How can I turn my life around?

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Negative-Leading-687@reddit

It's not very exciting or romantic but the best things to do really are work on the basics.

Maybe start with your sleep schedule, your diet and therapy, once you are doing well with those then move onto finding one hobby that you like and a job that you can tolerate, use the new hobby and job to make friends (something that takes quite a bit of energy and effort).

Start by getting fit, that improves your mentality and work ethic.

Then get a job, work hard and embrace routine.

Then try out a stack of different hobbies:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Hobbies/comments/zqwx6c/the_hobby_master_list_and_their_subreddit/

Baby steps friend.

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flexibee@reddit

Don't fret about this kissing or relationship.

Get a job you're passionate about, and bang a prostitute. That will get you over that.

In time with a normal working life and taking care of yourself, you will find a relationship.

You have to view it from the opposite side, would you want to be intimate with yourself?

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dont_kill_my_vibe09@reddit

OP, don't listen to this part:

and bang a prostitute. That will get you over that.

(And worry about STDs on top of getting a job 👍)

What a cold way to start having sex... Instead of feeling safe and doing it with someone you trust and care about...

If anything, it will make them more depressed. A person in a situation like them with behavioural issues like they describe really doesn't need a cold intimate experience like that. It will just damage them further. They need stable, emotionally supporting relationship experiences as their mental health is fragile during a period like this.

First work on other issues in small steps. Grow and strengthen yourself emotionally. A relationship and sex can come afterwards.

That's why your top subreddits are "doomer", "relationship advice", "depression memes"...

Healthy mhmm.

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postvolta@reddit

Get a job you're passionate about

Sorry but that advice is so useless.

Guy doesn't have a job, let alone passion for anything. Take baby steps. Get any job and figure out the bits of it you like, then move towards a job that has more of the stuff you like and less of the stuff you don't, and keep doing that every couple years.

But you have to do something. You don't go from 'no job' to 'job you're passionate about'. Took me 15 years of full time employment to find a sector, industry, employer and role that I absolutely love that also pays me well enough to live a decent life.

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Kitchen_Run7633@reddit

Cal Newport agrees with you 👍

I'd add that you don't have to be passionate about your job to recognise the value in it. Pride is more likely when you can recognise the value in your job, but none of this requires passion.

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Mizunomafia@reddit

Agreed, but I think education is key here.

Don't worry about not having an extreme interest in something. Few people have. What normally happen is that people take up a trade, an education and dive into it. The more time you spend on something the more interested you will be.

Landscape gardening, bricklaying, IT, nursing. Whatever.

Give it a go. You can do it. And the rest of it will follow.

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gotmunchiez@reddit

Good advice but definitely avoid bricklaying if you have any kind of social anxiety. I know a couple of bricklayers and it's quite a monotonous job so they basically spend 8 hours a day taking the piss out of each other.

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thatscrazy157@reddit

So true. It takes quite a bit of luck to end up with skills for a job you can call passion, as most entry level jobs aren't things that one can immediately call enjoyable.

Could be disheartening to tell someone "get a passion" when their problem is exactly that they can't find something to be passionate about.

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Curious-like-Georg3@reddit

Please do not bang a prostitute lol, as someone who has done this many times you will just feel regret and it will rot your mind and you’ll end up having a negative outlook towards women thinking that they are only for sex

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This is a bit zero to a hundred.

Surely that’s unnecessary if he addresses the surrounding issues first… And integrates into society a bit more…

Ezekiiel@reddit

How is it American? What a weird response to someone trying to help someone who’s lost.

they are if he is handsome and tall

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MrStilton@reddit

There are so many more enjoyable ways in the UK to get exercise

wildOldcheesecake@reddit

This is how I feel with running. When I first started about 5 years ago, I thought I could never make this enjoyable. But now? It’s all about the high I get and I honestly crave it. If I’ve missed a run, it’s like my legs ache and yearn to get outside

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FatRascal_@reddit

Careful with therapy I’d say. A lot of people out there monetising it now. Ask for help via a GP and you may need a solution that doesn’t include therapy.

I’ve had incredible success with SSRIs but terrible results from CBT etc

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ForceUnfair2435@reddit

Proper counselling/therapy is so much better than just SSRIs. Most people are not like this due to a chemical imbalance but due to life going to shit and trauma.

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Neither-Stage-238@reddit

Its also extremely expensive, good luck getting it on the NHS

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Low_Space_12@reddit

This definitely isn't always true - I had therapy and counselling for years but SSRIs have changed my life. The best evidence base is doing both.

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FatRascal_@reddit

You can’t generalise with stuff like this. Therapy didn’t work for me but SSRIs are working a treat.

Everyone who has a mental health issue will be different so their treatment will/should be different

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FunSuspect7449@reddit

Meanwhile SSRIs ruined my life but therapy turned it around

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CherrySG@reddit

Ah yes, Cruelty-Based Therapy.

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trtrtr82@reddit

The evidence base for CBT is pretty thin and imo it's useless for anything more than very mild depression.

The evidence base for SSRIs is pretty thin as well, and some people experience very serious side effects. Proper mental health services would cost billions so easier to dish out pills and ask people to do some CBT training online.

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Go get a job in some kind of retail contact centre... Places that are easy to walk in to. Once you're in, there's loads of scope to move around. Looks good on the CV and they're always crying out for IT staff and degrees usually help you in to management roles. Sometimes, just having a job, no matter how naff it may seem, is all that's needed.

Or look at govt jobs. They're usually a bit more forgiving with gaps in employment. Get in to a department that has no chance of being shut.. Health, education, environment etc. Most work from home. All have excellent pension schemes, holidays. Your degree puts you at an advantage here.

I did what I did just to get the skill to move in to offices. Took a shitty job in energy, decent pay and then left once I'd ironed out my hangups to do the actual job I wanted to do with a regulator. Been there ten years now and no I ye rest in moving. Terms and conditions are great, pension is as good as it gets and I'm finished by half 3 every day. Money could be better but, in a month I'll have no mortgage or anything, just household bills. Usual mundane shite. Winner!

It's been a long haul though and I was truly at the end of my tether when I did what I did. There's still time brah... Just don't think to long because time fucking flies.

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GingerAndTheBiscuits@reddit

Your local authority will likely run or be able to signpost to some adult education courses - as the poster above says, sometimes the new routine of getting out the house is enough to spark something.

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MelloTrip@reddit

I had a look but they don't offer much outside of wellbeing or money wiseness courses. Looking to gain some skills to move forward. I have a degree in IT but been out of work for some time, mostly through illness.

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Sean001001@reddit

Yeah sorry mate, I must have remembered it wrong. It looks like the cut off's 30.

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Faoeoa@reddit

Yup! I actually had this revelation at 19 with no clear sense of direction, stopped showing up to college etc.

abWings89@reddit

Where can I get some Well?

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Mr_Venom@reddit

Talk (social support, therapy)

Health (diet, dental, hygiene, etc)

Routine (sleep, work/life balance, change/stability balance)

Interests (Hobbies and non-work education)

Vocation (gainful employment and lasting legacy)

Exercise

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funkygez@reddit

Thank you.... I can sleep pea equally now ik ow what the 'i' was for. A thousand thanks

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ExposedId@reddit

Thank you Dr Venom. I bow to your symbiotic wisdom!

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NeitherNews6759@reddit

Wow! I went for all those things and instinctively, after forcing myself to leave my wife after 16years.

It's nice seeing them all together and realising what I have achieved so far.

Ollympian@reddit

It can differ depending on your local area, what qualifications you already have and other factors but hopefully this link might help you get started

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/free-courses-for-jobs

Hope this helps!

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MelloTrip@reddit

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it.

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InterestingIsland981@reddit

no worries and good luck!

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nasanu@reddit

All of those require lots of money

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BugInternational5909@reddit

That's why you need a job.

can confirm, gym saved my sanity when I was unemployed, skint and had 2 kids to care for.

GP is a good start, although with the current primary care crisis it can be difficult getting an appointment

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CountJonkler@reddit

I mean I went through a prolonged low period where I was social isolating myself, couldn’t seem to find joy in anything I’d previously enjoyed. It came to a head when I went for a walk one day and I saw a discarded belt in the park and thought “I could hang myself with that”. I caught myself and was shocked that my mind jumped to that thought which prompted me to self-admit myself to the local NHS wellbeing team.

I ended being diagnosed with low mood disorder & general anxiety, did a 6 week CBT course which sorted me right out.

[-]

CBT only has a 50% success rate and isn’t for everyone, but it’s the one that sees the most results hence why its the main therapy on the NHS - CBT therapist at the NHS :)

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Forward-Pollution564@reddit

It’s not success. It’s any change. 50% don’t get anything positive out of CBT, not even neutral and the other 50% experience some change.

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TheWallDemons@reddit

You should probably say CBT means Cognitive Behavioural Therapy because that is not what I thought of first.

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CountJonkler@reddit

What did you think it stood for dare I ask?

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TheWallDemons@reddit

Heh, you're going to hate it.

You’re unemployed now but have you had a job before? What was it?

What do you do during the day/night? What do you like doing?

If you don’t have an answer to the last question- think of a film or book that you like, think about why you like it. Is it the characters, the drama, the action, something else? If you can identify something that resonates with you, you can start to think about why. Maybe you like the Fast and Furious movies because you like cars. So if you like cars, can you drive? Can you fix them? Get a licence or look for a mechanics apprenticeship or something. Or maybe you like a TV comedy. Sign up for a comedy course, see if you can enjoy deconstructing humour and then constructing some yourself. Or maybe you like games? Find a local board game cafe and join a social evening. Or maybe you just love food? Find a cooking class/cookery course/youtube recipe video and make your favourite dish.

I’m just using these as examples because we don’t know very much about you. But I think a good place to start is to think about what kinds of things you’re into and then taking some steps to start making a hobby or a job out of that thing.

If you really feel that you have to / want to turn your life around, it won’t be easy and you will have to do a little bit of something every day. It might sound hard but don’t forget that even 5 minutes of a “thing” today that you didn’t do yesterday is an improvement and a step forward.

Constant joy and happiness very rarely exists. But contentment can be built. And then moments of joy and happiness do come, however fleeting.

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SmeethGoder@reddit

What if there isn't anything you like doing?

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wannabe_rake@reddit

I literally answered that in the 3rd paragraph…

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SmeethGoder@reddit

Thank you for replying

Sorry, I guess what I meant was, what if there isn't anything that resonates with you or that you like in general? What if you're just kind of numb and indifferent to everything?

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wannabe_rake@reddit

I spent a bit of time thinking about this - here’s what I came up with.

I think when you’re feeling like that, it’s all about focusing on the “small” essentials of life. I’m really bad at following a set routine as such but when I don’t feel good I try to do a series of things every day. Literally for me it’s a list - get up, brush teeth, wash face, make a cup of tea, eat, get dressed, etc. You can expand the list to - go for a walk, buy some milk, make lunch, wash the dishes, etc. None of these things are fun (for me anyway) but getting on top of the basics is a good start. By basics I mean taking basic care of yourself and your environment.

Next I think it’s about incorporating a bit of exercise. So the walk might be longer, or you might go for a run. Or if you’ve never ran before, just going to do 30 seconds of running following by 3 mins of walking. Maybe you do that 3 times. Maybe you decide to do the (free) couch to 5k plan. Whatever it is, you make a small commitment to do low key exercise every day, e.g. walk one day, short run the next, etc. If one day you don’t do it, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT. Just go again the next day. If it’s not a run, it could be a 5 minute workout video (thousands if not more free on YouTube). It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t matter even if you don’t like it. The point is just to do it that day, every day (or most days).

It can feel super hard. Or impossible or pointless. But you do your best to ignore those thoughts and just get through the list every day anyway.

After a while, maybe you’ll enjoy some of this, maybe you won’t. When you’re ready - pick another small thing to do. Read a page of a book. Watch a short comedy on iPlayer. Feed the ducks in the park. Try to incorporate this into your basic routine.

And so on. Just adding little things in over time can in a way bring some level of contentment. Maybe you decide to make your own baked beans one day instead of using the ones in the tin. Maybe you try a different way of cooking eggs.

None of these things will necessarily spark up a lifelong passion in you, but they might make you pause and smile, briefly breaking up the numbness.

When you’re ready, or even before you’re really ready, try to find something to do where you’re around other people. Volunteering might be an option or even a low key part time admin type job. Try to do something where you can perhaps start feeling like you’re helping someone (hence the volunteering suggestion) - maybe you give a lonely person a phone call once a week or you do a shift in a charity shop.

Of course if things are really bleak then medical help might be an option too.

In all of these things, try to find something to appreciate.

Finally, maybe the last thing I add for now is, consider picking up a short book on Buddhism or stoicism. Or watch some videos on these topics on YouTube. Those kinds of philosophies can help us cultivate a bit of healthy detachment from the word which, for when we might already be feeling a bit detached anyway, can help turn that feeling into something more useful that mere disinterest.

Does this help at all?

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SmeethGoder@reddit

Thank you for replying

I guess that makes sense. To be honest I don't really do even the basic things like hygiene and essential stuff. I just kind of exist. When it comes to exercise, I go on walks sometimes but not very often. I don't know why I dread exercising, I need to do it more but it's hard.

