Has anyone ever moved back home and felt better?
Posted by QnOfHrts@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 77 comments
I have been trying to make it work living in Sweden for 8 years.
I’m exhausted. It just hasn’t worked out, this country makes it hard for foreigners.
Anyways, I’ve been avoiding returning to my home country the U.S. for various reasons but starting to feel a sense of relief returning to the mess there.
That’s how much Sweden has destroyed me mentally, emotionally and financially.
Anyways, has anyone ever returned home to recover and it was helpful? I’m feeling expat burnout. I’ve tried for so long.
SW33ToXic9@reddit
I’m from Canada, I thought it’d be, but leaving the Nordics was the stupidest decision I’ve ever had. I’m moving to Denmark to moment I can get there.
FlimsyPineapple0@reddit
Why did you regret going back to Canada? I an also considering going back right now…
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
Why do you regret it? I honestly feel that I’ve suffered so much in Sweden that whatever negatives could be back in my home country will be less in comparison.
camouspimouss@reddit
Hey, i have recently moved back to my homeland after 12 years abroad including 8 in Canada. Similarly to you, i was feeling exhausted in Canada. I was also struggling a lot with isolation, balancing life and work and some burn out due to work since covid.
I had never really considered moving back home (for me france) until maybe last fall. But i didnt see myself leaving Canada for another place to adjust to and another language to learn. So i figured lets give a shot to home again.
So far it had been going well but its too soon to tell if I will regret my choice or not. I dont think I will considering that I personally find the system here easier to navigate (bec i am used to it, more than the system itself being amazingly easy).
In any case it feel right for me to be back and i also feel the timing was right.
In your case, if you want to go home, consider what is holding you back? Do you need a plan B for example? I know that for myself i figured I could always leave home again if I didnt like it after a year.
FlimsyPineapple0@reddit
Where in Canada were you based?
zirticario@reddit
I feel you. I've been an expat my whole life too and being a Canadian, I don't fit in here well either. I've spent years abroad, about 4-5 years in the US, and another 3 years in Europe. I liked living in Europe better, as long as one doesn't have to work a traditional corporate job there (which is a big if, I know). But I can't stand it in Canada either. So now I'm nomading around the world until I find somewhere to settle. I come home to Canada and dislike it as much or even more every time. My suggestion is to find something of value - a lifestyle you really like or set of values you really align with, that a country enables, and see if you can make it work. The answer for me at least, isn't most western first-world countries. Not anymore at least.
RubyRuppells@reddit
Where in Canada are you from? I left Canada also and I’m struggling whether to go back or not. Grew up in Van, lived in Toronto for several years pre pandemic.
FlimsyPineapple0@reddit
Also from Canada 🙌 and living as an expat. Wow there are way more Canadians on this subreddit than I would have thought.
ProblemForeign7102@reddit
Well I moved back to Germany after living in Canada for over 10 years...though tbf I wouldn't consider myself a typical "expat", since I moved to Canada as a teenager...
Am I happier back here in Germany? Not really tbh. I feel like I carried my problems with me. Yeah, living in Germany suits me somewhat more than living in Canada for various reasons, but I don't feel that I'm really happier here...so IDK, I feel like if you have mental issues with yourself (such as I have, won't go into detail), then it won't help much if you move of you don't tackle them...
FlimsyPineapple0@reddit
😂 I am the reverse. I am from Canada and moved to Germany during the pandemic in 2021. I have been here nearly five years now and am considering moving back. Mostly because I haven’t lived in my hometown since I was 18 and I want to give it a chance before I permanently settle somewhere. I am 32 now and my parents are close to 70. I have really appreciated the job stability Germany has given me. It helped me get back on my feet after being in debt due to higher education. But being here has made me develop like this inner wound where I feel the loss of connection with my family and friends back home. I find that I am often the one who has to organise phone calls, even with my parents. And I haven’t been able to build up the social connections here to be able to feel connected here. I basically just have my boyfriend and his group of friends.
