What has anyone close to you said that has surprised you with their views on the world?

[-]

DickSpannerPI@reddit

There's this fifteen year old kid I've known all their life - I'm friends with their grandma - who recently came out as non-binary. I'm not pretending to be super enlightened here. I'll hold my hands up, I don't really get it, but what harm does it do for me to say they instead of she? Not much. Anyway, we were sat in the street with a bunch of neighbours, and their grandma who was talking about them. I called her she, genuine slip of the tongue. It's difficult when you've known somebody that long to switch pronouns and never slip up. One of the neighbours said "don't you mean *they*" in the snidest, nastiest tone you could imagine, and all the other neighbours howled with laughter, patting themselves on the back for bullying a child. Bunch of cunts I haven't spoken to beyond grunts of acknowledgement since.

Reply

[-]

TheDettiEskimo@reddit

Identity politics is utter bullshit. I don't prescribe to any of it. They love a fucking gotcha like that. I am a dude..call me he/him because that is how it works. If you called me they or she I literally would not give a fuck. These people are obsessed with labels.

Reply

[-]

Life_Ability3520@reddit

Amen to that. Non-binary doesn't exist, why is this sub pretending it does? Gender is tied to sex. Reddit is unbearable at times. If anyone else asked "What has anyone close to you said that has surprised you with their views on the world?", they'd come out with something normal. But reddit being reddit..they bring up the nonsense of gender identity. No surprises there. Have to shove it into everything.

Reply

[-]

DickSpannerPI@reddit

I mean, you can spin it however you like, but it's never okay to bully a child under any circumstances.

Reply

[-]

TheDettiEskimo@reddit

Totally agree. Jumping on a kid for something that has been normal for 15 years for a slip up. Genuinely or not is ludicrous.

Reply

[-]

Twenty_Weasels@reddit

I’m not convinced you actually read the story. You’re talking about a kid getting bullied for ‘slipping up’? No kid slipped up in this story. An adult slipped up and used the wrong pronouns, and other adults took the opportunity to make a bunch of mean comments about a teenager. And then you chose this comment thread to come in and talk random shit about ‘identity politics’ (as if your reactionary stance doesn’t qualify as identity politics in itself, lol)

Reply

[-]

TheDettiEskimo@reddit

I may have misunderstood yes...but how is a child being bullied in the story above then?

Reply

[-]

Twenty_Weasels@reddit

I agree that technically nobody was bullied in this story, in the strict semantic sense. Hopefully you can agree that a bunch of adults making cruel comments behind a kid’s back is totally fucked up, regardless of what word we use to refer to it.

Reply

[-]

oktimeforplanz@reddit

I dunno mate. I wouldn't be so sure. I suspect if you were trying to get on with your life and everyone around you kept calling you she and by the wrong name, even though you've told them your name and that you're a guy, it'd start to grate on you eventually. If you think it wouldn't, you're delusional and severely lacking in empathy.

Reply

[-]

TheDettiEskimo@reddit

But you are a guy or a girl. You don't actually refer to people by their pronouns in their company very often, if at all. So I would be pretty fine if someone did it.

Reply

[-]

dibblah@reddit

My sister in law went out with a kid (both teens) who's non binary, and the rest of the in laws were absolutely vile about it. I get not getting it, people can't understand everything, but they *chose* not to get it. No matter how much I explained to the family that this kid simply wants to be called "them" and doesn't identify as being male or female, they'd deliberately call them the wrong thing or say vile things about them. I can't see any reason to treat a child like that that's not purely spite. And why would you treat your daughter's date like that?! Mind you, the in laws are like that. First I realised it was when I was talking to my mother in law about me being vegan. She told me that it's impossible to be alive and be vegan, because you might step on an ant. Fair enough, yeah, it's about harm reduction blah blah. No she said, that's not what she meant. She meant that if I was so "ethical" I'd kill myself. That came outta nowhere!

Reply

[-]

360Saturn@reddit

That's exactly what it is. Mocking a kid. It's no different to when a kid starts using a nickname and mocking them for it. How embarrassing for a bunch of adults to want to do that.

