People married to or in long term relationships with people from a different social class. How have your experiences been?

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Jaraxo@reddit

I'm by far the worst skier of the group, and it's not even close.

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Nearby-Percentage867@reddit

Oh god yes - skiing!

My kids now know how to ski & my other half’s family used to go on skiing holidays.

I genuinely didn’t realise before we met that skiing was something that you could just do - as a lifestyle thing it was so far off my radar that I thought it must have been invite only, or that you needed some kind of licence like a private pilots licence.

Family are now trying to persuade me to go on a skiing holiday and learn but I honestly can’t think of anything worse - spend thousands where the ONLY activity is something that I’ve never done before and spend the entire holiday hopefully becoming less shit at it. No days out, no boat trips, no wandering round old towns, no hiking, no lazy days, no picnics… just a full week of being towed up increasingly high hills, sliding down them again and hurting myself.

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factualreality@reddit

Go to Finland. Skiing is an option but you can also do husky rides, reindeer sleigh rides, visit the artic circle, see polar bears in the zoo, skidoo trips to see northern lights, saunas etc. Much more fun.

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lost_send_berries@reddit

That's nice unless everybody else wants to ski

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factualreality@reddit

No reason you can't do it by yourself while they are skiing.

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HorridosTorpedo@reddit

Do what I did. After two days I was in so much pain, that I claimed (not entirely untruthfully) to be 'sick' and lounged around the hotel all day. There's also drinking to be done up on the slopes but the scenery is what really makes it. And it (well, snowboarding in my case) is actually sort of retrospectively fun, despite still being scary and painful.

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stevebucky_1234@reddit

Skiing is only worth it for the apres ski 😅

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Nearby-Percentage867@reddit

That’s not a bad idea. Just pack plenty good books and after day one - “oh no, my leg is too sore, I’ll have to sit in the bar alone and read… oh dear…”

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

Yes! My kids have all had snowboarding and skiing lessons paid for by my wife's father. So hopefully they will be able to hold their own on the slopes. My wife is keen for me to take some lessons too.

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Chevalitron@reddit

Why is it so important to the higher social classes that they need to know how to ski? I can understand the safety value of knowing how to swim, but I've never faced a situation where the best way for me to travel was to slide downhill too fast.

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Jaraxo@reddit

Another big thing for me was her families drive to be the best possible version of whatever it is you're doing. Yes there was more pressure to be a doctor or successful in business over being a postman, but more importantly they had to be the best at whatever it was they were doing, whether it was hobbies, university, or work. You couldn't just casually go swimming each week, you needed to be at competition level. You couldn't just play the clarinet, you had to be performance level. You couldn't just be a university graduate, you had to get a job at one of the big 4 etc.

The striving for being better never stops.

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Working-Tale-7224@reddit

Literally the polar opposite of the place I was raised in. Put your head above the trenches and it gets shot.

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PetersMapProject@reddit

I believe the Australians call this "tall poppy syndrome"

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makemineaquadruple@reddit

‘The nail that sticks out gets hammered down’ in Japan

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riotlady@reddit

Don’t we call it that too?

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AncilliaryAnteater@reddit

I had this in both my immediate and extended family - I bucked the trend, i'm about to do my 3rd degree (in Medicine, having already got an arts degree and a postgraduate in law) and speak various world languages fluently, play sport competitively etc. That said i'm really isolated from 95% of my family and it's horrible, but I just want to make the most of my life/potential

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will0593@reddit

Don't spend so long trying to chase potential that you never enjoy what is

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AncilliaryAnteater@reddit

Wow, that's quite something. I'll need a few years to mull over that in seriousness

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will0593@reddit

I'm a physician in the US. I felt at one point that I had to be the best of it all because what was the point if I didn't. Now I'm 31 and...who cares. The patients don't treat me differently, insurances reimburse less..nobody cares. Don't get caught in the trap. "Potential " is overrated

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AncilliaryAnteater@reddit

Thanks for sharing. I'd love to know what specialty you chose?

Moreover, what do you think is under-rated?

You've blind sided with me with your comment, i'm always trying to be the best I can be but that means fleeing and floating a lot of the time from reality, opportunity, joy because the pressure is so high to be more

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will0593@reddit

I'm a podiatrist. In the USA we do surgical training and have full prescription privileges after medical school

What's underrated? Going home and being comfortable because you didn't scam anyone into bullshit or aren't chasing the next certificate or magazine or something

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AncilliaryAnteater@reddit

Thanks very much for sharing, wishing you all the best

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SignificantArm3093@reddit

My husband’s family is upper-middle class compared to my teenage-single-mother-on-benefits underclass and the hobbies are the biggest thing for me.

He and siblings all played instruments, sang in choirs, did martial arts, played sports etc. My mum never had the money for that stuff and wasn’t able to drive me to them even if she did.

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OtherwiseCup2925@reddit

Same. It's led to me learning to swim properly and dance in my thirties. I wanted to as a kid but we never had the money and were always moving.

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

I tried lots of different hobbies but they lasted a few weeks and I lost interest. For middle class parents, hobbies seem to be very important, and binning them is not an option. I had normal hobbies like climbing on roofs and chuking fire works around or chasing people with a stick with dog shit on the end. Normal stuff!

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Nearby-Percentage867@reddit

This is my wife’s family and it is exhausting

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

Yeah my wife was up for swimming every morning before school and in the local running and tennis clubs. The thing is that she rebelled against that lifestyle and ended up quite a wild child and also gravitated away from her parents for her entire 20s because she found the pressure unbearable.