Miochi2@reddit
I come from Germany and also in Canada . What makes me want to go back is having a bad marriage and no family here I feel very lonely
Brooklyn_MLS@reddit
I lived 4 years abroad in Costa Rica and I moved back to New York last summer. I feel better in certain ways and worse in others—it’s a balance.
In Costa Rica, I didn’t think about money, but I had less of it. Here, I make a lot more, but think about money often. Idk which is better lol.
One thing that is better here in NY is my group of friends—I basically only had other expat friends abroad. That got tiring quickly.
Lastly, I miss the weather in CR every day. It is really difficult to feel awful in 80 degree sunny weather with palm trees and greenery year round.
FlimsyPineapple0@reddit
The whole only having expat friends is definitely a thing. I have been living in Germany for five years and i only now have started making some good German friends. It took a really long time. For the majority of my five years here I only had expat friends and i found that every year I would have to start from scratch because they would move away - either back home or to another city. It really weighs on you.
Jncocontrol@reddit
i recently returned home myself, currently staying with my folks ( whom are retired ) and i'm down the middle ( if that makes sense ) becuase they live in an RV, and I came back from a rather nice apartment in China. But, on the other hand, I'm just happy to see my parents, and after covid in China, I need to see them more than ever.
FlimsyPineapple0@reddit
How are you feeling now? I also lived in China from 2018 to 2020, and then moved to Germany in 2021 because of COVID. I'm originally from Canada.
Jncocontrol@reddit
I went back to China, after staying home for about 3 months, I couldn't stand the cost of living, I couldn't stand the tension. Said "F this" and moved to Hainan China
misatillo@reddit
Yes I did! And I regret not moving back earlier. I tried to make it work as much as I could, learned the local language, going to meetups, joining (or trying) local events/clubs, even my husband is local! But it was soul crushing for me and I felt really bad and lonely despite trying hard to make friends. After 10 years nobody came to say bye to me. I just sold my house, closed the door and came back home.
And I’ve been happier than ever! I make less money but long time ago I realised I don’t want to make tons of money (that’s why I left home) but I want to spend time with people I care (and they care about me) more than anything else.
FlimsyPineapple0@reddit
Did your husband move back with you? That's one thing that has kept me in Germany for five years- my boyfriend. We originally made a plan that after he finished school we would try moving back to Canada where I'm from and stay there for a couple years to see if Germany or Canada suited us better. A few days ago he informed me that he would not come to Canada with me. He said we could do long distance for a couple of years if I wanted to move back temporarily, but he said he would not join :( this has put a major damper on things. Obviously I didn't stay in Germany for five years just because of him (I also have a very well paying job) but he was a large part of what was keeping me here.
misatillo@reddit
Yes he did. We agreed that we will try here and if he didn’t like it we will move somewhere else. So far we’ve been 5 years here and he is as happy as I am. So no plans on moving again.
upliftedunicorn@reddit
Thanks for this! I'm originally from Sweden and I always felt it was a miserable country so I left for another country outside of Europe for 5 years and I had never felt better. Now back in Sweden again I literally feel likes it's eating my soul.
Abroad_Vagabond@reddit
I have not moved back to the US (yet), but I’m here to simply relate to these feelings. I’m in Norway and I’m really trying to make it work, but I’m continuously wondering how things would be if I moved back to the US. I lived in Asia as well for 4 years and I keep thinking about maybe going back there as well, but I doubt the exhaustion would get better. Learning new languages and integrating into another culture is so rewarding but so incredibly exhausting when there’s so much pressure involved to get a job and make a living. I’m not sure I’ll move back to the US, but I do know my friend did after living in Asia for 5 years. It’s been an adjustment but she is no longer exhausted in trying to make a living and make things work. Things work there as in she has a stabile job in her field, working on buying a home, has a car, etc. she’s just still trying to find more friends and establish a community which takes a little bit of time any new place you move to.
