Do you give presents and cards to family members who dont give them to you for Birthdays and Christmas?

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True-Teacher-8408@reddit

Well, I think for families, either everybody counts and is recognized on their birthday, or nobody, is. But just some people being the receivers, and the other people always being the givers doesn't make sure any sense to me. I'm just stop giving him anything.

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bikky73@reddit

I did until about a month ago, when I turned 50. Still many relatives didn't even buy me a card or message me to say HPBD. While we (me and my S/O) always send cards with pressies for special birthdays and have our own custom photo calendars produced for xmas (as considerable cost to us) to send with cards and sometimes additional pressies.

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Dros-ben-llestri@reddit

I am from a background where you gift "down". You give presents to the younger generations (with some exceptions, like your siblings and parents). As such, I wouldn't give anything to my aunts and uncles, just a card or a text. Cousins might get something for a big birthday. I do give my cousins' children presents. Goes without saying that any gifts I do get I thank them for.

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GamerHumphrey@reddit

Yeah this is it. I've never gifted up other than my parents. We just gift down. Granted, I've spoke to my sister once in the last 4 years and I'm not even sure at this point if she's coming to my wedding. Sucks to know if she ever has kids that I won't be a part of their lives.

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Dros-ben-llestri@reddit

Ah, sorry to hear that mate.

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GamerHumphrey@reddit

It's okay. I handle it the best I can, family is always a sticking point though and I'm realising that more now I'm getting married this year, and seeing who actually cares

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SpudFire@reddit

Same, although it's more of an unwritten rule in my family. My aunt has always sent me a card and present, never sent anything in return; as a kid my mum would have put my name on the card she sent to her sister and I wouldn't be surprised if she still does. Likewise, I know my mum doesn't receive cards or presents from her nephews but still sends them something. I get my niece and nephew presents and I wouldn't expect anything in return when they're grown up.

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WarWonderful593@reddit

We have a pact that no one buys crap they can't afford to give to someone who doesn't want it. A card is fine, but we all agreed years ago to stop buying presents.

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married2008@reddit

An exchange is a transaction. I give cards and gifts to people I like (or to cheer someone up) without expecting anything in return. I think the exchange process (people giving cards to each other) sets up an obligation that isn’t fair. I mean - maybe your nephew would rather not get some generic card off you. Or maybe he loves the handmade cards filled with little mementos of the time you spent with him and his family in the last year that you give him as you go out together for a birthday treat designed just for him because you love the time you spend together. I’m kidding - from your post I can tell you get him a standard Hallmark card with “best wishes from Rainbow Penguin” and I can promise you if you stop he won’t mind.

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Othegfdg@reddit

I stopped getting presents in my early twenties.

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Wholhfgnb@reddit

I've heard of that live in the same city and I've never met them in 30~ years of being on this planet.

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Slothjitzu@reddit

Yeah I think getting annoyed about not receiving gifts/cards from someone is pointless. The only exception IMO is your parents when you're a child, and your partner when you're an adult. If it means that much to you, just stop sending them cards. You've already got a clear signal that they won't care.

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macrowe777@reddit

This is the way.

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FoodExternal@reddit

Yes. I like to think of it as keeping the moral high ground, not to mention more than a little passive aggression 😁

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Forgottencupofcoffee@reddit

I’m a niece and when I got a proper job I felt guilty about receiving, so now I send to my auntie and uncle and now their kids too. So now I send 4 gifts and get one in return. I think I’d have rather them stopped so I didn’t end up in this situation. I spend about £500 in total each Christmas and I can’t afford that

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Rylanorlives@reddit

This post has made me really sad as my aunt died last year and suspiciously the Valentine’s Day card I got every year since I was 15 has also stopped. :/

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intoxicated-cat@reddit

Why make more waste just call them and tell them how you feel whats the point in a card ( my opinion you do you ) I don't want a card I feel really awkward getting a card half the time you don't call me I have to call you but you send me the card yet I'm that one who always starts the conversation then when I stop calling you say we don't talk anymore fuck off with your cards I don't want them or need them it's just clutter I don't need and where do I even put them how long am I ment to keep them....... why, fuck off just call me or message

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GamerHumphrey@reddit

I gift to my mom every birthday, although she only asks for money. I don't think I got anything last year.

