Any men here struggle with depression even though the life is pretty good and comfortable?
Posted by 14MTH30n3@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 116 comments
I feel that our generation perceives and responds to depression differently. I personally try to “fight” it, as I understand there is nothing to be depressed about. But I can see it doesn’t work.
Anyone been in this situation and got their depression under control? Is medication the only real solution?
Klutzy_Attitude_8679@reddit
I have no room in my life to be sick or have mental health issues. Wife and kid have enough issues.
5t1nk3r@reddit
51m here - Floridian. Life by all accounts is good. I have a woman that loves me, two wonderful children, a great career ... but I lack purpose, and feel alone and isolated quite often. I don't know what it is, but I feel like a failure (even though no one would say that about me when looking at me from the outside). Something is missing, and I keep searching for that something. Lately, I feel like I'm close to finding the answer, and I've been better at forcing the darkness to go away, but it's always there.
My best friend said to me recently that we both know how this story ends and that he loves me even though I'm the Cameron to his Ferris. LOL - very true.
I have accepted that I'm wired this way, and I am grateful for this life, even with the sadness that is always present in my soul.
I think it's the solitude, the loneliness, even in a crowded room. Also, there's the fear that everything will be taken away from me at any given moment, without warning or cause, the lack of control over my future.
I know it's okay - but sometimes it is a lot and thoughts that I don't want to have sneak into my mind.
But not today Satan, not today.
scotty813@reddit
I did not realize that I had a broken brain until I was 37. I just thought that everyone felt like me but was lying about it. At that time, I thought that I had "chronic despression" and was self-medication with alcohol.
Two years later, I met my wife and she insisted that I go on psych meds. I was reluctant because that meant admitting that my brain WAS broke.
Then, I thought that I had BPD because I had good results with Lamotrigine, which is effective on BPD. But, then I read the symptoms of BDP, and I didn't come close to meeting the symptoms.
Then I read up on Adult ADHD, and the symptoms could have been defined just studying me! While watching a video by Dr. K, he mentioned a big symptom that I had not seen before was shame. He said that ADHAers feel shame because the watch people who are not as smart as them easily doing tasks with which they struggle. A little bulb came on in my brain and I realized that the shame was a big part of my "depression."
BTW, my biggest problems in life stem from procrastination. At 56, I am having epiphanies and breakthroughs that are changing my life. I am excited by the new challenges. I don't win everyday, but at least now I know the game that I'm playing! Of course, every now and then I think about the fact that I am doing this 40 years after I should have, but that way of thinking takes me in the wrong direction.
DM me if you want to chat me. I am more than happy to do a voice call as it is far easier than type!
Godspeed and try to do these things more days than not: go to the gym - or do yardwork or something, eat health, read, repeat mantras in your head, and meditate. The last two might sound really crunchy, but the results that I have experienced from them far exceed expectations.
Individual_Taste_607@reddit
After a lifetime of shame, and subsequent imposter syndrome, leading to trying every prescribed and alternative depression med, I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, at 47. Got rid of all meds except for high blood pressure, and began taking a med for ADHD. Holy shit! A year later and I feel like a changed/new man!
OldManNewHammock@reddit
Therapy, my brother.
What you are describing is very common.
Might I suggest this book. I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression https://a.co/d/5Uh0x0k
Source: Am therapist; been treating depressed men for 30 years.
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
Thanks, I pulled up a book summary with recommended actions. It's interesting as nothing on this list is groundbreaking but so hard to commit to.
Anything you can share from your 30-year experience on the common root causes of male depression?
OldManNewHammock@reddit
Sure! Here's some of what I've learned in treating men over 30 years:
Very, very respectfully-- reading a book summary and looking for recommended actions misses the point entirely. (Most men I've treated have tried this approach and it doesn't work.)
Despite what we see on social media, we cannot 'tips and tricks' our way of off depression.
I agree with Dr Jonathan Shedler here:
https://x.com/jonathanshedler/status/1440390211226136577?s=46
In part, he says, "Depression is analogous to fever—a non-specifc physiological response to enormous range of underlying conditions."
A good therapist can help you sort all this out.
Good luck!
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
Love the comment by Dr. Shedler, and completely agree that the summary is not the book. I read plenty of books to understand this. We do tend to look for a silver bullet of an answer these days.
Perhaps you can answer one more question. How do I know if a therapist is good? Outside of reading the online bios and patient reviews, that is. How to determine if I am being asked the right questions or being challenged to come out of my shell?
