I moved to Italy 9 months ago and I’m not enjoying it.
Posted by Ahpari@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 223 comments
I'm a 29 year old American woman with dual citizenship in Italy. I have a decent job with a university in Italy and I work remotely and make 45k euros (I'm mentioning salary because I think this is important to consider in quality of life). I don't have a super high salary but feel it's doable. I live in Florence and I'm doing this solo.
It was always a dream of mine to live in Italy (my dad is from here and I have lots of family here but they live in rural Italy).
At first, it was pretty exciting but now I'm just bored. I find it hard to make friends and sometimes feel that Italians here are closed off to foreigners. I'm a dancer and while there are dance classes, find it difficult to find places to belong to or join where we can work on pieces to perform.
I'm enrolled in a language class and my Italian has improved enough for me to have conversations and navigate the many municipal offices.
I think I really lack community here and I feel there is less opportunity for me to dance, to find another job, etc. I've belonged to three different gyms during my time here as I love to work out but even there I haven't made any friends.
I've considered moving to a different city because my job doesn't require me to be in a specific place but I think I will encounter the same issues/concerns.
I wasn't super patriotic or appreciate of my country (USA) but I feel like I miss it a lot and I miss the opportunity and somewhat quality of life.
I don't want to give up on Italy yet because it's been so short and this was a dream almost 10 years in the making. Can anyone give me some advice or perspective? I really appreciate it.
Jumpy-Lie2929@reddit
Have you tried connecting with military members? I was stationed at Aviano for 5 years. I lived on the economy and met some really wonderful Italian friends. I would go out to new places with them and bring my American friends along with us, military and civilian.
Independent-Gur9951@reddit
Fiorentine people are by italian standard arrrogant and unfriendly, you might want to consider another city.
cdoylee@reddit
Find an expat community
Noosaville-24@reddit
Genoa has a renowned dance school Naimma.
Sorry_Canary1448@reddit
Florence is amazing but you really only meet people through other people. Mediterraneans aren't good multitaskers. But they are really wonderful people. The vibe of Florence may not be for you. Rome may be better?
Professional_Crow863@reddit
Move further north near the lakes ‘
Professional_Crow863@reddit
I have lived in Boston 28 yrs old San Antonio, NJ, Salem and more and I am planning on moving to Italy in 3 years … you will settle in and in the US it is the same thing it is hard to break into a new area and find connections … maybe you will marry into a large Italian family and have 3 kids and meet moms ! Just an example ! Give it a year or two … you are not missing much in the US it will always be here :)
im-here-for-tacos@reddit
FWIW, it took me three years to make actual friends in San Diego (USA) and that was even without any language barriers. Adulting is hard no matter where you are.
Are there places in Italy where there's more community built around dancing? Since your job is remote, can't you try it out in one of those places for a month at a time to get a sense of the vibes?
To be honest, this is one of the biggest concerns I have about having a remote job in a new-to-me place, which will be my situation when I move to Poland in a few months. Ideally I'd like to have the option to go to a co-working space and join in on activities and networking opportunities there. Have you tried seeing if there are such options available in Florence?
Stock_Tonight_3824@reddit
This made my Italian husband and I chuckle. News flash Italians don’t dance!! Like zero! The music there sucks. People are too judgmental and scared of being judged so they just don’t dance or clap or shout (like at a concert). Doing so is viewed as attention seeking. It’s really sad and pathetic but it’s the culture unfortunately. Take a trip to Cadiz Spain. You will never stop dancing. You will ALWAYS see someone dancing or singing. It IS their culture. I’m Spainish. It’s a party 24/7. Go visit and dance your heart out. Or move there. They are happier and nicer there too. We’re moving to Italy soon and I’m NOT looking forward to it. I can’t stand the judgmental culture.
jaysrapsleafs@reddit
for real. also don't write off the whole country based on your living experience in one place. like, there's no way in hell i'd live in a red state, for example.
brass427427@reddit
So what you are recommending her to do is exactly the thing you would never do?
jaysrapsleafs@reddit
What? Just move within the country there, Einstein
brass427427@reddit
So you'd happily move to another red state if you already lived in a red state, which, judging from your response, you don't?
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I get this. I definitely don’t want to write it off. I could always move back to the US in a flash but I’m trying to avoid my impulsivity and give this a real shot.
PB_livin_VP@reddit
My wife and I have traveled all over Italy extensively and I would say the people of Florence were some of the most closed off. I would say Genoa and Liguria in general was a super friendly place and people. Turin was kind of weird but friendly, and Trento was awesome but I think it's better for families than individuals.
I've also heard great things about bologna, but I haven't spent much time there. Good luck and give it some time. Be kind to yourself about your second thoughts. It'll work out.
Techters@reddit
I've never visited Genoa but a group in their 20s-40s from there decided to move to Denver and open an Italian restaurant with their family's restaurant menu and recipes. They were all really great people and probably the best Italian food in Denver. Have it on my list to visit the 'original' one day.
Only-Month2559@reddit
where in Denver is this!!
Techters@reddit
It's called Lo Stella in Golden Triangle!
Wrong_Letterhead1985@reddit
I'm from Genova but haven't lived there in a really, really long time - so I don't think I can give advice on moving there now. And I'm an expat no longer living in Italy. But I did want to say that, when I visit my home country (often), I find Genova to still be the friendliest major city (I get around but am most familiar with people and culture in Rome, and then in small town central Italy where half my family is from). It's a major city with lots of diversity, but it's not been taken over by tourists yet *knock on wood*, so I would think a place like that might be a good city to think about. And, having spent time in Northern cities, I think Genova is much more friendly than places like Milano and Firenze--I always feel like people are much more down to Earth there. I know I'm from there, so of course there's a familiarity component to it for me, but my partner, whom I've taken with me on my travels and who is not Italian, agrees with me, for whatever it's worth. I also unfortunately don't have many connections in Genova anymore because I've been gone so long -- but I still love the vibe of my home city.
Generally, though, this struggle is so real. I agree with what others have said - making friends in adulthood is so difficult no matter where you are, and your problems follow you wherever you go. I like the advice someone else on here gave - think about what it is that you do/ don't like about Firenze, and then I would recommend trying to spend your free time visiting some places of interest a little more extensively, so that you can get more of a feel for what people there are like. Are there dance events you can go to on weekends, perhaps, where you can get a feel for what the dance community of the city is like? You don't want to stress yourself out moving repeatedly, but I think you should do some exploring and be open to moving if you find a place where the "vibe" feels like it suits you more. FWIW, that's how we landed in Genova - my mom, also an immigrant, didn't love where she was, went to visit other cities repeatedly, and fell in love with Genova in the process. Good luck, and great for you for being thoughtful about giving things time. I've moved a lot, and moving really is so difficult on a practical and emotional level--every time. Hang in there! I hope you find a spot that feels like it checks enough boxes to feel like a fit. :)
jaysrapsleafs@reddit
then change it up. Like I was living in the greater LA area - just moving neighborhoods within LA made me happier.
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
This is my sign to move lol. But yes, moving is an option and I should definitely visit around to see what feels like more my vibe. Thank you
sidthekid4@reddit
Maybe check out Bologna. I lived there during graduate school and found there were so many opportunities to feel part of the community if you put yourself out there (and knowing Italian definitely helps!)
Fucktastickfantastic@reddit
I visited a friend in Bologna and found it had a very bohemian, artiste feel. My friend's friends were all really open to getting to know me and talk to me despite me not knowing a lick of Italian.
