How can I turn my life around?
Posted by Senior_Celery_8767@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 614 comments
I’m 27m unemployed, still live at home, never had a relationship, never even kissed anyone, just typing that out made me laugh.
I don’t know what to do, never had any interests career wise, don’t really have any life goals. I’m not educated and have no degree or anything.
I don’t deal well with change, new people/places etc. Not the best socially, never been to a party or anything like that.
At this point I’m happy just burning through savings and calling it quits when I run out.
I don’t feel like I have it in me to turn it around.
Anyone been in a similar position, what did you do? Thanks
Negative-Leading-687@reddit
It's not very exciting or romantic but the best things to do really are work on the basics.
Maybe start with your sleep schedule, your diet and therapy, once you are doing well with those then move onto finding one hobby that you like and a job that you can tolerate, use the new hobby and job to make friends (something that takes quite a bit of energy and effort).
Those things are 90 percent of your life so as boring as they sound, getting them in a good place will have a huuuge impact on your life and wellbeing.
Murielae@reddit
Are there any strategies you found useful in fixing your sleep schedule? For me there's no incentive in waking up in the morning if there's nothing to do, and finding that something is challenging for sure.
Negative-Leading-687@reddit
If you see this from another account DM me man
Negative-Leading-687@reddit
Hey sorry man I'm so shit at responding to messages, I sent you a DM incase you are still active on this account. Check your Dom's!
Negative-Leading-687@reddit
Hey man if you are looking at your posit from another account and see this DM me, I want to share some things I've experienced and hear more about what you are going through
JackDrawsStuff@reddit
‘Atomic Habits’ is an important book you should read and really try to internalise.
In a nutshell, it describes how you can improve your life in enormous ways by making tiny changes to your habits that are so small, they’re easy to maintain - but that will have a compounding benefit over time.
Do it a bit at a time.
Start by getting fit, that improves your mentality and work ethic.
Then get a job, work hard and embrace routine.
Then try out a stack of different hobbies:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Hobbies/comments/zqwx6c/the_hobby_master_list_and_their_subreddit/
Baby steps friend.
flexibee@reddit
Don't fret about this kissing or relationship.
Get a job you're passionate about, and bang a prostitute. That will get you over that.
In time with a normal working life and taking care of yourself, you will find a relationship.
You have to view it from the opposite side, would you want to be intimate with yourself?
dont_kill_my_vibe09@reddit
OP, don't listen to this part:
(And worry about STDs on top of getting a job 👍)
What a cold way to start having sex... Instead of feeling safe and doing it with someone you trust and care about...
If anything, it will make them more depressed. A person in a situation like them with behavioural issues like they describe really doesn't need a cold intimate experience like that. It will just damage them further. They need stable, emotionally supporting relationship experiences as their mental health is fragile during a period like this.
First work on other issues in small steps. Grow and strengthen yourself emotionally. A relationship and sex can come afterwards.
Good luck OP, hopefully you'll overcome your current hurdles in life.
Kindly-Substance_@reddit
Clearly never seen an escort. It's just good fun if you're single mate
Deep_Impression6084@reddit
No idea why they keep stigmatizing men who go to see escorts and prostitutes. As long as it's safe and no crimes involved it's fun to bang a 8 or 9/10 woman who is totally out of your league.
TreacherousFox@reddit
if someone was interested in these 8 or 9s, how would that someone find such a service?
Deep_Impression6084@reddit
Escort websites, local red light district. Too easy we are living in the age of information
TreacherousFox@reddit
they're definitely not 8s or 9s where I'm looking
dont_kill_my_vibe09@reddit
Bot account lol.
Sea-Television2470@reddit
Definitely don't listen to that part. Good men don't pay for sex.
Soft_Rip4605@reddit
Prostitutes are actually less likely to have STDs since they get tested regularly and practice safe sex as a job.
Deep_Impression6084@reddit
This is so damm true, i banged over 100 prostitutes last few years yet im still healthy and functioning
dont_kill_my_vibe09@reddit
That's why your top subreddits are "doomer", "relationship advice", "depression memes"...
Healthy mhmm.
postvolta@reddit
Sorry but that advice is so useless.
Guy doesn't have a job, let alone passion for anything. Take baby steps. Get any job and figure out the bits of it you like, then move towards a job that has more of the stuff you like and less of the stuff you don't, and keep doing that every couple years.
But you have to do something. You don't go from 'no job' to 'job you're passionate about'. Took me 15 years of full time employment to find a sector, industry, employer and role that I absolutely love that also pays me well enough to live a decent life.
Kitchen_Run7633@reddit
Cal Newport agrees with you 👍
I'd add that you don't have to be passionate about your job to recognise the value in it. Pride is more likely when you can recognise the value in your job, but none of this requires passion.
Mizunomafia@reddit
Agreed, but I think education is key here.
Don't worry about not having an extreme interest in something. Few people have. What normally happen is that people take up a trade, an education and dive into it. The more time you spend on something the more interested you will be.
Landscape gardening, bricklaying, IT, nursing. Whatever.
Give it a go. You can do it. And the rest of it will follow.
gotmunchiez@reddit
Good advice but definitely avoid bricklaying if you have any kind of social anxiety. I know a couple of bricklayers and it's quite a monotonous job so they basically spend 8 hours a day taking the piss out of each other.
thatscrazy157@reddit
So true. It takes quite a bit of luck to end up with skills for a job you can call passion, as most entry level jobs aren't things that one can immediately call enjoyable.
Could be disheartening to tell someone "get a passion" when their problem is exactly that they can't find something to be passionate about.
Curious-like-Georg3@reddit
Please do not bang a prostitute lol, as someone who has done this many times you will just feel regret and it will rot your mind and you’ll end up having a negative outlook towards women thinking that they are only for sex
This-Increase-3478@reddit
Job he’s passionate about doesn’t fall from the sky. He needs whatever job will take him rn to get some experience or to try uni.
AlarmedGrape9583@reddit
Cant believe this has a lot of upvotes.
IndividualCurious322@reddit
What a novel way to advertise your mothers business. Do you have a coupon code he can quote too?
larrythegoat420@reddit
Oh shit you cooked his ass 🔥😂
BalboniSentMe@reddit
🤢
ForceUnfair2435@reddit
awful advice
Efficient-Gas7209@reddit
This is a bit zero to a hundred.
Surely that’s unnecessary if he addresses the surrounding issues first… And integrates into society a bit more…
For what it’s worth I agree with the not fretting part.
flexibee@reddit
Not sure 27 is very late though imo to have had no sexual contact.
Ezekiiel@reddit
Downvotes for this is mad
flexibee@reddit
I know, and I didn't even say sex, I said sexual contact. A kiss even. This is very late, I didn't say it in a judgemental way. But if you're that much later than average, there are further underlying reasons.
ploopitus@reddit
Don't 'bang a prostitute'. Unless you really want to. Otherwise, this is terrible advice, imo.
smellyfeet25@reddit
yes. relationships are not guaranteed though
sausagemouse@reddit
Or getting a job you're passionate about. A lot easier said than done
madzuk@reddit
It's a life long journey tbh it's not easy at all. But you take microsteps. Is there something at the bottom that has some sort of pathway to the thing you're passionate about? Is your dream job being a sound engineer? Study. Work for a audio shop. Work for a audio warehouse. Learn a skill that connects the dots, for example marketing. Become a marketer for a audio company. Through all those connections one day, you could become a audio engineer.
My sign of progress is, is the job less shit than the last one? Yes, then you're on the right path.
smellyfeet25@reddit
best to get one you just do not hate lol
SweepTheLeg69@reddit
And set your expectations low, with the pro.
I_ALWAYS_UPVOTE_CATS@reddit
Don't ask anything more, from the whore.
SweepTheLeg69@reddit
All you need to do is empty your bag, in the slag.
adrenalinexfreak@reddit
wow , misogynistic much??
Dyalikedagz@reddit
Bore off
chellenm@reddit
Wow
ChampagneBrokie@reddit
Who do you want to be ? Write it down and work backwards from there. Be realistically with timescales too it’ll probably take about a year to get to that place , but you’ve waited 27 years for a partner , 1 solid year of investing in yourself won’t kill you and it’ll make you a better prospect that won’t settle for less than you deserve. Like everyone else has said , Gym, Self care , increase your skills , increase your income , educate yourself, get a hobby and if you can learn a combat sport like BJJ or Muay Thai that will humble you , if you can tolerate getting punched in the face a few times a week you’ll be able to manage most things in day to day life
Over-perception2277@reddit
OP, any chance you could be autistic?
VampireVampireV@reddit
You're actually done. Im not joking
Fuzzy_Equal_7416@reddit
Why is he done?
VampireVampireV@reddit
Something has to go fundamentally wrong to reach your late 20s with no progress financially or socially. Whether that be a genetic condition or an unfortunate circumstance doesn't really matter because that span between 18-27 is a significant portion of their life they will always be playing catch up on.
Senior_Celery_8767@reddit (OP)
yeah, you’re probably right
AltruisticCap9217@reddit
Gym brother it will change your life
BugInternational5909@reddit
Gym. Job. Hobbies. Therapy.
Leading_Screen_4216@reddit
This is such an American response. There are so many more enjoyable ways in the UK to get exercise, especially cardio which is what will do the most to improve quality of life.
Ezekiiel@reddit
How is it American? What a weird response to someone trying to help someone who’s lost.
Gym isn’t just lifting weights you know
Neither-Stage-238@reddit
Affording therapy sounds quite american
DarkusHydranoid@reddit
It's really not, dude. There's different cultural sports and activities Americans can do that we can't in our small UK. Gyms are everywhere.
vaeliget@reddit
if you're a man having muscles gives you the male equivalent of pretty privilege, seems more valuable in everyday life than being able to run a 10k
ForceUnfair2435@reddit
Being handsome and tall is male pretty privilege (aka being pretty) muscles can add to it but genetics do more
vaeliget@reddit
you're not disproving what i said, no ones cooming over a man who can run
ForceUnfair2435@reddit
they are if he is handsome and tall
MrStilton@reddit
Like what?
daveTheGinge@reddit
Football violence?
ramxquake@reddit
Gym is much more fun than cardio. Literally no-one ever says that cardio is enjoyable.
MorningToast@reddit
It's a matter of opinion, much like what you wrote. Pure opinion.
xaeromancer@reddit
Exactly. The buzz from lifting weights is awesome and a lot easier to get than the distance running one.
chimterboys@reddit
Ditto. I've just started calisthenics at home, as its easier for me personally.
The mental difference of looking better, as well as getting stronger does wonders. Even just having a better posture makes me feel like a million quid.
wildOldcheesecake@reddit
This is how I feel with running. When I first started about 5 years ago, I thought I could never make this enjoyable. But now? It’s all about the high I get and I honestly crave it. If I’ve missed a run, it’s like my legs ache and yearn to get outside
FatRascal_@reddit
Careful with therapy I’d say. A lot of people out there monetising it now. Ask for help via a GP and you may need a solution that doesn’t include therapy.
I’ve had incredible success with SSRIs but terrible results from CBT etc
ForceUnfair2435@reddit
Proper counselling/therapy is so much better than just SSRIs. Most people are not like this due to a chemical imbalance but due to life going to shit and trauma.
Neither-Stage-238@reddit
Its also extremely expensive, good luck getting it on the NHS
Low_Space_12@reddit
This definitely isn't always true - I had therapy and counselling for years but SSRIs have changed my life. The best evidence base is doing both.
FatRascal_@reddit
You can’t generalise with stuff like this. Therapy didn’t work for me but SSRIs are working a treat.
Everyone who has a mental health issue will be different so their treatment will/should be different
FunSuspect7449@reddit
Meanwhile SSRIs ruined my life but therapy turned it around
CherrySG@reddit
Ah yes, Cruelty-Based Therapy.
trtrtr82@reddit
The evidence base for CBT is pretty thin and imo it's useless for anything more than very mild depression.
The evidence base for SSRIs is pretty thin as well, and some people experience very serious side effects. Proper mental health services would cost billions so easier to dish out pills and ask people to do some CBT training online.
Xylene999new@reddit
This. The thing seems to be that all of these things work better than the placebo for separate, limited groups. Finding which one works for you is a lottery, so you get pills and a self help book.
asthecrowruns@reddit
It’s hit and miss I think. I’ve been through a dozen therapists over several years, all NHS, college/university, or charity based, so I’ve never paid, and I’ve had amazing and terrible. Some were great but their approach didn’t work for me (I’m not a huge fan of cbt for me, though it can work for others), and some had a good approach in theory but we had a tense relationship due to clearly being on different wavelengths. But I’ve had some incredible therapists too, who have gone out of their way to help me and really kept some stability through a stressful time. CBT can be great, especially if you’re new to therapy, but we need more funding/focus on the options outside of CBT for those it doesn’t work with.
Ironically, I had hell with SSRIs. Who knew you could develop a tic disorder on them? Apparently non of my doctors and psychiatrists ahah. SSRIs have been a dream for many people I know and they couldn’t live without them (even if it takes a few med changes). But it seems I have some strain wiring that makes them unusable for me. I swear by my SNRI. Regardless, medication has helped me in a way no amount of therapy could have.
junglisttt@reddit
Can also vouch for this. Also, sounds ridiculous but I get a weekly haircut just for my own mental health.
People obviously think I'm ridiculous but I like my routine
Thelastbronx@reddit
Doing small-ish things other people may think ridiculous, but make you happy, is the key imo.
HTMListerine@reddit
Not that crazy, although I think every two weeks is more common. My hair grows like crazy and I'd say I should get it cut every 3 weeks, but it usually ends up being every 4
Sean001001@reddit
As far as job goes, The Prince's Trust could be helpful. I think 35 is the age cut off.
Decent_Bus8242@reddit
Did it when I was 16 has no impact on anything whatsoever it’s worthless
Sean001001@reddit
I mean the organisation, not the award. They help young people in their professional life.
MelloTrip@reddit
Was kind of excited when you mentioned this, but the prince's trust website shows ages 16 - 30. Do you know anywhere on the website that shows up to 35? I am just over 30 and in much the same situation as OP and desperately need a change or something to cling on to, to improve my life. Thanks.
El-Stormbringer@reddit
I was sick of bumming around in shit dead end jobs, went to college again and did an ICT course with a bunch of 17 and 18 years old when I was 31/32...got a job straight after, been in work ever since, many hobbies, own my place now.
It was a drag for a year but, I think employers appreciated the grind. I left school at 15, no qualifications, straight in to building sites and garages etc, care work, driving jobs, no security. Absolutely shit.
A year goes quickly. I did it while unemployed and didn't tell the job centre, still applied for jobs but made little effort on the applications. Have a plan. Stick to it. Fuck the dole
MelloTrip@reddit
That's awesome, very commendable.
I have a honours degree in IT but I got ill right after, for a few years, so haven't actually been employed for years and this is a big issue for potential employers tbh.
I was considering a masters for 1 year, but wondering how that will help my employment chances.
El-Stormbringer@reddit
Go get a job in some kind of retail contact centre... Places that are easy to walk in to. Once you're in, there's loads of scope to move around. Looks good on the CV and they're always crying out for IT staff and degrees usually help you in to management roles. Sometimes, just having a job, no matter how naff it may seem, is all that's needed.
Or look at govt jobs. They're usually a bit more forgiving with gaps in employment. Get in to a department that has no chance of being shut.. Health, education, environment etc. Most work from home. All have excellent pension schemes, holidays. Your degree puts you at an advantage here.
I did what I did just to get the skill to move in to offices. Took a shitty job in energy, decent pay and then left once I'd ironed out my hangups to do the actual job I wanted to do with a regulator. Been there ten years now and no I ye rest in moving. Terms and conditions are great, pension is as good as it gets and I'm finished by half 3 every day. Money could be better but, in a month I'll have no mortgage or anything, just household bills. Usual mundane shite. Winner!
It's been a long haul though and I was truly at the end of my tether when I did what I did. There's still time brah... Just don't think to long because time fucking flies.
GingerAndTheBiscuits@reddit
Your local authority will likely run or be able to signpost to some adult education courses - as the poster above says, sometimes the new routine of getting out the house is enough to spark something.
MelloTrip@reddit
I had a look but they don't offer much outside of wellbeing or money wiseness courses. Looking to gain some skills to move forward. I have a degree in IT but been out of work for some time, mostly through illness.
Sean001001@reddit
Yeah sorry mate, I must have remembered it wrong. It looks like the cut off's 30.
Faoeoa@reddit
Yup! I actually had this revelation at 19 with no clear sense of direction, stopped showing up to college etc.
Did a course with princes trust to get me into a routine and I've been consistently in work for the last 6 years. Not the only option but worked like a treat for me.
JoelLikesPigs@reddit
They need to THRIVE: Therapy, Hobbies, Recreation (Gym), and Vocation (Job).
Laescha@reddit
What's the I for?
Conscious-Bug9256@reddit
Imasturbation
jtevil@reddit
Haaaaaaaaaaa!
DirtyRasheed@reddit
For me it's intoxication
cifala@reddit
‘Indian food’, that would be mine anyway
matbur81@reddit
Correct answer 😁
highfivev@reddit
Truck yeah
Ok-Blackberry-3534@reddit
Insurance fraud!
GrandWazoo0@reddit
The secret ingredient is crime!
EnvironmentalBox9959@reddit
Will you go down and get me kebab?
nigeltheworm@reddit
Indica.
bloody7up@reddit
Oh yes.
Evilnight007@reddit
Much better
Evilnight007@reddit
IT Crowd
jb0079@reddit
The perpendicular pronoun.
PO77R@reddit
This has cracked me up 😂. Drops THRVE casually
thereisnoluck@reddit
I always thought it was “introspection” ie listening to what you actually want/enjoy and following that which also leads to the others, hobbies, recreation, vocation
Snoo_21398@reddit
..I got thrive oannnnn it!.....
Mindless_Ad_6045@reddit
It's the job part that's the tough part, you can do your hobbies, eat well and work out all tou want, but at the end of the day, if you have a dead end job with no satisfaction you'll just plumet right back into darkness.
abWings89@reddit
I do agree. I recently turned down two jobs one I planned on going for but my home situation was terrible. Plus I want to move house/possibly towns so I knew it would just be setting myself up and then for disappointment
People don't seem to say that jobs require etiquette, time keeping , presentation, energy and social skills. Saying "getting a job" is fruitless if you can't efficiently manage your own job (life) first . You have to sort yourself out first and be grateful for what you do have to begin with before moving forward
abWings89@reddit
Where can I get some Well?
Mr_Venom@reddit
Talk (social support, therapy)
Health (diet, dental, hygiene, etc)
Routine (sleep, work/life balance, change/stability balance)
Interests (Hobbies and non-work education)
Vocation (gainful employment and lasting legacy)
Exercise
funkygez@reddit
Thank you.... I can sleep pea equally now ik ow what the 'i' was for. A thousand thanks
ExposedId@reddit
Thank you Dr Venom. I bow to your symbiotic wisdom!
NeitherNews6759@reddit
Wow! I went for all those things and instinctively, after forcing myself to leave my wife after 16years.
It's nice seeing them all together and realising what I have achieved so far.
I confirm. They all work.
acarine-@reddit
Where’s the ‘I’ in your acronym
BigLittleSlof@reddit
Between R and V mate
ThiccLesion@reddit
This is what I did and it saved me.
MrStilton@reddit
What hobbies did you pick up?
ThiccLesion@reddit
For me, I got big into painting. I watched some of those old bob ross tutorials for the memes but they helped so much.
Now it has developed into me painting a lot of miniatures for tabletop games.
Ollympian@reddit
I'm going to jump in on this. A friend about 5 years ago convinced me to go to a gaming hangout with him that he had been a part of for a couple of years. Like 7 guys who get together to play Warhammer, board games etc. Really glad I did as I've made some really close mates who we go out as couples on nights out, play online video games plus I love painting and playing Warhammer as well.
badgey-pudds@reddit
I knew a guy at work who was in a similar position. He joined his local astronomy club, met a woman (she was incredibly fit)- also into astronomy. Few years later they got married and moved to Australia. The guy’s life literally changed after joining the astronomy club. It’s not always about meeting a partner, but in this case, worked out great. If nothing else you’ll meet a new bunch of folk.
Captain_Kruch@reddit
I was in a relationship with a woman i truly believed I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. It eventually went South, and it nearly broke me as a man (I still love her, and would get back with her tomorrow. But I know she'd never come back to me. We also wanted different things, and one of us would come to resent the other eventually). I forced myself to start going to the gym, and find that when I'm there, she isn't on my mind. I'm healthier and look better than ever. It also gets me out of the house and socialising in a weird way. It's early days, but I'm getting there slowly. Try it. Exercise can work wonders.
bensi59@reddit
Don't bother.... You know that old saying... You'll meet someone when you least expect it. I think women can smell desperation, it's a linger smell that a wide-eyed man gives off. That odor that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
If as a guy you have had a girl hit on you and you've just pulled back, that's what a lot of women go through.
If you make her work for it... She will appreciate you. I'd like to say woe is women they are stupid but this is the human condition. Like applying for a job, someone will be desperate enough to fall for that weird sense of humour you have. We are all human... We all want something that is worthy of us. May the lord love you and keep you. As a Muslim, I believe the fit will come... You just need to yield. It's the chase that kills you.
Find a higher purpose... If you want something then ask for it.... But keep it between you and the lord.
Cut a deal... If you ask... You will receive... But remember... Where you will draw the line. Some people don't know where to draw the line
In short ... There's this assumption that you're in charge... You're not.
I hope that helps
Hedley_Lammarr@reddit
I can still feel the pain in this post. Similar thing happened to me about 12 years ago
halap3n0@reddit
Absolutely the first thing you need to sort out is exercise. It will improve everything, not just health but self confidence, motivation, give you something to talk about, help with depression etc. Just get out there!
InterestingIsland981@reddit
Yes, and you might be eligible for free training courses that you can sign up for in the meantime. On the bright side, you haven't made any major life fuck ups yet either!
MelloTrip@reddit
Hi, where can one look at or sign up for training courses? I am kind of in a similar situation to OP. Thanks in advance.
InterestingIsland981@reddit
It can differ depending on your local area, what qualifications you already have and other factors but hopefully this link might help you get started
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/free-courses-for-jobs
Hope this helps!
MelloTrip@reddit
Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it.
InterestingIsland981@reddit
no worries and good luck!
nasanu@reddit
All of those require lots of money
BugInternational5909@reddit
That's why you need a job.
Basic gym yms are anywhere from £22-40. Hobbies don't have to have a significant cost. Therapy can be expensive yes, but you can speak to close friends and family about your struggles.
nasanu@reddit
And you wont get a job. Honestly you dont sound like you have ever been in the OPs position. I have and the advice you gave is less than worthless. You are just saying be successful. Just be rich, stop being poor.
BugInternational5909@reddit
That's what worked for me. Rather than make judgements about people on Reddit you know nothing about, please do offer your own suggestions.
nasanu@reddit
I did. And I really don't believe you have been in that position given what you write. Just saying do all the things you cannot do isn't helping anyone.
BugInternational5909@reddit
That's great. Frankly, I don't care what you think. Best of luck to OP all the same!
gintokireddit@reddit
Yet people for millenia didn't go to the gym and most happy people today don't either. I've worked in a gym...it's overrated as a life solution and as a way to stay healthy...the fittest middle-aged+ people I know don't go to the gym but have other physical activities they frequently do.