OldManNewHammock@reddit
THAT is an excellent question!
And -- sadly -- no easy answer.
IMHO, all the 'how to tell if your therapist is good' articles in pop magazines/ blogs are mostly nonsense.
Even after 30 years of doing this work, finding my own therapist is very, very difficult.
First - ask them about their own experiences in therapy (If they say, 'Never.' ... run away!).
Be curious about post-graduate training.
See how regularly they can meet with you (good therapy requires a regular time commitment- the greatest therapist in the world is no good to you if they can only meet once every 8 weeks).
Ask questions. Don't ask reddit, 'Why did my therapist say XYZ?' Ask your therapist. If, after a couple of sessions, you think you have the wrong therapist, TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST about your thoughts. Any competent therapist should welcome these discussions openly and without moral judgement. They might provide you with information that never occurred to you; or they might refer you to a therapist who better fits you.
Finally, recognize that the perfect therapist doesn't exist. We are all imperfect humans. Pick a therapist and commit to working on yourself. And then follow through .
Again ... GREAT question.
Good luck!
jonny_mal@reddit
It used to be daily, but now its at least weekly. I have a lot of regret goblins that try to get in my head about the "shouldves and couldves" from my youth, and theres also the "provider's stress" that keeps me up at night.
I've got a decent job, great kids and an awesome wife, but some things still creep in and trigger me. The worst part is how much a large sum of money would fix literally all my problems. Anyone who says money cant buy you happiness has never truly been poor.
That being said, I'm happy a lot more these days than I have been in the past 20 years. Weed helps a lot, so does my gaming group and the aforementioned awesome wife. Also, MST3K can pull me right out of nearly any spiral I find myself in
Wide_Breadfruit_2217@reddit
Up vote for the mst3k. Nothing like dome wholesome silliness to reset brain
MissAutoShow1969@reddit
What is it called when you’re depressed because your life is objectively bad? It seems that if everything is going your way and you’re still depressed, that’s like the definition of clinical depression which should be treated with medication.
Wide_Breadfruit_2217@reddit
I've heard the phrase situational depression. Like if lost job you might get symptoms like sleep disruption, appetite changes, emotional lability. But its over and above or lasts way too long.
JT-Av8or@reddit
I definitely get “bored with this planet” a lot more. A lot of shit pissed me off beyond reason. Spending 8 minutes going through voice menus because they won’t hire an operator so connect me to the correct place in 17 seconds. Stuff like that, and like “can’t wait to go to bed to put an end to this day” but not what I’d call depression at all. I definitely sigh sometimes and wonder how I’m going to deal with this stupid world and it’s stupid people for another 30+ years but that’s more of a GenX thing I think.
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
Yeah, this is my life. I basically operate from 6am to 10pm roughly.
When it's 10pm and time to go to bed, I feel a bit of relief that another shitty day has come to a close.
My only real hope is that something miraculous happens.
I used to believe in the "Law of Averages". The idea that if you have 100 shitty days in a row, the odds of the next day being awesome increases exponentially.
Then I discovered that this is actually bullshit. It's also known as the "gamblers fallacy".
Apparently, you could have 3,000 shitty days in a row, and that doesn't mean that the next day is any more likely to be better. It really sucks, because that concept (law of averages) was one the thing that was giving me a slight glimmer of hope
JT-Av8or@reddit
The thing is, none of my days are categorically shitty on any level. My wife is great, fit, fun my kids are successful and happy, I have great houses, cars, my boat is kind of a POS with engine problems and my plane is constantly eating parts but everything in my life is great. I’m just… kinda fed up with the way things are. I wish we were back in the 1990s.
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
Your plane?
You have a freaking plane breh?
Jigga please, lol
JT-Av8or@reddit
Yeah. Not super uncommon for professional pilots since we have experience and such from work. 1964 model, so it’s going through parts but there’s no other way to get an affordable plane. The new ones are 8x the costs.
scotty813@reddit
I have had periods where I wake up sad and lonely and go to bed feeling same. between those two times is Adderall. God bless Amphetamines...
Pho3nixr3dux@reddit
My morning prayer "O Adderall, be with me now."
catchyphrase@reddit
Are you in therapy?
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
No
catchyphrase@reddit
So then.. why should anything get better?