I wish you luck in your journey! For me, it’s the shit weather in Scandinavia that’s driving me nuts haha That and the lack of sun is extremely challenging. Also how expensive activities are :/
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
For me it’s the instability I’ve experienced here. Getting laid off more than once, losing work permits because of it, visa requirements, the legal system which resulted in me losing $20k just because some asshole makes subjective decisions. Can’t find housing. Yes, I know this happens in the U.S. but maybe it will be easier if it’s my own culture, I don’t have visa issues, and can get paid 3 times the amount.
LuxRolo@reddit
With 8 years residence in Sweden aren't you able to have permanent residence and citizenship? If you had Swedish citizenship then you wouldn't need to worry about moving back to the US and then finding out you actually were not doing so bad in Sweden?
Definitely feel for you, visa/immigration is a huge worry for me and I can't wait to be able to apply for citizenship to not have to worry about that any longer.
🫂
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
Unfortunately I don’t qualify for PR due to constant layoffs 🥲
LuxRolo@reddit
Ah, I'm sorry to hear this 😞 hope things have improved for you since you posted ❤️
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
The only thing that improved is that I finally decided to leave this black hole of a country and immediately friends and family said I look and sound happier. Plus multiple job opportunities, not living like a poor person anymore, and overall I am SO GLAD I left Sweden. My life improved drastically as did my mental health. That place is horrible for expat mental health in the long term, especially if you are from a first world country.
LuxRolo@reddit
Glad to hear you've made a decision you're happy with ❤️ I'm in Norway myself and know people who left here for similar reasons to you, so it's definitely not an uncommon situation in the nordics.
Wishing you the best :)
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
I feel like everyone focuses on these (false) reports of them being the happiest countries on earth with a good quality of life. But the PR is not realistic. Sure, you’re not getting bombed or living in poverty but the actual happiness of the people is low. So what do we mean by quality of life and happiness? Always struggling to find and keep a job, people who will never accept you and quietly gaslight and discriminate? The Nordics need more realistic coverage of the situation and how so many foreigners end up moving away broken and destitute.
LuxRolo@reddit
I've read so many times that it should be renamed - it's not happiness in terms of feeling happy, but like you said, in terms of things like welfare, etc. There is absolutely worse countries to live in (like you said, we're not getting bombed or other things), but it's definitely not an easy place to feel happy in the way natives do here. I saw a top 50 countries for expats/immigrants and Norway was at 49th place. I know so many people who moved because they loved Norway as a holiday destination but hated living here.
We're in the first week of October, and already, I'm feeling the start of my seasonal depression hit (and I'm not even in the north).
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
Yep, in fact majority of the Nordic countries are in the top worst places to live for expats list. That should ring the alarm bells.
Abroad_Vagabond@reddit
This is a good point! If you could get one of these things (permanent residency or citizenship) it would make life abroad a lot easier especially if visa stuff is heavily weighing on your mind. I’ve been fortunate to not have too many visa issues in my years abroad. But I can say, I do believe things would be much easier in the US because you wouldn’t have that to worry about that it’s your own culture with your native language. Reverse culture shock is also a thing, but if you want to move back, I’m sure you could overcome it :)
Mercurio_Arboria@reddit
This is the stereotype of Scandinavian countries, very expensive and exclusive. Even planning a vacation to Sweden or Norway seems prohibitive to me, LOL. So don't feel bad because you're not the only one.
tengoCojonesDeAcero@reddit
I have returned home from Denmark, after living there for 2 years.
I didn't really try to make it work because, after half a year, I felt that the Danish lifestyle is not for me. So when my contract ended, I moved back to Lithuania and I'm glad I did.
floridesoc@reddit
Would you mind telling us more about the Danish experience? I visited it a few times and didn't expect to find it so charming. But I realise that I was wearing rose tinted tourist glasses. I'm curious if like as a foreigner there is different to life as a foreigner in Germany
tengoCojonesDeAcero@reddit
I lived in a student city (Aarhus). It is a pretty compact city, the public transport system is solid, lots of places to meet people due to many events happening on the daily.