FunSuspect7449@reddit
Cope
jtsao21@reddit
best 4 words advice
Soft_Rip4605@reddit
This blanket gym advice is not good. If it isn't your thing it's not that helpful. I struggled to motivate myself to go to the gym and people said I was lazy yet I can't go three days without cycling at least 20 miles.
Louis_TZE@reddit
Focus on yourself first before considering finding a partner, unless she can help you in improving yourself !
Smashedavoandbacon@reddit
That's the beauty of the gym, it's always there for you. It gets you out of the house and gets you doing something positive for yourself. My 25 year love affair with the gym has saved me from both mental and physical problems.
Ace_Of_Spades_2911@reddit
Hobbies are a big thing. I've put it off for a long time out of nervousness but will sign up for one of my local running clubs and take that leap of faith!
NumerousStorage1334@reddit
running is definitely a great sport to get into, you can meet a lot of great and friendly people! I've never met a mean runner 🤷♀️
Weary-Swimmer-7047@reddit
Sometimes the simplest things are the best. And not necessarily the easiest, but absolutely necessary
ConfusedNewMe@reddit
Same, but substitute gym for climbing because the gym bores me to tears 🤣
cherriesansberries@reddit
THIS
ert270@reddit
Yeah this is pretty much spot on.
External_Lab7887@reddit
Get divorced. Learn to code. Hire a lawyer. I also pick this guys wife.
p4ttl1992@reddit
can confirm, gym saved my sanity when I was unemployed, skint and had 2 kids to care for.
In a much better place now than I was 10 years ago.
jaBroniest@reddit
Absolutely all of this. I'm Bipolar and therspy and going to a gym (I started a month ago) has changed my life! I sleep better, feel more confident and it really helps my mental health!
Ok_Cow_3431@reddit
probably not that order mind
Gertrude282@reddit
Truth is no one really cares what you do.
As someone said to me years ago, "life is what you make it"
Gloomy-Ad-5461@reddit
Go on borrow my doggy and start taking other peoples dogs out, no only are dogs better then humans, it will be a gentle way to have a conversation with a stranger without the pressure. A very good friend of mine, never had a job, never had a relationship then at the sage of 35 got a job and soon after found someone and got married. Don’t put pressure on yourself about what you should of achieved or any of that crap. Just try and be happy as much as you can x
MRRichAllen1976@reddit
If you think it's bad at 27, I'm 21 years your senior and am pretty much in the same situation
Only_Butterfly3721@reddit
This makes no sense. It's much better to be this at 21 than 27. At 21 this would basically be normal
MRRichAllen1976@reddit
Define "normal"? I'm on the Autism spectrum, yet contrary to popular belief I actually AM "normal"
Mr_Dumitrescu@reddit
Start going to gym, start going to meeting where people want to learn new things like business, painting, music, sculpture, dancing. Do these things and try to integrate yourself into a community. Find a job a try do go dating, is not that hard…just don’t give up. Good luck.
CountJonkler@reddit
You sound mad depressed, have you got no drive or motivation to do anything? What does a normal day in the life look like for you out of interest?
Maybe start with setting yourself small achievable targets and build up to bigger ones.
TheWallDemons@reddit
What does depression feel like? How do you identify it?
My life is a bit like OPs except I have a job. Am I supposed to just approach a Therapist and say "theres something wrong with me but I don't know what"?
murphy_1892@reddit
GP is a good start, although with the current primary care crisis it can be difficult getting an appointment
CountJonkler@reddit
I mean I went through a prolonged low period where I was social isolating myself, couldn’t seem to find joy in anything I’d previously enjoyed. It came to a head when I went for a walk one day and I saw a discarded belt in the park and thought “I could hang myself with that”. I caught myself and was shocked that my mind jumped to that thought which prompted me to self-admit myself to the local NHS wellbeing team.
I ended being diagnosed with low mood disorder & general anxiety, did a 6 week CBT course which sorted me right out.
Wh4ty0ue4t@reddit
This is the first time I've EVER seen someone say cbt worked for them. I'm super happy it worked for you like that is brilliant but wow it just made everything in my life 1000x worse
CountJonkler@reddit
Oh really? I'm sorry to hear that!
I would estimate that the group week 1 started off with about 25 people in it, by week 6 there were maybe 5 of us still going. For me it really helped having someone give me logical explanations as to why I felt the way I did. I could identify where it had stemmed from and either make peace with it or learn to cope with it if it returned.
MongooseSoup@reddit
I had 2 one-to-one sessions of something on the NHS that I think was CBT. I mainly remember the guy asking me "so how would you kill yourself?". And when I said "I don't think I am actually going to kill myself" he said "Yeah, but if you were going to kill yourself, how would you do it?".
I decided it wasn't really helping me and didn't go back.
secrethedgehog5@reddit
CBT only has a 50% success rate and isn’t for everyone, but it’s the one that sees the most results hence why its the main therapy on the NHS - CBT therapist at the NHS :)
Forward-Pollution564@reddit
It’s not success. It’s any change. 50% don’t get anything positive out of CBT, not even neutral and the other 50% experience some change.
TheWallDemons@reddit
You should probably say CBT means Cognitive Behavioural Therapy because that is not what I thought of first.
CountJonkler@reddit
What did you think it stood for dare I ask?
TheWallDemons@reddit
Heh, you're going to hate it.
Because of memes etc on the internet CBT is usually an acronym for Cock and Ball Torture.
CountJonkler@reddit
😂 oh Lordy! Well I don’t think you can get that on the NHS
Affectionate_Comb_78@reddit
In America they call it the billing department
Jesturrrr@reddit
The waiting list can feel like being kicked in the balls repeatedly.
superbooper94@reddit
Something and something torture. I'll let you work it out
Affectionate_Comb_78@reddit
Some people say that REALLY cheers them up. Resultd my vary
SelectTrash@reddit
That's what I thought at first when my friend told me he was having it lol
cr1spy28@reddit
Lack of motivation to do anything, starting to dislike things you previously enjoyed, tired all the time despite sleeping a lot. It doesn’t necessarily make you feel “sad” which is what people who have never been depressed thing depression is. It just kind of makes you not feel anything, you almost become numb. Like you don’t really feel excited about anything
Caligapiscis@reddit
Unironically yes. You'll be amazed what things you didn't even realise were dragging you down.
WilsonSpark@reddit
I’ve been suffering for years, tried everything bar therapy. Decided to get tested for low testosterone, that flagged up fatty liver disease. Turns out that was the root cause of it. Diets on track, cut back on my depression meds and feel like I’m turning a corner. You have to keep knocking on doors until you get your right answer
GandalfTheEnt@reddit
If you do, find one you have a connection with. It won't work otherwise. Call a few and talk on the phone and pick your favourite.
loranlily@reddit
Start with your GP
minimalisticgem@reddit
Yeah you can do that.
Mediocre_Boot3571@reddit
100% depression
BottleDifficult9991@reddit
In the same boat (lowborn M 27, with no hobbies and a worthless distance learning degree). Not much you can do now. Go to r/UKjobs and you’ll see people with 1sts or high 2:1s struggling to find even the most menial minimum wage jobs.
Like others have said, maybe try to exercise and eat healthier. Good luck ;)
halcyon997@reddit
I've been exactly where you are, spent 8 years of my 20s doing nothing, playing video games. What finally got me out of the rut was building my fitness and mobing on togetting a job, making it my goal to own my own house which I achieved 10 years later.
You just have to want to change and make it happen through small actions, that eventually build to bigger ones.
wannabe_rake@reddit
You’re unemployed now but have you had a job before? What was it?
What do you do during the day/night? What do you like doing?
If you don’t have an answer to the last question- think of a film or book that you like, think about why you like it. Is it the characters, the drama, the action, something else? If you can identify something that resonates with you, you can start to think about why. Maybe you like the Fast and Furious movies because you like cars. So if you like cars, can you drive? Can you fix them? Get a licence or look for a mechanics apprenticeship or something. Or maybe you like a TV comedy. Sign up for a comedy course, see if you can enjoy deconstructing humour and then constructing some yourself. Or maybe you like games? Find a local board game cafe and join a social evening. Or maybe you just love food? Find a cooking class/cookery course/youtube recipe video and make your favourite dish.
I’m just using these as examples because we don’t know very much about you. But I think a good place to start is to think about what kinds of things you’re into and then taking some steps to start making a hobby or a job out of that thing.
If you really feel that you have to / want to turn your life around, it won’t be easy and you will have to do a little bit of something every day. It might sound hard but don’t forget that even 5 minutes of a “thing” today that you didn’t do yesterday is an improvement and a step forward.
Constant joy and happiness very rarely exists. But contentment can be built. And then moments of joy and happiness do come, however fleeting.
SmeethGoder@reddit
What if there isn't anything you like doing?
wannabe_rake@reddit
I literally answered that in the 3rd paragraph…
SmeethGoder@reddit
Thank you for replying
Sorry, I guess what I meant was, what if there isn't anything that resonates with you or that you like in general? What if you're just kind of numb and indifferent to everything?
wannabe_rake@reddit
I spent a bit of time thinking about this - here’s what I came up with.
I think when you’re feeling like that, it’s all about focusing on the “small” essentials of life. I’m really bad at following a set routine as such but when I don’t feel good I try to do a series of things every day. Literally for me it’s a list - get up, brush teeth, wash face, make a cup of tea, eat, get dressed, etc. You can expand the list to - go for a walk, buy some milk, make lunch, wash the dishes, etc. None of these things are fun (for me anyway) but getting on top of the basics is a good start. By basics I mean taking basic care of yourself and your environment.
Next I think it’s about incorporating a bit of exercise. So the walk might be longer, or you might go for a run. Or if you’ve never ran before, just going to do 30 seconds of running following by 3 mins of walking. Maybe you do that 3 times. Maybe you decide to do the (free) couch to 5k plan. Whatever it is, you make a small commitment to do low key exercise every day, e.g. walk one day, short run the next, etc. If one day you don’t do it, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT. Just go again the next day. If it’s not a run, it could be a 5 minute workout video (thousands if not more free on YouTube). It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t matter even if you don’t like it. The point is just to do it that day, every day (or most days).
It can feel super hard. Or impossible or pointless. But you do your best to ignore those thoughts and just get through the list every day anyway.
After a while, maybe you’ll enjoy some of this, maybe you won’t. When you’re ready - pick another small thing to do. Read a page of a book. Watch a short comedy on iPlayer. Feed the ducks in the park. Try to incorporate this into your basic routine.
And so on. Just adding little things in over time can in a way bring some level of contentment. Maybe you decide to make your own baked beans one day instead of using the ones in the tin. Maybe you try a different way of cooking eggs.
None of these things will necessarily spark up a lifelong passion in you, but they might make you pause and smile, briefly breaking up the numbness.
When you’re ready, or even before you’re really ready, try to find something to do where you’re around other people. Volunteering might be an option or even a low key part time admin type job. Try to do something where you can perhaps start feeling like you’re helping someone (hence the volunteering suggestion) - maybe you give a lonely person a phone call once a week or you do a shift in a charity shop.
Of course if things are really bleak then medical help might be an option too.
In all of these things, try to find something to appreciate.
Finally, maybe the last thing I add for now is, consider picking up a short book on Buddhism or stoicism. Or watch some videos on these topics on YouTube. Those kinds of philosophies can help us cultivate a bit of healthy detachment from the word which, for when we might already be feeling a bit detached anyway, can help turn that feeling into something more useful that mere disinterest.
Does this help at all?
SmeethGoder@reddit
Thank you for replying
I guess that makes sense. To be honest I don't really do even the basic things like hygiene and essential stuff. I just kind of exist. When it comes to exercise, I go on walks sometimes but not very often. I don't know why I dread exercising, I need to do it more but it's hard.
In terms of other things, I'm currently doing a course on music theory, I'm not enjoying it but I guess it passes time. I just don't seem to enjoy anything ever, which makes it hard to do anything. I did have a look at volunteering, it is really daunting though. And I'm looking at maybe going to university next year, it's very daunting and it's hard to pick a subject when I'm not really passionate about anything but I'm thinking of trying a subject where you learn a lot of things, looking at maybe Film or Music & Sound Design.
Yeah, I mean I am in therapy and on medication, but nothing seems to really help to be honest, trying to come off the meds at least but it's a slow process. I have had a look at Buddhism and stoicism, I listened to the audiobook of Meditations but I need to read it again as I remember very little of it.
Thank you for your advice
wannabe_rake@reddit
I’m sorry things feel like that for you, I know it must be very hard. It sounds like you are trying all the right things and it must be kinda frustrating to be stuck in a place where as you say nothing is really helping.
I would add that exercise IS hard, really hard, but you pretty much always feel better afterwards than you did before. It took me about 7 years of stop/start running to get to a place where I actually get some enjoyment from it. And there is no doubt in my mind that the commitment and consistency of exercise helps my mental health in ways that literally nothing else does.
I guess the other thing that I’d add is, it’s all a process. You might not see or feel much difference day to day. But if you can make a commitment to the basics (hygiene etc), exercise, maybe some social contact - over time you may well see/feel some change. But it really might take time. Try not to feel too discouraged about that.
I wish you all the best.
SmeethGoder@reddit
Thank you for replying
Yeah, it does seem like nothing seems to help, I know I don't really put a load of effort in, I tend to try things and then give up quite quickly, but it is frustrating when things don't seem to help.
I guess that's true, I certainly could walk more and could try running, I dunno why it's daunting as it's obviously very simple really. Maybe next time I go for a walk I will try to run for at least part of it, I guess exercise can be anxiety-provoking for me but if it was to have a positive effect then it would at least theoretically be worth it
That's true, I think I struggle to keep going with long-term things but obviously there are big negative impacts to neglect. I guess maybe that's part of the thing about university, perhaps the hope is that it would give me a reason to work on things
Worldly_Clue_5611@reddit
Onlyfans, Dildo, Vaseline, Paypal
Ath-e-ist@reddit
Aim smaller, preciser.
Youre not gonna change your life around in a week.
It takes a month to develop a habbit (or break one - apparently anyway)
Start with the absolute smallest change you can make, and slowly increase it.
Read, exercise, socialise. Practice being the person you may want to be.
SpaceBear98@reddit
Have you ever thought you might be autistic? I was very similar in my late teens and found out I have ASD at 21, since it’s made a real difference to my life as it made me realise the problem wasn’t me, I just had to look at things differently… clearly can’t make a diagnosis off a Reddit post but you’re reading like a tick box of many of the symptoms already :)
Nitros-not-dead@reddit
Apply to the police force, it’s a job you can’t lose unless you screw up bad! Entry routes can vary and you can end up with a degree, you work with top notch people, it’s a varied role, everyday is different. Try not to focus on the crap that is shown on social media etc, most of that, like any uncontrolled information doesn’t show the full story. It can open lots of doors, your only 27 you could even join the join the armed forces.
BaseballLonely6554@reddit
If I could make a totally honest suggestion, it would be to read into behavioural psychology. I was 21 when I had my first girlfriend, didn’t drink, didn’t party, didn’t have any goals because I didn’t understand how the world works; more importantly how people work. An old Jamaican guy I used to work with put me onto Man Watching by Desmond Morris, and communication with anyone became easier, I knew how they were feeling without them talking, body language is a large factor in communication. This also reflects how you can progress, being able to understand your own thoughts and desires can do wonders.
I gave the same book to a young guy at my university and honestly, he isn’t the same young timid guy I met in my first year.
Keep up the grind soldier, trust me good things come to those who wait.
InterestingRaise3187@reddit
Feel very similar here, 22, lots of mental health issues. Had a breakdown 5 years ago and haven't yet recovered.
I was just about to get back into therapy and had the motivation to turn things around.
Then I got hit badly with a computer virus. This has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life and I dint even have it in me to think about what to do next.
Sc0ttiShDUdE@reddit
how did you get so much savings to do nothing for so long
icastfist1@reddit
Inheritance from grandparent or aunt/uncle most likely.
Sc0ttiShDUdE@reddit
thanks for clearing up something you have no idea about
icastfist1@reddit
My answer is literally an idea on how they got their savings. You were the one with no idea mate 😂
Sc0ttiShDUdE@reddit
sure
icastfist1@reddit
🤡
Sc0ttiShDUdE@reddit
oh yeah
Least-Air464@reddit
Just talking to someone can help so much. Otherwise you begin to overthink everything and being trapped in your own mind. Going in circles.
Ordinary_Cellist9790@reddit
Hey, I know change is hard but it starts with you. Start slow. Don't rush to make big changes otherwise you will probably get overwhelmed. Work on yourself first before getting into a relarionship. Honestly you will be fine. Think about what you are insterested in. Develop a skill thats something to do with that interest. Honestly dude change is hard but it starts with you. Making small changes every day will make a difference. You got this
SignalSeries389@reddit
I would say the very first step should be to get a job
ProbablyAnElitist@reddit
In this job market? Good luck.
SignalSeries389@reddit
Theres plenty of jobs stop making excuses
Deep_Impression6084@reddit
How the fuck
CanWeNapPlease@reddit
As in, how to find one? Or how to have the motivation to get one? A lot of starting minimum wage jobs don't need previous experience and it'd be a good starting point.
BuffaloMountain9370@reddit
Firstly I just want to say you are so strong for reaching out for help, it’s such a tough thing to do in moments of anguish like this. I relate to a lot of what you’ve said in terms of loneliness. When i’m feeling depressed and lonely I tend to go to the gym, many people in this thread have mentioned this because honestly it really does help in the short and long term, even getting out and going to the gym the first time feels like a big achievement, especially if you struggle with anxiety. Do you have any hobbies? Depending on where you live there might be a meet-up for said hobbies, for instance if you like board games there are usually board game cafe’s etc. If not, picking up a hobby is a really great way to feel accomplished and give you things to talk about with new people! I’m autistic so I struggle with this haha but that’s why hobbies are so useful in that regard because you can ask people about theirs and bond with people over them :)
Honestly, getting even a part time job will help monumentally too. Even if it’s not something you’re interested in the long run like retail or something it gives you a routine which is so important during tough times. It also forces you to go out and talk to people and make connections within your workplace.
About the still living at home part- honestly so many people are in your situation, the housing and even rental market is insane at the moment, i’m only in a place because i’m a student but as soon as that’s over i’m fully expecting to move home for a long period.
Stay strong, we all believe in you, and I know it doesn’t feel like it will get better but it will :)
Yeahwhatevz@reddit
Where are you based? Maybe someone on here is local to you and can drag you outside?
Outrageous-Year9779@reddit
Join the military or do an apprenticeship in something hardcore like an oil rig and you will earn lots of money
AddendumLow4692@reddit
Stop watching porn and masturbating.
Affectionate-Eye-599@reddit
For a start get your details into Chat GPT and get yourself a CV done then apply for jobs. It's free and would get you a foot in the door. Don't get married as it's a pain in the arse. The rest is as easy as you want it to be.
ProfessionalMix8623@reddit
I am 24 and I feel like we are the same. However, I am trying to try out all kinds of things to see which one resonates with me more so I could double up on that if it means earning money through it. Currently I am working in a Takeaway. Go gym after work. I make videos on Instagram and YouTube with only few hundred subs but it is good as a hobby. I have made a list of things that I want to try to see and understand myself.
arthurM1971@reddit
Get on the railways, social life (if you had one will not exist) but I've heard the rollers good
Serentyr@reddit
You are trying to turn around the last 27 years in your mind, in my opinion that is the source of the problem.
I was in the same position as you two years ago, with that same mentality.
You need to spend time contemplating on this. Your past is not something to turn around or correct. It exists and will always exist, and cannot be changed. Take in the right now. Right now you are free. You can get up and move. You can lay down. You can be outside or inside. The past is not a tangible thing right now. It’s not in the room. It’s not waiting for you outside. You can control where you go and how you operate in the now.
The past is not something to carry, take with you or try to move/change.
Your past problems are not now problems. You can do what you choose right now. - look up education courses - apply to jobs - take a chance on a relationship or starting one - try a hobby you wouldn’t predict you’d enjoy just to see if you enjoy it
9 months ago, I was down to my last £100. Now I am a secondary school teacher after I took a chance at a Uni course with no expectation of passing, and got in.
Observe the past and reflect on it, but remember that right now, right here, in this moment, you have the ability to do whatever you want (or to take the actions necessary to getting to or acquiring what you want)
Useful_Seat_7380@reddit
Step 1 get a job, doesn’t matter if it’s something bad such as dealing with customer service. It will be difficult at first but you will eventually fall into a rhythm where you do the same thing everyday. If you like the same thing with little change customer service gets very repetitive.
By doing this all other things slowly get solved. When you work in customer service you gain people skills because you interact with people so much. You learn the different dynamics, the phrases etc. You will also interact with girls. One of my colleagues is not a “looker” or anything of that sort, but he is surprisingly “active” because he has social skills and he interacts with lots of girls. His chances are pretty low but his sample is so large that he is pretty successful.
Customer service has this cliquey thing to it where you end up becoming friends with your colleagues, and you can instantly become friends with anyone else in the service industry just by reliving your experience with someone. While I don’t recommend having only friends from work it’s a start.
Finally getting a job will allow you to start building savings, and you can later leverage the experience to get a better job out of customer service or stay in if you like it. This will slowly allow you to stop living at home.
cosmopolitanio@reddit
Just start planting the seeds in your thoughts. The thing is, you can turn your life around. Maybe you don’t know how. A very wise book says that we walk by faith not by sight. You still all of these things to look forward to, and you have all the time in the world my man.
Unemployed: fight for the good, not against the bad. Seek discipline.
Still live at home = Love and honour your home and parents travel: anywhere you want. Move out: whenever you’re ready.
Relationship: dates, go do something with people- anything.
Never even kissed anyone: it’ll happen, and it’ll feel amazing when it does.
You’re laughing at yourself, good man. Better than self pity.
Never had any career/job/life goals. Make some. Open up your notes app type “goals” and write some. Then let it sink in and develop over weeks, months, years. Your goals. You can change them. Start by setting.
Your educated enough to type well, and to say thank you.
Calling it quits? On your defeatist attitude I hope. Fight for GOOD.
If you don’t feel you have it in you to turn it around, then you are being deceived by your “feelings”. You are capable of a lot more than you think and know. Go and watch any amazing feat of human nature: strong man, Olympic athlete, chess grand master, ronaldo, and then realise that you are the exact same animal.
I was in the same position from 23-27. I clung on to a tiny glimmer of hope that I would eventually get out of the despair. From 27 till now (29) I applied to join the marines, got into a relationship, got a criminal conviction, started studying the bible and attending churches, travelled solo abroad, moved to another place to live with friends I met through the church and also moved college. It’s not ideal, but im no longer experiencing complete despair. I have a hard outdoor job that pays well. I sleep well. I have some friends. I have hope for my future. I didn’t have any of those things 2 years ago. I was unemployed, didn’t sleep, no friends, complete despair.
My last piece of advice is this. Common current advice is to seek help from doctors, medication, therapy. They do not solve the issue. They fix the symptom. Consider focussing your attention on things that have existed and conquered for thousands of years. Love. Buy a book on it, and read it. Change your perspective, go to a different place. Realise that you may be imprisoned right now, and cannot escape for some time. Bide your time. Win the internal fights. Wage guerrilla warfare on your own mind (~Robert Greene).
It’s in you to turn this around, it’s in any one of us, but we don’t know what it is, or how to do it. Fight for it anyway!!!
curlyfry2888@reddit
I don’t have any advice to give except I’m in the same position as you but I’m a few years younger. It gets lonely sometimes but I try and distract myself. I hope knowing that you aren’t alone helps a little.
