"I think when I turn 18, my life is going to be basically no different".

[-]

Open-Incident-3601@reddit

My kids have asked what exactly they are looking forward to. They will have to move away and probably stay away. We can’t even afford the new listings in our area now, so they know they can’t. They have already decided it would be unfair and financially irresponsible to ever have children, so they know our family history ends with them. And they follow current events. When they are really honest with us, they expect that there are only about ten years left before we let rich old politicians nuke the earth.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

That's..hard. I would offer that it's worthwhile and possible to make the world you want to live in. I'm not talking about on a national level, I'm talking about your life, your street, your neighborhood. You're day to day. I want to live in a world where neighbors exchange jam and biscuits. So I make a big batch of biscuits and knock on doors. I want to live in a world where there's no side hugs, so I give big dad hugs to everyone. I want to live in a world where Thanksgiving includes neighbors and old friends and anyone who wants to be there. So yup, giant outdoor table and enough food to feed an army. It's about being the change. That's real.

Reply

[-]

OmenVi@reddit

That’s for sure where it starts. My peers were pretty involved in local government straight out of hs, and active in the community.

Reply

[-]

Unfair-Geologist-284@reddit

Seeing as I was treated as an adult by my parents from probably age 13, I have felt compelled to let my kids experience childhood and their teen years without the heavy weight of working a ton of hours, stressing about how to pay for things, and keeping up grades while doing all the other stuff. Is it life? Yes. Does a 16 year old kid need to be weighed down by bills? No.

Reply

[-]

Emotional_Warthog658@reddit

You said the key word: escape, I could not wait to escape from my parents; they had trauma to manage and deal with; it seems like our relationship was nagging and chore assignment. Sometimes my husband and I get confused as to why our kids wanted to be around us - we could not wait to get away from our parents. (now they're a teen and a tween; so it's less likely but we are definitely still a crew) We (try to) do a better job dealing with our trauma and finding fun as a family So yeah, that lady that gives encouragement, snacks, cuddles, and listens to what you have to say? That dude who will go to the end of the earth to help you fulfill a dream? I'd probably wanna hang out with them more too after 18.

Reply

[-]

TheSupremePixieStick@reddit

I ask my husband often "is it weird our kid WANTS us to hang out with her?" Like I wanted my parents to go the fuck away from a young age. I didnt want to be around them. That my kid actually LIKES ME blows my mind.

Reply

[-]

Dudeinairport@reddit

I think you hit on a big one: trauma. Our grandparents came back from WWII with shitloads of PTSD and no help for it. Then they went on to have families and spread some of that trauma to them, who then spread it to us. We’re then first generation to parent with an incredible amount of psychological research behind us. We are learning what it means to NOT pass that on. It’s fucking hard, but it’s the right thing to do. The result is a family unit that wants to be together. Also add in that the world is too expensive to get a life started and no wonder kids are staying home.

Reply

[-]

ReiperXHC@reddit

My Dad brought trauma more directly.....from Vietnam.

Reply

[-]

finfangfoom1@reddit

Sorry you went through that. I have a 7 year old and went through a couple nasty combat deployments. He knows that I served but not much else yet. I grew up with good parents who absolutely hated each other. Looking back it is comical to me that they were ever together. Once they divorced my mom chilled out and my dad was always a roller coaster but has also since chilled out. I'm scared of how my experience could affect him but I think so far so good. We let my son navigate conflict when it pops up in his life but he's never heard either of us raise our voice at each other outside of rare road situations. I got some help not long after I got out and think that helped me identify triggers and such. I really feel for combat vets that didn't have that kind of support and even more for their families

Reply

[-]

ReiperXHC@reddit

In my mind it wasn't so bad, but he never really directed anything at me or my brother. He had quite a temper though, and every now and then he'd scream at my mother and kind of......destroy the house. But he was always there providing for us, so I don't really have much more to complain about.

Reply

[-]

Dudeinairport@reddit

Ah- My dad was lucky enough to not get drafted due to his back acne.

Reply

[-]

Traditional_Cat_60@reddit

For real? I did not know backne could get one out of the draft. My evolutionary line just got a little more secure.