But chances are, you will not make a single friend that is Danish.
Danes are a very different society, compared to most of Europe. They have high trust, and are nationalistic (aka. love their country and government). Their relationships are tight-knit, and, you will not likely be able to enter danish social circles, unless you know the culture deeply (Hygge for example) and speak fluently in their language. After all, the most googled question in the country is "how to make friends in Denmark".
So you will find that most foreigners stick with foreigners.
There's also a significant middle-eastern migrant population which has caused unrest, and there's an ongoing housing crisis on top of that.
Applying for student housing takes 6-8 months, if you are lucky.
Finding a job can also be difficult here.
Although 99% of Danes speak good english, you will likely struggle to find employment, because most jobs require you to know Danish.
So, all in all, it is a developted country, with its own set of problems, and unless you learn the culture and the language, you will struggle to make friends and get employed.
floridesoc@reddit
Thank you for sharing! Aarhus is on my bucket list for this month as a matter of fact. Yeah, you can see that they love their country, wouldn't have expected to see danish flags plastered all over the place lol. Somehow didn't expect it from a stoic northern country.
From how you're describing it, it's the same as in Germany, almost impossible to make local friends as a foreigner. And the language seems to be even more challenging, I'm glad I don't have to learn it ( funny enough, to me it sounded like a mix of French and Chinese).
I guess I'll just keep the nice memories ( less the prices) as a tourist and won't dig any further. Copenhagen seemed like a dream city to me, but I guess it's really like that only for the natives
MoonFernTreasures@reddit
I feel you friend. I'm from the USA as well, and I'm living in Germany. I'm so stressed and tired and exhausted, but I also love Germany with all of my heart and know this is where I want to be long-term. However, I'm about to undergo a career change and I'm just not sure I can handle so much instability at once, that I'm considering if I should move back to the USA for a few years. Largest challenge for me has been financial 😞 then language - but they go together.
Stac_y_With_No_E@reddit
Can I ask if after 8 years, why would they not consider you eligible for citizenship? I also understand id you do not wish to share.
Hope all is well.
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
I’m not eligible because I got laid off more than once and it sort of ruined the consecutive years I qualify for. Another reason this place has dragged me down.
Stac_y_With_No_E@reddit
OOOhhh…….I understand. What sector (finance, education, manufacturing, retail, construction, etc) did you work in?
goldilockszone55@reddit
i have moved back home, although i never really left because i was going back and forth and it is exhausting. I was sure i would come back home then… things have shifted. The US exhausted me too but differently. Nowhere is truly better unless you call it home… which means when you do have both primary residence and morgage
realYashGarg@reddit
I'm moving back in a week permanently to India from Finland, 1 year and 10 months earlier than the expiry of my residence permit, I have already submitted a notification to have my permit cancelled. The main reason is that this isn't what I wanted at all. I couldn't make myself to like living in the EU (Last summer, I travelled to Netherlands, Luxembourg, France, Germany, Switzerland, Slovenia, Croatia, Austria, Czechia) and bleeding money/destroying myself financially, which i regretfully have lost but it wasn't for naught and i can recover from it. Needed to make a decision and make it fast, I finally chose to go back.
Also, I do not wish to become a citizen of any country, it may be good for someone else but in my case, I'm perfectly content with mine.
I was also considering to move to Canada, prior to making a final decision to move back, but the more i researched about it and found out after talking with some connections, I couldn't make myself to go there as i didn't like the idea of it. It would have been worse than here, at the very least, financially.
I'm returning home now and i'm already happy about it, it will help me recover. In the future, I'll limit myself to Asia for work and travel.
If you feel the need to go back, you probably should. Sometimes it's better to return but of course, the choice is yours to make.