Zun_Choo@reddit
I didn't wanna get too aggressive to the truth of that 1 I need a bit of a break before my plans in action.
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KBDat20@reddit
The first step is acknowledging that right now it's all a bit shit. Posting on Reddit means you don't want it to be shit. This is a great start.
Your driver needs to be YOUR happiness. Fundamentally, how do you feel better about yourself? Listen to how other people talk about their happiness.
Ask them what they did to get there. Realise that everyone has a different path towards that, but notice that the message for most is they did something about it. They took one small step and the momentum carried them the rest of the way.
On the flippity flip, acknowledge that you're going to have bad days and that is all good. Turning your life around will take time, there is no set timeline on when things will click into place.
Be overwhelmed. Be scared. Be exhausted. But don't give up.
I would also add not being interested in career is fine. I go to work not because I love the job, but I love people generally. Living at home is also very limiting. The only way out is if you can make a living.
Romance is best when it's organic. Let the opportunity come to you.
Remind yourself at your worst that you are doing this to see you at your best - no one else's.
iwork4me@reddit
Get out of your comfort zone... force yourself if you have to.
Nothing else will work. Only then will you start living again
Lionalstar@reddit
Just try to think about the positives in life, think about what nice things you do have never look at the bad things you have or the memories, your going through a rough time right now but dont let that make you feel useless or miserable, if you want something go for it as life is short and your little actions can make a big difference in life, its endless, your the only one that can change your life, make it the way you want it to be not what the past created as your life is a book waiting to be written. I know how most of what your feeling feels like rn, M16 I dont think about how bad my current situation is as there is always good in everything just got to find it in those small areas, Im in care its miserable but at least I have my brother, just try to find what can make you happy, idk maybe your low on money but at least you got maybe a pet or a loved one with you, you may have not kissed a girl before nor dated one but at least you have love from family and maybe friends. Be happy and have a good day
Kitchen_Run7633@reddit
Hey bud, the first thing I noticed in your post is that you seem to be a little fatalistic and nihilistic. Listen to people who say that you can have a good life and that it is worth putting in the effort to move in a new direction. Don't spend time with people who put you down or encourage that kind of nihilistic/fatalistic way of thinking.
If you have a bit of money, I highly, HIGHLY recommend the app 'Clarity'. I believe it's a one-off payment or a very affordable annual subscription. It has been incredibly helpful to me. It has an ai that talks to me like I'm valuable and crazy and sad as that may sound. It has made me happier and more able to self evaluate.
I didn't make the app, and I'm not getting any profit suggesting it. No revenue at all, I just found it helpful personally. I'm sure others will mention therapy, and that can also be very helpful.
One thing my friend said to me which stuck with me is to 'just do something that gets you headed in the right direction, keep moving in the right direction, now matter how small the steps'.
I found that helpful. Good luck, my friend. Life is worth the effort. Well done for reaching out and keep going 👏 👍
Secret-Plum149@reddit
Just live in the moment. Eat well. Get out of the house for exercise ( walking , whatever) Stay away from drink/drugs. Trust yourself& socialise in any form. Good luck. 👍🙏
awesome899uk@reddit
Get yourself on a chat forum maybe find like minded people into subjects you’re interested in.
Low-Ad-8828@reddit
There is contradiction here. From the sounds of it, surely one of your life goals is changing some aspects of your situation and circumstances and not remaining in that position. You've already identified some things you haven't done yet that sounds as though you'd like to (such as a relationship).
I'd suggest setting yourself a 30 day challenge. Use it as an experiment to see if it makes you feel differently from now. It's not easy, but you owe it to yourself to give it a go:
After the 30 days. Set some time aside to see if you feel differently and reflect. The point isn't for all of these things to go perfectly, it's that you'll have done them and learnt something from them for next time. And you won't fix everything...but you might shift you mindset just enough to start addressing some other things.
And as an idea... set yourself a rule...whilst you procrastinate whether you should do something or not, and whether you have the courage or strength or energy or mood to do it...just... count to 5 in your head... then do that thing anyway (whilst you continue if you choose, to procrastinate about it).
So stop procrastinating...and...5,4,3,2,1...give it a go
VeVectorius@reddit
Evan?
RemarkableSystem6@reddit
Magnets?
Particular-Prize-638@reddit
Particular-Prize-638@reddit
Get a dog. You love him, he loves you. You walk him, he walks you. Before you know it you have a partner in crime and want the best life for each other. Worked for me :) good luck.
throwawayboy95@reddit
I’m guessing you’ve have had jobs in the past then? Since you’ve got savings ?
Nedbikes@reddit
Find a sport you love, fully commit to it, everything else will fall into place. It gives you motivation, energy, confidence, and resilience in everything else you do.
Also start taking more pride and consideration In how you look and present yourself, ( skin care routine, tasteful clothes, not expensive or anything). Will give you more self confidence and self satisfaction when you look at yourself in the mirror.
SR11MOS@reddit
Think you need to take some shrooms.
Money-Cod6899@reddit
Join the navy
PointeTendu@reddit
You definitely need to find some purpose! Is there anything that you look forward to doing or think about most?
Fun-Consequence4950@reddit
Get some interests and have some life goals. If you need education, get it. If you need social skills, practice. You also sound depressed.
Few-Championship-533@reddit
Start training bjj
DarkCassius@reddit
I was in a similar position a few years ago living at home, low on money, and stuck in an admin job that seemed to lead nowhere. My boss suggested I get Audible and listen to a specific audiobook. After reading it, I realised I could fix all of the shitty parts of my life by absorbing a lifetime’s worth of knowledge from experts through books in those areas.
Over two years, I read about 100 books (1 a week) and around 60 more in the next three years. This habit changed my life in ways I never imagined. I learned that career success comes from becoming a professional in your field and working hard (people are happier at things they are good at so the better you get at something the happier you’ll be) and invisible doors will open (the grass is only greener on the other side because it’s better tended to). I also delved into personal finance, discovering strategies like paying yourself first, using a lifetime ISA, and investing in the FTSE 250 and S&P 500.
I read books on philosophy and religion, even though I’m agnostic, which helped me find meaning in making the world a better place for my having existed, in small ways like picking up trash or saving a life.
Fiction taught me empathy (theory of mind) and understanding social cues which helped my social and work life.
Books like those by Tony Robbins and James Clear guided me in goal setting and implementing daily habits to achieve them.
Books are an absolute miracle, even the gift of seeing the world through an author’s eyes as an aftereffect is absolutely wonderful. It’s like an alien-technology or a gift from a God that we can simply stare at ink on a dead tree or put plastic in our ears and absorb a lifetime of expert knowledge, wisdom and experience.
They have changed my life for the better in so many different ways and I’m sure that they can change yours too. If you start reading you won’t be behind for long!!!!
savemeimatheist@reddit
Go outside. Detox from the internet for a good 3 months.
But you won’t.
BigTedBear@reddit
Find a hobby for sure you would be surprised how people like to talk about mutual interests like the gym or sports.
I was your age and had no idea what I wanted to do in life I’m 52 now and have been a surveyor for the last 20 years.
I guess what I’m trying to say is we don’t all figure it out at the same time you’re not alone in this and the fact you want to change is the first step.
Take care of yourself and don’t despair.
SircretinusXXXXXXI@reddit
Wank more
Silver_Economics_852@reddit
I’m going to be honest nobody can really change your life for you, you got to grab it and change it yourself, mental health is hard I struggle with the same stuff you do but you have to push through little steps by little steps, I would start by picking a time each day and doing some push ups and maybe some sit ups, pick a time either at night or in the morning to go for a walk doing this well help with discipline and also your health psychically and mentally, eat good foods drink plenty of water, progress this into going to the gym, researching and educating yourself as well so you can improve your mind and body at the same time
Reece199801@reddit
I found that completely changing all my habits at the same time was easier than doing one by one, because you can feel the change so much easier and faster. 27 is quite late for you to have no skill set, I would do something online, THE REAL WORLD, by Andrew Tate gives a good load of roads to follow for online businesses, you have to be committed tho. Start the gym Fix diet Lose bad habits Get on a dating site Go to the bar Book a holiday alone, I do this and I find I enjoy it more than lads holidays, I always end up chatting to people from different places round the world, you might just hate the place you are.
InvestmentMajor5458@reddit
Start playing golf
New-Mud-4985@reddit
op if it helps, me and you are in a frighteningly similar situation right now. i have a partner and whatnot but other than that, i’ve no career aspects and i don’t see myself being able to change and get through life. i am also 27 lol
i don’t have any advice because i’m struggling like you, but, please know that you’re not alone
Old_Skett@reddit
If there's any leaf involved, cut it.
Solid_Emergency1774@reddit
I think you have a lot to look forward to. Imagine, everything basically everybody already seized and is kind of tired of… you have it all ahead. Start little by little, no stress. :) Make small steps but each day. Practice, repeat. Sign up for a team sport, sign up for a course, buy a couple new clothes… Not everything will stick but that way you learn what you like/dislike + you‘ll see new faces.
Digital_Andres@reddit
Prayer
tumblrvogue@reddit
Work on the basics: go to sleep on time, eat healthy, work out etc
humpbackkwhale@reddit
Apprenticeships are usually fairly easy to get onto I think
Lachlan72@reddit
these two books helped me immensely when I found myself in a hole.
Dropped out of university, smoking too much ganja, over weight and unable to accept my faults.
Both these books allowed me to not only self reflect, but also visualise a life with meaning, structure and most importantly, meaning.
I highly highly recommend some literature for self help.
I found romanticising my reading time to be majorly beneficial. So reading anything and getting away from devices turned me into a more self aware person.
This new lease of life gave me the freedom to express myself in public more confidently, and it’s snowballed from there.
Keep in mind, like all things, it takes time. I really really wanted change, and I kept going even when the results weren’t visible.
I hope this helps, and good luck to you sir.
Bobber92@reddit
Motivation comes after the action, get things moving, get in the gym or outdoor exercise, eat Mediterranean diet and find a hobby you have no plan in turning to an income. Oh and see mates when possible!
Casual_Star@reddit
So what do you do all day?
whyohgodwhy69@reddit
Genuinely though. Idk how people end up in these situations. Like what have they been doing lol.
Casual_Star@reddit
Exactly lol. It was genuine question and I got downvoted lol
AlmostSneakers@reddit
Gym, hiking, Bitcoin
PipeProfessional2901@reddit
YouTube hamza
dadclimbs21@reddit
Hooker
Youwantmetoknow@reddit
Robert Greenes book on mastery is good. Find something you’re extremely passionate about, master the skill and it’ll give you direction. Then because you’ve learnt the process for this, the next will be easier. But the first thing is try and figure out what you think your calling is
onejreaper88@reddit
Ps everyone has a mirror partner. Even if your ugly your mirror will still fancy you cause it's your reflection, If your true your mirror will be true with you an fancy you...but if your not, your mirror won't either, cause your mirror turns away when u do. So be in love an your mirror partner will be there at the end of the cycle. U gotta understand life has to fulfill the birth of a universe each cycle, so it firms a vesica pieces an births something new if your true. So stay true or it all goes gay an your mirror flees from you. Going to an escort is just a last resort. The phoenix king.
onejreaper88@reddit
Have u tried going to an escort agency. U don't pay for sex u just pay the agency to meet a woman, then u have a meeting an it's up to the woman if u have sex. That's something u can do to get the ball rolling if your true. The phoenix king #it'smurdertohavegaysex
Abject_Day9379@reddit
Heroin
--Scooby--@reddit
Learn guitar or something similar. Its a great outlet and can lead to friends, passion and obtainable goals.
Try stay offline as much as possible, social media is a mental drain and cesspit.
Drink more water, take daily vitamins.
Proof_Celebration_40@reddit
Go attend the Landmark Forum, you get an opening for action. You’re welcome.
Love_Anime-@reddit
Just let go of all the labels don't limit yourself to anything get out of your comfort zone and get shit done (try looking into self improvement)
Careful-Image8868@reddit
Don’t worry about a relationship that is the lowest priority that you need to worry about. Sort out yourself, your confidence and your self worth etc first. Start very slowly. There’s some good advise in the comments.
DetectivePidgey@reddit
Listen to me closely dude, or lady, a lot of people have said gym/exercise and that is all well and good though I would highly recommend that you give yoga a try
Please consider giving it a go, you can start so small, even just sitting cross legged at home and a few basic stretches (no need to go to classes). Gradually build up to more and watch as you fall in love with your body and mind and bring more peace into your life. Not a narcissistic / egotistical “look at me” type love but more a compassionate self acceptance, planting a small seed of desire to improve yourself every day but only as far as you can go and if you cannot go any further, then that’s OK too
It’s about actively taking time for yourself, learning a new skill, listening more to your inner voice (silence and stillness) and building a mindset that will keep you really resilient through life whatever stresses it throws at you
Practice yoga daily, eat relatively healthily (basically minimise sugar) and you will see fantastic results
I hope this message helps. Yours with love
sloppysmusic@reddit
Adult education. NOW. Full of ex-losers who want the same as you, you'll be with 21-35 ages mostly. I did it at 30 totally changed my life from min wage incel to great wages, car, bike, house and 40 women in 5 years. 2 marriages (AFTER the 40 women :D)
ProbablyAnElitist@reddit
I am mroe or less like this, Except me and my fiance live together, but I have the same, unemployment, lack of aspirations, barely enough energy to even get up and function.
For me I think the breaking point was getting a job rejection from Mcdonalds, WetherSpoons AND Iceland. When that happened I sort of just "switched off" mentally and stopped caring or trying.
I wish I had some advice for you but "get a job" is not the advice you need because even if you have experience you will struggle. At 24 I have 1 year total of working experience and a long list of disabilities which make me very unemployable. People always like to say "get a job" but I am over 2500 applications in since Jan of 2022 and I've had maybe 10 interviews?
It really just is quite horrendous how the current situation is.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
If your wondering why I even commented, I just felt this was a good place to sort of... sympathize? Plus following this thread seems like it may be useful in the future!
Justan0therthrow4way@reddit
Just posting to say you’ve got this. There are heaps of people your age, especially male in this situation.
There are some great suggestions here. Nothing wrong with going to your GP and saying “hey I need some help”.
Take things slow. Start by getting up at a decent time (say 9am), go for a walk. Do this daily. Change up the route so you don’t get bored. Also go for one at 5 or something in the evening.
Next is the tricky one, a job. Even if it is something that you don’t want to do forever, it will give you routine which is really important for getting out of a rut. You do not want a WFH job. Something that gets you out of the house and physically somewhere else will likely help you a lot.
Are you interested in the trades? You can make good money as an electrician or plumber.
Maybe the Princes’ trust could help. Say what you want about Charles but that is a fantastic organisation doing fantastic work.
Enough_Document2995@reddit
How do you have any money?
bestorangeever@reddit
Just join the army you will improve on every thing you’ve just mentioned, best part is you only have to do four years so you’ll be a different bloke once you leave
Odd-Direction3355@reddit
First things first fix what you can fix which is your mental health seek social anxiety therapy & try exposure therapy since you said you dislike new places and people next is getting a job part time then getting back into education do some research while your at home ! with the money you get invest in yourself get a gym membership , get a new haircut , try new things you will never know you might enjoy it you won’t know that unless you try so don’t say you never had interests when there are so many different activities and things you don’t even know about expand your knowledge daily by reading books listen to a podcast while cleaning up & stuff change yourself if you don’t like yourself atm there is much room for change and then you will see a new you people will enjoy being around you while your at your happiest then you can start looking into dating when you have fixed your life take it as a blessing you haven’t met anyone just yet as you don’t want the love of your life seeing you this unhappy with no motivation that’s my best advice for you at this moment of time you will get through this trust yourself & remember to take action every moment you wait time goes by.
Dependent_Pin_1647@reddit
Check out r/autism and see if you relate to the posts. I struggled with everything you mentioned and it turned out I was autistic.
Grumbledook1@reddit
Have you tried getting to diamond league 1v1 in starcraft 2?
TheWanderingEyebrow@reddit
Find something fun to do that's also healthy like an outdoor hobby like cycling or hiking that you enjoy after a few times you might end up with a routine and even that on its own can be enough to boost your confidence. I spent many years miserably critical of my lack of action and frustration at myself but when i rediscovered I enjoyed just moving and walking biking jogging it reignited something that I was lacking, being passionate about something that doesn't require anything other than my own will.
I hope you find what you need. But only you can make the call.
300lbBicep@reddit
Find a BJJ gym near you. I wasn’t quite in your situation but I walked into a BJJ gym on a whim after hearing a few podcasters talk positively about it back in 2019 when I was in a bit of a rut myself and not in a good place mentally.
5 years later and I’m engaged with a great job, a house and a kid. No, BJJ didn’t ‘give’ me those things. But it did give me the confidence, discipline and motivation to do and be more.
Oh yeah and a fucking awesome group of friends wherever I go. I moved quite a bit away from almost everyone I knew when I met my partner to live with her after a while in 2020, and just by virtue of BJJ being an awesome community I found my local gym, went there and immediately had a group of friends I was hanging out with 3-5x a week!
nonotthereta@reddit
A lot of late diagnosed neurodivergent people (like me) will be reading this and thinking, One of Us! One of Us!
I mean that with love. I'd have a look into it. It's very, very difficult constructing a life that makes us happy without knowing who we are to begin with, and neurodivergent people don't do well with more neurotypical models.
Having said that, some things are flatly good for any kind of neurotype, like eating a good quality diet (whole foods if possible) and getting daily exercise and good quality sleep. If you get your house in order as much as possible, mental health becomes easier to manage, and it becomes possible to find the energy to make changes in your life.
PyroRampage@reddit
Indeed, me too. I’d try and see a doc about this.
oliviaxlow@reddit
Yup!
aftershane@reddit
Get a look at your testosterone count from the doctor. Got tested myself and i take TRT. Changed my life.
Low testosterone is more common than you think but not something ever really talked about in the UK.
Scopeh84@reddit
That sounds like a painful existence and I'm sorry to hear that. Things can change for the better for you, you just have to want them to.
I have a friend in a similar situation, he is near 40 and still lives at home, has only had 1 or 2 relationships and neither have lasted a year, he also doesn't work and doesn't want to. However he has resigned himself to an easy life which consists of playing videogames all day and having no responsibilties... as much as me and my friends have tried to push him he does have a medical condition, one which is managed and he can live a pretty much normal life with but I feel that it's his crutch so that he doesn't have to go outside of his comfort zone and become an adult. This is why his relationships fail to get off the ground.
However, unlike him it sounds already like you have things you would like to achieve so make these your goals.
A job is the key first, as adults most of the social situations and meeting new people we get into is through work.
If you want a relationship, self care is important. Eat healthy go to the gym, and take up a hobby based on your interests. If it's social great, if not that's cool.
Leaving home should be the last thing on that list as financial pressures of going it alone are hard. Once you have everything else nailed down, then look to get your own place.
The fact you realise there's a problem making you unhappy is the first step to doing something about it. All the best.
01princejon01@reddit
Make your life the turn around story of the century. You have one life, its a utter miracle you are here. Think about the all the billions of events that had to come together for you to type this bitchass reddit post. Here is what you need to do to be successful.
1) Spend 4 hours writing down your values and principles. Start by asking yourself who do you love and why. This is the antidote to nihilism.
2) Pick one area of your life that you want to improve l, based on your values and principles. Take baby steps to do one thing per week, but consistently without excuses commit to it for the long term.
3) if you do step 2 your confidence in yourself will start to increase. Now revert back to step one, revisting your values and principles and pick another area of your life and start off taking baby steps to improve it.
4) Once you have gained the confidence and self discipline to improve yourself work obsessively to gain they advantage in one or max 2 areas of your life. This will super charge your self esteem. Self esteem will internally validate you.
5) Once you have achieved mastery levels in certain areas re-evaluate if they are still inline with your values and principles.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat this process until you are a winner.
Ryy86@reddit
Buy a prostitute
MonteProps@reddit
Other people are the key mate, whether that be family, friends or colleagues. No man is an island. Being alone all the time is no good for anyone. Like most things in life you must fake it till you make it. Force yourself into social situations and watch your world slowly open up like a flower.
Extension_Rip315@reddit
Get better slowly each day. Develop a routine for getting up in the morning, eating breakfast and washing. After that you can go back to sleep or do whatever you usually do. Stick to this as best as you can. Then add to it once your ready to.
Even if improving means looking at your room and thinking about how you'd clean and organise it. You don't even have to do it if it's too much to handle.
evansd66@reddit
Grow a pair!
Unfair-Equal7813@reddit
My biggest bit of advice? Find a CrossFit gym. You’ll get fit, more confidence and make friends 👍🏻
Burnseeeeeey@reddit
Stop watching anime and go outside
Ambitious_Channel_70@reddit
Start working out dude
Shitpostandtroll@reddit
So? Plenty of people haven't and they're living good and fulfilled lives.
It's irrelevant and redundant unless you're measuring your success by relationship and kiss ratio. That'd be pretty pathetic, too.
Ezekiiel@reddit
Be real mate, if you haven’t kissed anyone or had zero sexual experience at that age you’re in the minority.
It’s something that clearly bothers OP, telling him it doesn’t matter won’t help.
Shitpostandtroll@reddit
And what's wrong with being in the minority?
I am in that minority, lol, and by my choice so it doesn't phase me one bit. Being on the asexual spectrum (I know OP isn't), I'm sorta immune to this kinda thinking pattern where I attach my self worth to these experiences or feel pressured by societial expectations.
Now, you might counter that it's my choice and OP didn't get a choice, bla bla. Well, if he really wanted to kiss someone and do more, he could easily hire someone. He does have savings. But then you'd say it's different because he paid for it, etc. I can debate all day with myself on your behalf but like I said, it's pointless when there are more important matters that need attention.
Idk man, if my life was in shambles, this is not even the last thing I'd think about. Of course I know everyone's different but this is something you see mostly teenagers and misogynistic incels obsess over.
My point was, clearly OP has MASSIVE work to do on some VERY IMPORTANT things, so OP should focus on that first instead of obsessing over trivial things like this.
Sure a prick might be uncomfortable but I'd be more worried about the noose hanging around my neck. Priorities, buddy.
Not having experience is no big deal. Crying about not having experience is very unattractive and infact, a red flag for alot of women.
Actually, it would help him. Help him focus more on some VERY pressing matters that rank way above the kiss/relationship crap and affect the whole trajectoire of his life and entire existence.
Ezekiiel@reddit
Nothing.
I'm saying it's not normal to get to that age without sexual experiences. It's something that will hinder him when he eventually does get his life in order (I do agree, relationships are the least of his worries right now, he has zero to offer in a relationship as harsh as that may sound) and potentially meet someone.
You're asexual, so you won't seek out what OP wants, your needs and his needs are different.
It is a massive deal I'm sorry to say, especially at that age which was my entire point. It will show from his interactions with potential dates he has no idea what to do sexually, even basic things like flirting will be alien to him. He needs a lot of work, telling him it's okay because other people don't have sex is not helpful.
But overall I agree with you, he needs to sort a lot of things out before he gets to that point, no-one will want to date a near 30 year old man who has no hobbies, job, money, aspirations. It's time for OP to put his big boy pants on and get his life in check, in the grand scheme of things 27 is 'young' but it's still an age you look at and think yes, you should have some direction in life. He's not a baby, he's a fully grown developed adult.