In terms of other things, I'm currently doing a course on music theory, I'm not enjoying it but I guess it passes time. I just don't seem to enjoy anything ever, which makes it hard to do anything. I did have a look at volunteering, it is really daunting though. And I'm looking at maybe going to university next year, it's very daunting and it's hard to pick a subject when I'm not really passionate about anything but I'm thinking of trying a subject where you learn a lot of things, looking at maybe Film or Music & Sound Design.

Yeah, I mean I am in therapy and on medication, but nothing seems to really help to be honest, trying to come off the meds at least but it's a slow process. I have had a look at Buddhism and stoicism, I listened to the audiobook of Meditations but I need to read it again as I remember very little of it.

Thank you for your advice

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wannabe_rake@reddit

I’m sorry things feel like that for you, I know it must be very hard. It sounds like you are trying all the right things and it must be kinda frustrating to be stuck in a place where as you say nothing is really helping.

I would add that exercise IS hard, really hard, but you pretty much always feel better afterwards than you did before. It took me about 7 years of stop/start running to get to a place where I actually get some enjoyment from it. And there is no doubt in my mind that the commitment and consistency of exercise helps my mental health in ways that literally nothing else does.

I guess the other thing that I’d add is, it’s all a process. You might not see or feel much difference day to day. But if you can make a commitment to the basics (hygiene etc), exercise, maybe some social contact - over time you may well see/feel some change. But it really might take time. Try not to feel too discouraged about that.

I wish you all the best.

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SmeethGoder@reddit

Thank you for replying

Yeah, it does seem like nothing seems to help, I know I don't really put a load of effort in, I tend to try things and then give up quite quickly, but it is frustrating when things don't seem to help.

I guess that's true, I certainly could walk more and could try running, I dunno why it's daunting as it's obviously very simple really. Maybe next time I go for a walk I will try to run for at least part of it, I guess exercise can be anxiety-provoking for me but if it was to have a positive effect then it would at least theoretically be worth it

That's true, I think I struggle to keep going with long-term things but obviously there are big negative impacts to neglect. I guess maybe that's part of the thing about university, perhaps the hope is that it would give me a reason to work on things

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Worldly_Clue_5611@reddit

Onlyfans, Dildo, Vaseline, Paypal

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Ath-e-ist@reddit

Aim smaller, preciser.

Youre not gonna change your life around in a week.

It takes a month to develop a habbit (or break one - apparently anyway)

Start with the absolute smallest change you can make, and slowly increase it.

Read, exercise, socialise. Practice being the person you may want to be.

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SpaceBear98@reddit

Have you ever thought you might be autistic? I was very similar in my late teens and found out I have ASD at 21, since it’s made a real difference to my life as it made me realise the problem wasn’t me, I just had to look at things differently… clearly can’t make a diagnosis off a Reddit post but you’re reading like a tick box of many of the symptoms already :)

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Nitros-not-dead@reddit

Apply to the police force, it’s a job you can’t lose unless you screw up bad! Entry routes can vary and you can end up with a degree, you work with top notch people, it’s a varied role, everyday is different. Try not to focus on the crap that is shown on social media etc, most of that, like any uncontrolled information doesn’t show the full story. It can open lots of doors, your only 27 you could even join the join the armed forces.

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BaseballLonely6554@reddit

If I could make a totally honest suggestion, it would be to read into behavioural psychology. I was 21 when I had my first girlfriend, didn’t drink, didn’t party, didn’t have any goals because I didn’t understand how the world works; more importantly how people work. An old Jamaican guy I used to work with put me onto Man Watching by Desmond Morris, and communication with anyone became easier, I knew how they were feeling without them talking, body language is a large factor in communication. This also reflects how you can progress, being able to understand your own thoughts and desires can do wonders.

I gave the same book to a young guy at my university and honestly, he isn’t the same young timid guy I met in my first year.

Keep up the grind soldier, trust me good things come to those who wait.

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InterestingRaise3187@reddit

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BuffaloMountain9370@reddit

Firstly I just want to say you are so strong for reaching out for help, it’s such a tough thing to do in moments of anguish like this. I relate to a lot of what you’ve said in terms of loneliness. When i’m feeling depressed and lonely I tend to go to the gym, many people in this thread have mentioned this because honestly it really does help in the short and long term, even getting out and going to the gym the first time feels like a big achievement, especially if you struggle with anxiety. Do you have any hobbies? Depending on where you live there might be a meet-up for said hobbies, for instance if you like board games there are usually board game cafe’s etc. If not, picking up a hobby is a really great way to feel accomplished and give you things to talk about with new people! I’m autistic so I struggle with this haha but that’s why hobbies are so useful in that regard because you can ask people about theirs and bond with people over them :)

Honestly, getting even a part time job will help monumentally too. Even if it’s not something you’re interested in the long run like retail or something it gives you a routine which is so important during tough times. It also forces you to go out and talk to people and make connections within your workplace.

About the still living at home part- honestly so many people are in your situation, the housing and even rental market is insane at the moment, i’m only in a place because i’m a student but as soon as that’s over i’m fully expecting to move home for a long period.

Just start planting the seeds in your thoughts. The thing is, you can turn your life around. Maybe you don’t know how. A very wise book says that we walk by faith not by sight. You still all of these things to look forward to, and you have all the time in the world my man.

Unemployed: fight for the good, not against the bad. Seek discipline.

Still live at home = Love and honour your home and parents travel: anywhere you want. Move out: whenever you’re ready.

Relationship: dates, go do something with people- anything.

Never even kissed anyone: it’ll happen, and it’ll feel amazing when it does.

You’re laughing at yourself, good man. Better than self pity.

Never had any career/job/life goals. Make some. Open up your notes app type “goals” and write some. Then let it sink in and develop over weeks, months, years. Your goals. You can change them. Start by setting.

Your educated enough to type well, and to say thank you.

Calling it quits? On your defeatist attitude I hope. Fight for GOOD.

If you don’t feel you have it in you to turn it around, then you are being deceived by your “feelings”. You are capable of a lot more than you think and know. Go and watch any amazing feat of human nature: strong man, Olympic athlete, chess grand master, ronaldo, and then realise that you are the exact same animal.

I was in the same position from 23-27. I clung on to a tiny glimmer of hope that I would eventually get out of the despair. From 27 till now (29) I applied to join the marines, got into a relationship, got a criminal conviction, started studying the bible and attending churches, travelled solo abroad, moved to another place to live with friends I met through the church and also moved college. It’s not ideal, but im no longer experiencing complete despair. I have a hard outdoor job that pays well. I sleep well. I have some friends. I have hope for my future. I didn’t have any of those things 2 years ago. I was unemployed, didn’t sleep, no friends, complete despair.

My last piece of advice is this. Common current advice is to seek help from doctors, medication, therapy. They do not solve the issue. They fix the symptom. Consider focussing your attention on things that have existed and conquered for thousands of years. Love. Buy a book on it, and read it. Change your perspective, go to a different place. Realise that you may be imprisoned right now, and cannot escape for some time. Bide your time. Win the internal fights. Wage guerrilla warfare on your own mind (~Robert Greene).

It’s in you to turn this around, it’s in any one of us, but we don’t know what it is, or how to do it. Fight for it anyway!!!

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curlyfry2888@reddit

I don’t have any advice to give except I’m in the same position as you but I’m a few years younger. It gets lonely sometimes but I try and distract myself. I hope knowing that you aren’t alone helps a little.

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Zun_Choo@reddit

I didn't wanna get too aggressive to the truth of that 1 I need a bit of a break before my plans in action.

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KBDat20@reddit

The first step is acknowledging that right now it's all a bit shit. Posting on Reddit means you don't want it to be shit. This is a great start.

Your driver needs to be YOUR happiness. Fundamentally, how do you feel better about yourself? Listen to how other people talk about their happiness.

Ask them what they did to get there. Realise that everyone has a different path towards that, but notice that the message for most is they did something about it. They took one small step and the momentum carried them the rest of the way.

On the flippity flip, acknowledge that you're going to have bad days and that is all good. Turning your life around will take time, there is no set timeline on when things will click into place.

Be overwhelmed. Be scared. Be exhausted. But don't give up.

I would also add not being interested in career is fine. I go to work not because I love the job, but I love people generally. Living at home is also very limiting. The only way out is if you can make a living.

Romance is best when it's organic. Let the opportunity come to you.

Remind yourself at your worst that you are doing this to see you at your best - no one else's.

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iwork4me@reddit

Get out of your comfort zone... force yourself if you have to.

Nothing else will work. Only then will you start living again

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Lionalstar@reddit

Just try to think about the positives in life, think about what nice things you do have never look at the bad things you have or the memories, your going through a rough time right now but dont let that make you feel useless or miserable, if you want something go for it as life is short and your little actions can make a big difference in life, its endless, your the only one that can change your life, make it the way you want it to be not what the past created as your life is a book waiting to be written. I know how most of what your feeling feels like rn, M16 I dont think about how bad my current situation is as there is always good in everything just got to find it in those small areas, Im in care its miserable but at least I have my brother, just try to find what can make you happy, idk maybe your low on money but at least you got maybe a pet or a loved one with you, you may have not kissed a girl before nor dated one but at least you have love from family and maybe friends. Be happy and have a good day

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Kitchen_Run7633@reddit

Hey bud, the first thing I noticed in your post is that you seem to be a little fatalistic and nihilistic. Listen to people who say that you can have a good life and that it is worth putting in the effort to move in a new direction. Don't spend time with people who put you down or encourage that kind of nihilistic/fatalistic way of thinking.

If you have a bit of money, I highly, HIGHLY recommend the app 'Clarity'. I believe it's a one-off payment or a very affordable annual subscription. It has been incredibly helpful to me. It has an ai that talks to me like I'm valuable and crazy and sad as that may sound. It has made me happier and more able to self evaluate.

I didn't make the app, and I'm not getting any profit suggesting it. No revenue at all, I just found it helpful personally. I'm sure others will mention therapy, and that can also be very helpful.

One thing my friend said to me which stuck with me is to 'just do something that gets you headed in the right direction, keep moving in the right direction, now matter how small the steps'.

I found that helpful. Good luck, my friend. Life is worth the effort. Well done for reaching out and keep going 👏 👍

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Secret-Plum149@reddit

Just live in the moment. Eat well. Get out of the house for exercise ( walking , whatever) Stay away from drink/drugs. Trust yourself& socialise in any form. Good luck. 👍🙏

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awesome899uk@reddit

Get yourself on a chat forum maybe find like minded people into subjects you’re interested in.

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Low-Ad-8828@reddit

There is contradiction here. From the sounds of it, surely one of your life goals is changing some aspects of your situation and circumstances and not remaining in that position. You've already identified some things you haven't done yet that sounds as though you'd like to (such as a relationship).

I'd suggest setting yourself a 30 day challenge. Use it as an experiment to see if it makes you feel differently from now. It's not easy, but you owe it to yourself to give it a go:

Exercise everyday (walking outside is great if you can)
Have a regular bedtime and long enough sleep each night
Eat healthily, but well
avoid all the stuff that can derail you, alcohol drugs etc.
be consciously aware of what you feed your mind - news, social media, TV. Only give it good stuff for the next 30 days...read interesting and optimistic things
put yourself in some situations at least once a week if not more that takes you out of your comfort zone. Take up a hobby and join a club. Force yourself to have a friendly conversation with a someone you don't know,
do a random act of kindness for someone once a week, it will make you feel good.
if someone asks you if you want to go and do x or y...just say yes (people give up asking when the response is uncertain or no or i'll check)
sign up to Tinder or something and go on a date

After the 30 days. Set some time aside to see if you feel differently and reflect. The point isn't for all of these things to go perfectly, it's that you'll have done them and learnt something from them for next time. And you won't fix everything...but you might shift you mindset just enough to start addressing some other things.

And as an idea... set yourself a rule...whilst you procrastinate whether you should do something or not, and whether you have the courage or strength or energy or mood to do it...just... count to 5 in your head... then do that thing anyway (whilst you continue if you choose, to procrastinate about it).

Find a sport you love, fully commit to it, everything else will fall into place. It gives you motivation, energy, confidence, and resilience in everything else you do.

I was in a similar position a few years ago living at home, low on money, and stuck in an admin job that seemed to lead nowhere. My boss suggested I get Audible and listen to a specific audiobook. After reading it, I realised I could fix all of the shitty parts of my life by absorbing a lifetime’s worth of knowledge from experts through books in those areas.

Over two years, I read about 100 books (1 a week) and around 60 more in the next three years. This habit changed my life in ways I never imagined. I learned that career success comes from becoming a professional in your field and working hard (people are happier at things they are good at so the better you get at something the happier you’ll be) and invisible doors will open (the grass is only greener on the other side because it’s better tended to). I also delved into personal finance, discovering strategies like paying yourself first, using a lifetime ISA, and investing in the FTSE 250 and S&P 500.

I read books on philosophy and religion, even though I’m agnostic, which helped me find meaning in making the world a better place for my having existed, in small ways like picking up trash or saving a life.