Reply

[-]

biscottiapricot@reddit

i use they/them and can tell the difference between a genuine mistake in pronouns and when it's on purpose and everyone else i know who's non-binary and trans can as well so don't worry at all about messing up occasionally.. it's sad to see adults making fun of that kid instead of supporting them :(

Reply

[-]

Ysbrydion@reddit

I'm really sorry to hear that. It can hit like a blow, and it's hard to see them in the same light again. Even if you asked them to explain or whatever, they'd probably go with the "oh but we don't mean you" angle, which is no better. My parents are rampant racists, islamophobes, homophobes and antisemites. Every other group they hate too. They have become bolder over the years and now we are out of contact. At times I miss who they were, or perhaps who I thought they were, but really I know they have always been this way and are now just louder about it. My best friend as a teen was an evangelist who believed disabilities were demonic possession, and punishment for sins. I couldn't really move past that.

Reply

[-]

Beanotown@reddit

How is Glenn Hoddle these days?

Reply

[-]

UglyFilthyDog@reddit

Was your best friend from the middle ages?

Reply

[-]

Bug_Parking@reddit

No, it was a former England team coach.

Reply

[-]

Ysbrydion@reddit

Honestly, probably the same church. I remember when that story broke and it was very familiar. It was also 'sins in past lives' with her, too, but I also think that doesn't sound very Christian - reincarnation isn't a Christian idea (it's outright rejected, isn't it?), it's a Buddhist/Sikh/Hindu/Jain one. So this must have been an odd branch of Christianity.

Reply

[-]

BadgerSame6600@reddit

What your best friend called Hugh? I had a "friend" who invited a bunch of us from school to watch his evangelical rock band play and did a surprise praying break mid set. He first prayed for someone's broken leg to heal and then to pray the gay out of me... (i'm bisexual). Luckily all my other friends had my back and we didn't hang out with him again.

Reply

[-]

Ysbrydion@reddit

Female, so no, but similar vibe. I didn't mind the Christian rock concerts, though I did mind the prayer sesh which was always offensive. She admitted her goal was to eventually convert me, too, which hurt. I thought we'd achieved some odd-couple friendship where she accepted my atheism and I respected her right her beliefs (until I found out how extreme they were), but I guess that's Evangelism for ya - recruitment is kind of the point.

Reply

[-]

oktimeforplanz@reddit

No wonder kids raised in evangelical households sometimes end up supremely fucked up as adults if they manage to get out of evangelism. I have a friend who was raised evangelical and it took her a LONG time to learn how to just be friends with someone. She had never done it outside of the context of being encouraged to convert someone, or the "friends" she had to have by default (that she didn't particularly get on with) because they were kids of a similarish age who were in the same church. It really put into context how we take for granted the ability to just be friends with someone with no ulterior motive.

Reply

[-]

Ysbrydion@reddit

Ever met an Evangelist Christian who wasn't?

Reply

[-]

EntertainmentBroad17@reddit

Friend casually dropped “the moon landings were faked” into a conversation one time. I laughed, then realised they were dead serious. Sorry dude, I’m out - can’t relate to someone with that level of wrong in their head.

Reply

[-]

DazzleLove@reddit

My aunt doesn’t believe in the moon landing- found out fairly recently.

Reply

[-]

slashto@reddit

Does anyone these days?

Reply

[-]

deadeye-ry-ry@reddit

I've worked with someone for almost 10 years and knew them before I started working there but the other day during the Olympics they said " England's doing better since all those immigrants keep coming" but they said it in a really harsh racist tone put me off then ever since as I think that is such a disgusting thing to say

Reply

[-]

slashto@reddit

Curious why that is such a disgusting thing to say?

Reply

[-]

Mavericks7@reddit

Had a friend, who I worked with for many years, she works in the NHS as an HA, surrounded by Nurses and Drs. Worked throughout the pandemic on wards with all the chaos that ensued on the NHS. She's anti Vax.

Reply

[-]

Livid-Somewhere-9859@reddit

My sister constantly says how women wanting to be with women is wrong. I'm a woman who wants to be with a woman 😑 She's also the type to go on and on about only 2 genders.