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MasterAnything2055@reddit

You’ll get a lot of saints in here saying they don’t give to receive, and those peoples get used their whole lives It’s ok to stop buying gifts. Most people stop around 18. Then you build up an new things. My aunt gets me a lottery ticket every year. Lol. .

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crough94@reddit

Yeah, a lottery ticket or scratch card if you really want to give an adult something more than a card. For kids if they’re close family like nephews/nieces I’d say a present or some money depending how old they are. Extended family a card is fine. Or nowadays a message or Facebook post seems to be the thing.

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serapica@reddit

Yes, because I’m their auntie and that is my function

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AffectionateCouple0@reddit

Sister in law didn’t give me a present a couple of Christmases running. I didn’t receive even a text to say thanks for the present brother in law, so I stopped. Personally as someone in their mid 30’s, I’d happily do away with Christmas and birthday presents altogether.

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lookhereisay@reddit

In our family you stop giving gifts for extended family at 18. So now my aunts and uncles send me a birthday/Christmas card. They do buy a small gift for my toddler son (£10 ish) but it’s not expected at all. I buy for my parents, my sister and her boyfriend and my grandparents (my grandparents tend to get food gifts which they can enjoy for a few months) and my OH and kid. Same with his family but he has no grandparents.

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cgknight1@reddit

For whatever reason in my family once you hit 18 the presents stop. That solves the particular problem you have. >should it not become more of an exchange This sounds like buying stuff with more steps.

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tigerbee919@reddit

It's nice to send to relatives when they are under 18, say. But once they are older I don't think it's an obligation, especially if they aren't making the effort to send to you

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StickySap7@reddit

We made an agreement to not give gifts outside your own immediate family (so I only get my parents + in-laws + wife a present). Some of my uncles & aunts still get me stuff every so often. I don't return the favour, because we all agreed not to!

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GreatScotRace@reddit

Absolutely, I give cards & presents because I want to, not to get them back

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TommyVasec@reddit

Nephew here... although pretty sure I'm not THE nephew... but easily could be. Anyway... I'd stop sending them, I have an aunt who sends them and I know that I'll never return the same. If I stopped getting a card/money/gift I'm also not going to question why Generally speaking I don't know that many people who still send cards.

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Monkeylovesfood@reddit

No not really. I occasionally paint a card and write a letter to some oIder family members. I do big birthdays for most but leave it at that nowadays as I have a fairly large family.

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_Living_deadgirl_@reddit

I used to do but not anymore as they don't even say thankyou never mind sending one back

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KunninLynguist@reddit

Nah, I have a huge family, I've probably only met like 10% of them, there's some I've heard of that live in the same city and I've never met them in 30~ years of being on this planet. My parents get gifts and close friends do.

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sleepyprojectionist@reddit

Other than half brothers and sisters with whom I have had very little contact over the years, I only have my mum left. I stopped getting presents in my early twenties. The cards kept coming for a while despite me telling my mum that a text or a phone call would be better than a generic card from the corner shop 100% of the time. We have now reached an agreement to simply not send cards or gifts to each other. For the most part, my mum didn’t raise me, so we were always terrible at picking gifts for each other. My mum lives in a tiny bungalow and I live a pretty minimalist existence, so neither of us really need “stuff”.

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MiTcH_ArTs@reddit

Guess it depends on if you are giving gifts and cards because you want them to know you are thinking of them or if you are giving cards and gifts with the expectation of it paying off in some manner

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Pheeshfud@reddit

I give people things because I want to, not because I expect something in return. That goes double for the people who I know are struggling financially.

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YchYFi@reddit

No I don't. I don't give things and don't get anything. Mainly because my sister said her family doesn't give cards or presents to others, so I don't do it in return.

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imminentmailing463@reddit

I see cards and gifts as something I do to be nice, not as a transaction. My parents on the other hand are rigidly transactional. They place what seems to me a ridiculous level of importance on who has sent cards/gifts and reciprocating, and who hasn't and therefore who not to reciprocate. I know a lot of my friends' parents are the same but my friends are not, maybe it's generational.

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MyriadMosaicAndGlass@reddit

Always. Even if I’m skint and it’s something small / handmade.

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