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
I have a hard time discussing my personal life and feelings with a stranger. Makes me feel weak and judged...
catchyphrase@reddit
I don’t like going to the gym and working out, full of super fit people and I feel weak and judged but I don’t like being out of shape even more. No one likes discussing personal life and feelings with others, it’s hard. A good therapist is AMAZING at helping you sort out yourself and they are not judgmental at all. What do you want for the remainder of your one and only life? Worsening depression or some initial discomfort in getting acclimated with a therapist that can help you? You are in command of your inner destiny.
No_Editor5091@reddit
I’m right there with you.
I thought it was my marriage. Went to a therapist and talked it all out. The good news is, it’s not my marriage, bad news it’s me!
I’m still seeing my therapist and it’s fine but I’m not sure it’s making a difference. I’m really opposed to meds but I’m not sure what else there is. I feel like if I could retire I’d be better but that’s easier said than done.
I’ve got nothing to complain about, good wife, kids, job etc. but I can’t say that I’m happy or that I even know what would make me happy.
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
I am curious how the therapist determines that it's not your marriage. Was it simple "do you love your spouse", which kind of puts you on the spot with the honest answer.
No_Editor5091@reddit
Once we talked through my complaints, concerns and insecurities it was clear that the issue was me. But yes, when she asked whether I love my wife I didn’t hesitate. Months later, I’m comfortable that the issues are mine. Obviously, everyone’s situation is different and I could totally see a scenario where my wife was the problem.
Mourning_Walk@reddit
Not sure if this will help but here's my experience.
Day to day, I look for moments of happiness. Glimpses. Its not a fight, its a breather. I embrace them in that moment, and let the moments seep into my breathing. I hit pause on everything for that moment. Then I let it go and hit play again and keep life moving with a little more energy. Sometimes very little, but still more than I had.
But you have to be open to taking what joy you find in those moments, regardless of what it is. That's the hard part.
Don't listen to what others tell you happiness is. Find your own. Comparing yourself to others is a great way to avoid moments of happiness. Your happiness may not be some blessed light on a hill bathing you in glory. For me, a moment of gallows humor about the wreckage in my life is motivating, but most do not understand that is happiness for me. Find your happiness, breath it in, and over time it builds up and keeps you afloat.
All the best brother.
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
I think the closest I am to feeling somewhat content is when I go on solo hikes deep in the woods. It's almost like saying "here you are, you wanted something to worry about, so start getting that adrenaline pumping"...
MyNameIsMudhoney@reddit
Yeah I think there's something to finding awe in nature daily--could seem mundane but still spark some joy. Yesterday at work--I hate my job--I saw a beautiful butterfly share space with me. Immediate mood lifter.
yearsofpractice@reddit
Hey OP. 48 year old married father of two in the UK here.
I have lived - looking back - with anxiety and depression most of my adult life. It is now managed and I can see a future when it’s reduced even further. Regards how I’ve improved things over the years, I’ll split it into two sections. The first is a well-worn path, but it works. The second is an embarrassing wade into “No SHIT, Sherlock” territory:
SECTION 1 - The Proven Methods
SECTION 2 - No SHIT, Sherlock
So, yeah, that’s me. I’m a different man to who I was five years ago. I’d recommend the journey to anyone.
OldSkoolPantsMan@reddit
Well done dude.
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
Thanks, good job. Medication seems to be where most people end up. However, I am interested in your therapy process. I feel weird talking about my personal issues to a therapist. Makes me feel less of a man, and I also think the therapist would judge me as they see more serious case of people who really need help, and look at me as another weirdo with too much time on my hands, or something. Anyway, I know that therapists are trained professionals and I am just blowing smoke, but that doesn't change how I feel.
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
I think depression is an evolutionary adaption.
Depression is actually designed to help us, not hurt us.
The depression that I've been going through over the last couple of years has me basically believing that life is 100% dogshit.
Which is a good thing.
It's dramatically lowered my expectations of EVERYTHING.
Which I believe is the point.
So many things in our lives try to tell us that every day needs to be happy and sunny and we have to have great things going on in our lives all the time. But if the truth of the matter is that life can be absolute garbage, then maybe it's better if you dramatically lower your expectations so that you're not constantly disappointed by basically every single thing that's happening.
Yes, I'm still miserable, but I'm not disappointed by shit anymore. I expect to be disappointed by everything. I expect everything to let me down. I expect to have a shitacular day today. I expect everything to be fucked seven ways till Sunday, and it usually is.
If something isn't awful, then it's a nice bonus.
It's like.... "Wow, that _____ wasn't as awful as I was expecting, that was actually pretty good". So you get pleasantly surprised by things, instead of constantly walking around thinking that everything is so ridiculously disappointing.