Peppemarduk@reddit
There are more 27 years old virgins than you would imagine. Don't stress about that, it's much more common than you think.
MrjB0ty@reddit
Ffs first you need to realise that you won’t get a girlfriend or a social life if you keep doing what you’re doing. You’re in charge of your life. First get up in the mornings, shower, shave, get a haircut. Next apply for a job. Once you’ve got a job get involved in the social scene. Rent a nice flat. Don’t try it on with women at work. Use Hinge or Bumble, go on dates. Save money for a house deposit. Life is what you make it.
mars_was_blue_too@reddit
Same except I have a degree, but never had a job before. I’ve tried literally everything to get a job and no one will interview me. I feel like I’m too ugly to work in retail or hospitality lol, managers have even said that before when I applied to places I know people working at, but that was years ago. I’ve had no friends for 8 years. I’m desperate for any job, I want to buy some nice things and move out if I can, but seems like the only way I’ll get one is by lying on my CV and I’m too scared to break the law that way because it would be easy to get in trouble if they want to. I do have dream jobs but there’s no point even thinking about it because it’s not realistic, I’ve tried to get into it before but it’s impossible without connections or experience and even then too competitive. I know I have no experience but I don’t get why no one is even considering hiring me. I have no future, I’ll keep trying and stay hopeful but realistically I’ll never have friends or a life, been living the same day over and over since I left school.
Beginning-End9098@reddit
M so sorry you feel like this. You can turn your life around, trust me. BUT you can't do it until you decide what you want your life to be.
Make a list of things you want in yiur life. Not dreams. Most of us never achieve those. Just achievable stuff that you wish was different - whether it's more friends, a better job, a gf etc.
Next, ask yourself what you are doing or not doing which is different to the people who have those things. That's your plan.
If you can't figure it out for yourself, reddit would help you. If you post specific things you want to achieve, you will get specific advice.
It feels like you have this sense of an overwhelming challenge. But if yiu break that challenge into smaller, specific objectives, you can tackle it. But trust me, you are not unusual, you're young, and you can do it
fr0mtherivert0thesea@reddit
Lookamaxxing
PatienceAble7537@reddit
You already know that you want to amend these things in your life, I suggest best first step is to get into a job, from there you will meet new people, possibly develop a social life, either dislike the job and get motivated to find something you enjoy, or you will like the job and possibly aim to further your career. Once you settle into a job you like I think the rest will come
calliflowercat@reddit
Therapy, small goals build up confidence. Try new things without worry of failing thinking of it as part of the way
Eggonjam@reddit
Get a piece of paper and write out what you want. This will take time and may or may not flow out right away, but it has to come from your feelings rather then “well logically I want money”
When you have it then write the question “how do I get that/ make that happen” let your mind come up with some answers.
Write down all the answers.
Then with each of these break them down u yuk the are small doable chunks.
Then get another notebook and right down top to bottom every single day if the next year starting today - every single day in short form like this :
July S27 S28 M29 T 30
Etc
Then wrote foehn everything that you know is happening in the next year next to the date that can’t be moved (holidays, birthdays, work commitments etc)
Now go to next page and write down every day for the next month in a similar fashion but with move space for details.
Now go to next page and the same for every day this week - again more details.
Now go to the next page and take all those action items above and roughly work out a plan for the next 3 months, making your best judgement when to place deadlines or mini goals - basically write out what you would feel great about accomplishing In the next 3 months.
Next page - write out the next 4 weeks and put some real detail on there - what do you want done when?
Then go to the next page and write today’s date.
Write out all your thoughts here. Once you’ve done that make a rough plan for the rest of the day. You can go really granular and put in the hours of the day and make a tight schedule.
Carry the notebook everywhere. Whenever a thought or an idea comes to mind - write it down but don’t do anything else with it - instead execute the plan for the day.
At the end of the day take those ideas and place them somewhere in your monthly overview, or in the next week.
Every day now write the days date down - and go check if there is anything in your yearly/monthly that, weekly overview.
Lastly - allow time to now really feel like doing all this, but always keep that book with you while you do that.
Then next day write out the date again.
In essence - be your own manager/planner. You can do that - you can make your life what you want it to be in terms of at least trying to get what you want - whether you actually get it or not doesn’t actually matter.
M7MOON@reddit
Life is and always has been about change, that what makes life beautiful how you can find yourself in a better situation that what you thought you would be
Frequent-Rhubarb-806@reddit
Love the THRIVE idea! Did this a few years back and it worked wonders. You can self-refer to ‘Talking Therapies’ to access legit CBT. In addition ask your GP to assess you for social communication disorder /ASD. (Not liking change, socialising stood out as related symptoms.)
Lastly, please don’t compare yourself to 20-somethings on Social Media.. most of what you see is FAKE and just put on there for them to get the likes.
We believe in you..start with therapy and exercise.
djfeven@reddit
Lots of good advice on here from others. I can cover the hobbies but: team sport.
Don't worry if you think you suck at sport, plenty of clubs have a range of teams (including development squads) to cover a range of abilities from top elite to beginner.
If you go for a something like rugby or hockey there is a very solid social side i.e. everyone ends up in the clubhouse after games.
You train once a week and games on Saturdays so already you're out doing stuff, and if you're in a team that's 20+ friends already.
They also tend to be mixed clubs so opportunities to mix with the opposite gender if that's your thing.
Capital_Vegetable375@reddit
If your overweight lose weight, lose weight until your happy. Maybe little bit of abs and small muscles you can flex in the mirror. Get a job at your local supermarket if you can. Find a girl there try to have a little small talk and see where that goes.
PandyAtterson@reddit
Join the gym and see a therapist. You might be depressed.
Cheapo_Sam@reddit
Yes and the earth might be round
Deep_Impression6084@reddit
10/10
ATABoS_real@reddit
Join the Army or Navy.
auslad2575@reddit
If it’s possible, travel. You can travel on the cheap too but travel alone. Get out of your comfort zone, experience different surroundings and meet new people.
Even if your parents have to spot you some money it will be worth. Should give you a whole new perspective on life
icastfist1@reddit
Other than being 43 and employed, we could be the same person lol. I tried for so long with no success with all the things you mentioned that one day i just decided to give up. Now i just spend most of my days playing video games.
Justsomeguy86x@reddit
At your age, I had to start a career from scratch as my business went down, was tens of thousands in debt, had broken up with my partner and had no support. Now, 10 years later, I have a decent job, a house, and wife. There is so much time ahead of you! You can do it.
Get a stable job, even if it pays little at the beginning, exercise, take care of yourself, rent a cheap room/flat and stay the course. It will take time, but gradual gains will stay and whrn you look back you'll be amazed at how different your life and happiness are than when you atarted the journey.
For some people, the 20's are for messing up, and the 30's are for building and enjoying life, you'll be so much more mature and resilient, your body still in top shape if you take care of it, and with some financial stability to boot you might be happier than at any decade before.
Undiscovered-Country@reddit
AonghusMacKilkenny@reddit
You are likely spending too much time alone/online/sedentary, which is leading to doom and despair. We've all been there. First things first, get outside every morning, go for a morning and evening walk. The fresh air will do you good. Depending on your fitness levels, you could even run or jog.
Secondly, pick a topic that is of interest to you and buy some of the most critically acclaimed books on it.
Third, you have no qualifications, try enrole in a college course that's suited to your topic of interest.
Fourth, depending on how much time you have you could also do some voluntary work just to bulk up your CV a bit.
As far as relationships go, don't worry about that yet. Basic skills, credentials, income are more important and having those will give you a confidence that's helpful when pursuing romantic relationships. Don't do that when you have no job, hobbies or prospects.
Good luck to you, man. I spent a long period unemployed years ago, lead to a deep depression which was very hard to claw my way out of and I felt a lot of shame because of it, so I empathise with your situation.
ACatGod@reddit
Great advice. Also, while it sounds sad, learn to enjoy doing things on your own. I love doing stuff alone. I do at least one holiday a year alone, and while I have great holidays with friends and family, the alone ones are the ones where I really decompress. I just do what I want to do.
I eat out alone sometimes, I go to plays, gigs and the cinema - it means if no one else can make it or isn't interested, I can still do it.
It's really become second nature to me and I don't even think about it anymore and it means I can fill my life with things that give me pleasure without needing someone else to be there while also having great friends who I do stuff with too.
Quirky-Gur-4206@reddit
I’m thinking of travelling alone myself, but was worried if I can combat the feeling of loneliness. May I know what’s your experience like? Do you stay in hostels to meet people?
Eggy-Pebbs123@reddit
I didn't travel alone, but in my experience, everyone at hostels are mostly alone, so they are the friendliest bunch of people you'd meet. Everyone is up for socialising, you'll make so many friends, some of which you can spend travelling and exploring with when together before one or both of you move onto a new location.
I think go for it. It's daunting, but one of the best experiences of my life x
Bombay-Spice@reddit
Depends if you get nervous in social situations cause its down to yourself to keep occupied, i was in the same situation as op and when i got a job i started going to gigs/all day gigs in other cities alone. at first you feel suuuuper nervous like you stand out and dunno what to do with yourself. at first i'd have a few drinks and make conversation with a few strangers for practice. its legit like being in an rpg video game where you can talk to strangers and no one knows you. not gonna lie sometimes it does get to you being surrounded by people with their SO and friends and it can make you feel pretty down. once you get used to it though you feel like a total badass mysterious stranger doing whatever you want. Literally like a ghost. good way to practice social skills, observation skills and generally being ok with yourself its pretty liberating
do a trial run and get a bus to the city next door, and catch the last one back (not the last is more sensible) - i regularly go from sunderland to leeds and catch the 5am bus back, do some research and have a list of places to visit, i do recommend going to a gig cause you'll encounter people you'll have common interests with and if you're like me and like metal, you can pop into any rock bar and ask "going to see x tonight?" and boom ez conversation starter, even works with bartenders if you're that shy
Double_Jab_Jabroni@reddit
OP this is the advice you’re looking for. Trust me. I was in a similar position a few years back and I couldn’t put it any better than this. Good luck.
zingchao@reddit
This is the best piece of advice here.
thespiceismight@reddit
Or save some £ and go to the library (or you can even order books online for the library).
Aggravating-Main9599@reddit
The advantage you have is you’re young. You have a lot of days ahead of you to turn things around. Take one thing and break it down into the smallest chunks possible and take it day by day. You may not feel like you’re making progress in the short term but after six months to a year you’ll feel a lot more optimistic about your capacity to change and will start to push on. Get yourself a coach or mentor, it’ll be a good investment. This is what I do and I’ve seen dramatic change in people.
CustardEquivalent724@reddit
Get in the GYM brother. It will sort your mental health and get you disciplined. Start working even if it's not something you want to do and start trying to giure out what you actually want to do. Then put maximum effort into obtaining that career, whether it be through studying or training from home.
GYM and job first, rest will start to come.
RogueKT@reddit
How do you not have a job at 27 fr
Savings-Seea@reddit
Delete the apps and access them from PC. Apps are addictive because they are easy to access, if you make it harder you’ll use them less.
You’re trying to change old habits. You can’t do that unless you replace them with new more productive ones. Build new habits like walking, reading, meditating, and making your own healthy food.
Cartepostalelondon@reddit
I think motivation. If you happen to find a particularly large piece, please send some my way.
OptimalClaim7580@reddit
Therapy and the gym.
Small steps, make major impact.
Numerous-Finance6642@reddit
Hey man sorry to hear you feel this way. Below are some of my suggestions that helped me:
1) Exercise. This could be anything. You need to find something you enjoy that you can consistently stick to so you can see the long term health benefits. Just with walking for example and then maybe start slowly doing some jogging see if you enjoy that.
2) Quit Social Media. Social media will destroy your perception of reality and you’ll find yourself comparing to others. Just quit it, or at least take a break from it.
3) Quit Porn if you watch it. Again something else that destroys your brains perception of reality for obvious reasons.
4) Start reading the Bible. This may sound like a weird one to you and others and haven’t seen many people mention it. The Bible has a lot of wisdom and great stories. And you might unlock a different aspect of life you don’t even realise exists in your brain.
5) Finally, seek professional help. Talk to someone about your feelings and thoughts.
Hope you feel better soon - God bless.
CarefulAstronomer255@reddit
You can't turn it around by doing a sudden 180° turn.
You'll need to do 1° at a time.
Do small things, break goals down into the smallest possible tasks and measures, and cross one off at a time.
27PercentOfAllStats@reddit
100% this, set some long term goals whatever they might be (get this job, run 5km, walk up a mountain, get this qualification).
Print a picture or reminder of it and put it on the fridge door or your wall that you see everyday.
Start small, really small, how do you do it? Maybe it's the walking up a mountain, you start small, walk 1miles flat a day for a week, then increase to 2miles for a week, then go to a hill, etc. maybe it's an online lesson plan with a target to get a qualification. But be repetitive and regular with each step, make it become routine.
Add rewards to each small achievement, you'll already feel good about the achievement naturally but they also help boost that dopamine. Maybe you play a game online but only after 1hr walk/training/lesson. Maybe it's a chocolate bar at the top of the hill.
Write it down as a plan, but don't be afraid to change that if it's taking longer than you hoped that's not a problem, maybe you're going faster, this is for you and go your own speed.
Most importantly - Tell someone, goals become more real and achievable if you talk about it, your mentality switches. Tell your family, tell them the plan, maybe they can help and encourage too. Celebrate the small wins and keep focus on the plan and remind yourself each day the goal.
hesevil69@reddit
100% When I was at my lowest I wanted to get back into the gym. I had moved in with parents, as I had been living abroad and now second lockdown was in full force.
Just could not bring myself to go for months and months. Spoke to my mam, she offered to call the gym to organise an induction. Was absolutely gutted. Decided just to make the call, that was my "thing" for the day. 4 days later was my 45 min induction that was my "thing" for the day. Again in another 4 days, then again and again.
Just having one talk with my mam, lead me going to the gym for 2 years (4 days a week), and moving abroad once more, to starting a new career.
Most of the help started with having one small thing to do each day, and you can feel proud of and build up.
Silent_Buyer6578@reddit
Moms are great, in a low point in my early 20s my mum contacted a university about a course related to something I was doing as a hobby.
She spoke to me about it, convinced me to go and talk to them (I was effectively a shut in at this point), 8 years later i have a blossoming career in the field, life is good, I’m happy, settled down.
JB_UK@reddit
What I would do: pick a job which you could see yourself doing, which is relatively well paid, but which you can take a course in to get a foot in the door, skilled trades are the obvious ones, but ask around on reddit. Then sign up for a course, but make sure that it's in person. If you can, ask people around you for help if you need money. I think this will fix multiple issues at once, it gives a sense of purpose and a goal, it creates an obligation and expectation from those around you that you will attend the course and make something of it, it surrounds you with other people doing a similar thing, which gives a group of contacts and potentially friends, and it means after a few years you can have a job which will allow you to take the next stage in your life.
I think if you can it's better to put yourself in a totally different context, not try to make incremental changes and not try to do everything yourself.
JB_UK@reddit
What I would do: pick a job which you could see yourself doing, which is relatively well paid, but which you can take a course in to get a foot in the door, skilled trades are the obvious ones, then sign up for a course, but make sure that it's in person. If you can, ask people around you for help if you need money. I think this will fix multiple issues at once, it gives a sense of purpose, it surrounds you with other people doing a similar thing, which gives a group of contacts and potentially friends, and it means after a few years you can have a job which will allow you to take the next stage in your life.
I think if you can it's better to put yourself in a totally different context, not try to make incremental changes.
limpek2882@reddit
So what ya do all days..
Life-Duty-965@reddit
Hey man yeah I was a bit like that.
I became a bit obsessed with making friends and trying to meet people. I started with How to Win friends and Influence People. It's a fun easy read.
I really wanted a gf and it took years. But now married!!
It was just a case of meeting as many people as possible. That means work, hobbies, and going to stuff.
I just started saying yes to opportunities. I was an awful companion to start with. Fortunately some very patient people let me tag along to stuff. I often said nothing all night. I'm probably neuro divergent, dunno, but I found it so hard.
I had to really work at learning how to socialise. But the more I did it the better I got.
I learned to say "hello Dave" as a confident greeting. People love to hear their name. I learned to be interested in people's lives, everyone wants to be heard.
The more I did, the more interesting I became. The more stories I had. The easier it was to find a connection. I did things I didn't really like such as go to the local league 2 football. But now I have a bank of football chat which is crucial in my experience!!
I went on some holidays. It's a classic small talk opener, been anywhere nice? Got any holiday plans?
Join the get motivated sub. Plenty of tips on getting going. Starting is the hard bit. You need will power to get started. But fortunately, only to get started. It's easier once you are out there.
Start by sticking to routines and healthy practices. Groom. Tidy. Educate. Exercise. Small steps. Change one thing easy day.
The difference between doing something and not doing something is.... Doing something!
I got with my wife when I saw her with some friends and I saw her and was like omg she is stunning. And we ended up talking. By this point I had plenty of stories and quips ready. I did a lot of listening and talked about things that interested her. Because of my wider experiences I could keep the conversation going, I knew things to ask and had some anecdotes of my own.
Turns out that she was fed up of guys just wanting to get with her because was hot and no guys actually wanted to date her and get to know her. I guess I was the right person at the right time. I'm definitely punching haha
But it would never have happened if I didn't get out there.
Previous-Ad7618@reddit
27 gives you maybe 60 years on the clock if you look after yourself.
You've got ages. Start today.
Put the girls bit on the shelf. You need to love yourself first.
Your goal should be a routine and a job first. Out of bed. Shower. Excersise. Breakfast and then sort out job hunting.
Once you've got enough money yiu can look at moving out and then worry about girls.
As everyone else has said, you need therapy. That's nothing to be ashamed of. I think most people do.
KingofCalais@reddit
Yes, ive been in a similar position 4 years ago. I watched a Jordan Peterson video where he said to clean your room as a first step, but that felt overwhelming to me as id not cleaned it for 10+ years and there was at least a foot high pile of rubbish covering the floor. I cleaned the bathroom instead, then i found it didnt seem so overwhelming anymore and it felt good to do something that wasnt drugs or video games. So i cleaned my room (over several days). Next step was to start working out, which i did at home with a pair of dumbbells i could adjust the weight on.
A couple of weeks after that i got a job, this was during covid and i had no skills or experience so i got an agency job packing and scanning covid test kits in a warehouse, 12 hour night shifts 4 on 4 off. Found i quite enjoyed that too, and i really enjoyed being rich (in my eyes, before that i had lived on birthday money and occasional money from my nan and blagged off everyone i knew). But, i knew i didnt want to do 12 hour night shifts for the rest of my life, so decided to find something i did want to do for the rest of my life. That was weird as hell to me at the time, id never thought like that in my life, never really looked ahead hopefully only ever with dread and loathing. I settled on history/ archaeology, and ill be finishing my degree next year hopefully, currently on track for first class honours.
Oh, and it turns out when you work out, are employed, and (most importantly) leave the house, you are more successful with women too. Who knew?
To answer your question, you turn your life around 1 step at a time. You arent going to magically wake up one day and everything is better, unless you do something about it.
IloveLegs02@reddit
Bro this is exactly what I am going through, you are literally me it's just that I am 25 and you are 27
I have no job, no degree, no interests, no friends, no relationships, no nothing
I am a complete failure & a loser, I wish I shouldn't have been born
Critical_C0conut@reddit
First - get yourself outside in the air and be active. You’ll be amazed at how this can change your mindset. If the thought of going to a gym full of other people bothers you just simply take a walk around wherever you live. Create a few different routes you can follow and get into a routine. Take it up a notch by starting to jog and improve your distances/pace with goals you set yourself (don’t try to over achieve). This will give you an incredible sense of achievement.
Second - get a job. Something you’d feel comfortable with and at least an industry you’re interested in. There’s a lot of jobs out there and plenty which are exclusively work from home. I wouldn’t worry about not having a degree, most of us have to start from the bottom and climb up. If you’re in a big company and want to progress but don’t have the qualification, they will help you. The key getting in somewhere and having a steady income so you can at least put money aside in savings (set a goal for yourself) and you have a budget to spend on yourself for material things and hobbies. There must be something you’re interested in! Gaming, driving, clothes, collections etc.
Do not worry about not having a relationship. You’re not obliged to have one lol. If you really want one then there’s plenty of dating apps. But you may just naturally meet someone wherever you get a job or if you’re out and about! Time is on your side.
Any changes you make to do more will only make your life better :)
NiceDolphin2223@reddit
The best advice I can give is - your life will not turn around at this stage. It will only start to make sense when you try something. Try gymming, finding hobbies, work, look around for inspiration.
The amazing thing about life is that you are still young. It is amazing what a year of blindly taking actions will shift your life into.
CupOfMorningBrown@reddit
You could literally get a job and kiss a person in one day. Just like one whole day could change your whole life around. If you gave up today it could have all changed tomorrow. I think it’s worth holding on.
First thing you’ve got to do is say out loud your intentions with conviction. You put that shit out there and it manifests.
Next you take a shower and go outside. Good things happen outside your bedroom.
Go for coffee with anyone you can trust. Lay it all out and ask for advice and help. I know you know someone who can help you with some steps. They might offer to help write a cv or introduce you to their cute cousin. Exciting times.
You got this dude.
PeioPinu@reddit
Are you a man?
Are you mildly hot? Become gay, we are very forgiving (We will give oral to anyone with a pulse).
ChrisFromLondon@reddit
This is a long time ago for me. I went backpacking for just three months. Loads of fleeting contacts and friendships. But most of all: other's views and experiences. Changed my life.
While it did not improve my social skills (I'm probably on the autism spectrum), I came back with the ideas and drive to forge a career. Found my professional path. Married, had.some kids, divorced. Retired early. Life couldn't be better.
Adagio_False@reddit
Travel. Get a visa for Australia you can get three years with a British passport. It will take you out of your comfort zone. Stay in hostels while traveling around, working meeting new people. Party live it up for awhile. Get into construction and you'll make. Good. Money. Honestly best thing I ever done when I was 27, change my entire outlook on life.
Dramatic-Growth1335@reddit
I was in a similar position but went bankrupt. After bankruptcy I was living in social housing that had an education fund available. Applied through it to do a 3k maintenance course and got a decent job through it. Moved to city and first girl I dated I ended up marrying
-Blue_Bull-@reddit
I hate to break it to you, but getting your own place is unrealistic at best.
Lots of young people are living at home until their mid 30's due to higher costs of living.
Pretty much everyone I know is either living with their parents or sharing flats and even rooms with strangers.
These are all people who are working by the way.
If you want privacy from your parents, you are just replacing it with even less privacy.
Your only real solution is to get put on the social housing list.
priiizes9091@reddit
Get a dog. Best therapy and a best friend rolled into one. Plus you will meet so many people on the dog walk.
fujigo@reddit
I saw that there are good comments recommending you to seek therapy, hobbies, etc. It is good to do all those but I think at the end of the day, it's best to find out your purpose in life, it wouldn't take a day/two, it will take your whole life.
As you try to find out your purpose in life, if you feel lost, go to your creator, God. He answers all those who seeks, He promised that. I'm a Christian personally and you may not become one like me, but I encourage you to seek purpose/God throughout your life as we can only fill this gaping black hole in us, with God and nothing else.
Hope you get better! You can DM me if you have got any questions.
