ULPT: Getting hit but can’t hit back? Flick them
Posted by Divine_ruler@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 79 comments
Not talking about cases where you’re overpowered/worried about physical consequences or your assaulter has some kind of power over you. I’m talking about cases where someone is hitting you because they’re confident that, due to them being smaller and weaker, you won’t retaliate/people will side with them if you do
Annoying child who decided hitting people is their new favorite thing? Flick them (lightly)(may have to then deal with a crying child or angry parent, but worth it imo)
Woman who’s confident you’ll just stand there and accept getting hit due to the optics of hitting back? Flick her
Nobody really considers flicking to be a serious thing, but if you do it right it can still be pretty painful. And this way you can actually retaliate in situations where you aren’t comfortable actually hitting your assaulter. Far more satisfying than the more ethical route of just walking away, which lets them go on with their life with the knowledge that they can get away with hitting people. It’s also kind of a psychological win, because you’re not letting them get away with hitting you, you’re not hitting them back in a way that makes them the victim, and it’s kind of humiliating
carlcrossgrove@reddit
Flick their ear. Same with bad cats. It really resets their attitude.
pretzelsRus@reddit
Do not do this to animals. That is abuse.
tetlee@reddit
Laughing works too and written with guys too.. Random guy at a bar sucker punched me once and I laughed and said "is that the best you've got" the look on his face was priceless. Thankfully he was thrown out right away cause I was quite drunk and a proper fight might not have gone well for me
rusmo@reddit
I have a feeling this isn’t the first time you’ve told this story.
tetlee@reddit
hehe it did happen 25 years ago so it might have been a fitting story to tell a few times
PaticusGnome@reddit
There’s really a sweet spot for drinking and fighting. You want a little extra confidence, but not so much that you get sloppy and knocked out easily.
Single_Plenty_5403@reddit
Ts is NOT tuff bro 🥀💔✌️😭
minnosota@reddit
What the fuck are you saying
RealLokiLaufeyson@reddit
He is saying Taylor Swift isn't tough. (I disagree)
No-Instruction-5669@reddit
And maybe a lil pinch for good measure
Specialist-Outside80@reddit
I used to give men who wouldn't leave me alone in bars a good pinch. Even before fake nails, that shit HURT and was usually unexpected. I made sure to get them on the side of the ribs or waist, skin is softer there 😡
JL9berg18@reddit
Then a noogie
New-IncognitoWindow@reddit
Calm down Satan.
WhoskeyTangoFoxtrot@reddit
Boogie isn’t that bad…. Wedgie, preferably atomic…
21Yosh@reddit
Swirlie has entered the chat.
TheZwitD@reddit
Purple Nurple quietly peaks through the window
Geltab_the_wise@reddit
Have you met my friend Melvin?
Lopsided_Ad_1696@reddit
First name Wet. Last name Willy.
PMMEYOURGRANDMASPIE@reddit
I know i am late, but if a kid is really annoying, just tell them santa doesnt exist, and even if he did, he wouldn't visit the kid for doing xyz.
Valuable_Log_518@reddit
One time, my oldest child was getting picked on when she was… I think 6. Rather than hit her bully, she got real close and licked her. Gross, but effective. The girl never went close to her again.
gooeyjello@reddit
Add a wet willy to the scenario
PaticusGnome@reddit
Okay, it’s time I tell the world about the Clean Sanchez. You lick your thumb nice and wet and swipe it across their upper lip. It’s devastating.
VanillaBoxCake@reddit
Good thing I have natural mustache defense
UltimatePickpocket@reddit
Yeah my friend Bill is a scuba diver, but what does he have to do with anything?
throcorfe@reddit
As long as you have something to wet your willy with
conker69@reddit
nadvargas@reddit
Yes
rilakkumapog@reddit
bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bc bf
LowVacation6622@reddit
Flick them where exactly? 😁
kreemie-goodness@reddit
Or do what Stephen Fry suggests, just say “don’t do that, you’ll give me an erection”.
Zingmo@reddit
Maybe not if it's an annoying child!
MobiusNaked@reddit
On the other hand gets the parents finally involved
CoolDragon@reddit
“Mom! What’s an erection?”
Belem19@reddit
"Go ask your father!"
chobo4@reddit
“He said he doesn’t know either!”
ReferredByJorge@reddit
“It’s why we’re stuck dealing with you today, instead of having the house paid off early.”
inksonpapers@reddit
Yeah so this doesnt work
BootlegOP@reddit
I always go for a Dutch oven response
DiscombobulatedLamp@reddit
Cup-a-fart. Just be ready for the counter punch if you are too close and they think that you're trying to slap them.
The_best_is_yet@reddit
Throw them in bed and cover both of you with sheets while you fart… could be badly misinterpreted though, not worth it. Just fart while they are standing there. Aim directly at them for maximal scent.
