Husband tried using the food grinder to make ground coffee
Posted by AssociationKind2167@reddit | shittyfoodporn | View on Reddit | 137 comments
Why is it sour
LuluTopSionMid@reddit
It needed longer time in the blender.
sue_aside_@reddit
Bless his heart
rdldr1@reddit
Ok, so when did he start grinding?
HTD-Vintage@reddit
He would have been better off using a hammer on the floor in the garage than whatever happened here.
Revenga8@reddit
He didn't have a hammer?
PunksLoveBugs@reddit
What in the weaponised incompetence?
AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)
Food PROCESSOR sorry about that
choadspanker@reddit
did he turn it on?
regeya@reddit
I was gonna say, you could probably use a blender or a food processor in a pinch, it just probably won't be very good and should be more chopped up than this.
If your food processor is like mine though, the first option is for soft things. It's the mode I use if my family wants fettuccine and I don't feel like grating parmigiano. Puree should pulverize coffee beans, though I've never tried it.
If you want a cheap grinder that'll get good results, a Hario hand crank mill is good; they're relatively cheap and you get a little exercise while doing it. Or at least it feels that way to me while I continue to recover from an injury...but I digress.
sirwobblz@reddit
I have this skinny little hario hand one and I find the grind surface too small. It takes ages. I usually only use it when I travel. Electric is easiest at home
icantfindadangsn@reddit
I mean most home grinders are just a tiny blender/food processor and they destroy beans and make terrible coffee.
Hario mini grinder is loads better than any blade grinder. It was my first hand grinder and it opened my eyes to specialty coffee. But as a ceramic burr grinder it's value as a beginner grinder has shrunk considerably with what is on the market now. I'm mostly thinking of kinggrinder p series and the quality you can get for $50-60. 100x better than the Hario at (checks Amazon... Holy shit the inflation š³) $40. I bought it for a gift for someone for $25 in 2023!
The new grinder companies like kinggrinder and 1zpresso are showing that old companies like Hario and Commandante aren't innovative or really competitive any more in the grinder game.
ghosty88@reddit
damn you know grinders
icantfindadangsn@reddit
Honestly I could just be a LLM trained on all the posts over at /r/pourover and you wouldn't know the difference.
HAHAHA I'm a human I swear.
liva608@reddit
I use my blender to grind my coffee beans all the time and it works just fine. I use a French press so it's less important that the grinds be consistent. It would be bad for drip coffee.
Cobalt090@reddit
Blenders work awesome! I've ground all my beans in a blender for a few years now
-Pelvis-@reddit
Love my hand crank coffee grinder, highly recommended. I have a Timemore Chestnut C2S.
spicygayunicorn@reddit
You definitely could them somewhat ground with it probably good enough for a cold brew and something drinkable with a french press. Not sure what happend here tho it looks like he put them in and shaked it around instead of turning it on
regeya@reddit
Yeah, at home I have a French press and an Aeropress, good enough for me š¤·āāļø
CyonHal@reddit
is he generally a manchild or is this just a one-off?
AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)
Heās actually an incredible partner and pulls more than his weight around the house. Like Iām the one who needs to step it up to meet him at his level most the time. This was a desperate for coffee and had to get up for work at 3 am move after helping me with a very tough bedtime with our tiny kids
He is amazing and my best friend
Just made me laugh lol he really said fuck it and just poured the beans in
Memory_Future@reddit
After all this clarification I gotta ask how long he bothered to try the processor, since it's the same effort having to clean it either way. Maybe it's better they weren't ground much at all as coffee, similar to spice mills, should have its own dedicated device because it's tough if not impossible to get the smell out.
AccomplishedBug8077@reddit
Maybe he ran it for a bit, realized it was extremely fucking loud at 3am after "a very tough bedtime with our tiny kids", shut it off and hoped for the best.
Poor bastard, I hope mcdonalds or somewhere with coffee was open
East-Garden-4557@reddit
This. I can grind coffee beans with my Thermomix, but I sure as hell wouldn't be doing it while people are sleeping.
AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)
Thatās exactly what happened š
nothisistheotherguy@reddit
Tell him he can throw a towel over it next time to muffle the sound
Memory_Future@reddit
Lol, perfect reason and why a lot of people run these sorts of devices in the garage.
penis_showing_game@reddit
Wait a sec here⦠so this dude has never made coffee before? Or has never seen you make coffee?
TheBestThingIEverSaw@reddit
Lol. I was about to ask
SteakAndIron@reddit
I use a food processor to grind coffee. It can do it. Your husband didn't even try.
HelgaTwerpknot@reddit
Real deal, Iāve ground up coffee beans in a grinder, would do in a processor if I didnāt already have a grinder. I donāt understand why the wet filter is there. Is OPās husband an incompetent moron? Like you canāt google āhow to grind coffee beansā and find out that wet filter isnāt part of the process? Heās pulling the āyou do it betterā bullshit. He can learn how to make coffee, heās an adult and I assume working full time following instructions given during his interview, not on a minute by minute basis. Push back on this bullshit. āYou learned how to tie your shoes at 4 years old, you can learn how to make a simple cup of coffee now as a full grown adultā. If not, we need to get you psychological help to figure out why your housekeeping skills are so brain damaged. Because if you live in that house, you participate in housekeeping.ā
This shit pisses me off so much.
Jopkins@reddit
A Very Reddit Comment
CrimsonQuill157@reddit
If you'd read OPs other comment you'd find that you have got wound up and jumped to massive conclusions for no reason.
TheComplimentarian@reddit
You could absolutely grind coffee with a food processor, if you used the right blade and ran it long enough.
In college I used to grind mine with a mortar and pestle.
EarlyDead@reddit
How did he manage to fuck that up. Old coffee grinders were essentially just small foos processors.
nothisistheotherguy@reddit
A blade grinder is almost literally just a small food processor. OPās husband must have pulsed it once. His coffee is going to be tan water.
AlienDelarge@reddit
Or there wazn't enough for the blades to even hit. Small quanties don't work well in ours. I haven't though to put beans in but a single cups worth of of beans may just sit underneath the blades doing nothing.Ā
cherlampeter@reddit
This man has never been in the kitchen in his entire life for longer than a minute. You won't convince me otherwise.
AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)
Heās the best husband!! I smiled at him in 2012 and weāve been together ever since
guilty_bystander@reddit
You can be totally kitchen illiterate and still know when a bean is not actually ground up. I'm not even sure what to say about this one. Must be super young and also never had coffee before.
cherlampeter@reddit
You're right, I shouldn't have spoken ill of the kitchen illiterate like that.
guilty_bystander@reddit
Haha how dare you!! Seriously though, my real guess is my they saw the unfinished mess they made and were like "eh, good enough". Probably jonesin for some caffeine.Ā
Low_Construction8067@reddit
Thank you for being what I call "the voice of reason." People love to speculate wildly, or their first thoughts about someone seem to be intensely negative. IRL people get upset with me for this kind of gentle, non-preachy, rational thinking sometimes. But they don't like devil's advocate either lol
guilty_bystander@reddit
Yeah I guess I could have said "OP this is weaponized incompetence!! He obviously doesn't love you nor respect you!! Throw this trash out with the coffee!!!"
Low_Construction8067@reddit
And with a thundering voice all of the white knights and women of reddit chorus: "D I V O R C E H I M"
durz47@reddit
Tell him he could have better results with the sink garbage dispenser.
hnntzy@reddit
He could have better results than what he achieved by smashing the beans with a pan...
BrandedLief@reddit
Hmmm, I love my sink garbage dispenser. After doing dishes, let it drain the excess water out, ready a cup and pull the lever. Yum.
potatocakes1989@reddit
I cant decide whether to upvote this bc it was clever or downvote it bc it made me want to puke. š¤£š
BrandedLief@reddit
I really struggled not adding a /s because it also made me wanna gag. š¤£
NegotiationCute5341@reddit
That is crazy work
Edgy-in-the-Library@reddit
I felt like I was having stroke reading the title;.mostly because my mind knew what you meant but didn't compute with what my eyes were seeing.