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lurcherzzz@reddit

You don't need lessons, just a bottle of bucky and a tractor innertube

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kairu99877@reddit

You should try golf.

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Famous_Champion_492@reddit

My partner is from the Nordics, this hits hard.

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Jaraxo@reddit

They probably did a bit of cross country or biathlon then as well?

Cross country is the most difficult sport I've ever tried.

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lindsaychild@reddit

My husband's family is upper middle (privately educated doctors) and I'm def working class (dad's a mechanic). Husband's grandparents might even be upper but I'm not sure where the lines are.

First Christmas, no one told me they changed for lunch, we weren't staying so I didn't have a change of clothes and I was dressed too casually. Gifts weren't opened until after lunch instead of the free for all carnage first thing like I was used to.

Second Christmas, I was handed a roll of family silver and asked to set the table. I had to pretend to need to wash my hands, ran off to find my husband who had gone out and had to ask my BIL to draw me a diagram to follow.

I don't get a lot of the jokes because the punch line will be in French.

Can't ski, sail or know a thing about classical music/literature.

I had to learn how to do a cryptic crossword and play canasta. The family was surprised to learn I don't know how to play bridge or backgammon.

My husband is the oldest of the cousins so I was the first outsider in quite a few years. I made sure to get the phone number of all the new girlfriends/boyfriends and made sure to tell them things I wished I had known. It has saved some embarrassment though the family are lovely and have never said a thing.

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jr0061006@reddit

You couldn’t tell us some of the French punchldjokes with the French punchlines,

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lindsaychild@reddit

They weren't traditional jokes as such but someone would be telling a story and the funny bit or family joke would be in French. I've realised that if something is embarrassing or rude, they'll switch to French

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OtherwiseCup2925@reddit

The Christmas gifts thing! I hated it, it felt so staid and devoid of excitement, unlike the free-for-all.

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TheBestBigAl@reddit

"Scheduled fun will commence at 3pm"

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lindsaychild@reddit

One year it took hours, we had to stop for food, it was hard work keeping an interest.

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OtherwiseCup2925@reddit

Good lord. I bet. I laughed out loud at the punchlines being in French, btw. That is so fancy.

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Zestyclose_Ratio_877@reddit

My partner introduced me to chips with curry sauce he takes the mick cos I wasn’t allowed to watch ITV and we now own a deep fat fryer! Also there is a never ending debate over whether it is supper dinner or tea 😂

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Chevalitron@reddit

I was looking for anyone else not allowed to watch ITV. My parents never explained it at the time and now deny it.

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Zestyclose_Ratio_877@reddit

Sadly I can’t ask my mum now and my dad was always working so didn’t make those sort of decisions but I reckon it’s to do with adverts and being less educational than the BBC!

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BobBobBobBobBobDave@reddit

My wife is from a less fortunate background than me, and grew up in quite a rough area with not a lot of money, whereas I grew up in a leafy suburb, two car family, foreign holidays etc.

But she is the child of an immigrant parent who pushed his kids to climb the social and professional ladder, and she embraced that. She sounds posh, she is a doctor, she wouldn't be seen dead in a Wetherspoons, etc.

If you met us, you would assume she was the posh one and I (especially because I have a regional accent and now live down South) was not, whereas in fact I went to Oxford, am quite a good skier and know at least three men called Giles.

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geoffs3310@reddit

How many pairs of red trousers do you own? Be honest

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pointsofellie@reddit

she is a massive snob

That's funny, my dad is from a poor background - grew up on a council estate and decided he didn't want that to be his future - and he's a massive, classist snob.

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BobBobBobBobBobDave@reddit

I should say that she is lovely and a kind person and doesn't judge anyone for being poor, etc. She is just very snobby about what SHE will do.

Like the Wetherspoons example. Or drinking coffee from a chain. Or eating a McDonald's.

All of which I know aren't the most wonderful things available, but I will happily do.

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No-Bake-3404@reddit

I suppose in a pinch they will do. But, they are not my go to preferences either.

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Ok-Train5382@reddit

I felt this way until I recently popped into my local Wetherspoons in the south east and realised I can get a pint for £2.50. I can stuff my snobby tendencies quite far down when the pints are that much cheaper

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Maester_Magus@reddit

Go to?!

What kind of brutish philistine uses such a yobbish, lower-class-youth-club lexicon?

The word is favourite, dear.

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balanced_humor@reddit

Hyacinth Bucket

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---x__x---@reddit

Knowing three men named Giles is the most bougie thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

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marquess_rostrevor@reddit

Legally not allowed to attend Oxbridge without knowing at least two Giles, so I see how you made the cut.

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Randy_The_Guppy@reddit

Yiu know three men named Giles? Please save some for the rest of us trying to carve out a better existence.

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BobBobBobBobBobDave@reddit

Two of them are quite friendly so will probably be happy to help you improve your social standing too.

One of them, unfortunately, is a wanker.

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justanother_drone@reddit

That last sentence got an out-loud chuckle from me.

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brutalistcheese@reddit

I'm from a working class background. My partner has very rich parents - heli-skiing, second home in France, mother retired since my partner was born sort of thing.

I feel like a sore thumb. There's also other differences - I'm Chinese, he's white so a lot of racism in between, especially when we were first together.