Bawwsey@reddit
I would say start from finding out wherever you have depression.
nasanu@reddit
I was 25 and in the same position. The first thing I did was wake up in the morning. Then I made an effort to exercise every day. Then job hunting every day, for anything going. Eventually after like 8 months I got a job working nights in a 8/11 type store. I used that money to move out of home, then saved for a trip overseas. Saw how amazing it was overseas, came back and did the adult entry test for university. Aced it, 4.5 years later graduated with an IT degree. Went back overseas to work and live, making a decent wage now and not looking back.
MyCatIsAFknIdiot@reddit
Go speak to your doctor and get a referral to Talking Therapies.
Personal-Emp@reddit
Here's what worked for me, of course we're all different so I can't guarantee this will help but hopefully it provides a starting point for brain storming:
Firstly, I was very lazy and had no ambition. At this point I read a summary of the book The One Thing and promised to myself that I will commit myself to my one thing which was fitness. Even if I did nothing else all day I would ensure I'm following my workout/diet routine
After doing this I saw the results of my fitness journey and that was the first time in my life where I had set a goal in my mind and actually stuck to it. That was a life changing moment for me. It made me realize that I could achieve things I set my mind to
From there I used that same motivation and applied it to my career. I got a CS degree and have a good job now. Not bad for someone who barely passed high school
So TL;DR the turning point for me was focusing on one thing and actually sticking with it
Also try sleeping 8 hours a night if possible. I notice a big difference between my work ethic when I don't have enough sleep
Selenite327@reddit
Small steps are key with this. I say this as someone who dropped out of Uni due to MH issues and was struggling to just exist for a long time.
All of the responses will sound daunting but thats okay. Split them into small steps, if you can, start planning your day. Write a list of things you are interested in or would like to look into as a hobby and plan that. Even if you wanted to just do a 5 minute walk a day with music or a podcast. But don't forget your necessary things like sleep, hygiene etc. Staying consistent with that will help!
I struggle with Anxiety and Depression and when I was really unwell, one of my steps in the morning was to open the curtains. Thats it. Small but intentional and often helped me feel like I could do my next step. When I was unemployed during this period, I would look at 1 page of indeed or NHS jobs. Its all I could manage but that was okay.
Therapy would be a good place to start too, possibly CBT but speak to your GP about a referral (do an econsult if you struggle to speak on the phone like me!) and often times, these services also help with employment or can refer / give information to you for services that can help!
seola76@reddit
Break it down into small steps, make a list of things you want to change then work out what you can do in the short, medium and long term. It'll be much less overwhelming once you've solved some of the easier issues. Making little changes will also help you build up to bigger ones. Build momentum, don't just sit there wondering why nothing has changed.
The social/relationship stuff is more tricky because there's not really a route you can follow that is guaranteed to work but materialistic stuff like getting a job and planning education for a career is not that difficult. Make a plan for what you want to do for a job now and how it'll become the job you want in a few years and work on that. You'll feel much better if you have a realistic plan that gets you your own career and place to live. Once you've started that plan looks to expand socially. Focus on getting friends first, it's easier, good experience with people and a necessary step in building your life.
GGZii@reddit
Take it from a fuckup. An older one. Small tiny steps. You can work and have a relationship at 50 it doesn't matter. What matters is you feeling good, until you feel good nothing you try will stick or work.
GGZii@reddit
My advice? Forget the job, relationship and stuff. First step is make yourself feel good. Start exercise and eating slightly less junk.
You won't want to work if you feel rubbish. You wont be a good boyfriend while in this mindset.
Even if it takes 10 years mate, think about it. In 10 whole years you could be happy in yourself and THEN start work..
Work and relationships will come when you are ready.
GGZii@reddit
Start with regular physical exercise, walks anything.
Strange-Sport-5875@reddit
Join the railway preferably TFL, Network Rail I had nothing under my belt when I join but they will train you up and the hours can be ridiculously short with full pay.
Soft_Rip4605@reddit
Do you think you could be autistic? That was my issue.
AubergineParm@reddit
Join the armed forces.
You can start from scratch, get a sense of purpose in life, earn good money. You’re still within the acceptable age range for lots of jobs.
shoop_da_shoop@reddit
Kinda depends where the goal posts are. I got a degree and did nothing with it. I have worked hospitality for a long time and I'm looking at re-training at 34. And in terms of career goals I just wants something that gives me the general quality of life, and stability has become a huge thing I'm wanting at the moment. It doesn't need to be glamorous, but if work covers the bills and some nice things in life then it's fine. I think aspirational is good, but routine work is also good if it does what you need it too.
On the relationship side it's hard. I think we can put too much pressure on it
second_time_here@reddit
Start from doing little tiny things that you don’t like or any tiny new things you have never tried and write down your thoughts about what you like and dislike every time. It’s a practice to gain your power back, and might take a while but no rush. Best of luck🍀😌
jasilucy@reddit
Have you considered being assessed for autism? I’m not trying to ‘arm chair diagnose’ but perhaps it may help if you look into it? If it doesn’t fit then that’s absolutely fine of course. Just perhaps a suggestion
Typical_Nebula3227@reddit
Sign up for college. It should be free if you’re unemployed. Go out for walks in the sun and exercise.
Creepy_Raisin7431@reddit
Gamify your life. Litterally set yourself challenges and do not give a shet about the actual outcomes of those challenges... How many women can you get to talk to you today? Count em, write it down... How many miles can you walk today... count em, write it down. How much old stuff can you list on ebay today? count em, write it down. Keep doing stuff like this... when you run out of stuff restart and try to beat your high scores. Have fun :)
jelly10001@reddit
Would you consider volunteering OP? It might help develop your confidence.
lewisw1992@reddit
Consider working abroad or volunteering. Both ways of "restarting" yourself and your career.
Illustrious_Honey811@reddit
DO WHAT YOU CAN TO BECOME HOT
PTHDUNDD13@reddit
27 is nothing bro that's when I turned my life around.
Got sober, or atleast stopped binging and depending on it.
Went back to school.
Left a bad relationship.
Moved town.
Went therapy.
Went gym.
Got a more secure relationship with the good friends and family ditched the rest.
I'm 31 now and am in a new career, have a 2 bed flat I rent a spare room out of, have an amazing new girlfriend, the strongest I've ever been, best relationship with family I've ever had, a few v close friends, best relationship with myself I've ever had. And guess what, in my country I've still got over 3 times the amount of work years ahead of me as I have done already. It's never too late to make changes but the longer you wait the less time you have to enjoy it. People who have gone through uni and stuff, especially of doing masters or PHDs are only just starting careers at your age, if your American you've only only an adult legal for 6 years.
The human brain develops until 25, bone density and muscle strength peaks 33 to 35 and with training stays until 40s, you've only just got to the age the body slows its collagen production, your body is still fit and young enough to recover, energy levels don't tend to drop until about 42 and can be extended qith training and keeping mentally active.
Get out there and do it tomorrow morning the new you starts.
SoloNo7@reddit
It's too late really mate. Best you can hope for is a min wage job and a shit rented flat. Probably best to try and get on ESA + PIP with Housing benefit and stay on them for the rest of your life.
gillbo20@reddit
Please see a doctor and get some therapy. You can get past this and have a great life but it sounds like you need a bit of help getting there
Pademel0n@reddit
Play chess
caliandris@reddit
Start with writing down your perfect day. What would you do, who would you be with? Don't think about practical stuff, just pure fantasy. Imagine yourself there.
Then do one thing towards that perfect day. Doesn't matter what it is. Just change something. Notice what you are feeling when you go about your day. Do I really enjoy being inside, outside? Do I like to be with people or alone. Keep noticing.
Next week choose another thing to change. It can be as small as you like. Join a club. Declutter your room. Start gardening.
Look out for other people to help. Look out for things you can do which may help someone whether you know them or not. See how that feels.
After two weeks look at your perfect day again. Is it the same? Did anything change? Add in detail. Imagine yourself there
Week three change another thing. Get a haircut. Volunteer. Start walking or running. It doesn't matter. Change one thing. Practice gratitude. Practice forgiveness.
Carry on. Each week add one thing. Learn another language. Take a course. Find a mentor. Think a out the perfect day altering anything which changes for you.
I hope you find your path to the person you are meant to be, the best version of yourself, and achieve what you need to achieve to find your perfect day.
ChairmanSunYatSen@reddit
Coming from an ex junky, you won't turn it around until you seriously want to. As long as you're content, nothing will change. You can tell yourself you'll change, you can have a brief moment of clarity and think "I'm a waste of space", but that's not enough
Really take it to heart, how shit your life is, how pathetic you're acting as a supposedly grown man, how embarrassing you must be to your parents, how pitiful your friends must feel and how much of a turn off you are to any girl worth being interested in. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I tried addiction services, online therapy, all sorts, useless when compared to realising I was an absolute piece of shit waste of space.
oralehomesvatoloco@reddit
Join the army
whyohgodwhy69@reddit
You sound depressed. To be blunt I think most people would also be depressed in your situation. Baby steps though, comments here give good advice and I haven't much to add to them. Best of luck, making this post is a good start to improving life for yourself.
Lower-Examination858@reddit
Everyone says gym but how are you affording a gym unemployed. You sound depressed
Humorous-Prince@reddit
32M here, also still live at home, never had a relationship or kissed anyone. I have a full time job, hate it though, mainly because I don’t get paid enough for the work I do. Tried to look for another job, that has failed. Going through severe depression mainly due to feeling like a complete life failure, not sure what next step to take, plus the loneliness of never having a relationship.
CHOPPER_REED@reddit
firstly stop comparing yourself to others its the absolute thief of joy. your path is the one that matters.
social interactions just try be friendly, kind, and if you want a lady make sure your clean and smell good. believe it or not your lack of experience wont go against you. just be honest, the right woman will not want someone that's been around.
don't take life or yourself too seriously, and try be a better version of you than yesterday.
how would you live your day if you thought your time was limited?
Ezekiiel@reddit
I can promise you most women in his age bracket would be put off by his lack of experience. Not only sexual but the lack of relationship experience would be seen as a red flag
Brave_Pain1994@reddit
You will have to put a bit of effort in at some point, but you will find your way.
Life's not a race, quicker you try and run it, the quicker its over.
There's always someone worse off than you.
Fit_Champion667@reddit
Most of these comments are completely idealistic. You will not be able to make revolutionary changes overnight like everyone’s suggesting, but you can take small steps.
Over the last few years I’ve had goals as simple as “stand outside” and failed to do that. Break up whatever you’ve got to do into tiny, seemingly pointless tasks.
You need some sort of purpose, try give yourself one goal each day, no matter how small & tick it off, literally on pen and paper, at the end of the night.
With time, you’ll be able to look back at your paper with your completed goals and see that you’ve achieved something. You can then slowly increase the difficulty of your goals.
Try move your body in some way, if walking seems like too much work, then stand up and do some jumping jacks. Anything just now is an improvement.
You have it in you to make change, it’s just your idea of change seems too out of reach. Small goals over a long enough period of time will mount up to amazing progress! You’ve got this, just give yourself a chance.
Electronic-Pop5682@reddit
Man..... join the military, it will give you everything you dont have and you will be serving your country.
Repulsive-Pear6391@reddit
Thank you for posting this OP. I’m 33 and in a similar position. Reading through other’s responses is really helping me, so thank you for taking this first step in turning your life around. You’ve helped me too 🙏
LGDarkman@reddit
Buddhism
PlasticDouble9354@reddit
You’re 27 buddy, you’re still young but god damn, stop wasting your life
PM_ME_VEG_PICS@reddit
Hey, sounds like you might have depression and I have experienced that and know what it can feel like so hope some of this helps. And to be honest, even if you don't have depression the below might help.
Don't even think about the kissing thing, it really doesn't matter and unless you are specifically telling people about no one will even be thinking about it when they interact with you.
Try and get some therapy. In my local area you can self refer online for mental health issues, I know it isn't the same everywhere so check with your doctors surgery, it will say on their website. Also if you are feeling really bad please ring Samaritans.
Hobbies, are there anythings you do enjoy? If you like the outside then right now the butterfly survey is going on. You download an app and log butterflies that you see, it gives a guide to recognising them so if you are like me and just go "oh that's a nice one and so is that" then you can actually put the proper name in. It doesn't matter where you live as even in really urban places we get butterflies, try a local park if you don't have a garden.
If you don't like the outdoors then what about art, you can start drawing pretty cheaply.
Finally, online hobbies (I know some people won't think these are going to help), gaming, that geo locator thing where people find places on Google maps, learning a language etc.
General
Some additional points. Do you like structure? When I was at my lowest point I'd lost all structure and wasn't washing or cleaning, I was just existing. I made a very gradual habits plan. It was something like (each week built on the week before);
Week 1 Clean teeth every morning
Week 2 Clean teeth before bed
Week 3 Wash every morning
Week 4 Wear clean clothes
Anyway, hopefully you get the point. I also slowly worked my way through cleaning, starting with my bedroom and setting little goals.
Good luck mate and drop me a message if you just want someone to chat to but I'll tell you now that I can be slow to respond!
Repulsive-Pear6391@reddit
This is a great post, and I can totally relate to everything you’ve written. I hope OP finds it helpful.
GoodReverendHonk@reddit
And don't sleep until noon! Get up 9am at the latest and make it a habit, otherwise half the day is gone and you'll just feel like it's too late to start anything, keeping you in the spiral.
EstablishmentOk5864@reddit
I'll be honest mate you sound perfect for the army 🤷 you'll get a wage subsided housing but more than that you'll get a purpose 👍
mcwaff@reddit
Do you have quite intense interests outside work? Could you talk for hours about them? Does sudden change make you feel overwhelmed emotionally? Do you avoid eye contact when speaking to others? If all this sounds like you, you might be autistic, which is actually pretty cool. Have a chat with your GP and get yourself assessed. If not, scroll on and have a nice day :-)
Relative-Play-6144@reddit
Start volunteering. It will get you out, give you focus and build up your CV as well as open up your social circle and give you a sense of purpose
charizzat@reddit
Do Muay Thai
Timely_Emu_1115@reddit
I was in your exact spot over a year ago, now have money and a girlfriend. I was 26. Still depressed and want to die but what can you do 🤣
skeetzmv@reddit
Mate, it's going to be tough, so my first piece of advice is not to be tough on yourself - first step is to figure out a plan.
Personally, I'd start by aiming for a customer service kinda job. It will be a shock to your system, but when you socially have to talk to people in your day to day it really helps with your confidence in talking to people outside of work.
These places also tend to be some of the most social as well, so you'll get the chance to go to events, little drinks after work and you'll find your people.
Give yourself little goals - for example, at the moment I want to build 1 month's salary as a buffer and as long as I'm putting something aside towards that I take that as good enough. It's my own goal, it's what I want to do and as long as I'm taking a step towards that, that's good enough for me.
Speak to your GP about getting access to mental health help. It sounds like you might be dealing with some symptoms of depression. It's scary giving it a name or having to work on it with a therapist, but it will help you longer term to identify what's going on with you and I personally found it helpful to realise that I wasn't going crazy a lot of the time it was that I hadn't picked up on some of my patterns and didn't have strategies to cope with it.
Relationships and things will come eventually - I'd stay away from making that a huge goal for now because generally if you're not happy or comfortable with at least some of who you are, it'll be really difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. Everyone is capable and deserving of love though including you, so be very kind to yourself in this regard if you do start pursuing stuff. You can't control what other people think or feel, but you can control what you do in reaction to that.
I really hope you end up getting yourself into a better place, and I want to say big yourself up for putting yourself out there like this in a public forum. Hoping for the best for you OP!
K-91001@reddit
So I was exactly like this, I live in the UK so was on the dole and very unhappy with myself went through some very dark times (I know it sounds cliche) but I started working out from home and downloaded some online games and the rest fell into place, I now have a loving fiance, stable job and been in the best shape of my life.
Honestly it was life changing I was almost 19 stone now I'm 12.5 stone (weight) it was tough but all worth it.
If you need someone to talk to my D.M's are always open, I won't try sell you anything, don't worry. Hope this helps
levidathan@reddit
I would walk to the local town about 3 miles away. Look in the Careers advice centre and walk home. The walk everyday gave me a sense of achievement. Then I started talking to the people in there after a couple of weeks. Then started volunteering in that town, then got hired on the merits of the volunteering. Then worked my way up and now have a pretty good job. I also told my family I was done and probably not going to be around much longer. It’s like 9 years later now and I’m pretty happy.
Amore91@reddit
I have an okay job, go to the gym, relatively few friends, and have dated / had a few relationships in fits and starts.
But I’m not social in the least and spend a lot of time on my own.
I think a lot of us can empathise. I find the general environment and culture surrounding socialising, at least with people you don’t really know, pretty toxic and it revolves around drinking and often even, drug use.
The younger you are the worse that probably is.
Tasty_Ocean@reddit
Yes- you need therapy and to talk to people. See if there are any support groups around you and avoid social media groups as much as possible. Anyone can have a tough time like you and it’s important not to feel like there’s anything wrong with you- there isn’t. But it does make you vulnerable to doing some silly things, so the more you’re aware of that, the less likely you are to do something silly.
newfor2023@reddit
I went from 27 unemployed after being cheated on to by 38 I was headhunted by a consultancy with 3 kids things can change quickly!
Curtito97@reddit
Join the Army (or other AF)
plenty of options and gives stability while you decide what you want career wise. I could throw pros and cons, and I understand it isn't for some people but always consider it...
supernova888@reddit
Do you think you might be autistic by any chance? This is similar to me and I'm waiting for diagnosis. You may not think you have it, but read the list of symptoms and you might be surprised. I only ever knew the stereotype, I think the media gives us a false impression of autism so a lot of people don't realise they have it. I have had a lot of autistic friends too, but I didn't act like them. They say when you've met one autistic person you've met one autistic person however, they're all very different. I think I also have ADHD which changes the presentation of autism. It's hard to get anything done with both.
In terms of jobs, I've had a lot of trouble with those too due to not being able to tolerate the working environment. I was working in a reception having to greet people every day and I hated it. After leaving that role I've had a lot of employment advice and now I'm chasing jobs I can actually tolerate rather than forcing myself into something unsuitable. I've had 5 interviews recently so things are getting better. I would advise you to get some employment advice, there are a few depression focused ones in my area so there might be in yours. I've never really known what to do in life either, just what I disliked doing. If you have a hobby you strongly enjoy I recommend seeing if you can do that as a job.
I didn't get a degree either because I didn't think I could handle it after years of bullying. It's important to know your own limits. Autistic people often develop depression trying to fit into a neurotypical world so you might have that too. You can also get alexithymia with both autism and depression that means you can't recognise your emotions or describe them. Autism is often mistaken for depression. I've never kissed anyone either but I'm also asexual. That was a whole other mind fuck when you realise you've never been sexually attracted to anyone, only aesthetically attracted.
I think to turn things around you need to follow what you really want rather than doing what society expects you to do. You're just hurting yourself trying to meet expectations you can't. What you want matters. A lot of people will advise you the usual things, but going to the gym is stressful, the noise, dealing with people, the social expectations, and the cost are all barriers. There's a million things that make it harder when you are autistic or depressed and not everyone sees them so they can be judgemental, I know from dealing with my uncle. They don't know you though, they can't be an accurate judge.
If you can get therapy definitely do so, it kept me going. Definitely visit your doctor and tell them how you're feeling, be prepared to advocate for yourself if they don't listen. It might help to take in a note with what you want to say, I always forget. If you don't want to see a doctor then you can self-refer for therapy in some places. The waiting lists are long, but there are some services you can access straight away. You sound very depressed so I think you should tell someone close to you right away. After reading this post go tell your parents because they will want to know, I'm sure they're already worried about you. Change can be scary, but sometimes it can be good. It's better to try to improve things, people who try to end their lives usually just want things to get better and often regret it straight away. Don't be too hard on yourself. I stopped doing it and I instantly felt relief. Know your limits and please get help. Just start small, one day at a time.
gintokireddit@reddit
Hard for anyone to give advice without knowing you.
There might be some organisations nearby that offer support for long-term unemployed that can advise you and help you find courses to do to get into a career.
Finding one moderately social hobby to try could help.
If you try therapy, they might help with the second paragraph.
blackcurrantcat@reddit
Dude- ask yourself, at what age are you actually planning to join your contemporaries?
Normal-Ball-2472@reddit
Know where you are at. Join the army is my suggestion.
Iamasharkhi@reddit
Depression
Former_Couple4373@reddit
Bro it really is as simple as do you want it enough Nothing in life is free or easy and you’ve got to work towards that weather it takes a week or a year the progress you go through makes the end goal so much better
Prize_Put_1510@reddit
Personally, I have been somewhere similar. I had a scholarship, was motivated, (thought) I knew what I wanted to do. Didn't get the grades, dropped out of 6th form after nearly repeating twice because of low attendance, hiding away in my bedroom, no work experience, no desire to work. I was a NEET effectively since I was 17. Turned down in every application I made, until my friends from secondary finished school and got me a job. In my opinion, this is the most crucial part. Once you start working even if you hate it, you have the most important tangible resource for changing your life - money.
I don't think saying just do this, this and this and your life will be magically better. I have very fulfilling hobbies and interests but if I'm miserable, I would rather swallow nails than do anything else.
The way you feel is a response to your experiences. You sound incredibly unhappy with your life and it's probably not helping you to find the motivation to change it. Physical pain forces us to change our situation, emotional pain and depression stops us from changing. It's not about making yourself feel better, you need to take the steps towards making your life more fulfilling.
If everything in your life makes you unhappy, you know that any single change or improvement you make will make it better. If the only thing that makes you happy is your hobbies, spend more time on them, incorporate it more into your days. Find a job that's less demanding or stressful so you can put more emotional energy into what you actually care about.
Most people aren't in careers they care about or want to be in, that's normal and it's okay, you can address that literally any time you want to. You listed a lot of things that have to do with others, intimacy, socialising. You could have 5 girlfriends/boyfriends and 100 amazing friends and it wouldn't necessarily make you happy. You need to start with yourself, you complete yourself. When you are content and confident in who you are, people will see it and appreciate it. Just be genuine in your encounters with other or if you really want people to like you, at least take a genuine interest in them. I am a modern hermit and I'm perfectly okay with that.
I think it's important to think about the ways that you can change it and that you can change it. If you're fortunate enough to live in a wealthy country with a strong passport, you could emigrate. If you have family abroad your options are even better. You can find a new job, you can meet new people, you can take free courses, learn a language, go to school. Going to university is several orders of magnitude better, as an adult (especially if you already know what you want). School and work are the easiest and safest ways to meet new people. I'm not great at talking to complete strangers and usually they talk to me, because of my hair but that's all it takes for me to be able to say hi the next time or ask about their kid or the dinner party they had.
Be brave enough to try something new, to apply for a new job, to talk to someone you don't know well, be brave enough to try again when those things don't work immediately. You just need to be brave and you can be brave
Inside-Feedback-3887@reddit
I was the same around that age. There’s lot of comments and suggestions here for you to go at! 😀
I scanned through and I only saw one mention of autism. But to me - what you wrote here rings a lot of bells. Getting tested for that in this country is going to suck balls, not going to lie.
My suggestion instead is go do some reading, join on online community or just watch some YouTube videos (Orion Kelly is great - https://youtube.com/@orionkelly).
It might give you a different way to frame your view of yourself and the world. Does it fix anything? Well, no. But if you find things that ring true there, maybe now you have more of an idea what it is you’re up against. Now it has a name, rather than it seeming like a personal failing on your part.