Reply

[-]

idontlikemondays321@reddit

I will never understand homophobia. LGBT people are the least offensive communities we probably have in society. Never seen a gay man yell in the street that we are all going to hell or a lesbian forbid their children from marrying certain demographics. No hate or control just people wanting to live their lives safely.

Reply

[-]

Rough-Sprinkles2343@reddit

Stop generalising

Reply

[-]

missdolly23@reddit

Yeah, generalisation helps no one. There are AH’s in all communities. Your first line was fine.

Reply

[-]

idontlikemondays321@reddit

I think people know there are AHs in all communities…

Reply

[-]

Illustrious_Study_30@reddit

You're sadly not reflecting the real world. I wish it were true. I was going to scroll down and add a story about a gay couple we knew about 15 years ago. They started abusing some foreign lads (possibly Turkish) round the corner from where we live and we had to step in. We've not spoken to them since. The fact that gay people have themselves been victims of bigotry doesn't stop them being bigots themselves

Reply

[-]

hellsangel101@reddit

I had a close friend/colleague who also worked with my oldest. She knew he was gay, she got on really well with him. During the lockdowns, she started spouting stuff about “men being men”, posting photos of what “real” men used to look like, and how the 80’s and 90’s were better because there was “none of this flamboyant shit”. (I declined to point out Elton John and Freddie Mercury). Then when Suzy Izzard announced her new name, my colleague went on a rampage over FB about it, and going on about how it’s the parents’ fault if their kid is LGBT+ She was swiftly blocked by me. My brother is pan and as I said, my son is openly gay, and I couldn’t stay friends with her.

Reply

[-]

TheNathanNS@reddit

You clearly aren't on Twitter then.

Reply

[-]

imtheorangeycenter@reddit

I struggle to *understand* the >2 genders (plus the trad "trans") concept. _Please Wait_!!!! Blow me away for that initial statement (most won't read to the next half sentence), but my mind is fully open, I'm missing something. What's the best starter article on the subject?

Reply

[-]

BobbieMcFee@reddit

If it helps, I completely fail to understand. And I'm not trying all that hard to do so either, as it's not a big part of my life. I have family friends who had four daughters and now have three and a son. But... I also don't understand quantum mechanics either, despite a degree in physics. But I accept that it exists, regardless of whether I understand it or not. You can accept a thing, respect pronouns, and get on with your day without understanding it.

Reply

[-]

ESLavall@reddit

Your open mind and willingness to learn is very much appreciated! I'm trans nonbinary and, thing is I don't really understand it either. But I'm happy to answer any questions you have about how it feels.

Reply

[-]

biscottiapricot@reddit

https://abcnews.go.com/US/transgender-gender-diverse-people-world/story?id=98017443 ^^ here's a short article that talks about some examples of 'third gender' that might help - feel free to message me as well if you want to ask anything directly and i will try explain the best i can :)

Reply

[-]

unalive-robot@reddit

Just basic sexist shit but then it also doesn't surprise me. One I find the most depressing is when dudes call looking after their own children "babysitting". Nah bro, you're a fucking dad, if you didn't want to "babysit" you shouldn't have become a dad.

Reply

[-]

tandtjm@reddit

Whenever a male friend of mine said to me, “I have to babysit the kids tonight”, I’d always say, “oh really? Whose kids are you babysitting?” Works a charm as they get embarrassed as they realise the word they’re looking for is “parenting” not “babysitting”.

Reply

[-]

doesntevengohere12@reddit

Tbf I know it's not the 'done' thing but both me and my husband say it's your turn to babysit tonight when one of us is going out ...it's not meant in a non-parenting way as both of us are a great parenting team.

Reply

[-]

tandtjm@reddit

Oh yes, I understand that in your dynamic and some other couples’ dynamics. But I knew these men (they were/are colleagues for the most part, senior exec types) and this was not how they meant it - they had a weary, irritated attitude as if they were being imposed upon. One of them was telling me about a massive falling out they’d had with their wife. She had asked him to help more with the house and kids as she was stressed and exhausted. He said, “well tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it”. The only thing she asked him to take on was the ironing of his own work shirts as she hated doing that. He outsourced this to an ironing service. When she found out, she was upset. And he said to her “well, it’s what my time is worth. I earn x amount of money per hour so it makes sense to pay someone else y per hour to iron the shirts”. I had to explain to him why his perfectly lovely and loving wife was so upset with him.