I made a thread on this subreddit awhile back complaining that all the good stuff in life is front loaded, and I 100% believe this to be true, despite all the gaslighting by commercials showing older people having the times of their lives
Weird-Conflict-3066@reddit
They are having the time of their lives because they are getting paid to look happy for the camera
MyNameIsMudhoney@reddit
Interesting! I've battled severe depression for 22 years now--su*cidal ideations and resistant to medications. And I've come to realize that when I'm depressed, I am more patient. I slow down and process things more deeply, I'm also more empathetic. Not saying I enjoy my mental illness but am working on viewing it differently. Anyway thanks for sharing your unique perspective :)
BluestreakBTHR@reddit
How long did it take you to cultivate this coping mechanism?
mikeyfireman@reddit
Better living through chemistry. I was a firefighter for 22 years and ended up with severe ptsd and depression. I wouldn’t be here today without meds. It doesn’t make me anything less than I was. If you are on the right meds it doesn’t numb you or make you feel weird, it just gives your brain the stuff it needs to run properly. If your mechanic told you that you needed to add something to your gas tank every fill up to keep your engine from exploding, would you do that? Same thing.
alvehyanna@reddit
yup. Wife and I have good enough jobs. Bought a house 10 years ago so mortgage is far less than most rents.
We aren't swimming in money, blew 75%of our savings this year on house stuff that needed to be done, but we should be set for a few decades now. For me, it's mostly were we are at as a society. So much selfishness, so much "me me me" and what I want is more important than your needs. Freedom is a punchline. Liberty something that people piss all over to tell other what to do. I'm glad to only have 30-40 years left. My life is as good or better than I hoped being raised by a single mother and struggling to get by. WAY better. But when I look around, I ask myself what's it all for if we're just going to burn the world to the ground.
Bob-Dolemite@reddit
what echo chamber are you living in?
Bob-Dolemite@reddit
anxiety. im anxious what feels like all the time for no good reason
Icy-Possibility-3941@reddit
I try and live “clean”, exercise regularly. But life is unbearable for the most part. The only reason I’m here is due to no availability to firearms and not having the courage to remedy the situation another way. It’s what’s “saves me”. I daydream about a long dirt nap. I imagine it to be like walking into A/C on a hot day. That with it would come with some relief.
For context: 55m/ no kids/ never married.
RichardPryor1976@reddit
58 and really struggling right now. I've had chronic back pain for the last ten years or so. I'm really getting to the end of my rope.
Asked for a referral to a psychiatrist yesterday.
Going to give it a shot. Fingers crossed.
Slobberchops_@reddit
Depression isn’t the same thing as sadness — it’s a chemical imbalance in your body. No one would say to a diabetic “why are you diabetic? You have a great job, happy family… just start producing more insulin”.
Why is it ok to seek medication to help with physical health but not with mental health? Especially when mental health issues are so often (always?) down to some physical problem in the brain. Why are we treating problems with the brain differently to problems with any other organ?
throwaway_boulder@reddit
I’ve struggled with it for more than 30 years. Fortunately I’m currently on good medication.
PlantMystic@reddit
Not a man, but yes. Life long struggle. Took meds for the first time in my 20s and it changed my life. It was a miracle.
combat_wombat_003@reddit
I’ve been done with all this bullshit for years. Fucking years. The stress, anxiety and depression associated with having to work, live & interact with these absolute fucking troglodytes is beyond comprehension. Everything is in decline and no one listens to us, our generation was at least lucky enough to see the best of it. We could fix it, but they wouldn’t pay us our worth so Fuck em all, I’m out, just tying up loose ends.
lexicruiser@reddit
Just want to live on the road, different place every week. My wife is younger than me and I don’t think she has the thoughts.
fabrictm@reddit
Yeah. Going through an existential crisis.
TheOptionalHuman@reddit
Depression is an illness and doctors can diagnose and treat it. Start with your doctor first. Trying to "fight" it can fail with horrific results.
I know a woman whose husband and children had a better than pretty good and comfortable life. Fantastic income, lived in a great part of the country, high-end vacations, adult children thriving and happy.
One morning her husband got up early, entered their garage, and hanged himself. No note, no hints, no outward behavior that suggested he'd suicide. No idea whether he was "fighting" depression himself, but it's not unreasonable to suspect he was.
Don't be him. Have an honest conversation with your doctor.
SoyInfinito@reddit
Honestly my divorce helped more than anything. I had forgotten who I was. Single life is peaceful and I’ve realized peace is what is important to me.