Fiction taught me empathy (theory of mind) and understanding social cues which helped my social and work life.

Books like those by Tony Robbins and James Clear guided me in goal setting and implementing daily habits to achieve them.

Books are an absolute miracle, even the gift of seeing the world through an author’s eyes as an aftereffect is absolutely wonderful. It’s like an alien-technology or a gift from a God that we can simply stare at ink on a dead tree or put plastic in our ears and absorb a lifetime of expert knowledge, wisdom and experience.

They have changed my life for the better in so many different ways and I’m sure that they can change yours too. If you start reading you won’t be behind for long!!!!

[-]

savemeimatheist@reddit

Go outside. Detox from the internet for a good 3 months.

But you won’t.

[-]

BigTedBear@reddit

Find a hobby for sure you would be surprised how people like to talk about mutual interests like the gym or sports.

I was your age and had no idea what I wanted to do in life I’m 52 now and have been a surveyor for the last 20 years.

I guess what I’m trying to say is we don’t all figure it out at the same time you’re not alone in this and the fact you want to change is the first step.

Both these books allowed me to not only self reflect, but also visualise a life with meaning, structure and most importantly, meaning.

I highly highly recommend some literature for self help.

I found romanticising my reading time to be majorly beneficial. So reading anything and getting away from devices turned me into a more self aware person.

This new lease of life gave me the freedom to express myself in public more confidently, and it’s snowballed from there.

Keep in mind, like all things, it takes time. I really really wanted change, and I kept going even when the results weren’t visible.

Learn guitar or something similar. Its a great outlet and can lead to friends, passion and obtainable goals.

Try stay offline as much as possible, social media is a mental drain and cesspit.

Drink more water, take daily vitamins.

[-]

Proof_Celebration_40@reddit

Go attend the Landmark Forum, you get an opening for action. You’re welcome.

[-]

Love_Anime-@reddit

Just let go of all the labels don't limit yourself to anything get out of your comfort zone and get shit done (try looking into self improvement)

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Careful-Image8868@reddit

Don’t worry about a relationship that is the lowest priority that you need to worry about. Sort out yourself, your confidence and your self worth etc first. Start very slowly. There’s some good advise in the comments.

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DetectivePidgey@reddit

Listen to me closely dude, or lady, a lot of people have said gym/exercise and that is all well and good though I would highly recommend that you give yoga a try

Please consider giving it a go, you can start so small, even just sitting cross legged at home and a few basic stretches (no need to go to classes). Gradually build up to more and watch as you fall in love with your body and mind and bring more peace into your life. Not a narcissistic / egotistical “look at me” type love but more a compassionate self acceptance, planting a small seed of desire to improve yourself every day but only as far as you can go and if you cannot go any further, then that’s OK too

Indeed, me too. I’d try and see a doc about this.

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oliviaxlow@reddit

MonteProps@reddit

Other people are the key mate, whether that be family, friends or colleagues. No man is an island. Being alone all the time is no good for anyone. Like most things in life you must fake it till you make it. Force yourself into social situations and watch your world slowly open up like a flower.

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Extension_Rip315@reddit

Get better slowly each day. Develop a routine for getting up in the morning, eating breakfast and washing. After that you can go back to sleep or do whatever you usually do. Stick to this as best as you can. Then add to it once your ready to.

Even if improving means looking at your room and thinking about how you'd clean and organise it. You don't even have to do it if it's too much to handle.

[-]

evansd66@reddit

Grow a pair!

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Unfair-Equal7813@reddit

My biggest bit of advice? Find a CrossFit gym. You’ll get fit, more confidence and make friends 👍🏻

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Burnseeeeeey@reddit

Stop watching anime and go outside

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Ambitious_Channel_70@reddit

Start working out dude

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Shitpostandtroll@reddit

never had a relationship, never even kissed anyone

So? Plenty of people haven't and they're living good and fulfilled lives.

It's irrelevant and redundant unless you're measuring your success by relationship and kiss ratio. That'd be pretty pathetic, too.

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Ezekiiel@reddit

Be real mate, if you haven’t kissed anyone or had zero sexual experience at that age you’re in the minority.

It’s something that clearly bothers OP, telling him it doesn’t matter won’t help.

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Shitpostandtroll@reddit

if you haven’t kissed anyone or had zero sexual experience at that age you’re in the minority.

And what's wrong with being in the minority?

I am in that minority, lol, and by my choice so it doesn't phase me one bit. Being on the asexual spectrum (I know OP isn't), I'm sorta immune to this kinda thinking pattern where I attach my self worth to these experiences or feel pressured by societial expectations.

Now, you might counter that it's my choice and OP didn't get a choice, bla bla. Well, if he really wanted to kiss someone and do more, he could easily hire someone. He does have savings. But then you'd say it's different because he paid for it, etc. I can debate all day with myself on your behalf but like I said, it's pointless when there are more important matters that need attention.

It’s something that clearly bothers OP

Idk man, if my life was in shambles, this is not even the last thing I'd think about. Of course I know everyone's different but this is something you see mostly teenagers and misogynistic incels obsess over.

My point was, clearly OP has MASSIVE work to do on some VERY IMPORTANT things, so OP should focus on that first instead of obsessing over trivial things like this.

Sure a prick might be uncomfortable but I'd be more worried about the noose hanging around my neck. Priorities, buddy.

Not having experience is no big deal. Crying about not having experience is very unattractive and infact, a red flag for alot of women.

telling him it doesn’t matter won’t help.

Actually, it would help him. Help him focus more on some VERY pressing matters that rank way above the kiss/relationship crap and affect the whole trajectoire of his life and entire existence.

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Ezekiiel@reddit

And what's wrong with being in the minority?

Nothing.

I'm saying it's not normal to get to that age without sexual experiences. It's something that will hinder him when he eventually does get his life in order (I do agree, relationships are the least of his worries right now, he has zero to offer in a relationship as harsh as that may sound) and potentially meet someone.

You're asexual, so you won't seek out what OP wants, your needs and his needs are different.

Not having experience is no big deal. Crying about not having experience is very unattractive and infact, a red flag for alot of women.

It is a massive deal I'm sorry to say, especially at that age which was my entire point. It will show from his interactions with potential dates he has no idea what to do sexually, even basic things like flirting will be alien to him. He needs a lot of work, telling him it's okay because other people don't have sex is not helpful.

But overall I agree with you, he needs to sort a lot of things out before he gets to that point, no-one will want to date a near 30 year old man who has no hobbies, job, money, aspirations. It's time for OP to put his big boy pants on and get his life in check, in the grand scheme of things 27 is 'young' but it's still an age you look at and think yes, you should have some direction in life. He's not a baby, he's a fully grown developed adult.

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Peppemarduk@reddit

There are more 27 years old virgins than you would imagine. Don't stress about that, it's much more common than you think.

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MrjB0ty@reddit

Ffs first you need to realise that you won’t get a girlfriend or a social life if you keep doing what you’re doing. You’re in charge of your life. First get up in the mornings, shower, shave, get a haircut. Next apply for a job. Once you’ve got a job get involved in the social scene. Rent a nice flat. Don’t try it on with women at work. Use Hinge or Bumble, go on dates. Save money for a house deposit. Life is what you make it.

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mars_was_blue_too@reddit

Same except I have a degree, but never had a job before. I’ve tried literally everything to get a job and no one will interview me. I feel like I’m too ugly to work in retail or hospitality lol, managers have even said that before when I applied to places I know people working at, but that was years ago. I’ve had no friends for 8 years. I’m desperate for any job, I want to buy some nice things and move out if I can, but seems like the only way I’ll get one is by lying on my CV and I’m too scared to break the law that way because it would be easy to get in trouble if they want to. I do have dream jobs but there’s no point even thinking about it because it’s not realistic, I’ve tried to get into it before but it’s impossible without connections or experience and even then too competitive. I know I have no experience but I don’t get why no one is even considering hiring me. I have no future, I’ll keep trying and stay hopeful but realistically I’ll never have friends or a life, been living the same day over and over since I left school.

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Beginning-End9098@reddit

M so sorry you feel like this. You can turn your life around, trust me. BUT you can't do it until you decide what you want your life to be.

Make a list of things you want in yiur life. Not dreams. Most of us never achieve those. Just achievable stuff that you wish was different - whether it's more friends, a better job, a gf etc.

Next, ask yourself what you are doing or not doing which is different to the people who have those things. That's your plan.

If you can't figure it out for yourself, reddit would help you. If you post specific things you want to achieve, you will get specific advice.

It feels like you have this sense of an overwhelming challenge. But if yiu break that challenge into smaller, specific objectives, you can tackle it. But trust me, you are not unusual, you're young, and you can do it

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fr0mtherivert0thesea@reddit

Lookamaxxing

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PatienceAble7537@reddit

You already know that you want to amend these things in your life, I suggest best first step is to get into a job, from there you will meet new people, possibly develop a social life, either dislike the job and get motivated to find something you enjoy, or you will like the job and possibly aim to further your career. Once you settle into a job you like I think the rest will come

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calliflowercat@reddit

Therapy, small goals build up confidence. Try new things without worry of failing thinking of it as part of the way

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Eggonjam@reddit

Get a piece of paper and write out what you want. This will take time and may or may not flow out right away, but it has to come from your feelings rather then “well logically I want money”

When you have it then write the question “how do I get that/ make that happen” let your mind come up with some answers.

Write down all the answers.

Then with each of these break them down u yuk the are small doable chunks.

Then get another notebook and right down top to bottom every single day if the next year starting today - every single day in short form like this :

July S27 S28 M29 T 30

Etc

Then wrote foehn everything that you know is happening in the next year next to the date that can’t be moved (holidays, birthdays, work commitments etc)

Now go to next page and write down every day for the next month in a similar fashion but with move space for details.

Now go to next page and the same for every day this week - again more details.

Now go to the next page and take all those action items above and roughly work out a plan for the next 3 months, making your best judgement when to place deadlines or mini goals - basically write out what you would feel great about accomplishing In the next 3 months.

Next page - write out the next 4 weeks and put some real detail on there - what do you want done when?

Then go to the next page and write today’s date.

Write out all your thoughts here. Once you’ve done that make a rough plan for the rest of the day. You can go really granular and put in the hours of the day and make a tight schedule.

Carry the notebook everywhere. Whenever a thought or an idea comes to mind - write it down but don’t do anything else with it - instead execute the plan for the day.

At the end of the day take those ideas and place them somewhere in your monthly overview, or in the next week.

Every day now write the days date down - and go check if there is anything in your yearly/monthly that, weekly overview.

Lastly - allow time to now really feel like doing all this, but always keep that book with you while you do that.

Then next day write out the date again.

In essence - be your own manager/planner. You can do that - you can make your life what you want it to be in terms of at least trying to get what you want - whether you actually get it or not doesn’t actually matter.

[-]

M7MOON@reddit

Life is and always has been about change, that what makes life beautiful how you can find yourself in a better situation that what you thought you would be

[-]

Frequent-Rhubarb-806@reddit

Love the THRIVE idea! Did this a few years back and it worked wonders. You can self-refer to ‘Talking Therapies’ to access legit CBT. In addition ask your GP to assess you for social communication disorder /ASD. (Not liking change, socialising stood out as related symptoms.)

Lastly, please don’t compare yourself to 20-somethings on Social Media.. most of what you see is FAKE and just put on there for them to get the likes.

We believe in you..start with therapy and exercise.

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djfeven@reddit

Lots of good advice on here from others. I can cover the hobbies but: team sport.

Don't worry if you think you suck at sport, plenty of clubs have a range of teams (including development squads) to cover a range of abilities from top elite to beginner.

If you go for a something like rugby or hockey there is a very solid social side i.e. everyone ends up in the clubhouse after games.

You train once a week and games on Saturdays so already you're out doing stuff, and if you're in a team that's 20+ friends already.

OP this is the advice you’re looking for. Trust me. I was in a similar position a few years back and I couldn’t put it any better than this. Good luck.

[-]

zingchao@reddit

This is the best piece of advice here.

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thespiceismight@reddit

buy some of the best books on it

4) Start reading the Bible. This may sound like a weird one to you and others and haven’t seen many people mention it. The Bible has a lot of wisdom and great stories. And you might unlock a different aspect of life you don’t even realise exists in your brain.

5) Finally, seek professional help. Talk to someone about your feelings and thoughts.

Hope you feel better soon - God bless.

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CarefulAstronomer255@reddit

You can't turn it around by doing a sudden 180° turn.

You'll need to do 1° at a time.

Do small things, break goals down into the smallest possible tasks and measures, and cross one off at a time.

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27PercentOfAllStats@reddit

100% this, set some long term goals whatever they might be (get this job, run 5km, walk up a mountain, get this qualification).

Print a picture or reminder of it and put it on the fridge door or your wall that you see everyday.

Start small, really small, how do you do it? Maybe it's the walking up a mountain, you start small, walk 1miles flat a day for a week, then increase to 2miles for a week, then go to a hill, etc. maybe it's an online lesson plan with a target to get a qualification. But be repetitive and regular with each step, make it become routine.