I always feel like they treat me differently to how they treat his siblings' partners (who are middle class/richer than me).

It's very hard because I am no longer in touch with my family and I want him to have a good relationship with his. But I really struggle and I get angry when his parents don't understand our/my struggles.

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Ok-Train5382@reddit

You can’t really expect people from wildly different backgrounds as yours to understand your struggles. In the same way I can’t expect my partner to understand all of mine.

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Just_Information_282@reddit

Empathy and effort go a long way to bridging that gap though.

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QuasarCollision@reddit

I'm from a northern working class background. I'm married to a posh(ish) woman from London. She went to a private school. Parents rather well to do. I grew up often poor, lots of the bread on the table to eke out meals etc.

Not Going Out feels very familiar to us, especially the dynamics between my dad and my wife's parents those few times they met. We've cringed at times at how close the show is to our life.

I was already in this world when I met my wife really. First in my family to go to university. So had already moved on from my background in terms of education, my career etc. But there are still funny culture clashes.

We settled in the South West a long way from where I grew up. So I don't really see the culture clash as much between my family and friends there and my life now.

Our life is hardly posh, just normal middle class life. But once we were travelling to visit my dad and he asked what to get in for us to eat and our little kids. I messaged to say a french stick, some tuna, hummus, pasta, coffee etc. When we got there he hadn't bought anything at all. When asked why he said "when you sent that posh list I thought you were just joking taking the piss".

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Ok-Train5382@reddit

Apart from hummus not sure how you could misconstrue any of that as posh 😂

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QuasarCollision@reddit

My dad is such a northern old bloke cliche that the idea of eating other than chips is posh to him. He's never even eaten pizza or pasta, because they are "foreign muck".

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Linguistin229@reddit

To be fair you probably shouldn't be giving little kids coffee?

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QuasarCollision@reddit

Seriously, that's how you read that?

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QuasarCollision@reddit

Finding "us and our little kids" hard to parse?

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Ok-Train5382@reddit

Bruh I’m working class and knew the table manners bit. I thought that was just basic British etiquette that transcended class.

From previous relationships with wealthier people, the only culture shock was realising they just didn’t talk about money with their family. I know how much my mum earns, her bills etc I know how much my uncle earned, how much my grandad has coming in in pensions and what investments he has.

My family are very happy to talk about money, death and are all very open. My ex had no idea how much her parents made and asking was just taboo.

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Thatresolves@reddit

I find they get anxious and it matters when things go wrong to them so I have learned to have a little empathy and not just jump to attacking the next problem because consequences for things falling through for me barely matter.

They’ll get used to it one day, the idea that contracts falling through or other disappointments don’t really matter because we aren’t going to starve but hoping we just retire with a cat ranch in a decade or so anyway 🤓

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PowerApp101@reddit

You don't cross your cutlery, you just put them next to each other. Come on, man.

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Bitsandbobbins71935@reddit

I married up, my husband is just oblivious to things that need cleaning (bathroom, dusting, hoovering etc) because they always had a cleaner for all of that, he’s more than willing to do it when it’s pointed out it just simply doesn’t occur to him to do it.

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lknei@reddit

I'm socioeconomic group E and my bf is socio-economic group B. One time we were having a conversation about my mess of a sister and how she gets £x per week but never has a penny to show for it, to the point she's even asking family members for a lend of a few bob until payday.

There's something she spends a lot of money on that she's hiding from the family and it's been a long mystery about what it is.

I speculated she was maybe "spending the money on the horses", he nods. I then say "but even then, she'd have won at least once by now!" Visible confusion on his face. I keep yapping, he is absolutely lost at this point. I stop and ask "what's got you so confused?"

He said "how on earth would she afford a livery??"

I was talking about BETTING on horses, he thought I meant she was KEEPING horses 😂😂😂

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Melendine@reddit

Drugs…

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Ted_Hitchcox@reddit

I don't think her Bf is on drugs......just a bit Tim Nice But Dim.

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lknei@reddit

That was obviously our first thought but there's lots of reasons why that's unlikely too 🤦🏼‍♀️

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theProffPuzzleCode@reddit

That's a great story.

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No-Bake-3404@reddit

When you wrote that I thought she had a pony in a field somewhere.

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Much-Tadpole-3742@reddit

I've banged and dared girls from the upper middle class my whole life.. one had a dad who drove an Aston.. one had parents with a multi million property portfolio... never however, mingled with the ruling class and no intention to...

experiences: taken on free holidays ,not any different to working class really except more educated with spending money..more frugal perhaps.

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Much-Tadpole-3742@reddit

keep downvoting me well done...my working class seed has been spread into your middle class🤣

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DrChonk@reddit

I'm from a Welsh Valleys working class upbringing, whilst my husband was mainly brought up in the South of England, and mainly it manifests in how our experiences were growing up, with the occasional stress on my end over spending what he would consider small amounts of money on myself 😅 It's been pretty great and we balance out well, and I'm loving every time we find a new experience the other hasn't had.

Best example is when we went to the valleys to visit my side of the family, and this amazing cook and incredibly well educated man has never even HEARD OF corned beef pasties, let alone tasted them! That's like, a whole staple food he's missed out on! It was delightful seeing his first reaction and how much he enjoyed it 😄

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yellowrea@reddit

I'm a working-class woman with a middle-class man. I didn't grow up with a dining room table in the home, so we ate every meal on the sofa with the TV on. He ate every meal at the dining room table without watching TV. Neither of us feel comfortable eating the opposite way. He tells me I act very formal when I eat at the table, and I do. I feel I should bring up topics like taxes and articles from the Guardian. He feels like he can't taste his food properly when we're watching TV. We compromise by eating on the sofa with the tv off.