Definitely seemed like it would be easy to make friends there
subwaymeltlover@reddit
Remember the dream you had about moving to Italy? That lovely daydream? Ask yourself. Do you have the same dream about moving home?
im-here-for-tacos@reddit
And to add to that, why was the US not able to fulfill those dreams when OP moved 9 months ago?
One thing I'm doing before leaving the US is writing down my current thoughts and discontents with my life in both Mexico and in the US (I split time between the two), so that when tough times hit in Poland, I can just pull this out and remind myself what motivated me to go abroad.
buckinsand@reddit
I think you may have hit upon a service need / business idea - providing leadership or facilitation for structured programs that address the needs of those working remotely ...via a co-working space.
Maru3792648@reddit
I’ve been in the USA for 11 years and still no solid friendships
stillmeh@reddit
Looking at your history, it looks like you have been all over the place and not stayed in the same place in the US. It's hard to maintain any relationship if you are constantly on the move.
With your activity on reddit and the opinions you have, I can only imagine how abrasive you might come off when meeting someone new the first time. Talking about politics and money as a conversation starter is horribly taboo in the states.
Depending on the area you are currently in, try looking into a hobby that's popular in that area and it might open up a few doors you normally wouldn't have.
I work with a lot of immigrants for work and the ones I see that are successful in establishing new relationships in the states are those that open themselves up to try new things instead of harping about how much they miss or what they hate about this country.
Good luck, it looks like you've had quite an experience with the countries you have lived in. Food is always a good connector here in the states!
Natural_Jello_6050@reddit
I’ve been in USA for 40 years and have 1 good friend I can count on. Bunch of buddies though.
Regular_Seat6801@reddit
when we are old everybody has less friends. One good friend is better than 10 so called friends but actually using others for their benefits
catecholaminergic@reddit
tf? What are you trying? Are you in like Nebraska?
goldilockszone55@reddit
I have been in the US for 10 years and thought i had solid friendships… but no roof so i left
Anjuscha@reddit
Yeah been here for 8y and I just recently started making really good friendships after I moved to a new city 4y ago
Scared_Bluebird@reddit
I would love to live in Firenze myself, I was a student there (a long time ago) and have visited many times since. My feeling about Firenze is they have had to be closed off in order to not invest into a person who will not be there in 2 years or 1 year or 2 weeks. So my advice is to volunteer, pitch in selflessly, with love and devotion to a cause or a need in Firenze, without a need for recognition or gain. Secondly, host ex-pat events. thirdly take a class that a local (or expat) would take and show up consistently. That’s all I got, except my prayers for you for finding friends in firenze.
ProtectionSalty8386@reddit
Some of the struggles you describe are typical of relocation to another community regardless of whether it's in Italy or the US. Is there an agency that recruits volunteers related to dance festivals, theatre work, etc.? Some great connections can be made when you are "working" alongside others with similar commitments/interests.
NemuriNezumi@reddit
Moved to italy a year ago and I still hate it and can't wait to graduate and move out (i'm in the south)
People romanticize the country way too much, the reality of living there is wayyy different
Even if you know the language, so it isn't even a language barrier
ahigherexistence@reddit
This is your time to think about these things! You are alone for the first time in your life, maybe, well probably not, but you can definitely use that time. Have you thought that maybe the problem is within? Have you asked yourself what brought you to Italy? And have you ever REALLY answered yourself? The real answer to that question is exactly synonymous with your deepest intentions. Have you tried to answer that before? And have you really an answer?
You need an answer to that question. You need an answer to who you are (now). You need an answer to who you really truly want to become (different than who you are).
Also, who are you in the perspective of everyone else? You may not know, most of the time, what’s going on in other people’s heads, but the good news is that you can actually choose who you are in that split second you meet someone and choose to invite a conversation.
Maybe you need to find out who you are. And what your real purpose in life is. And how you are going to turn resentment and experience into something valuable for others.
People want to hear about others’ struggles - and the engagement is much higher when there is a solution to it afterwards. Write down every single reason you came to Italy and then document yourself thinking about what is the most obvious one.
Maybe turn that experience into art of some kind, or crafts, or even make and engineer something that will alleviate your pain and then share it with others by selling it to them to buy for money that they get from providing value to others as well.
Is this a good answer? I don’t know. I’m also 29 and I’m potentially moving to South America in a few weeks to live for possibly the next year. I want to spend my time in the sun, and I don’t want to spend another half a year plus where the sun goes down at about the middle of the afternoon. Or like the beginning. I want to go to a southern climate with a summer sunset and 85° maxes this year, so I’m going to do it.
VilniusHarriers@reddit
45k is a big salary in Europe! You can live it up!
Have you met the local Hash House Harriers there yet?!
Other_Daikon5330@reddit
9 months is not that much; courage and good luck; if living in Italy was your dream stay put
makingprettystuff@reddit
My aunt and uncle lived in Italy for 4 years. Took a couple years to really sink into their community, but by the time they left, the whole town turned out for a Mass specifically to say goodbye to them. It takes longer to make friends in other countries, but once you do, they’re true friends.
gumercindo1959@reddit
What kind of dance do you do? What about immersing yourself in that dance community in your area?
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
I do ballet, modern and contemporary. There are dance classes for sure but looking for more of dance collective situations. It may take time. It took me a while to break into it in my home country so I should be more patient
Icy-String-593@reddit
It’s a different kind of dance, but try salsa and bachata. There is a community in every major city in the world and it’s a great way to meet people. You will get sucked into the social scene pretty quickly and then there are festivals all over the place. Now I start international trips by doing a bachata festival to meet new people. There are a couple Italian bachata influencers, not sure where they’re located, but I’m almost certain Firenze will have bachata nights. You can take classes at a studio, but most of the time a bar will have a bachata night and they will bring in an instructor to teach before social dancing starts. There are usually Facebook or Instagram pages listing which bars have bachata dancing on what nights. Just do a little digging if it interests you. Good luck!
eyeofcatz@reddit
I would suggest trying partner dancing if you are open to it. Your skills will translate well and it’s a social dance, so you meet people and have opportunities to chat a lot more than solo dance classes.
I know the Tango is excellent in Italy and ballroom is popular worldwide. Doing social dances has made my life connected while I travel cause everyone can help put you in touch with local organizers once you get into it.
Feel free to DM me if you have any specific questions. I came from ballet and then went into partner dancing professionally :)
PlumCrumble_@reddit
Check out Kacierose_ on instagram. She moved from the US to Florence and was also a professional dancer in her previous life - she's trying to connect with dance communities in Florence and may be able to offer you some guidance.
gumercindo1959@reddit
Hang in there. I am an avid Latin dancer and know how welcoming/supportive a dance community can be - regardless of nationality.
Personal_Berry_6242@reddit
It's always taken me a year or two to build up good friendships when I've relocated in the past. I don't love where I love either, hang in there.
skeeter04@reddit
See if you can find an Expat group that has weekly outings start hanging around with them even if you don’t always like where they go or what they do
No_Atmosphere_3702@reddit
Or better a language group, where you meet up in a place once a week and can practice your Italian and Italians can practice their English. You can ask in the expat group, someone usually knows about it.
skeeter04@reddit
excellent suggestion and a different crowd of people.
No_Atmosphere_3702@reddit
Idk if they exist in Italy though. When I moved to Belgium I found one the same day since one of my colleagues was going there lol
South-Beautiful-5135@reddit
If you want to connect to other non-Italians, why move to Italy, though?