Reply

[-]

Complex-Ad-7203@reddit

Yeah in the right conditions (South Easy Asia) that shit could get easily infected. Acne is open wounds on your skin after all.

Reply

[-]

Traditional_Cat_60@reddit

That makes total sense now. Not just exposure to bacteria, but exposed blood and puss is gonna attract insects from miles around.

Reply

[-]

Complex-Ad-7203@reddit

lol, I saw that typo but I thought, you know "South Easy Asia" is kinda cool so I left it.

Reply

[-]

Dudeinairport@reddit

That’s what he told me. I inherited his terrible skin so probably.

Reply

[-]

Ok_Sky_9463@reddit

So true

Reply

[-]

MountainLine@reddit

And so much this

Reply

[-]

dak4f2@reddit

Yes, *some* of us are. Then I see some of my former millennial classmates brag on social media about hitting their children!? I was spanked *hard* but it appears some are still carrying it forward to the next gen.

Reply

[-]

Dudeinairport@reddit

I was spanked as a kid- sometimes just out of pure anger on the part of my parents. I will never, ever do that to my own children. And I’m normally a very calm person, but I think I might lose my shit if I saw someone hitting their kids.

Reply

[-]

MountainLine@reddit

So much this

Reply

[-]

RoncoSnackWeasel@reddit

This made my heart incredibly happy to read. Thank you. I hope I’m being that guy for my kids.

Reply

[-]

Usagi_Shinobi@reddit

>what initiates the drive to go out and make it on your own these days? The only thing that will provide that drive is necessity. People who have a good thing going have zero incentive to pursue a different path. This is one of the issues that we face as a society today.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

Yeah, I agree that in simplest terms, they have to see something they want and then leave home to get it.

Reply

[-]

Arsenic_Bite_4b@reddit

I've had the same experience with several kids now. They don't want to learn to drive, they don't want to live on their own and definitely not with roommates, there's not a lot of drive to go out into the world at all. My parents were great, but I still wanted my autonomy and to go get life started ASAFP. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do without parent's oversight, I don't really get why kids don't seem to want that now.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

One of the things we've done is to try to normalize the idea of progression. Like, when he turned 15, we talked about summer jobs. Because that's just what you do. He didn't get one that year, but we kept on with the "that's just what you do" and he's got one this year. I guess moving out is one of those things too, but Ida know, it feels different to me.

Reply

[-]

errorseven@reddit

Sounds like you are coddling him. Don't give him a choice, give him rules/time lines. He must get a job by XYZ, he must Learn to drive by XYZ, he must be saving for a car by XYZ, "you can not be in the house during the day unless you have a job, from sun up to sundown you will look for a work." If you don't start treating him in the manner soon, he will be 35 and still living at home with mommy and daddy.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

You're presuming A LOT. We've always led by example and explained that there are some things you just do. He's got a part time job, he's learning to drive, and bought a beater car with his savings from the last few years. I think we're on track, without ultimatums.

Reply

[-]

Savingskitty@reddit

Is there anything you won’t buy him unless he pays for it himself? The number one reason I wanted to get a job was so I could buy the things I wanted.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

We take care of his needs and he doesn't have many wants these days. But that's a good point. We tend to not buy him video games and stuff like that--he pays for it with birthday money or his very modest allowance. But maybe getting him to think a little about a big ticket item that he really wants and how it's in reach if he works for it is a thing to think about.

Reply

[-]

saved_by_the_keeper@reddit

Yeah. I was in the same boat. My parents were great. Big fans of them, they are still together but it was getting away from the oversight that was so appealing. I remember the first few days before my freshman year of college. I bought a bunch of candy and filled my fridge with Gatorade. The feeling of exercising that freedom was great.

Reply

[-]

errorseven@reddit

Horrible living conditions, co dependent parent/s, abusive environment, neglect. Those are probably the leading cause of a bird wanting to fly the roost. In my case, my mother's co dependency drove me out at 17. I also saw my friends at the time becoming loser adults, drugs, jail, and living on the streets was the norm for them and I wanted more my life.

