tend to keep dogs quiet at night.
Something to maybe consider is that the dog barking is probably waking them up too and they're just as keen on a solution, so approaching this in a non-confrontational "shared problem" sort of way may be the optimal stategy here.
Also, for the backyard, a garden hose with a sprinkler attachment will dissolve that dogshit slowly and make the plants grow like mad. Maybe suggest that too. It's a lot easier that shoveling up and disposing of dogshit.
It sounds like the wife may be on your side. Maybe by being sympathetic, helpful and solution oriented (here comes the unethical bit) you can fuck her and get years of quiet satisfaction watching your asshole neighbour raising your kid.
Eugregoria@reddit
You would be amazed how often the household that's the source of a noise problem just "tunes it out" and "isn't bothered by it."
Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit
Oftentimes parents do this, hence why their brats scream in public, in stores, in restaurants and they are not bothered in the least.
freemason777@reddit
I guess it would be someone unethical to just play a radio on the shared wall 24/7
Wise_Monkey_Sez@reddit
Get super unethical, tune it to a jazz station and buy the dog tap shoes?
Wise_Monkey_Sez@reddit
Get super unethical, tune it to a jazz station and buy the dog tap shoes?
Jumpy-Ad6470@reddit
You have their address, send them a cease and desist letter. Will likely scare them into compliance.
Muttywango@reddit
Please don't suggest a shock collar. The dog is not at fault here, he's just being a dog and really doesn't deserve torture or punishment.
No-Series6354@reddit
The dog is at fault. He's the one barking...
kerenar@reddit
The owners are at fault. It sounds like the dog is bored and has nothing better to do than bark. Surprisingly very few things are a dog's fault. It's kind of like computer issues: most of the time, the problem is operator error, and not the computer's fault. The owners likely never put any time into training this dog, which is their fault. The dog is just being a dog. And a shock collar to stop barking is a terrible method of training a dog to stop barking, there are so many other ways to achieve the same result, and more efficiently and effectively as well, without causing a possibility of increased aggression in the dog due to shocking it for try to vent its boredom and frustration with the owners.
Muttywango@reddit
Thanks for this, you phrased it a much better I could.
kerenar@reddit
I work with rescue dogs on a daily basis, particularly the problem dogs that come in afraid of people :)
Upset-Criticism-6189@reddit
I work with rescue dogs on a daily basis, and particularly with problem dogs :)
No-Series6354@reddit
The dog is the nuisance. The dog needs to be delt with. Don't care if it has shitty owners.
NaughtyFoxtrot@reddit
As a clearly irresponsible human, we ask that you please never own a fucking pet.
No-Series6354@reddit
I own pets, and train them responsibly.
NaughtyFoxtrot@reddit
You've already proven how irresponsible you are. No need to lie about it.
No-Series6354@reddit
Lol ok. Whatever you say pal.
Form_86@reddit
The only way you can really fix this is to poison the dog. That’s a ULPT. Do you really want to do that? If so rat poison in raw hamburger will be fine. Crushed glass is good too. So are a few small magnets in meat. Those are especially devious. They will stick together in different bowel loops. They will stop blood flow to tissue in between the areas where they are magnetically attracted. Get the smallest neodymium coin magnets you can find on ebay. They will eventually cause bowel perforation and a painful death. Owner will def throw a lot of money at the vet to help him, and let me tell you, I wouldn’t trust a vet to do a bowel resection on any thing i cared for. Their training is shit compared to a real MD. that would be the total evil package. . If they know that you are the one with a beef, it’s likely gonna get bad for you. But rottweilers and pits are fucking evil. I would do it if o were you.
BigGayGinger4@reddit
this is the unethical tips sub
not the fucking medieval psycho subreddit
HotdawgSizzle@reddit
Find out when they sleep and incessantly use a dog whistle when they are trying to sleep.
Gogglesed@reddit
Throw him a bone. The dog is insanely bored.
myusername1111111@reddit
A dog chewing a bone is a quiet dog.
exodus_cl@reddit
chewable glass.
PriveCo@reddit
Email the neighbor, tell them you are an editor for a dog magazine and you are paying people to write an article about how to stop your dog from barking. Offer them $1400.00.
After they do the research, try it out, write the article, you ghost them.
poopsinshoe@reddit
https://www.chewy.com/hoistspark-rechargeable-weather-proof/dp/943966?utm_source=google-product&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=20211552226&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwufq2BhAmEiwAnZqw8v1XFWTrUiIV1DxY_u4-MwjMQiAekbs-4yJQlqucsM2lThQs-_HKZBoCa1oQAvD_BwE
westmeadow88@reddit (OP)
I bought something like this on Amazon and placed it near our shared fence. It hasn't done anything to curb its barking.
AdWarm6032@reddit
The solution here is simple.
Just eat a lot of asparagus and make a couple of piss discs. Slip them under your neighbors doors or windows at night and in the morning they will think the dog did it.
Repeat this multiple times and the dog will be gone in no time.
Muttywango@reddit
Asparagus and a lot of beets.