Pretend-Equal-8763@reddit
It is a common sense question, hence it was downvoted to oblivion.
South-Beautiful-5135@reddit
Yeah I know. Let them live in their bubble and whine on reddit.
proof_required@reddit
No one intentionally wants to do this. It's just locals aren't that easy to befriend.
utopista114@reddit
Locals are VERY easy to befriend, if they want you. Like everywhere else. Western women don't migrate to Thailand. The men do. In Europe you can spot an American woman from the previous tram stop.
South-Beautiful-5135@reddit
And why would that be?
emsuperstar@reddit
What
South-Beautiful-5135@reddit
Well, explain why it should be easier to connect to other expats (not necessarily US Americans) than locals if you speak the local language.
Zestyclose-Jeweler85@reddit
It’s easier to connect with other expats because they can relate to the poster’s situation and are likely dealing with similar issues.
Other expats, especially recent ones, are also looking to create a community, something most locals have already developed.
Also a note, Internations is open to everyone, locals and expats. I’d imagine other groups are similar.
Mooway@reddit
She said it’s always been a dream for her to move to Italy.
South-Beautiful-5135@reddit
But not to meet other expats.
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
I’m not looking for non-Italians. I’m open to anyone but yes, that group focuses on foreigners.
guiscard@reddit
I lived in Florence for 20+ years. It just takes meeting one right person and it's pretty easy to get into Florentine social groups. Try shared housing, charity events, cultural organizations. Or just go hang out in Santo Spirito on Thursday nights.
kelement@reddit
OP, check out the "Foreigners in Florence" Facebook group.
moderately-extreme@reddit
Joining expat groups is great but then many stay exclusively in the expat bubble, never find incentive to speak the language and socialise with locals. Happened to me before
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
Ah yes, I’ve joined this group a few months ago. It is a good resource
akie@reddit
Check out Internations as well https://www.internations.org/florence-expats
and just go to their events
ledledripstick@reddit
This is exactly what I was thinking. Perhaps even more specific "Americans in Italy" Facebook group or "Americans in Firenze" Facebook group. Also it helps to have sort of a routine - find an espresso bar that resonates with you and go there every day - eventually people will come to see you as a regular and chat with you. Since there are so many tourists in Firenze you won't make friends until locals see that you are staying. 9 months is too short for anyone to "invest" in you - they are used to people coming and going. As a New Yorker we were mostly like that and Amsterdam is definitely that way - Dutch people are completely used to everyone hating on their food, hating on their language - living there for a year or two and then going home or moving to Spain for better weather. Hey is Paperback Exchange bookstore still around in Firenze? Maybe there is some info around for an English speaking coffee group or book club or something...That place was a lifesaver for me when I lived in Italy. I lived in Puglia many years ago and would travel to Firenze to get my fix of different culinary spices and books...
cachuflet4@reddit
I lived in italy for a year in the same situation as you (argentinian) and made friends in just a couple of months. first of all learn italian. B1/B2 ideally. you won't connect as well with just english you need to prove that you want to belong and language is where it all starts. there are dancing classes I went to salsa and just chatted with people, some invitrd me to hang out after they noticed I was alone! grsnted the south is more friendly than where you are but still.. like another redditor said be bold, if you are taking classes bring something sweet made by yourself to share with the class.. or find any other hobby for example cooking classes or whatever sounds right to you
bassluvr222@reddit
I’ve never been to Florence but I’ve heard it’s a tiny town that the whole thing can be seen in a day. That, to me, sounds like not enough to do for a young person. I think you should maybe find a more popping urban area. You’d find more community and activities and job opportunities
dharmabird67@reddit
Probably better to go to Milan or some other business/industrial hub with more going on. I lived in Venice(the actual centro storico) back in the 90s, like OP it was a lifelong dream but reality was different. It was incredibly beautiful with works of art around every corner and as a non-driver it was very convenient, but ultimately it is a tiny tourist center with little else happening there. I spoke pretty fluent Italian and was learning local dialect but still found it hard to make real friends.
Fluid_Sherbert_6711@reddit
Europeans in rural areas don't make friends based on interests. They hang out with the same crowd their entire lives and literally scoff at others. At most you'll be an acquantance. Count yourself lucky that you are a woman and someone might want to date you which means someone might actually strike up a conversation with you. I've lived in Switzerland 15 years and can count the amount of friends I have on the empty air in front of my face and I don't even have a language barrier.
Here's an anecdote I have for you, which blew my mind: I found a local basketball meetup and messaged to number. I got a delayed response lazily telling me when they played, and I could ask to join the Whatsapp group "if they took a liking to me". This is why we can't have nice things.
ulumulu23@reddit
Well Italy is an emigration country in Europe. Europeans themselves don’t really move there. It’s pretty place holidays but young people have been leaving forever and the population is shrinking.
I would give another country try, also likely to be better paid. Just stick to the places Europeans move to..
Kunjunk@reddit
Is 45k a low salary in Italy?
1emonsqueezy@reddit
Yeah people barely get by on it /s
kammysmb@reddit
Moving anywhere has this issue especially when it comes to friends, it's very difficult to change your social circle later in life mostly anywhere you go
Best thing to do is find others that are interested in the same things as you, it's how I've met friends in Spain myself when I came here from Mexico, but it just takes time as most locals anywhere you go will have grown up in the general area and have friends and family that are already established
treasurehuntera@reddit
It took me years to feel settled and find my friend group. It’s all part of it, excitement, homesickness, loneliness, boredom and then finally happiness. That’s my experience. It’s all in the people you connect with. My advice is try to focus on meeting people and if you are truly really to leave then do what’s best for you. People are often suprised on how hard moving away truly is but with it can come amazing growth, experience and sense of self. It’s hard but rewarding
Attention_WhoreH3@reddit
Maybe it's a Florence thing. It's full of expats, especially Americans. You are not a novelty, and people will assume you are just passing through
1ATRdollar@reddit
You might have to start something yourself. How about initiating a meetup group or something similar? How about suggesting people get a snack or drink after dancing?
quasitaliano@reddit
American living in Umbria for about 2.5 years now.
It's hard to make Italian friends in Italy. I'm generalizing here, but they tend to be pretty cliquish and stick to their groups. There are of course exceptions. I do miss the US a lot, as I've realized you can't replace deep roots and friendships in a short period.
The language goes a long way. I do have some questions:
Are you traveling around a lot or staying put? My first year (and to an extent, still) I was always on the go, being away from my home about half the time, which made it hard to establish real friendships. So I can complain that Italian groups are hard to break into, but it was also my fault for being gone a lot.
Are you only seeking out Italian friends? For my first year and a half or so, I sought out other Italians mostly because I wanted to learn the language, culture, and immerse. But now, I appreciate and understand why many expats look for expat groups. Sharing mother tongue with someone just opens up so many opportunities for jokes, chemistry, and self expression. In Florence, you're in the mecca for expats in Italy, so this should be easy.
In short, I think your satisfaction depends on your goals. I would say give it at least a year and a half for a better assessment, but of course everyone's experience is different.
DifferentJaguar@reddit
Did you spend any time in Italy before moving there?
Adept_Order_4323@reddit
Would Rome be more exciting and offer more opportunities?
Apotropaic-Pineapple@reddit
I can totally relate to what you're saying.
I just finished 2 years in Northern Italy, working at a university.
