I have no friends 😔

Posted by FlashyMajor1675@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 90 comments

British people, where do I even begin? 🤔 As a friendly and outgoing person, I'm shocked I still haven't made any friends here! 🤷‍♀️ It's like they say, 'Brits are a special breed'... and I'm starting to think they're a different species altogether! 🐶

Let's start with eye contact - or should I say, the lack thereof? 🙅‍♂️ It's like they're afraid of turning to stone if they meet your gaze! 🗿️ And don't even get me started on small talk; it's like pulling teeth to get a conversation started! 💉

But, of course, there's beer - the magical social lubricant! 🍺 Suddenly, tongues loosen, and conversations flow! 🎉 However, the next day, it's like they've forgotten we ever met! 🙈

And collaboration? Forget about it! 🙅‍♂️ It's like they think teamwork is a dirty word! 💔 I mean, can't we all just get along and work towards a common goal? 🤝

I'm starting to think that British reserve is just a nice way of saying, 'We're not very good at this whole human interaction thing'! 🤷‍♀️ But hey, I'm not giving up! I'll keep trying to crack the code and make some friends here! 🤞 Wish me luck!

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ankarpy@reddit

I mean, if you act anything like how you overuse all those emojis, it’s no wonder people are put off by the cringe.

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ifah_sadiyah@reddit

Imagine judging someone by what emojis they use.

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asimoviannomad@reddit

There's always this sub! Or other subs like it!

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Telecom_VoIP_Fan@reddit

You cannot generalize. As a Northerner, I am biased, but I do think you will find people up North are much friendlier and more open than what you describe.

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

You are right.

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Spirited-Dirt-9095@reddit

We're distrustful of people who use too many emojis.

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Fuck_Sympathy@reddit

What a stupid fucking thing to say.

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IndividualManager208@reddit

Shut up and be friendly entitled prick!!!

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False_Expression_119@reddit

Lol

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

There. I fixed it just for you pal. Cheers.

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freebiscuit2002@reddit

Find people with whom you have something in common. Shared hatred and ridicule of certain other people is always a good one.

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arnangu@reddit

When you come from France, you find english people soooooo friendly. Never cross the Chanel.

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notthegoatseguy@reddit

Immigration is hard. I know a lot of Commonwealth Nation peoples think going to another Commonwealth Nation might be as easy culturally as an American moving to another state. But these are still different countries with different cultures and norms. Even with the cultural overlap, the way you came to be as your own nation and culture are now different than what the UK culture is.

Now think of how hard immigrating would be for people who have to go to a country that speaks a foreign language, or where a different religion is dominant, or are moving from a home country urban area to new country rural area.

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gonative1@reddit

Indeed, relocating from Kenya to England was culture shock for me, even as a adaptable child.

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prettyprincess91@reddit

There is a big migrant community from east Africa - did you make friends with other immigrants from there. At least someone to speak Swahili with.

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gonative1@reddit

I would have liked to have made friends with Kenyans but it was not possible. I was in a small village in England and sent to boarding school. I’m not sure what to call it. It was being sent to a penal colony as a child. Or to boot camp as a child.

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prettyprincess91@reddit

I’m so sorry to hear that! My dad is from Mombasa and my mother was from Fort Hall. Huge community in London.

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gonative1@reddit

Thats interesting. We are mzungus. We act like we hate eachother. I dont but there seems to be something wrong with a lot of them. No community at all. Snobby as hell. When I run into anyone they are like “get away from me”, you’re not in my league, haha. Weird and sad at the same time. I’m glad you have community.

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GloriaHull@reddit

It's rarely everyone else. One common denominator is you. Join groups with shared interests. Sports teams, dorky clubs of whatever kind.... ect

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domsolanke@reddit

The UK isn't a closed society by any stretch of the imagination and nor are they a "reserved breed". Try to go to Scandinavia (where I'm from) if you want to broaden your perspective a little.

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Calm_Violinist5256@reddit

omg yes. I'm American and my husband is Swedish and whenever we visit it's torture. they are so sour and off putting. they hate that I smile and walk around in a good mood. Heaven forbid they look at a camera and smile when you take a picture of them. It's like they are afraid of having a good time. Or really just sticking out. Unless they are drinking.

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ontothemystic@reddit

I was in Sweden for 4.5 years and would go back tomorrow if I could find a job with visa sponsorship. It's all in who you know - I met some great people at SFI. My Swede friends were interested in meeting people from other cultures and my fellow immigrant friends were trying to make a new home.