Add rewards to each small achievement, you'll already feel good about the achievement naturally but they also help boost that dopamine. Maybe you play a game online but only after 1hr walk/training/lesson. Maybe it's a chocolate bar at the top of the hill.

Write it down as a plan, but don't be afraid to change that if it's taking longer than you hoped that's not a problem, maybe you're going faster, this is for you and go your own speed.

Most importantly - Tell someone, goals become more real and achievable if you talk about it, your mentality switches. Tell your family, tell them the plan, maybe they can help and encourage too. Celebrate the small wins and keep focus on the plan and remind yourself each day the goal.

[-]

hesevil69@reddit

100% When I was at my lowest I wanted to get back into the gym. I had moved in with parents, as I had been living abroad and now second lockdown was in full force.

Just could not bring myself to go for months and months. Spoke to my mam, she offered to call the gym to organise an induction. Was absolutely gutted. Decided just to make the call, that was my "thing" for the day. 4 days later was my 45 min induction that was my "thing" for the day. Again in another 4 days, then again and again.

Just having one talk with my mam, lead me going to the gym for 2 years (4 days a week), and moving abroad once more, to starting a new career.

Most of the help started with having one small thing to do each day, and you can feel proud of and build up.

[-]

Silent_Buyer6578@reddit

Moms are great, in a low point in my early 20s my mum contacted a university about a course related to something I was doing as a hobby.

She spoke to me about it, convinced me to go and talk to them (I was effectively a shut in at this point), 8 years later i have a blossoming career in the field, life is good, I’m happy, settled down.

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JB_UK@reddit

What I would do: pick a job which you could see yourself doing, which is relatively well paid, but which you can take a course in to get a foot in the door, skilled trades are the obvious ones, but ask around on reddit. Then sign up for a course, but make sure that it's in person. If you can, ask people around you for help if you need money. I think this will fix multiple issues at once, it gives a sense of purpose and a goal, it creates an obligation and expectation from those around you that you will attend the course and make something of it, it surrounds you with other people doing a similar thing, which gives a group of contacts and potentially friends, and it means after a few years you can have a job which will allow you to take the next stage in your life.

I think if you can it's better to put yourself in a totally different context, not try to make incremental changes and not try to do everything yourself.

[-]

JB_UK@reddit

What I would do: pick a job which you could see yourself doing, which is relatively well paid, but which you can take a course in to get a foot in the door, skilled trades are the obvious ones, then sign up for a course, but make sure that it's in person. If you can, ask people around you for help if you need money. I think this will fix multiple issues at once, it gives a sense of purpose, it surrounds you with other people doing a similar thing, which gives a group of contacts and potentially friends, and it means after a few years you can have a job which will allow you to take the next stage in your life.

I think if you can it's better to put yourself in a totally different context, not try to make incremental changes.

[-]

limpek2882@reddit

So what ya do all days..

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Life-Duty-965@reddit

Hey man yeah I was a bit like that.

I became a bit obsessed with making friends and trying to meet people. I started with How to Win friends and Influence People. It's a fun easy read.

I really wanted a gf and it took years. But now married!!

It was just a case of meeting as many people as possible. That means work, hobbies, and going to stuff.

I just started saying yes to opportunities. I was an awful companion to start with. Fortunately some very patient people let me tag along to stuff. I often said nothing all night. I'm probably neuro divergent, dunno, but I found it so hard.

I had to really work at learning how to socialise. But the more I did it the better I got.

I learned to say "hello Dave" as a confident greeting. People love to hear their name. I learned to be interested in people's lives, everyone wants to be heard.

The more I did, the more interesting I became. The more stories I had. The easier it was to find a connection. I did things I didn't really like such as go to the local league 2 football. But now I have a bank of football chat which is crucial in my experience!!

I went on some holidays. It's a classic small talk opener, been anywhere nice? Got any holiday plans?

Join the get motivated sub. Plenty of tips on getting going. Starting is the hard bit. You need will power to get started. But fortunately, only to get started. It's easier once you are out there.

Start by sticking to routines and healthy practices. Groom. Tidy. Educate. Exercise. Small steps. Change one thing easy day.

The difference between doing something and not doing something is.... Doing something!

I got with my wife when I saw her with some friends and I saw her and was like omg she is stunning. And we ended up talking. By this point I had plenty of stories and quips ready. I did a lot of listening and talked about things that interested her. Because of my wider experiences I could keep the conversation going, I knew things to ask and had some anecdotes of my own.

Turns out that she was fed up of guys just wanting to get with her because was hot and no guys actually wanted to date her and get to know her. I guess I was the right person at the right time. I'm definitely punching haha

But it would never have happened if I didn't get out there.

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Previous-Ad7618@reddit

27 gives you maybe 60 years on the clock if you look after yourself.

You've got ages. Start today.

Put the girls bit on the shelf. You need to love yourself first.

Your goal should be a routine and a job first. Out of bed. Shower. Excersise. Breakfast and then sort out job hunting.

Once you've got enough money yiu can look at moving out and then worry about girls.

As everyone else has said, you need therapy. That's nothing to be ashamed of. I think most people do.

[-]

KingofCalais@reddit

Yes, ive been in a similar position 4 years ago. I watched a Jordan Peterson video where he said to clean your room as a first step, but that felt overwhelming to me as id not cleaned it for 10+ years and there was at least a foot high pile of rubbish covering the floor. I cleaned the bathroom instead, then i found it didnt seem so overwhelming anymore and it felt good to do something that wasnt drugs or video games. So i cleaned my room (over several days). Next step was to start working out, which i did at home with a pair of dumbbells i could adjust the weight on.

A couple of weeks after that i got a job, this was during covid and i had no skills or experience so i got an agency job packing and scanning covid test kits in a warehouse, 12 hour night shifts 4 on 4 off. Found i quite enjoyed that too, and i really enjoyed being rich (in my eyes, before that i had lived on birthday money and occasional money from my nan and blagged off everyone i knew). But, i knew i didnt want to do 12 hour night shifts for the rest of my life, so decided to find something i did want to do for the rest of my life. That was weird as hell to me at the time, id never thought like that in my life, never really looked ahead hopefully only ever with dread and loathing. I settled on history/ archaeology, and ill be finishing my degree next year hopefully, currently on track for first class honours.

Oh, and it turns out when you work out, are employed, and (most importantly) leave the house, you are more successful with women too. Who knew?

To answer your question, you turn your life around 1 step at a time. You arent going to magically wake up one day and everything is better, unless you do something about it.

[-]

IloveLegs02@reddit

Bro this is exactly what I am going through, you are literally me it's just that I am 25 and you are 27

I have no job, no degree, no interests, no friends, no relationships, no nothing

I am a complete failure & a loser, I wish I shouldn't have been born

[-]

Critical_C0conut@reddit

First - get yourself outside in the air and be active. You’ll be amazed at how this can change your mindset. If the thought of going to a gym full of other people bothers you just simply take a walk around wherever you live. Create a few different routes you can follow and get into a routine. Take it up a notch by starting to jog and improve your distances/pace with goals you set yourself (don’t try to over achieve). This will give you an incredible sense of achievement.

Second - get a job. Something you’d feel comfortable with and at least an industry you’re interested in. There’s a lot of jobs out there and plenty which are exclusively work from home. I wouldn’t worry about not having a degree, most of us have to start from the bottom and climb up. If you’re in a big company and want to progress but don’t have the qualification, they will help you. The key getting in somewhere and having a steady income so you can at least put money aside in savings (set a goal for yourself) and you have a budget to spend on yourself for material things and hobbies. There must be something you’re interested in! Gaming, driving, clothes, collections etc.

Do not worry about not having a relationship. You’re not obliged to have one lol. If you really want one then there’s plenty of dating apps. But you may just naturally meet someone wherever you get a job or if you’re out and about! Time is on your side.

Any changes you make to do more will only make your life better :)

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NiceDolphin2223@reddit

The best advice I can give is - your life will not turn around at this stage. It will only start to make sense when you try something. Try gymming, finding hobbies, work, look around for inspiration.

The amazing thing about life is that you are still young. It is amazing what a year of blindly taking actions will shift your life into.

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CupOfMorningBrown@reddit

You could literally get a job and kiss a person in one day. Just like one whole day could change your whole life around. If you gave up today it could have all changed tomorrow. I think it’s worth holding on.

First thing you’ve got to do is say out loud your intentions with conviction. You put that shit out there and it manifests.

Next you take a shower and go outside. Good things happen outside your bedroom.

Go for coffee with anyone you can trust. Lay it all out and ask for advice and help. I know you know someone who can help you with some steps. They might offer to help write a cv or introduce you to their cute cousin. Exciting times.

You got this dude.

[-]

PeioPinu@reddit

Are you a man?

Are you mildly hot? Become gay, we are very forgiving (We will give oral to anyone with a pulse).

[-]

ChrisFromLondon@reddit

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Personal-Emp@reddit

Here's what worked for me, of course we're all different so I can't guarantee this will help but hopefully it provides a starting point for brain storming:

Firstly, I was very lazy and had no ambition. At this point I read a summary of the book The One Thing and promised to myself that I will commit myself to my one thing which was fitness. Even if I did nothing else all day I would ensure I'm following my workout/diet routine

After doing this I saw the results of my fitness journey and that was the first time in my life where I had set a goal in my mind and actually stuck to it. That was a life changing moment for me. It made me realize that I could achieve things I set my mind to

From there I used that same motivation and applied it to my career. I got a CS degree and have a good job now. Not bad for someone who barely passed high school

So TL;DR the turning point for me was focusing on one thing and actually sticking with it

Also try sleeping 8 hours a night if possible. I notice a big difference between my work ethic when I don't have enough sleep

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Selenite327@reddit

Small steps are key with this. I say this as someone who dropped out of Uni due to MH issues and was struggling to just exist for a long time.

All of the responses will sound daunting but thats okay. Split them into small steps, if you can, start planning your day. Write a list of things you are interested in or would like to look into as a hobby and plan that. Even if you wanted to just do a 5 minute walk a day with music or a podcast. But don't forget your necessary things like sleep, hygiene etc. Staying consistent with that will help!

I struggle with Anxiety and Depression and when I was really unwell, one of my steps in the morning was to open the curtains. Thats it. Small but intentional and often helped me feel like I could do my next step. When I was unemployed during this period, I would look at 1 page of indeed or NHS jobs. Its all I could manage but that was okay.

Therapy would be a good place to start too, possibly CBT but speak to your GP about a referral (do an econsult if you struggle to speak on the phone like me!) and often times, these services also help with employment or can refer / give information to you for services that can help!

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seola76@reddit

Break it down into small steps, make a list of things you want to change then work out what you can do in the short, medium and long term. It'll be much less overwhelming once you've solved some of the easier issues. Making little changes will also help you build up to bigger ones. Build momentum, don't just sit there wondering why nothing has changed.

Left a bad relationship.

Moved town.

Went therapy.

Went gym.

Got a more secure relationship with the good friends and family ditched the rest.

I'm 31 now and am in a new career, have a 2 bed flat I rent a spare room out of, have an amazing new girlfriend, the strongest I've ever been, best relationship with family I've ever had, a few v close friends, best relationship with myself I've ever had. And guess what, in my country I've still got over 3 times the amount of work years ahead of me as I have done already. It's never too late to make changes but the longer you wait the less time you have to enjoy it. People who have gone through uni and stuff, especially of doing masters or PHDs are only just starting careers at your age, if your American you've only only an adult legal for 6 years.

The human brain develops until 25, bone density and muscle strength peaks 33 to 35 and with training stays until 40s, you've only just got to the age the body slows its collagen production, your body is still fit and young enough to recover, energy levels don't tend to drop until about 42 and can be extended qith training and keeping mentally active.

Get out there and do it tomorrow morning the new you starts.

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SoloNo7@reddit

It's too late really mate. Best you can hope for is a min wage job and a shit rented flat. Probably best to try and get on ESA + PIP with Housing benefit and stay on them for the rest of your life.

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gillbo20@reddit

Please see a doctor and get some therapy. You can get past this and have a great life but it sounds like you need a bit of help getting there

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Pademel0n@reddit

Play chess

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caliandris@reddit

Start with writing down your perfect day. What would you do, who would you be with? Don't think about practical stuff, just pure fantasy. Imagine yourself there.

Then do one thing towards that perfect day. Doesn't matter what it is. Just change something. Notice what you are feeling when you go about your day. Do I really enjoy being inside, outside? Do I like to be with people or alone. Keep noticing.

Next week choose another thing to change. It can be as small as you like. Join a club. Declutter your room. Start gardening.

Look out for other people to help. Look out for things you can do which may help someone whether you know them or not. See how that feels.

After two weeks look at your perfect day again. Is it the same? Did anything change? Add in detail. Imagine yourself there

Week three change another thing. Get a haircut. Volunteer. Start walking or running. It doesn't matter. Change one thing. Practice gratitude. Practice forgiveness.

Carry on. Each week add one thing. Learn another language. Take a course. Find a mentor. Think a out the perfect day altering anything which changes for you.

I hope you find your path to the person you are meant to be, the best version of yourself, and achieve what you need to achieve to find your perfect day.