Longjumping-Table-39@reddit
EumelaninKnight@reddit
Grew up with sisters. All older. Always got in trouble for hitting them back. I discovered that driving the center of your thumb into the mid thigh is very effective against women and children. It hurts and tickles at the same time. Try it on yourself first to see how much pressure you need to get an involuntary defensive response without inflicting unnecessary pain.
Disclaimer: as with flicking, not useful for serious situations. it's most effect when they are sitting. And definitely DO NOT do this to someone you're not close too. The thigh contact alone could be problematic for some. So friends & fam only lmao
DefNotYourType@reddit
Hold them by the shoulders and shake tf out of them.
swirlysleepydog@reddit
Please watch Josh Johnson’s new special on HBO - he does a bit about his grown-ass friend getting shaken. Absolutely hysterical!!!
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Do not do this to babies or small children. It can kill them.
Perhaps consider a piss disc, fuck their dad, or go buy some milk instead.
littlebunnyfu@reddit
Piss in their dad's milk. Got it!
justhere4freesnacks@reddit
This was my mom's preferred method when I was acting up as a kid. A single flick to the top of my head. I don't remember that it hurt but I'm pretty sure it worked for my mom.
We did not carry on this tradition with our kids.
EddieKroman@reddit
Grab them by the ear, Catholic school nun style. Watched my little sister do this to someone, it’s very handy in a situation where you believe physical violence is imminent. Always tell the police you believe you intervened this way, you believed physical violence was imminent.
ChefArtorias@reddit
How old was your sister when this happened?
EddieKroman@reddit
She was in her late 40’s. She’s can be physically intimidating, she’s 6’1”. BTW, she hates bullies and on more than one occasion beat up bullies in High School. She’s my hero, and I’m damn proud of her.
MeliodusSama@reddit
So are we!
rosietheamazon@reddit
Phoebe Buffay Style
gotchafaint@reddit
If it’s an adult you can grab their arm and give them a spanking. It won’t hurt but it will be embarrassing
GermanD2021@reddit
Pass. Hit me, get decked.
PaticusGnome@reddit
This guy decks children.
1541drive@reddit
And kittens
vodiak@reddit
An immediate, measured response. Harder than they hit you, but not hard enough to cause serious injury.
leeharv3y@reddit
Take something from this entitled small creature and position it somewhere they can’t reach. Works nice with mobiles or purses.
I saw this happening in France and the aggressor - a <5 ft massively drunk woman in her 40ies started crying, after her purse was slowly put on top of a meat cabinet. The eye contact the guy held, while keeping her away at an arm length. She was vegan.
Shivin302@reddit
Entitled small creature lmao. I'm going to use that
AdmirablePut9609@reddit
Or just take out your shirt and your pants and get in a fight stance
ImpertinentPrincess@reddit
The real ULPT is to reach under their arm and pinch the inside of the upper arm right below their armpit. This area is incredibly painful so you can get your message across without leaving a mark and to anyone else it looks like you’re grabbing their arm to bring them to their parents. It’s what my mom would do in public since she couldn’t just hit us and it was effective.
PaticusGnome@reddit
My mom would pull the tiny hairs on the back of my neck upwards. Super sensitive and no mark.
RemotestOfSpheres@reddit
Ehh you just got FLICKED homie, whatcha gonna do about it
yankykiwi@reddit
Thats the only way i got my one year old to stop biting me. It took twice and she learned.
Try taking a sharp bite to the thigh and not instinctively do anything more than a flick.
PickleRickPickleDic@reddit
Flick them in the neck- super annoying and can be painful for a second. I used to do this to my roommate but it was all in good fun.
barbzilla1@reddit
Technically speaking they can still prosecute the same way they could if you struck them back. So if it's a legal concern, I'm not sure that the flick helps. I will say if it goes to a trial by jury it might help, but oftentimes these are civil suits that are just heard by a judge with no jury involved.
Divine_ruler@reddit (OP)
Less legal concern more getting jumped by white knights or security
barbzilla1@reddit
I guess it might depend on where you live but here in the State of Florida that can be prosecuted, although more often it would be a lawsuit. I am not trying to say that is a super common response to it either, but it is a possibility.
chillripper@reddit
good advice for teachers
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Administrators are not known for backing up teachers, and as another pointed out, "it was just a flick," is not a legal defense when charged with battery.
chillripper@reddit
it was a joke obviously. been a teacher for 28 years. this whole post was a joke
Comfortable_Load_692@reddit
All around cherish this.
0rwellsWarning@reddit
As soon as you reach your hand out to flick the person, anyone witnessing will likely witness the movement as an escalation. The other person will definitely overreact if there is any amount of pain, and it is considered assault by the police, technically.
Unethical advice and also just bad
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Calgaris_Rex@reddit
This is r/unethicallifeprotips , not r/EmilyPost . Of course it's unethical lol
Centimal@reddit
If you are much stronger grabbing hands and holding them while you escort them to the appropriate time out area can be fun
Cool_Bite_5553@reddit
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