Moving back to India from Berlin
Posted by lookingfor111@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 44 comments
Hello All,
It's kinda rant..
I don't know how to explain but everything was going smooth and all of a sudden I started thinking to move back to India.
Berlin was great and I never thought I would ever thought to move. I bought flats, have a great job but somehow the emptiness stuck in me and I started watching about life, purpose and started feeling that my life is gonna be so empty if I keep staying here. If I move, I will sacrifice lot of financial means but I made enough as well, which I never thought or imagined. But I am also feeling that I am just being selfish and I could do even more if I stay here. But I running in cycle and everyday look like same. I have no interest in developing a new friends or circle now, as I tried hard in past and it's n not working. I have passed a age of club( in my mind) and want to have a meaningful life. But I am scared too to make a big move. I need to sell my properties and just close my Germany chapter. I always have a feeling that what if one day, I will die here and how my family gonna know about me or will they get by body? I lost my father by heart attack and being here and until I reach India, my family need to creamate him. I didn't see him and it stuck my mind, that what if something like this happen to me! I am in so much dielemma that I can't explain! I like Berlin but the recently I find it so harsh, unfriendly and look like everyone is sad here..
Also I can't live in India with my family, so need to figure out again the new city and all, and I am feeling like all my life is just moving and not a one single home where i feel home..may be someone could relate!
Thank you for reading
Own_Whole_8491@reddit
You seem to be in a dilemma of whether to stay in the Germany or India. I'll tell you this as an American living and working in India: As long as your able to find a decent job, and able to find happiness from your surroundings, both places are good, be it a western country or India.
If you go back to India, you will keep thinking what would have happened if you stayed in Germany.
If you stay in Germany, you will keep thinking what would have happened if you moved back to India.
Whatever choice you make, make an informed decision, and don't look back.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Thank you for taking time..yes it's a dilemma playing in head for long..I am not looking to do any job in india but a happiness and a home.. Which city is India you are and how long you are in India? Thx
Puzzled-Method-6267@reddit
Yeah, I have been living in Germany for 10 years, I can't shake off the idea that whenever I'm outside, most people are racist and this makes me anxious and not enjoy life.
No-Tip3654@reddit
Berlin is not representative for all of Germany. Literally any other german city is going to have friendlier inhabitants. You could try out relocating within german borders. Not everyone in Germany is antisocial.
Karriere@reddit
All of Germany is like that. I have lived in several places in Germanyy
No-Tip3654@reddit
I lived in the Ruhrpott for 11 years and people there are definetly friendlier than in Berlin. And it does get better the more south you go. People in Bayern and Baden-Württemberg are socially warmer in comparison to people from northern Germany.
Karriere@reddit
I lived in BW for 7 years. Can’t agree to be honest.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
No I am not generalizing and my fault too, to not pro active..nevertheless which city of german borders you are suggesting? It's a good thought..
No-Tip3654@reddit
The more you move south, the friendlier the germans become. If someone were to put a gun to my head and force me to relocate to Germany again, I'd go for München or Stuttgart. Definetly below Frankfurt. But you could also try out Köln.
Paria1187@reddit
People automatically think that wealthy countries are a paradise to live in.
Countries like Germany, The Netherlands and Denmark are a hell when it comes to making new friends. The people are somehow very cold and unapproachable. Conversations are mostly small talk and it's hard to feel a deeper connection with them. You can be surrounded with them, but still feel lonely.
I've once read that the women in these countries are relatively old when they get kids, so a lot of kids are born with autistic traits. It's not something cultural that they are antisocial.
In the end you should find your own group of people you vibe with. If none of them are Germans or Dutch, then so be it.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
You put my feelings in a better way..thx
Bitter_Boat_4076@reddit
Do NOT sell right away! Give yourself some time. I moved back from Germany be ausse I felt the way you feel, but in the end I kind of regretted it after a few months..
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Yes, I can keep only place in case I wanna be back..the option to be back is there but I have a constant feeling that after spending almost 14 years, I haven't had a single solid friend circle..indeed my fault is omnipresent as I am introvert..also Berlin used to be so much fun and now it seems like a rat race and grumpiness around
Bitter_Boat_4076@reddit
Maybe the glasses through which u see it changed :)
Scipio555@reddit
This is true, but it’s also true that Berlin has shifted through the years.
It’s much more gentrified and going in the bourgeoisie direction, compared to its more underground hipster vibe it’s so much known for (it still has it, just not on the same levels it had a decade or so).
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
ha ha..can be true!
torticaa@reddit
Why did you regret it?
Bitter_Boat_4076@reddit
Well, there is a reason, usually, that made you leave in the first place.
Life in Germany was kind of boring, true, but I now think that being bored is a bit of a luxury. That means that you do not have to worry about basic things: a good job, decent society, etc.
After a few years abroad, I also miss the internationality that came with that experience. I felt more of a "world citizen", if that makes sense...
The only point that is undeniable is that our parent get older, nothing can change that, and I do understand the suffering that comes with the decision of living far away.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
yes my thought too..that my siblings also getting older at same time and I haven't spent a qulaity time with them..also the monotonous way of life here..Indeed, I have a safety as you mentioned, but same netto, aldi, office etc is making me feel that I am missing something..
torticaa@reddit
May i ask where did you move back?
Bitter_Boat_4076@reddit
South Italy
Schyzo_shrink@reddit
I think u might regret going back, the saying “ the devil you know is better than the one you don’t” fits best in this context. Just try to make more and meaningful friends, try new hobbies ect
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Yes I am taking this in mind..
Karriere@reddit
Germany was always ‘harsh, unfriendly and sad’. Literally other Europeans say this too. I moved from UK to Germany and felt like death instantly. It’s not you, it’s Germany. Germany is suitable only for Germans (and I say this as a liberal).