Lightlightttt@reddit
As an Indian who is considering of living in the EU in the future, what made you come back?
realYashGarg@reddit
I'm not going to make this into a rant or anything, it simply wasn't worth it for me (Living in the EU or getting a EU member citizenship)
Some personal reasons were: (Strictly in my case)
People will never accept you, Unspoken racism (not literal but it is there aka Indirect racism), Hate (even if you grew up here and speak the language, people have some kind of hate towards you), permanent depression is a thing, close mindedness of people (not everyone does this and this isn't general), high taxes (I do not like taxes and certainly not this high), I do not like the idea of living on pensions and you can stay away from it, but I won't save much, I lived miserably on a €2000 budget (Didn't earn it here, but wired it from India so i didn't pay taxes on it)
To give you a figure and since you are an Indian, you will understand.
I came to Finland in August, 2022 and i'm already leaving 1 year and 6 month later....Until now I have spent €170000 across EU including my travels and everything (was my own money, just a chunk of it but when you realise the value of money, you start to regret the amount you just spent away)
Do the conversion in INR of that amount.
I came here to study, I was going to complete my degree earlier than planned, One teacher of mine didn't let me do it. In Finland, You can substitute your university courses if you have completed a similar one outside the school, I went to a summer exchange on my own expense, completed the courses (credits and same curriculum), went to the specific teacher (Lots of discussions happened but she didn't change it and then she started being racist, "a stupid Indian like you wouldn't know anything, dumb brown skin person" - that's the quote of the teacher.
I have pride, I won't be talked in such a manner and well...no one did anything after my complaining, i transferrer my credits and will do my Dual degrees from the US (Online) also gives me the flexibility of travelling to Asia while studying, I have already planned some of my trips.
Do note, everyone except for a single teacher and a couple others have been super nice to me, I even have good friends across the EU (in all the countries i mentioned).
There's assholes everywhere, this is the harsh truth.
Financially, it doesn't make sense. Then in principle, it doesn't make sense, I certainly won't be put in with the likes of a refugee, I paid and spent my own money, but sometimes i was accused of stealing money from their social system and I'm like no, I'm financially well off. (All foreigners are assumed to be delivery drivers, common stereotype).
Food is meh, everything is expensive and everything works by appointment (Which is absolutely fine, In India, you can have urgent service for a price about everything)
The language issue - every country has its own language (Which is again fine and all power to them but if you want to move around, you need to learn another language In whichever country you plan to move to, english works and people know it most of the time, but it's)
Driving here is a joy though, there's order and everyone follows rules, I travelled to all those countries by my own car which i have now sold because i'm coming back, Autobahn is lovely for a BMW, you can go as fast as you want in no limit areas (I fulfilled my fantasy of driving at 246kph)
I wanted to go to finance, The US is a million times better for it, but it has immigration uncertatinties, of course, i can apply for EB-5 but it's not worth it. Asia is better for me in finance as well.
I like asia. Food is good, cheap living, low taxes (even indian taxes are lower compared to EU taxes), I already have money why would i destroy myself financially by moving here?... and I don't even like it to begin with (I want to escape from here)
Of course, your thoughts and choices might significantly differ from mine and I can't tell you what to do or speak for you, but I have realised, Asia is the place for me.
There's a ton, I have definitely missed but i can't write it all but i have experienced Europe during my time here and my conclusion is that it isn't for me.
Maybe it is for you, i can't speak for you.
Lightlightttt@reddit
That, is a very nice reply. Thanks! :)
Hedymon@reddit
Haha i feel the same and i'm in Finland! I am so upset and depressed at being here - there is no adjustment period to get used to... you soon realise that you will never fit in so either feel like an alien forever or move!
realYashGarg@reddit
Glad to see there is someone who agrees, at this point, I don't blame Finland for it at all. Everywhere I travelled to was somewhat of the same environment minus the weather though, the sentiment across the whole EU is gradually changing.