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ChairmanSunYatSen@reddit

Coming from an ex junky, you won't turn it around until you seriously want to. As long as you're content, nothing will change. You can tell yourself you'll change, you can have a brief moment of clarity and think "I'm a waste of space", but that's not enough

You will have to put a bit of effort in at some point, but you will find your way.

Life's not a race, quicker you try and run it, the quicker its over.

There's always someone worse off than you.

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Fit_Champion667@reddit

Most of these comments are completely idealistic. You will not be able to make revolutionary changes overnight like everyone’s suggesting, but you can take small steps.

Over the last few years I’ve had goals as simple as “stand outside” and failed to do that. Break up whatever you’ve got to do into tiny, seemingly pointless tasks.

You need some sort of purpose, try give yourself one goal each day, no matter how small & tick it off, literally on pen and paper, at the end of the night.

With time, you’ll be able to look back at your paper with your completed goals and see that you’ve achieved something. You can then slowly increase the difficulty of your goals.

Try move your body in some way, if walking seems like too much work, then stand up and do some jumping jacks. Anything just now is an improvement.

You have it in you to make change, it’s just your idea of change seems too out of reach. Small goals over a long enough period of time will mount up to amazing progress! You’ve got this, just give yourself a chance.

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Electronic-Pop5682@reddit

Man..... join the military, it will give you everything you dont have and you will be serving your country.

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Repulsive-Pear6391@reddit

Thank you for posting this OP. I’m 33 and in a similar position. Reading through other’s responses is really helping me, so thank you for taking this first step in turning your life around. You’ve helped me too 🙏

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LGDarkman@reddit

Buddhism

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PlasticDouble9354@reddit

You’re 27 buddy, you’re still young but god damn, stop wasting your life

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PM_ME_VEG_PICS@reddit

Hey, sounds like you might have depression and I have experienced that and know what it can feel like so hope some of this helps. And to be honest, even if you don't have depression the below might help.

Don't even think about the kissing thing, it really doesn't matter and unless you are specifically telling people about no one will even be thinking about it when they interact with you.
Try and get some therapy. In my local area you can self refer online for mental health issues, I know it isn't the same everywhere so check with your doctors surgery, it will say on their website. Also if you are feeling really bad please ring Samaritans.
Hobbies, are there anythings you do enjoy? If you like the outside then right now the butterfly survey is going on. You download an app and log butterflies that you see, it gives a guide to recognising them so if you are like me and just go "oh that's a nice one and so is that" then you can actually put the proper name in. It doesn't matter where you live as even in really urban places we get butterflies, try a local park if you don't have a garden.

If you don't like the outdoors then what about art, you can start drawing pretty cheaply.

Finally, online hobbies (I know some people won't think these are going to help), gaming, that geo locator thing where people find places on Google maps, learning a language etc.

Job, you are probably able to get free classes for some skills so look those up in your local area. I've no idea what the job centre is like these days so can't say anything about that. I don't think it matter if you have no goals in life, the jobs we do are all important to keeping society functioning and plenty of people just want to go to work and then at the end of the day leave the building and not think about it until they go back in the next morning. A world of CEOs wouldn't function!

General

Some additional points. Do you like structure? When I was at my lowest point I'd lost all structure and wasn't washing or cleaning, I was just existing. I made a very gradual habits plan. It was something like (each week built on the week before);

Week 1 Clean teeth every morning

Week 2 Clean teeth before bed

Week 3 Wash every morning

Week 4 Wear clean clothes

Anyway, hopefully you get the point. I also slowly worked my way through cleaning, starting with my bedroom and setting little goals.

Mate, it's going to be tough, so my first piece of advice is not to be tough on yourself - first step is to figure out a plan.

Personally, I'd start by aiming for a customer service kinda job. It will be a shock to your system, but when you socially have to talk to people in your day to day it really helps with your confidence in talking to people outside of work.

These places also tend to be some of the most social as well, so you'll get the chance to go to events, little drinks after work and you'll find your people.

Give yourself little goals - for example, at the moment I want to build 1 month's salary as a buffer and as long as I'm putting something aside towards that I take that as good enough. It's my own goal, it's what I want to do and as long as I'm taking a step towards that, that's good enough for me.

Speak to your GP about getting access to mental health help. It sounds like you might be dealing with some symptoms of depression. It's scary giving it a name or having to work on it with a therapist, but it will help you longer term to identify what's going on with you and I personally found it helpful to realise that I wasn't going crazy a lot of the time it was that I hadn't picked up on some of my patterns and didn't have strategies to cope with it.

Relationships and things will come eventually - I'd stay away from making that a huge goal for now because generally if you're not happy or comfortable with at least some of who you are, it'll be really difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. Everyone is capable and deserving of love though including you, so be very kind to yourself in this regard if you do start pursuing stuff. You can't control what other people think or feel, but you can control what you do in reaction to that.

I really hope you end up getting yourself into a better place, and I want to say big yourself up for putting yourself out there like this in a public forum. Hoping for the best for you OP!

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K-91001@reddit

So I was exactly like this, I live in the UK so was on the dole and very unhappy with myself went through some very dark times (I know it sounds cliche) but I started working out from home and downloaded some online games and the rest fell into place, I now have a loving fiance, stable job and been in the best shape of my life.

Honestly it was life changing I was almost 19 stone now I'm 12.5 stone (weight) it was tough but all worth it.

Join the Army (or other AF)

plenty of options and gives stability while you decide what you want career wise. I could throw pros and cons, and I understand it isn't for some people but always consider it...

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supernova888@reddit

Do you think you might be autistic by any chance? This is similar to me and I'm waiting for diagnosis. You may not think you have it, but read the list of symptoms and you might be surprised. I only ever knew the stereotype, I think the media gives us a false impression of autism so a lot of people don't realise they have it. I have had a lot of autistic friends too, but I didn't act like them. They say when you've met one autistic person you've met one autistic person however, they're all very different. I think I also have ADHD which changes the presentation of autism. It's hard to get anything done with both.

In terms of jobs, I've had a lot of trouble with those too due to not being able to tolerate the working environment. I was working in a reception having to greet people every day and I hated it. After leaving that role I've had a lot of employment advice and now I'm chasing jobs I can actually tolerate rather than forcing myself into something unsuitable. I've had 5 interviews recently so things are getting better. I would advise you to get some employment advice, there are a few depression focused ones in my area so there might be in yours. I've never really known what to do in life either, just what I disliked doing. If you have a hobby you strongly enjoy I recommend seeing if you can do that as a job.

I didn't get a degree either because I didn't think I could handle it after years of bullying. It's important to know your own limits. Autistic people often develop depression trying to fit into a neurotypical world so you might have that too. You can also get alexithymia with both autism and depression that means you can't recognise your emotions or describe them. Autism is often mistaken for depression. I've never kissed anyone either but I'm also asexual. That was a whole other mind fuck when you realise you've never been sexually attracted to anyone, only aesthetically attracted.

I think to turn things around you need to follow what you really want rather than doing what society expects you to do. You're just hurting yourself trying to meet expectations you can't. What you want matters. A lot of people will advise you the usual things, but going to the gym is stressful, the noise, dealing with people, the social expectations, and the cost are all barriers. There's a million things that make it harder when you are autistic or depressed and not everyone sees them so they can be judgemental, I know from dealing with my uncle. They don't know you though, they can't be an accurate judge.

If you can get therapy definitely do so, it kept me going. Definitely visit your doctor and tell them how you're feeling, be prepared to advocate for yourself if they don't listen. It might help to take in a note with what you want to say, I always forget. If you don't want to see a doctor then you can self-refer for therapy in some places. The waiting lists are long, but there are some services you can access straight away. You sound very depressed so I think you should tell someone close to you right away. After reading this post go tell your parents because they will want to know, I'm sure they're already worried about you. Change can be scary, but sometimes it can be good. It's better to try to improve things, people who try to end their lives usually just want things to get better and often regret it straight away. Don't be too hard on yourself. I stopped doing it and I instantly felt relief. Know your limits and please get help. Just start small, one day at a time.

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gintokireddit@reddit

Hard for anyone to give advice without knowing you.

There might be some organisations nearby that offer support for long-term unemployed that can advise you and help you find courses to do to get into a career.

Finding one moderately social hobby to try could help.

I then focused on a job, apply to anything, ( I mean anything btw), because you'll get one of two things out of that. Either you'll realise what jobs you actually want because you're reading and thinking no thanks , or you get practice in interviews and a job that at worst tides you over.

Once you're into that situation start to focus on something you like, and just find a club to do it, you'll make the friends and socialise because you have passion

Oh and if there's anything you know you probably do too much off( gaming, porn whatever) just cut it down, don't go cold turkey because you'll relapse worse, just reduce time so you're having to fill the boredom with progressing yourself

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Free_Improvement_904@reddit

Sorry to hear what you're going through. While my experiences don't mirror yours exactly there are a few similarities so I thought I'd share my experiences and what helped for me.

Firstly the relationships, I'm about 10 years older than you and only got into my first one a couple of years ago, you've still got loads of time to meet someone, also don't compare yourself to where others are at in life. If the lack of kissing/ sex is a major source of anxiety/ worry you could always hire an escort, send me a PM for a couple of websites you can try I probably can't list them here. Also regarding dating I'd recommend getting yourself on some dating apps (tinder, bumble and hinge were the 3 I used), it may take a while to meet someone but you've got much more of a chance than if you weren't on any apps.

For the education I'd maybe look at your local college or check the council website for any qualifications they offer. Have a look through the prospectus and see if any of the courses jump out at you, some of them will be free if you haven't got any qualifications. Also a degree isn't everything, if I was 18 again I don't think I'd bother with one due to the costs, I'd go down the apprenticeship route.

While you're looking for work/ somewhere to study maybe try volunteering somewhere, I worked in a charity shop for a bit and it gave me more confidence and a bit of a routine.

I'm also not great with change and don't like spending a lot of time around people as I find it draining, I'm not sure if this one can be changed completely as it's part of who you are. But that doesn't mean you can't get more comfortable with it or find it easier to deal with. Look for groups on your local Facebook page, or join a gym and do some exercise classes, try Googling mens shed or hackerspace, see if a local pub runs a poker night. I used to use the website 'Meetup', do you enjoy any sports, look for a local club.

You mention 'calling it quits' when your money runs out, if you're referring to suicide please talk to a therapist about this it's not the answer.

I think you should also try and talk to someone, you'd be surprised how much it helps to share your feelings with someone. Either your parents, a therapist or the sanitarians ( or a similar type of helpline)

I know I've listed a lot, it doesn't have to all be done immediately, just try and pick one thing and start small, maybe try getting into a routine doing something. I promise it will get easier. Also don't worry about any setbacks they happen to everyone in all walks of life.

Just one last comment and something that only really hit me recently. Life is short don't waste it try and do things that you enjoy, find new things you can do and experience, you only get to be here once. And while you might not care now, in 5/10 years you may look back with a completely different mindset and wished it hadn't taken so long.

I think you would benefit from a role model. You need to decide what it is that you want to be doing and then find someone in that area who can advise or that you can follow through social media and give you something to aspire to.

If there really is nothing that you are interested in then that might be a sign of clinical depression and you may need medical help with that.

But if you can think of anything that you might like to be involved in 20-40 hours a week then try to find someone that can support you into that.

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RamblingRose63@reddit

Try dmt and weed brownies then you will get the courage to travel and once you travel you will find your zest for life somewhere else and can move there. There are people for you somewhere. Get the balls to go find them. If you can't get the balls get stoned lol

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rAkedia@reddit

Hey mate, if this is all true youve done the hardest thing already. Just being honest and saying it how it is to people. Ive been in your situation in the past and honestly I totally understand if all the comments about going to the gym and just getting any job has already crossed your mind already. You probably already know that's the change that 'might' make things better but it's finding the motivation to do so.

You probably already know excerising and going to work is where you want to start, but it's finding the motivation and just knowing what it is you want to do that is the hard part.

For a few years in my teens Id finished 6th form, didn't have the grades for Uni (no motivation to study), didn't really feel like I had actual friends (even though I got along with most of my school mates) was socially awkward and while to be fair the odd girl fancied me I was so awkward I had no gfs, no job, no prospects or any idea what I wanted to do going forward.

It sounds like while you're probably down about everything, you're in a comfortable situation in terms of whatever your daily routine is. You do this and that and the other through the day and then you sleep, and then you repeat the next day. And while it's comfortable day by day you're ultimately left feeling like you're going nowhere and it's getting you down. I was in this situation for years in my early 20s.

I knew getting a job, excerising, finding a hobby might change things but it's just finding the motivation to do it and somehow beating all those doubts in your mind that put you off doing it in the first place is the hard part. You're being told to excercise, and you're thinking yeah I'll do that, but then some thoughts cross your mind where you think to yourself well I don't have the right trainers for excercise, nor the right gear, what route do I go to run? Where do I go to gym? And you end up thinking all those doubts then you just decide not to excercise.

Same logic applies for working or finding a hobby. How do I start? If you're socially shy, feeling shit, then that will override your desire to do any of those things.

Ultimately I think posting on the internet, being brave and telling it like it is is the hard part.