Great typo
oneskinneejay@reddit
Maybe he should stick to kuerig
AlternativeStretch35@reddit
I user a Ninja bullet and it comes out so fine I can sift it. Can you confirm he turned it on?! Whyād he still try to brew the whole beans?!
ThinCrusts@reddit
Is your husband an 8 year old child?
How does he not realize to blitz them till they're fully ground?
Food processors will grind them pretty quickly too
Brognar_@reddit
to be fair people get that wrong all the time. coffee comes from shrubs, but ground coffee is more like a potato where it grows underground. you cant use the store-bought beans because they're the wrong flavor
cherlampeter@reddit
I've read this comment at least five times and it feels like my odds of understanding this have only become worse with each attempt
Healter-Skelter@reddit
I canāt tell if itās a sarcastic human or a bot that doesnāt know itās confused
Main_Cauliflower5479@reddit
SirMy-TDog@reddit
Pernicious_Possum@reddit
Bought a chemex, but too stupid to know how to grind coffee? I hope heās super hot
Infinite_Picture3858@reddit
It has to be coffee beans not black beans
GlockkBandz@reddit
Arenāt coffee beans basically black bean? They are beans and theyāre blackā¦
melanantic@reddit
Theyāre seeds from a fruit. The ābeanā is more a reference to the appearance of the final product
Refriedfeinds@reddit
Beans are seeds too.
PallbearerOfBadNews@reddit
Donāt give Chipotle any ideas
Olderbutnotdead619@reddit
I have ground my coffee in my Cuisinart
Oranges13@reddit
Has he ever SEEN coffee???
squishiebuttz@reddit
Is your husband cognitively delayed?
Mr-Bry-Guy@reddit
Probably should have tried using less š¤£š this looks gross!
letstalkaboutfeels@reddit
bean juice
Alissan_Web@reddit
mortar and pestel works fine! just takes a while
ChewieTxupport@reddit
Did he tap pulse for half a second and figure good enough lol?
NURMeyend@reddit
Is this what they mean by weaponized incompetence?
CrimsonQuill157@reddit
Holy fuck, way to jump to conclusions over ONE fuck up. If you read other comments by OP, this was an unusual 3am wake up desperate attempt for caffeine. I've done some stupid shit like this running on little sleep.
funktion@reddit
Don't you know man bad
NURMeyend@reddit
non sequitur
NURMeyend@reddit
I asked a question, that's basically the opposite of jumping to a conclusion.
SugarFut@reddit
Yes š
_TheShapeOfColor_@reddit
I think so, yes.
altSHIFTT@reddit
Is your husband a Ryobi fan by chance?
IceCoughy@reddit
And the entire bag of it
Moneera97@reddit
Did he grind it based on thoughts and prayers?
BassKing69@reddit
Itās sour because the coffee is extremely under-extracted because those beans are damn near whole
jeepwillikers@reddit
You could have made cold brew with those, maybe
fatbitchesloveto69@reddit
Did he stop after .5 seconds?
ToggleMoreOptions@reddit
No I've tried this before and that shit just don't work
Capta-nomen-usoris@reddit
Next. Try a cutting board and something hard and heavy.
ChefArtorias@reddit
More like he pretended.
sitzprobe1@reddit
the fact that THIS is sitting in a CHEMEX is killing me.
solo_dbd_player@reddit
A hammer would have done a better job of grinding those beans.
Main0b@reddit
Did....did he ever turn it on?
dangerrnoodle@reddit
You can skip the grinder if you have whole beans and some time. Bring water to a boil, put your beans in, and lower the temp to a summer for about an hour. Strain and drink.
humanstreetview@reddit
did he also try using the air fryer to make charcoal?
Sugarsteps@reddit
Im suprised the color of the brew is so dark, did he boil the beans in a pot too?
cherlampeter@reddit
It's wild that he went through with it anyway with the beans still being intact
melanantic@reddit
Oh well this is just a complete disaster, it hasnāt even worked close to house I thought it might⦠well, Iāve made or this far. Waste not want not!