At this point, I just want to leave peacefully, I'm leaving on 25th so 9 days to go, I need a vet certificate on Monday from my city vet for the pets, otherwise, i would have moved this sunday but one week is not too long. I will be absolutely happy and ready for the next step along with working on myself, my health goals, learning mandarin and travelling throughout Asia.
If I didn't come here and experience it, I would always have a longing to come to EU (Because i had apparently drank the kool aid), frankly, I don't want to ever come back anymore. I'm glad i came, i'm just not sure it was worth the stress and hassle but i gained experience.
I hope you find your way out to somewhere you'd like as well.
Hedymon@reddit
Gosh yes i feel the same - we drank the same batch of cool aid! I don't blame Finland either its just not a good fit for me! I'm from the u.k and that comes with its own problems but its my home! I have two children too and i can see they will always be 'other' in school and in life. We have made lovely friends here so its not even people it's systemic! We have only been here 9 months but i feel like life is passing us by. The term 'golden cage' has never felt more true! Hey You did you gained some maine coons and thats a good take away from your experience! Have a good journey home and good luck with the last expense of the vet bills!
realYashGarg@reddit
The country not being a good fit for you is perfectly normal. Oh! the u.k is a good place, no place is perfect and it is your home. The children...i understand the standing out from the rest part. I just hope they are having a good time in their school life.
You have been here for less time than I have, I hope you have a chance to move somewhere else, of course, if you so desire.
Yes, these 2 are companions i gained, no doubt about that.
Thank you and have a good time in Finland as well, however long you stay here for.
Ouch! Yeah, I also need to pay finnair €1200 or €600 per pet along with the vet bills, most outrageous prices for pets btw. The limit is €400 everywhere but it's the only direct flight from Helsinki to Delhi so just having to deal with this plus their luggage restriction bs, they've also started an experiment to weigh people and people voluntarily agreed to be weighed for the experiment, I can only imagine what will happen later.
Todoslosplanetas@reddit
Why is that happening?
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
Many people have gotten laid off in Sweden since COVID. It’s very unstable here the last few years, even for Swedes.
mbo25@reddit
Watched the news recently? Had a look at the job market?
Totally unnecessary response.
RedPanda888@reddit
I did 6 months in Sweden and I resented it. Love the people but really did not click culturally, far too devoid of anything I really valued in life. I now live in a much less developed country and life is a lot more exciting. I feel like the world is my oyster here but in Sweden I felt claustrophobic.
8 years is an incredible stint in any Scandinavian country. Do you have a wife or partner there? I don’t think I know anyone who moved there long term unless they had family ties.
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
No family in Scandinavia, just living on opitimism that it will eventually get better (it never did)
koolestsmile@reddit
I’m interested, where do you live now?
LizP1959@reddit
Yes—-got a high-prestige job in the UK and sold my 4 BR pool house in CA and car and most of my possessions. Lived there for one year and found the job to be not what it was promised to be by a mile. Bad expensive housing was a drag too. I could have stayed; job was a success, though not what I wanted or needed. Thick and class-based glass ceiling. I cut my losses after one year and moved back to the US. Fortunately my job wanted me back and even gave me a good raise (lesson: never burn bridges). But my beautiful pool house and a car I loved were gone forever. I still haven’t recovered financially and probably never will. But I’m so so so so glad not to have to live in the UK any more. Great place to visit. Not so much to live there if you want a nice sized house with good amenities like a decent washer-dryer set or nice sized bathrooms, and other things we consider basics in US. Come on back! Or take a leave of absence and try it and see how it goes. Look, you gave it a good try. No shame in knowing what works for you and what doesn’t.
QnOfHrts@reddit (OP)
I am considering coming back temporarily for 6 months to test it out without de registering myself in Sweden until I’m sure.
