ULPT Request - Catty coworkers - how to deal with the “mean girls” at work
Posted by jonesdrums@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 48 comments
A group of women (all adults, 4-5 of them) have started the relentless cycle of micro-aggression bullying paired with gaslighting of another female coworker. This business is all women. The victim is trying to stay professional, but the situation just keeps getting worse. There is no HR, and the owners are included in the group of the bully-bitches. I am not versed in the seemingly bottomless pit that is female pettiness, and I have been told that “standing up to the bullies” doesn’t work with this type of crowd. What are some ways for a lone female to fight back against a group of bullies at work?
timswife716@reddit
Searched for this topic. So I am bringing this back to comments. I am going through the same thing. Except its a big corporation. Probably one of the biggest in our country, medically. I have went to HR, and the bullies all stuck up for each other. I had my life threatened. They all stand around in a circle at work and just talk about me. I have never done a thing to any of them. I have learned to live with it. However, there is a new twist I would like to see if anyone has any ideas for me. I have 1 friend at work. One girl just left the company and we talk. She admitted to me that my "friend" is one of them, and plays like she is my friend. How can I get back at her in a way that makes HER get caught. She talks about them so much, then goes and talks about me and urges me to do things, like GO TO HR, then tells the bullies. I am heartbroken, and stunned, but want to proceed with caution. Any ideas?
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
I’ll tell you what happened in the situation I made the post about… she ended up leaving to start a new career. There was never a blow up or any resolution, in fact, they acted more or less indifferent when she put in her notice. We did find out that they had a plan to eventually replace her with someone’s family member, and our opinion is that they didn’t know how to directly address the situation so they just tried to bully her out the door.
I am of the opinion that you can’t fix a toxic work culture without replacing the people that are causing it. There were tons of good unethical tips suggested, so if that’s what you want to do then by all means go for it, but the thing that worked in this case was to reassess why she was there and if there was a future at that place. That question did not take long to answer, and she moved on to the next step in her career (which, so far, has been all positive).
Best of luck!
timswife716@reddit
Yeah. I spend my off time applying for jobs. Have 2 interviews lined up and an observation in 2 days to determine if I want the job. It all depends on the pay for me. Including benefits as I have health issues. Thanks for the advice and you are so right. This is a dead end no life having job with toxic and hostile people. I may speak to an attorney. I was threatened and went to 2 bosses and hr and nothing was done. Except people hated me more. So feeling unsafe and walking on eggshells is not where I wish to be. This was my first job after dedicating my life to raising my kids and following my military ex husband everywhere.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
Good luck, hope it works out for the best!
timswife716@reddit
Thank you!!
BananaB0yy@reddit
not caring and being super friendly, nice and basically whistling happily through the office like it doesnt even register will trigger them bad. when they talk to you in bad faith, acting like they really got a valid point or the joke is super funny to you, and being super interested, thankful and apologetic for their feedback/input, then leaving still in a great mood. no sarcasm, no biting back, reacting like they are your best friends and its all just love and support they give you. (you can even repeat the mean jokes or back faith criticism back to them at a later point, acting like its still funny/a thing youre thinking about to you). this will drive them up the walls.
Feisty-Natural3415@reddit
Where do they work? Let's get it shut down.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
It’s a small business with individual room rentals, so shutting it down would not be the right move until my friend can get another job.
hoklepto@reddit
Well that's easy then, just hide all their shit in each other's booths. They'll get so mad about the others taking their shit without asking permission that they will concentrate on fighting with each other versus picking on your friend.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
There are cameras, that could backfire bigly
hoklepto@reddit
Could =/= will. Besides, why would they check security cameras when the stuff has quite clearly appeared in someone else's drawer? It's so much quicker to simply accuse and point fingers, just look what they're doing to their target already!
callmebigley@reddit
yeah?
Alternative_Escape12@reddit
This is perfect.
Feisty-Natural3415@reddit
Is it a salon? Where is it located?
BigMikeInAustin@reddit
When you are alone with each one, person A, tell A that you wish you could be more like them since A is the boss's favorite. But you don't get why person B gets paid more since person A is clearly better (or person B gets more leniency or benefits).
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
This is brutal, I love it.
xotchitl_tx@reddit
Take pictures of the owner while she is sleeping. Mail them anonymously to the owner and wait for the office to talk about that instead.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
Jesus christ lol
apxseemax@reddit
Not LOL. You have no idea how much of an impact this has on most bullies. And it is highly likely that their dads are old and therefore very likely underfed on pussy which makes it VERY easy. This is the ultimate humiliation to them and it will give you an enormous up hand. Because if they are married, you can threaten them with snitching on the wife which will destroy their family. And they will know that it happend because of their bullying behaviour (let em know this beforehand tho). Best: Its not illegal.
heuristic_dystixtion@reddit
Thing shoukd start going missing. Take stuff from the bullies desks to be easily found in other bullies desks.
They'll start being suspicious of one another.