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jilljd38@reddit

Surely no elbows on the table and not crossing cutlery is just normal table manners , my parents were , are working class but that was a no no in our house

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fishercrow@reddit

my partner was raised working class, and i was technologically middle class. i find the most difficult thing is a lot of people make assumptions about how i was raised. i was home-educated, so no posh schooling, and after i turned 18 my parents didn’t spend a penny on me. growing up i was given a budget and this was for anything i wanted beyond the bare necessities - i mostly wore charity shop clothes because that was what i could afford on said budget. i was on benefits living at home during 2020 and i had to give my parents half for ‘rent’.

when i got to uni, my dad earned enough for me to only receive the minimum loan (my mum didn’t work), but my parents contributed jack shit to my uni education. i had to spend most of the loan on accommodation and ended up losing so much weight that the gp thought i might be t1 diabetic - i was literally starving and my parents still didn’t give me any money. i ended up dropping out of uni partly because i couldn’t afford to stay. a lot of people (including my partner before i corrected him) thought i grew up having whatever i wanted in life when that couldn’t be further from the truth. yeah my dad drove a flash car and we had a big house but i didn’t have nice things myself - and anything my parents did buy for me was held over my head as punishment. everything i have as an adult i literally worked myself to the bone for and i actually rather resent the assumptions people make about my background because they aren’t true at all.

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Dimac99@reddit

Children can grow up in abusive families of all classes.

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Weary-Pay-8774@reddit

My husband comes from a well off South Asian family here in the Midlands. I’m from a lower middle class family in California.

The biggest shock for me was how they value time more than money. Time is so precious to them and they will go out of their way to pay for certain services that we could easily do ourselves (I.e. gardening, cleaning the house). They’re also incredibly generous. We were at the mall once and my husband saw a man outside didn’t have a proper jacket and coat. He walked up to the man, spoke with him and 20 minutes later returned with a bag from the athletic store.

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adhdontplz@reddit

It sounds like the world would be a much better place if all the rich people in it were like him.

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Weary-Pay-8774@reddit

They’re actually really decent people. Very down to earth. FIL immigrated here with his family with literally nothing in his pockets and barely spoke any English. None of them “look” rich. They drive average cars, dress in average everyday clothes (unless there’s some kind of event) and view money more as a tool than a goal.

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Exita@reddit

Im one generation removed from this. Dad was brought up working class, first from his family to go to Uni, then married Mum who was from a firmly middle class background. The differences between their families was quite large…

I then married a girl from a very upper-middle class family.

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Agreeable_Fig_3713@reddit

So it’s a weird one for us. My husband was brought up the same social class as me till his dad died and his mum remarried when he was nine. We actually grew up together for a lot of our life. Her second husband had money and she went to uni after her second marriage and ended up a bit hyacinth bucket so from 8 onwards he was middle class. I always was working class.

Weird things for us since you mentioned takeaway probably that he uses plates and cutlery for a takeaway while all my friends and family are like takeaway is no cooking or dishes. His mums lost her local accent and uses this posh Jackie bird type generic accent and constantly corrects my kids for speaking with their broad local accents despite her parents having the same one and she pretends to not know nor have ever used local words for things so my husbands accent and dialect is a bit confused.

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Bonsuella_Banana@reddit

We are both working class, but my upbringing was still totally different to my husbands. My family was extremely poor, since my dad is disabled and my mum his full-time carer so neither worked, we lived on (and they still live on) the benefits available to them. We didn’t go on holiday (unless we could tag along with other family members to Cornwall), my parents ate beans on toast so my brother and I could eat decent food. Free school meals when we were old enough, no extra curriculars etc. My husband’s parents both worked, his mum often part-time and dad being the breadwinner, they’d normally go on at least one holiday abroad a year, he has two sisters. They paid for his older sisters wedding, were supported doing their hobbies of choice, had multiple TVs and computers, including gaming spec ones. On paper, both working class, but in reality two very different lives and we still often find differences in how we think about or approach things, like what to spend/save, what to spend on, how to manage the bills etc. It’s never been a problem, but it’s interesting that we see such stark differences at times.

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WrestlingFan95@reddit

I’m from a working class family. Dad had different jobs, security jobs and then driving taxi’s. Mum was a cleaner. My ex had a upper class family her Dad worked in finance and her Mum was a data scientist.

Ex had warped views on people who were friendly, hated dogs (which I knew was the end for me) hated people in general.

Moaned about mental health no being real blah blah. The relationship ended when I burst her bubble when was talking crap about non successful people and I essentially for the first time in her life told her she was a nepo baby.

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SmolTownGurl@reddit

I’m the comparatively povvo one in our marriage, not mega povvo but my mum is from a council estate, dad a bit better off. My husband and siblings are privately educated, his mum didn’t have to go back to work after having kids, his parents paid for the kids’ multiple university degrees. His siblings also married into money and have houses abroad where they spend summer, and go to private schools etc. Would never consider buying second hand, or an item that wasn’t the best branded version. I refuse to pay full price for anything I can find second hand. My partner was so shocked to hear that we had a caravan, he had never set foot in a Lidl or Aldi or bought / sold at a car boot sale and had never heard of yellow sticker food! Personally I’d say that was normal stuff.