Efficient_Science_47@reddit
I'm Norwegian and could never get Norway to work for me. There comes a point where you need to admit it and seek happiness. Don't stay somewhere that runs you down, it is of no benefit. Perhaps go home and figure things out. Living abroad is not for everyone and can be very taxing. It might be a welcome respite to go home for awhile and get some perspective on things. Plenty of places to go that is very unlike Scandinavian countries and their quirks.
Remarkable_Trust8582@reddit
Hvor dro du? Jeg er lei vinter og dyre priser (på nesten alt), samt kjedelig og dårlig maturvalg når kvaliteten er i beste fall middels.
Efficient_Science_47@reddit
Flyttet tilbake til England hvor jeg har bodd i over 20 år nå. Flyttet for å studere, men fant samboer og karriere. Livet er langt enklere, spesielt på jobb og sosial fronten. Dyrt, kaldt og vått men det kan jeg leve med. Mat var noe vi savnet i vãr tid i Norge. Samboeren min var langt ifra imponert og jeg ble rimelig skuffet. Holdt ut i litt over ett år. Angret aldri den avgjørelsen. Men bodde kun i norge noen år i barndommen, og senere for å fullføre videregående.
Har siden flyttet til Saudi Arabia, så nå kan jeg ikke klage på kulde ihvertfall, eller dyre priser..kunne nok greit levd i Norge med saudiske lønninger.
Men Norge kommer jeg aldri tilbake til permanent. Ikke satt fot i landet på syv år sånn cirkus.
Arctic_Lingonberries@reddit
I'm an American living in Norway. I'm trying to make it work but it has been exhausting. I had some very negative experiences as a foreigner from lousy people. I have been here for a little over a year so I'm still hoping with more language practice and time things will get easier. I'm nervous about returning to the US especially with the upcoming election and my feelings of safety. While I have certainly experienced discrimination here, I guess I'm not as afraid because violent crime isn't huge here. But the US is home. There are good and bad things about it just like there are good and bad in Norway. I miss it often though and the comforts I did have. For me it's too soon to know so I'm trying to keep an open mind. I think 8 years is enough time for someone to know. Have you considered other countries? I think your happiness returning depends on what you value, your finances, and where you plan to be. Would you return to the same state or city and find happiness and support there? Returning to a place may not feel the same as you left it and that might be difficult to adapt to as well. Maybe you can get citizenship and return to the US (or try another place) temporarily to test it out a bit before deciding? I know it's hard searching for home. Best of luck.
FeatherDust11@reddit
I’m in this sub because I’ve been an expat a big part of my life and I’m sure I will be again, but I live in the US right now. I relate to what you are saying because 7 years ago I moved from the east coast to a rural western town. I just don’t feel like it’s worked and I want to move back too, it’s hard to let go and ‘go back’ and overcome a sense of failure, about the way things didn’t work out. However, I’m trying to focus on making the best of the rest of my time here and knowing it was only meant to be for that amount of time. I did some things and had experiences I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been here, but there is no shame I’m ’going back’
Knurpel@reddit
Before you move somewhere for good, ALWAYS stay there for a month or two on a trial basis.
abstract_explorer@reddit
Sweden is a type of country that simply looks very attractive(yes, the clean atmosphere, the beautiful people, clean water, corruption-free government etc). But since the standard is so high, I guess the Swedes have to step down to accommodate the expats. From their perspective, it doesn't really make sense?
I think the expats should have least expectations when moving to a new place. I made the same mistake, and learnt this the hard way.
Bright_Beat_5981@reddit
Sweden has to be the worst country for expats. From my perspective as a swedish person none of the good things with sweden really benefit expats. A couple of examples:
People in general have a lot of very close friends. All of them are from childhood up to university however. Swedish people don't make friends after they turn 25.
Beautiful nature and coastline. It's not for outsiders however. Since it's very strict where and how you can build, apartment complex and vacation apartments simply don't exist . You need to know people who have a summerhouse, have a family who has one or buy it yourself.