If you can’t go back to your home country, give somewhere else a shot. May be Middle-East, SEA.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Thanks for the view.. Yes I realized it after living here almost 14 years. I was young back then and once I get into the system, work life, neighbour's and everyone trying to screw you( in my case, hauswerwaltung, handymens, neighbour's,co owners and all sort of people who you have to deal with, they fight about noise and trash seperation all the time and sheer unfriendlyness and not to forget the paperwork )..my workplace was great in past but somehow it's doesn't interest me..I feel like dead but I appreciate that I can be free here but at what cost..few ppl saying it's me only as I am not pro active to make friends and it's feel like a compulsion is on me to make a first move always
Karriere@reddit
Have you got the citizenship? Get the citizenship asap and run. You can always go to another EU country (not Germany) if things don’t work out in India.
If you go to India, stick to Bangalore or Mumbai and get connected with LGBT community there. India is progressing, although slowly. If you can go to US, go there.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Hi..yes I have a citizenship..got couple of years back alreday.. Yes m also feeling like to move to big city in india and get connected with my tribe..
Karriere@reddit
Yeah, if you have German citizenship just move to India and if things don’t work out move elsewhere in EU that is not Germany. Nothing to lose here really.
It will take sometime to adjust India but people are friendly, have soul, optimism and flourishing entrepreneurial spirit. No more faceless faces.
carnivorousdrew@reddit
Unfortunately the northern countries, Nerherlands and Germany are like this and do this to most people. That is why they spend way more than other Europeans to travel abroad, even they have to escape for a while from the horrible weather and lifeless rat-race cycle. I moved back to Italy from the Netherlands with a considerable pay cut, yet we are much happier here, we also have family support and network, which is very important and makes a world of difference (unless your family sucks), the weather and food is so much better and cheaper that it does not feel like a financial burden to buy things that are healthy and not already half rotten.
Why would you feel selfish moving back? Do you have dependents in Germany? If you do not have kids yet, I would seriously consider it, you made money already, put it to good use and get a good home that you could have never afforded in India, and you can live a nice life with people you know and care about.
nimenionotettu@reddit
But Italy is so hot in summer. I live in Finland and there are times during the winter where I feel like I am tired of shoving snow from the garage and putting 3 layers of clothes just to take out the trash. But a week of holiday in Italy or Spain in the summer makes me want to peel my skin off my body. I seriously considered moving to Spain even with a big slash in my paycheck but I just cannot handle the heat and you would even think I would because I am originally from SE Asia.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Same in india..the summer is really harsh and that's one of the thing, making me think twice..
carnivorousdrew@reddit
In the summer people stay at home/office with AC and go out early in the morning or at night. Only tourists go out with 40°C at 2PM.
xdarkshinex@reddit
Ugh, it's painful every time to read things like this about the Netherlands. I've lived there for a while and I can't help feeling like something is seriously wrong with this country, which is confirmed by reading what you and others write here on Reddit. I've recently visited my home country in Eastern Europe and I was sad to realize that I wasn't looking forward to going back to the Netherlands. Despite having a great partner and more money in the Netherlands, I feel so dead inside here. Life passes me by. I think part of the problem might be me, but I strongly feel it's the country as well. I think at this point I'll make it my goal to save money and one day escape. Thanks for your comment.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Selfish that I have a partner and we made a plan that I ll live here..I am Gay..so no kids..here i have no one except my partner tbh..
carnivorousdrew@reddit
Would your partner consider moving? You will become depressed/resentful if you really feel bad in Germany and want to move back. You two should talk about this. Maybe you could visit for a prolonged amount of time so your partner may get a gist of how it would be to live there... Show him preferably the life you could afford with your money earned in Germany.
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
He is really into moving but I am feeling that it ll change all his life and he has a job here too..he wants to leave everything but in india he can't live more than 6 months in a year..as he won't get a visa for long term..
nayanexx@reddit
Why can't you spend some time in both if you are not dependent anymore on having a job? Spend 3 months in Germany and the rest in India, or 50/50?
davidswelt@reddit
If you are depressed and life lacks meaning in Berlin, I suspect it will be that way anywhere after a while. A move will seem exciting in the short term, but after the dust has settled, you end up in the same place. You need to find out what you want to do with your life and then you can implement that, wherever that may be. (Renting out properties rarely seems meaningful. Been there, done that.)
Rare-Contest7210@reddit
Do you think it's age factor? Kids? Their future? Do you think it's a temporary phase? Have you ever tried to live in India for a longer period (couple of months in a single stretch ) of time since you have left? Or do you think it's your sense of guilt that is causing this cloud? Or do you miss all cultural untidiness of India? Does it make sense to make a small step first instead of crashing down everything in one go?
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
Thx, I don't have kids ( Gay) and I am 38, . I miss people, easiness to talk or just a familiarity..yes u r right to make a 6 months or so..
nayanexx@reddit
How is it to be a gay man in India? Seems like a pretty conservative society. People are kinda pushed to be married
lookingfor111@reddit (OP)
It's changing now and it's very easy to meet Gay guys now then before.. grindr is making thing easier and that's the reason I said as I can't live my family in same city..else this topic would come easily..but they kinda stopped asking me anyways
nayanexx@reddit
Wow. I am surprised to hear that. But I hope one day this cease to exist as a tabu topic for them and they fully accept and love you for who you are. I hope you can have an honest and open conversation with them and "show your true colours", feel comfortable to present your boyfriend to them.
After all, what's the point of doing all of that if you cannot be yourself at your own home (India), with your own kind, right? I think the impossibility of that would hurt you.
I think once we leave home we neve again feel like belonging anywhere, it's an eternal floating around the space. It's a very unease feeling. So I understand you.
mmori7855@reddit
🫂