Reply

[-]

Anjapayge@reddit

My parents always told me that I was out at 18. And thanks to the financial support of my grandparents, I was. I couldn’t even take a break after HS. I had to go right to college. With our kid, she has support but also she wants to work and do her own thing and she’s 12. So I tell her at 18, society won’t judge her for wanting to be independent. It’s all let kids be kids. But my kid wants to be an adult and wants her own apartment. I already told her at 14, she’s able to get a job at certain places. And to wait until end of 7th grade for pet sitting and baby sitting so she looks less like a child.

Reply

[-]

thishurtsyoushepard@reddit

I couldn’t wait to escape and move out at 17. My son likes it at home. I hardly know how to handle such a well adjusted teenager. But as far as I can tell, he does want to do all the things he’s just motivated to take care of himself and not be a leech, rather than desperate to get away. And he probably will have an easier time because he’s on track for a much, much softer launch

Reply

[-]

tomahawk66mtb@reddit

I left home (UK) and moved to China at 18. My life could not have gotten more different! I came from a happy home and don't think I was "escaping" anything... I do think there was a general feeling of needing to spread our wings and fly the nest at 18. Just like, go out into the world and make something of life. Maybe just more hope?

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

One of the reasons you did it is because you believed you could. Why you felt that way may not be as important as the fact that you did. I think that's something for me to ponder on, so thank you!

Reply

[-]

DBE113301@reddit

Not where I'm from. I'm from a small town in northwest Minnesota. People there act like high school is the best days of their lives, and graduation signals the end of it. I'm reminded of a quote from the movie Friday Night Lights: "You got one stinkin' year to make yourself some memories, son. Because after this, there's nothing." That's my home town. After my older brother graduated, my he told me that he wished he could go back to kindergarten and do it all over again. My response: "I can't wait to graduate and get out of this fucking town." I moved halfway across the country to get away from that place. Every once in a while, I fly back home, and every time I do, it's always the same old stories. Sports or other fun things people did in high school. Even my dad will bring up some game I played or some accomplishment I had while playing football or baseball, and I'm like, "Dad, stop. That was 27 years ago." When the person you're talking to doesn't want to talk about the glory days of his life, he's clearly moved on.

Reply

[-]

zerosevennine@reddit

Why does this remind me of Uncle Rico from Napoleon dynamite? 🤣

Reply

[-]

Active_Storage9000@reddit

To be fair, i also thought high school was the best... because adulting is just kinda hard and pointless. I didn't win sports championships or anything, but I had friends, I liked my classes and that they changed every semester, and there were so many options for after school clubs. Work was fun, low stakes and easy. My family sucked, but I was rarely home. I guess it boils down to whether or not you feel like there's a point to life. If not, then yeah, you're going to miss those younger years when you had all that energy and everything was new.

Reply

[-]

MuckRaker83@reddit

I feel this. I'm from rural Pennsylvania. My parents were both teachers who took great pains to instill in me the importance of education (both in terms of getting a good job and the value of critical thinking skills) and the existence of a large world outside my hometown. But that was definitely not the norm there. Most of my classmates' post graduation plans began and ended with a job at Wal-Mart, the corner gas station, or, if they were lucky, getting an in at whatever job their parents worked. I occasionally go back there to visit my parents, and when I happen to be in social situations with those in my age group, I'm amazed that high school still dominates their discussions, twenty years later.

Reply

[-]

spinereader81@reddit

It's sad how true the song Glory Days is for many people.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

Goddamn. I feel like the best years of my life are right now.

Reply

[-]

ilikecats415@reddit

Tbh, I didn't expect my son's life to change at 18. He works and goes to college (he lives at home and we pay his tuition). He's a sophomore now and will go to grad school afterward. I expect he will be done with school and ready to launch his career around 24. So that is when I expect he'll look at moving out, etc. Until then, I pay most of his expenses and encourage him to save the money he earns. I left home at 20 because home was chaotic. I struggled financially for quite a while and it took me several years after college to start building my career. I don't really see any value in that experience (the stress and anxiety of financial struggle). So I'm glad my son feels safe, secure, and happy to be at home while he sets himself up for the next step. He has a great deal of freedom (I don't monitor his comings and goings or stop him from doing things), though he still seeks my advice and sometimes wants my blessing to do certain stuff. Despite the comfortable home he has, he is still motivated to build a future for himself. I think he appreciates that we want to help him do that without the fear and anxiety that I (and many of my friends) experienced.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

I feel like there's some inherent value to struggle. That does build resilience. It's where it crosses the line to *suffer* that I really have a problem.