I can go on and on. The point is that you have to grow up there to enjoy it. It's not expat friendly in any way except that most people speak english.
abstract_explorer@reddit
Agreed 100%. Also I noticed people from other EU countries such as Germany, Portugal, Spain etc open up somewhat better than Swedish people.
I think that’s where the expats are stuck.
wagdog1970@reddit
I was in Sweden over Christmas and I noticed while driving in the interior that every car I saw on the road was from Sweden ( I think I saw one Norwegian). Other European countries I’ve lived in have always had more foreigners,even Britain and it’s an island!
BatteryAcidCoffeeAU@reddit
I lived in Toronto for a year and I was deeply unhappy. I found people to be very cold and distant. I came home to Melbourne and the friendliness of strangers is night and day.
hater4life22@reddit
All my (American) friends who I met while living in my current country moved back home and are happier for it. It’s different for everyone and their circumstances of course, but it is possible. Sometimes you just need to go home.
phillyphilly19@reddit
Listen, there's mess everywhere. But it's very easy to live here, especially if you avoid the hypermedia machine. I don't think you'll regret moving back. Let us know what happens.
InterestinglyLucky@reddit
As a person who worked for a Swedish company for a few years (and have been to Sweden for work probably 6 or 7 times, I lost count), I'm here to say I can appreciate how much effort you've given to make it work.
I got to know several expats from other countries while there, and they have told me some of the struggles of foreigners trying to assimilate. Some pretty incredible stories I've heard.
No shame at all in coming back to the U.S. for whatever various reasons you have, when I came back from a few years in Asia it was rediscovering the U.S. all over again. It's an experience no one can take away from you.
Wish you the best.
2catspbr@reddit
Better? No no, it's spelled "w-o-r-s-e"
north2future@reddit
I returned to the US and it didn’t work out but I definitely saw how it could work if my circumstances were different.
In general the US probably isn’t the best place for mental or emotional recovery but it could be for financial recovery if work is your main source of fulfillment in life.
Long story short, if I had a family support network, access to a cheap place to stay, and enjoyed office work more, then I think the US could be great. Unfortunately that wasn’t true for me - but it was true for my wife and she has had a much better time being back in the US. The convenience of things here is unparalleled and she is a bit more sheltered from financial stress because I’m the main breadwinner.
But as someone that feels the financial pressure more directly, it has been a pretty bad time for me. I will never be able to afford a home in my home state. I will never be able to pay for my own retirement let alone cover the cost of my aging parents. I have nothing to inherit so there isn’t really a path out while living here. My only option is living somewhere else with a much lower cost of living and saving basically every penny I make.
The US isn’t great right now. But if you have some family to support you and a career that you love (and pays well) then you probably could make it work.
SensitiveDonkey5784@reddit
I have not returned home but have thought about it so many times. I do the calculations and know that when the sun is shining I feel so lucky to be away. And when I do visit home I feel lucky to have the option to have the choice of two countries.
If you've lived in Sweden for 8 years, that's enough to get citizenship. Then you can move home knowing you can move back to the EU, should you ever want to leave the US again. You don't have to move back to Sweden in particular.
LonghorninNYC@reddit
I came back to the US after over a decade away but it wasn’t by choice….visa issues caused by the pandemic resulted in an unplanned (and at first unwanted) return. Three years in it’s been good overall; it’s nice to not have to deal with language barriers, visa issues or feeling like a foreigner. The healthcare situation and rise of right wing populism make me think about leaving again though…my mental won’t survive another Trump presidency if I actually have to be here for it this time.
Overall though I’d say it’s been a positive experience after the initial reverse culture shock.
dak0taaaa@reddit
I really relate to this. I’m in the NL which has a huge housing crisis and the housing issues here are really wearing me down. I know bad landlords and bad housing can exist everywhere but it seems so pervasive here because of how tight the housing market is. I don’t have any words of advice but I completely understand the exhaustion and I also feel like things might be easier if I moved home too.
DivineAlmond@reddit
Many!