Husband tried using the food grinder to make ground coffee

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LuluTopSionMid@reddit

It needed longer time in the blender.

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HTD-Vintage@reddit

He would have been better off using a hammer on the floor in the garage than whatever happened here.

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AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)

Food PROCESSOR sorry about that

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regeya@reddit

I was gonna say, you could probably use a blender or a food processor in a pinch, it just probably won't be very good and should be more chopped up than this.

If your food processor is like mine though, the first option is for soft things. It's the mode I use if my family wants fettuccine and I don't feel like grating parmigiano. Puree should pulverize coffee beans, though I've never tried it.

If you want a cheap grinder that'll get good results, a Hario hand crank mill is good; they're relatively cheap and you get a little exercise while doing it. Or at least it feels that way to me while I continue to recover from an injury...but I digress.

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sirwobblz@reddit

I have this skinny little hario hand one and I find the grind surface too small. It takes ages. I usually only use it when I travel. Electric is easiest at home

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icantfindadangsn@reddit

I mean most home grinders are just a tiny blender/food processor and they destroy beans and make terrible coffee.

Hario mini grinder is loads better than any blade grinder. It was my first hand grinder and it opened my eyes to specialty coffee. But as a ceramic burr grinder it's value as a beginner grinder has shrunk considerably with what is on the market now. I'm mostly thinking of kinggrinder p series and the quality you can get for $50-60. 100x better than the Hario at (checks Amazon... Holy shit the inflation 😳) $40. I bought it for a gift for someone for $25 in 2023!

The new grinder companies like kinggrinder and 1zpresso are showing that old companies like Hario and Commandante aren't innovative or really competitive any more in the grinder game.

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ghosty88@reddit

damn you know grinders

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icantfindadangsn@reddit

Honestly I could just be a LLM trained on all the posts over at /r/pourover and you wouldn't know the difference.

HAHAHA I'm a human I swear.

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liva608@reddit

I use my blender to grind my coffee beans all the time and it works just fine. I use a French press so it's less important that the grinds be consistent. It would be bad for drip coffee.

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Cobalt090@reddit

Blenders work awesome! I've ground all my beans in a blender for a few years now

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-Pelvis-@reddit

Love my hand crank coffee grinder, highly recommended. I have a Timemore Chestnut C2S.

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spicygayunicorn@reddit

You definitely could them somewhat ground with it probably good enough for a cold brew and something drinkable with a french press. Not sure what happend here tho it looks like he put them in and shaked it around instead of turning it on

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regeya@reddit

Yeah, at home I have a French press and an Aeropress, good enough for me 🤷‍♂️

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CyonHal@reddit

is he generally a manchild or is this just a one-off?

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AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)

He’s actually an incredible partner and pulls more than his weight around the house. Like I’m the one who needs to step it up to meet him at his level most the time. This was a desperate for coffee and had to get up for work at 3 am move after helping me with a very tough bedtime with our tiny kids

He is amazing and my best friend
Just made me laugh lol he really said fuck it and just poured the beans in

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Memory_Future@reddit

After all this clarification I gotta ask how long he bothered to try the processor, since it's the same effort having to clean it either way. Maybe it's better they weren't ground much at all as coffee, similar to spice mills, should have its own dedicated device because it's tough if not impossible to get the smell out.

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AccomplishedBug8077@reddit

Maybe he ran it for a bit, realized it was extremely fucking loud at 3am after "a very tough bedtime with our tiny kids", shut it off and hoped for the best.

Poor bastard, I hope mcdonalds or somewhere with coffee was open

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East-Garden-4557@reddit

This. I can grind coffee beans with my Thermomix, but I sure as hell wouldn't be doing it while people are sleeping.

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AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)

That’s exactly what happened 😂

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nothisistheotherguy@reddit

Tell him he can throw a towel over it next time to muffle the sound

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Memory_Future@reddit

Lol, perfect reason and why a lot of people run these sorts of devices in the garage.

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penis_showing_game@reddit

Wait a sec here… so this dude has never made coffee before? Or has never seen you make coffee?

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TheBestThingIEverSaw@reddit

Lol. I was about to ask

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SteakAndIron@reddit

I use a food processor to grind coffee. It can do it. Your husband didn't even try.

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HelgaTwerpknot@reddit

Real deal, I’ve ground up coffee beans in a grinder, would do in a processor if I didn’t already have a grinder. I don’t understand why the wet filter is there. Is OP’s husband an incompetent moron? Like you can’t google “how to grind coffee beans” and find out that wet filter isn’t part of the process? He’s pulling the “you do it better” bullshit. He can learn how to make coffee, he’s an adult and I assume working full time following instructions given during his interview, not on a minute by minute basis. Push back on this bullshit. “You learned how to tie your shoes at 4 years old, you can learn how to make a simple cup of coffee now as a full grown adult”. If not, we need to get you psychological help to figure out why your housekeeping skills are so brain damaged. Because if you live in that house, you participate in housekeeping.”