For you I think find a day when you're free and just do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. It could be just leaving the house and running until you're out of breath and you can't run anymore, even if that's only after 20 minutes. Just run for a few minutes. Don't make plans on your route, just run down the road or wherever aimlessly then walk back. Don't plan just aimlessly run and feel tired. Let your legs hurt and feel out of breath and just walk back home. Go to bed and lie in bed and think about how that made you feel. Go home, everything else as usual, bedtime, lie in bed and think about how you felt when you were running.

Or it could be something that makes you uncomfortable in a different way like just send your CV you haven't updated in years to any company. You might feel embarrassed by your CV but just send it to an employer anyway. Even just getting a response from them saying sorry not this time is fucking class. Those things that you're thinking to yourself is small to everyone else, fuck that. It's impressive, it's big! And if doing those small but uncomfortable things is big for you, then they are important things.

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James-Worthington@reddit

To quote Simon Squib,

You must have a dream? What’s your dream? If you could do anything to make money, what would that look like?

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urtcheese@reddit

Move out. Work out.

What a luxury to not have to find a career and make your way in the world.

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BroodLord1962@reddit

First step to turning it round is to get a job. Getting a job means you will meet people, have money to have a social life, and possibly the money to take a girl out on a date.

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Yavion@reddit

Necessity. Seem you dont have to and thats why you dont.

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OneRareMaker@reddit

First of all, you are holding yourself by not believing in yourself. So, your primary limitation is who you say you are, to yourself.

Be your best friend, not your enemy. Be kind and encouraging to yourself.

Write things that are important to you for happiness in life. Rank them according to how you currently do. See what's wrong with it, and how you would have changed it.

Then, with those, set a future goal, think real but think big. Make it just above feasible, but TOTALLY believe in it! You can't every achieve higher than your goals, so set your goals higher, be satisfied with whatever you achieve.

Hesitancy to change means you want to stay as is, which you don't. Embrace shaking your life, starting a new life, a new you. Follow tons of self development content on Instagram, it will slowly sink in, in a month.

Change things. Get a job. Apply open university. Go to professional training, etc. Don't look forward to the goal. Enjoy now.

Be your best friend, not your enemy. Be kind and encouraging to yourself.

I recently read a book called Clear Thinking by Shane Parrish.

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Water_panda369@reddit

Meditation, exercise, going out in nature. Get some sunshine. Think of what you loved to do as a child and try to find adult groups or community’s that resinate with that. Move out of your parents. Go on an adventure. Jump out of an airplane go ride a bull. Shoot some guns, go fishing maybe go to church.. hire a mentor to give you a little direction and motivation.

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SunTricky8763@reddit

I always grew up resisting full time work but when I did it, man did it change my world. Not saying that you have to do it forever but when it felt hopeless…making money in the time I would usually waste, gave me less time to think about myself and my problems and made me happier, more balanced, more relaxed as well. Also means that if you meet someone you like you’re not pinching every penny.

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piyopiyopi@reddit

Join the navy. Give it some thought.

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gloomsbury@reddit

I'd start by going to your GP and getting the ball rolling re: mental health support. You seem pretty depressed, and I wonder if you might be neurodivergent - I'm currently in the process of seeking an assessment for ADD and autism and the things you struggle with socially sound very similar to me (no relationship experience, not good with change or new experiences, lack of motivation and feeling stuck in life).

It also might be a good idea to look into college courses and/or volunteering opportunities to ease into working and get an idea of what you might want to do as a paid job eventually? At the very least it'll get you out of the house and give you some routine, and you might meet some people there who you get along with.

You can do almost anything which can be liberating and crippling

Bet on yourself

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GRAWRGER@reddit

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Top_Voice4031@reddit

Walk - walking every day is amazingly good for you in so many ways.

It helps physical and mental health. Gives you time to think.

It’s a good first step to everything else - no pun intended. Also you can do it right now with no equipment

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Old-Man-Here@reddit

I don't think you can change now, You are dead inside, no coming back from that.

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cannontd@reddit

Listen mate, it took you a long time to hold these habits. It won’t take long to make changes, but it won’t be overnight. Finding a reason to go out more will help. Finding a reason to learn a skill will help. Getting a job and having a purpose each day and a routine will help. In time other things will work themselves out.

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PlentyMembership5101@reddit

Firstly you're not a unique position lots of people find themselves in this position over time and they make positive changes to get more enjoyment from their life. So this is the first thing you can do; do not delude yourself into thinking you are special and in a uniquely shit situation. You're not you're just average.

Second thing if you do want tomorrow to be the same as today then you need to do something different today than what you did yesterday. So do that. Every day do something you didn't do the day before. Put yourself in positions you might not be comfortable.

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velos85@reddit

Get yourself to the gym or any sort of exercise. Yes it will be REALLY tough at first, but being active genuinely makes such a difference to your life.

No you don't have a ripped massive gym guy, but getting the blood pumping and muscles working can do wonders.

Start with making your bed, as they say.

I have been in a similar position - up until a year ago, I was jobless and hopeless and seemingly hell bent on slow suicide with booze.

No obvious transcendental awakening occurred or anything like that - one morning, I just felt fed up of being ashamed of the way I lived. With horrendous withdrawals, I spent about an hour tidying up. Then I was knackered. But the next day, I did it again and also had one less beer. Then I phoned a friend.

A year onwards, I am healthier, I'm sober, I have a girlfriend and I'm training for a job in something that I'm passionate about. If you had told me a year ago that I would have what I have now, I'd have thought you were talking bollocks. Make small changes, take small steps, but keep taking them.

What I would do: pick a job which you could see yourself doing, which is relatively well paid, but which you can take a course in to get a foot in the door, skilled trades are the obvious ones, but ask around on reddit. Then sign up for a course, but make sure that it's in person. If you can, ask people around you for help if you need money. I think this will fix multiple issues at once, it gives a sense of purpose and a goal, it creates an obligation and expectation from those around you that you will attend the course and make something of it, it surrounds you with other people doing a similar thing, which gives a group of contacts and potentially friends, and it means after a few years you can have a job which will allow you to take the next stage in your life.

I think if you can it's better to put yourself in a totally different context, not try to make incremental changes and not try to do everything yourself.

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AdCurrent1125@reddit

I'll pay for this with downvotes...

But you should read or watch or listen to some pre-2020 Jordan Peterson.

That stuff is literally written precisely for you in your exact situation.

It's the middle ground between....it's ok it's not your fault you're probably autistic hun just be yourself....

...and...

... Andrew Tate.

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spaded131@reddit

Ah yes the advice from a man who clearly doesn't have his shit together or the advice of a human trafficking piece of shit...

And don't assume you can diagnose someone with autism from a paragraph

Op Get professional help, that's the best option, not Reddit

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AdCurrent1125@reddit

Actually taking a scroll through the comments....the Tate boys and the "it's ok hun just be yourself" people are are already here dominating the conversation.... OP is fucked

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Ezekiiel@reddit

Someone suggested downloading Duolingo… to. 27 year old virgin. This website is a right fucking laugh

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AdCurrent1125@reddit

People who don't have their shit together can and do help others get their shit together. It's the entire basis of AA and other groups.

In fact... rejecting advice because the person giving it is flawed is a fucking stupid idea.

Wouldn't have it any other way

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10395837582914@reddit

Keep your chin up my guy. Start small. Change eating / drinking habits. Get proper sleep. Go exercise, even if it's a 10 minute walk round the block.

There's loads of people in a similar situation. You're not alone. Seek help if you need to, absolutely no shame in that.

I recommend reading Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for life. Great book... Also check out some of his lectures.

Pm me anytime on here if you feel like you need to.

Loves bro. ❤️

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madzuk@reddit

Rome wasn't built in a day.

Invest in yourself. But do it in small achievable steps. Think deeply about what you enjoy, your passions. Then think about how you can use that to develop and become the best person of yourself. Start small though or you will lose motivation. Take baby steps or you'll feel overwhelmed or won't enjoy the journey.

Once you do that, you start working in a career, develop skills, through that life forces you to develop social skills and through that everything else can fall into place. Friends, girlfriend etc. You just have to step out of your comfort zone, that's how you grow.

If you start working on a career and hobbies, everything else in life starts to pick up and your confidence can grow. You could even go traveling to pick up confidence and get perspective. Of course life will still constantly have downs but you'll have the ups to balance it out.

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Decent_Initiative766@reddit

Someone else mentioned learning a language. So download duolingo and start learning! (I recommend German)

Remember happiness is moments, you might think having an amazing job will make you happy 100% of the time - It won’t. Find happiness in moments, be it with a loved one, a pet or just personal accomplishments!

Laescha@reddit

Everyone is different, but for someone who enjoys languages, it gives you a little bit of structure every day, a sense of progress and achievement, and gets you back into the habit of doing hard things and making mistakes and just getting on and trying again until it works.

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robster9090@reddit

I’m not discounting that, it just seems extremely niche when there could be plenty of things OP could do right now to see little improvements. I’d expect a suggestion like that maybe for someone looking for a hobby not someone that’s said they will burn through savings and end it

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Lokijai@reddit

I was the same as you, no job no life, no hope. Just stayed at home everyday playing video games. Then I decided to just apply for anything at well known companies.

After a lot of time and not giving up I am now 10 years older.

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PM_ME_VAPORWAVE@reddit

Idk bro I’m in the same situation minus not having a girlfriend. I’m going to end it soon too

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External_Lab7887@reddit

If you feel your life isn't going anywhere, it's not too late to go to uni, mate. Lots of unis are offering clearing places right now. You can get student finance. Study something you find interesting. It's a great experience and might get you out of your shell a bit.

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Complex-Piano-81@reddit

It's never too late to change your life. I was much the same as you at 27. I decided to go to uni as a mature student, then I ended up doing a Masters after my undergrad degree. I now have a job I (mostly) enjoy. And I've had 3 short relationships. I also took up running, yoga, and woodworking.

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Coconutpieplates@reddit

Volunteer to build up experience and confidence. Part time casual job to get used to work and a routine will do wonders. Go for walks or join gym or exercise classes, you'll feel so much more sociable and happy within yourself. When you're happier with your life it shows in yourself and attracts people and the rest follows eventually.

This all sounds simple and straightforward but it's big things that can intimidate people but you're okay once you're in it, you just have to make the first steps like a volunteer application or cv online to a shop then it will push you forward. Good luck! I have been in that hopeless place where it feels like I couldn't turn it around but you will! Just take the first steps.

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Throwawaylol21345@reddit

Face in the other direction

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ScenesafetyPPE@reddit

Respectfully…have you ever been evaluated for Autism?

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Acceptable-You-4813@reddit

You really need to take action. Life owes us nothing. If you have no goals you will go nowhere.

Look at things you can study to help you find a job You will have a better chance of a relationship when you are happy with yourself

Find some hobbies and exercise

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Flat_Revolution5130@reddit

Your 27. Not to late to take that plumbing course. Become your own boss by 40. People always need plumbers.

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NorthenSowl@reddit

Get a job

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thefuturesorange@reddit

One issue at a time. It’s overwhelming to tackle everything at once. How about start with a job, any job, any amount of hours per week and take it from there?

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Significant-Bat-9503@reddit

It’s extremely hard out there for young men these days and nobody seems to want to talk about it. So much is expected of us and we are judged and ridiculed if we don’t conform to those expectations..with little to no help, sympathy or support from society.

It’s a lack of purpose more than anything in my opinion, once you have a solid purpose and goal everything else just slots into place.

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AnacondaChoka@reddit

Military. It changed my life when I was in a similar boat to you.

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gateaucatto@reddit

Join a gym, wake up early ish and have a look online for some apprenticeships carpentry, IT, accountancy. Apply for a bunch. Get an additional job in the meantime, part time even.

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IHATESBMMbro@reddit

Get into forex. Being financially free is the only important thing. Rest of life is easy then. I'm 31. Just become profitable. Using funded firms to get money. I've had a few relationships but mainly just for sex. But it's not the same. You want to get financially free then find someone worth settling with. You still got time.i have been leaning forex for a year and a half. Now it's to grind for the next year or 2 then look to settle...

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Odd-Weekend8016@reddit

Ever considered the Armed Forces? Training, structure, social life, getting away from home, all on a plate.

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Icy-Cod9863@reddit

never had a relationship, never even kissed anyone,

Keep it that way. Trust me, just don't lol. You have proven you're not one who subscribes to degeneracy.

But as others have said, gymnasium, a job and hobbies are the way to go.

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woke_karen@reddit

Get a part-time job so you don't feel too overwhelmed.

Join a gym and go 3/4 times a week. Weights, not cardio.

Find a hobby you like or two and go regularly.

Confidence will build up over time.

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Ok-Tea-3802@reddit

You need to get out of your rut and now before it takes over your life. life’s there for living you don’t know what’s round the corner. Join a club get a job so you’ll meet people your age and build up friendships. Or go travelling and teach English somewhere abroad. I was similar to your self. I went to Las Vegas with some mates. I travelled separately. That really gave me confidence to get out of my comfort zone and definitely helped my mental health after that I applied for a better job and eventually met my wife who is my best mate. Good luck hope it all works out for you.