Reply

[-]

Savingskitty@reddit

What does suffering look like for your son?

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

That's a good question. I know that for me, it was food insecurity, living in an unsafe town because it was all we could afford, and scraping by in general. There was a whole year during the housing crisis where I had to choose between formula for the kid or socks for my feet. Buying socks can still be hard for me.

Reply

[-]

ilikecats415@reddit

I think struggle is inevitable. I don't need to create struggle or contribute to it for him. And I definitely don't save him from experiencing life and its complications. I've just given him a safe, comfortable home base so he can launch himself into adulthood with more of a plan than I had. At this point in time, living independently is so hard (we are in a HCOL area so even with roommates, it's cost prohibitive). I'm sure I over compensate because my own lower middle class childhood and entry to adulthood was so stressful and created a lot of deep and lasting anxiety in me.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

I think that's a really kind and sympathetic viewpoint. Very similar to my own hopes and dreams for what I can offer my son. I grew up working class, on credit; my wife grew up dirt poor. Everything we've built is a result of being savvy, hard working, and lucky. Lots of pitfalls, failures, and suffering along the way. And you're right: the world is hard enough without the people who love you working against you. I don't want him to have the same limited choices we had, that's for sure. We live in a MCOL to HCOL area where everything from housing to cocktails is completely insane these days. We got lucky by moving here while it was LCOL; I cannot imagine what it's like for kids starting out, but the word impossible comes to mind.

Reply

[-]

elphaba00@reddit

My teen will turn 18 in October. I imagine that nothing will really change. He'll still be in high school so it's not like he can just move out the day after. Then the plan is for him to live at home and go to a community college until he moves out for college his junior and senior year. He does have plans for what he wants to do post-college, but I don't think he's thought too far ahead of how he will make it on his own. But that's five years down the road.

Reply

[-]

CombatDeffective@reddit

I woke up on my 18th birthday, and my dad asked me if I felt different today. I said no, I felt the same, as you know, it was literally just like the next day after yesterday. It was a new day, I was older, but I felt the same I did yesterday. Well, I guess that was the wrong answer, as my dad canceled whatever surprise plans and presents he had; I no longer deserved it if I wasn't today an adult and no longer the goofy kid I was yesterday.

Reply

[-]

remoteworker9@reddit

My life didn’t change majorly at 18. I commuted to college.

Reply

[-]

free-toe-pie@reddit

I remember not wanting to turn 18 in the year 2000. I knew it mean childhood was over forever. And it made me kind of sad. But I did enjoy being 18 and going off to college. So my sadness didn’t last long.

Reply

[-]

BillionaireGhost@reddit

You *can’t* be yourself in your parent’s shadow. You *have to* go out and do something different. It doesn’t matter if you have the best parents or the worst ones. You *have to* go do something different than they did. And that’s tough to do and it’s not safe and it’s all up to you, but that’s what a young adult craves. They want to go out and do things that you aren’t ready for them to do. That’s the whole point of growing up. So yeah, they’re going to go do stuff that you would never do, and they’re going to want to live in places that you wouldn’t have chosen for them. What you *can* do is show them how *you* live. You can give them advice that *you* would follow if you were them. But you also get to just sit back and see how they do. That’s really cool too. Just sit back and watch what these kids do. They make mistakes and they also do cool stuff you’d never have thought of. One day you’ll have grandchildren and they’ll just be doing amazing stuff, and you’ll just be glad your blood is out there making mistakes and having fun.