I made zero local friends. My only three friends included one American and two Chinese. Whenever I tried to reach out to Italians (bilingual), I was either ghosted or just not received. I spent my two years pretty much alone.
I initially studied Italian, but when it became apparent that the society had no particular appreciation for foreigners, I just dropped it altogether and decided I'd leave once my contract concluded.
My former university was trying to be international, but most of their administrative staff (student-facing) don't speak English and all the paperwork is in Italian.
Italy, in my experience, is mostly insular and even xenophobic. Most locals don't want to be friends with non-Italians. The vibe is entirely different: we don't understand their culture or upbringing, and even if you speak Italian, you'll not really follow along with the sarcasm and references. It makes for awkward socializing. It isn't enjoyable for most Italians, like attending a work meeting (unless your friend is actually interested in getting to know the outside world).
On top of that, Anglophones are often seen as serial complainers in Italy. It is a big cultural difference. Even in professional contexts, you'll here stranieri thrown around, as if all the foreigners are the same.
I don't think it'll get better with better Italian. I left because of this, even though I had thought I could make an academic career in Italy.
Vast-Top-4064@reddit
I could have written this myself. I had an identical experience in a university in the north. Italians are so full of themselves and their culture that you'll likely be ignored or treated like a second-class citizen. Unless your OH has local connections, it is impossible to make serious friendships. If you are set to stay in Italy long term try to find an Italian boyfriend. Things are not likely to improve otherwise. I left Italy when I started to realise that my chances of getting a GF in Italy were virtually nill. Such an overrated country!
Apotropaic-Pineapple@reddit
Proud culture but it is in rapid decline. The brains of the country tend to leave.
madjuks@reddit
have you tried Meetup or Bumble BFF? Both are good apps to meet new people/friends.
No_Eggplant_9972@reddit
Seconding this. I've had such good luck with Bumble BFF while living abroad. Also the facebook group "Girl Gone International". I already looked it up and there's a chapter in Florence.
nacirema1@reddit
I experienced this in a Copenhagen, there were sooo many Facebook groups that were available to me to find friends!
Tomsb02@reddit
Habibi come to Argentina. Buenos Aires or Cordoba city. (Even lower cost of living with more access to rivers and hills)
Tomsb02@reddit
We speak Spanish but ethnically mostly southern European.
opiunn17@reddit
Is the area you’re in dog friendly? If you like animals especially dogs, I would recommend adopting a dog (if you can afford it and can take on the responsibility)
I moved abroad almost a year ago, and I take my dog outside to dog parks or just randomly and that’s how I met a few people.
brownsugarlucy@reddit
I’m not in Italy, but I’m in Spain and I made some really good friends on bumble bff. Other expats that are also looking to make friends and a couple Spaniards. Try there.
Techters@reddit
I've moved around a lot because of my job and seems like I've always made friends around activities. Sounds like dancing isn't the thing that works and I've tried to join interest groups and just didn't click so maybe try some alternatives. Sounds similar to Spain, the people who grew up there have 50 friends from school, cousins, etc with family obligations and events, they aren't really going to have open random time to meet strangers (also happened to me when I was married, between our two social circles we weren't meeting anyone new).
sarpol@reddit
The concept of "friendship", and how you make and deal with friends, differs from country to country. If you're a social person, that can be hard to cope with.
iolyH@reddit
You should get in contact with Kacie Rose( you can find her on Tik Tok). She is also a dancer living in Florence.
nizzok@reddit
As an Italian citizen, you could practically move anywhere you can afford to live in Europe...
Morgentau7@reddit
Often depends on how used those countries are to foreigners to enter their circles. Maybe move to Germany, the country is way more international
AardvarkArmadillo@reddit
I’m Australian but have lived in Florence and Rome. You have to remember Florence is actually a tiny city and if you’re like me from a city with 6 million people it’s going to be comparatively dull at times. The people are fewer, more insular, and especially in Florence, really resistant to Americans.
On the other hand, I cannot recommend Rome enough! It’s much bigger, much more warm and welcoming.
Regardless of city, the biggest change you can make is engaging yourself in local culture by frequenting the same bar daily or weekly. In Rome I knew numerous foreigners who are all considered really local and really integrated simply because they spend the afternoons/evenings every day in the same caffe or bar. They come to know all the other regulars and at some point they really became locals. I was surprised to discover many older locals were actually foreigners once themselves! Give it a go
RedPanda888@reddit
Takes years to build a solid friendship group. Say yes to everything, socialise, join groups, but otherwise take it easy and don’t stress too much. Took me 3 years until I really felt like I had a group.
RoseBerryNoir@reddit
29 y/o American woman, ex-pro classical dancer who has been living near Rome for almost 1 year! I moved for love, and because I needed to step away from the performance industry. So I had a bit of a clearer picture of the lifestyle change before packing up and going, but I can relate to a lot of what you’ve been experiencing. In 1 year, I’d say the handful of friends I have are all my hub’s friends. Even with my partner’s support, the isolation can be intense. I can speak conversational Italian but it’s hard to meet our age group where I am. I feel more at ease in Rome, which is also where I’ve found a few good dance studios. There are various companies and dance festivals in Rome; maybe you can look at Rome and Milan as options if what you’re seeking the most is a dance community.
I think you have two major options here: give it some more time (maybe even give yourself a deadline) and put in some more effort to find the connections you’re looking for in Italy, or be proud of the fact that you followed your dream and tried it out, and move back somewhere familiar so that can be your home base and you can keep traveling to keep dreaming and broadening your experiences. Or third option, move somewhere completely new and see if it’s a better fit!
And you can DM me if you want to chat with someone who can relate on many counts!
brass427427@reddit
Everyone wants to go home after 9 months. I know I did ... 40 years ago.
lizzlebert@reddit
I've been a human for 35 years. I have a husband, his friends, a bunch of coworkers, and friends I haven't spoken to in over a decade.
Bewaretheicespiders@reddit
The older you are, the more "set" people are in their social circles, the more time it takes to integrate yourself in one.
Apotropaic-Pineapple@reddit
Italy is a special case because most locals have old friends and family within walking distance. On top of that, Italian culture is insular and not particularly open to foreigners beyond tourism.
Select-Insect-7644@reddit
I experience the same as a foreigner in Madrid. Most Spanish adults have family and childhood friends and aren't open/looking to expand their friendship circle.
Uniqlo_Wonderboy@reddit
Someone once told me , “You’ve got to build your own tribe out here , make your place you belong while you are here (outside of the states)” and I really do believe that’s at the heart of many things. It sounds like you also sense it , if you’d only just have a handful of people in your support network, to grab a coffee , or a beer with - you’d be able to thrive a bit more.
I’m in Czechia and I am committed to actively busting through the cultural barriers haha , with grace or a beer. They told me you couldn’t find a best man in a bar, I found two , and one ended up marrying my sister. I eventually found my bosses in a cafe as well.
Expat groups help with some of that emotional support, sometimes , I wonder if I’d be friends with some people back home but I suppose that’s the stuff that’s holding us together across the Atlantic - we are a part of everyone’s home at least in shared history or experience.
zydego@reddit
It took a full year of regretting our move to Spain before I *started* to adjust. In year 3, I never want to go back to the US. From a neurobiology perspective, our brains can get fatigued from constantly adjusting to novel input until we become familiar enough with the environment we're in to filter out non-essentials. (Same as people who live in NYC for years vs. people who are new to the city being totally overwhelmed by the noise, smells, and lights.)