InterestingStop2347@reddit
Have you sought medical advice for depression?
investigatorwiggum@reddit
I had a similar situation a while ago and it's so easy to go beyond where you are and accept it, you're doing right knowing it's not right and needs changing.
How I changed it was focusing on individual aspects of my life at a time and just doing small things to develop better habits and going from there to avoid overload.
First I started the gym, because It's both a habit and if you're anything like me the money spent encourages you to go initially and then you enjoy it( maybe do couch to 5K to have a goal).
I then focused on a job, apply to anything, ( I mean anything btw), because you'll get one of two things out of that. Either you'll realise what jobs you actually want because you're reading and thinking no thanks , or you get practice in interviews and a job that at worst tides you over.
Once you're into that situation start to focus on something you like, and just find a club to do it, you'll make the friends and socialise because you have passion
Oh and if there's anything you know you probably do too much off( gaming, porn whatever) just cut it down, don't go cold turkey because you'll relapse worse, just reduce time so you're having to fill the boredom with progressing yourself
Free_Improvement_904@reddit
Sorry to hear what you're going through. While my experiences don't mirror yours exactly there are a few similarities so I thought I'd share my experiences and what helped for me.
Firstly the relationships, I'm about 10 years older than you and only got into my first one a couple of years ago, you've still got loads of time to meet someone, also don't compare yourself to where others are at in life. If the lack of kissing/ sex is a major source of anxiety/ worry you could always hire an escort, send me a PM for a couple of websites you can try I probably can't list them here. Also regarding dating I'd recommend getting yourself on some dating apps (tinder, bumble and hinge were the 3 I used), it may take a while to meet someone but you've got much more of a chance than if you weren't on any apps.
For the education I'd maybe look at your local college or check the council website for any qualifications they offer. Have a look through the prospectus and see if any of the courses jump out at you, some of them will be free if you haven't got any qualifications. Also a degree isn't everything, if I was 18 again I don't think I'd bother with one due to the costs, I'd go down the apprenticeship route.
While you're looking for work/ somewhere to study maybe try volunteering somewhere, I worked in a charity shop for a bit and it gave me more confidence and a bit of a routine.
I'm also not great with change and don't like spending a lot of time around people as I find it draining, I'm not sure if this one can be changed completely as it's part of who you are. But that doesn't mean you can't get more comfortable with it or find it easier to deal with. Look for groups on your local Facebook page, or join a gym and do some exercise classes, try Googling mens shed or hackerspace, see if a local pub runs a poker night. I used to use the website 'Meetup', do you enjoy any sports, look for a local club.
You mention 'calling it quits' when your money runs out, if you're referring to suicide please talk to a therapist about this it's not the answer.
I think you should also try and talk to someone, you'd be surprised how much it helps to share your feelings with someone. Either your parents, a therapist or the sanitarians ( or a similar type of helpline)
I know I've listed a lot, it doesn't have to all be done immediately, just try and pick one thing and start small, maybe try getting into a routine doing something. I promise it will get easier. Also don't worry about any setbacks they happen to everyone in all walks of life.
Just one last comment and something that only really hit me recently. Life is short don't waste it try and do things that you enjoy, find new things you can do and experience, you only get to be here once. And while you might not care now, in 5/10 years you may look back with a completely different mindset and wished it hadn't taken so long.
Hope this helps, best of luck :)
AudienceShot7586@reddit
You clearly want to change,so grab your halls and do something about it
AudienceShot7586@reddit
I been there, but wanting to change your life and having purpose makes you feel great waking up everyday and actively doing things that better your life
BalboniSentMe@reddit
Lots of people saying join the gym.
I agree.
Jd Gyms, Puregym, NRG all cost under £25 a month.
You don't have to spend a lot on kit - I go all the time and just wear plain black decathlon shorts and t shirts - £5.99 each.
If you don't know what you are doing join a class. HIIT / Circuit classes can be fun and you'll meet people there too.
If you don't fancy that try a beginner strength program like 5x5 - just following a plan is really motivating. Make sure to read the plan and watch form videos.
Best thing I ever did.
missmykidcaniseethem@reddit
my job saved me. honestly i know it’s not gonna do the same for everyone. but having that distraction it’s the best thing ever. work is the only place i don’t get panic attacks or anything because it’s too busy
CognitivePrison@reddit
What have you been doing no offence
Such-Pack9054@reddit
I'm 31. Only had one girlfriend and living at home with my parents fairly content with working a dead end job with no meaningful qualifications or future. Plenty of money in the bank so fuck it just cycled past a childhood friend I haven't seen in 12 years ignored him of course fuck it shouldn't have stolen from.my parents. Anyway the answer you want is get a steady job and if your living at home good thing there are people in the world that love/tolerate you.
Pegdaddyyeah@reddit
You can’t change your beginnings but you can always start again. X
FreeTheDimple@reddit
I think you would benefit from a role model. You need to decide what it is that you want to be doing and then find someone in that area who can advise or that you can follow through social media and give you something to aspire to.
If there really is nothing that you are interested in then that might be a sign of clinical depression and you may need medical help with that.
But if you can think of anything that you might like to be involved in 20-40 hours a week then try to find someone that can support you into that.
RamblingRose63@reddit
Try dmt and weed brownies then you will get the courage to travel and once you travel you will find your zest for life somewhere else and can move there. There are people for you somewhere. Get the balls to go find them. If you can't get the balls get stoned lol
rAkedia@reddit
Hey mate, if this is all true youve done the hardest thing already. Just being honest and saying it how it is to people. Ive been in your situation in the past and honestly I totally understand if all the comments about going to the gym and just getting any job has already crossed your mind already. You probably already know that's the change that 'might' make things better but it's finding the motivation to do so.
You probably already know excerising and going to work is where you want to start, but it's finding the motivation and just knowing what it is you want to do that is the hard part.
For a few years in my teens Id finished 6th form, didn't have the grades for Uni (no motivation to study), didn't really feel like I had actual friends (even though I got along with most of my school mates) was socially awkward and while to be fair the odd girl fancied me I was so awkward I had no gfs, no job, no prospects or any idea what I wanted to do going forward.
It sounds like while you're probably down about everything, you're in a comfortable situation in terms of whatever your daily routine is. You do this and that and the other through the day and then you sleep, and then you repeat the next day. And while it's comfortable day by day you're ultimately left feeling like you're going nowhere and it's getting you down. I was in this situation for years in my early 20s.
I knew getting a job, excerising, finding a hobby might change things but it's just finding the motivation to do it and somehow beating all those doubts in your mind that put you off doing it in the first place is the hard part. You're being told to excercise, and you're thinking yeah I'll do that, but then some thoughts cross your mind where you think to yourself well I don't have the right trainers for excercise, nor the right gear, what route do I go to run? Where do I go to gym? And you end up thinking all those doubts then you just decide not to excercise.
Same logic applies for working or finding a hobby. How do I start? If you're socially shy, feeling shit, then that will override your desire to do any of those things.
Ultimately I think posting on the internet, being brave and telling it like it is is the hard part.
For you I think find a day when you're free and just do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. It could be just leaving the house and running until you're out of breath and you can't run anymore, even if that's only after 20 minutes. Just run for a few minutes. Don't make plans on your route, just run down the road or wherever aimlessly then walk back. Don't plan just aimlessly run and feel tired. Let your legs hurt and feel out of breath and just walk back home. Go to bed and lie in bed and think about how that made you feel. Go home, everything else as usual, bedtime, lie in bed and think about how you felt when you were running.
Or it could be something that makes you uncomfortable in a different way like just send your CV you haven't updated in years to any company. You might feel embarrassed by your CV but just send it to an employer anyway. Even just getting a response from them saying sorry not this time is fucking class. Those things that you're thinking to yourself is small to everyone else, fuck that. It's impressive, it's big! And if doing those small but uncomfortable things is big for you, then they are important things.
James-Worthington@reddit
To quote Simon Squib,
You must have a dream? What’s your dream? If you could do anything to make money, what would that look like?
urtcheese@reddit
Move out. Work out.
What a luxury to not have to find a career and make your way in the world.
BroodLord1962@reddit
First step to turning it round is to get a job. Getting a job means you will meet people, have money to have a social life, and possibly the money to take a girl out on a date.
Yavion@reddit
Necessity. Seem you dont have to and thats why you dont.
OneRareMaker@reddit
First of all, you are holding yourself by not believing in yourself. So, your primary limitation is who you say you are, to yourself.
Be your best friend, not your enemy. Be kind and encouraging to yourself.
Write things that are important to you for happiness in life. Rank them according to how you currently do. See what's wrong with it, and how you would have changed it.
Then, with those, set a future goal, think real but think big. Make it just above feasible, but TOTALLY believe in it! You can't every achieve higher than your goals, so set your goals higher, be satisfied with whatever you achieve.
Hesitancy to change means you want to stay as is, which you don't. Embrace shaking your life, starting a new life, a new you. Follow tons of self development content on Instagram, it will slowly sink in, in a month.
Change things. Get a job. Apply open university. Go to professional training, etc. Don't look forward to the goal. Enjoy now.
Be your best friend, not your enemy. Be kind and encouraging to yourself.
I recently read a book called Clear Thinking by Shane Parrish.
Water_panda369@reddit
Meditation, exercise, going out in nature. Get some sunshine. Think of what you loved to do as a child and try to find adult groups or community’s that resinate with that. Move out of your parents. Go on an adventure. Jump out of an airplane go ride a bull. Shoot some guns, go fishing maybe go to church.. hire a mentor to give you a little direction and motivation.
SunTricky8763@reddit
I always grew up resisting full time work but when I did it, man did it change my world. Not saying that you have to do it forever but when it felt hopeless…making money in the time I would usually waste, gave me less time to think about myself and my problems and made me happier, more balanced, more relaxed as well. Also means that if you meet someone you like you’re not pinching every penny.
piyopiyopi@reddit
Join the navy. Give it some thought.
gloomsbury@reddit
I'd start by going to your GP and getting the ball rolling re: mental health support. You seem pretty depressed, and I wonder if you might be neurodivergent - I'm currently in the process of seeking an assessment for ADD and autism and the things you struggle with socially sound very similar to me (no relationship experience, not good with change or new experiences, lack of motivation and feeling stuck in life).
It also might be a good idea to look into college courses and/or volunteering opportunities to ease into working and get an idea of what you might want to do as a paid job eventually? At the very least it'll get you out of the house and give you some routine, and you might meet some people there who you get along with.
Good luck!
SophisaurusOMG@reddit
You say you have no interests, how do you currently spend your time?
thatscrazy157@reddit
Get a part time job in retail or hospitality that doesn't require any degree. You'll have a schedule and be forced to talk to people. This puts a floor under the effort you put into your days. Helped me a lot when I was depressed and didn't want to do anything.
hwoppy2@reddit
Work on you physically. Get fit get strong. If you’re not social, do gym, running and swimming. Teach yourself how to cook well from basic ingredients. Focus on just those two things until you can look yourself in the mirror and feel confident about yourself. Use that confidence to apply for work. If you don’t know where to start, get help. Job centre. Local recruitment agencies.
Traditional_Ad7802@reddit
Where do you live? Might be able to give you a job?
ploopitus@reddit
You might not want to but: Get the fuck out of your hole and travel. Change. Move. Go away.
Beneficial-Pilot-238@reddit
Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Why not focus on them for a start. Take them out, play board games, makes them dinner and ask them for advice
MMCG12300@reddit
Sounds like you might be waiting for someone to tell you what to do because you don't want to be responsible for your own decision
I'd take the highest paying job available in my area with the goal of getting the cheapest house and repairing it
Alternatively, travel solo to get some perspective
You can do almost anything which can be liberating and crippling
Bet on yourself
GRAWRGER@reddit
id start with therapy. it helps to have someone guide you and help you make a plan that you can follow through on.
you'd be surprised what you have in you. take it one step at a time - dont get caught up in how tall the mountain is.
also it sounds like you may be suffering from depression. i mean, you obviously are, but i mean longer-term. it isn't normal to have no interests, passions, motivation, etc. that screams depression. your brain could just be in desperate need of some chemicals that your body isn't properly supplying. if i were you, id make a GP my first stop. see if an anti-depressant does anything for ya - it cant hurt.
best wishes.
crazyblondelady@reddit
My life became worth living when I met Jesus. I was miserable chasing affection and attention. I believed all the negative that this world told me. I found my worth...more than enough for this world and enough through God's grace and mercy. I still struggle with bad ideas. But the love I found has been amazing.
Efficient_Moose_4847@reddit
I write this as someone who in their late teens and early 20’s (still to my disbelief) managed to overcome a very dark patch and managed to live a life that I could never imagine would be possible. Now aged 25, having relapsed 2 years ago, I found my self in a very similar boat to yours.
Baby steps and plenty of time.
Bear in mind Maslow’s hierarchy of need. In a nutshell you can’t fulfill a need if you haven’t fulfilled the need in the tier bellow. May seem bogus and defunct, but do bear with me.
So Let’s break down what you brought up in the question with this in mind. Employment and Education cannot be achieved if you are not fulfilling you physiological needs. If you’re not taking care of yourself or have the motivation to take care of yourself, the leap towards caring about finding or staying in a job/education can seem too much or impossible. Thinking about a career may seem even further away to grasp, as I would slot it into self actualisation.
Are you able to care of yourself? Have a routine, good sleep hygiene,cook for yourself, exercise even if it’s a 10 min walk?
If you aren’t taking care of yourself. Focus on starting the ball rolling on self care and park your worries on being NEET. Small things like placing a toothbrush and tooth paste near the bed. Giving yourself a quick clean with a flannel over the sink (I do this as i can’t get myself into the shower). If you notice yourself thinking “I should do x” make a note of it and focus on incorporating this as something you do on a regular to take care of yourself.
Relationships are above the need of safety and security. Again looking at from a different angle you may find it difficult to find a relationship if you’re socially isolated and are preoccupied with trying to reach some level of stability in many facets of life from health to financial stability. I would imagine that it would be difficult to maintain a relationship or go into a relationship if you are not able to dedicate time or have enough headspace to show that you do care about them if you’re preoccupied with the flux you’re in.
Lastly to blunt I got better because of a level of tenacity and drive that I no longer possess. I was also lucky to have been given the support I did. I was a vulnerable 18 year old on a mission to prove everyone wrong after a very difficult childhood and everyone was worried shitless about me apart from my family. But if I didn’t get the support I did, my tenacity on its own wouldn’t have made things better. Frankly if I didn’t get help I wouldn’t be alive now. I wouldn’t have had the strength to go back to education and a drive to build a career. Unfortunately I experienced something traumatic within the year after I proudly discharged myself from CMHT. It hit me like an avalanche a couple years later. Getting help has been difficult and engaging with help has been horrendously difficult for me. I know that for me that me getting better relies on me engaging with help and going back to therapy. But don’t love myself enough to allow myself another chance in recovering again.
It seems that you do want something to change , you do care about yourself to ask here about what you should do to make things better for yourself. I will strongly advise you reach to your GP, have a look at your local MH services outside the NHS such as Mind which provide do often provide community support services. And remember to put stride towards what you want and what makes you content. Not striding towards what is perceived what society appears to perpetuate as being necessary to live a fulfilling life.
Famous-Distance4707@reddit
Hey. I'm 32 and for a good few years I felt somewhat similar to what you're writing. I contemplated ending things for a long time. Saw little hope, and little point. Spiraled into apathetic and nihilistic ways of living. I didn't feel particularly connected to anyone, or anything. I didn't expect to ever get a good job, and I felt like the situation I'd come from in life (not a great one) was where I'd end up.
But things aren't always this way, and one person can change things for the better. The thing that helped me start to change things for myself was a book by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. I believed it was more about manipulation than anything else, but I changed that belief fairly quickly. I read it, and then I read it again. It's light reading, and easy to pick up and put down. It allowed me to have a manual process to think through when conversing with people, and I learnt a lot about how I connect with people.
At the same time I started exercising. I have never been to the gym but I switched between running, some boxing, and the occasional cycle. Anything will help. Your mind and body are one and will reward you when you challenge them.
I started to question my situation, and the people in my life. Parents can have a disabling effect on their kids, at times. It's not necessarily anyone's fault. I wouldn't bring a girl home to my mum's house. I wouldn't talk about certain topics with my dad. It's just how it is. Consider whether being there might limit you. Maybe you need to radically change your circumstances to start to know who you really are. Lots of people to who to uni experience this. Others move country.
Your work situation doesn't sound great, but count your blessings. You aren't specialised and you don't feel you have a calling. You can do whatever pays your bills. If you're not super ambitious, the bills can be less. Think about what's important to you.
Happy to chat with you if I can help. I wish you all the best.
nitram20@reddit
First thing you need to do before anything is find a job. And job. Even if you think it’s below you, or that it’s demeaning or disgusting like cleaning toilets, or it’s part time, take it.
Trust me. Nobody will look down on you.
Personally, i recommend either asking around your family or friends if you have anyone, to see if they know a job you could do.
Connections are much, much more important than degrees or experience and you will have a huge headstart.
From there, things will come if you keep turning up to work. Judging from what you told us, it can’t be worse and you can only gain from it
Top_Voice4031@reddit
Walk - walking every day is amazingly good for you in so many ways.
It helps physical and mental health. Gives you time to think.
It’s a good first step to everything else - no pun intended. Also you can do it right now with no equipment
Old-Man-Here@reddit
I don't think you can change now, You are dead inside, no coming back from that.
cannontd@reddit
Listen mate, it took you a long time to hold these habits. It won’t take long to make changes, but it won’t be overnight. Finding a reason to go out more will help. Finding a reason to learn a skill will help. Getting a job and having a purpose each day and a routine will help. In time other things will work themselves out.
PlentyMembership5101@reddit
Firstly you're not a unique position lots of people find themselves in this position over time and they make positive changes to get more enjoyment from their life. So this is the first thing you can do; do not delude yourself into thinking you are special and in a uniquely shit situation. You're not you're just average.
Second thing if you do want tomorrow to be the same as today then you need to do something different today than what you did yesterday. So do that. Every day do something you didn't do the day before. Put yourself in positions you might not be comfortable.
velos85@reddit
Get yourself to the gym or any sort of exercise. Yes it will be REALLY tough at first, but being active genuinely makes such a difference to your life.
No you don't have a ripped massive gym guy, but getting the blood pumping and muscles working can do wonders.
Start small. Put some tunes on and go for a walk. Press ups in the morning and before bed...start with 5. If you can only do 2 do 2...then 2 again...then 1...build everything up.
gettoefl@reddit
learn spirituality, that's what kicked my life into gear, my life and yours are not that different
Previous_Reason7022@reddit
How do you have savings if you've never worked?
Ezekiiel@reddit
Maybe inheritance
Previous_Reason7022@reddit
Probably, but he still lives with his parents, or at least thats what I infered from "I still live at home". I'm only curious though, makes no difference to me
SpecialDrama6865@reddit
i have been in a far worse situation then you. I had/have a lot of serious health provblems.
what i have learnt it every single problem in a developed country like the uk can be solved apart from health problems.
just sit down write down your problems and then try to find a solution to each problem
exercises even just going for a 1 hr walk daily is underrated. it gives me energy, improves mood and sleep quality and concentration.
practice your social skills with a family member.
if you start now in 1 year your life could be much better.
you have your whole life ahead of you.
ClickerKnocker@reddit
Start with making your bed, as they say.
I have been in a similar position - up until a year ago, I was jobless and hopeless and seemingly hell bent on slow suicide with booze.
No obvious transcendental awakening occurred or anything like that - one morning, I just felt fed up of being ashamed of the way I lived. With horrendous withdrawals, I spent about an hour tidying up. Then I was knackered. But the next day, I did it again and also had one less beer. Then I phoned a friend.
A year onwards, I am healthier, I'm sober, I have a girlfriend and I'm training for a job in something that I'm passionate about. If you had told me a year ago that I would have what I have now, I'd have thought you were talking bollocks. Make small changes, take small steps, but keep taking them.
I hope you get to a place where you can enjoy your life again - the world can be a shit place, but if that's all you focus on, that's all you'll see.
mouldymolly13@reddit
Volunteer somewhere. I have been a volunteer and now manage a team of volunteers. It's very rewarding and can be sociable; depending on the team. I have always got something out of the volunteering jobs I have done - some days better than others, but always worth it :)
HisLoba97@reddit
In the same boat currently as you so I'm following this post 👍
I_have_no_idea_0021@reddit
Same sort of. Leaste we're not alone lol
cmpthepirate@reddit
If you're a man, good luck. You'll need to pick yourself up by your bootstraps.
Obvious_Flamingo3@reddit
Life isn’t unicorns and rainbows for women either
cmpthepirate@reddit
Apologies you are right.
HisLoba97@reddit
Think more the fact I've got learning difficulties so have always struggled with fitting into work life not to do with the fact I'm a man
JB_UK@reddit
What I would do: pick a job which you could see yourself doing, which is relatively well paid, but which you can take a course in to get a foot in the door, skilled trades are the obvious ones, but ask around on reddit. Then sign up for a course, but make sure that it's in person. If you can, ask people around you for help if you need money. I think this will fix multiple issues at once, it gives a sense of purpose and a goal, it creates an obligation and expectation from those around you that you will attend the course and make something of it, it surrounds you with other people doing a similar thing, which gives a group of contacts and potentially friends, and it means after a few years you can have a job which will allow you to take the next stage in your life.
I think if you can it's better to put yourself in a totally different context, not try to make incremental changes and not try to do everything yourself.
AdCurrent1125@reddit
I'll pay for this with downvotes...
But you should read or watch or listen to some pre-2020 Jordan Peterson.
That stuff is literally written precisely for you in your exact situation.
It's the middle ground between....it's ok it's not your fault you're probably autistic hun just be yourself....
...and...
... Andrew Tate.
spaded131@reddit
Ah yes the advice from a man who clearly doesn't have his shit together or the advice of a human trafficking piece of shit...
And don't assume you can diagnose someone with autism from a paragraph
Op Get professional help, that's the best option, not Reddit
AdCurrent1125@reddit
Actually taking a scroll through the comments....the Tate boys and the "it's ok hun just be yourself" people are are already here dominating the conversation.... OP is fucked
Ezekiiel@reddit
Someone suggested downloading Duolingo… to. 27 year old virgin. This website is a right fucking laugh
AdCurrent1125@reddit
People who don't have their shit together can and do help others get their shit together. It's the entire basis of AA and other groups.
In fact... rejecting advice because the person giving it is flawed is a fucking stupid idea.
I'm not diagnosing....but there's already been mental illness diagnoses mentioned at the time of writing and I wouldn't be surprised if autism comes up before the end of the day.
Professional help is good but difficult (or impossible) to get. This isn't America, we don't all see therapists.
But yes, Reddit is not the answer.
Sufficient_Role2327@reddit
Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate are gurus for people who don't care what a chakra is.
AdCurrent1125@reddit
Some people...like OP ....need someone else to do their thinking for them for a while.
If I woke up tomorrow and OP was in charge or my life I'd be very worried.
Not endorsing Tate though. Too far.
Special_Bench868@reddit
Jordan fucking Peterson is just misogyny hiding behind "make your bed"
He's pathetic. If you want to make sure this guy never gets consensually laid in his life, by all means, push him towards Incel 101 For Dummies.
AdCurrent1125@reddit
I'm not concerned at all about OP getting laid.
He's a failure to launch... getting laid should be low down on the list of objectives.
suziewoozie420@reddit
Take my downvote sir.