I think the most eye opening thing for me was the opportunities that moving in ‘rich’ circles gives you, nothing compares no matter how smart you are. It really is who you know, not what you know. That and seeing them paying for things that I’m capable of doing myself like painting, cleaning etc. And generous with giving away expensive things or giving my husband sums of money.

They are all so lovely though, I’m incredibly lucky. His Ex was RICH rich (multiple properties in central London and other countries rich) so I was additionally horribly nervous meeting them but they absolutely embraced me and regularly praise me for creativity and thriftiness. It’s clear we are from different backgrounds but they use that as a reason to ask my advice or hold me up as a good example - they’re proper classy.

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Alternative_Job_3298@reddit

I'm working class my boyfriend is solidly middle class. I grew up in the South Wales valleys he grew up in Pembrokeshire but was born and raised in Surrg until the age of 7 so has a stereotypical home counties accent. But in terms of experience growing up my parents had a lot more disposable income due to relatively well paid jobs in a cheap to live area (nurse practioner and a head green keeper on a gold course). We went on holidays twice a year to the States, Europe and Ireland but am still solidly earning class. Neither of my parents are educated past O levels but are of the age where you could get relatively well paid jobs with on job training. Coupled with an area with a low cost of living left us financially better off vs his parents with a mam that was a stay st home mother and while his dad was easily on over 150k a year they had a huge mortgage and massive outgoings on other things.

I would say there isn't a huge noticeable difference. I know social class in the UK isn't really linked to wealth like in the States and is more cultural but on paper I would appeared to have had a more Middle Class up bringing (2 cars, foreign holidays, after school clubs/tutoring) but come from a working class background, went to a rough local comprehensive and lived in an area with high levels of relative poverty. The biggest difference I have noticed is the feeling like an imposter. Both myself and my boyfriend are educated to PhD level but I always feel, even now in my career, like I'm not supposed to be where I am, that it's only a matter of time before my employer finds out I'm not actually good at my job and that I almost don't deserve to be where I am. I would say that is defo due to the crab mentality of the area I am from as leaving and getting educated can often lead others to accuse you of being stuck up etc. I think that's the biggest difference I've noticed, we have both earned out place around the proverbial table but I still don't feel like i deserve it. I think a lot of that is down to the area I come from but I think it can also be down to the way in which society operates. People make assumptions on things like accent (e.g. a boy with a valleys accent that sounds common as much surely can't be educated etc) and that having a stereotypical home countries or RP one makes you infinitely more wise and worthy.

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keyser-soze11@reddit

I'm not from a working class background, pretty middle class / well off, relatively. But my partner's family are proper old-money asset-rich posh types. They earned it by being well educated and having incredible careers, so are easy to respect and get along with, but also I rub along great because I'm a social butterfly / sociopath who can ham it up when I'm around them :)

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No-Bake-3404@reddit

I suppose you can forgive Spectator readers if they give you the keys to the castle, eh?

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keyser-soze11@reddit

Fuck, you're right, I should have said sorry, I'm staying in a hostel instead, in case the Reddit trots think I'm a traitor!

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Watsonmolly@reddit

My husbands a lot posher than me, I've introduced him to a lot and he's introduced me to a lot. But the funniest for me is how much he adores a supermarket cafe. He wasn't even aware of their existence till I took him to one.. Now he want's to take the kids every weekend. he can't believe how cheap they are or how quick the service is. The best thing he's introduced me to is eating most of our meals at the table. We get so much more conversation from our kids than my family ever did.

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Nyx_Necrodragon101@reddit

My husband is not only a different class but different culture. He's half cajun from the rural deep south. He was born in Mississippi but because of money issues his mum was constantly moving them around.

I was born and raised in Richmond, London. My dad inherited a minor lordship in Yorkshire and my mum came from Soviet Poland and never looked back. Honestly I've never really thought of our class difference that much. My family where very happy to welcome him into our family.

My husband was always an anglophile and he adapted to british culture well. I've noticed he can't hold a knife and fork properly and I've been trying to teach him about hosting (which wines to pair with food, why you decant, which order to put the cutlery) and he struggles with it. He can't do up a tie to save his life.

I have a thing about wastage, I don't like it. Now he has disposable income he's much more laissez faire. It's like now that he has money to spend on things he likes he's almost going through a period of self-discovery.

When he came to the UK it was the first time he'd ever been outside of the US. Which seems so weird to me he also relies on me to do the speaking.

The only time you really see the class difference is when comparing our families. My family have always supported our marriage and kind of adopted my husband. His family only really cares about money. When we got married his mum demanded I pay for her to come and see the wedding because 'she can afford it'. They only call him when they want to offload some drama onto him.

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Working-Tale-7224@reddit

I actually find it quite difficult as someone who was born and raised in a bottom 5% deprived hell hole, marrying a woman with millionaire parents.

I deal with imposter syndrome a lot, and feel like I don't deserve a lot of the obvious benefits I get, even though without my wife I still made a fairly big success of my life/career anyway.

I find some of her friends insufferable, they talk about problems that to me, simply aren't that big of a deal. Then I find myself moving away from my roots because bettering yourself and being successful is generally frowned upon where I was raised. It was very much a 'stay in your lane'/'that's not for people like us' sort of mentality.