Once, a group of us was out. A Swede, a Mexican Swede and me, a basic white American were at a restaurant laughing. The Swedish couple next to us pushed their baby's high chair over to our table because they wanted her to have fun too! We were laughing so hard and the baby was so excited. The memories are some of my favorites! The parents then said that they didn't know how to do that, to let loose and just laugh and they admired that in us. That they wanted their baby to grow up with joy.

Another time a guy sent me an anonymous note saying that my laughter made his day better. I found that swedes are reserved but nice. I love the quiet peace of the country and understand that they're a small(ish) population in a beautiful place. My Sami friend explained it as that they're used to having a lot of personal space. That doesn't mean they don't appreciate others. It's just newer to them.

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AntiFacistBossBitch@reddit

Strange, where in UK are you? I found British people so friendly, polite, chatty. And the men? So galant and helpful.

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prettyprincess91@reddit

Maybe you’re very attractive? I definitely do not get galant and helpful from any man - in the UK or other countries.

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AntiFacistBossBitch@reddit

Yeah I suppose but I have in beauty, but before anyone declares this a bonus, I lack in physical health.

I got galant & helpful in UK, US, Caribbean, Latin America, Greece.

But also Italy, I always say if you want to boost your self-esteem & femininity as a woman, just take a trip alone to Italy!

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prettyprincess91@reddit

Yeah I travel to Italy (most travel solo) a few times a year for work. This never happens to me - enjoy it as long as it’s not harassment. I think I’m mostly invisible.

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Mabbernathy@reddit

It may depend on city. London I've found to be a different animal from other parts of the country.

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United-Cup-4069@reddit

If you are unable to make friends in the UK, you cant make in any other western european country

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loosesatellite@reddit

I just want to say that I feel you. Whenever I try and explain this phenomenon to people they completely gaslight me with suggestions and it makes me crazy. I moved here from New York when I met my now-husband who is English and of the last 20 years(!) we have lived here off and on for 11. Every fucking time I think it will be different and I will make deeper relationships, and every time it fails. It’s been 5 years this time and I’m basically forcing him to look for work in NY so we can move back, which is causing massive tension in our marriage. I have “friends”; I have made efforts with neighbours and parents at my kids’ school and with people I work with, etc. The trouble is that it never feels like anyone would miss me much if they never saw me again. It’s all so circumstantial. I’m invited for drinks with a group of “mums”, but does anyone really ever get to know me? And before everyone piles on to say that it’s because I’m an asshole or socially awkward or whatever, know that I have also lived in 4 N American cities and I still have close friendships with people in all of them. The problem isn’t me. And I don’t think the problem is the Brits, either. The problem is that they are happy with their casual, circumstantial relationships and maybe it’s cultural and us North Americans just need more open, emotionally available relationships. But I can’t stay, as much as I love the theatre and the telly and the pubs and the rambling with dogs…I just can’t do this anymore. So, you’re not wrong.

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Maleficent-Main-8470@reddit

I am from a different country but I remember when I lived back home, I could make friends after a couple of months working in the same place. Here, I have been working for 4 years in the same company and I have like a couple of acquaintances. It has made me feel that I am socially awkward and shy, but when I think how I was back in my country, I remember that I am not.

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loosesatellite@reddit

Sorry, I assumed you were American but I see you are from NZ. I’m actually Canadian but lived in NY for a long time. Nevertheless I still relate to your experience here.

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Maleficent-Main-8470@reddit

100% agree and I don’t see a problem of using emojis

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Habanero-Poppers@reddit

This reads like the output of a ChatGPT prompting exercise, especially with all the emojis. That's not meant as mockery, this is just what it seems to be.

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carnivorousdrew@reddit

Russian bots post the craziest shit.

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carnivorousdrew@reddit

Made plenty of acquaintances and friends in the UK. In the UK you can also find lots of clubs for hobbies and activities you like. I tried the same in the Netherlands and Germany but it's impossible to integrate and even where you would expect IQ to be a bit higher people get really raging boners by asking joke questions like "Oh you are from country X? You must be eating Y all the time! I know you people steal a lot, I'll be watching out for my stuff then! eheheh".

So, I would say try to go to clubs of things you like and maybe go to the ones that have a higher neuron density level of entry.

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AntiFacistBossBitch@reddit

Hey I just came across this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/s/j6yDignE1E

Sounds like a completely different place to the one I knew.

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defmute@reddit

How good are you at swearing and using words like “nobber”?

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EvenOddShoulder@reddit

I assume you’re in London/South East rather than the more normal parts of the UK? Try the Midlands, North, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland - all full of friendly people

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AmphibianRemote7670@reddit

Where you at?