AdCurrent1125@reddit
Wouldn't have it any other way
10395837582914@reddit
Keep your chin up my guy. Start small. Change eating / drinking habits. Get proper sleep. Go exercise, even if it's a 10 minute walk round the block.
There's loads of people in a similar situation. You're not alone. Seek help if you need to, absolutely no shame in that.
I recommend reading Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for life. Great book... Also check out some of his lectures.
Pm me anytime on here if you feel like you need to.
Loves bro. ❤️
madzuk@reddit
Rome wasn't built in a day.
Invest in yourself. But do it in small achievable steps. Think deeply about what you enjoy, your passions. Then think about how you can use that to develop and become the best person of yourself. Start small though or you will lose motivation. Take baby steps or you'll feel overwhelmed or won't enjoy the journey.
Once you do that, you start working in a career, develop skills, through that life forces you to develop social skills and through that everything else can fall into place. Friends, girlfriend etc. You just have to step out of your comfort zone, that's how you grow.
If you start working on a career and hobbies, everything else in life starts to pick up and your confidence can grow. You could even go traveling to pick up confidence and get perspective. Of course life will still constantly have downs but you'll have the ups to balance it out.
Decent_Initiative766@reddit
Someone else mentioned learning a language. So download duolingo and start learning! (I recommend German)
Remember happiness is moments, you might think having an amazing job will make you happy 100% of the time - It won’t. Find happiness in moments, be it with a loved one, a pet or just personal accomplishments!
Don’t forget everyone is going through life at their own pace - your not ahead or behind, you’re just where you need to be
robster9090@reddit
In all honesty what is learning a language going to do to help any of these issues ?
AonghusMacKilkenny@reddit
Being bilingual can open doors to a lot of job prospects, right?
Ezekiiel@reddit
Duolingo isn’t going to make you bilingual
AonghusMacKilkenny@reddit
If someone gives it a try and finds it interesting I can see it being a good first step, and for OP they really need to just try things.
bahumat42@reddit
Not in a short term
robster9090@reddit
Maybe a bit but not significantly enough to invest the time into doing it when they currently don’t work or have anything else going
Acceptable_Feeling66@reddit
Duolingo only takes 10 minutes a day, which is hardly a massive commitment. Even a small daily habit like this can be a catalyst for change.
Spending just 10 minutes a day focused and productive, without letting your mind wander or fret can be incredibly powerful
Laescha@reddit
Everyone is different, but for someone who enjoys languages, it gives you a little bit of structure every day, a sense of progress and achievement, and gets you back into the habit of doing hard things and making mistakes and just getting on and trying again until it works.
robster9090@reddit
I’m not discounting that, it just seems extremely niche when there could be plenty of things OP could do right now to see little improvements. I’d expect a suggestion like that maybe for someone looking for a hobby not someone that’s said they will burn through savings and end it
Lokijai@reddit
I was the same as you, no job no life, no hope. Just stayed at home everyday playing video games. Then I decided to just apply for anything at well known companies.
After a lot of time and not giving up I am now 10 years older.
PM_ME_VAPORWAVE@reddit
Idk bro I’m in the same situation minus not having a girlfriend. I’m going to end it soon too
External_Lab7887@reddit
If you feel your life isn't going anywhere, it's not too late to go to uni, mate. Lots of unis are offering clearing places right now. You can get student finance. Study something you find interesting. It's a great experience and might get you out of your shell a bit.
Complex-Piano-81@reddit
It's never too late to change your life. I was much the same as you at 27. I decided to go to uni as a mature student, then I ended up doing a Masters after my undergrad degree. I now have a job I (mostly) enjoy. And I've had 3 short relationships. I also took up running, yoga, and woodworking.
Coconutpieplates@reddit
Volunteer to build up experience and confidence. Part time casual job to get used to work and a routine will do wonders. Go for walks or join gym or exercise classes, you'll feel so much more sociable and happy within yourself. When you're happier with your life it shows in yourself and attracts people and the rest follows eventually.
This all sounds simple and straightforward but it's big things that can intimidate people but you're okay once you're in it, you just have to make the first steps like a volunteer application or cv online to a shop then it will push you forward. Good luck! I have been in that hopeless place where it feels like I couldn't turn it around but you will! Just take the first steps.
Throwawaylol21345@reddit
Face in the other direction
ScenesafetyPPE@reddit
Respectfully…have you ever been evaluated for Autism?
Acceptable-You-4813@reddit
You really need to take action. Life owes us nothing. If you have no goals you will go nowhere.
Look at things you can study to help you find a job You will have a better chance of a relationship when you are happy with yourself
Find some hobbies and exercise
Flat_Revolution5130@reddit
Your 27. Not to late to take that plumbing course. Become your own boss by 40. People always need plumbers.
NorthenSowl@reddit
Get a job
thefuturesorange@reddit
One issue at a time. It’s overwhelming to tackle everything at once. How about start with a job, any job, any amount of hours per week and take it from there?
Significant-Bat-9503@reddit
It’s extremely hard out there for young men these days and nobody seems to want to talk about it. So much is expected of us and we are judged and ridiculed if we don’t conform to those expectations..with little to no help, sympathy or support from society.
It’s a lack of purpose more than anything in my opinion, once you have a solid purpose and goal everything else just slots into place.
AnacondaChoka@reddit
Military. It changed my life when I was in a similar boat to you.
gateaucatto@reddit
Join a gym, wake up early ish and have a look online for some apprenticeships carpentry, IT, accountancy. Apply for a bunch. Get an additional job in the meantime, part time even.
IHATESBMMbro@reddit
Get into forex. Being financially free is the only important thing. Rest of life is easy then. I'm 31. Just become profitable. Using funded firms to get money. I've had a few relationships but mainly just for sex. But it's not the same. You want to get financially free then find someone worth settling with. You still got time.i have been leaning forex for a year and a half. Now it's to grind for the next year or 2 then look to settle...
Odd-Weekend8016@reddit
Ever considered the Armed Forces? Training, structure, social life, getting away from home, all on a plate.
Icy-Cod9863@reddit
Keep it that way. Trust me, just don't lol. You have proven you're not one who subscribes to degeneracy.
But as others have said, gymnasium, a job and hobbies are the way to go.
woke_karen@reddit
Get a part-time job so you don't feel too overwhelmed.
Join a gym and go 3/4 times a week. Weights, not cardio.
Find a hobby you like or two and go regularly.
Confidence will build up over time.
Ok-Tea-3802@reddit
You need to get out of your rut and now before it takes over your life. life’s there for living you don’t know what’s round the corner. Join a club get a job so you’ll meet people your age and build up friendships. Or go travelling and teach English somewhere abroad. I was similar to your self. I went to Las Vegas with some mates. I travelled separately. That really gave me confidence to get out of my comfort zone and definitely helped my mental health after that I applied for a better job and eventually met my wife who is my best mate. Good luck hope it all works out for you.
tommyredbeard@reddit
If you don’t have any goals why do you want to change your life? There must be something you feel like you’re missing.
If it’s a partner then confidence is the one my friend. Go to the gym, go swimming, go walking, ride a bike. It’s amazing the difference it makes to your confidence.
Also, get a job. Any job at first, you’ll discover things you like and don’t like.
psychmancer@reddit
You need to make a change. Go outside, go to the gym, learn to cook. Get hobbies that involve others. It's a process. University funnily enough is great for almost all of this and you can apply as an older student, just do lots of the activities and clubs and groups.
poppyo13@reddit
Sertraline - give it a few months
JoelMahon@reddit
these are all changed by repeatedly pushing your comfort zone
no one is born with good social skills, they come with practice, etc.
improving your life will take effort, resolve, sweat, grit, etc. but as long as you stick with it and TRY to get a little better every day (you won't always succeed), you'll get there.
the-cock-slap-phenom@reddit
I was actually in nearly this exact same situation last year, was basically a shut in for many years and doing much better now.
I started with the medical route, which involved CBT with my local mental health team, and also getting a diagnosis for why I was so tired all the time (hypothyroidism).
That gave me a good start, then I just made progress bit by bit. Started going for walks to get out of house, then going to cinema, then joined a board game club, then made some friends within the club.
Same with exercising. Started with the walks, then started cycling, then started going to gym twice a week, then three times a week, then four times, then 5 times, now usually go 6 times a week and seeing good progress.
For dating, I just started with dating apps. First step was actually responding to any matches I got, then getting better at actually having conversations, then actually asking them out, then starting to make moves while out on dates.
This isn’t all with one person. Not to sound cold, but each person was kind of a “test” to progress how far I was comfortable going.
My overall point is that it’s all step by step, and once you’re comfortable with step 1, move on to step 2 etc. eventually you’re on step 5 and all the other steps no longer bother you.
Each step is just easier than the last. I was in the “just message girls” phase for quite a long time, then suddenly hit the dating phase and I’m then arranging dates with multiple people and not worrying about it.
My point is that it’s disproportionately harder at the start, but it gets easier and progress to reach where you want to be gets exponentially faster.
Helpful-Tap-4088@reddit
You have to start small. No grand schemes. No huge changes. No master plan. Do the little things well. Challenge yourself to 1 good thing daily. For instance do 1 thing that benefits someone else every day. You live at home still? Cool, cook the tea or mow the lawn (without expectation of reward). Or organise that thing you've been putting off for months.
Go out for a walk every day and let your mind wander, it's clear you need to think and reflect.
Remember that a job is a job too, who cares if it's retail, warehouse, commercial or a restaurant? They're all positive influences in society and you hey money and a purpose.
If it helps I'm not a people person. I don't like going out or meeting new people and socialising, but finding a sport I love changed my life around. I found like minded people and you quickly realise you're not on your own. And it's OK to not be OK.
Good0times@reddit
The main thing in your position would be to focus on getting a job. Try out different things, like kitchen work, call centres, warehouses, until you find something suitable. Once you have your own income, you'll have a lot more choice and freedom, and you will be able to look ahead further.
Upstairs-Ad-748@reddit
I feel in the same boat brother, I'm 27m, also never been in a relationship or been intimate, had 4 failed businesses, went bankrupt at 21, still living at home, can't drive and just feel like a total mess every night wishing it was over.
As that doesn't seem to be happening though my short term plan is starting work next week (I'd highly recommend call centre work for building up your confidence) and then hitting the gym to shift some mega needed pounds off.
FatRascal_@reddit
Firstly, doesn’t matter what qualifications you have or how many people you have kissed; you have worth and the world is a better place with you in it.
Consider things to improve about yourself one thing at a time. Don’t consider things all at once because they become overwhelming very quickly, especially if you’ve been struggling with low self-esteem to begin with. I’ve very much been there, and in fact I’ve just gone through a patch of incredible low self worth that I feel I can see the end of myself. So I’m right there with you on this.
Take small steps, understand that life is a long process and you’re never “finished”.
“Hit the gym” is the meme response, but it is also great advice. You’ll meet all sorts there, but you’ll meet plenty of people who are all pulling for each other in their self improvement. You’ll feel better and see yourself improving over time. You’ll have something to lose yourself in and forget your troubles for a while. There’s nothing simpler for your brain than “lift the heavy thing” as an activity, it’s great!
This next thing is going to sound silly, but hear me out…it’s very very easy to point out all the negative things in life and let those thoughts live in our brains, lay out in there and get comfy. We need to evict those toxic thoughts. How do we do that? Replace them with better thoughts. Start small, pointing out things that you see that are beautiful or that you like “that’s a cool tree”, “that can is a nice colour”, “that oil slick on the road makes a nice rainbow effect that looks nice”…small seemingly silly things all build up. You’ll be training your brain to notice more positive things than negative over time, and your mindset changes.
My private messages are always open if you need to chat about things anonymously or vent to someone who might get where you’re coming from.
PsychedelicKM@reddit
Therapy
NeighborhoodOk3610@reddit
Hi - Sorry to hear that you are struggling, I can definitely sympathise... May I suggest reading a book. It is called the 7 habits of highly effective people by Steven Covey. Now before you say no automatically, please give it a go, it is not expensive and I can honestly say, it has changed lots of things for the better for me. It is one of those books that 'managers' like to suggest people read to inspire their people, whilst never actually reading it themselves. Whilst it is beneficial in a work environment, this book deals more with the reasons we do what we do and what triggers our brain to get into, and out of the slump that you find yourself in. It gives advice on relationships, family, self motivation and the core 'things' that if done correctly, help a person to find some peace, meaning and direction in life, all without preaching what to do. Good luck and I hope this helps.
HactuallyNo@reddit
You do this. Joe Wick's exercise for beginners:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6olj0O3h4w
It takes 15 minutes. You will feel fundamentally different afterwards. You are almost definitely leading a life currently where your body is not producing any endorphins.
There is a lot of other stuff to do, from finding a hobby/sport and the community that goes along with it, to visiting a prostitute, to learning how to cook, but this 15 minutes of exercise is something you can do now, and in 30 minutes time you will be a new person. Tired, but mentally refreshed.
Do it.
Put on some drum and bass as that will help you amp up, even if you think is shit music (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KWy64-D_8k)
(If you are disabled then check out this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlVO0K2A-a4 or this for more research https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/exercising-from-home)
What can you do today that you will be glad about tomorrow?
15 minutes of exercise. 15 minutes. That's like less time that you go for a shit.
Do it.
spindleyterror@reddit
Sounds like shit life syndrome. Cure is get out of your own way, and make the changes in yourself and the external changes will come
SpittingCobra1@reddit
At the next exit, turn right
FeistyTradition5714@reddit
Start believing in yourself
DrMetters@reddit
I was in the boad but things have turned around a bit now. At 31 I applied to Domino's. They literally didn't give a interview. They just gave me a job. I forced on learning all the pizza topping to get more hours.
Then I used that money on myself. Better diet, indulging in hobbies I couldn't do. I even had money to bulk buy things that tend to be cheaper when you do so.
I understand getting a job isn't going to solve everything. But having more income allowed me to live better. I'm still considered poor to most but I'm better.
cabropiola@reddit
Learn to program with free code camp , be consistent, you might like it . It's creative , challenging , pays well (ideally you just enjoy it and don't think for a while about money and job) and you don't have to socialize much. When you are 30 you will have a cool skill that is very valued.
Now about getting girls , well can't help you too much since I don't know you but my two cents: don't be a dick , be humble and express what you feel and be honest about your insecurities. Confidence is the king. It's more attractive a guy that approaches a girl and says , "you know what , I never kissed a girl" then a guy that is in that situation and embarrassed about himself. At least have confidence about your insecurities haha, sounds crazy, but man it's real. No one really cares , but at least it's an interesting topic to have a chat about.
dahid@reddit
Like people have said I think getting the job is the first step, that will increase your social circle and you will start to meet people.
AlexDub12@reddit
Find a job - really any job that will pay enough to have a small place of your own - and move out, preferably as far from your parents' house as you can in order to not be tempted to get back whenever you don't feel like cooking or something. That's the first step.
Maidwell@reddit
One step at a time.
Ignore all those BIG milestones and focus on one little thing that would make your day better that's out of your comfort zone, and do that.
Then something else, something bigger, etc etc until you are naturally taking charge of the big goals without them seeming insurmountable.
You can't just turn into the person you want to be overnight, it takes lots and lots of little wins (and losses) on the way.
mellonians@reddit
I've been where you are and at your age too. I was recently divorced, depressed and in a dead end job.
Firstly, get help with the depression. It's not always about being sad and wanting to off yourself but that thought will become easier and and easier. Get on meds, get CBT and more importantly, ENGAGE WITH IT. Play the game, do the exercises. Also, Check out one of those testosterone tests. If you can get on that if you need it, that's a life changer.
Career wise, you don't have to know what you want to do, I did but didn't have a way in. I did volunteer to spend a couple of years as a civilian working in Afghanistan though, that complete change took me out of my comfort zone, all meals and accommodation provided gave me ample space and time to reflect, regroup and get my head together. Look at free courses. Linkedin learning, gov sponsored courses, anything for a certificate. It'll feel good learning stuff.
Socially, you don't have to be the life and soul of the party or the social butterfly. As a manic depressive, I was both and sometimes I was a recluse. Be the grey man; be happy in your box and if you yearn for more as your confidence grows, go for it.
Relationship wise, it's not a priority. You'll risk ending up with someone just like you. I've been there, it's toxic. Get yourself in a better place first. Increase your self worth then market that increased worth.
Kraknoix007@reddit
Go to a party? Get a job? Finish an education even if you don't like it, most people don't. Just start taking responsibility for yourself
PlentyIllustrious195@reddit
Start somewhere, anywhere that would hire you. It doesn't have to be a job you are passionate at or one that you would want to do forever, just any job would do to start. Just make sure it involves interacting with people and that you have colleagues.
Do that for awhile and then see how you feel about it. Not how you feel on day 1 but how you feel on day 90.
Assess if you are better off in any tiny way, a little bit of money/ 1 person you connect with everyday/ something you look forward to everyday - if you are 1% better off then keep at it. If you are not, quit and find another job and repeat. If you are at 0% right now the only way to go is up right. Anything has got to be better than nothing.
curiouslad200@reddit
I can give u my blueprint . I was mid 20s rejected from the army and hardly had a skill or qualification to my name, depressed and going nowhere fast, life was grim.
enrolled on an access course in Nursing ;studied every night, passed all my exams, and got into university as a student's nurse.
I started working in a care home part- time during my studies , and then as I gained experience and confidence, I went into NHS as a care assistant on staff bank .
3 yrs later, I qualified as a staff nurse. Made lots of mates at uni in sports clubs who I'm still friends with. Have a career , house, woman...
You can change ur life u just need a good plan and to work hard
SlightChallenge0@reddit
Our son is a bit younger than you, but apart from that you could be twins.
We tried lots of different things, some with his help and some without.
One month in Chiang Mai did the trick.
He is still living at home with no job or girlfriend, but he is now comfortable in his own skin and has started to rebuild real life friendships and other normal shit.
I have not probed too deeply, but he clearly got a lot of female attention out there (wear a condom).
I am not kidding, that single month as well as the journey there and back on his own, really flipped a switch and so far it has not flipped back.
If you need money, get a low level, low stress job and leave it if it it makes you miserable. Use that money on things that make you feel better.
Not having a piece of paper with a qualification on it, does not make you uneducated.
Living at home is not weird if you have a good relationship with your family. I grew up in a 3 generation household.
I come from a long line of people with no exam results or degrees, let alone careers! Things like wars and pandemics can and do fuck things up, but they can be overcome.
Loud-Bodyxyz@reddit
Here's what worked for me, of course we're all different so I can't guarantee this will help but hopefully it provides a starting point for brain storming:
Firstly, I was very lazy and had no ambition. At this point I read a summary of the book The One Thing and promised to myself that I will commit myself to my one thing which was fitness. Even if I did nothing else all day I would ensure I'm following my workout/diet routine
After doing this I saw the results of my fitness journey and that was the first time in my life where I had set a goal in my mind and actually stuck to it. That was a life changing moment for me. It made me realize that I could achieve things I set my mind to
From there I used that same motivation and applied it to my career. I got a CS degree and have a good job now. Not bad for someone who barely passed high school
So TL;DR the turning point for me was focusing on one thing and actually sticking with it
Also try sleeping 8 hours a night if possible. I notice a big difference between my work ethic when I don't have enough sleep
Honest_Chain4675@reddit
With regards to the relationship side that will happen with time I would recommend getting a job that involves socialising (not necessarily directly) if you get a physical job like lifting stuff and moving it around ect you will notice your body change and you may not fit someone of your t-shirt's any more a Hoby you could just go doun to a sports club and ask to join as a conplat novice or you could try something different but a hobby doesn't have to be anything exciting just as long as you enjoy it if you have a life that's enjoyable and sustainable then I would start looking for a relationship (it can take a while but that just means your more used to a sustainable life and have a more solid platform to venture out from
ProperGanderz@reddit
Therapy. Gym and get into video games of films and TV. If that doesn’t do it then just get on heroin and crack
Draggedintosunliight@reddit
LSD
Dd_8630@reddit
I went back to uni, got a much better degree. I wanted an office job with a strong career progression, went into actuarial, and I love it. It really has turned my life around.
Studying part time at the OU is only £250/month. Go study. Your life won't change if you dint change it
Edelstern@reddit
It sounds like a minor thing, but there are plenty of hobbies and the like that you can take up for free. Duolingo and similar apps are a good example. Learning a language is pretty fun by itself, but stuff like that has the added bonus of giving you something to talk about with like-minded people; those apps tend to have community sections or associated Discord channels, which are a pretty low-stakes way of getting yourself used to socialising a bit. Finding small things that give you something to do during the day and get you a sense of fulfillment were a big help to me whenever I wasn't doing too well!
27 is still very young. You've got plenty of time to find the right path for yourself. Good luck!
Dbob4@reddit
Actual Reddit membership criteria
Confident_Opposite43@reddit
you need a job, even if its just low level retail. Mental health is significantly worse when people don’t work or fill up their time. A job will provide more benefits then just a paycheck to you tbh
Scary-Philosophy-863@reddit
Retail made my mental health worse. If anything, low level jobs make you even more depressed. I don't blame him for not wanting to work. I remember just standing on a train platform contemplating jumping in front of a train one night after work after seeing all the staff having a good laugh then getting all serious and quiet when I walked in to clock in, was the final straw.
Some men are genuinely good guys but just aren't accepted into society. Life was basically the same as his until I finished university and got a job as a physiotherapist.
ScaleBrilliant8525@reddit
Behave how you want, and be aware of the consequences/rewards for behaving in such a way. It is not as complicated of an issue as people believe. Fat and don’t want to be? Eat healthier, implement that behaviour, reap the rewards of someone who eats healthier. Want to look better? Exercise, reap the rewards of someone who regularly exercises. Want to eat the cake? Bear in mind the consequences of eating the cake, you WILL feel like shit later, will be inflamed, will put on weight. Want a girlfriend and don’t feel worthy? Improve yourself first. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a fat, lazy, girlfriend who does nothing to better her life. Women want the same from a man I imagine, well I don’t imagine, I know. So in a nutshell, change your behaviour. Whether your behaviour is good or bad, you reap the rewards of it. And just know, nobody is coming to save you from your behaviour!
SamVimesBootTheory@reddit
Any chance you've sought therapy that might help?
Also to be that person any chance you might be be neurodivergent? It's a really common experience to sort of manage ok or maybe struggle but no one really picks up on it and then burn out pretty hard once you hit adulthood. I found that once I realised what was going on (ASD, ADHD and Dyspraxia) it explained a lot about why I'd been struggling in life.
Slytherin_Chamber@reddit
You sound like you have anhedonia from depression tbh mate.
That could be why you don’t feel like you have any drive to do anything. Does it sound familiar to how you feel?
As for turning things around. Dude, you are 27. That is so young in the grand scheme of things. Look at Robert Downey Jr. He fucked up his whole career from addiction and arrests. He was basically blacklisted and no one would insure him on a set. But he turned his life around and became the face of one of the biggest movie franchises ever.
What are some things you do enjoy? Even if it’s something small like listening to waves on a beach. Start small and work your way up.
As for your last question yeah, I was in the exact same space as you 10 years ago and the same age too. I went and did a 1 year Level 2 BTEC in IT. Because I wasn’t employed it was paid for by the government, I spoke to the Job Centre and discovered it was an option.