This shit pisses me off so much.

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Jopkins@reddit

A Very Reddit Comment

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CrimsonQuill157@reddit

If you'd read OPs other comment you'd find that you have got wound up and jumped to massive conclusions for no reason.

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TheComplimentarian@reddit

You could absolutely grind coffee with a food processor, if you used the right blade and ran it long enough.

In college I used to grind mine with a mortar and pestle.

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EarlyDead@reddit

How did he manage to fuck that up. Old coffee grinders were essentially just small foos processors.

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nothisistheotherguy@reddit

A blade grinder is almost literally just a small food processor. OP’s husband must have pulsed it once. His coffee is going to be tan water.

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AlienDelarge@reddit

Or there wazn't enough for the blades to even hit. Small quanties don't work well in ours. I haven't though to put beans in but a single cups worth of of beans may just sit underneath the blades doing nothing.

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cherlampeter@reddit

This man has never been in the kitchen in his entire life for longer than a minute. You won't convince me otherwise.

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AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)

He’s the best husband!! I smiled at him in 2012 and we’ve been together ever since

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guilty_bystander@reddit

You can be totally kitchen illiterate and still know when a bean is not actually ground up. I'm not even sure what to say about this one. Must be super young and also never had coffee before.

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cherlampeter@reddit

You're right, I shouldn't have spoken ill of the kitchen illiterate like that.

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guilty_bystander@reddit

Haha how dare you!! Seriously though, my real guess is my they saw the unfinished mess they made and were like "eh, good enough". Probably jonesin for some caffeine.

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Low_Construction8067@reddit

Thank you for being what I call "the voice of reason." People love to speculate wildly, or their first thoughts about someone seem to be intensely negative. IRL people get upset with me for this kind of gentle, non-preachy, rational thinking sometimes. But they don't like devil's advocate either lol

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guilty_bystander@reddit

Yeah I guess I could have said "OP this is weaponized incompetence!! He obviously doesn't love you nor respect you!! Throw this trash out with the coffee!!!"

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Low_Construction8067@reddit

And with a thundering voice all of the white knights and women of reddit chorus: "D I V O R C E H I M"

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durz47@reddit

Tell him he could have better results with the sink garbage dispenser.

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hnntzy@reddit

He could have better results than what he achieved by smashing the beans with a pan...

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BrandedLief@reddit

Hmmm, I love my sink garbage dispenser. After doing dishes, let it drain the excess water out, ready a cup and pull the lever. Yum.

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potatocakes1989@reddit

I cant decide whether to upvote this bc it was clever or downvote it bc it made me want to puke. 🤣😭

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BrandedLief@reddit

I really struggled not adding a /s because it also made me wanna gag. 🤣

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NegotiationCute5341@reddit

That is crazy work

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Edgy-in-the-Library@reddit

I felt like I was having stroke reading the title;.mostly because my mind knew what you meant but didn't compute with what my eyes were seeing.

Great typo

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oneskinneejay@reddit

Maybe he should stick to kuerig

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AlternativeStretch35@reddit

I user a Ninja bullet and it comes out so fine I can sift it. Can you confirm he turned it on?! Why’d he still try to brew the whole beans?!

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ThinCrusts@reddit

Is your husband an 8 year old child?

How does he not realize to blitz them till they're fully ground?

Food processors will grind them pretty quickly too

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Brognar_@reddit

to be fair people get that wrong all the time. coffee comes from shrubs, but ground coffee is more like a potato where it grows underground. you cant use the store-bought beans because they're the wrong flavor

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cherlampeter@reddit

I've read this comment at least five times and it feels like my odds of understanding this have only become worse with each attempt

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Healter-Skelter@reddit

I can’t tell if it’s a sarcastic human or a bot that doesn’t know it’s confused

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Main_Cauliflower5479@reddit

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SirMy-TDog@reddit

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Pernicious_Possum@reddit

Bought a chemex, but too stupid to know how to grind coffee? I hope he’s super hot

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Infinite_Picture3858@reddit

It has to be coffee beans not black beans

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GlockkBandz@reddit

Aren’t coffee beans basically black bean? They are beans and they’re black…

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melanantic@reddit

They’re seeds from a fruit. The “bean” is more a reference to the appearance of the final product

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Refriedfeinds@reddit

Beans are seeds too.

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PallbearerOfBadNews@reddit

Don’t give Chipotle any ideas

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Olderbutnotdead619@reddit

I have ground my coffee in my Cuisinart

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Oranges13@reddit

Has he ever SEEN coffee???

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squishiebuttz@reddit

Is your husband cognitively delayed?

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Mr-Bry-Guy@reddit

Probably should have tried using less 🤣😂 this looks gross!