Reply

[-]

Typical-Annual-3555@reddit

This is a much different world than when you were turning 18. There's nothing wrong with them waiting a little while to establish some stability imo. It doesn't mean they don't have a drive to do it. But think about what you were excited about turning 18 for. If you're like I was, it was about buying that first pack of cigarettes *legally* and proudly dropping your ID on the counter to prove you were old enough. Or maybe it was the first R rated movie you could get into by yourself (yes, I know it's 17 for that). Or joining up for the military or voting for the first time. I just don't think those are things new 18 year olds care about anymore. Except the voting part.

Reply

[-]

DoctorQuarex@reddit

My best friend at 18 and I both had no idea why everyone else we knew was so desperately excited to move out of their parents' house; my childhood home was and remains (even long after my father sold it) the most warm and welcoming and pleasant place I have ever lived, and they had to encourage me for years to leave before I finally decided I sort of felt like I understood the appeal; living with some of my friends one summer and then transferring to an out-of-town university both showed me there were advantages to living on your own, but I still would have taken their house over my own place until my mid-20s. (Probably helps that I was completely straightedge at the time, and in the years since have only added coffee to my repertoire of drugs; no reason to care that your parents are always around if you are not doing anything they disapprove of anyway)

Reply

[-]

Terriblarious@reddit

I don't have kids. But if i did, i imagine they wouldn't have been able to afford "freedom". Cost of everything in Canada is bananas. I just moved out of Victoria where a 2 bedroom was getting close to $2800 a month. Single bedroom apts were about $2200 i think. Driving anywhere to do anything is expensive, and its tough to find a job that can actually pay you enough to live there. I grew up poor, and even after high school i was mainly working in food service for most of my 20s. But back in 1999 i was able to pay my $300 a month with only 4 shifts a week and never had to choose between food or bills. I can't fathom the struggle the upcoming generations are going to face.

Reply

[-]

JanePinkmanABQ@reddit

When I turned 18 I was psyched to be able to buy cigarettes and go to a casino.

Reply

[-]

PhysicsStock2247@reddit

I teach college students and notice a cynicism in their worldview. I just think there’s less to be optimistic about compared to when we were their age. A lot of my students can’t even afford renting a place of their own. I imagine it’s tough to get excited about the future when it looks like you’ll be living at home for a while longer.

Reply

[-]

dak4f2@reddit

They were also born after 9/11 into a very different country.

Reply

[-]

ZealousidealDog4802@reddit

Could you afford to rent a place on your own when you were a student? Personally I lived with 4 other guys in a 3br house worked 32 hours week and could barley afford my expenses. Also gave a lot of plasma for beer money.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

Kinda-sorta. My then-girlfriend (now wife) and I moved in together at 19. We rented an ancient 3rd-floor walkup on the edge of the ghetto for $365/month. In 2000 or 2001, that city claimed the title for highest murder rate per capita in the country. I biked to school and work and she had a car to go to work. In some ways, it was the best of times, in a lot of others, it was a very meager existence. I recently explained to my son that a pretty common lunch for me was a hot dog with a slice of cheese and some salsa, wrapped in a tortilla. Mostly, we lived on freedom...and that was enough.

Reply

[-]

sorrymizzjackson@reddit

I would suspect Memphis, but a 3rd floor walk up would be unusual. Sketchy elevator that made it a walk up?

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

Reading, Pennsylvania. The first set of stairs was a 24" wide metal catwalk up to...I guess a porch that had been added onto the second story of this old Victorian, then enclosed. From there, we had a real set of stairs, but there was a weird height issue with them and we had to cut our queen boxspring in half to get it through the door and up the stairs. Janky AF. Since we were under the roof, we had basically 2 windows (at opposite ends of the place) that you could stick a window A/C into. We lived there for a little over two years, while I went to community college. Reading is best described as "The Detroit of Pennsylvania". It didn't seem horrendous when we lived there, right up until it kinda did. I drove back to the place over Christmas (we live far from there now) and it was staggeringly depressing. Maybe because it was the 8th day in a row without sunshine, but also, *holy shit.*

Reply

[-]

PhysicsStock2247@reddit

I’m thinking more about once they graduate. The students I’ve heard talk about this stuff mainly have plans to live at home after graduation. I got my first apartment at 22 right after college with 2 roommates, but I also lived in the rust belt and had cheap rent (3 bedroom apartment for $600 per month in 2002).