Following that I did a 2 year Level 3 BTEC in the same subject. When I was close to finishing that my tutor suggested a apprenticeship with the civil service in IT. I ended up getting that but didn’t get kept on unfortunately as they had a pause on hiring.
All this was from 2014-2018. I did some random jobs and then got a software development apprenticeship in 2019. This was a really good job, being paid over a grand a month, but it got delayed by the pandemic.
Unfortunately when the pandemic happened and we were all forced to stay inside it re-triggered mental health issues that I had previously worked fucking hard to overcome. Agoraphobia, anxiety and panic attacks.
I had to leave the job in the end because with those I couldn’t handle the pressure of learning and exams on top of work while being stuck in my box room.
BUT - despite all this I still want to go forward. You could do the same thing dude. Just having those things on my CV made a massive difference in employment compared to before. It’s like they took me more seriously.
As for the relationship thing. If you can become more confident in yourself people notice that. You will carry yourself differently with your head held high. Maybe once you are into a career you like and feel like you are moving forward you won’t feel as bad as you do now, and that will be noticeable to people.
Don’t bother with tinder. I used Plenty of Fish in the past and had more genuine conversations there which led to dates. Just ask open questions about them, easy way to keep a chat going.
Life is like a cliffjump sometimes. The worst part is the overthinking before you jump. But then you do it and it’s over faster than the time you spent thinking about it.
Also this got super long as I kinda felt like I was writing to my younger self halfway through. Either way mate, things will get better but not on their own. You can do this.
1400SL@reddit
If I was you I would try to attach myself to someone who is maybe a bit "cooler" than you and a bit "higher up the todempole" so to speak. Latch onto them, let them show you around, you'll gather new experiences under your belt and you'll get some new confidence knowing you're friends with cooler people who live a cooler life (if that's what you want)
newworldorderbaby@reddit
I bloody hope so am 48 and hope I can once again. Been here a few times and you can turn your life around as mine is a right mess at the moment. Out of work since covid. Where I found out I have adhd asd and sleep apnea. And just out a abusive relationship since start of year. I found my dad dead when I was younger My sis died in front of my eyes at 22 her 31. My relationship of 18 years with 3 kids ended at 38. Ho I was booted out the house at 15 after me dad died and went to live with me nan. So any way at each point of these I have had to turn my life around especially when I had kids. Then without them. It can be done it can be hard Am in the worsed position now as have no job that’s never been the case before. But I definitely believe I can turn it around I have to believe it and hopefully will as I have before. At least you don’t sound if you have fucked up in life either. Have to find a whole new life again. So as people say looks like , gym , hobbies , I have started painting this year just to chill Went to a art class with some older people last week they where all lovely. But need a job really have been on benefits as hate having no money and want to work. But had to be self employed all my life due to my conditions I don’t suit having a boss lol. But now can not work heavy machinery or drive 🤷🏻♂️. So am back to the drawing board on work With dylexia. Never had a computer or laptop. And most manual jobs am not allowed to do. One thing is for sure life can change at anytime for anyone good or bad. But I have turned my life around a few time. Last time I was on my own for 2 years I went to the gym , played football once a week. Went to cards nights (poker) for interest. I got myself a dog. That was mad when she was a puppy it done my head in how many people wanted to talk to me. One day when I was with my lad we had to go home from the beach because that many people where stopping us. And I don’t like talking to people to much. That day I was almost running from there. So a dog got me back out in nature Had to take her for walks twice a day. Over work is there anythink you like to do or would like to do ?
I would always advise the young to do something your happy doing. You spend 8 hrs or more doing it for years. Am looking into been creative and art at moment. But can bore me to lol. I have never really known what I wanted to do ever and the things I done slowly become boring.
Scary-Philosophy-863@reddit
You're one of the "different" people I guess. You look and seem "normal" from the outside but you seem off because you're not like the rest of the sheeple, you don't parrot the same shit, you don't do the same shit, you're outside the hivemind.
I had the same problem until I was 19, then it sort of clicked and I learned to mimic people. Ideally you want to pick up the desirable human habits such as going to the gym, sports etc... Hardest part is making friends that accept you for being "different". You need to learn how they talk, act etc... then mimic them. Eventually when you progress on the desirable habits such as the gym and get good at a sport, you can move onto higher class humans. That's where you can meet girls from the friendship circles and start a relationship.
I personally chose to take up MMA and became really good at it which earned me the respect of higher value men and women which I used to mimic them and assimilate into upper class humanity.
Pro tip, don't get cocky. As a "different" it's easy to get a sense of superiority as you work your way into higher society while all the sheeple are mindlessly drifting through life as easily programmable NPC's.
annmariejoseph@reddit
When you find Jesus it's just the start of everything coming right (it's slow but real) When you know about him and love him all the worldly things don't matter. However he likes us to have life and have it abundantly He wants us doing well for ourselves and others. Bottom line is He died for you. Join a group. read the bible It's FOR us. Read Dale Carnegies book also and Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers
rabbles-of-roses@reddit
Encouraging someone in a rut to look at religion is how cults get new members.
annmariejoseph@reddit
Not religion at all. Jesus. Simple as that
steveysaidthis@reddit
I was in a similar place to you at 27ish, I now have a nice job, my own house (I'm single but ive got a VR headset so i get by lol) l just brought a new hoover today, its mint! That's not relevant to the post but I love the new hoover!
Essentially you just got to keep trucking dude, apply for everything, do anything that pays, because you might find you like it and meet other people, that leads to the friendships, maybe other jobs and the sexy times etc. Hang in there bruv, I believe in you!
rabbles-of-roses@reddit
I've clawed my way out of depression a few times. Here's what helps.
Exercise. Doesn't matter what, buy some cheap trainers and start jogging if you have too. No-one will look at you twice. Start with low expectations, try 15 minutes on your first day. Then take a day off. Then try 15 minutes again. Then take a day off. Then try 20 minutes. You'll slowly and sustainability build up stamina.
Homecooking. Don't eat junk, try making something healthy for yourself. A basic meal is one source of protein, one source of vegetables, and one source of carbs (ideally complex carbs). It's also a good hobby to have.
Get out and about. A walk through a neighbourhood or a park. Sitting in a cafe reading a book. Basically anything that puts you in society.
If you've never had a job before, start by doing volunteer work somewhere. At the very least, it'll get you out of the home and meeting new people.
Look into adult education courses, the Open University, etc.
Talk to people you care about it. You're still living at home, do you have a good relationship with your family?
Talk to your GP; it genuinely sounds like you might have depression or anxiety.
Don't expect change or progress to happen overnight. Focus on building up habits and hobbies which are sustainable for you
central_center@reddit
I created an account to reply to this, you sound exactly like me 10 years ago. I'll give you a few things that really helped me. Keep in mind that you don't do all these things starting tomorrow, you introduce 1 point a week.
First thing ( and this is the most important )is you need goals. Proper goals. A Short term, medium and long-term goal. Short-term maybe: I'm going to apply to jobs. Medium : maybe I'm going to join a social group to meet people. Longterm: I'm going to save up for a house. You HAVE to break down these goals into manageable chunks.
So if you're goal is to get a job, you sub-goal is to first write a resume, and if that's too much, just googling what jobs are in your area. If joining a social group is too much, break it down to "I'm going to talk to 5 people today". If that's too much, 3. If that's too much, 1. If that's too much I'm going to say hello to 1 person today. The point is that you're breaking your goal down until it's less frightening and you're able to tackle it.
Youre responsible for setting the goals, that's up to you. But for the long-term goal, shoot for something high that really excites you, the best version you can see yourself one day. And fucking aim for it. These goals can change, and they definitely will, especially the long-term goal, because who the fuck knows where their life is going to be in 5 years. And AIM for these goals. You have to get it into you're head that of you don't you're going to fail
Secondly: Health. You have to eat right. Cook you're own food. Hi protein, low carbs, low sugar. Get rid of the processed foods. If it has a chemical in it that you don't understand, don't bother eating it. After I dropped processed food, I realised how shitty that was making me feel. Also get some physical exercise. It doesn't matter what it is, football, jogging, going for long walks. Just get moving. The positive impact on your brain is really incredible, there's tonnes of studies on this. Check those out.
Thirdly: Get proper sleep. 7-8 hours. And this is really important and it's about structuring your life: Makesure you wake up and fall asleep at roughly the same time everyday. Doesn't matter when, it just has to be consistent. I wake up 9am and fall asleep at 1:30am every day.
I know things look shit, it's surprisingly easy to fall off of life's cliff, and it looks impossible to get to where you want because it's so far away, but by breaking it down into manageable sizes, I guarantee makes it easier. Keep in mind that this is your life, the only person saving it is you and you're more than capable.
Ok_Shower4617@reddit
How do you have savings despite no job?
First, get a job, any job. You’ll meet people and have a sense of self-worth, even if you hate your job (you can change the job later).
Go to the gym, or start running or playing some sort of physical sport. Have some sort of interest.
Can you drive? If not, learn.
Maybe even get a dog. Only do this bit if you can meet the requirements for it.
EmergencyOriginal982@reddit
I did a double take here because I was like 'I don't remember typing this?!'. I'm in the same boat man. Its shit but I remind myself it isn't forever.
Therapy and maybe medication can help here
Eyoopmiduck@reddit
What about a list of all the things you are good at, your best qualities, your talents, your positive traits (there will be lots). Don’t judge yourself on your social abilities. A lot of people are just faking it. I’m hopeless socially and avoid social gatherings like the plague but I have a lot of good qualities and abilities, if people are interested in finding out. If not, then sod ’em.
Wide-Philosopher3609@reddit
I cannot text you can u text me ?
Fit-Preparation-7515@reddit
Would you be interested in chatting privately? You sound like me a few years ago. If you are up for it, I would be very happy to share with you my life experience in hopes it might be of help to you. If not, I can just try and write it down here. If you are up for it, I would say let's connect on instagram.
Inside_Sentence_6116@reddit
Sounds about right
Dalifeofpabllo@reddit
This was hard to read but well done for owning up to it. The only person who can make the change is you.
morbid909@reddit
I suggest hobbies and recreational drug use.
_DeanRiding@reddit
Do you have Autism or ADHD? Seriously, it might be worth getting checked.
Aside from that, you're clearly depressed, so you should go to your doctor about that and try getting some therapy (be aware this will likely be a battle). Do a free Autism test online and see what you think, if it comes back positive you might find out a lot about yourself you didn't even realise.
Gullible-Exam9595@reddit
There’s lots of people suggesting that you do a number of things at once, which may be good advice, but could be overwhelming.
I would suggest trying to focus on one thing (could be gym, running, employment, volunteering) to start with, that will hopefully give you some esteem, and then build from there.
I suffered from depression and low self esteem in my early 20s and took up running. I’m not one of the insufferable people who suggests it as cure to everything, but I found having something I got good at improved my self esteem, and having goals to work towards kept me motivated.
mar87fra@reddit
Check out free courses
https://freecoursesinengland.co.uk/free-courses-1/?gclid=CjwKCAjwko21BhAPEiwAwfaQCB8S_yV19TCa5ZjCURfO9-Bwhxxxiy6TZnUpjpruiB3cig6cuK7XqhoCaxMQAvD_BwE&accid=5092&kw=free%20courses%20in%20england&matchtype=b&network=g&campaignid=21201803681&device=m&devicemodel=&loc_physical_ms=9198891&loc_interest_ms=&placement=&creative=697017045014&adposition=&random=2832751571145769187&utm_feeditemid=&utm_device=m&utm_term=free%20courses%20in%20england&utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=FCIE+/+BRAND+CAMPAIGN&hsa_cam=21201803681&hsa_grp=159899047183&hsa_mt=b&hsa_src=g&hsa_ad=697017045014&hsa_acc=8772894239&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_kw=free%20courses%20in%20england&hsa_tgt=kwd-628324193279&hsa_ver=3&gad_source=1
AfroCatapult@reddit
Therapy is a good bet for you. I was in a similar position to you until a family member pulled me out of the shithole village I was living in and gave me a chance. It helped, but it didn't solve any of the problems I'd built up from a lifetime of isolation and loneliness.
I started therapy a year ago and there's been a marked improvement in my mental health since then, including being willing to put myself out there more often and actually try to enjoy life rather than just live it.
Mysterious_Raisin754@reddit
See if you have a 'man shed' locally, they are places setup for men to go and spend time with other guys, get a social network and generally chat. They can also help you find a hobby or skill as you get older guys (retired usually) go in and demonstrate their skills like carpentry, metal work, mechanic, etc.. That will give you an idea of what you might like and then you can get on a course to get some qualifications in that field which you can use to get a job.
The other option is go to the Army/Navy/RAF recruitment office and sign up. You'll get trained and there are loads of options for a career path, it's not all infantry, you'll also get paid, fed and housed. Plus you'll meet a load of new people and make lifelong friendships. Sure parts will be harsh, like getting fit and doing drills, but the feeling of achievement will outweigh that. Add in that you will get to travel and get some amazing experiences as part of the job it's a really good opportunity.
What you really shouldn't do is carry on as you are and expect change to happen to you. You are the only one who can turn this around, help is available but it can only help YOU improve things for yourself.
Also don't end it as you suggested, it doesn't stop the pain it only transfers it somewhere else. The people that love you will never get over it.
tipsymage@reddit
Exercising should be part of your daily routine , don't over think it just start. Don't over do it at first though, it's better to keep going than burn yourself out and quit .
KiwiOld1627@reddit
The other way to look at this is you have no responsibilities, no ties. Look for an opportunity that will take you out of your comfort zone, get a job overseas, on a cargo ship, holiday rep, charter boat crew, military maybe.
Being out of your comfort zone will build your confidence, teach you new skills that you can then develop or apply later.
Being away will open your eyes to new places and people.
The experience will make you more rounded and interesting, and you'll make friend ... maybe even meet girls!!
Roguealicious@reddit
I was in a very similar situation when I was the same age. Lost my job during covid and spent 18 months depressed and unemployed, burning through savings. What helped me massively was routine.
If you're not already get a claim in for universal credit but treat your commitment of x hours a week job hunting as a Monday to Friday 9-5 job (I forget the exact time they require). Helps you back into the workday routine. I also found getting in with a recruitment agency helped me find a job. Target stuff that's easy for you to get to and has regular hours.
I can't stress enough how much just having a regular routine helped. It makes you feel human again and with that all the self care stuff starts improving, which just compounds the good feeling of feeling like a regular person again.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat more, I know how you must be feeling and can relate.
Unflavouredalligator@reddit
Start with something simple like going on walks outside. Listening to upbeat music/a podcast and getting fresh air and movement does heaps to kickstart your mental health engine. You got this 💪🏼
Opening_Section_2269@reddit
Therapy. Just any professional to talk to helps enormously.
DatGuyTP@reddit
It’s up to you to make an effort to change these things. I understand you’re going through it currently but you’re not entitled to people just to be magnetised to you. You need to make effort. I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound sympathetic but there’s one in person who can change this predicament. It’s you.
SlenderGonzalez@reddit
Honestly, just take it one step at a time and stop overthinking.
Best advice? Go gym. The confidence will come naturally and everything else will follow suit
ConeSlingr@reddit
You should honestly consider losing your virginity at a brothel or with an escort. It will more than likely boost your confidence and you can go from there. Also going to the gym regularly will do this too
99orangeking@reddit
The first thing is to look for work- Indeed and LinkedIn are good places to start if you have a type of job in mind. Just pick a random low skilled job that you think you might be okay with doing, like retail. Once you get a job you’ll be in a better position to start dating and
chasimm3@reddit
If you're ready to top yourself, what have you got to lose by trying something new before you do? Might as well take that pottery class, go on that hike, bang a prostitute etc.
dyinginsect@reddit
You sound really low. Have you considered seeing your gp? If that's not for you right now- but please do think about it, there is no shame whatsoever in seeking help when you feel like this, you are not wasting anyone's time, there are things that can be tried- then maybe connecting with a service like Andy's Man Club would be more helpful?
"How can I turn my life around?" is a big question that can't be answered here. You need to break it down into chunks.
Careers advice exists for all ages. You're clearly literate and can use the internet: you're more educated and skilled than a lot of people. Maybe you have pastimes that could lead to work. I'm willing to bet you have a number of skills and abilities that are useful in the world of work that you just don't recognise.
I'd encourage you to consider volunteering. It improves your employability, it helps you develop those social skills, it means you meet people. Most places which work with volunteers will understand the barriers you've mentioned and be set up to support you to do things at your own pace and with help.
jbkb1972@reddit
You could be describing me at your age, I’m married now with 2 kids, still struggling financially because me and my wife work from home and lack of work, but that will be changing soon. There is always hope and things can change when you least expect it. Good luck
MrBiscuits16@reddit
It sounds like you've never really tried to find passion in anything or push yourself out of your comfort zone
Gooncapt@reddit
Start by volunteering in something that interests you maybe? Helping people feels good and it's a nice way to socialise.
Faroutestdude@reddit
You need to look after yourself, give yourself some self love, make sure you keep yourself clean and groomed, buy yourself clothes so you feel better, and new aftershave so you smell nice. Make sure you keep your bedroom tidy and don't fester away stuck in the house. You could use dating apps to meet someone with similar interests. If you get a job, it's a great way to meet new people and a way to get a social circle built up. The more friendly and accommodating, the more you will attract friends. Sometimes you can meet a partner through friends too. The more down beat and depressed you are, the harder you will find it to make friends. You need to make small steps forward to build your confidence, bost yourself by completing small goals manageable goals.
Entire_Elk_2814@reddit
I spent a long time without motivation and ambition. I didn’t have any interest in a particular career and I think that really held me back. In the end, I thought about what I could do rather than what I wanted to do. I picked a career path and rolled the dice. I’ve ended up in a profession with clear career progression and it keeps me motivated. My life kind of fell into place once I made that first decision.
In short, don’t be afraid to make decisions that will affect your life. Even if it goes wrong it probably won’t be that bad and you can always try something else.
Agitated-Loquat5192@reddit
Ok, so I had no aspirations, left school at 14. No qualifications, no partner.
I realised that I wanted a relationship, I needed a woman to push me and give me something to live for really. We all have our WHY? And this was mine.
I decided to do this, I needed to be offering something in return, so that my future wife could see a life with me.. not me just sitting there wanting it to happen.
I went to the gym daily, I applied for a load of trainee jobs in my desired industry.
Fast forward 17 years, I’m a manager for an international finance company, married with 2 children and a dog.
It does get better, I promise you. You just have to work at it.. “you have to work at being happy” - something I live by.. even with the health issues I currently have.
Just landing that job won’t make you happy Just earning xxx money won’t make you happy, Finding that woman won’t make you happy
What will make you happy is being the best version of yourself, and all of the other things you “think” will make you happy, will come along.
Sufficient_Role2327@reddit
If your answer to most of those is yes, then you're already a good deal of the way there. You just have to actually find a job. Look up Indeed, Monster, and Reed.
Wide-Affect-1616@reddit
I honestly think you need to speak with a mental health professional.
Logical_Bit_1666@reddit
Yes, I've been there, and the key for me was setting goals and working at achieving them. Underpinning that was establishing and maintaining a healthy routine.
Set short, medium and long term goals and then come up with a plan to achieve them. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and embrace change.
Remarkable-World-129@reddit
Grow some chest hair, rub some dirt on it and get on it.
T4Y-D-W@reddit
I had a similar sort of issue when I was in my early 20's, no prospects, crippling addictions to all sorts of drugs and no real hope for my future. I found that work was what pushed me to feel success and then actually start living a successful and rewarding life. I'd encourage you start looking for work, hard work at the entry level and then once you've got one consider where you'd love to end up in the best case scenario and just keep working towards it.
Heavy_Hearing3746@reddit
Embrace routine. Form habits. Gain self-confidence.
Wake up early and go powerwalking around the streets. It will set the frame for the day.
Do 5 sets of pushups every day (half as many reps as your maximum per set).
Get a job anywhere (supermarket?) and save up a few grand. Book a two week holiday to Thailand and sleep with at least 10 different prostitutes.
Put yourself in different situations. Find your vibe. Laugh every day.
It's not over till the fat lady sings brother......you're gonna smash it.
HowCanYouBanAJoke@reddit
Thailand, gods country.
williamsburg7@reddit
Thailand is where dreams are made reality 😂
Nice-to-be-nice@reddit
Depression is a crazy thing. I have worked in mental health for 13 years and would love to help you with how you’re looking at yourself and life. If you would like to send me a DM to talk about things, I’d be happy to reply. You’re the only person that can bring yourself out of this situation but doesn’t mean that others can’t help.
bladefiddler@reddit
Tbh it sounds like you need some therapy. I agree with other replies that your post smacks of depression.
As a starter though. It can all boil down to two questions: What do I want? How can I get it?
Depression defaults those answers to I don't know & I can't. Managing it is finding the perseverance & will to find real answers FOR YOU.
There's no road map or shortcuts to happiness kid. Just choose your path & start walking.
jayjaymi@reddit
I always remind myself that my actions today will set the motion for next day. Little things like doing the laundry today will allow me more time to say, play more games, hang around at the mall, sleep etc. So do something positive everyday and start from there.
I found a job and am still employed. Though at times it is boring, I stay with it and have some savings which enable me to go on nice vacations. I'm not an outstanding person in terms of career and status among some peers. Life is never perfect and it is ok to be a late bloomer.
Take care of yourself and do something positive everyday for yourself no matter how small it is. Your health is your best asset. Lastly, I can only say money can buy some happiness. If you are in good health and willing to learn a skill or start on any job, it is already a great start. It takes time to find your place in life and world.
Lower_Possession_697@reddit
You've just got to start making changes, but it's okay if they're small, you have to take one step at a time. You will have to be persistent, but you will feel the benefit as things improve in your life.
MRRichAllen1976@reddit
It'll be 18 years next month since I moved out of my Parents' House aged 30, a fortnight yesterday in fact
MRRichAllen1976@reddit
It'll be 18 years next month since I moved out of my Parents' House aged 30, a fortnight yesterday in fact
smellyfeet25@reddit
ARE YOU HAPPY? or are you comparing yourself to everybody else and thinking you should be doing these things to fit in. ? A lot of people border on the autism spectrum . a lot of people are feeling how you are . what is the first and most wonderful thing you want in your life if you could have a magic wand ? just one .
CelestialCle@reddit
To me you have to want something bad enough and be willing to do what it takes, just remember the Newton's first law of physics that every object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. Also the less you move or do the less you want to move and do.
therealijc@reddit
Get yourself a routine that you enjoy. Like proper have said: join a gym. Pick up hobbies, go to college. Get out of the house and enjoy the sunshine.
I will add that getting up reasonably early, showering, cleaning up and making the most of the day will change your outlook on life too.
Big-Pepper4676@reddit
I haven’t been in your position but I have been unhappy with my situation and lack of relationship. You have to make a change somewhere, and more changes will cascade from there. Maybe try getting a job, just any job and see how it goes. You will probably meet people, feel better about yourself, figure out more what you want to do, mood improves, get more money and think about moving out. Or choose something else but you have to make a change somewhere. I joined my choir and from there a cascade of events and personal changes happened where i now have the career and relationship that I want.
Zennyzenny81@reddit
Well, what things do you want to do? If you did get a girlfriend, what activities would you share with them? There must be some things...
Senuman666@reddit
In a way you are lucky, you can travel, go to south east Asia or something, the ladies there love western men.
F_U_All_66@reddit
Get off your phone, go and meet and speak to girls. Take up hobbies where you might meet them, like learning a new language or whatever interests you.