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letstalkaboutfeels@reddit

bean juice

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Alissan_Web@reddit

mortar and pestel works fine! just takes a while

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ChewieTxupport@reddit

Did he tap pulse for half a second and figure good enough lol?

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NURMeyend@reddit

Is this what they mean by weaponized incompetence?

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CrimsonQuill157@reddit

Holy fuck, way to jump to conclusions over ONE fuck up. If you read other comments by OP, this was an unusual 3am wake up desperate attempt for caffeine. I've done some stupid shit like this running on little sleep.

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funktion@reddit

Don't you know man bad

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NURMeyend@reddit

non sequitur

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NURMeyend@reddit

I asked a question, that's basically the opposite of jumping to a conclusion.

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SugarFut@reddit

Yes 😒

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_TheShapeOfColor_@reddit

I think so, yes.

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altSHIFTT@reddit

Is your husband a Ryobi fan by chance?

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IceCoughy@reddit

And the entire bag of it

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Moneera97@reddit

Did he grind it based on thoughts and prayers?

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BassKing69@reddit

It’s sour because the coffee is extremely under-extracted because those beans are damn near whole

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jeepwillikers@reddit

You could have made cold brew with those, maybe

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fatbitchesloveto69@reddit

Did he stop after .5 seconds?

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ToggleMoreOptions@reddit

No I've tried this before and that shit just don't work

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Capta-nomen-usoris@reddit

Next. Try a cutting board and something hard and heavy.

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ChefArtorias@reddit

More like he pretended.

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sitzprobe1@reddit

the fact that THIS is sitting in a CHEMEX is killing me.

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solo_dbd_player@reddit

A hammer would have done a better job of grinding those beans.

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Main0b@reddit

Did....did he ever turn it on?

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dangerrnoodle@reddit

You can skip the grinder if you have whole beans and some time. Bring water to a boil, put your beans in, and lower the temp to a summer for about an hour. Strain and drink.

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humanstreetview@reddit

did he also try using the air fryer to make charcoal?

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Sugarsteps@reddit

Im suprised the color of the brew is so dark, did he boil the beans in a pot too?

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cherlampeter@reddit

It's wild that he went through with it anyway with the beans still being intact

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melanantic@reddit

Oh well this is just a complete disaster, it hasn’t even worked close to house I thought it might… well, I’ve made or this far. Waste not want not!

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NoRelease4441@reddit

Praised be👀

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ManiacalMagician@reddit

Ahahahha. I love the way you put this. Best comment!

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Kojiro12@reddit

Did he turn it on?

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TheRateBeerian@reddit

So you don’t have a grinder? Why buy whole beans then?

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seamuwasadog@reddit

He didn't try very hard, did he? While not ideal, a food processor should be able to sufficiently "grind" (finely chop) whole bean coffee for use. Most spice mills and inexpensive coffee grinders are essentially small, limited purpose food processors.

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TheRateBeerian@reddit

Looked like 5 seconds worth of grinding

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fartsonyourmom@reddit

I grind my beans in a ninja blender. They come out great.

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RetroSwamp@reddit

Very progressive to marry someone with special needs, very strong person you are!

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heftybagman@reddit

I use this grindsize for cryobrew. It’s like coldbrew but I freeze a block of ice with coffee beans in it and let it steep in the freezer for 3 years.

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CheapTactics@reddit

And when he couldn't, he still tried to make coffee out of whole beans? That's wild.

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Limping_Stud@reddit

gif

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winelover08816@reddit

Making coffee is a core male responsibility. I hope he’s absolute arm candy for you to show off because otherwise the dude is useless.

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AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)

He is total arm candy material and this is not a normal occurrence lol

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winelover08816@reddit

Nothing completely wrong with a 10 for looks and a 1 for skills. Someone famous once said, “My mother said I should be a whore in the bedroom and chef in the kitchen. Well, I’m no chef.”

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New_Quarter_45@reddit

I feel like you're using the word "try" pretty liberally...

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rromerolcg@reddit

These are grounds for divorce… badum tss jkjk

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reedzkee@reddit

Bless his heart

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CriticalP0tat0@reddit

Would have had more luck smashing those beans in a burlap sack with a hammer!

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wingedcoyote@reddit

It's sour because it's under-extracted. Coffee beans contain a variety of flavor compounds with different levels of water solubility, so if you only extract a little bit you get the most soluble ones, which tend to be sour. Then you get richer and sweeter compounds that round out the flavor, and if you extract too much you reach compounds that tend to be bitter (this is all an approximation, but that's the general idea). It's a little like the way flavor changes over time while you're chewing gum! Extraction can be increased by a finer grind, hotter water, or longer brew time -- since your grind here was let's say extra extra course, the water mostly just got the highly soluble stuff. But! Caffeine is extremely soluble, so you probably still got a little energy from that nasty bean water.

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