I'm sorry Smokey, you were over the line.

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Jaayeff@reddit

Read the article. It’s actually pretty funny.

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If “funny” means going along with hostility against marginalized people perpetrated by an out of touch old man carrying a knife on his belt while trying to pretend his intrusive bigotry is clever and friendly conversation, well… that’s just like, a shitty opinion, man.

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Jaayeff@reddit

But it’s still an opinion. 😝

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Aware-Courage1208@reddit

Im almost positive this is satire

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TryAgain024@reddit

Unfortunately, no, based on what turns up in Google.

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Aware-Courage1208@reddit

Jesus that's crazy

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SketchSketchy@reddit

All Liebowski fun aside for a moment, that guy is a a fucking creep. He walked around Austin with his son playing a game of guessing what genitals people had? What a weird loser. Time out on the range must rot your brain.

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LarsThorwald@reddit

All Lebowski fun aside, that looooong story he tells in that piece almost certainly didn't happen. This guy is both wrong and an asshole.

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SketchSketchy@reddit

I used to carry a knife around everywhere I went. Then I turned 13.

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PunkRockMiniVan@reddit

And as the “editor” of the paper, he clearly is overmatched. I counted at least a half-dozen errors in his copy.

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Alternative-Way-8753@reddit

Regrettably, it's true, standards have fallen in small town newspapers. It's blogging, Dude. Now that we're competing with the amateurs, we can't afford to invest that little extra in spelling, grammar, or interesting ideas.

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TryAgain024@reddit

You’re a helluva weird Caucasian, Briggsy.

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MrMason420@reddit

That creep can roll.

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OE2KB@reddit

Eight year-olds, Dude.

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SketchSketchy@reddit

Roll is way into the semis. Flashing his knife out on the lanes. Him and his son need to go door to door. You know why.

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Dr_Middlefinger@reddit

Fucking Briggs, man… that creep can roll.

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somereallyfungi@reddit

I’d feel bad for Laura (can’t imagine Smokey is generous lover) but she choose to shoot out crotch goblin with this pile of shit in a western hat, wranglers, a belt, and a knife

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ShredGuru@reddit

Yeah. Seems like an insufferable asshole. I think about the time he's teaching his kid to call other people humanoids I'm ready to flush the turd.

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somereallyfungi@reddit

I imagine he’s the kind that looks at cows 45 minutes a day, wakes up from a nap at 4:30, and asks “what’s for dinner?”

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TryAgain024@reddit

Hopefully things that involve using a microwave.

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mule318@reddit

Don't forget about the pearl buttons.

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somereallyfungi@reddit

“I can’t be gay. I just want more men in pearls!”

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mule318@reddit

What is that, some sort of Western thing?

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itsyourbirthdayz@reddit

They call Austin the “Hippie Haven”. I didn’t find it to be that exactly, but I’ll allow there are some nice folks there.

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TryAgain024@reddit

But there was certain visitors like Mr. Briggs, who didn’t make a whole lotta sense to me.

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RepublicKitchen8809@reddit

He’s got emotional problems, man. He’s fragile, very fragile!

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Green_Bast3rd@reddit

I did not know that...

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TryAgain024@reddit

Welp, it’s all bigotry under the byline. And he does edit & publish the next fucking edition, am I wrong?

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Dr_Middlefinger@reddit

He’s your partner…

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TryAgain024@reddit

Maybe Manbunboy can fuck him in the ass next Wednesday instead.

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Open-Illustra88er@reddit

gif

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Sapdawg1@reddit

Queers and steers… and I don’t see no horns on Smokey.

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Supro1560S@reddit

Ol’ Smokey doesn’t like getting a blowjob from a woman, I guess, because that’s sodomy.

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krakatoa83@reddit

Straight missionary for ole Smokey and Laura.

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krakatoa83@reddit

I’m ass7ming he meant genteel.

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NuckFut@reddit

Fucking fascist

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No-Ratio-3494@reddit

This guys way over the line, mark it zero dude.

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BlankSlate400@reddit

Well I dig your style too, man. Got a whole cowboy thing goin’.

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somereallyfungi@reddit

Nothing straighter than complaining that not enough men wear pearl buttons these days

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Purple-Protagonist@reddit

He likes men with that welder money.

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LaVidaYokel@reddit

I just think it’s sweet that he took the time to notice.

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Spang64@reddit

Hey, he likes a man in Wranglers. And that's cool, man, that's cool.

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HoverboardRampage@reddit

Some kind of an eastern thing...

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Old_Swimming6328@reddit

East Texas

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Bontkers@reddit

Far far far from it!

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ShitfarmPadlock@reddit

Say, friend, you got any more of that good Sarsaparilla?

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Desperate_Ambrose@reddit

In my experience, Jewish folks are usually more circumspect when it comes to such matters.

I assume ol' Smokey is Jewish, given his reference to "the Gentile climes of Austin".

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hornwalker@reddit

I never seen no queen in her damned undies

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Old_Swimming6328@reddit

Made me laugh to beat the band.

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Alternative-Way-8753@reddit

I was talking about my rug...

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UncutYEMs@reddit

What the fuck is with this guy? Who is he?

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NoShortsDon@reddit

Smokey Briggs, the gun and hate enthusiast.

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somereallyfungi@reddit

Sounds exhausting

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zuck_my_butt@reddit

Yeah, a gun and hate enthusiast with a cleft asshole?

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ShredGuru@reddit

Weird western hat wearing humanoid.

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Touch-the-Sky-2274@reddit

Smokey, you are out of your element.

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misterbaseballz@reddit

Smokey needs to mark it zero!

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boulevardofdef@reddit

Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.

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misterbaseballz@reddit

Without batting an eyelash, he'll refer to his "dick," or his "rod," or his "johnson."

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Aprowl@reddit

Eight-year-olds, dude.

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stuffbehindthepool@reddit

“Kinda makes a fellow feel strange when I’m around people who aren’t a carbon copy of me”

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stuffbehindthepool@reddit

I see you sodomize your way into the semis

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Draco_Lazarus24@reddit

Human paraquat

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Largvt@reddit

The "story" is ludicrous

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marbotty@reddit

He’s a goldbricker

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Stalwart_Penguin@reddit

Sodomy? Is that some sort of Eastern thing?

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meltingspace@reddit

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening

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huskerd0@reddit

Mark it 8 dude

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Chezzomaru@reddit

Fun fact: blowjobs are also technically sodomy under the legal code

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jmart608@reddit (OP)

Brandt can't watch though

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AdultishRaktajino@reddit

I’m gonna go find a cash machine.

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clrlmiller@reddit

TIL - Unless you wear a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, wrangler jeans, a knife on a belt and pearl-button shirts...well you're just not a real man and may be a closeted transvestite.

Well, guess I'll take my Baseball cap, Hawaiian shirt, Levis Jeans, Nike sneakers and pocket Leather-man down to the thrift store now... I mean Randy "Macho Man" Savage (peace be upon him) wore spandex and feathers!

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RichardtheGingerBoss@reddit

I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead.

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ShredGuru@reddit

Well that's, just like, your opinion man.

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automaticmantis@reddit

I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead

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BackpackEverything@reddit

gif

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Wirelessness@reddit

The "Pecos Enterprise" is a newspaper published in Pecos, Texas, providing local news coverage for the area; it is considered a primary source for information about the community and surrounding region. Do you see what happens Larry? Do you see what happens when you don’t have access to real news?

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