My advice would be try to wait it out a little longer. If you still want to leave on a good day, then consider it. Especially if you're still getting comfortable with the language. As others have said, look for groups for other english-speakers. I found a great one on facebook of all places that does open mic poetry readings for english speakers, and I've already met some amazing people I can't wait to get to know better.
Consider doing language exchange with someone from there (just sit at a cafe and hang out, 30 mins in one language, 30 mins in the other so you both get practice). Definitely try to engage more in your hobbies, though I know how hard that can be. I was a competitive pole dancer before I moved and the studios here just aren't good. :(
The hangover can last months to over a year for some people after the romance has worn off. This is a normal part of doing this kind of big move. If you wait it out, it will start to wear off.
Miss_Might@reddit
Have you tried making friends with other foreigners? It sounds like you're only trying to make friends with Italians. Are there no other foreigns living there?
psychicfrequency@reddit
I think you should try a different city. Northern Italy is a lot different than Southern Italy. Visit a few places, and consider a city with a large expat community like Rome. That way you get the best of both worlds. Good luck.
beland-photomedia@reddit
Even just traveling Italy, Florence didn’t stand out as a place to live among the many options.
No-vem-ber@reddit
9 months is smack bang exactly when things start to get hard.
You're out of the honeymoon phase. Things stop feeling like a holiday, but you haven't been there long enough to have your life sorted out yet.
Keep going! This is a normal phase.
I'm currently at 3.5 years and it's only been in the last year that I've started to feel like I really have close friends and a bit of a sense of belonging.
ilikedogsandglitter@reddit
Hey! I’m a 29 year old American women who now lives in Italy (Bologna). Obviously your feelings are valid and this is a tough experience. I think I cried every day and wasn’t super comfortable here until I hit the year mark, and I had an italian husband to help. I don’t have a ton of advice except the obvious - continue putting yourself in uncomfortable situations until they’re comfortable. But if you ever need to talk to someone or if you’re ever in bologna dm me :)
lmneozoo@reddit
Your salary is 2x higher than most Italians.
I'm also in the same position as you except I'm married. Waiting for my citizenship and leaving
leapwolf@reddit
Hey— just a thought that you may do better in a less touristy city like Bologna or Torino… in very touristy places Italians are less likely to make friends with foreigners (assuming they are tourists!) and it can also be harder to meet fellow foreigners who aren’t only there temporarily.
Find some local fb groups to connect with local English speakers. These often include locals who want to practice their English so you get a range of immigrants and natives to meet, and it’s a group self selecting for wanting to make new friends. My husband and I went to one three days after moving to our city and still have friends we met there (it’s been three years!).
Good luck!
Electrical_Turn7@reddit
Since you are a dancer, have you looked into partnered dance classes? It’s one way to meet people. I also second the suggestion of frequenting cafés/restaurants often enough that you come to be seen as a regular. You will 100% meet new people that way. Which city/town are you in? As an expat, you need to invest more energy and effort into meeting new people, but it can absolutely be done.
MaxRelaxZone@reddit
Is there an Internations chapter there?
Specific_Yak7572@reddit
Florence is a tourist area. People who live in really touristy areas get tired of foreigners. You might try a city that doesn't attract so many tourists. I hear Bologna is a great place to live.
You might make a list of what you want in a city--size, recreational activities, and so on--and see what cities meet your needs.
You work remotely, so the job connection for making friends needs to be replaced. Maybe you could find a part time job or volunteer work that might expose you to more people.
modijk@reddit
Try and connect to the expat community. They are more open. (Maybe InterNations.org has a chapter in florence
drifter_081@reddit
If your command and understanding of the language is good it's largely up to you whether you enjoy your experience. Go to cafes, bars, shops, ride the trains and busses and think of things to say to people. It's easier in the south in congested places like napoli where you may be seated next to strangers in a crowded pizzeria. Even if you don't make friends to go out with at least you are getting out to make some conversation with people you encounter.
guidddeeedamn@reddit
My wife says it takes 2 years to see if you really like it somewhere.. try to thought it out. I relocated too & I don’t have many friends here really none. Hope it gets better for you!
Maru3792648@reddit
It doesn’t help that Americans idealize a lot about Italy. They all dream with a Hollywood style movie and the day to day reality is not like that.
I think you got great advice here, I’d only add: give yourself a year at least. Homesickness comes and goes in waves, but almost always goes away after a year or so
sevenwarriors@reddit
What would you say about homesickness when you haven’t visited in awhile? For me, it’s been one year abroad now in turkey and I have random moments of homesickness that come and go. The longest I have gone without visiting home living abroad is a year and a half straight and I felt a lot better when I did.
spottedbastard@reddit
I've been away from Canada for 30 years and still get a wave of homesickness every once and awhile. Especially around the holidays as I now live in a warm climate and Christmas doesn't get celebrated in quite the same fashion.
Then I go back for a visit and within the week, I realise there is a reason I left in the first place....
ArbaAndDakarba@reddit
For me it took 3 years.
Pretend-Equal-8763@reddit
It's terrible. How rude of the locals not making your life, the one of a foreigner who doesn't speak the language and hasn't grown up in the country and has managed to get an Italian passport due to questionable laws, super easy and rewarding! I would sue Italy.
Shame on you, Italy!
RobertoVerdeNYC@reddit
snark much? Never seen such a passive aggressive response. You really must feel wonderful about yourself.
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
That’s the attitude!
DaveR_77@reddit
Probably difficult to make friends, but i definitely get the impression that once you've made friends- that often you're friends for life- keep that in mind.
People seem more like this, particular from Rome southwards. Bologna as others have mentioned seems lively.
Ok-Way-5594@reddit
9 months? That's an unrealistic timeline for many.
eyewhycue2@reddit
I made friends when living there by starting a writers group. I posted in the English bookstore. Maybe you could start a dance group or a book club if you like to read.
LovitaMinxster@reddit
You may want to chat with a professional AstroCartographer as well as the other suggestions made in this post.
Ka_aha_koa_nanenane@reddit
You might do better in Milan. Florence is...weird, from my point of view. Tourist to local ratio is all wrong.
Milan has communities of interest (and a big theater, La Scala). And theater-oriented people.
It still has tourists of course, but we've found people in Milan to be more open and friendly. Nearby small towns are kind of cool too.
TheLesbianAgenda@reddit
i lived in friuli for three years. i agree that italians can be very closed off to stranieri. i would suggest finding a group, like others have said. Pick a bar that you like and just start hanging out there. Light conversations and acquaintances will turn to friendships! I would also say if you are interested in LGBTQ spaces, there are really great communities in every city.
Other-Ad8876@reddit
Have you looked for an expat community there? That can make all the difference in at least having a few friends to discover the city with.
Other-Ad8876@reddit
A quick search for FB groups and this one looks good FB Group
Rambus_Jarbus@reddit
I lived in Pordenone for 2 years. I never learned any Italian more than ordering food and polite sayings. Most of the time people would speak English after a few times with me. Then their lifetime friend’s jaw would drop when they hear English come from their mouth for the first time.
It really helped living around Aviano. But most Italians as you know have time to work, talk, and eat with family. They don’t have much time out of that. Even my Italian friend hung out twice, not that we didn’t have fun but his priorities were not the same culturally. My wife and I actually hung out with his parents and had a great time.
Idk
Italy was great, but I wasn’t “living there” I was on extended vacation basically.
If you’re looking for a new city here’s what I remember
Pordenone: we were part of the few to choose to live here rather than americatown. Lots to do and the envy of any American living in a city below. I had a 10 minute walk to trains and in Venice in 45. Or be at Marco Polo in a 40 min drive.