Reply

[-]

ZealousidealDog4802@reddit

Ahhh gotcha... still I have never had my own apartment. I had at least two roommates until my wife moved in with me 16 years ago when I was 29.

Reply

[-]

Sweet_Bang_Tube@reddit

My parents divorced in the midst of my senior year finals (1998). It delayed my graduation, but I still made it out by going to summer school. I then rented a 400 sq ft efficiency that was owned by what I would call a slum lord and probably should've been condemned, for $400 a month. I didn't have a car (rode the bus and biked to my two jobs), had no idea how to be an adult (didn't know how to get my gas service turned on, so took cold showers for months), had no personal phone (I used the pay phone across the street to make calls). There was no money for college so I never went. This was in Austin, TX. I feel like those days taught me a lot about being resilient and adapting, but I am glad they are far in the past. I have no idea what it is like for the 18-25 years old of today, but it doesn't seem better.

Reply

[-]

Appropriate-Neck-585@reddit

Exactly this

Reply

[-]

CMarlowe@reddit

It's hard to blame them. My parents paid for my college, but even if they hadn't, I could've managed pretty easily with a part-time job and a summer job. I might have graduated with a little student loan debt, but nothing much at all. When I graduated, my first job paid me enough to get a cool apartment in a good area of time. I could walk to some cool bars and restaurants, and afford them, on the weekends at least. I had enough left over to save too. These days it seems like a lot of kids are going to be paying back student loans forever.

Reply

[-]

pitathegreat@reddit

My nephews that have recently graduated high school still don’t have driver’s licenses and have no interest in getting them. They had opportunities to go to college out of state (which their parents strongly encouraged), but they stayed local. My younger niece seems to be going the same route. Its so wild to me

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

Yeah, my nephews are in their 30s and it's an utter and complete failure to launch. In their case, the grandparents are super coddling and have utterly infantalized them. My niece kinda won't do anything of substance about her anxiety and I'm amazed she got married. But everything has kind of stopped for her and she is not at all in the world.

Reply

[-]

willworkforwatches@reddit

Same. I absolutely could not wait to get the fuck out of my parents house and control and go make my own money and be independent. We’re NC. And while I hope my kid can do the same, I would be flattered if they didn’t feel like it was the only way they could be happy. But i know it’s my job to make sure they’re ready to be independent.

Reply

[-]

rels83@reddit

When I turned 18 I was still in high school. My life was no different. Was I going to move out and pay for my own apartment in the few months before graduation? That’s crazy!

Reply

[-]

SS_from_1990s@reddit

I had a great home life and childhood. But still, I couldn’t wait to leave. And I did exactly that. After high school, my whole family moved to a different state so I had no home to go. I went thousand miles away to college and had the time of my life. I do feel a bit of that magic has disappeared for this generation. Why? Maybe it’s the extension of adolescence which keeps getting pushed further and further out.

Reply

[-]

save_the_manatees@reddit

I also could not WAIT to leave home. Even now I loathe going back to my parents house. I didn't even realise this consciously until my husband and I temporarily lived to there while we built a house. I retreated into a horrible place on the edges of depression and realised that's what I was living like throughout my half my childhood. My parents were/are classic of their generation. They loved us a lot but my dad had and continues to have untreated depression and self soothed by gambling. My mum was so afraid of what the neighbours would think that she hid everything. And so we had this really unhappy house that didn't have any money ever and as kids we had no idea why the house was so unhappy. Now I think everything would be much more in the open and we'd have more of a chance at a happy home you know? I also find it strange how much my kids love love love hanging out with us.

Reply

[-]

Spartan04@reddit

In my case I turned 18 my senior year of high school so it really wasn’t that different. I also knew I was going to college after that school year so it wasn’t like I was planning on never leaving either (though I did return home on breaks the 2 years I lived in the dorms since they were closed and also for a 6 month period after I graduated since I didn’t have a full time job yet and didn’t want to lock myself into an apartment lease until I did). I never felt the need to escape, I had a fine home life. I didn’t want to stay there forever and it was frustrating to have to move back in after college (though in retrospect I’m thankful I had that option). Once I found full time work I leased an apartment and that was that.