MyNameIsMudhoney@reddit
hey good on you for seeking that. What a wonderful gift to yourself! It's nice to hear of someone finding peace after so much turmoil.
Broke_Pigeon_Sales@reddit
Depression has been a life long struggle for me. I can be good for a while then may have weeks or months of sadness. The older I get the harder it seems to become to find quality time with friends (which is something I usually find helpful.) people talk about reaching out and checkin in on friends. No one checks on me.
I started magnesium glycinate earlier this year and felt like it really helped. I stopped and am starting back today because it’s been a rough few weeks.
I hope my dark thoughts go away.
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
I checked, it does have a lot of benefits. Will look for it on Amazon
Broke_Pigeon_Sales@reddit
I found some studies published before I tried it the first time. And there definitely seems to be validity to it. I took 350-400 mg a day and after a week to less I noticed a big difference.
Medium_Reality4559@reddit
It gives me crazy dreams at those doses. But if it works maybe it’s worth it?
Certain_Medicine_42@reddit
Same. Ketamine, talk therapy, and exercise are the only things that have helped. Fighting through it or staying silent are literally the worst things I can do. It’s serious and very dangerous. It does feel harder now, in my 50s, to still be dealing with this shit. Wears me down.
Libster1986@reddit
Yes, I have a good job, good home in a great city, a lovely and supportive wife, a healthy child who's grown to be a kind and successful individual, and finally I'm in good physical health. Yet, I don't enjoy anything but sleep and forget what excitement, anticipation and contentment feel like.
ThePussyBurglar@reddit
Sure. My plan is to drink myself to death like my father.
TakeTheThirdStep@reddit
Yes, but it's nothing new. I'm finally in therapy working on it.
If I had my obstructive sleep apnea diagnosed and treated as a kid, and had some CBT/EMDR for anxiety/depression/trauma I would have had a much better life. I'm 50 now so I'm looking forward to good years from here on out!
Ocstar11@reddit
50M here. I feel this
Echo15charlie@reddit
Right there with you, brother. Makes it even worse when you’re, relatively, well-off and you shame yourself for being depressed knowing that you have better circumstances than most.
Jolly-Sandwich-3345@reddit
Yes. My Mother and younger Sister passed away about a year and a half apart I struggled for a few months there. I'm fine now though.
para_diddle@reddit
I'm not a man, but can offer some insight about depression. It takes no prisoners. It grips even those who consider their lot in life a positive.
Life may be "good and comfortable," but if the brain chemicals are out of whack, it will color everything grim and bleak. It's an awful feeling.
Reaper-fromabove@reddit
I def feel like that.
I had a ton of change in a short amount of time, a divorce and retiring from the military after 26 years in a 3 year period.
I’m more financially secure now than I’ve ever been and I still struggle with anxiety, depression and ptsd.
genialerarchitekt@reddit
I struggle horribly with depression and despair and have done so all my life.
I put it down to two things: growing up in a strict fundamentalist Christian household and church and then totally losing my faith when 1) I realised I was gay and 2) began studying science.
When you lose your faith you have to make your own way through life, find your own meaning. I've never successfully been able to do that. I spent a lot of time reading psychoanalytic theory, existentialism, phenomenology and structuralist theory and although I learnt heaps, they didn't solve my problem.
It's like a little kid whose whole life revolved around Christmas and Santa Claus and was traumatized to find out it was all just a fairytale. It's like that for me with religion. Going back is not an option. The reality of God is about as convincing to me now as the reality of Santa Claus.
And the second thing is the loss of feeling, of intense emotions, of novelty as you get older. As perverse as it sounds, even the despair I felt in the 90s as a 20-something, as bad as it was was better than this utter flat grey nothing I feel now.
Ironically there was a big, loud soundtrack to play along to my feelings of sadness back then: Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, The Cure, Soundgarden etc. Now there's nothing. I'm not sure if I even enjoy music anymore and somehow that is much, much worse.
I've tried every antidepressant known to medicine without luck. I've been excluded from psychedelic treatment trials as I've had psychotic episodes with marijuana. I'm considering ECT in desperation. I just feel stuck inside my head, my body, like a stranger and I just want to go home, go to sleep and never wake up.
HipH0pAn0nymous@reddit
If your body doesn’t make insulin, a man’s dick doesn’t work, a woman’s estrogen is plummeting, immune systems need help, ovaries making eggs no one want fertilized, we don’t “fight” it, we get medication.