Sacile: americatown, almost all military lives here. Lots of English, not as fun or central as Pordenone
Aviano: super close to base, spread out, but still very nice.
Anywhere else surrounding I can help you.
Italy is beautiful but I would say their government and old bodies work hard to keep it the “Good ol’ Italy”
friendlyles@reddit
This is going to be completely different from what other people have suggested, but check out your astrocartography if you are interested in (or not offended by) astrology.
There are so places in the world according to your birth chart where connections and such will come easier and some where you’ll continue to find difficulties and roadblocks in spite of best efforts.
When I learned about that, it made so many of my travel experiences make so much more sense.
Aggressive_Owl4802@reddit
As another comment above, if you consider another italian city I suggest you to try Bologna. Have you ever been in your time in Florence?
It's only 30 minutes by train so you can try it maybe for a weekend (not in august as semi-closed, wait for september), but completely different vibe & people.
Reading your post, Bologna seems a perfect match for you: kingdom of spontaneously social, full of young people from all Italy (thanks to University, but a lot of youngs stay also after), very artsy (so a lot of big theater/musical/dance scene..), probably the best nightlife for youngs of Italy.
Also tons of expats and foreigners (so dedicated events..), impossible not to make friends or get bored.
blortney@reddit
officina acrobatica in bologna is a super cool place to take classes and make friends and meet people!
temmoku@reddit
God! That looks amazing! I wish I had a place like that when I was younger. I'd take an hour return train ride to attend.
journmajor@reddit
And the food is amazing!
dellaterra9@reddit
OMG! Was going to write "try Bologna" love that city!
Aggressive_Owl4802@reddit
Third and counting, go Bolo!
But I'm Italian so biased, you seem American like OP so maybe more useful. What was your experience of expat in Bologna?
dellaterra9@reddit
Well I'm not an expat now. Dream to be, part-time? I ended up there in the late 80's (!) after following a punk band that visited San Francisco. Had a mail (!) correspondence for only a few weeks then was invited to live in their squat with them. Stayed for 6 months. Have wanted to move back ever since but haven't made it work. Maybe soon, after I retire.
laziolee@reddit
Florence is a charming city, HOWEVER, I have found that the people there are not very friendly or open. Maybe it is due to so many foreigners living and visiting in the city?? That being said, I think if you try some of the smaller to medium towns in the Lazio region you will find the people welcoming.
stephybearsunshine@reddit
I'm sorry. That sounds hard. I'm sorry. I think you had an image in your head that hasn't worked. How about going back to the USA and going to Italy on holiday ?
I just know that I'm a homing pigeon and I love being near and close to familiarity. I'm different to my siblings - they've all moved away but I love my comforts and I don't even like going to a different supermarket ! I love holidays but I love nothing more than landing back at Glasgow airport and getting back home.
great_account@reddit
I was born and raised in Chicago. I moved abroad and lived away from Chicago for a period of 10 years. I moved back to Chicago 3 years ago. It felt like moving to a place I had no connection to. I only feel like I developed a sense of community this year and my whole family lived here and I was born and raised here. So I would imagine it could take you potentially longer given the language barrier. Stick with it. A great way to make friends is to go hang out at a local hostel. At least it'll minimize the language barriers.
Fluffy-Assumption-42@reddit
I guess it takes time, and I assume the key as everywhere is to practice Italian, maybe you can get community through language practice meetups like I see is happening in my country in libraries and elsewhere. Some of the meetings are about playing boardgames in the local language which is a great way to get to know people.
You mentioned being a dancer, I have gotten the opportunity to know people from all over Europe, including Italy, through the social dancing events in various dances I have exercised, so maybe check that out if you haven't already, although you talked about performances which sounds like you are more in some kind of choreography or contemporary dances. But the transition to couples dancing should be easy for an experienced dancer like yourself.
(Generally such events are civil and not at all any kind of meet market as there are quite strict explicit and implicit social rules of respect, but it's still a great opportunity to get to know a lot of people, most easily of the opposite sex, and couples form frequently. So if you are inclined for that surest way to get into the society you will for sure be able to find someone there).
temmoku@reddit
This might not be popular with many people, but my strategy is to make acquaintances and not worry too much about making friends. Some grow into more regular contact and maybe into friends.
I admit I need to put more effort into building the connections because, let's face it the outsider is the one that needs to engage while not putting people off by being overbearing. It's hard and very culture dependent.
So, find restaurants where you can become a regular. I guess Italian coffee culture isn't designed for hanging out, but most of my friends are the regulars at my coffee place. They aren't close friends, but they are friends. Keep going to the gym, maybe find a different form of dance - are there any folk dance groups, or similar? Even though your job is remote, are their opportunities to go to talks or sit in on classes at the university in your department or even others?
ivancubo@reddit
I feel the same way, but I lived 6 years in NC, 2 years in Mexico, 1 in Costa Rica and 4 in El Salvador. I moved back to central america because my work visa expired in the US. I feel that its tough to get your life together in third world countries. In your case I feel you just need someone to be with you, give you that company and also give you the space to do things by yourself. Enjoy your spare time and do things by yourself, been lonely is tough and sometimes you get depressed and feel that nothing is doing good. If I can do anything, let me know (PM). We’re in the same boat!
Fair-Negotiation-773@reddit
It’s not great to me as someone who also planned for over a decade and then went there. I ended up coming back home. Worth a visit maybe but not the best for living long term imo.
Just want say I understand how you feel.
Automatic-Grand6048@reddit
That’s my experience of it too.
madjuks@reddit
Also your best bet is to find friends in the expat community. I lived in Amsterdam for 4 years (from the UK) and my friendship circle was only made up of international expats and no Dutch. It's pretty typical when living abroad. Expats are in the same boat as you so you have more in common.
Birbattitude@reddit
I lived for three years in Rome when I was very young, so it’s changed, but if I were you I’d look for an apartment share with an Italian, maybe a student. That way you can speak the language and they may invite you to join their friends and then you could be in!
Lots of ifs but I’d try it before leaving, living alone isn’t great to start.
Automatic-Grand6048@reddit
I lived in Italy for a few years and can relate to this so much. I’m from the UK and found it very difficult to make friends. They seem pretty insular and not interested in making new friends. I was living somewhere rural and also previously in a small town so thought that a city like Florence would be easier with how many English speaking people there are there. Maybe try to find some other social groups that Meetup. I’m sure there must be a few in a city. It’s also ok to go back home if you’re feeling unhappy and lonely. That’s what I needed up doing. I have no regrets and it made me more confident in my home country and so grateful for the things I missed. I think Rome would be good to meet people, maybe take a little weekend trip to get a feel for it. It’s not an easy country to get used to, the culture is so different and I struggled so much with the language. You’re so brave to do that on your own too!