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tommyredbeard@reddit

If you don’t have any goals why do you want to change your life? There must be something you feel like you’re missing.

If it’s a partner then confidence is the one my friend. Go to the gym, go swimming, go walking, ride a bike. It’s amazing the difference it makes to your confidence.

Also, get a job. Any job at first, you’ll discover things you like and don’t like.

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psychmancer@reddit

You need to make a change. Go outside, go to the gym, learn to cook. Get hobbies that involve others. It's a process. University funnily enough is great for almost all of this and you can apply as an older student, just do lots of the activities and clubs and groups.

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poppyo13@reddit

Sertraline - give it a few months

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JoelMahon@reddit

I don’t deal well with change, new people/places etc. Not the best socially, never been to a party or anything like that.

these are all changed by repeatedly pushing your comfort zone

no one is born with good social skills, they come with practice, etc.

improving your life will take effort, resolve, sweat, grit, etc. but as long as you stick with it and TRY to get a little better every day (you won't always succeed), you'll get there.

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the-cock-slap-phenom@reddit

I was actually in nearly this exact same situation last year, was basically a shut in for many years and doing much better now.

I started with the medical route, which involved CBT with my local mental health team, and also getting a diagnosis for why I was so tired all the time (hypothyroidism).

That gave me a good start, then I just made progress bit by bit. Started going for walks to get out of house, then going to cinema, then joined a board game club, then made some friends within the club.

Same with exercising. Started with the walks, then started cycling, then started going to gym twice a week, then three times a week, then four times, then 5 times, now usually go 6 times a week and seeing good progress.

For dating, I just started with dating apps. First step was actually responding to any matches I got, then getting better at actually having conversations, then actually asking them out, then starting to make moves while out on dates.

This isn’t all with one person. Not to sound cold, but each person was kind of a “test” to progress how far I was comfortable going.

My overall point is that it’s all step by step, and once you’re comfortable with step 1, move on to step 2 etc. eventually you’re on step 5 and all the other steps no longer bother you.

Each step is just easier than the last. I was in the “just message girls” phase for quite a long time, then suddenly hit the dating phase and I’m then arranging dates with multiple people and not worrying about it.

My point is that it’s disproportionately harder at the start, but it gets easier and progress to reach where you want to be gets exponentially faster.

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Helpful-Tap-4088@reddit

You have to start small. No grand schemes. No huge changes. No master plan. Do the little things well. Challenge yourself to 1 good thing daily. For instance do 1 thing that benefits someone else every day. You live at home still? Cool, cook the tea or mow the lawn (without expectation of reward). Or organise that thing you've been putting off for months.

Go out for a walk every day and let your mind wander, it's clear you need to think and reflect.

Remember that a job is a job too, who cares if it's retail, warehouse, commercial or a restaurant? They're all positive influences in society and you hey money and a purpose.

If it helps I'm not a people person. I don't like going out or meeting new people and socialising, but finding a sport I love changed my life around. I found like minded people and you quickly realise you're not on your own. And it's OK to not be OK.

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Good0times@reddit

The main thing in your position would be to focus on getting a job. Try out different things, like kitchen work, call centres, warehouses, until you find something suitable. Once you have your own income, you'll have a lot more choice and freedom, and you will be able to look ahead further.

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Upstairs-Ad-748@reddit

I feel in the same boat brother, I'm 27m, also never been in a relationship or been intimate, had 4 failed businesses, went bankrupt at 21, still living at home, can't drive and just feel like a total mess every night wishing it was over.

As that doesn't seem to be happening though my short term plan is starting work next week (I'd highly recommend call centre work for building up your confidence) and then hitting the gym to shift some mega needed pounds off.

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FatRascal_@reddit

Firstly, doesn’t matter what qualifications you have or how many people you have kissed; you have worth and the world is a better place with you in it.

Consider things to improve about yourself one thing at a time. Don’t consider things all at once because they become overwhelming very quickly, especially if you’ve been struggling with low self-esteem to begin with. I’ve very much been there, and in fact I’ve just gone through a patch of incredible low self worth that I feel I can see the end of myself. So I’m right there with you on this.

Take small steps, understand that life is a long process and you’re never “finished”.

“Hit the gym” is the meme response, but it is also great advice. You’ll meet all sorts there, but you’ll meet plenty of people who are all pulling for each other in their self improvement. You’ll feel better and see yourself improving over time. You’ll have something to lose yourself in and forget your troubles for a while. There’s nothing simpler for your brain than “lift the heavy thing” as an activity, it’s great!

This next thing is going to sound silly, but hear me out…it’s very very easy to point out all the negative things in life and let those thoughts live in our brains, lay out in there and get comfy. We need to evict those toxic thoughts. How do we do that? Replace them with better thoughts. Start small, pointing out things that you see that are beautiful or that you like “that’s a cool tree”, “that can is a nice colour”, “that oil slick on the road makes a nice rainbow effect that looks nice”…small seemingly silly things all build up. You’ll be training your brain to notice more positive things than negative over time, and your mindset changes.

My private messages are always open if you need to chat about things anonymously or vent to someone who might get where you’re coming from.

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PsychedelicKM@reddit

Therapy

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NeighborhoodOk3610@reddit

Hi - Sorry to hear that you are struggling, I can definitely sympathise... May I suggest reading a book. It is called the 7 habits of highly effective people by Steven Covey. Now before you say no automatically, please give it a go, it is not expensive and I can honestly say, it has changed lots of things for the better for me. It is one of those books that 'managers' like to suggest people read to inspire their people, whilst never actually reading it themselves. Whilst it is beneficial in a work environment, this book deals more with the reasons we do what we do and what triggers our brain to get into, and out of the slump that you find yourself in. It gives advice on relationships, family, self motivation and the core 'things' that if done correctly, help a person to find some peace, meaning and direction in life, all without preaching what to do. Good luck and I hope this helps.

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HactuallyNo@reddit

You do this. Joe Wick's exercise for beginners:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6olj0O3h4w

It takes 15 minutes. You will feel fundamentally different afterwards. You are almost definitely leading a life currently where your body is not producing any endorphins.

There is a lot of other stuff to do, from finding a hobby/sport and the community that goes along with it, to visiting a prostitute, to learning how to cook, but this 15 minutes of exercise is something you can do now, and in 30 minutes time you will be a new person. Tired, but mentally refreshed.

Do it.

Put on some drum and bass as that will help you amp up, even if you think is shit music (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KWy64-D_8k)

(If you are disabled then check out this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlVO0K2A-a4 or this for more research https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/exercising-from-home)

What can you do today that you will be glad about tomorrow?

15 minutes of exercise. 15 minutes. That's like less time that you go for a shit.

Do it.

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spindleyterror@reddit

Sounds like shit life syndrome. Cure is get out of your own way, and make the changes in yourself and the external changes will come

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SpittingCobra1@reddit

At the next exit, turn right

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FeistyTradition5714@reddit

Start believing in yourself

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DrMetters@reddit

I was in the boad but things have turned around a bit now. At 31 I applied to Domino's. They literally didn't give a interview. They just gave me a job. I forced on learning all the pizza topping to get more hours.

Then I used that money on myself. Better diet, indulging in hobbies I couldn't do. I even had money to bulk buy things that tend to be cheaper when you do so.

I understand getting a job isn't going to solve everything. But having more income allowed me to live better. I'm still considered poor to most but I'm better.

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cabropiola@reddit

Learn to program with free code camp , be consistent, you might like it . It's creative , challenging , pays well (ideally you just enjoy it and don't think for a while about money and job) and you don't have to socialize much. When you are 30 you will have a cool skill that is very valued.

Socially, you don't have to be the life and soul of the party or the social butterfly. As a manic depressive, I was both and sometimes I was a recluse. Be the grey man; be happy in your box and if you yearn for more as your confidence grows, go for it.

Relationship wise, it's not a priority. You'll risk ending up with someone just like you. I've been there, it's toxic. Get yourself in a better place first. Increase your self worth then market that increased worth.

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Kraknoix007@reddit

Go to a party? Get a job? Finish an education even if you don't like it, most people don't. Just start taking responsibility for yourself

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PlentyIllustrious195@reddit

Start somewhere, anywhere that would hire you. It doesn't have to be a job you are passionate at or one that you would want to do forever, just any job would do to start. Just make sure it involves interacting with people and that you have colleagues.

Do that for awhile and then see how you feel about it. Not how you feel on day 1 but how you feel on day 90.

Assess if you are better off in any tiny way, a little bit of money/ 1 person you connect with everyday/ something you look forward to everyday - if you are 1% better off then keep at it. If you are not, quit and find another job and repeat. If you are at 0% right now the only way to go is up right. Anything has got to be better than nothing.

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curiouslad200@reddit

I can give u my blueprint . I was mid 20s rejected from the army and hardly had a skill or qualification to my name, depressed and going nowhere fast, life was grim.

enrolled on an access course in Nursing ;studied every night, passed all my exams, and got into university as a student's nurse.

I started working in a care home part- time during my studies , and then as I gained experience and confidence, I went into NHS as a care assistant on staff bank .

3 yrs later, I qualified as a staff nurse. Made lots of mates at uni in sports clubs who I'm still friends with. Have a career , house, woman...

You can change ur life u just need a good plan and to work hard

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SlightChallenge0@reddit

Our son is a bit younger than you, but apart from that you could be twins.

We tried lots of different things, some with his help and some without.

One month in Chiang Mai did the trick.

He is still living at home with no job or girlfriend, but he is now comfortable in his own skin and has started to rebuild real life friendships and other normal shit.

I have not probed too deeply, but he clearly got a lot of female attention out there (wear a condom).

I am not kidding, that single month as well as the journey there and back on his own, really flipped a switch and so far it has not flipped back.

If you need money, get a low level, low stress job and leave it if it it makes you miserable. Use that money on things that make you feel better.

Not having a piece of paper with a qualification on it, does not make you uneducated.

Living at home is not weird if you have a good relationship with your family. I grew up in a 3 generation household.

I come from a long line of people with no exam results or degrees, let alone careers! Things like wars and pandemics can and do fuck things up, but they can be overcome.

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Loud-Bodyxyz@reddit

Here's what worked for me, of course we're all different so I can't guarantee this will help but hopefully it provides a starting point for brain storming:

Firstly, I was very lazy and had no ambition. At this point I read a summary of the book The One Thing and promised to myself that I will commit myself to my one thing which was fitness. Even if I did nothing else all day I would ensure I'm following my workout/diet routine

After doing this I saw the results of my fitness journey and that was the first time in my life where I had set a goal in my mind and actually stuck to it. That was a life changing moment for me. It made me realize that I could achieve things I set my mind to

From there I used that same motivation and applied it to my career. I got a CS degree and have a good job now. Not bad for someone who barely passed high school

So TL;DR the turning point for me was focusing on one thing and actually sticking with it

Also try sleeping 8 hours a night if possible. I notice a big difference between my work ethic when I don't have enough sleep

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Honest_Chain4675@reddit

With regards to the relationship side that will happen with time I would recommend getting a job that involves socialising (not necessarily directly) if you get a physical job like lifting stuff and moving it around ect you will notice your body change and you may not fit someone of your t-shirt's any more a Hoby you could just go doun to a sports club and ask to join as a conplat novice or you could try something different but a hobby doesn't have to be anything exciting just as long as you enjoy it if you have a life that's enjoyable and sustainable then I would start looking for a relationship (it can take a while but that just means your more used to a sustainable life and have a more solid platform to venture out from

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ProperGanderz@reddit

Therapy. Gym and get into video games of films and TV. If that doesn’t do it then just get on heroin and crack

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Actual Reddit membership criteria

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Confident_Opposite43@reddit

you need a job, even if its just low level retail. Mental health is significantly worse when people don’t work or fill up their time. A job will provide more benefits then just a paycheck to you tbh

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Scary-Philosophy-863@reddit

Retail made my mental health worse. If anything, low level jobs make you even more depressed. I don't blame him for not wanting to work. I remember just standing on a train platform contemplating jumping in front of a train one night after work after seeing all the staff having a good laugh then getting all serious and quiet when I walked in to clock in, was the final straw.

Some men are genuinely good guys but just aren't accepted into society. Life was basically the same as his until I finished university and got a job as a physiotherapist.

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ScaleBrilliant8525@reddit

Behave how you want, and be aware of the consequences/rewards for behaving in such a way. It is not as complicated of an issue as people believe. Fat and don’t want to be? Eat healthier, implement that behaviour, reap the rewards of someone who eats healthier. Want to look better? Exercise, reap the rewards of someone who regularly exercises. Want to eat the cake? Bear in mind the consequences of eating the cake, you WILL feel like shit later, will be inflamed, will put on weight. Want a girlfriend and don’t feel worthy? Improve yourself first. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a fat, lazy, girlfriend who does nothing to better her life. Women want the same from a man I imagine, well I don’t imagine, I know. So in a nutshell, change your behaviour. Whether your behaviour is good or bad, you reap the rewards of it. And just know, nobody is coming to save you from your behaviour!

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SamVimesBootTheory@reddit

Any chance you've sought therapy that might help?