Reply

[-]

dontrespondever@reddit

There’s less of a drive to grow up than ever. Lots of guys our generation didn’t really get old the way guys used to, we still like our old music and whatnot. We probably looked like a bunch of kids to our dads and granddads who were in Vietnam or WWII at the same age when we were on skateboards. So we are maybe seeing an extension of our own extended adolescence.

Reply

[-]

Appropriate-Neck-585@reddit

Well put

Reply

[-]

Designer_Emu_6518@reddit

It will if you break some laws. Then you’ll feel the unforgiving cold hard dick of the law fuck you inside and out

Reply

[-]

plootermcgooter@reddit

I became a cynic in 90s. Happy to hear everyone else is finally catching up.

Reply

[-]

Dudeinairport@reddit

That’s the GenX talking!

Reply

[-]

plootermcgooter@reddit

I’ve been told I lean Gen X lol

Reply

[-]

True_Dimension4344@reddit

It is so difficult for young adults to find the determination or even the desire to be on their own. They see the state of the world a lot more clearly than we did with our blue collar parents. Jobs pay shit, housing and food, utilities, are outrageously expensive. God forbid you have an actual emergency. They shut down. They see what happened to the world and are depressed, anxious, stressed and have no real incentive to do anything. They see us struggle. They see government not do anything about it. They’re stuck and they’re rightfully freaking upset about it.

Reply

[-]

SryIWentFut@reddit

We had the advantage of cost vs wages not being complete bullshit yet. Anyone trying to make ends meet on the wage your average 18 year old is capable of earning is going to starve and/or live in a dangerous area or with roommates and have no privacy.

Reply

[-]

sdujour77@reddit

I graduated at 17, and promptly left home for good. I cannot relate to people who continued living with their parents. The concept is completely alien to me.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

My wife's family like each other and support each other. She loves her mom. Alien is a great word for it. I used to feel grateful that I was involved but sad that I knew I could never have that myself. For a long time, I was sure something was wrong with me, like I just didn't know how to love the way other people know how to love. And then one day, it dawned on me that I really love a lot of my friends like siblings and that my in-laws are kind of closed-off otherwise. You won't find a lot of friends at their gatherings. The handful of friends you do see have been there forever, like I have. Point is: everyone has their own brand. Mine is everybody. Theirs is them. I don't think I'm missing out; they don't think they're missing out. It's all okay.

Reply

[-]

Emergency-Pack-5497@reddit

Hope, and there is none

Reply

[-]

Active_Storage9000@reddit

>what initiates the drive to go out and make it on your own these days? Honestly? Yeah, my childhood home wasn't great. I left because I would have rather lived in my car or on the streets than spend a single day longer with my dad. I lived in trashed party houses, juggled through a dozen+ roommates -- because that was the better option. On top of that, I'd had a job since I was 14. License at 16. I was encouraged to be independent and make choices for myself from a young age. It's really no wonder kids don't want to leave these days. Why would they? They get neither of those things with modern parenting. That's not a criticism, so much as... a complication our society has yet to figure out. We haven't found that balance yet.

Reply

[-]

kaleidoscope471@reddit

I don't have an answers for you, unfortunately. I don't have kids and I grew up in a very safe/secure home. That said as a kid I remember knowing being an adult wasn't fun and it was better to be a kid. However, I also knew I would have to go out on my own. I'm not sure how my parents made that so clear. They didn't talk about things like "when you get married" or "when you have kids", etc. They did discuss what I wanted to be when I grew up, encourage college, and nudge me towards a major that would pay the bills. I also had the ultimate "mean girl" HS experience (the movie is not a satire to me) so I was happy to escape my home town and go to college b/c of that. Perhaps that helped.