We have to treat our bazillion brain chemicals similarly. If you have one lacking, get medication.
genialerarchitekt@reddit
I'm not against anti-depressants as such, I would just say: be careful.
The brain is an incredibly complex organ, ridiculously so in fact. Any neurologist and neuroscientist worth their salt will tell you we have no idea, none at all really what causes subjective consciousness to arise, how it holds itself together or how it interacts with the brain.
We have a pretty good idea that the two are closely connected, by correlation, but that's it. The rest is all speculation.
Taking antidepressants is a serious decision. You're blasting the brain - possibly the most complex, and certainly one of the least understood objects in the cosmos - with a barrage of chemicals that radically alter its function in ways we understand very little.
For many people antidepressants are little better than placebo. Now there's nothing as such wrong with a placebo so if an antidepressant is working for you that's great.
Just be aware, as someone who's taken pretty much the whole pharmacy over a lifetime battling major depressive disorder that many can come with unwanted, nasty side-effects, many of which relate to sexual function.
In other words, if you have an active sex life then be careful before you try hitting your depression with little pills.
But if they're working for you, then honestly, I really envy you. Just remember, you're treating the symptoms but not the underlying causes.
tsoldrin@reddit
talk therapy can help.
Wonderful_Peak_4671@reddit
Yes. Wellbutrin is a life changer but still have rough days.
NegScenePts@reddit
Yep! Been a monkey on my back since the age of 13. Long time medicated...doing alright with the odd slip now and then.
Donoutdoors79@reddit
Boy, you hit a nerve. I'm 45, doing better in my career than I ever have, own my home, wife loves me, but I'm feeling so overwhelmingly sad and hopeless. There's really no reason for it, but I can't just ignore it until it goes away like I do with my new growing older aches and pains. I'll definitely keep an eye on this post to see if there's good solutions.
Keep those chins up guys
conspiracy_troll@reddit
This won't answer your question, but maybe add to the discussion. I've been on Prednisone for over a week because of illness, (I'm fine now) and it feels nice. Besides the aches gone, I have more energy and will be sad when I stop taking it. I plan on getting tested for testosterone levels, and possibly getting supplements? if my levels are too low. I don't know much about it, but does anyone think this may be contributing to depression problems? Or anyone on testosterone supplements can speak about it?
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
I just did a full blood work few day ago. Everything looks very good. Not sure if it checks for vitamin deficiencies.
Opposite_Ad4567@reddit
Depends on the doc. A typical Chem panel does not check B12, iron, hormones, etc.
conspiracy_troll@reddit
My blood panels do. I'm prescribed vitamins d and B12. I wonder if regular blood lab work checks testosterone.
docthirst@reddit
Yup. I'm in this with you brother, you just described me to a tee.
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
Its no way to live. I feel like I am just existing, moving through one event to another, with no real enjoyment in-between
Opposite_Ad4567@reddit
You are right that this is no way to live, so I encourage you to talk to a doctor. Medication (especially along with therapy, exercise, etc.) can really change things for the better. Depression is a chemical imbalance, just like other illnesses.
scotty813@reddit
I have never seriously come close to early release, but I certainly know how I would do it. At one low point in my life, I describe my state as just looking for an honorable way to die. But, there's never babies trapped in a burning house when you need it!
Best of luck to all and please reach out if someone need to hear a sympathic voice who knows where you're at!
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
The only enjoyment I get on a daily basis is the first couple of bites of something sweet. Like a Blueberry muffin that's been warmed up in the microwave, split in half, with a little bit of butter on it.
I'm not even joking. It's the only joy/bliss/happiness I get in this wacked ass life
Stallone_Writer@reddit
Not a psychiatrist or physician here. Only a middle-aged Gen-Xer who began to struggle with depression in early 2022. What I learned about medication: it should be thought of as a “tool.”
My doc put me on a mild SSRI. What he told me two years ago removed any confusion or stigma about it: some people hit a certain age, and their body does not produce enough serotonin. It happens.
PaulClarkLoadletter@reddit
It’s always something I’m mindful of. I check in with my doctor regularly to make sure my dosage is appropriate. I used to try to “fight it” until I learned that not all depression or anxiety has a catalyst.
The epiphany that I needed help was when I realized that I didn’t have much to be concerned about but I was still constantly worried about everything.
OnionTruck@reddit
I'm still recovering from a lifetime of bullying, so yeah, I take anti-depressants.
GeoHog713@reddit
Depression isn't something to fight against. It's ok to not be ok, even if things seem fine from the outside.