Also to be that person any chance you might be be neurodivergent? It's a really common experience to sort of manage ok or maybe struggle but no one really picks up on it and then burn out pretty hard once you hit adulthood. I found that once I realised what was going on (ASD, ADHD and Dyspraxia) it explained a lot about why I'd been struggling in life.

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Slytherin_Chamber@reddit

You sound like you have anhedonia from depression tbh mate.

Anhedonia is the inability to experience joy or pleasure. You may feel numb or less interested in things that you once enjoyed. It's a common symptom of many mental health conditions like depression.

That could be why you don’t feel like you have any drive to do anything. Does it sound familiar to how you feel?

As for turning things around. Dude, you are 27. That is so young in the grand scheme of things. Look at Robert Downey Jr. He fucked up his whole career from addiction and arrests. He was basically blacklisted and no one would insure him on a set. But he turned his life around and became the face of one of the biggest movie franchises ever.

What are some things you do enjoy? Even if it’s something small like listening to waves on a beach. Start small and work your way up.

As for your last question yeah, I was in the exact same space as you 10 years ago and the same age too. I went and did a 1 year Level 2 BTEC in IT. Because I wasn’t employed it was paid for by the government, I spoke to the Job Centre and discovered it was an option.

Following that I did a 2 year Level 3 BTEC in the same subject. When I was close to finishing that my tutor suggested a apprenticeship with the civil service in IT. I ended up getting that but didn’t get kept on unfortunately as they had a pause on hiring.

All this was from 2014-2018. I did some random jobs and then got a software development apprenticeship in 2019. This was a really good job, being paid over a grand a month, but it got delayed by the pandemic.

Unfortunately when the pandemic happened and we were all forced to stay inside it re-triggered mental health issues that I had previously worked fucking hard to overcome. Agoraphobia, anxiety and panic attacks.

I had to leave the job in the end because with those I couldn’t handle the pressure of learning and exams on top of work while being stuck in my box room.

BUT - despite all this I still want to go forward. You could do the same thing dude. Just having those things on my CV made a massive difference in employment compared to before. It’s like they took me more seriously.

As for the relationship thing. If you can become more confident in yourself people notice that. You will carry yourself differently with your head held high. Maybe once you are into a career you like and feel like you are moving forward you won’t feel as bad as you do now, and that will be noticeable to people.

Don’t bother with tinder. I used Plenty of Fish in the past and had more genuine conversations there which led to dates. Just ask open questions about them, easy way to keep a chat going.

Life is like a cliffjump sometimes. The worst part is the overthinking before you jump. But then you do it and it’s over faster than the time you spent thinking about it.

I was in a similar place to you at 27ish, I now have a nice job, my own house (I'm single but ive got a VR headset so i get by lol) l just brought a new hoover today, its mint! That's not relevant to the post but I love the new hoover!

Essentially you just got to keep trucking dude, apply for everything, do anything that pays, because you might find you like it and meet other people, that leads to the friendships, maybe other jobs and the sexy times etc. Hang in there bruv, I believe in you!

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rabbles-of-roses@reddit

I've clawed my way out of depression a few times. Here's what helps.

Exercise. Doesn't matter what, buy some cheap trainers and start jogging if you have too. No-one will look at you twice. Start with low expectations, try 15 minutes on your first day. Then take a day off. Then try 15 minutes again. Then take a day off. Then try 20 minutes. You'll slowly and sustainability build up stamina.
Homecooking. Don't eat junk, try making something healthy for yourself. A basic meal is one source of protein, one source of vegetables, and one source of carbs (ideally complex carbs). It's also a good hobby to have.
Get out and about. A walk through a neighbourhood or a park. Sitting in a cafe reading a book. Basically anything that puts you in society.
If you've never had a job before, start by doing volunteer work somewhere. At the very least, it'll get you out of the home and meeting new people.
Look into adult education courses, the Open University, etc.
Talk to people you care about it. You're still living at home, do you have a good relationship with your family?
Talk to your GP; it genuinely sounds like you might have depression or anxiety.
Don't expect change or progress to happen overnight. Focus on building up habits and hobbies which are sustainable for you

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central_center@reddit

I created an account to reply to this, you sound exactly like me 10 years ago. I'll give you a few things that really helped me. Keep in mind that you don't do all these things starting tomorrow, you introduce 1 point a week.

First thing ( and this is the most important )is you need goals. Proper goals. A Short term, medium and long-term goal. Short-term maybe: I'm going to apply to jobs. Medium : maybe I'm going to join a social group to meet people. Longterm: I'm going to save up for a house. You HAVE to break down these goals into manageable chunks.

So if you're goal is to get a job, you sub-goal is to first write a resume, and if that's too much, just googling what jobs are in your area. If joining a social group is too much, break it down to "I'm going to talk to 5 people today". If that's too much, 3. If that's too much, 1. If that's too much I'm going to say hello to 1 person today. The point is that you're breaking your goal down until it's less frightening and you're able to tackle it.

Youre responsible for setting the goals, that's up to you. But for the long-term goal, shoot for something high that really excites you, the best version you can see yourself one day. And fucking aim for it. These goals can change, and they definitely will, especially the long-term goal, because who the fuck knows where their life is going to be in 5 years. And AIM for these goals. You have to get it into you're head that of you don't you're going to fail

Secondly: Health. You have to eat right. Cook you're own food. Hi protein, low carbs, low sugar. Get rid of the processed foods. If it has a chemical in it that you don't understand, don't bother eating it. After I dropped processed food, I realised how shitty that was making me feel. Also get some physical exercise. It doesn't matter what it is, football, jogging, going for long walks. Just get moving. The positive impact on your brain is really incredible, there's tonnes of studies on this. Check those out.

Thirdly: Get proper sleep. 7-8 hours. And this is really important and it's about structuring your life: Makesure you wake up and fall asleep at roughly the same time everyday. Doesn't matter when, it just has to be consistent. I wake up 9am and fall asleep at 1:30am every day.

I know things look shit, it's surprisingly easy to fall off of life's cliff, and it looks impossible to get to where you want because it's so far away, but by breaking it down into manageable sizes, I guarantee makes it easier. Keep in mind that this is your life, the only person saving it is you and you're more than capable.

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Ok_Shower4617@reddit

How do you have savings despite no job?

First, get a job, any job. You’ll meet people and have a sense of self-worth, even if you hate your job (you can change the job later).

Go to the gym, or start running or playing some sort of physical sport. Have some sort of interest.

Can you drive? If not, learn.

Maybe even get a dog. Only do this bit if you can meet the requirements for it.

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EmergencyOriginal982@reddit

I’m 27m unemployed, still live at home, never had a relationship, never even kissed anyone, just typing that out made me laugh.

I did a double take here because I was like 'I don't remember typing this?!'. I'm in the same boat man. Its shit but I remind myself it isn't forever.

I don’t feel like I have it in me to turn it around.

Anyone been in a similar position, what did you do? Thanks

Gullible-Exam9595@reddit

There’s lots of people suggesting that you do a number of things at once, which may be good advice, but could be overwhelming.

I would suggest trying to focus on one thing (could be gym, running, employment, volunteering) to start with, that will hopefully give you some esteem, and then build from there.

I suffered from depression and low self esteem in my early 20s and took up running. I’m not one of the insufferable people who suggests it as cure to everything, but I found having something I got good at improved my self esteem, and having goals to work towards kept me motivated.

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mar87fra@reddit

Check out free courses

https://freecoursesinengland.co.uk/free-courses-1/?gclid=CjwKCAjwko21BhAPEiwAwfaQCB8S_yV19TCa5ZjCURfO9-Bwhxxxiy6TZnUpjpruiB3cig6cuK7XqhoCaxMQAvD_BwE&accid=5092&kw=free%20courses%20in%20england&matchtype=b&network=g&campaignid=21201803681&device=m&devicemodel=&loc_physical_ms=9198891&loc_interest_ms=&placement=&creative=697017045014&adposition=&random=2832751571145769187&utm_feeditemid=&utm_device=m&utm_term=free%20courses%20in%20england&utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=FCIE+/+BRAND+CAMPAIGN&hsa_cam=21201803681&hsa_grp=159899047183&hsa_mt=b&hsa_src=g&hsa_ad=697017045014&hsa_acc=8772894239&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_kw=free%20courses%20in%20england&hsa_tgt=kwd-628324193279&hsa_ver=3&gad_source=1

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AfroCatapult@reddit

Therapy is a good bet for you. I was in a similar position to you until a family member pulled me out of the shithole village I was living in and gave me a chance. It helped, but it didn't solve any of the problems I'd built up from a lifetime of isolation and loneliness.

I started therapy a year ago and there's been a marked improvement in my mental health since then, including being willing to put myself out there more often and actually try to enjoy life rather than just live it.

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Mysterious_Raisin754@reddit

See if you have a 'man shed' locally, they are places setup for men to go and spend time with other guys, get a social network and generally chat. They can also help you find a hobby or skill as you get older guys (retired usually) go in and demonstrate their skills like carpentry, metal work, mechanic, etc.. That will give you an idea of what you might like and then you can get on a course to get some qualifications in that field which you can use to get a job.

The other option is go to the Army/Navy/RAF recruitment office and sign up. You'll get trained and there are loads of options for a career path, it's not all infantry, you'll also get paid, fed and housed. Plus you'll meet a load of new people and make lifelong friendships. Sure parts will be harsh, like getting fit and doing drills, but the feeling of achievement will outweigh that. Add in that you will get to travel and get some amazing experiences as part of the job it's a really good opportunity.

What you really shouldn't do is carry on as you are and expect change to happen to you. You are the only one who can turn this around, help is available but it can only help YOU improve things for yourself.

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Agitated-Loquat5192@reddit

Ok, so I had no aspirations, left school at 14. No qualifications, no partner.

I realised that I wanted a relationship, I needed a woman to push me and give me something to live for really. We all have our WHY? And this was mine.

I decided to do this, I needed to be offering something in return, so that my future wife could see a life with me.. not me just sitting there wanting it to happen.

I went to the gym daily, I applied for a load of trainee jobs in my desired industry.

Fast forward 17 years, I’m a manager for an international finance company, married with 2 children and a dog.

It does get better, I promise you. You just have to work at it.. “you have to work at being happy” - something I live by.. even with the health issues I currently have.

Just landing that job won’t make you happy Just earning xxx money won’t make you happy, Finding that woman won’t make you happy

What will make you happy is being the best version of yourself, and all of the other things you “think” will make you happy, will come along.

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Sufficient_Role2327@reddit

Work - do you have a degree? Do you have any previous work experience? Or any voluntary work? Have you written a CV?

If your answer to most of those is yes, then you're already a good deal of the way there. You just have to actually find a job. Look up Indeed, Monster, and Reed.

Social life - Don't bother with Tinder. It's a complete shitshow and a waste of time. If you want to meet new people, try Meetup.

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Wide-Affect-1616@reddit

I honestly think you need to speak with a mental health professional.

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Logical_Bit_1666@reddit

Yes, I've been there, and the key for me was setting goals and working at achieving them. Underpinning that was establishing and maintaining a healthy routine.

Set short, medium and long term goals and then come up with a plan to achieve them. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and embrace change.

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Remarkable-World-129@reddit

Grow some chest hair, rub some dirt on it and get on it.

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T4Y-D-W@reddit

I had a similar sort of issue when I was in my early 20's, no prospects, crippling addictions to all sorts of drugs and no real hope for my future. I found that work was what pushed me to feel success and then actually start living a successful and rewarding life. I'd encourage you start looking for work, hard work at the entry level and then once you've got one consider where you'd love to end up in the best case scenario and just keep working towards it.

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Heavy_Hearing3746@reddit

Embrace routine. Form habits. Gain self-confidence.

Wake up early and go powerwalking around the streets. It will set the frame for the day.

Do 5 sets of pushups every day (half as many reps as your maximum per set).

Get a job anywhere (supermarket?) and save up a few grand. Book a two week holiday to Thailand and sleep with at least 10 different prostitutes.

Put yourself in different situations. Find your vibe. Laugh every day.

I always remind myself that my actions today will set the motion for next day. Little things like doing the laundry today will allow me more time to say, play more games, hang around at the mall, sleep etc. So do something positive everyday and start from there.

I found a job and am still employed. Though at times it is boring, I stay with it and have some savings which enable me to go on nice vacations. I'm not an outstanding person in terms of career and status among some peers. Life is never perfect and it is ok to be a late bloomer.

Get yourself a routine that you enjoy. Like proper have said: join a gym. Pick up hobbies, go to college. Get out of the house and enjoy the sunshine.

I will add that getting up reasonably early, showering, cleaning up and making the most of the day will change your outlook on life too.

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Big-Pepper4676@reddit

I haven’t been in your position but I have been unhappy with my situation and lack of relationship. You have to make a change somewhere, and more changes will cascade from there. Maybe try getting a job, just any job and see how it goes. You will probably meet people, feel better about yourself, figure out more what you want to do, mood improves, get more money and think about moving out. Or choose something else but you have to make a change somewhere. I joined my choir and from there a cascade of events and personal changes happened where i now have the career and relationship that I want.

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