Reply

[-]

oktimeforplanz@reddit

>He said, “well tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it”. This sentence is, by itself, fucking infuriating. Because it proves to her that he just does not think whatsoever about what needs to be done. She has a running list in her head or a calendar or whatever of all the things that need to be done. And he just... doesn't. She sees that laundry needs done, and she does it, or makes a mental note to do it ASAP. He will definitely just put his dirty clothes on top of the full basket and it won't occur to him to take the basket to the washing machine. This comic demonstrates this frustration absolutely perfectly: [https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)

Reply

[-]

anonymouse39993@reddit

To be honest lots of women say to men “are you babysitting” Men don’t get viewed as proper parents a lot of the time sadly

Reply

[-]

sjr0754@reddit

Haven't had it for a while, but I'd always actively correct that, with a "No, I'm parenting.", always got a vaguely mumbled apology from them.

Reply

[-]

Top-Childhood5030@reddit

It ain't just dudes that make that comment. When I'm out with my kids I get that comment off of women more. "Oh, have you been left babysitting the kids again?" No... I'm a dad... And I'm out with my kids...

Reply

[-]

Intruder313@reddit

Climate change denial from a normally smart and inquisitive friend. My opinion of him dropped a huge amount since then and for the following years it’s been clear he’s had to accept he’s dead wrong.

Reply

[-]

50quidEW@reddit

When Facebook changed from funny local drama to everyone sharing their political views it really opened my eyes to how bigoted a lot of people I knew were. Bigotry is a very weird thing, asking them why they thought like that and what about me it's "aww nah I don't mean you" just everyone like me then, sound.

Reply

[-]

blind_disparity@reddit

'People I know personally are individuals not defined by whatever negative perception I have of some group they're part of but all other members of that group are evil non - people' Bigotry requires some real stupidity

Reply

[-]

Honest-Lunch870@reddit

> stupidity What you're describing isn't stupidity, it's cognitive dissonance.

Reply

[-]

blind_disparity@reddit

I think cognitive dissonance would be what they'd experience if you pointed this out to them. It's stupidity that allows them to normally exist without even considering this contradiction.

Reply

[-]

Honest-Lunch870@reddit

Lack of knowledge is ignorance, lack of capacity for knowledge is stupidity. They are ignorant, they might not be stupid!

Reply

[-]

blind_disparity@reddit

Being fed false information can feed racism, but the underlying contradiction of thinking of a group of people as being defined by some shared attribute, instead of a collection of individuals, is stupidity. For some, a lack of capacity to think, but for many, just never choosing to actually think through their beliefs.

Reply

[-]

NorthernSoul1977@reddit

Sorry, but what did they say?

Reply

[-]

YchYFi@reddit (OP)

Not going to repeat it as it was such an archaic thing that people used to think about gay people in the 80s.

Reply

[-]

NorthernSoul1977@reddit

Maybe you should have just educated him? Ignorance can be corrected and isn't always malicious

Reply

[-]

YchYFi@reddit (OP)

I've known this person a long time to know that they wouldn't take kindly to being educated about it tbh.

Reply

[-]

Miserablist@reddit

Probably called OP a pricktease

Reply

[-]

furrycroissant@reddit

Or greedy, I've heard that a lot.

Reply

[-]

Obvious_Flamingo3@reddit

Yes, I am curious. No pressure though OP

Reply

[-]

numbskullwizard@reddit

My friend once revealed he was a petty reddit blocker. Like he would start threads on reddit, and if anyone made a response he didn't like, no matter how simple and innocent, he would just block them.

Reply

[-]

mrs_shrew@reddit

Old bloke I used to work with. Massive racist, sexist, homophobe yet he fully supported trans rights. He said if publicly switching genders meant they were happy, knowing they'd get beaten up or murdered, yet it still was preferable to living in their original gender then fair play to them and they deserve support.