Diligent_Peace3028@reddit
Sis it’s been nine months. Give yourself and the people around you some grace! Things take time and so do relationships. Perhaps relax more and allow the universe to drop those opportunities in your life. Focus on you and language and allow time to breathe new opportunities. I lived on the Big Island of HI for two years before making any meaningful relationships. I lived in GA for 3 years before I had a small handful of people I could actually call friends. Adapt to your environment and see what the flow is and find your jumping in point. And remember you can always change your mind and location!
praguer56@reddit
I feel for you. I moved to Prague with no language skills but I just wanted to do it. I landed a great job that lasted 17 years but during that time I barely had any friends other than a few American, Canadian or Irish friends. Czechs are friends during the week but come weekend they're gone to the countryside and you're seldom if ever invited. They're reserved for parents, spouse, kids, etc. When the economic slump hit there it hit hard. It was then I decided to move back to the US and things were great. Another great job etc but I genuinely miss Prague.
turbulencefun@reddit
i moved to prague from nyc in 2004. still here. but i do desire a change. great city but im just over living in cities. wanna get closer to nature. i think of heading back home but ill probably stay in europe. hopefully relocate
proof_required@reddit
This is a very common pattern around Europe though.
Sabfienda@reddit
I’m a 32F Italian-American living in Albania and I feel the same way. I’m a quick flight away if you ever want company for a weekend 😂
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
I’m so interested in Albania. Doesn’t sound like too bad of an offer lol
Wise_Possession@reddit
Hey, I did 3 years in Albania - no friends, including my blood relatives.
Within an hour in Albania, I had an Albanian friend.
I call Albania Italy-lite - similar lifestyle in some ways, but what I thought I'd find in Italy, I found in Albania.
It's not a perfect country, it has issues, but you may find it more to your taste. (I know Italians who prefer Albania). If you're interested, consider coming for 6 months to a year to Tirana (Americans can stay a year visa-free), and see if you like it.
cagreene@reddit
What was your dream exactly? To be in an exotic space? This fades. Were there concrete goals that you set?
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
To learn the language and to spend time with my family including my 93 and 95 year old grandparents. I’ve organically learned about my father’s life more deeply who left when he was 20.
cagreene@reddit
Can’t you see how those goals aren’t enough to sustain you? these goals need to be expanded if you want to be sustained
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
Yes, I see that now.
Calimyheart@reddit
This might sound silly, but what about taking dance classes in France? Or some other country close. Maybe once or twice a month, if it's do-able. That would certainly change things up.
Glipvis@reddit
Hey! I moved to Genova with my partner just over a month ago from the US as well. I’m also missing some of the common culture and the ease of a shared language. If you want some expat American friends from just a short train away, shoot me a DM and maybe we can hang out for a weekend!
peachpavlova@reddit
You guys had better meet up lol
Responsible-Cup881@reddit
It took me about 10 months to find my footing in the US when I moved here from Europe. I was 28 yo when I moved and was also alone. I nearly gave up and came back. Then I found friends (admittedly mostly other Europeans initially) and eventually a local husband (3 years in, but it was never my goal to marry local). It is relentless at the start and you really have to put yourself out there, I remember at the beginning everyone I was meeting was not my type of person, but eventually I found my tribe. Good luck!
Kat_kinetic@reddit
It’s only been 9 months. You’ve barely scratched the surface of living there. And tbh I don’t know anyone that goes to the gym to meet friends. You have to join activities that are meant to be social.
Spirit_Bitterballen@reddit
The usual advice applies here. The key is to just get one foot in front of the other and do it. On top of the expat/language groups suggested (and they are good suggestions, never underestimate how good it is to have a language learning partner in crime you could:
goldilockszone55@reddit
I think you should fly me over to live with you for few months in Italy, and you will start loving Italians
brillissim0@reddit
Tuscanian people are probably the "coldest" ones in Italy (nothing comprared to germans and Dutch people I guess).
Florence is wonderful to visit but awful to live, like almost every biggest city. If you can I suggest you to move to cities near sea. Like Genova, Pisa, Livorno, La Spezia. People are waaaaaaay more relaxed.
Broutythecat@reddit
Dude WHAT
Tuscanians are renowned in the country for being super friendly!
Southerners are friendlier.
Northerners way less sociable and friendly (speaking as a northerner). Liguria, Piedmont and the Veneto especially are renowned for being closed off to newcomers and just in general (lived in all three, can confirm).
brillissim0@reddit
Man, I am Italian. So I know what I am saying. I had tons of friends who preferred to live in Northern Italy but Tuscany, especially in Florence. Compared to others centrals region Tuscany is the worse in terms of socializations by far. Also Tuscany is the first region in Italy for antidepressant consumption per capita. I'd advice to move to cities near the sea regardless, by the way.
Broutythecat@reddit
Bro so am I! Mi distruggi un mito! Sono ligure/piemontese e ho sempre sentito che abbiamo qui la nomea di essere i meno amichevoli. Ed effettivamente i piemontesi specialmente sono estremamente chiusi. I miei amici toscani sono sempre sembrati così aperti al confronto... Ma nessuno di essi è fiorentino.
brillissim0@reddit
Fratè quale mito? I toscani, fiorentini soprattutto, hanno una mazza nel culo che li fa vivere malissimo (vedi gli ultimi episodi gravi di violenza poliziesca sono capitati tutti in Toscana!) Calcola che una mia collega di Terracina ha vissuto a Firenze e se n'è scappata dalla paura e vive felice e contenta a Napoli.
Livorno, Massa-Carrara e La Spezia se la passano parecchio meglio, per dire. Sarà l'effetto anestetizzante di vivere vicino al mare.
Liguri e piemontesi non scherzano ma i fiorentini sono proprio stronzissimi.
baudolino80@reddit
Vorrei citare un tale Stanis LaRochelle: «Il vero grande merito di questa fiction è che non ci sono i toscani. Nessuno che dice la mi’ mamma, il mi’ babbo, passami la harne, la harta. Perché con quella C aspirata e quel senso dell’umorismo da quattro soldi i toscani hanno devastato questo paese!».
ButMuhNarrative@reddit
I don’t speak or read Italian but can I just throw in a 🤌 for him and a 🤌 for you? This is great, like a tennis match!
guiscard@reddit
I lived in Florence as an American and found the Florentines to be wonderful, both socially and to work with.
vixenlion@reddit
I think you should try Facebook expat groups.
bulletinyoursocks@reddit
Italy is great for vacation
olderandsuperwiser@reddit
Say it louder for the people in the back. The grass isn't always greener !
Longjumping-Bad-2886@reddit
What kind of dancer are you you? Performance or social?
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
Mostly classical dance (ballet), contemporary and modern. Concert performance dance
Longjumping-Bad-2886@reddit
I'm a social dancer (tango) and find that the best way to meet and make friends.
Keropyon@reddit
I’ll give you the advice I’ve given my partner (I’m Italian and he’s British, we’ve been in Italy for 1.5 years): BE BOLD.
If you have acquaintances, join the conversations (totally normal from an Italian stand point), invite them for a coffee/cigarette break, propose doing something. It’s true we might not be as openly friendly as an American can be, but as long as they know you “enough” (by ongoing, casual conversations) I can’t imagine they wouldn’t welcome your attempts to join.
You need to make it clear you want to join as by being a foreigner, most people wouldn’t want to stress you by inviting you or might be shy because they speak no English.
Burden-of-Society@reddit
So you’re living in a tourist destination. Locals don’t see you as “local”, they see you as another tourist. It’s hard to overcome especially if there is a language barrier. Go get PT work in the community where you can have face time, that’s how you meet people, that how you integrate.
Stickygrits@reddit
Oh wow. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I had an amazing opportunity to live in Italy long ago, but I cut it short for similar reasons and have always regretted it. I wish I'd stayed and taken the train all around to different cities to explore the history, artwork, and architecture. The food tourism would also be amazing.
Do you have a way to try to meet expats there? That may be an opportunity to meet people in somewhat similar circumstances to you, and perhaps start building some friendships while continuing to work out assimilating with the native people.