The upside is my in-laws are what I'd call 'first generation rich', so they grew up with nothing, made loads of money at work, purchased houses in the late 80/90s which doubled or trebled, and meant they could retire with no real money woes. They are easy to get along with, and outside of the bricks and mortar you'd never know they had cash.

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XyRabbit@reddit

Should probably sort that out, hope it doesn't hurt you or your relationship. Therapy is a great tool

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DerpDerpDerp78910@reddit

You don’t cross your cultlery when you’re done. That means you’re still eating. Put them side by side and it means you’re done.

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No-Bake-3404@reddit

I had a waitress take my plate a cute little cafe in the Cotswolds even thouh my utensils were crossed. I went to the toilet and came back to no plate. I walked over to the manager and said: Excuse me where is my food? After about two minutes, I got another little meal. It was so strange.

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

I've just shown myself up for the prole I am haven't I?!

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mantolwen@reddit

Middle class here engaged to working class. One thing that came up the other day was we were eating dinner and it was all non-greasy food so he just ate everything with his hands instead of using a knife and fork.

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No-Bake-3404@reddit

Do you mean like US tacos? He put the ingredients into the shell and then ate the shell? Or do you mean literally at the food with his hands? If so, may I suggest you run.

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Equivalent_Deer_8667@reddit

That’s not a class thing, that’s just wrong!

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

What?! We need more info here. Are we talking fistful of rice or something less extreme?

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mantolwen@reddit

Was roast dinner without gravy (I was stressed, forgot to make it)

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

OK. Firstly, forgetting the gravy was utterly criminal on your part. Secondly, eating an entire roast dinner with your hands is really quite odd behavior and I'd personally say not indicative of any social class.

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New-Foot-511@reddit

My mum grew up quite poor, my dad went to boarding school at 8! They met in the military and have been married for 28 years. Both are very cautious with money and anti-private schools. When my brother and I turned 18 they had saved us about £30k each in an ISA! Even though my dad earns six figures my mum gets very worried about money and doesn’t see herself as ‘wealthy’.

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bsnimunf@reddit

I firmly believe you can't take the poor out of people, people often talk about how if you become rich you grow out of touch with being poor. Your childhood makes you if you grew up poor you never forget it no matter how rich you get.

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limedifficult@reddit

Absolutely. My mother grew up food insecure (and my grandparents were borderline starving at various points in their childhoods). She and my dad did really well for themselves and they were able to retire to a gorgeous home with funds to travel, take up hobbies, socialise, etc. I also had to stop her from eating week old pasta salad when I was last visiting because she cannot on a fundamental level waste food, even with a stocked full fridge and a second full freezer in the garage, and the money to buy literally any food she wanted.

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No-Bake-3404@reddit

I have this problem with my husband! He grew up upwardly mobile in London. He attended private schools for most of his education. But, his parents ''poor mouth'' and act as if they have nothing. He won't throw anything away. It's like a disease.

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New-Foot-511@reddit

Yeah my mum stocks up on her toiletries and keeps the spares in her cupboard.

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Different_Usual_6586@reddit

Mm my brother took this to the extreme, we grew up 'poor' as in my mum had terrible, terrible money management. My brother has taken this to mean he must hoard money, like a dragon in a cave, it's not a good trait

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beartropolis@reddit

I totally agree.

My parents and my partner grew up very poor, there are some big similarities in our up bringing that if you looked at us in terms of just what our parents made and where we grew up you wouldn't think we would share. But it's because my parents are very much products of their own childhood.

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GentlemanJoe@reddit

"crossing your cutlery when you finished your food"

I've never heard this before. I learned that that when you're finished, you put your knife and fork together on the plate.

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

Yeah someone else pointed that out earlier, I've absolutely outed myself as a peasant with that comment!

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GentlemanJoe@reddit

Ah, don't be hard on yourself. Who would know these things? The whole world is full of social traps; perhaps the only way to avoid them is to be kind and gracious. If you're still judged after that, ignore the people doing the judging.

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Random_Nobody1991@reddit

I’m from the well off side In terms of class and the the main differences were holidays and housing situations growing up. Growing up, we went on at least one or two foreign holidays each year and my parents owned their house, even paying off the mortgage before the 2008 crash. Wife’s family never went abroad except to Ireland for family events and she was bought up in social housing until we moved in together. I remember her feeling a bit overwhelmed at meeting my family, but my Dad in particular had worked his way up from relatively humble beginnings so it wasn’t like meeting the Crawleys out of Downton Abbey.

In regards holidays, this turned into a nice thing as I get to go back to these places again and enjoy it with her.

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chippy-alley@reddit

Ive experienced the 'no take aways' thing. I think its because they are less likely to have jobs that leave them physically exhausted but still need high calorie meals to maintain, plus they have the financial cushioning to experiment with meals & keep a good range of quality ingredients available under the 'just in case' category.

'We just make our own pizza' - using speciality flour that is bought just for pizza, an expensive pizza oven, a pizza stone, an expensive food processor for the dough, a different smaller equally expensive blender for the sauce, and 2 times out of 3 (I asked) the speciality cheese goes unused & gets binned.

I only have steaks, sea food etc in the freezer if its someones birthday, & I only keep the veg & salad around that Im going to use in the next few days, a week at most. Their home was better stocked than my single local shop

We did a day of moving furniture to change room allocation, and the matriarch announced we were having takeaway as she couldnt possibly cook, didnt I agree?