NoRelease4441@reddit
Praised beš
ManiacalMagician@reddit
Ahahahha. I love the way you put this. Best comment!
Kojiro12@reddit
Did he turn it on?
TheRateBeerian@reddit
So you donāt have a grinder? Why buy whole beans then?
seamuwasadog@reddit
He didn't try very hard, did he? While not ideal, a food processor should be able to sufficiently "grind" (finely chop) whole bean coffee for use. Most spice mills and inexpensive coffee grinders are essentially small, limited purpose food processors.
TheRateBeerian@reddit
Looked like 5 seconds worth of grinding
fartsonyourmom@reddit
I grind my beans in a ninja blender. They come out great.Ā
RetroSwamp@reddit
Very progressive to marry someone with special needs, very strong person you are!
heftybagman@reddit
I use this grindsize for cryobrew. Itās like coldbrew but I freeze a block of ice with coffee beans in it and let it steep in the freezer for 3 years.
CheapTactics@reddit
And when he couldn't, he still tried to make coffee out of whole beans? That's wild.
Limping_Stud@reddit
winelover08816@reddit
Making coffee is a core male responsibility. I hope heās absolute arm candy for you to show off because otherwise the dude is useless.
AssociationKind2167@reddit (OP)
He is total arm candy material and this is not a normal occurrence lol
winelover08816@reddit
Nothing completely wrong with a 10 for looks and a 1 for skills. Someone famous once said, āMy mother said I should be a whore in the bedroom and chef in the kitchen. Well, Iām no chef.ā
New_Quarter_45@reddit
I feel like you're using the word "try" pretty liberally...
rromerolcg@reddit
These are grounds for divorce⦠badum tss jkjk
reedzkee@reddit
Bless his heart
CriticalP0tat0@reddit
Would have had more luck smashing those beans in a burlap sack with a hammer!
wingedcoyote@reddit
It's sour because it's under-extracted. Coffee beans contain a variety of flavor compounds with different levels of water solubility, so if you only extract a little bit you get the most soluble ones, which tend to be sour. Then you get richer and sweeter compounds that round out the flavor, and if you extract too much you reach compounds that tend to be bitter (this is all an approximation, but that's the general idea). It's a little like the way flavor changes over time while you're chewing gum! Extraction can be increased by a finer grind, hotter water, or longer brew time -- since your grind here was let's say extra extra course, the water mostly just got the highly soluble stuff. But! Caffeine is extremely soluble, so you probably still got a little energy from that nasty bean water.
Vict0rMaitland@reddit
Sounds like you had a couple cups this morning lol
wingedcoyote@reddit
Morning noon and occasionally night lol
PantheraLutra@reddit
Did he use it wrong? Bc??
sothafreakinsil@reddit
Bless him
LukewarmJortz@reddit
Tell him to Google next time.
Meathand@reddit
Itās amazing that some people make it through life this long.
Adorable_Original_94@reddit
DivorceĀ
donuttrackme@reddit
Does you husband even know how to boil water?
NegotiationCute5341@reddit
NegotiationCute5341@reddit
This is so sad
NegotiationCute5341@reddit
Thats insane dude
judah249@reddit
Howād he turn it into black bean soup
rowrowfightthepandas@reddit
"Ah, uh, I'll have the extra extra extra extra extra extra extra coarse grind please."
bookem_danno@reddit
Rabbit poop
Orkekum@reddit
funny, i have a coffee grinder that has blades like a food processor that i use to grind coffee beans
sarahmegatron@reddit
You can grid peppercorns in a food processor, I donāt see why coffee wouldnāt work. Did he use the food processor like a hammer? Heās dumb as a brick or pretending to be
Albertagus@reddit
Did he forget to plug it in or what?
jfk_47@reddit
Is the ground coffee in the room with us?
ThurmanMermannnn@reddit
Was the wife appliance not working? I assume he drinks coffee on most days prior to this.
ToriEvergreen@reddit
Bless his heart
Matthew-ii@reddit
I need more information, this is killing me. What food grinder?? Because it didnt grind?!
sierrabravo1984@reddit
I think op means food processor, but even then it like like they ran it for only 2 seconds.