Getting your hormones checked is good advice. Also, find someone to talk to. If your employer has an EAP you can normally get into see someone quickly, and the first 5 visits are normally free.
I think about it like this. Realizing that you might have depression (or any mental health issue), is like the check engine light going on. Getting help from a therapist (and maybe also a doctor) is like taking the car to the mechanic. You CAN put duct tape over the light..... But eventually you're gonna blow an engine.
cartoonchris1@reddit
You can have an optimal life and still be depressed. It’s bio101.
AnathemaPariah@reddit
Every day of my life.
JeffTS@reddit
Life is pretty good and comfortable? Pfft, nah man. I struggle with depression. But in typical Gen X fashion, I just say "whatever" and keep carrying the load on my shoulders. People depend on me and that keeps me going.
TerribleRadish8907@reddit
I just signed up for mushroom microdoaimg therapy. I want to enjoy the last 20some good years of my life with less anxiety, depression,.etc. Can't hurt to try. I've read of miraculous turn around I'm mood, optimism and a renewed interest and appreciation of life. Sign me up!!!
BanDelayEnt@reddit
Please report back!
mochalatteicecream@reddit
Therapy is helping
this_is_Winston@reddit
I've had to deal with it before. Doing some lifestyle tweaks like being active, getting enough sleep and quitting drinking pretty much fixed it for me. There's also a cheap supplement called agmatine sulfate that's helped, but just use it a few times a week. You have to stay engaged in life and living. if you give in to "i'm too depressed to do anything", then you're fck'd.
mike___mc@reddit
There’s a book called The Comfort Crisis that every dude our age should read.
tryitweird@reddit
I’ve struggled a lot. The old school ways of sucking it up seem to be to ingrained even though intellectually I know it’s not the best way.
Micro dosing has been on my mind. I need to find a new Dr, I’m having issues with my current one. There’s been posts about late diagnosis ADHD and I check some boxes there.
Idk. I haven’t left my bed today.
Flashy-Armadillo-414@reddit
Strangely enough, no.
F_is_for_Ducking@reddit
When I start doing well I tend to get self destructive to even things out.
internalobservations@reddit
Yes, regularly. I wish I had a simple solution to offer. Our age plays a part too. I struggled with depression as a teen, but in midlife, that shits harder when you’re looking at all the things you’re responsible for, the retirement you’re trying to prepare for, and all that jazz.
Finding purposeful activities outside my normal routine has helped me recently. I just started picking up contract work in the music fest world. Completely outside my work life. The events themselves are fun, but the work has been very therapeutic recently. For me, it’s something that’s contained. It lasts as long as the contract and then it’s over. The finite timeline has helped to slow down the ruminating, self judgy thoughts, and overall depression.
Boomerang_comeback@reddit
If life was terrible and uncomfortable, it might not be depression. Depression is a state/problem in itself. It needs to be dealt with as such. If things go wrong, and the world is treating you like crap, a d you feel down because it, that's not depression. That's just being sad.
Sad is a normal and healthy reaction to certain events. The feeling will eventually fade and correct itself. Depression isn't related to events. It's your body reacting and not making sense. Depression doesn't necessarily go away as things improve.
That's why depression needs to dealt with as a problem, and not just ignored. Sometimes that means repeated, corrective actions in your life to positively impact your brain chemistry. Sometimes that means therapy. Sometimes it means drugs.
Get help if you need to. Get help if it just goes on and on and you can't figure out how to get rid of it on your own.
BuddaJim2023@reddit
I absolutely did. But what I did won’t work for you and isn’t possible.
You’re not looking to change anything; just posting to anonymous strangers for commiseration, and little dopamine from people responding. That’s all.
Trust me, when you’re truly ready, you won’t have to post on Reddit about it. You’ll just do it.
Lakerdog1970@reddit
Ehh….my ex wife said I suffered from crippling depression.
As it turned out….i just didn’t enjoy being married to her. I’ve been remarried for about 15 years and depression is not a problem anymore.
Sometimes we get “depressed” because our life isn’t actually what we want. It might seem like a perfect life, but all that really matters is whether we’re happy or not.
Whitworth@reddit
I live a comfortable normal family man life. I'm depressed because that's all I am now and have desires to be more.
TotallyRadDude1981@reddit
Only for my whole life. Honestly the only reason I haven’t blown my brains out is because I’m too much of a coward to pull the trigger. Otherwise somebody else would be commenting in my place. So I get up, trudge my way through it, and fight to live to see another day. Though sometimes I wonder why I bother.