Reply

[-]

furrycroissant@reddit

A friend told me that she and her husband smack their kids. It really upset me, I get on with her really well, they're selfless and kind and supportive. I considered her part of my childcare village until she told me that. No one who believes smacking is OK will be left with my children.

Reply

[-]

BadgerSame6600@reddit

I think you should raise this with someone just to get a welfare check on their children and maybe give the parents someone to talk to. I know that's so hard given you work together but potentially important for those kids.

Reply

[-]

furrycroissant@reddit

On what grounds? Smacking is legal in England, I've spent time with the kids and they do not set off my safeguarding senses. No marks, no neglect, no emotional wariness.

Reply

[-]

DisconcertedLiberal@reddit

You literally said it upsets you that they smack their kids...

Reply

[-]

furrycroissant@reddit

I know that, but legally, parents are allowed to smack their children as a form of discipline. Just because I find it unacceptable and wouldn't smack my own, doesn't mean it meets safeguarding thresholds.

Reply

[-]

BadgerSame6600@reddit

It's not a hard and fast rule with smacking. Also, my dad was beating me horrendously in the 90s and he justified it with this sentence "It's perfectly normal to chastise a child." He probably also told friends he smacked me, but that was not the whole truth. In any case, physically hurting a child shows so much disrespect for them as autonomous beings and also shows a lot of immaturity on behalf of the parents. Personally I would absolutely raise my concerns with any friends who disclosed they smacked their children and if they doubled down on it I would keep an extremely close eye and report if I had the shadow of a doubt.

Reply

[-]

DisconcertedLiberal@reddit

Id report straight away, it's assaulting a vulnerable person, straight up abuse no more no less.

Reply

[-]

SamVimesBootTheory@reddit

Once at an old job i was on shift with someone who just started and we were getting on ok then he casually dropped the F slur Also once at a barber I used to go to the main barber made a homophobic comment

Reply

[-]

Nyx_Necrodragon101@reddit

Yep depending on what it is I either just deal with it and move on or cut them out like the cancer they are.

Reply

[-]

RagingMassif@reddit

My sister claimed Scousers aren't a collective bunch of thieves. Because she's married to one (who isn't a Scouser but his parents are near Liverpool. They live in East Anglia but she seems to have adopted Liverpool as her spirit home Whereas I live very near Liverpool and the amount of petty crime and scallie behaviour is fucking obnoxious.

Reply

[-]

Rowanx3@reddit

My middle age mate from the pub said men should be allowed to keep a baby that a woman wants to abort. I get itd be devastating if you want kids that you wouldn’t get one, but itd be inhumane to make a woman carry a baby for 9 months with all the physical and mental complications that that woman would go through.

Reply

[-]

BobbieMcFee@reddit

There's a lot of unfairness built into the system... Women can choose to abort without the man's input. Men don't get that choice. But the biology is inherently unfair...!

Reply

[-]

DvL1983@reddit

Anyone I deemed to be level-headed and logical yet they believe in a sky wizard.

Reply

[-]

RoohsMama@reddit

Not locally from UK, but I recall I had a church friend and she told me not to marry a dude because dark skinned people are descended from Ham. Up to this point I had a great deal of respect for her

Reply

[-]

BobbieMcFee@reddit

Brown people taste like bacon? Sign me up! (Yes, I know it's a character in the bible)

Reply

[-]

Crab-Turbulent@reddit

Biggest let down in my case was when someone close to me came out as a Tate supporter/fan. Then lied and said he doesn’t support/like him anymore when he still does (I had a feeling anyway)

Reply

[-]

ddmf@reddit

Similar feeling when my mate professed to liking Peterson.

Reply

[-]

LordGinge22@reddit

I like Peterson. You can like someone's body of work without having to believe and follow in their own personal beliefs.

Reply

[-]

ddmf@reddit

Yeah absolutely, and you can also believe that someone's views and personal beliefs can seriously jade and dimish their body of work. Thing is, a lot of people use his specialty to further push his other views as more palatable and authoritative - and that's where the lines are blurred.