Professor_Redhead@reddit
Every business has an HR representative though they might do other things as well. Reporting the harassment is a flag for a potential law suit.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
Definitely no HR at this place unfortunately.
dahlia_74@reddit
Honestly there’s nothing you can really do. Micro aggression is extremely insidious and hard to prove/call out a lot of the time. Especially with basically everyone in on it, I would recommend that female coworker just find another job. it’s not worth going through that everyday.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
A new job is in the works, and yeah, the daily grind is wearing her out at the soul level.
dahlia_74@reddit
I was bullied like that all 3 years of middle school, it’s an extremely difficult situation. My heart goes out to her, it’s such a shame they still engage in that kind of behavior as adults.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
Sorry to hear that. The part I can’t get my head around is that this is adults.
dahlia_74@reddit
Yeah, same. That’s a little disturbing to be honest. I know this is cliche but it’s true; it says a million times more about them than anything else. Takes a special kind of person to be that mean and cruel to someone else, unwarranted. And usually there is no “fix” besides getting away from the situation. So I hope they aren’t blaming themselves or feeling guilty, they shouldn’t
Emilayday@reddit
AND, cmon dahlia, what do we do?? We sign them up for Scientology and Jehovahs Witnesses mailers. Yes we dooooo.
And let me guess, your bullies are now, at least one nurse, and two pay for the privilege of an MLM to take their money, and all three are shitty moms to one or more kids?
dahlia_74@reddit
Haha, i don’t follow them on social media so I have no idea what their info is or anything like that, but wouldn’t be surprised 😂 I’m sure karma is doing its job, or at least that’s what I tell myself!
Emilayday@reddit
I just saw your name on another ULPT where we left the same comment but you upped yours haha so I'm like oooh, I know that name! Someone has the same algorithm as me today haha. Hiiiii
dahlia_74@reddit
Haha hii!! I figured, I’ve been very active on this sub in particular today for whatever reason 😂 but we’re definitely on the same wavelength lol!
dooinit00@reddit
Leave store-bought fatty treats in the common area on the daily; cheese, high calorie drinks, donuts, pastries, pizza. They cant help but fill the void. They will think she is either overcompensating, or won’t know who is leaving them.
Leave anonymous reviews, DM us! Lol. Troll their socials, tag them in posts and comments, downvotes, (w faux acct obv). Create an account of a hot girl, and start following and chatting with their significant others.
Smear dog poop on the underside of their office and car doorhandles. Egg their cars.
Sidenote: Have ur girl engage in her own personal glow-up. Whatever she needs to look and feel better. These petty ‘women’ live in a state of perpetual jealousy and self loathing. Make them feel worse by simply living well, being confident and happy. Post ur holiday pics, drop off lunch for her looking like a stud, send flowers to the business.
glemits@reddit
This key probably opens the TP dispenser, if it's a dispenser that locks. It opens lots of things, because the same lock is used all over, for all kinds of thing. Perhaps their desks.
Best-Structure62@reddit
Love this suggestion:
Leave store-bought fatty treats in the common area on the daily; cheese, high calorie drinks, donuts, pastries, pizza. They cant help but fill the void. They’ll think shes overcompensating, or won’t know who is leaving them.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
Lot of good suggestions here. The best revenge is success. I actually had the same idea about the food, I suggested having an all-you-can-drink soda fountain installed or something like that.
joecool42069@reddit
Fuck their dads?
lilblu399@reddit
Kill them with kindness and be as friendly as possible to the lowest one in the hierarchy.
If they'll all huddled around each other, she can say, "Hey ladies" and "Good morning(person's name) and when it's time to leave, do the same.
It'll make them question if the named person in the group is talking/gossiping with the person they're picking on, eventually the group will implode on itself.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
Kill them with kindness has been my thought as well
EF_Boudreaux@reddit
I work in this office. It took about 3 years for me to see it for what it is. Insecurity
Now when I’m complimented publicly and the mgr teases me, I let her. She’s jealous
Now when I’m talking and someone talks over me, I keep talking
I hired a Fiverr artist to make a cartoon and it really keeps me amused
I don’t retaliate. I don’t gossip. I observe. sometimes i comment. sometimes im very very sarcastic
then i go home & forget them
Jumpy-Ad6470@reddit
New job is her only choice. Owner is involved in the mess.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
She’s on the way out for sure
Muufffins@reddit
Fuck their dads.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
LOLOLOLOLOL
tatasz@reddit
What worked for me was legit not caring, and retaliating within society norms for every negative interaction.
But in this case it's clearly not an option, so I'd go with retaliation only. So I'd report them to each and every agency that has some power to shut the business down or fine it. Are their taxes on spot? What about fire marshals, will they find everything ok? Etc.
Inevitable_Car9183@reddit
There's really no end with that attack strategy either and bullies are NEVER responsible enough to dot their i's and cross their T's. They are at the mercy of the universe. This is so much easier than if the business was owned by rational people that employed bullies underneath them.
tatasz@reddit
Oh, my idea would be to screw them as much as possible reporting all the tiny violations, while searching for a new job.
The idea is not to improve their behaviour.
Inevitable_Car9183@reddit
Same but if you scratch the surface you should be able to uncover either something major or a critical link in the chain that would cause cascading failure if broken. The idea is to put them out of business so that their niche is filled in with people who actually benefit society by operating a business.
jonesdrums@reddit (OP)
God, this is good.