I had to awkwardly point out that I did 9hr shifts of carrying & lifting 5 days a weeks, and then went to my 2nd job on my feet all evening in a bar. "But you're not this tired!?" Yep, I am, every single day of every single week

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PupperPetterBean@reddit

My partner grew up middle working class (his parents both worked but they owned their home) I grew up below the poverty line and constantly had to fight for food and basic stuff, for example when i was a year old we lived in a b&b and had to cook on a heater, so basically luke warm baked beans every night. The biggest issue we have, that's become even more apparent now we need to move, is stuff. He has very little stuff and I have loads because I was brought up not to throw things away that could be repaired or useful in the future.

Currently decluttering and even though I know I need to get rid of a lot of stuff I'm still struggling because my insecurity as a child keeps rearing it's head.

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Kim_catiko@reddit

Can someone tell me how you find and marry someone rich? Thanks.

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jigfltygu@reddit

Working class here married fantastic upper class 3 wonderful kids 38 years married .still laugh when I hear her swear. She has taught me so much .have great manners when I need them .know which cutlery to use . Funny thing father in law loves me . Reckons I'm a genuine person .no bullshit

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XyRabbit@reddit

Same, I grew up poor on welfare and homeless as a teen in big city America. I married a rather upper-class English man, definitely a white-collar family.

I slipped up the first time meeting his family and said something positive, but I swore, think something along the lines of, "oh yeah I couldn't believe how fucking amazing it was!"

I could feel everyone give pause but they were very polite and moved past it fairly quick.

After, though, he said, "I can't believe you swore in front of my Nan!!"

I obviously didn't mean offense, but double being lower class AND from America, I have to be really careful.

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Jealous-Art8085@reddit

Lol my family is definitely upper middle class (6 hols a year) and swear in every other sentence we’re Welsh tho not English

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XyRabbit@reddit

Definitely a different breed the Welsh and English

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

My father in-law has always been very nice to me, so I have no real complaints there.

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xdq@reddit

We're not quite different social classes but my wife's family are in a country where they're able to afford a maid. When visiting the in-laws I regularly get told off by the maid for taking my own plate away when I've finished dinner and if I get caught hanging my own washing out she says some words that I've yet to learn.

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byjimini@reddit

My wife is middle class and introduced me to the concept of Centre Parcs - nearest I’d ever got was Butlins.

Her recipes when she cooks includes exotic ingredients such as sun dried tomatoes - I’m used to poverty foods like beans on toast, egg sandwiches, and plain rice.

When we first went shopping I headed to the own-brand goods whilst she got tomatoes on the vine, fresh fish and suchlike. Things I’d never go near.

Her family have a can-do attitude and are full of doctorates and professors, whereas my family are standoffish and unadventurous.

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That_Northern_bloke@reddit

My wife's family is definitely working class- her dad worked in a brewery and her mum worked in most of the hotels and B&Bs in Blackpool over the years. She's 1 of 5 kids and holidays were always getaways to Butlins or similar. A meal out was the chippy at the end of the road, or accompanying their dad to the working men's club or one of the various pubs here frequented.

With me, I'm an only child, my dad had a good NHS management job and mum worked in a primary school as a TA, so our holidays were usually a week (or two in the summer) in the caravan to Wales or Northumberland. Anytime we had a family gathering we would have a takeaway or a fancy meal out somewhere.

When my wife and I started dating, one of the shocks for her was how my parents would just spend money without having to think about it- she needed a fridge for her flat and a wardrobe and my parents just got them for her. She couldn't get her head around how it wasn't a major decision for my parents and that they could just do it without having to think about putting money in the meter

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iAmBalfrog@reddit

A slightly different angle, I was raised in a very poor, free school meal, don't eat a meal everyday, try to go to sleepovers to have an extra meal, no foreign holiday, say you're too ill to go on school trips as can't afford them family, and my partner is middle classed.

I had never had a starter or dessert at a restaurant with my family, when I got my first job at 16 I took an ex out and had my first dessert. Then with my current wife we went to a "celebration meal" where we each had 3 courses, I felt ill afterwards. Even more so when I saw the bill just get handed off with a card without a real thought about it.

I assumed if I didn't work hard i'd continue to be poor, wanted to pay for family members bills (which I now do at age 30), my partners two parent household told her to work hard and it stuck, both on 6 figure incomes without a child. I met plenty of middle/upper class friends who did nothing with their life, feels like the more privileged you are, the more you find faults where they don't exist.

The amount of middle class people who complain about the teaching they got from an Oftsed Good/Outstanding school is bonkers to me, like complaining to a 3rd world child your steak was overcooked.

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Artales@reddit

Awful.

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RandomAccount5927481@reddit

I’m the lower class one and I couldn’t get over how my partner doesn’t know his friends (or even his own) parents do for work. I could tell you all my friends parents names, jobs, workplaces etc whereas he only knows “…property? Something in insurance?” and hasn’t met a lot of his friends parents cause they live in different countries to their kids.

On the flip side, he envied how I grew up in a council estate where all my friends live a very short walking distance away and we could play safely in parks near our homes - “shouting distance” to be specific, for when it’s dinner time iykyk

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Nearby-Percentage867@reddit

That’s because as a working class person, your friends’ parents most likely had socially useful jobs (essentially jobs from a children’s book) - works in a shop, cleaner, fireman, soldier, nurse, builder…. Whereas middle class parents were actuary, marketing manager, some generic and nebulous “manager”….