BigMoFuggah@reddit
I used to but now my depression is justified
DsppntdPrfctnst@reddit
Oh yes.
Not going to get into details, but it finally got me good a couple years ago. Now stuck in this endless loop, yo-yoing between "This is so hard" and "Who the fuck cares anyway?"
Vivid-Teacher4189@reddit
I can’t say whether it’s for you or not as I’m not your Dr or psych but I know that for me 3 years of medication for ptsd and related issues was absolutely the wrong answer. Never really worked and on some ways made my issues worse. Everybody is different is my point and what works for one person won’t work for another. I was so happy to kick that nasty shit and I’d never take it again if you paid me to do it. But that’s just me, I find other more natural things have worked much better. Diet, excercise, change of lifestyle and location etc etc.
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
I think I was happy about 8 years ago.
Last 8 years have been dog crap
MikeW226@reddit
I have had a little bit of depression, but, and this is no jam against folks who enjoy adult beverages- I quit drinking a few years ago, and the little bit of depression became even less, now that I'm not drinking. Somehow (for me, again, no slam on others) my brain didn't jive well over time with drinking. Some kind of chemical reaction was going on, chronically, in my brain, from the alcohol. I didn't even know it or feel it til I was quit several months. To each their own, though. Many are able to drink casually and not have any problems. YMMV.
bizzylearning@reddit
I suspect we often forget that we are whole, deeply integrated creatures, and the solution to a problem is quite often multi-pronged.
Diet, hormones, activity, underlying medical conditions, social connection, spiritual health, meaningful work. An issue in any (or many) of these areas could be impacting your depression. Whatever path you take, I'd encourage you to touch on each of those aspects in the process.
For example, you may discover an underlying medical condition that impacts nutrient absorption, which is tanking your hormone production. But if your diet is the standard American trash diet and you aren't active enough to support healing (in whatever form that may take - I'm not saying you have to deadlift 550 to be healthy, by any means, but you know if you're active enough to be keeping yourself in good form), then medical intervention is only going to go so far.
I'm not saying that if you have a "good-job-but-not-meaningful-work" that shucking the whole thing to find your bliss is going to do the trick. But if you do have a job that doesn't provide meaningful satisfaction from it, then looking for supplemental things - volunteering in your community, taking up a hobby that provides that quality of stimulus/feedback, taking on an apprenticeship in another field for your own edification, etc. - could be ONE prong of the multi-pronged approach. It wouldn't eliminate a solid hormone panel and a good look at your relationships or spiritual condition, though.
Healing becomes significantly more comprehensive and satisfying when our approach is comprehensive and addresses the whole person.
BuddaJim2023@reddit
"American trash diet": This is the absolute #1 thing on the list to recognize, change and commit too that will have the biggest impact. Whole protein, fruits, vegetables. One ingredient foods found not in store aisles. This and consuming and internalizing destructive media in all forms.
Realistic_Special_53@reddit
I don’t know that medication is a solution, unless it is for specific health related problems, like insulin. But yea, “fighting it” doesn’t seem to work. I am going through a rough spot right now, but admittedly was depressed before everything went to hell. Life is a non stop shit show. For me, I do try and reflect on the positive things, and to try to remember it’s not all bad, as it’s not all good is obvious. Even with my troubles, life is safe, I have a job, some money, I am not starving. But I dwell on my failures and loneliness. That’s what gets me.
BuddaJim2023@reddit
Pills are not the answer, nor will they solve your issues. I've healed myself out of incomprehensible things, but it took daily effort, discipline and commitment without any help and just the certainty that the changes I made were right and worth it.
If you actually want to truly "heal" yourself out of depression, which most say they do, but just complain and don't because they're comfortable in the coping mechanism that is depression, let me know and I'll outline what it takes.
Good luck
Wide_Breadfruit_2217@reddit
Not good at links but find article "depression curse of the strong" totally speaks to that suck it up buttercup mindset and why it really doesn't work
14MTH30n3@reddit (OP)
Read the summary. I agree with author. By fighting it I also mean finding the solution. In my mind I feel there is a simple solution but I just not seeing it.
Wide_Breadfruit_2217@reddit
Guess I skimmed over that oops. Article is still worth reading. It gives a pretty simple solution but its not what some people want to hear. But I found it works
Sweet_Priority_819@reddit
Get your hormone levels checked. The issue could be low testosterone and that's cheap and easy to get replaced.