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

Wimbledon

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bristoltobrisbane@reddit

My Aussie wife has found the same. Everyone promises everything “we have to catch up”, “let’s swap numbers” etc and then nothing. Very frustrating as it has drained her social confidence

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

Exactly my point.

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Captlard@reddit

Really?

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

Yes I have been living in London for 3 years now. It's a closed society.

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smolperson@reddit

I made friends in London so easy, other expats are desperate to make new friends. It’s a you problem. Probably related to your emoji use.

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

Thank you. Duly noted your 👉 ☝️ point.

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prettyprincess91@reddit

Yes - generally expats are friendly and looking for new friends. Also Facebook groups like London new girl, etc.

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No-Caregiver8049@reddit

Nice post history.

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Captlard@reddit

Definitely not lol. I have made friends here, work from home and only live here half the year 🤷🏻‍♂️. Try different or harder.

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GreenerThan83@reddit

A sure fire way to win over Brits, and befriend us is to make a post complaining about our culture. /s

There is a huge community of Kiwis and Aussies in the UK, particularly London.

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prettyprincess91@reddit

Brits do love a good winge!

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prettyprincess91@reddit

Been in London for 5 years, haven’t really made many friends. Have a few neighbors that I got to know during Covid and we get drinks on occasion.

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rollingstone1@reddit

It’s because you live in London mate.

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Worthy-Of-Dignity@reddit

I live in the States, and I’m currently experiencing the same thing. I’m lonely in my own homeland 😞

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No-Echo-8927@reddit

By lack of eye contact I assume you're down south? You want to head north.

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GringoVerde32@reddit

Can anyone name a country that they moved to, that they had no family connections to, and made close friends with the locals easily? It seems obvious to me that when you move abroad to a different country with a different culture, it will be difficult to make friends.

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Iveechan@reddit

Philippines

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GringoVerde32@reddit

Good shout. I went there last year and the people were very nice.

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bumblebatty00@reddit

I did. UK lol (Scotland)

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Baejax_the_Great@reddit

China

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And3anp0t4to@reddit

Peru

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

Mexico. Made tons of local friends. Also US.

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South-Beautiful-5135@reddit

You are US American, right?

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

I have lived there.

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South-Beautiful-5135@reddit

Where are you from?

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

New Zealand

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Defiant-Dare1223@reddit

How are you finding hard in SW London. There's boatloads of kiwis and Aussies!

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smolperson@reddit

Huh? There’s an entire Kiwis in London group full of events. Kiwis and Aussies have networking on easy mode. Have you tried going?

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SeanBourne@reddit

OP thinks Brits don’t use enough small talk. An American would think Brits use too much. Dead giveaway OP isn’t American.

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1Isisblue@reddit

Where do you live?

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

London Wimbledon

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Defiant-Dare1223@reddit

Well people from London are a bit less personal - but on other hand there's tons of expats in the same boat as you.

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1Isisblue@reddit

Have you tried Facebook friend groups?

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coffeewalnut05@reddit

Where in the UK do you live?

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South-Beautiful-5135@reddit

So many emojis…

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

Sorry. Forgive me. I won't use them much again

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DatingYella@reddit

Aw. I wish you didn’t cave into pressure’

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

I don't do well in pressure.

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NineThunders@reddit

I don't forgive you

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roywill2@reddit

I suggest volunteering. Youll make friends right away. Theres a fair on Oct 1 top of Broughton St or visit https://www.volunteeredinburgh.org.uk/

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98753@reddit

I take it you’re in SE England/London. I get these people dominate the term “British” but as someone from Glasgow I found it shocking how cold, distant, and disinterested people were. It’s no just a big city thing, it’s just the culture

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AlbaMcAlba@reddit

Where in the UK?

Regardless it does take time to connect and become friends from a few months to years.

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Weekly_Beautiful_603@reddit

I have heard expats say these things about most countries. In the U.K., as in my adopted home, I’d say interest groups, volunteering, sports, local events, maybe pub quizzes.

I’m British, but when I lived in London most of my friends weren’t. There are people from all over the world who make London home. If you find people from other countries easier to get along with, seek them out.

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heylookoverthere_@reddit

Nah, Brits accepted me with open arms and I have big groups of friends here now. They’re lovely, friendly, kind people!

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Gaeilgeoir78@reddit

Find some Irish people to hang out with instead!

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FlashyMajor1675@reddit (OP)

Correct. Irish are sooo funnnn

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