Reply

[-]

nicdic89@reddit

Someone I had been friends with for a long time shocked me with something he said and I haven’t spoken to him since. He’s gay and was telling me about this new person he had met. He told me “ah the only thing he is asexual but I really like him and want a physical relationship” I was taken aback and explained that maybe this is a relationship he should cut short as that wouldn’t be fair on either of them. Roll on a couple weeks, he’s so full of glee to tell me that he’s “persuaded” the asexual person to sleep with him. So I said “what do you mean, persuaded?” “Well you know what it’s like after a few drinks I just kept hounding until he couldn’t say no, I knew he’d cave eventually cos I’m just that good” I hate how that made me feel, he pushed someone into sex and was so delighted about it, like it was some kind of conquest that we should be proud of him for. Eurg, out of my life for good

Reply

[-]

Top-Resolution280@reddit

What did they say?

Reply

[-]

bananabastard@reddit

My friend once said something awful once.

Reply

[-]

Aid_Le_Sultan@reddit

Don’t tell us though, you’ll ruin the surprise.

Reply

[-]

Lazy-Mammoth-9470@reddit

Spent many years studying ohyaics with a friend. Then many years doing drugs and becoming almost brothers with our bond and closeness. Then didn't see each other for about 10 years and finally decided to speak again. He turned in to a fully fledged flat earlier and anti vaxer with all sorts of baffling unscientific theories. Then when I challenged his data and theories (which is what we were tought to do) then he went off on one and started actually being really hostile and defensive and offensive. Lost a friend due to some silly ideology that he couldn't even explain properly. Wasn't open to scientific discussion etc... and just berated me if I challenged it. I'm glad I lost that friend honestly. What a whacko.

Reply

[-]

Lunaspoona@reddit

After 12 years of friendship found out my close friend believes in aliens. As in really, believes in it, thinks we live in some sort of Matrix set up and reads/watches stuff about it all the time. I never knew! Made for a very interesting conversation that I wish I'd been high for!

Reply

[-]

arduousmarch@reddit

Tbf, there's more chance of us living in a simulation than not.

Reply

[-]

bananabastard@reddit

Why not tell us?

Reply

[-]

Hesher22@reddit

My Gran once declared that LGBT+ people don’t exist because when she was younger she didn’t know any and it’s all made up. I tried, like really fucking tried to engage with her and try to explain that, yes they did exist! But they couldn’t be open about who they were or who they loved etc because they had a very real chance of arrest, ostracism and worse. She just refused to engage, “I was alive then and you weren’t, you don’t know”, all that bollocks. Whatever, enjoy your one phone call a month from me.

Reply

[-]

hadawayandshite@reddit

One from me, a friend was talking about her belief in angels and guardian angels etc (and I as a British atheist just think this is crazy), I then mentioned something about God and she pulled a face and said ‘I don’t believe in God, that’s not real…Angels are though’ I think I broke a colleague’s brain when I said I didn’t believe in ‘the soul’ like I don’t think ‘souls’ are a thing (she doesn’t believe in God or the afterlife or anything but the idea we don’t have a soul was baffling to her)

Reply

[-]

Flaramon@reddit

There's a guy on a podcast who believed that Wind Turbines helped with global warming: by acting like giant fans. I can't stop thinking about it.

Reply

[-]

Low_Ad_5255@reddit

My best friend who I've known for years, on my stag night told me he doesn't believe in in evolution, told me the earth is flat and he "converted" to Judaism. He's Honduran. His son once asked me how light from the sun reaches earth it space is black. I started to draw on the chalk board in the kitchen and glanced up and my friend was staring at me... our eyes met and he shook his head, I put the chalk down and my friend said to his son "go read your book". I wish I'd asked to see this book but I didn't want to push things.

Reply

[-]

imtheorangeycenter@reddit

Two weeks ago, my 51yo mate said: "Eh? Scientology isn't the same as the Freemasons? Tom Cruise doesn't worship people who can carve things out of stone?" It started bad, the got worse when we figured out that she thought freemasons = stonemasons. She accepted the reality, but spent the rest of the evening kinda quiet realising how much of her life she'd thought that was the case (her words). Bless.

Reply

[-]

truepip66@reddit

Showing their true colours,I try to distance myself from people with narrow views

Reply

[-]

AutoModerator@reddit

**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Reply

Reply to Post

98 Comments