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RandomAccount5927481@reddit

For sure, except my partners circles aren’t employees, more of an asset-rich, old school type of wealth with some dabbling in investments or ofc the good ol “consultancy”

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hamdafarages@reddit

By the way. If you have a job, you are working class. Middle class own businesses and investments that don’t need their constant input. Upper class don’t do anything, what they were born with does the work for them, or they are so rich that their money works for them.

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Colascape@reddit

This is probably a more accurate describtion of economic classes, but most of the time in the UK we are talking about social classes.

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Fudball1@reddit (OP)

Not sure I agree with this. It's one definition I'm sure, but not the definition most people would understand.

Going by your definitions, someone who owns a scrapyard is middle class but a surgeon is working class.

I do mostly agree with your upper class definition, though. I think the only person who got that wrong in this thread was an American and they mainly use middle class to describe all working class and lower middle class folks and use upper class where we would use upper middle class. The US doesn't really have an upper class. The closest they have that resembles our upper class would be wealthy old money types.

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Jaraxo@reddit

This is one of many definitions of a class structure.

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ReluctantRedditPost@reddit

My family tradition of Christmas stockings was I think seen as endearing by my middle class boyfriend. As a child my stocking was filled with small trinkets, stationary, toiletries, snacks and treats. None of that really would have counted as a present to my boyfriend and so would definitely have been seen as a waste of time when there were real presents to open.

For me, getting to open all those gifts was exciting and I new it would be little things that I enjoy and we didn't have the money for all the time.

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IGLOO_BUM@reddit

UK reddit has such a hard on for talking about class differences

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GruffScottishGuy@reddit

My last relationship had to end because she was of noble stock and her father wouldn't even entertain the idea of her marrying a landless suitor.

I tried to earn a parcel of land by performing a great action for My Lord however upon returning from my quest she had already been married off to one of the local barons.

I aimed to prove my love her for by challenging the baron to a duel however after I cast him down upon the flagstones of his castle courtyard she banished me from her sight.

I may never be able to wash the stain of dishonor from my hands, I now wander the land as a rootless vagabond.

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AncilliaryAnteater@reddit

I've been with women who were in the very comfortable middle classes - as someone who never a single day saw either parent work, grew up on benefits, free school meals, black mould everywhere, domestic abuse, alcoholism, substance misuse etc - I just generally find myself feel really inadequate. It contributed to acting out and sabotaging relationships. I know why I did those things with the vision of hindsight, but it does leave a sour taste.

I think beyond class shared values, emotional valency, sexual chemistry are most foundational to a relationship. I think you can definitely settle into another family or be with someone from an entirely different class, you just need to be very self aware, pragmatic and communicative to make sure it's in the benefit of all involved

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thehibachi@reddit

Similar to your situation - It has taken me six years to become even vaguely accepting of help in a fancy setting.

For a long time I could not cope with the idea of some fella my age carrying my little bag to a hotel room for me., especially since I’m on my way there myself! I don’t need another adult to be a donkey for me - please, you don’t have to do this!

It’s also illuminated me to the fact that a lot of posh people A) want to be perceived as less posh around me and B) have so many assumptions and intense insecurities about what people from other parts of society might think of them.

I’ve found the second part so interesting because it almost exactly mirrors what I grew up with: people attempting to act more ‘posh’ than they are and an enormous amount of insecurity and assumption about societal differences.

In conclusion there are lots of mean poshos but most of them are so isolated in their bubble that they’re scared of the world more than they are in judgement of it.

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PetersMapProject@reddit

I'm the middle urban class one in the relationship, while my partner grew up in the rural respectable working class.

Our usual confusion is whether dinner is at midday or in the evening.

Despite having grown up middle class in some ways, my partner is frequently horrified by my childhood, as his parents put far more effort in, while mine seemed to regard benign neglect as being the best model for childrearing. My parent stopped doing my laundry for me when I was 12. His mum was still doing it until he left home in his mid 20s.

But while my parents might have opted out of household chores at the earliest opportunity, they did teach me to ski, while my partner cannot see the attraction and sadly refuses to consider a skiing holiday.

Turns out my wife has never seen a Disney film as her parents hated them and thought they were not a good influence.

I thought I was the only one with parents who did this! To be fair it's considered barking mad by almost everyone and it's less related to class and more to do with my mother being the sort of person who went vegan decades before it was cool....

I've still never seen most of the Disney films. I think you need to associate them with childhood nostalgia to enjoy them as an adult to be honest.

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Rap-oleon_Bonaparte@reddit

I dated a crazy rich Asian for a while and I come from fairly humble stock, it was casual but for a long time. We really couldn't have a serious conversation, we would end up talking in circles as she couldn't get her head round the idea nepotism/cronyism could be considered wrong by anyone (of course my friends father hires me, it's only fair because my father hires my friends kid... No we don't really have to do the work of course.. etc) or why anyone would a problem with "beating" taxes and had little anecdotes about charity she thought was endearing but was just confusing (we gave away our spare treadmill to the maid who expressed no interest in treadmilling as far as I can tell but didn't seem to be on a living wage). We also didn't quite jive due to religion.

A fun game for me was I would get her to guess the value of things in my house and she always overshot by several hundreds or thousands, apparently the 20 quid Ikea coffee table is unfathomable.

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