Reply

[-]

AdelleDeWitt@reddit

I can't think of anything major that changed when I turned 18. I remember being impressed with the idea that I was legally allowed to buy cigarettes since that was the age then, but I didn't smoke so that didn't matter too much. My daughter is 11 and we were just talking about this not 5 minutes ago. She wanted to know why some people leave home when they turn 18. We live in a very high cost of living area and also an area where the majority of people were not born in America, so for both cultural and economic reasons multi-generational living (often even after marriage and kids) is the norm here. I had a really hard time answering her. I never left home. I came back after college because housing is expensive and stayed so that I could save money, then my mother took care of my daughter when I went to work and I took care of my mother when my mother got ill and we ended up inheriting the house when my mother died and my father went into a nursing home, so from my perspective I don't understand the benefit of leaving home. I really hated my dad and he was a bad person but it was worth it to me to have the economic security. I did explain to my daughter that if you had two parents like my dad you'd have no reason to stay and it would be worth it to pay rent somewhere else. I was explaining that some people just really want their freedom, and she didn't understand why they couldn't have that and live with their parents at the same time. I ended up explaining that some people have very controlling parents or parents that they don't get along with and so they want to escape from that.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

Sounds like you gave honest and accurate answers. That everyone's experience is different, that there are definite reasons that maybe she can't conceive of, that there's no one-size-fits all. Good job, Mom.

Reply

[-]

bigbossfearless@reddit

Good. That means you didn't create a domestic hell that your children desperately want to be rid of. Sounds like you were a decent parent so far, a far cry from the assholes who raised us. Keep up the good work.

Reply

[-]

jharrisimages@reddit

I cant escape my parents, I made certain choices in my late tens/early 20’s and did not complete college. Spent time in the military and got out thinking my skills could get me by. Fast forward to14 years later and I’m still living at home (paying rent) and making a decent amount of money, but not enough to afford my own place in central California. I wish I did, I wish I had made different choices because as a grown man making between $700-$800/week I should be able to get my own place easily. But rent prices here are insane, one place wants $1400/mo plus utilities (another $200-$300/mo in California) and a $3000 security deposit for a studio apartment with no washer/dryer. Literally a square room with a sink and stove on one wall (yes, I’d have to buy a fridge too) and a bathroom with a sink, toilet and shower that is the size of a port-a-potty. Insanity, pure and simple. I don’t have any friends who can go half’s with me on a place, they all got the hell out of here while they could. I’m well and truly stuck here unless some miracle happens or a long lost relative leaves me a house and substantial amount of money.

Reply

[-]

mrwynd@reddit

I think this is something you should feel proud of. I moved out at 17 and didn't talk to my parents for many years. Your child wants to be around you and that's because of your actions!

Reply

[-]

StubbornKindOfFellow@reddit

I'm not a parent, so let me start with that. But I think too many of our generation try to be friends with their kids. Which is fine, but then when the kids get older, they're not trying to get out and get the freedom that we were desperate for at that age.

Reply

[-]

Cheezslap@reddit (OP)

I know there's a better way than making homelife so unpleasant, they can't wait to burn the place down and never look back.

Reply

[-]

EnvironmentalPack451@reddit

I don't always know when I'm going to enter a new chapter in my life. It has had little to do with precise age

Reply

[-]

racerxff@reddit

Their generation is convinced that the world as it is now is nothing to look forward to and in a lot of regards, they're not wrong.

Reply

[-]

InfidelZombie@reddit

I think they're objectively, incredibly wrong, but the internet has convinced them otherwise.

Reply

[-]

Garroch@reddit

Exactly. Doomerism sells clicks. The world gets better with every passing year. Every generation has challenges. We grew up vaguely aware of Soviets and nuclear war. Had one decent decade, as long as you weren't in the Balkans or Africa, and then 9/11 happened, and we had the "decade of terrorism". Now the challenge will be climate change and what I hope are the last gasps of autocracy. Regardless, the standard of living across the world is way up. Green technologies are growing at exponential pace. We'll probably reach peak emissions in a year or two if we haven't already. We've ALREADY reached "peak baby". Forests are coming back. And innovative technologies like AI will only serve to grow the economies of the world.

Reply

[-]

NeighborGeek@reddit

Let’s hold judgment on that until mid November. I think by then it will be pretty clear whether there’s any hope for the future.

Reply

Reply to Post

100 Comments