Have you tried contacting any of your relatives there? That may be a way to meet some people who are less guarded about connecting.
You may also give yourself a timeline, like a full year, and if you've given it your full effort but still feel this way you can return home. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find whatever works best for you.
gadgetvirtuoso@reddit
I think part of your problem is being in a rural part of the country. You need more than a small village can offer. I’d start by moving around to various cities. If you have Italian citizenship hence you could also consider anywhere in the EU. There are a bunch of option there as well that might be more suited to what you enjoy.
DruidWonder@reddit
I've never been to Italy but I'm a professional dancer (now retired), and North America is really the only place in the world I've been where the social atmosphere in dance classes is always open and interactive. The only exception is Spain. Everywhere else I've been, they kind of snub you UNLESS it's a dance class to learn the traditional dances of their culture, then they become more interactive.
What you're saying about Italy surprises me though. I have many born-Italian friends and they say all the young people in Italy are dying to learn English and love talking to English-speaking foreigners. I mean, you really do need to know Italian for employment and more civic life, but I'm surprised to hear there's no one who wants to befriend you. Maybe you just need more time?
tranquilo666@reddit
Do you have the option to go into your office? Work is a great way to make friends.
Zieta@reddit
I know you think €45k a year is "not that much" but to put into context that is a very good wage for Italy. I have lived here for two years now. I am different to you though in that I moved here to be with my partner so that in a way had an inbuilt social network. However, I did build my own social network through an organized sport. I train twice a week and play every other weekend when in season. From that I made a strong network of Friends. Even at the beginning when I could not speak such good Italian.
You mentioned dancing and I'm not sure how that works socializing. I do know the first few months weren't easy and at times I felt like I was just showing up playing the sport and going home. But slowly slowly I started getting invites to dinner after practice and drinks etc.
I am in the north of Italy if that gives any context but I think they are meant to be more anti foreigner than Tuscany.
9 months isn't the longest time. It probably took me a full year to be more accepted by my sports team as well as partners friends + family. I also went to language school which introduced me to many friends as well.
kittypurrpower@reddit
I’m Canadian with dual citizenship and have lived in Rome for four years. I feel the exact same way. Following for advice.
zinfandelbruschetta@reddit
Try meeting people at your university
Quirky-Camera5124@reddit
you are still in culture shock, and until you can carry out a casual conversation with italians in italian, you will remain isolated. in year 3 you will begin to feel at home. it is a slow process. look for other italians who are not natives of your city. like you, they are looking for new friends. the natives hare happy to to expand their friendship base much beyond their school friends.
gonative1@reddit
Don’t say you are from USA. It’s like being at tattooed by the girl with the tattoos. Yeah, that girl.
phillyphilly19@reddit
Florence is so popular with Americans, I wonder I'd there's a local expat group or hangout location there. I know you want to befriend Italians but I think that happens over time. Also, it's such a touristy city, I think it might be worth exploring smaller towns with less tourism.
Maleficent_Shift_318@reddit
I am an Italian and I have been living abroad for a while. From afar I realised that Italians are much nicer and welcoming than folks in most other countries, but are also extremely narrow minded and territorial.
In rural Italy, it is enough to be 15 minutes away by car from your hometown and you are already a complete stranger and totally outside your comfort zone, so people really stick to their communities unless they must change or find a partner.
Larger cities have more people flowing in and out, but the key principle does change. Once Italians create their own Group don't tend to mingle too much. I do the same abroad in the end.
Don't give up and follow all the good advice that has been posted here so far. You just need 2/3 buddies to feel comfortable.
Good luck!
GTFOHY@reddit
Making just one (same sex) friend can change your entire experience. If I were you, I would do my best to make one friend
OkSir1011@reddit
were you not aware of the isolation for the past 10 years?
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
Sorry, what do you mean? Maybe my post wasn’t very clear. I wanted to move over the last 10 years but didn’t make the move until 9 months ago. I was a bushy-eyed 19-20 year old when I thought about this so I didn’t think I would be so isolated.
OkSir1011@reddit
yes that's what I meant. you were not aware of the isolation before you went to Italy?? for 10 years??
Ahpari@reddit (OP)
Not really. I had an idealized picture in my head. Sure that was not practical but I think it’s somewhat common. I packed abroad experience, you know?
Glipvis@reddit
You did fine! This person is just being an ass
Strict-Armadillo-199@reddit
As,usual.
ECALEMANIA@reddit
It’s different to go on vacation than actually live and work in a place.
Friendly_Lie_221@reddit
Takes at least 3 years to find community anywhere
NeoPrimitiveOasis@reddit
Maybe Rome offers more expat communities for you to find friends in? Florence is stunning, but over-tourism might turn the locals off from foreigners.
rruler@reddit
Florence is small, and also primarily students.
I would consider Rome, Milan, or some of the bigger cities.
Regardless, I made the move myself from the US to Italy.
• pick a local bar that has a variety of phases : breakfast, and evening movida. I made friends with regulars that always hang out at my local bar. • join an international / expat focused community. For example, SoHo House (they don’t have one in Florence tho) • Language classes are a community of itself. My wife made friends at her language class, and the school often has mixers, aperitivo, and weekend trips you can join • We made friends taking painting classes and ceramics • Every city has its foreign bars. Only local foreigners really go, ergo people that stick around. Hit up some pubs or un-Italian bars
Good luck! It’s awesome living here. Granted 45k is not bad for Italy but definitely limiting
Justpassingthru-123@reddit
Do language exchange to meet people
Glipvis@reddit
Hey! I moved to Genova with my partner just over a month ago from the US as well. I’m also missing some of the common culture and the ease of a shared language. If you want some expat American friends from just a short train away, shoot me a DM and maybe we can hang out for a weekend!
ToeComprehensive2072@reddit
My friend actually moved to Italy 5 years ago and just now started to like it. She moved to a town that is close to the beach and is near a university she said meets a lot of people her age a lot who are traveling there or there for school. Italy I feel is a hard place to adjust to. I have been a few times and found that it reallllllly depended on the area but people generalxkwpt to themselves. Would you consider moving to another part of Italy? I feel it’s hard too when you work remotely to meet people
916cycler@reddit
in about about 4 months, this might be the best decision you ever made in your life. I consider you very lucky
JazzlikeCup8@reddit
I’ll be in Rome/Florence in a couple of weeks, give me a shout if you fancy a coffee!
DatingYella@reddit
Welcome to reality. I did the same thing for China (my original country before migrating to the us) and I felt an increased sense of appreciation for the us too after that.
I said salary didn’t matter before until I cared about it.
MisfitDRG@reddit
How do you like spain in comparison?
DatingYella@reddit
I’m gonna be there in a couple of weeks. I’m there for a multi country masters so the difference is that you get a built in social structure.
And I don’t intend to stay.
nomadingwildshape@reddit
Depends on what you value of course, but Firenze is a small town. What about Rome or Naples?
ElSantoSpain@reddit
If you can keep your remote job, or if you can find a job in Argentina... you should move to Argentina. Now it could be hard to find a good job but starting 2025 things will become much easier, and oc you can teach native english here as after school support. Leave Italy, leave EU, and come to the real world with Milei's government will become the real land of the free and opportunities.
mandance17@reddit
My cousin lives there for 7 years now. It was not easy in the beginning. I am in Italy every year myself (also Italian American like you) I’d say just give it time, the first year is expected to be hard. The Us willl always be there so no worries